#& realized how fuckin arbitrary & arbitrarily weighted Academic Talent is & how much suffering that weight produces

[machinavocis]

ok actually, speaking of: i would like to take this moment to publicly acknowledge the fact that, last time i had a tumblr, i got in at least two separate reblog-chain arguments with @brotheralyosha where i was doing some version of NOPE YOU’RE WRONG CAPITALISM CAN BE GOOD ACTUALLY YOU’RE JUST GENERALIZING FROM BAD LIFE EXPERIENCES. and the reason that i remember so clearly that this happened is because, on multiple occasions over the past 4ish years, i’ve had cause to look back on those conversations and say--sometimes loudly, in the middle of unrelated conversations, causing a probably-unnecessary amount of surprise and confusion--the sentence “GOD FUCKING DAMMIT MY COMMUNIST FRIEND WAS RIGHT ABOUT THIS TOO.” 

#@brotheralyosha idk what political label(s) you actually use but as the story indicates i was at those times Very Dumb & Wrong Generally :D #so here is my overdue retroactive shoutout for not taking my shit & continuing to be right even when i was being very wrong VERY LOUDLY #on my docket of Future Actual Quality Post Attempts on here: why i think i clung to my wrongness so hard for so long #tl;dr i've openly thought & said meritocracy was/is bullshit ever since i was like 14 & started Actual Not Homeschool School #& realized how fuckin arbitrary & arbitrarily weighted Academic Talent is & how much suffering that weight produces #& i think the fact that i knew i believed that as like a super important core principle kept me from actually realizing #how terrified i am of the idea of a world in which i can't Objectively Mathematically Quantify my Value #because in a hypothetical world where we've all decided on a more humanist collectivist approach #i fundamentally do not trust my society or community to think of me as human enough to have value #AND REALIZING THAT WAS REALLY FUCKIN DEPRESSING LOL #like OH BOY THAT IS AN ENTIRE PROBLEM I DIDN'T REALIZE WAS THE PROBLEM I HAD #omg ok this is too much tag posting i must stop & go water the plants lmao ok bye