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mdhwrites · 1 year

Note

In case talking about toh writing gets too negative, wanna talk about ships for a break? Silly question here:

If Luz and Amity's dynamic is basically opposites attract (at least for the first season)

What do you think Boscha and Amity's dynamic is like or how would you describe it 🤔? First season I was thinking mean girl x mean girl although I'd say there's more to that.

Also currently, what do you think the dynamic of them is like now?

My legitimate thought process for this was "What makes you think ship talk will make this positive? I've trashed on Lumity, Huntlow, Raeda, Lunt- Oh, Boscha ship? This I can work with."

So first is the fact that mean girl x mean girl isn't really a romance dynamic? To me at least. I know some stuff will have couples who are depicted as arguing all the time but like… Who actually likes that? They always tend to look incredibly unhappy with each other and like they need to split because they're constantly miserable.

If it's more talking about how they are with others, then that's not really about their ship. People will act differently with different people and theoretically treat those they love, especially their partners, different from even their friends. I've discussed how happy characters like Luz actually struggle extra hard with this. After all, if you treat everyone like you love them, how do you make your partner feel special?

But Amity and Boscha are even more complicated than that with their actions towards others. After all, both appear to have a tendency towards public performance. That the version we see with others isn't who they actually are. Amity is obvious but Boscha demonstrates on two different occasions in Winging it Like Witches that this is the case, especially when it comes to friendship. The first moment is her Machiavellian speech at the beginning of the episode, which one can only make properly if they recognize they're choosing to be a bad person of some sort. You can't choose to be feared instead of loved if you don't know what the actions to garner love are.

The other moment is even more important though. When Luz takes Willow and Gus' place as the sole target of Boscha's ire and own up to the consequences of her actions, this hits Boscha hard enough to seemingly make her drop her mask for a moment. She says "Wow, you're a really good friend" in a tone we've just about never heard from Boscha. It doesn't last of course as Boscha is far too invested in the power and status that the public performance side of her gives but it is there and it is important. It implies she knows what good friendship is but maybe doesn't get it very often.

Which, to be fair to Boscha's friends, it's not like Boscha is very nice to her friends. She demands a new invite to Skara's birthday party when hers molts, she pushes her team too hard theoretically and she makes fun of the dude in her group during Once Upon a Swap constantly. It's hard to really think of times where Boscha IS nice to those around her, shows concessions to them, thinks of them beyond her own interests, etc. like that.

Minus Amity. Amity can make Boscha immediately drop a topic. Amity can claim a cute ghost as theirs and not have Boscha immediately break down the door to introduce herself. Amity is the one Boscha goes with the Penstagram post about Luz and co riding Hooty. And rather than Luz or Willow gaining her ire for making her look small and taking her friends, like she did to King in Once Upon a Swap, she seems angry with Amity specifically when Amity's betrayal happens.

It paints someone who truly thought they were best friends. Someone who thought the two were peas in a pod. And, with Boscha's need for control, probably someone Boscha was always afraid of losing.

And if we go off of what the show explicitly states and shows… It was someone Boscha never had as even a friend.

Amity never shows any of this sort of respect or care back to Boscha. Now, does that make sense? Absolutely not, especially when you consider they've been friends for nine years. But it is what the show explicitly states, shows, etc. The closest she comes to caring about quite literally any of her friends is having a sleepover with them where she sits alone at the window to brood instead of even seeming to actually participate in the ritual they're ostensibly there for. It doesn't make sense and is pretty lazy with a really bad joke about technology that makes me go "Okay Boomer."

It's also why I think Boscha got at least some of her cruelty from Amity. Because if we want to talk about a realistic ship that conforms to canon between the two, it is through unrequited love. Boscha loves Amity, probably gained some of who she is by admiration and fondness for her. though not entirely because while we will grow from our partners, you should not just become your partner or explicitly change for them. You know, like Amity did.

No, the claim of Boscha getting part of her personality from Amity comes from the fact that they became friends at five and were friends for nine years. Even as an adult, a friendship that long will change you, let alone when you're at such a developmental part of life. So if the girl you think is the coolest, cutest, most fun, etc. like that is acting like a loner bitch all the time, you're going to think that cruelty is a good thing.

And… all of this isn't actually negative about the show. Much of it was never going to be touched on in a kid's show and I've talked about the fact that narratively, Amity's turn away from her friends works in S1 when it appeared she would care about Willow alongside Luz, not just talk to Willow when it was convenient. This stuff is deeply complex, more nuanced than most kid's shows are going to touch and it's also much closer to something that a show like The Ghost and Molly McGee could handle more easily because that show doesn't necessarily need an adventure or supernatural element for every episode. It can just do a deep dive on the characters, large and small.

And, you know… Boscha is very much so a bit part character who's relevance ended during Winging it Like Witches so the fact that she was the secondary antagonist for one of the S3 specials still blows my mind from a narrative standpoint.

Because… Boscha and Amity don't have a dynamic anymore. To FINALLY actually answer what their dynamic in S1 could have been, I think the strongest thread to pull would be shoulders to lean on. Someone else who knows the pressure of public performance, the exhaustion that can lead to, the isolation, etc. like that. That's only one option though because we know so little about their relationship, and also so little concretely about Boscha, that DOZENS of dynamics could work for them depending on which traits in Amity or Boscha you decided to highlight. I personally usually lean on my Lumischa takes for the twin pairings so unsurprisingly, my Amischa pairing is going to be about Boscha giving Amity stability from her overworked mind, as well as someone who gets her perspective better than Luz, while Amity can help Boscha have a safe port in storms. Someone she can go to without needing to fear being judged if she doesn't actually the have the answer to everything because Amity doesn't expect that from Boscha unlike everyone else. Someone she can give up control to.

And in S3 they just don't have a dynamic anymore. Amity is an entirely different person, one that Boscha can never understand or trust anymore really. I mean, from Boscha's perspective, Amity's whole personality flipped in the span of a couple months at most and part of that included being told to eat shit by her best friend. That the social rules that Amity herself perpetuated, like Willow being social suicide, were somehow no longer valid just because Amity said so.

When Boscha seems desperate in the second special… It's because she is. Sport in a Storm had Boscha trying to approach something close to normalcy with Luz and Amity. Trying to bully them like she would anyone else and just having it reinforced the fact that Amity doesn't even register her now. In the special, the world has gone to shit, she's got control but only so much and everything is different.

So she wants her port in the storm back. Even if Amity tried to be that for Boscha at this point though… How? Amity has so thoroughly rejected any viewpoint that isn't Luz's at this point that there can be no mutual understanding between them. Boscha could thus never drop her guard as she never has been able to with goody two shoes like Luz or Willow or any of her friends.

She felt safe with Amity. And now that Amity would NEVER say there was any good to her past… How is there is supposed to be good between them?

It's frankly a tragedy and a lot of fun to think about. If the elements that played into it were stronger, I'd even praise it more as a part of the show. If this felt like a real call to Amity to pull her back to who she used to be, it could be a powerful capstone to her arc.

As it is though, like most of Boscha's writing, it's something I almost have to assume was accidentally as interesting as it is, rather than intentional. Or if given more time, would have become worse as so much of TOH does with more attention.

Which… Just brings us all the way back around to what this ask was supposed to give a reprieve from. sigh Sorry. ========

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead, If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And finally a Twitter you can follow too!

#Boscha #Amity Blight #The Owl House Criticism

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jemjams02 · 3 years

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A MC who gives the brothers surprise gifts on their birthdays on random occasions

Surprise!!!!!

Lucifer

He thinks it's endearing

He also makes sure you never do it in public

He will, however, allow you to surprise him with gifts in front of his brothers. It fills him with pride that you thought of him instead of anyone else

As you give more and more gifts, you begin figure out what he likes the most

Little things are what he likes the most. Things he can look at while he works in his study, or keep in his pocket while he's out

New pens, mugs, stationary, etc

Wouldn't want you to spend too much on anything, as he wants to be the one to really spoil you

Will not accept anything gaudy or flashy, no bright colors, he can't have anyone know he's soft for you and the things you give him

He likes homemade stuff too, like art and such

Mammon

He loves it, and flaunts whatever you get him

Will brag about it CONSTANTLY

100% give it to him in front of other people, they have to know you chose him somehow!

Will pull his usual tsundere act at first, but you always notice he keeps most of them on his little treasure shelf

He's like a crow, he likes shiny things no matter how expensive

I personally HC bc of his greed, he has the tendency to collect things like crows do

Like, I wouldn't be surprised if he had a button or rock collection

So honestly? Your gifts could consist of things you literally found on the ground

Find a cool rock? He loves it. He keeps it forever.

Basically, anything shiny or anything that fits into his weird collections

Also accepts kisses as gifts

Leviathan

He will die

like, my mans goes on a rant EVERY TIME you give him a gift about how excited he is to receive the gift, but it turns into how he doesn't deserve it

Anime and video game merch will send him over the moon

Has a special place for the merch you gift him, hidden away where Mammon can't steal it

Will also religiously clean them and make sure they're all still there (and real, and that it isn't a dream)

You could get him something from ANY anime, even if you don't know what it is and you just saw anime merch at the store, he'd love you for it

Will also find it hard to talk to you after one of your surprise gifts because he just gets so flustered

Satan

Much like Lucifer, he would prefer receiving your gifts in private

Except when it's in front of his brothers, especially Lucifer

Books and cat-based items

Cat figurines, plushes, books on cats, pictures of cats

He'll gladly accept any book you gift him as well, even if he already has a copy

Will be over the moon if you buy human-world books because it means you were thinking about him and what he'd enjoy

Will also accept sweaters. He will wear them mostly in the privacy of his own room, or when he's alone with you

Can't let anyone find out he's gone soft

Will get even angrier than usual if any of his brothers go near a gift you've given him

Asmodeus

Will 100% accept any and all gifts, and will flaunt them and rub it in people's faces

Absolutely loves getting clothes, makeup and other pretty things

You could give him a flower you thought was pretty and he'd be over the fucking moon

Will absolutely spoil you every time you surprise him

Will also surprise you with gifts constantly

Anything pink will make him happy as well

He adores that you see things and think of him

It means he's always in your mind, which is exactly how it should be

Will go on and on about how cute you are to make his brothers jealous

Also ADORES homemade gifts, and would die upon getting something so special

Also likes pretty rocks ngl

Beelzebub

He thinks you're adorable

Will take anything and everything you gift him

New pens? Yes. Clothes you think he'd like? Absolutely. ROCKS???? OH YEAH BABY

Idk why I feel like several of the brothers like collecting things like rocks

If you give him food, he'll love you forever

He returns the favor by taking you out on food dates

Also collects rocks to give to you

He has it in his mind that you like rocks now

He's an easy gift giver because he loves and accepts everything you give him

Will perish because you're always so cute and excited when you have something for him

Belphegor

He also thinks it's cute

And he also prefers the little things

Absolutely loves when you give him something in front of his brothers, because he likes that he's your favorite

Likes when you give him comfy things for sleep

New jammies? Loves it

New pillows and stuffed animals? Great for keeping warm and being surrounded by soft things

If you give him big warm blankets, he will die happy

Also is relived that you like him enough to give him gifts, especially since he hasn't had the same amount of time with you as his brothers

#sock answers asks #obey me shall we date #obey me beelzebub #obey me scenarios #obey me hc #obey me asmodeus #obey me imagines #obey me satan #obey me leviathan #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me belphegor #sockwrites #obey me fluff

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wonniexy · 3 years

Text

# SPRING AND PUPS | park jay.

PARK JAY, SPRING SMILES EVENT: MAY 24, 1.4k WORDS, FLUFF, BEST FRIENDS AU, WARNING: NONE.

Spring became your favorite season in fourth grade, when a child not much taller than you were at the time strolled into your classroom, exactly thirteen days after classes began, and introduced himself as "Jay, from Seattle." Not a word more (despite him being something of a talker, you discovered days later), not a word less.

He had a black backpack over his shoulders, as if to distinguish himself from the masses of what were mere nine-year-olds, a small white bunny puppet hung from one side of his zipper, and his school uniform seemed to fit him far too big, so much so that you asked yourself if they had gotten his size wrong.

If spring didn't become your favorite season at that exact moment, you're more than convinced it surely happened always because of Jay.

You can thank his smile, your long conversations about this and that (starting with cherry blossoms on your lunch breaks and ending with why his favorite books should be placed on the top shelf of your bedroom bookshelf), his constant stroking of your head with his right hand, the way he enters your house without even knocking anymore and the way he stops by for dinner every Friday night, then stays over in the guest room (which might as well be his by now) after watching a movie with your entire family and making bets with your dad about what team will win the Sunday soccer game.

You can thank his existence itself and what he's become to you in such a short time that it was almost hard for you to notice.

"Can I touch them?" Jay asks, in a whisper; a faint whisper due to two baby rabbits who seem to be sleeping the first of many quieter sleeps of what will be their lives from this day forward.

"It might be best to wait a while, Jay." You answer, eyes glued to the little bodies of the two pets. They're so cuddly, with their little eyes closed and tummies going up and down rhythmically and steadily. "They're newborns and I think the mother needs to confirm that she has them under control." You continue, pointing your index finger at the larger rabbit, almost anchored to her pups. "Just for a few days, at least."

Jay sighs and, returning to the child he's always been, crosses his arms and rises from his position. "It's not fair; I don't think I can wait. I even dressed for the occasion!"

You can hear all of his disappointment in his words. Jay loves animals, especially rabbits.

You're suddenly reminded of the day when, three years after your friendship began, he first brought you to this place, for the sole reason that you had asked him why he never broke away from the same white stuffed rabbit you had seen him bring with him on his first day of school in your elementary days.

He had shown you all the rabbits there were, taught you their names ("most of them were made up by me" - not true) and then gave you an in-depth lecture (as in-depth as a middle schooler's lecture could be) on how those animals lived, how to care for them, and so many other things.

You still remember the warmth and happiness placed in his eyes as he spoke.

You laugh a little at his words, following his moves and rolling your eyes. "All you did was wear sweatpants and sneakers, Jay."

"When I could just as well have been wearing my favorite shirt and my everyday dress shoes, you should add!"

"Dress shoes are not everyday shoes." You say, shaking your head and shifting your gaze from your friend to the bunnies that, underneath, you'd also like to cuddle immediately. "I still find it amazing that Lily became a mom, you know?"

"You said the same thing about Phoebe last year." Jay laughs, softly. "But I can relate. We grew up watching Phoebe and Lily be born and, now, we're watching them become moms to some beautiful puppies. Time goes by so fast..."

"Don't start crying, now, though." You look at him, barely holding back a laugh.

Jay Park is your best friend. You like the way he expresses himself, how sunny he is, how dramatic he is, and how willing he is to talk about anything. Jay really is your best friend and, perhaps, you are the only one who knows where to hit him without hurting him, just as he knows where to hit you without hurting you.

The boy turns to you and raises his eyebrows a little. If, in fourth grade, you could look him in the eye with no problem at all, now it's hard not to raise your head a little so you don't have to come face to face with his chin.

"I could and there would be no harm in it." He says, and then gives you one of his classic tongue-in-cheeks.

"Childish." You mockingly hit Jay's head with one hand as a familiar voice comes from behind you and your best friend turns in the direction of Mrs. Hong, Jay's neighbor and owner of all the rabbits in the garden. You've counted them all, you and Jay, and taking into account the two newborns, they total thirty-eight.

"Are you two still bickering?" You hear her laugh. For a little woman over eighty, her laugh is loud, but very pleasant to the ear.

"We're just keeping Lily and the puppies company." You say, before Jay can even open his mouth to fake cry in front of Mrs. Hong about the blow to the head you just gave him.

"They're gorgeous, aren't they?"

"They're a wonder." Jay replies, approaching the cage again and lowering himself onto his knees. "They look so...peaceful. Serene. I don't believe in miracles, but after all the suffering our Lily went through..."

You see him stick out his index finger and gently stroke Mama Rabbit's fur from outside the cage. Lily is half awake, as if trying to keep an eye on the pups, but she seems to let go of the contact of Jay's skin with her snow-white fur.

"She's been strong." Mrs. Hong says, nodding and taking you under her arm. "She did really well."

"We knew she could do it." You squeeze the woman's arm a little tighter, making eye contact with Jay and smiling broadly.

Jay nods at your words, then turns one last time to the bunnies and stands up.

"Have you thought of names to give the rabbits yet, Mrs. Hong?" He asks, approaching you and shaking some dirt off his pants.

"I was hoping you could do it this time. I know you've done it before, in the past, but I want these two new entries to be yours. Yours and special."

"Ours meaning that we'll be the ones caring for them? Ours meaning that we will be their current owners? Ours meaning that-"

"Jay!"

Mrs. Hong laughs at the happiness that Jay exudes, from the words that flow relentlessly from his mouth and from his entire body. He almost seems to want to jump to exaltation. "Yes, little Park. Yours."

You both jump to hug the woman, thanking her and thanking her and thanking her again, and then hugging each other and screaming like crazy. You're both happier than you've ever been, you might even say.

When you break away, you go to crouch down in front of the cage where the two baby rabbits are still sleeping blissfully and where Lily, the new mom, seems to be holding them close to her.

"Hey babies, hi!" You begin, wrinkling your nose and shaking your head here and there. "We are your new owners! I'm y/n and this right here is Jay!"

Jay laughs at the way you interact with the two pups and lightly taps you with his elbow. "If I were them, I wouldn't want you as my owner." He laughs.

You turn to face him, smiling falsely at him, only to hit him much harder with your own elbow, nearly knocking him over.

"I choose my future baby first." You say, blowing.

"Go ahead," Jay laughs at your action, "but at least make sure to pick a cute name too - you kind of suck at that stuff."

This time, Jay actually finds himself with his body slammed into the ground.

You burst out laughing, and he does as well, struggling to get up. He definitely wants to cry.

"Not so sure about the everyday dress shoes now, huh?"

#enhypenwriters #springsmiles #enhypen jay #jay enhypen #enhypen fluff #enha fluff #enhypen x reader #enhypen #jay x reader #enhypen jay x reader

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megatraven · 3 years

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Aura Love Languages

headcanons on how the LIs' auras interact with MC at a point where their holders love her :)

Alex's Doe and Stag

- They tend to sidle up on either side of MC to make her feel comforted/safe in their presence

- The stag rubs his antlers against her from time to time, and the doe noses her

- Either one will let her ride them, even against Alex's warnings

- They both swish their tails side-to-side when they're with MC, knowing that she's safe and openly trusting her

- When out in the city, they're good at scanning their surroundings, casing the areas for danger because protecting MC is their top priority

- They let MC teach them to bow their heads when they get some kind of treat, be it food or a head pat

- The deer both always defer to MC

- They like to cuddle up to her at home, especially if Alex is still trying to get some important work done. They'll keep her company and lay their heads over her, letting her pet them. This often lasts long enough that MC falls asleep on them, and they're still as can be when that occurs, so as to let her sleep

Hydra's Serpents

- They flick their tongues at MC in way of a kiss, often tickling her in the process.

- Each head vies for her attention, bumping the other heads out of the way. Sometimes they even work together to push Hydra out of the way in order to cuddle with her better.

- They always try to be touching her in some way, and often end up wrapping around her so much that she can't move and has to clear her throat for Hydra's attention

- They let her dress them up for special occasions!

- They can fluctuate the temperature they give off when it comes to her- sometimes they feel warm, and other times cool. They're good at reading the room to determine which one would be better for her in the moment

- One of the heads like to steal sips of her drinks specifically

- They like to drape themselves across her arms; it often earns a nuzzle to whichever snake is closest

- They like resting on MC because she's warm

- They like watching her do stuff (like bake) and try to offer her assistance or simply try to mimic her, which either makes her smile or laugh (or both!) and thus makes them happy

Medusa's Pegasus

- Nuzzles MC every time it appears, huffing into her hands

- It bumps heads with her, sometimes a little more rough than intended and almost knocks MC over

- It will open its wings and allow her to look at and touch the aura feathers there, and has a bad habit of trying to wrap MC into a wing

- If she's talking to it directly, it'll whinny and make sounds in response, as if it's talking back to her

- Out in the garden, it will nudge MC, asking her for some kind of treat; she starts keeping something on hand when she's out there

- When MC rests against its side, it rests its head on her and is content to lay there all day if MC is

- It takes sugar cubes from her hand if she offers them out, a sign that it trusts her

- It's always ready to catch MC if she's in danger of falling over, more so if it's from a greater height, like when she's climbed up the ladder in the library

- It will let MC ride it and listen to her instruction if Medusa's focus is elsewhere

Cerberus' Dogs

- They're always wagging their tail(s) at MC, whether it's as three separate dogs, or one big one

- Puppy eyes. It's constant. They give her the biggest puppy eyes at every possible moment so that she'll pet them or play with them or give them a treat

- If they're out in the park or dojo, they'll each bring something to MC to have her throw. It often results in the dogs splitting apart if they weren't already

- Kisses! So many doggy kisses. They like to lick her hands and face especially

- They really love cuddling up with her, on the couch or on the bed. They'll each place their head on her and be content to lay there all day

- They always seek MC out; if Cerberus lets them out in the office, they'll be by MC's side immediately. Even if he's on a completely different floor, the dogs will find her, and Cerberus knows where he has to go to find them

- They offer their belly/bellies to MC for belly rubs

- When MC is in the bathroom or there's a door between them in some way, the dogs whine and even start to howl until she lets them in

- They get very excited upon seeing her and do full-body wiggles for her, sometimes even doing little happy taps with their paws

- They love begging from her and for her food, ESPECIALLY when she's baking. She'll usually give each of them some of the batter from whatever she's making

Chimera's... Chimera

- The lion part of the chimera is often found purring in MC's presence, what can only be described as a smile on its face as it pushes its mane into her hands

- The lion part will slow blink at her, and nuzzles her if she returns it

- The snake likes to drape itself over her, pulling her close to the rest of the chimera

- It will also wrap around her arm when it doesn't want to leave her, or doesn't want her to leave it

- The goat often just watches her, and if they happen to lock eyes with her, it will bleat happily and move its head into her path so that she can pet it or offer it a treat

- The chimera likes to stay close and rub against her; if she's busy doing something, it will lay at her feet until she has time to give it the proper attention it desires

- The goat is the chimera's biggest communicator if the aura- or Chimera himself- needs help; it will stare at her until she moves to follow the beast as it shows her what is needed to be done

- The lion often tries to groom her with its tongue, though she's usually too ticklish for it to go far; the affection behind the action comes through, though

- Upon seeing MC when it appears, the lion roars its welcome, the goat bleats loudly and joyfully, and the snake flicks its tongue her way

- The chimera is at its happiest when it's able to cuddle up close to her, its calmness a true testament to how far it's come and how much it loves and respects her

Hades' Reaper

- It makes the dark feel warmer, alive- safe. It watches over her silently, doing its best to keep her from feeling afraid

- It's always available to offer a helping hand to her if she needs it, whether that's an extra set of hands while she bakes, or help with folding the laundry

- The shadows in a room often warp to reach out to her shadow, a sign that the reaper loves to be close to her

- It's extremely gentle with her, even after she becomes Hera

- It's most calm in her presence, and something that keeps it even more stable and settled down is when it's allowed to brush through MC's hair. It becomes very good at braiding it for her, which helps her relax after a long meeting

- It's scythe will raise at any threat to her, and the reaper will risk breaking itself if it means keeping her safe

- At the start, the reaper tried to keep its hood up over its skeletal face, somewhat worried that it might frighten MC. But she's never expressed fear towards it, and eventually the reaper was comfortable with keeping its hood down, showing its trust in her

- It's an overall comforting presence to her because of its connection to Hades, and so when it appears, it keeps close to her, not quite wanting to leave her side

Astraeus' Titan

- Always silent. It knows that its voice can hurt her, and that's the last thing it ever wants to do

- Stands nearby, always watching over MC. It's goal is to keep her safe. to protect her at all costs. It only ever turns away from that duty briefly, when she calls its attention to her

- Should it ever touch her, its touch is as gentle as a cherry blossom falling to the ground. It's always warm to the touch, as if it were a living, breathing person

- It sometimes shimmers to life when Astraeus holds her close, after a particularly dangerous mission, and it embraces them both

- There are moments where it's summoned in their home, that it takes a cherry blossom and sticks it in MC's hair

- It will, without hesitation, cut down any foe in its path if it so much as finds MC hurt or threatened by them. With her it is gentle, but with an enemy, its sword is deadly. Commanded by its heart- by Astraeus' love for her- it will do whatever it takes to enact her will

- It will put down its sword for her, if that's what she desires of it

- It is not afraid to show itself to her, never shying away from her curious gaze, baring itself- Astraeus' soul made corporeal- to her willingly, openly, lovingly

- It is often there when MC is awakened by nightmares, and its power is used in an attempt to keep them from her

- Its own 'heartbeat' is in tune with hers, and it reads her heart as easily as Astraeus reads it

#lovestruck voltage #lovestruck #astoria: fate's kiss #labyrinths of astoria #astoria: lost kisses #afk mc #astraeus' aura was the hardest to come up with anything for awooga #auras #long post

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darknessisafriend · 3 years

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Hi! Can I ask for hcs' about almost every Joaquin character (y'know, Joe, Theo, Arthur, Ray, and many more) when they're on Christmas with you? Going to a party, with your family, staying at home, in a shopping, gettting presents, taking you to a café or a restaurant, putting on christmas decorations at home, what you eat with them or how you enjoy the night and fireworks, stuff like that. Thank you! Love your imagines!

Hiii I wrote and before Christmas so I’m really happy! (I literally spend my days writing it from morning to late in the night) so I hope you will like it!!

Following HCs with: Arthur/Joker, Commodus, Joe, Abbe, Charlie, Bobby, Bruno, Willie, Max, Theodore, Merrill, Freddie, Ray

Arthur/Joker

- Christmas is Arthur’s and Joker favorite day of the year after Mardi Gras. It is a day where he can be fully himself, wear one of those ‘ugly’ knitted sweaters, listen to oldies Christmas songs. He feels people more relaxed in the streets, it must be Christmas spirit softening them a little, even in Gotham. And usually you would manage to convince Joker not to make too much trouble and stay by your side all day instead.

- You would be staying home together on Christmas Eve. It would be a very simple day because you didn’t have a lot of money but what is important is to be together, and it’s what you would remind to Arthur, no need for something big or fancy, just to be together in Christmas spirit.

- You would buy a few decorations, but you would mostly create them yourself, spending the weekends of December making them with Arthur as you drank hot chocolate. Your flat would be colorful, filled with red and white tinsels and candy canes; you both went to a park and discreetly cut a few pine trees branches to decorate the appartement.

- Of course, Arthur would make the surprise to buy a Christmas tree, not too big, but it was more than enough to make you smile with happiness. And you would decorate it with anything that was shiny and candy canes too of course.

- For dinner you would not buy anything expensive, but luckily you and Artie were pretty good in cooking and you could manage to make delicious dishes with basic ingredients, roasted potatoes with bacon wrapped turkey and red wine gravy, and you would drink the other half of the bottle while eating. And of course, your favorite part, an apple cake topped with cinnamon and sugar.

- You want the night to be as relaxing as possible, you would cook with Arthur while listening to music, exchanging kisses and giggling. Then, after dinner, you two would settle in the sofa, and watch Disney Christmas cartoons while drinking hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows.

- The next morning, Arthur or Joker would be the first awake, excited like a kid and eager to open his gift. Yes, usually with Arthur it would be one or two gifts for each of you. Arthur would have worked extra hours and saved as much money as he could to be able to buy you something nice, he bought those cute earrings you had seen once in a store front. Joker would get you more gifts and would get a bit extravagant, but it was really fun. You would get a nice suit or piece of accessories for Joker. For Arthur you would get a warm sweater or scarf so that he wouldn’t get cold when he is outside.

- As soon as the gifts were open and breakfast with nice pastries taken; you and Arthur would head to your grandparents’ home where you would be reunited with your parents and cousins as well. Arthur was always a bit nervous about it but once they all greeted him with a hug, he would be smiling all along, hugging back your family and playing with your cousins and nephews. He never had a family but now he had one. Joker had promised you he would never come out on Christmas, it was always sweet Arthur, otherwise your parents would have freaked out.

Commodus

- Saturnalia was always an amazing holiday. For whole a week the whole Empire would celebrate in honor of the god Saturn. It was a very special day where the People would be pampered by their Emperor and where even slaves would be provided by table service and dining with their masters, all would party and share. Many offerings were made to the god but also to the people.

- Commodus was always particularly joyful on that holiday. The first day, he always had a hard time not working but then, the next day, the real Commodus was back, joyful and relaxed. He would dedicate his days entirely to you, his nephew and the rest of the family.

- Commodus would be dressed colorfully, wear red and gold togas and you would usually wear matching clothes, except on Saturnalia eve where you would wear purple and gold, an outfit especially made for that night. You both loved beautiful clothes and it was the occasion to shine even more.

- He would make sure that Lucius gets chosen as the Saturnalicius princeps, the Lord of Misrule for the whole week. And Lucius loved it, he was able to prank everyone and especially his dear uncle who at first regretted it, and then you would find him pranking back Lucius or even you, those two were children.

- The whole week, Commodus would offer chariot racing in the grand arena, the greatest charioteer gathered for the most exciting races and with great rewards, as well as gifts for the public. You both enjoyed it, no blood, no deaths, pure entertainment for all.

- It would be a huge party in the streets of Rome, people singing in the streets naked, drinking and gambling. With the Senate, Commodus would make sure to have a delicious public buffet offered to the people at the Temple of Saturn. He wants everyone to enjoy this holiday. And at night on the eve of Saturnalia, Commodus would organize a big party in the palace, where he would completely let himself go and enjoy the moment.

- For dinner, he would get you the finest foods from the whole Empire and even from far beyond, exotic dancers, magicians and entertainers would be invited as well to make this night unforgettable. He would make sure you smile and laugh, that you simply feel home, and it really were.

- “Io Saturnalia my love!” he would cheer, all tipsy, a big goofy grin on his face, coming to wrap his arms around you, almost spilling his cup of wine on you as he starts trying to dance, he wouldn’t care if he looked ridiculous, he wanted to hold you in his arms and kiss you. To be honest, drunk Commodus was probably the most adorable thing you ever saw.

- Commodus would be very nervous about the presents, he wants the best for you and he wants to impress you even if he knows he doesn’t have to but Commodus feels this need to constantly prove himself and his love for you.

- Early in the morning the day before, he would go out in the city in disguise to get your gifts, he doesn’t trust anyone else to get the best for you and choosing your gifts himself is very important to him, he wants something true, something that truly reflects how he feels for you. He would have a ring especially forged for you, with a blue gemstone incrusted in the center of it, reminding you of his gorgeous blue outfit that you loved so much. And for his nephew, his first real sword to train with him. As for you, you would get him a very fine wine from Greece and then a rather…sensual that you would were in your bedroom that night, you would be his gift in a way; and it would made him even crazier for you.

- After this long night of celebration, you and Commodus would take your time and just sleep as long as you could, it was the last day before getting back to work and you wanted him fully rested and ready to take care of the Empire as ardently as before. You had opened your gifts at midnight so there was nothing waiting to be done, except perhaps Lucius who was eager to take his first lesson from his uncle, but the boy was clever and let you enjoy your husband a few hours more….Io Saturnalia.

Joe

- Christmas with Joe would be quiet, something peaceful at home, it would mean a moment of full relaxion for Joe and perhaps the only moment where he feels like he doesn’t have to be on his guard all the time.

- You would spend Christmas Eve’s afternoon in an animal shelter with Joe, you two would pamper the pets and take them on a walk outside. You had discovered Joe rather enjoyed spending time with animals, especially dogs, it seemed to sooth him and you were thinking of adopting one of the dogs as his Christmas gift. So, this moment would be a good occasion as well to see which one he preferred.

- You would usually spend Christmas eve and Christmas day with your family, just your parents. It did good to Joe to be with other people. And your parents loved him, your father was a veteran and they understood each other. And then your mother just loved him and always offered him more cookies.

- You would do part of the shopping with Joe, especially to buy ingredients to cook for him and your family and then buy a few decorations. Joe would shop separately for your gift of course. And he would be in charge to get the Christmas tree and somehow he always ended up picking one that was too tall to fully fit in the living room, so he would have to climb on the stepladder and shorten the top of the trunk and you couldn’t help but laugh. Poor Joe, he always picked up the biggest and most beautiful trees.

- This year Joe got you a few books, fantasy and sci-fi stories. It wasn’t his genre at all, but he knew you enjoyed it, and he hoped he had chosen well, he had made a research on internet to see which were better. As for you, well, you had gotten him the dog he was fond of at the shelter.

- You and Joe would cook with your parents, you would take care of the dessert with your dad while Joe and your mother did the rest. It wouldn’t be anything too complicated but there were many dishes to fill in everyone and especially Joe’s great appetite. As your mother said, a big man like him needed strength to carry on. And he truly managed to eat everything she was serving him, which you never thought was possible.

- As for the Christmas decoration of your house, it would be discreet but enough to remind of the Christmas spirit. The Christmas tree, a few tinsels on the walls or the banister and that was it. For everything, Joe liked to remain discreet. Still, you managed to get him to wear a Christmas sweater at home and with your family and he was the most adorable like that.

- The night would be spent taking your time dinning with your family, and then they would light a fire in the chimney, and drink mulled wine while talking about the many things that happened during the year. Then, your dad would put on some vinyl, oldies Christmas song; and you couldn’t resist but to get Joe to dance with, a slow dance, pressed against each other as you listened to the music.

- The next morning, you were the first one awake, excited to open your gifts. Well, you thought you were the first one awake, but you would soon realize Joe wasn’t sleeping by your side, maybe he was eager too. However, when you reached downstairs, you found him cooking a marvelous breakfast and not just for you but your parents as well, already wearing the Christmas sweater you had gotten him.

Abbe de Coulmier

- Christmas was obviously a very important day for the Abbe, the birth of the Christ and a day of love. Which meant a lot of work for him, he was a priest after all, and he wanted to give love to people around him and the people in need. And he also wanted to make this day special for his patients, many had been abandoned by their families, and he wanted to make them feel at home, celebrating this important day together.

- He would encourage his patients to create decorations, some patients even crafting wood, others picking up pine tree branches to ornate the doors of their cells. Then, you and Madeleine would spend the day cooking for the dinner, the Abbe as always had managed the finances excellently and you had extra money to buy more food and ingredients and cook something more sophisticated for this day and even Yule logs for everyone. You would even convince him to cook biscuits with the patients, it made them very happy and also seeing him covered in flour was adorable, you couldn’t stop giggling and teasing him.

- Then, towards the end of the afternoon you would help him greet homeless and poor for the evening and night, distributing blankets to them, and sharing a warm dinner with them and a shelter for the night. So, this was a very big day for him and slightly exhausting, but the Abbe was a workaholic, he lived for other people and he loved helping.

- Charenton had become his family so there was no reason for him to come out of the Asylum. And also, you were there, by his side. And he loved you, even if he knew he shouldn’t but he couldn’t resist the temptation you were, and he wanted to make this day special for you too.

- He had very little money, but he had still managed to go in town, and buy you a beautiful blue scarf to keep you warm in the corridors of Charenton. As for you, you had saved as much money as you could to buy him this beautiful chain with a little golden cross, he could wear it around his neck all day along, underneath his cassock.

- It would be a very heartwarming night where everyone would be reunited in the canteen, a beautiful fire lit in the chimney. Everyone would sit close to it and listen to the Marquis, standing in front of it, telling funny stories and also Christmas stories which he had agreed to tell after the irresistible request from his favorite priest. As the Marquis was getting everyone’s attention, you felt the Abbe discreetly brush his fingers against yours, to finally entwine your hands, making you blush, you would exchange a look full of love, tonight he would spend the night in your bed.

- To end the night, he would celebrate the midnight mass, patients and employees gathered and singing songs celebrating the day of the birth of Jesus Christ. It would be a great moment to remind everyone the values of Christmas, compassion, sharing, kindness and love.

- The next morning you would both be awakened by the excited cheering of the patients, eager to open their gifts. He couldn’t help but chuckle, it seems you two won’t be able to make love again this morning, but he would find another way, probably request you to his office for some reason. It wouldn’t stop him from filling your face with kisses before getting up and putting his cassock on. As you both opened your gifts with everyone else, you would know which one was his gift and he would know which one is yours; the look he would give you would be more powerful than words and you would smile in return, you felt blessed.

Charlie

- Charlie wasn’t a Christmas guy, not all. Mostly because he kept bad memories from it, his father made it hell for him and his brother, and his mother too. Even if she had always tried to make them smile, making them eggnog, discreetly slipping a gift in their bed in the morning.

- Naturally as an adult, he wasn’t really down for it, except getting drunk in a Saloon. But you were there to teach him another way to celebrate Christmas, and it would be a way he would surely enjoy; and he would end up with Christmas spirit.

- So, obviously you would spend the day with his family, his brother and his mother. And Charlie wouldn’t be so opposed to it; at first, he might complain and say he doesn’t feel like going. But as soon as he sees his family, he smiles and greet them with a hug, he would never admit it out loud but he missed them and Christmas would be the perfect occasion to spend time together.

- You would have to accompany Charlie to the different stores for Christmas shopping, he always played tough guys and now he didn’t want to go shopping alone, it made you retain a laugh, your man was dumb sometimes. Of course, once he finds something that could be a great gift for you, he would do his best to hide it behind his back, and most of the time pretend he didn’t find anything, you would roll your eyes, you knew his lying face but it was adorable. For his mother, he would some embroidered hankies, another scarf for his brother, just to tease him and for you, an expensive perfume from San Francisco. As for him, you would spend a lot of time and money with specialist to have a prosthetic arm designed for him, he still had a hard time with it and perhaps it would help him feel better and for when he rides again.

- You and his mother would cook, both men were terrible at cooking anything else than beans. So, out of question that they came into the kitchen, especially since last time where Charlie managed to eat half of the cookies you had made. You would also cook apples pies, and a roasted turkey that the two men had hunted earlier.

- As for decorations, the two men had managed to cut a pine tree that resembles a Christmas tree. You would all together decorate the tree, thanks to their mother pushing them to participate. It would be filled with red ribbons, berries, paper strings, yarn, and other homemade decoration Eli had brought. You would even hang a few cookies in the tree.

- When the night came, a fire was lit to keep everyone warm, after all the winter was extremely cold in this part of the country. You would eat joyfully, the boys telling their most epic and finniest anecdotes. Obviously, alcohol would be part of the night, though you tried to keep Charlie just tipsy, except if you were drunk too and joined him in messing around. You would end the night singing joyful Christmas songs together.

- The next morning, Charlie would be the one waking up everyone, he would even try to guess what his gifts were while everyone was still asleep. “But Charlie it’s 7 am…on Christmas.” you yawned, you couldn’t believe he was excited like a child for it, but in a way your understood him, Charlie had never celebrated Christmas and soon his brother was up as well, eager to unwrap his gifts. Charlie would be left speechless as he unwraps his gift and discovers the prosthetic arm, the only thing he would do is to hug you tightly, burying his head in your neck, and placing a kiss on your skin, before letting you put the prosthetic on him.

Bobby Green

- Christmas for Bobby had become another mean to party, not as much as for New Year though. He just loved to enjoy life to the fullest unlike his family meetings where everyone was more uptight than the others.

- So obviously, Bobby would much prefer to spend Christmas just with you, not even with his friends from El Caribe. Though, later in the evening, after dinner, you two might head to the club a little but not to work, simply dance and have fun.

- You would do Christmas decorations shopping together trying to find which color would fit the best for this year; obviously you had a thing for red because it was a color that went well with Bobby too and you picked up gold as a second color; yes, this would be perfect. The very same day, arms full of bags, you would get a Christmas tree, a big fluffy one which would proudly wear the decorations you had bought.

- Then, another day, Bobby would spend quite some time shopping, thanks to his job, money wasn’t a problem, but the problem was finding something perfect for you. Bobby would get you gold earrings with a little diamond on each, and the design would perfectly match with your face and he would also buy some sexy lingerie for you both to enjoy. You would get him an earring as well, the coincidence was rather funny, but it was a detail you particularly loved about him.

- As the evening comes, Bobby would bring you to a nice restaurant in the city center, it was a rather fancy one but not too much to avoid uptight people who couldn’t bear a laugh. It was fancy enough to fix the event in your memories. And you would enjoy a classic feast, and even Foie gras and dishes with truffles. Obviously, you would drink champagne, it would be a night of ‘excess and pleasure’ as Bobby said, and you loved this intensity.

- The decorations would mostly be on the Christmas tree, then you would spread little decorations everywhere, on cupboards and counters and then add many glitters which would be hell to clean up afterwards but you recognized Bobby’s great taste in decorations, he knew how to make it joyful and give a party atmosphere to a place.

- After the restaurant, you would head to El Caribe, at least you knew it was the best place to party in all safety. You and Bobby would just go wild, dancing pressed against each other, exchanging kisses and getting horny in no time; to the point that you would soon go back home to make love right away. Then, late in the night you couldn’t resist but open your gifts, giggling like children. So, there wouldn’t be really a Christmas morning for you, just sleeping late in each other’s arms, and it would be the best morning ever.

Bruno Weiss

- For Bruno, Christmas was like any other day. He was Jewish but not practicing so he wasn’t really celebrating in any way. And he was often alone on Christmas, his girls always finding a gentleman or another way to celebrate without him. And he had expected you spend Christmas away, with your family in San Francisco; but you surprised when you asked him what he would like to do with you for Christmas, it had made him so happy that you thought about him, even surrounded by his girls, he had always been a lonely man.

- Bruno would spoil you during this day, actually he would dedicate his time entirely to you and that starting from the morning. He wasn’t great at cooking breakfast but at least he tried, and that only made you happy. And you were even more when he announced you that he would spend the whole day with you to prepare Christmas.

- He would rather enjoy shopping with you, his woman, walking hands in hands from shop to shop, his arms getting fuller of bags each time. Once again, he would spoil you, trying to fulfil you every desires, though Bruno wasn’t a rich man either; so, when you showed him an item that was too expensive, you would see it instantly, the way, he avoided your gaze, an embarrassed look on his face, he wished he could buy you anything you desired. “Hey darling, you know what? I don’t need it, it’s all good, don’t worry.” You would reassure him, tenderly kissing him on the lips. He swore to himself he would make you feel like the luckiest women in the world when you would open your gifts.

- You would buy many items to put in the Christmas tree and a few garlands but the most important purchase had been this new thing, electric light garlands, you had not doubts it would look perfect on the tree, and what better than to have the latest modern house items? And about that, Bruno completely agreed.

- Bruno would get you a new dress and makeup as well; it was one of his favorite things, to watch you put on your makeup, making yourself even more beautiful than you already were and that view was only for him. And you would buy him a new pocket watch, not one he bought on the black market for nothing, one with a beautiful design and your initials engraved inside the watch cover, so there would always be a bit of you with him.

- On Christmas Eve, you would stay home together, you would cook dinner and he would try to help. However, Bruno doesn’t have much patience so his help would be rather limited, and you would soon tell him to sit down and just keep you company. You would cook a roasted chicken, cookies and a fruit cake. However, on Christmas day, for lunch he would bring you to a restaurant, fancier than the usual restaurant he goes to; you would get smoked salmon and cocktails with champagne. And he had to admit, it was nice to have celebrations from time to time, and Christmas spirit was perhaps starting to grow on him.

- For the night, Bruno was more inclined to just stay home, but you wanted to show him something more, and you managed to convince him to go to a jazz club, at least to listen to the Christmas songs recreated with jazz stylings. After a while, you saw your boyfriend relaxed, so you put your hand on his, gently stroking it and by the look in your eyes, he would understand and accept to dance with you, a slow dance, embracing each other.

- The next morning; the air was rather chill, the both of you waking up slowly, caressed by the warm rays of the sun, snuggling a bit more in his embrace as you felt the air cooler than usual, it had snowed. You would happily open your gifts as you shared a coffee, wrapped in your warm bathrobe, a soft smile was on Bruno’s face, this peace, warmth; Christmas wasn’t so bad after all.

Willie Gutirrez

- Willie absolutely loved Christmas and didn’t hide it. It was a great occasion to spend time with you and your family and everyone knew Wille was a family man. He wasn’t the most churchgoing man, but this day would have a religious meaning for him as well. And actually, he would make sure the apartment you shared would be decorated for the 1st of December and he would get an advent calendar with chocolates, he loves it and you would have never thought that about Willie but it was really cute.

- That meant that you would spend Christmas holidays at your parents’ home. It was nice to travel a bit and change of air. And your parents just loved Willie, this hard-working young man who satisfied your every desires and who was kind and funny, to them he was perfect; and to you too of course, after all you were madly in love.

- Obviously, you would shop together, for everything: decorations, gifts for you and your family, food and chocolates. You would tease each other, trying to guess the gift hidden in the bag of the other, and you would have to wait Christmas morning to know which was even more exciting.

- The apartment would be perfectly decorated, as if a home stylist had done it, silver and gold, the Christmas tree big and fluffy and perfectly decorated, the nativity scene underneath it. You were very proud of your decorations.

- Before joining your parents’ house, you and Willie would make cookies. But it would be hard to focus for you, Willie was really sexy, wearing an apron, a comfy sweater and a Christmas hat just to tease you because he knew the effect it had on you. Obviously, you would end up having sex on the counter between Christmas cookies. Once you would have joined your parents Willie would insist on helping out your mother, which would make her fall for him even more, and he would drink a glass of whisky with your father the same time while talking politics; yes, he had completely seduced them, to your greatest pleasure.

- Willie would also surprise you all by taking out an expensive bottle of champagne one of his acquaintances would have gifted him. Other than that, you would eat a rather classic Christmas feast, braised pork, vegetables and a few canapés.

- After dinner, you would all settle in the sofas in the living room, you snuggled against Willie, drinking hot spiced apple cider as your parents told your boyfriend memories of your childhood, some rather embarrassing actually but it made him laugh and he loved knowing those things about you. Your parents would be the first to head to bed; you and Willie would stay a bit more, exchanging slow and tender kisses until it was time to sleep and let the magic of Christmas happen.

- The next morning, you would be awakened by more kisses from Willie, feather-like kisses on your face, his fingers gently pushing away the strands of hair on your face. “Don’t you want to find out what Santa got you?” he’d tease you. And you would truly hesitate between considering him your Santa gift and getting up, and he knew it. And after a little you would both finally get up, happily opening your gifts. Willie would be smiling all the time, he had family who loved him now.

Max California

- Max celebrates Christmas but not in the typical way to do it. For him it is an overrated celebration, with a lot of fuss with all these decorations and Christmas movies on TV all day along and the whole picking up Christmas tree imperative. Also, Max doesn’t blend in very well with Christmas atmosphere with his look that he keeps all year along. People tend to look at him in a strange way when Christmas comes, seeing a guy all dressed in black with piercings and tattoos.

- It would be really fun when you boyfriend would realize that you are used to celebrate Christmas and that you rather enjoy the atmosphere. You would spare him Christmas songs and put on your headphones though you wouldn’t sometimes, just to embarrass him.

- You would celebrate Christmas just the two of you, you preferred to take baby steps with him, family gatherings on those type of celebrations made him uneasy because people were no fun, he couldn’t make his usual sex jokes or talk about the funniest things that happened back at the sex shop.

- You would manage to convince him to get a Christmas tree, and he got one in a pot so that you could plant it somewhere later. And you would accept that he chooses the decorations for it and thankfully you had no guests because this was hilarious and outrageous. Bulbs that looks like boobs, leather collars and other kinky stuff he had gotten at the shop; at least it was unique and very much Max California.

- As gifts, you would buy him more clothes that would perfectly match his style and you would get him a new sound system for his guitar, you didn’t want him to renounce to his passion and his dream of being a successful musician one day. As for Max well…. he would get you a few sexy things and also makeup that would perfectly match your face and look, you always loved when he did that, he was better than you at picking up those products, he really had great taste.

- For Christmas eve dinner you would order delivery but something out of the ordinary, something a bit fancy, your kitchen wasn’t the best to cook anyway, small and poorly equipped. And actually, you and Max would go for one of the most expensive Japanese restaurants of LA, and damn that was worth it, exotic and unique for this special night.

- You would move the little table to the window and open it, giving you a little view on the city. Since you two had moved from his rather questionable flat, you lived in a much better and beautiful neighborhood. After dinner you would head outside for a walk hand in hand by the beach, sharing a cigarette under the cool air and watching a few decorated store fronts; Max always finding ways to make a dirty joke.

- The next morning, you would wake up in your favorite way, Max tracing kisses along your thighs, that rascal never forgot his priorities, you thought, giggling sleepily and well, Christmas could wait a little more. Obviously, after this little morning fun, you would go open your gifts under the tree while Facetiming with your parents “Oh my God Max!” you burst out laughing, you couldn’t show this gift to your parents “But baby it was a limited Christmas edition!” he’d reply, making everyone laugh even more.

Theodore Twombly

- Knowing how romantic and old-fashioned Theodore is, he absolutely loved Christmas. It had been a rough period for when he was single and without anyone to celebrate Christmas with but Amy. Celebrating with a friend is much different than with your lover and family. So, he was more than excited to celebrate it with you.

- With Theodore you would get up before sunrise and take the car to drive to his chalet in the mountains. That already put you in the full Christmas atmosphere, it was sunny and full of snow, so much that for a while you thought you wouldn’t be able to access the chalet.

- You would spend Christmas eve and the next day together, just the two of you, in his chalet, lost in the mountains, it would become your little heaven frozen in time where only what you felt for each other mattered.

- Theodore would have shopped for your gifts the whole year, but he would have wrapped them a few days before Christmas, to keep the magic of the celebration. He would have gotten you all sorts of gifts, from an artisanal wooden carved object, to the latest video game you wanted. And you would have gotten a game too but what people call now old-fashioned one, a board game. Those were rather expensive today because people much preferred immersive virtual games now, but you were sure he would love it.

- Theodore would have already all the decorations you could possibly need, ready in boxes in the basement, you were honestly surprised by the choice in colors he had. You would both decorate the whole chalet, inside and outside with classic garlands and electrical garlands to, it was so much more beautiful than the holographic ones. This year, you would go for blue and white and also add candy canes in the tree because it was just too good not to put them. Speaking of the Christmas tree you would go get it in a pine tree nursery nearby. And the great thing was that you could chose it and cut it yourself, though you left that task to Theodore, despite several tries you couldn’t manage to hit the same spot each time; it was physical but you both really had fun.

- You would cook Christmas eve dinner together, already dressed in your warm and comfy pajamas; the fire lit in the chimney. You would make tons of different cookies with hot chocolate and marshmallows. Theodore was vegetarian and you too so you would cook a wonderful vegetarian dinner, something simple and delicious that wasn’t too complicated to make so that you could spend the day enjoying other things as well.

- You would have dinner with candle lights while listening to oldies Christmas songs, it would be super romantic and you couldn’t stop smiling all the time and Theodore felt the same, it was a perfect Christmas. Then, you would go on the balcony, wrapped in a warm blanket, Theodore hugging you from behind as you looked at the stars, the sky was clear and it was a stunning view. Actually, you don’t know how much time you stayed there, despite the cold, you both couldn’t stop looking. Though after a while it would be really cold and you would run inside to snuggle in front of the TV and watch Christmas movies, you barely payed attention to it, too busy exchanging tender kisses until you felt it was time to go to sleep.

- The following morning, after opening your gifts, the both of you were overjoyed with what you had gotten. And soon, your parents would join you and Theodore for a few days and they would also take you cross-country skiing, to the great joy of Theodore….he wasn’t a sport guy at all but he would follow you anywhere in the world.

Merrill Hess

- Christmas for Merill meant family time, he already spent a significant amount of time with his nephews and brother but less since you had moved together in a house farther down the neighborhood. And also, he was often away since he had integrated one of the best baseball team of the country. So, Christmas was a great way to be reunited all together.

- You would spend the whole day in family, playing the snow with your nephews, obviously Merill would start a snowball fight, and he was the best at it, great aim and great strength especially when you received it right in the face. And you, on your side struggled to reach your target, and you couldn’t even run after him to get closer, he ran damn fast! At least your nephews laughed a lot at this. Afterwards, you would make a snowman competition, you and Abigail against Merill and Morgan, and Graham, would decide of the winners and it was your team who won, and the price was extra cookies.

- Merill and Graham would go shopping while you watched after the children, who didn’t know at all that Santa was shopping. And in the meantime, with your nephews you would get the many boxes of decoration out of the basement and decorate the whole house so that that they would have the surprise when they come back. Though you would leave the nativity scene to Graham and his children, it was very important for them.

- In the meantime, the two brothers would not only buy the gifts but also food for the dinner, a menu that everyone had composed together. You had already your gift for Merill, a sled and a few DVDs of his favorite movies, as for him he would get you a tartan rug and the finest chocolates he could find, he knew how much you loved chocolate so he didn’t look at the price.

- For the Christmas tree you would all go together to pick it up, the children wanted the biggest one and Merill was always part of the children when it came to the Christmas tree. You and Graham would be more rational and manage to calm them down a bit and get them to chose one that would fit in the living room and 6’7 wasn’t bad at all.

- After playing a while outside and being frozen now, you would get to cooking, a great way to warm up again. Of course, the children were learning to cook so they participated in the elaboration of the dinner, it was a joyful moment where everyone had their importance and helped. Stuffed turkey, carrots, potatoes and an apple pie for dessert and everything in big portions because of the two growing up and the sportsman that was Merill.

- The night would be full of laughter and joy, after dinner you would settle by the fire and you tell Christmas tales with Graham while the three others were sitting crossed legged and listening to you, the little ones snuggled against their uncle. And then, all together you would watch Disney Christmas cartoons, there was nothing better to relax and dream of the wonderful gifts you would get tomorrow. After putting your nephews to bed, you and Merill would sleep back in his old room, reminding you of good memories, when you had started dating and your first time making love with him, it was very nice to spend Christmas here and you wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

- The next morning, you would be awakened by your nephews, running in the corridor and shouting that Santa had come and that many gifts were waiting to be unwrapped. You chuckled, thinking of Graham who had waited for them to be asleep to put the gifts underneath the tree. You wouldn’t take breakfast first, they were too impatient, and they didn’t seem very hungry, preferring to test their gifts together, including Merill with his sled, he could finally compete with his nephews as the big child he could be. But before you would convince them to eat their giant breakfast so they could play for hours in the snow.

Freddie Quell

- It’s not that Freddie didn’t like Christmas, but he never celebrated it in a normal way, from his terrible childhood to Christmas in the army which was mostly a lot of drinking and sex. So, in a way, this would be his first real Christmas, with you and his family-in-law.

- He would let you completely guide him through Christmas eve and day. He was a bit grumpy at first because he was frustrated; he wanted to fit in and understand how to do things right. He wanted you to be happy with your man.

- So, it would be best if you spent Christmas eve, just the two of you; Take baby steps with Freddie and tomorrow spend Christmas with your family where he would have to bear the shitty jokes of your uncle. You would take him outside to walk hands in hands a look at the store fronts especially decorated for Christmas, just to show him the colors and decorations, the joy of the adults and children looking at it, in short introduce him to the Christmas atmosphere. You wouldn’t stay for too long because you knew he couldn’t stand still and had a limited patience but still, you were pleasantly surprised by how calm he was, a boyish smile forming on his lips sometimes, it was great step forward and you were eager to spend this day with him.

- He would be the first to suggest going inside the shops and buy a few decorations for your house. Though, once inside he would be a bit overwhelmed by the crowd but also the crazy choice there was. He wouldn’t let go of your hand as you took him through the various alleys, he would be rather undecided about the color to pick, so you went for blue and gold, and he help you to pick up the shape and designs of the garlands and bulbs. And he was happy to carry out all the bags.

- “Do you need to go to another shop for a gift?” you asked him once outside of that shop “No, I actually have it already.” He replied looking away, he had his gifts for you for a while because he had taken great care to choose something that would fit, he had gotten you a dress and expensive perfume. You would look at him excitedly, the way he took care of you was always very attractive to you “Well, Mister Quell if you could wait for me in the car, I have one more thing to buy…” your murmured giving him a sensual kiss on the lips, he would chuckle already knowing how it would end once at home but also happy that you were about to buy his gift, a nice kit to make cocktails and expensive alcohol that he would savor with you, reasonably.

- You would stay home, you thought he would want to go to the restaurant but actually he preferred to be alone with you and have no distractions. You would decorate the house together, while he actually sang the Christmas songs everyone sang on the vessel, it was joyful songs and it was nice hear Freddie sing, it was an aspect of him you encouraged to come out. And while he finished decorating you cooked the fabulous dinner you would share, and which remained classic. Though soon you would feel his arms wrap around your waist and his lips tracing kisses along you neck; he couldn’t help it, whatever you did, you were sexy.

- Freddie was an unpredictable man and full of surprises. When you thought you would spend the evening in his arms at home, he would actually take you to the rooftop of a building and you didn’t understand why until a firework started and he had brought you where you would have the best view on it. Your eyes were shining all along and you snuggled in Freddie’s arms as you watch the show with him. And you would conclude the night by making love there, at the risk of getting a cold, but you didn’t care. In the end, it was Freddie who guided you through an amazing Christmas.

Ray Elwood

- Ray wouldn’t get a long permission for Christmas holidays, but at least he got a few days because you two were engaged. He was excited to spend Christmas outside of the base and with you, he had missed you so much, so much time away from you, only able to write to you or call you without being able to see you or hold you in his arms; he had missed you terribly and that was more important to him than celebrating Christmas.

- When you reached Germany, you had no idea of how your holidays with Ray would go, it was your first time in Europe and he had given you absolutely no indications of the program, if there was one. And that’s because he had a big surprise for you. You don’t know how much time it lasted when you embraced each other at the airport but to feel his warmth, his scent wrapped around you, his lips on yours, it was the best Christmas gift you could ever receive. After that, he would bring you to the base to introduce you to his friends and also to his boss, who had become a friend in a way, but a friend he also used to do his little business. After, he hadn’t been sent here for nothing but what could you do? You couldn’t stop loving him, and as far as you knew, he didn’t kill anyone, so that was good.

- And he would be really proud to show his beautiful fiancée to everyone, showing that you were real and a real knockout who was engaged to him. And his buddies were really nice and fun, they made you feel comfortable in this place full of men. However, once you two were alone again, he took out of his jacket two plane tickets for Paris “Spoiler alert, that’s your Christmas gift, a couple of days together in Paris.” He revealed to you, he had more than enough money for it and he wanted to spoil you, and he knew Paris was one of your dreams. You would be speechless, what a wonderful surprise “I prefer to tell you that my gift won’t be so crazy.” You chuckled, your eyes wet with emotion “Don’t worry baby, you are my gift.” He would reassure you, filling your face with kisses.

- And once in Paris, you realized Ray had really gone crazy, a superb hotel room, already decorated and even with Christmas tree in it, and gifts from the hotel like chocolates and perfumes. Though, you didn’t visit the city first, as soon as the door of the bedroom was closed and that the effect of surprise had passed, you literally jumped on Ray, the both ending making love passionately, again and again until you were satisfied, actually it didn’t change much from previous Christmas, there was always a lot of sex involved, for your greatest pleasure.

- And to make up for lost time, Ray would have the great idea to book a table on a barge on the Seine, it would enable the both of you to see the most beautiful monuments of the city, beautifully lit during the night and while you ate a typical French Christmas dinner and of course with great wine and champagne.

- After dinner, you would get off the boat and go watch the beautiful and famous store fronts of the Gallerie Lafayette incredibly decorated for Christmas, Paris was just amazingly decorated and the Christmas atmosphere was very present, it was perfect. Then, you would manage to convince Ray to go Ice skating with you, and after a few kisses and puppy eyes, he wouldn’t be able to resist and would just agree. The truth is that he was really bad at it and fell all the time on his behind, you were pretty much the same, but that’s where the fun was, trying to skate decently without falling. And the both of you would end up laughing a lot, clinging onto each other and ending up falling on each other.

- The day had been exhausting but worth it, it was the best Christmas holidays you ever had, and it was only starting, you still had a few days more with your fiancée. And despite exhaustion you would make love again, the Christmas atmosphere in the bedroom making it even more magical. And Ray had to admit that it really gave him the Christmas spirit and with you he was really enjoying this celebration. And even more so when he woke up the next morning and found underneath the Christmas tree a gift for him, he picked it up and went back in the bed to open it next to you. It wasn’t something big and flashy but it had more value to his eyes, you had made a photo album of you and him, all the pictures you took together since you were together and at the end of it you had included sexy pictures of you that you had made just for him; he would have a big smile, he was loving Christmas.

Also you my dear readers, tell me with which of these characters you would prefer to celebrate Christmas with!!

Tag list: @hopelessdisasterr @skaravile @lyoongx @weirdflecksbutok @beautifulyoungprospect @stellargirlie @rosebloodstuffandthangss @clowndaddyfleck @jaylovesbats @niniitah-ah @dreamingmaria @sagyunaro @just-a-fucking-comedy @spaceinvader @radio-hoo-ha @lady-carnivals-stuff @sierraclegane @legojorny @lemondedeniname @hvproductions @syvellsworld @charlie-sisters @papercut-paranoia @jokerflecker @cigznvalentines @help-i-am-obssessed @arthurfleckjoker2019 @theartistdetective @soulsdontbreaktheybeeend @fleckcmscott @obssessedandthirsty @ridiculousnerd @stardancerluv @sgtsavoytruffle @welcometomyhiddlesfandom @sanguinandoscrivo @valentina15 @phoenixbaby88 @captain-el-writes @thedamchii @ninathefandomcollector @kiddastle @lovesickforjoaqvin @joaquins-angel @alexsportello @ohcarlesmycarles @rajacero @bring-your-holy-water @rajacero @morrisonmercuryphoenix @fly-like-a-phoenix @the-joaq-is-extra

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xxisxxisxxis · 4 years

Text

La fin

Inspired by this ask.

Present day Duff and Vivian reflect on their romantic relationship

I sat down with my best friend to discuss our affair for the first time in 26 years…and gain a final piece of closure the two of us have yet to attain from one another.

"This is gonna be interesting because both of our spouses are here." I say as I sit down, at my kitchen bar and Duff takes a sip of his water before joining me.

"Nah, Su's as cool as a cucumber. We got this." He replies. "...I don't know about Sixx but me, you and Su can handle it." He teases.

"If you get war flashbacks, baby, just remember you're sober." I tell Nikki and he chuckles.

"I'll just go to the bathroom and sing 'Kumbaya'." Nikki adds and Susan laughs.

"It won't be that bad." She assures him. "I got my waterproof mascara on. I'm ready."

"I'm getting through this without crying." I state.

"You cry over google commercials, Viv." Duff informs me.

"Because they know how to market. This happened…" I have to do the math. "...thirty-two and a half years ago. I won't cry."

"Okay, well, just in case, I came prepared." Susan tosses me a pack of Kleenex.

"Thank you." I say to her, doubting I'll need it.

"I'm about to start the camera." Nikki tells us, going to press start on the camera he's got set up to film this. "Oh, it's already started." He states.

"It's okay, people won't care." I shrug, taking a sip of my Pepsi. "Okay, Hey, Guys." I say to the camera. "This is a very special occasion because I'm here with my best friend, and the father of my first child, Michael Andrew McKagan a.k.a Duff McKagan a.k.a Daddy McKagan according to some of you nasty, freaky, bastards." I pipe and Duff rubs his face.

"Oh my God." He chuckles.

"Do you read your instagram comments?" I remind him and he nods.

"It's just so weird to hear it in real time." He explains. "I think that's one of the most odd things you can call a sexual partner. Like…'daddy'..."

We just stare at each other for a moment and I look at the camera.

"He just single handedly dragged me in the nicest way possible." I say to him as Nikki and Susan try not to laugh.

"No, I jus--well, you can say whatever the hell you wanna say and call him whatever you wanna call him because you've earned it with the shit you've been through, but it's just odd for me to go online and there's, like, girls 30 years younger than me calling me 'daddy.' Like, I'm not sure if you realize this, sweetie, but I have daughters your age." He points out and I start laughing. "I-I could actually be your dad. Careful now."

"I think Vince has a higher chance of being these horny girls' father." I state.

"I know, but it's just food for thought, you know?" He shrugs.

"I don't even know how to transition from that to the topic--which is a serious topic, but this is just...oh my gosh." I giggle out, not able to stop.

"Speaking of 'food for thought'," He creates a transition for us to go into what we're talking about and I take the opportunity.

"Yes, we will be discussing our weird relationship-but-not-really-because-I-was-married-and-confused situationship in honor of my book coming out 'Verbatim: The Truth, The Whole Truth, & Nothing Left Unsaid', which tells everything that happened from 1981, to early 2000s, that people have already read about in everybody else's books." I explain. "I've had this, 'it isn't anybody's business' mindset and now, I feel like I'm in a place where I can tell what happened, including our thing--which is something, believe it or not, we have not talked about as much as people think we have."

"No, we haven't."

"I don't know exactly why we haven't spoken about it much, like it happened, it obviously happened because we got a son out of it...we just haven't acknowledged it happened, really. Which is why we're gonna ask the tough questions and hopefully get through some stuff."

"Which is nice because I honestly think the last time we even alluded to it was 1994, right after I got sober, and was advised to resolve things in my friendships, and even then we didn't get everything out there." He replies. "At least I didn't, and I feel like a lot of people have something to say about it, and we spent so many years letting other people define what that time was to us--which it was such a private and personal thing between the two of us that other people's two cent shouldn't have had the impact on us that it did--but we let it get to that point where we lost sight of what it meant to us and let it be defined however the fuck people wanted to call it. And that wasn't good for either of us, and I think that's one of the things that's kept me from bringing it up again. Especially now that, ya know, I'm married, have two grown daughters with Susan, you have Nikki and your children, and I've always thought there's no point in bringing something up that happened--like you said--thirty-two, almost thirty-three--years ago.

"Because you don't want to hear the b.s."

"Because I don't want to hear the b.s." He agrees. "But the more I've thought about it, there are parts of me that feels like I didn't get to say what I wanted to say when we decided to go separate ways, and that just gets fucking heavier and heavier with each year, and I'm sure you might, too."

"Oh, definitely." I agree completely, able to relate to it. "I feel like one of the main reasons for me, why I haven't tried to talk to you about it is because, like you said, people will automatically start something out of absolutely nothing, but also because I felt like I never had the right to." I state and he furrows his brows a little. "Why did you wait so long to tell me how you really felt about me?

He lets out a breath before thinking a moment.

"I refused to hinder what little happiness you had left in your relationship with Nikki. I knew you guys were struggling, I knew you were fighting like hell to get your relationship back on track, and I didn't want you to have any more confusion going on than what was already being put on you and if I would have told you how I felt, that would've done that. And then I was with Mandy for a while and that kinda helped me feel like I was over those feelings, but I realized I wasn't when she and I broke up."

"Did anybody else know about how you felt or..?"

"Well, I--yeah, Stevie thought it was just a little, like, I had a crush on you, but Izzy knew I loved you...which is why he wasn't shocked when they found out about us." He says. "...Of course he wasn't surprised because all the Nikki/Vanity stuff happened, so he was kinda expecting you to do something, which--okay, I don't know how to ask this." He admits, thinking of how to word it, glancing at Nikki.

"What?" I ask him.

"I just don't want to come across as an asshole for asking this because I'm assuming it's a lot deeper than just...okay, whatever, I'm asking it." He decides.

"Okay." I prepare for it and he sighs.

"Why did it take that level of public humiliation for you to realize you weren't in a good marriage?" He asks and it nearly makes the breath leave my body, Nikki and I looking at each other.

"Because it was public." I confess. "Everything else that had been done, had been done in private. There was no public input on it, there was nobody watching the situation unfold under a microscope, everything that happened up to that point was private. So, he could trip during a crack binge and shoot me and I could stay with him because I didn't have the public watching me, giving their opinions. But when his mistress announces it on TV, I can't just gloss over that because now everybody knows and has an inkling that 'uh oh, they're not this perfect relationship they've made people believe they are' and yes we came out and said it was a lie and tried to undo that damage that Denise caused, so physically I was still in the marriage, mentally I was drawing up divorce papers. And I'm not completely sure it was just the very public aspect of it, I think it was the fact it was her. And I realized, 'I can't compete with a woman who has absolutely everything about her that Nikki is addicted to: she knows how to have a good time, she's equally as wild as him, she's got the sex appeal, she's got all the drugs, she's on the same level as him in terms of entertainment industry' just everything that I wasn't...she was. And I was too exhausted at the point to try to compete with her so I gave up when that came out."

"I remember Izzy ranting, 'she's fucking comparing herself to Vanity and there's no reason to'." He impersonates Izzy and I chuckle.

"He drilled into my head for years to follow that I was fine the way I was, I didn't need to change anything about my looks, my personality, my hobbies, my sobriety, like it was like 'The Help' when she's constantly reassuring the little girl 'you is smart, you is kind, you is important'." I quote. "Anytime Izzy could see me struggling with myself or not feeling my best he'd be like 'seventeen outta ten, Viv. Seventeen.'"

Duff looks enlightened, and points to the space behind my right ear.

"That's why've got '17' right there." He realizes and I nod. "In his writing." He adds.

"In his writing." I confirm.

"That's--wow. I didn't know you struggled with that for so long because there was no competition." He assures me.

"Well, I already had shitty self-esteem and then that made it worse, and then even when you and I were together I still had this fear a little bit that you were only with me to help yourself get over Mandy."

"Abso-fucking-lutely not." He doesn't even think before saying and I feel myself tear up a little. "No way. No freaking way. I loved you, Viv, I really, really did. When you told me that you were filing as soon as the tour was over I started planning out our lives together, as crazy or cheesy that makes me seem, like, I was really going for it." He tells me.

"Duff." I feel guilty, my heart aching a little.

"I remembered, 'okay, she wants this many kids, she says she likes dogs but really wants a cat, too, she doesn't want to live in the middle of the city, she doesn't want an over-the-top house, she wants to go back to school at some point so I'll put away some savings for that', like, I was planning out everything and fitting Guns N' Roses in wherever there was time in that whole plan. I was ready to be with you and start a life with you. I really, really was." He adds and I see Susan's sympathy for him, only adding to my guilt.

"Well, just rip my heart out, why don't you?" I ask him to add some relief and Susan giggles, her bright smile coming back to her lips.

"Right?" She asks. "Geez, babe."

"I'm just saying." Duff tells us.

"Nikki didn't even plan his days out when he woke up back then, and then you were there with a calculator adding up how much money you probably needed to put away for my schooling."

"We wouldn't have had any money to go to school, anyway, Viv, 'cause it was all going to taxes and heroin." Nikki points out and I think for a moment.

"And house payments."

"And house payments." He agrees as I look back to Duff, who looks like he's thinking about something.

"Okay, sorry if this is a weird question, but what did you mean you felt like you had 'no right' to talk about our relationship?"

"Okay, well, we broke up, I was working on things with Nikki, you married Mandy four months after we broke up...I felt like 'okay, you've already gotten your husband back, he's gotten Mandy back, they're married, who the--' pardon my french ''--fuck are you to bring up your relationship and how it affected your friendship when you're both married to other people and doing your own things? Who are you to be worried with your time with him when you're with Nikki and he's got a wife, now?'."

"Ohh, yeah. Yeah." He knows what I'm talking about, nodding. "So, you kinda felt like it was disrespectful to dwell on it too long." He adds.

"Exactly. And I didn't want to disrespect Nikki, or Mandy, or Linda, and now Susan, by trying to work on us again, as friends, because we are exes, whether we want to admit it, we are. We dated. And I feel like it's easy to forget that sometimes because it was so long ago and that freaking sucks because I don't want…" My voice cracks and he looks at me pointedly as tears come to my eyes and I take a deep breath. "...I don't want to forget that time. And I'm not trying to be rude to my marriage or yours or make it seem like I still have those feelings for you, because I don't, but I don't want to forget there was a time in that hellacious cycle my life was in at that moment, that for a few months, I was genuinely happy in the midst of my life falling apart." I explain, sniffling. "And that wouldn't have been the case, if not for you. And I don't want to forget that."

"Vivian." He says as I grab at a tissue and I see Susan knuckle a tear in her tear duct.

"I don't know, it just felt like there was never a right time to address what happened fully because everything was happening so fast in our personal lives, for you and Guns, for Nikki and the band, I started having kids, and you got married a second time and your drinking was worse and worse, so it just never happened."

"Can I ask you something else?" He says and I nod. "When do you think we should have said, 'look, we were together, it happened, and it's okay'. Because we avoided it like the plague for years and still do at times, and that's practically due to--like I said earlier--listening to how people defined it. Like you were called a 'whore' and a 'slut' and just awful shit in public and in papers and tabloids for years after it happened and I feel like because of that, there was that element of 'we should be ashamed of ourselves and just pretend it never fucking happened' surrounding it, even though we had Monroe who's breathing proof of what happened at some point, but we just treated it as if we adopted him together as friends or something like--" I laugh, wiping a tear, and he laughs with me for a few seconds. "--it's the truth, though, we never talked about our relationship. We went on Howard Stern in '88 right after Monroe was born, and he grilled us about it, but we just shut the fuck down after that and didn't speak of anything again for a couple years until we got in that fight over you limiting my time with Monroe, and then again in '94, and that was it--and none of those times really accomplished anything. At all."

"We should have had that conversation before you got married to Mandy that May." I point out.

"That was so, so soon." He smiles nervously. "That was too soon, way too soon, to get married."

"You proposed to her the day after we broke up." I recall and he nods.

"I sure did. I sure as hell did. So stupid." He states. "I learned not to make important decisions when I'm in pain. 'Cause I married two different women when I was going through some painful stuff and only made it worse." He explains.

"And see that's the thing because you had me completely convinced you wanted Mandy. Like I felt so much better when we broke up, knowing you were with who you really wanted to be with, and I was with who I wanted to be with, and then I found out in an argument with you that you were miserable and married Mandy to try to make yourself excited about being back together with her."

"And that's exactly why I told you that because I needed you to be happy and if I would have told you how I really felt about you, you wouldn't have been happy because you would've felt guilty for staying with Nikki and fixing things with him. And I wouldn't have forgiven myself if I would have put you through that so I married Mandy so fast because I was hurt, and I thought I loved her as much as I loved you, and I held on to that and ran with it." He tells me. "Why wasn't I good enough for you to stay?"

I go to answer, before the weight of what he's asking really hits me, and several tears topple down my cheeks before I'm wiping them away.

"I can't begin to put into words how highly you surpassed 'good enough'." I inform him when I finally speak. "Um, my decision to stay with Nikki had absolutely nothing to do with you. That was all me, and issues I thought were resolved within myself that weren't resolved at all, I was just ignoring them." I say. "And something in me was telling me not to stay with you...and I fully believe that was God telling me to back the hell off because he had a plan for you and I had no business accompanying you in that plan as your significant other." I explain. "And I hate to say this, but I really feel like we would have gotten divorced."

His eyes widen and his brows raise, a knowing smile on his lips as his nods his head.

"And I hate to think that but we would have made it, maybe, up until '92 because I wasn't even your wife or your girlfriend but just being around you made me so miserable." I admit. "I-It was like--you would get up and start drinking until you passed out that night. I was watching the person who had his shit together the most in my life, fall apart, and that was scary for me because we had a son who was witnessing his dad spiral."

"Yeah." He rubs his lips together.

"And getting you to take accountability for what you were doing was like trying to bathe a cat." I add.

"And it took me months after getting sober to evaluate what went wrong in my life with the band, what went wrong in my relationships, what went wrong in my parenting with Monroe, what went wrong in my friendship/co-parentship with you, and own up to what I played a part in because none of it imploded on it's own, or just because of other people, like I played a part in all of it, too, and admitting that took a lot of time to swallow my pride and just accept that I became the very thing I got pissed at Nikki for being, years prior to that, and saying, 'okay, I made all those mistakes, I fucked up, how can I do better and learn from it to better myself, to better my friendships, to better my relationship with my son, and just do what I'm supposed to do?' And I even ended up going to Nikki, and apologizing for what happened between us," he motions between me and him, "because even before you and him were separated over the Vanity thing, knowing you went to me for shit, over him, made him feel less than, made him feel like he wasn't a good enough husband and I kinda felt the same way when he stepped up for Monroe when I was going through my drinking, and it made me feel like I wasn't adequate enough as a father because Monroe was leaning a bit more on him than he was on me, and for the shit I was going through in my life with my alcoholism and drugs, I was doing the best I could do as a dad. And it made me realize that Nikki was doing the best he could do as a husband back when he was in the thick of his heroin addiction, because he was sick and couldn't fucking help himself, just like I was sick and couldn't help myself, and neither of us wanted to hear we had a problem, neither of us wanted help. And I know people are gonna, 'well, Nikki cheated and was mean to her and this and that', I know what you looked like when Nikki was hurting you. I know the look you would get on your face...I know that I hurt you as much as Nikki did through my drinking because you would look at me the way you would look at him when you weren't recognizing the person in front of you due to how royally they had fucked themselves up."

"Yes." I nod, not even arguing.

"And that fucking hurt to realize that I was hurting you as bad as he had, and I remembered getting so pissed at him for doing that back in '86/'87 as he got worse, but then I did it, too, and that experience really opened my eyes when I got sober because I wouldn't have been humbled in that way had I not had a drinking addiction and reached that low, and I do think that's one of the reasons that was allowed to happen to me." He finishes and I take a deep breath before asking:

"If Monroe wouldn't have been conceived, if we wouldn't have had a child to come out of our relationship, knowing what we know now, how we ended up not staying together, the public slander and stuff we had to go through...would you still have had a relationship with me, if you could go back and change it?"

"Without a doubt, yes." He says, matter-of-fact. "It would have been a waste of a blessing to not have taken the opportunity to love someone as recklessly--maybe even stupidly, at times--unconditionally, with the magnitude I loved you with, at such a young age. Like, usually you can expect to find something like what we had when people get a little older, and get through all their bullshit relationships before finding the person that loves them for them fully, but I had the chance of experiencing that when I was, like, in my early twenties...and I didn't experience that again, and so much more, until I met Susan." He says and I nod. "And I don't want you to think that because we haven't spoken about it, maybe as much as we should have, that I'm ashamed of you or us or embarrassed, because I'm not proud that we did what we did in that timing--because it was really shitty timing and we both can agree on that, I think," he raises his brows and I agree, "but I will never be ashamed, or apologetic, or embarrassed that I ever had that with you. I felt like one of the most fortunate people to even know you, and then to have that relationship we had--even for the few months it lasted--was just...it was such a short time compared to how long you've been with Nikki and how long I've been with Su, but we spent it loving each other the best that we could. And we really did love each other, and we do still love each other--even if it's not in that same way, the spirit of it, I guess, is still there. There's still that 23 year old kid in me that'll kick somebody's ass over you, and wants to see you happy, and is in absolute love with you. And don't get me wrong, there's a 56 year old me that wants to see you happy and that'll still kick somebody's ass over you." He clarifies, making me laugh. "I'm just pointing out that even when those feelings went away, I don't think that bond ever did."

"Yeah." I nod, sniffling as I press a tissue to under my eye to catch more tears. "Do you, um...do you remember our break up?"

He exhales and gives me a little smile, nodding, before tears come to his eyes.

"I--yeah, I...I remember it…" He informs me.

"We had just gotten done messing around, and if we did anything before we went to bed we would just stay in bed and go to sleep, but if we did anything in the afternoon or whatever we'd get up shortly after and clean up and go about the day. And we got done, it was, like, 2:00pm, and it was this odd feeling in the midst of it that 'this is gonna be the last time we ever do this with one another', and neither of us said a word, we just laid there with each other for four hours when we were done, taking in every second that we could. Well I finally got up to go back home and check on Nikki because he had OD'd the night before." I explain.

"And you went to the door to leave and I stopped you, and was like, 'I know you're going to make things right with Nikki, and I'm going to fix things with Mandy, and I want you to know that I love you, and I'm proud of you, and I always will and always will be'. Of course you can understand me a little better now because I was crying when I choked those out, but, um," he laughs and I smile back more tears. "And you said, 'thank you, I love you, Duff' and gave me a kiss and a hug and then you were gone."

"And we rarely spoke about it, again."

"And we rarely spoke about it, again." He confirms and I let out a breath, feeling more tears swell in my eyes. "What a fucking way to end a relationship." He adds.

"This is where I'm really gonna start crying, um…" I start, chuckling nervously. "...I wasn't thanking you for being understanding, I was thanking you for everything that you'd done for me, and it took me a while to understand that that was one of the things I felt like was unresolved because that 'thank you' had a lot of weight behind it." I tell him.

"Okay." He tells me, listening intently.

"This is so freaking stupid and unhealthy but I wrote suicide notes for when Nikki finally OD'd and died, because I knew if he were to go, I'd have to go with him, I couldn't live without him." I tell him and he looks a shocked. "You taught me that I could live without him when I didn't think that I could, and you brought me so much peace and rest in a time when I couldn't remember the last time I was at peace, and I sure as hell couldn't get any rest. And I felt, and still feel, so indebted to you for those months that you spent trying your hardest to fix what you didn't break--you risked your career over me, you protected me, you defended me, you supported me, you loved me--and that's what I was thanking you for that day, and I feel like I've got a weight off my shoulders now because I have never told you that and I've always wanted to but didn't think it was a good time."

"Holy shit, Viv." He wipes a stray tear, and I see Susan doing the same, Nikki just smiling at me like he's glad I've gotten that weight off of me, because he knows I've been wanting to say it for years.

"And I'm sorry it was such a shitty breakup that kind of came out of nowhere."

"The way you were screaming and crying and begging God whenever we were trying to get Nikki to wake up, I knew if he lived you were gonna fix things. I was prepared for it, I promise." He assures me. "And I'm really glad we got to do this and get this out there with each other and I really hope you were able to get some closure with this, because I really did."

"I did, too." I nod, wiping more tears.

"I love you." He tells me as we get out of our chairs, giving me a quick, innocent, peck on the lips, before hugging me tightly.

"I love you, too."

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