#‘all these monsters follow me around but there are BILLIONS of people more worthwhile to be around than me haha.’ ‘hey-’ ‘so where to :D?’

[lem-argentum]

the idea of an ff/xv rf4 au is really fun but i canNOT figure out which roles everyone’d have. because i think a lest-like role of “forced into acting-princehood and supposed to grow vegetables” when he hates them is really funny for noct, but also an arthur-like role of “yeah i was sent here on business but i really don’t care and i’m up for defying my dad so YOU, some stranger, can do all my princely duties instead” fits him too well to pass up. AND earthmate prom would be really cuute..

in general i think umm if prom wasn’t a protagonist he’d be like how elena is in tides of destiny, because she’s the only tinkerer-ish character i can think of? i don’t know if he’d be a blacksmith character specifically but something along those lines. i don’t THINK there are any photographer characters but i know photos DO exist so that would be a hobby of his <3 and he’d get along with monsters he’d befriend them all the time :) whether on purpose or on accident because he’s just like that <3 he comes back to town with a bunch of woolies following him n is like “uhh.. these lil guys kinda wouldn’t leave me alone, i think they’re hungry or something? so iggy if you wouldn’t mind cooking eight meals right now thennn-”

speaking of iggy i know he’d fit the butler role pretty well but i want him to do his own thing so he’d be a cook :) maybe he’d help out at the apothecary too sometimes (even though there’s not one in rf4.. apothecaries are more fun than clinics..) <3 gladio’d be a knight. simple. i.. can’t think of anything more fun for him but he’d probably be the character that teaches you about weapons n things <3

OH cindy would be a blacksmith!!! she’d be the type of character players would complain about not being romanceable but that’d actually be because she’s aroace and she’d have dialogue about it :) (your canon-game lines about being married to your work have not slipped past me cindy i know what you are.) luna would work at the flower shop (because sylleblossoms)!!! <3 maybe at a library too, since i associate her with books because of the lil pen pal book she has with noct.. maybe aranea’d be a sechs soldier who leaves after deciding she hates their goals & methods and then she’d join town and be one of the candidates and really cool an d pretty and

iris is too young to have any sort of job and gladio wouldn’t let her come on his knightly excursions but she’d hang around the restaurant with iggy a lot :> she’d totally be able to convince prom to go with her to the forests n things though, because he can’t say no to letting her explore and the way monsters ease up around him make him a safe person to be around. <3 noct would also join them sometimes and they’d both be happy about it :) <3

#lem text #lem ramblings #i said ‘i can’t figure out everyone’s roles’ and then immediately. did that. but like listen- #i just want prom to be a tinkerer who loses track of time and doesn’t notice it’s turned night til noct comes to give him something- #-and is like ‘..have you even LEFT your house today? have you eaten?? what’ve you even been working on all this time??’ #and for prom to be like ‘huh? what? what time is it? SEVEN?? DIVINE DRAGONS DUDE WHAT’ #<- doug said ‘by the divine dragons; dude!!’ in a fic once and i thought it was hilarious so it’s in my mind now. <3 #prom’d fit SO well in an rf game because he’d be the happy-go-lucky neighbor with self esteem issues that you don’t find out about til later #before his event where he opens up to you about it all he just makes little lighthearted comments that make you concerned about him #‘all these monsters follow me around but there are BILLIONS of people more worthwhile to be around than me haha.’ ‘hey-’ ‘so where to :D?’ #ignore me about aranea also. she’s uh er umm uh <3 #can you tell i’m feeling better by my rambling hehednz <33 love you <3 :)

[marshmallowgoop]

I can’t think of anyone else who does this kind of year-in-review compilation for writing, but I put one together for 2017 and would like to continue to do so. It’s just nice to get a sense of what I’ve accomplished in 12 months, especially when I feel that I haven’t accomplished much of anything.

Unlike last year, though, I’m including all kinds of writing I’ve done this time around. My non-fiction work is important to me, too.

Mental health talk and text versions of these snippets under the cut.

To cut right to the chase, 2018 was rough. No matter all my flowery pep talks trying to be positive and uplifting, my feelings of inadequacy skyrocketed. I drenched myself in my own self-depreciating “humor,” and I ridiculed my hopes and dreams. Every time I felt my work was poorly received, I’d tell myself, “Well, what did you think would happen? That people would actually like what you do?”

But I never wanted to stop “keeping on.” I wanted to continue what I loved no matter what, and I threw myself into my writing. There would be days where I wouldn’t eat or do anything else until I’d finished an essay. I spent practically the entire month of November sleeping on my couch because I never wanted to “go to bed” until I had written more, posted more, done more. My head became filled with a constant mantra of, “You’ll never be enough.”

And I wanted to prove myself wrong. I wanted to be something—even if that something was just being happy with myself. But all the proclamations that I’m “getting better!” and “improving so much!” never did much for my confidence. What good is progress, after all, if I still feel like I’m nowhere?

Still, I tried to be productive about my failure. So I wasn’t satisfied with what I was doing. What could I do to be satisfied? I took different approaches to my content. I asked for advice, opinions. But that feeling of being nothing remained.

And yet, I’d always say things like, “I’m okay. I’m just frustrated.” Or, “I felt better after I binged some Netflix, haha.” I wanted to be helpful, inspiring. I wanted to tell people that it’s hard, but it gets better. I wanted to come off as the happy person I so wish to be, and I felt guilty every time I revealed any of my insecurities. Nobody wants to hear that stuff. Everyone suffers. I’m not special.

So maybe that’s why I feel it’s important to say now that I’m not okay. I’m hurting. I’m in pain. There are times I hate myself so much that I can think of nothing but how I’m ugly both inside and out, that I’m selfish, ungrateful, a total bitch.

And I want to be better! Of course I do. And I want to continue to work to be better.

But right now? I’m not okay. And running away from that fact and trying to hide it won’t help me or anyone else.

It was a rough year. I feel I made a total fool of myself more times than I would care to admit. But I also created a lot of art. I shared a lot of art with the world.

And you know what? I am proud of myself. I did impact people with what I did. I answered over 100 asks! I added more than 17 pages to my “replies” tag! I’m not nothing, and I need to stop treating myself like I am!

On to a better, healthier 2019!

Texts

January

Yes, DARLING goes way further than I’m comfortable with, but in doing so, and in doing so seriously, it tells the viewer in no indirect terms that the relationship between Hiro and Zero Two isn’t a joke. This ain’t another Ryuko and Senketsu, where all the blatantly suggestive themes between a human and a non-human are easily neglected and there’s the insistence that the relationship is akin to that of a child and their parental figure (yuck), because unlike Ryuko and Senketsu, there is 1,000% the sense that this series intends for its leads to be like that. There’s practically no other way around it. Just look at the title.

DARLING also doesn’t seem to be following in the footsteps of a run-of-the-mill monster movie, either, where a relationship between a human and a non-human is treated as something terrifying. There have only been two episodes so far, but I would say that there is something genuine in the relationship between Hiro and Zero Two already.

February

So, I don’t have a “bad” section this week. While DARLING might have tonal problems as a whole, as far as “Your Thorn, My Badge” is concerned, there’s little to complain about. The episode is serious, and it stays serious. For the first time ever, there’s a distinct lack of gratuitous fanservice, and other issues that plague the show are also wonderfully absent. No awful cockpit set-up can be seen here, abuse from a woman isn’t depicted as funny, quirky, and cute, and what’s unsettling is portrayed as unsettling.

March

Senketsu’s story—intentionally or not—has easy parallels to stories of marginalization and “otherness.” Like Akira Fudo of Devilman, Senketsu has the body of a “monster” but the heart of a human, and consequently, he can’t fit well in either world. No matter how silly Kill la Kill is, there’s something incredibly worthwhile in a narrative where someone who feels worthless and as though they don’t belong anywhere finds love and comes to understand that they matter. The fact that Senketsu’s story gets so neglected is beyond disappointing for exactly this reason.

But the erasure is also disappointing because Senketsu’s story is plain good. Throwing out everything I just wrote, isn’t it sweet, for a girl to decide that she cares more for a kind, compassionate person than what anyone thinks of her for being with him? Isn’t it heartwarming, that she would push herself to be as strong as she can be to return him to full health when he’s injured? Isn’t it worthy of praise, that there’s the depiction of a relationship built on communication and respect between the two, without either of them unhealthily idolizing the other even though they are both among each other’s first friends, and where they openly discuss their thoughts and feelings and concerns together? Isn’t this all something to be celebrated?

April

To make matters worse, the almost-final version of the script (as included in The Complete Script Book) doesn’t even include that tiny moment of Ryuko’s grief in the end at all! To quote:

街(数ケ月後)

可愛い服を着てマコとデートしている流子。ソフトクリームを買おうとショップによる。そこにもう一人の手が伸びる。買っているのは皐月。彼女も私服だ。驚く流子とマコ。はにかむ皐月。三人、笑いあう。その姿は屈託のない１０代の少女だった。

Incredibly rough translation:

City (a few months later)

Mako wears cute clothes on her date with Ryuko. The two go to buy soft-serve ice cream. Another person’s hand extends, and it’s revealed that Satsuki is buying the ice cream for them. She’s wearing normal clothes, and Ryuko and Mako are amazed. Satsuki is shy. The three laugh together. It is the image of carefree teenage girls.

May

Of course, as I’ve said before, I do think it’s important to talk seriously about media, because media is important. Media constantly impacts and influences us. #TheDiscourse definitely has a place.

But the goal of these kinds of discussions should be to improve. We should strive for better and more inclusive media. We should strive for better and more inclusive fandom. When #TheDiscourse instead becomes more about who’s the most morally superior and who’s the most garbage, it’s failing at this goal. Instead of being about bettering our art, #TheDiscourse seems to, more often than not, be about bullying other people under the guise of righteousness. And it’s utterly repugnant.

June

But what bothers me most about the argument isn’t really the argument itself. What irks me more than anything else is how this widely held belief emphasizes a disheartening trend: whenever something as popular as Kill la Kill comes along, there’s perhaps an eagerness to accept some of the most negative interpretations possible, almost as if there’s a desire for something awful.

And, sure. Maybe I’m just “reacting in shock and horror” to interpretations that are separate from my own. It’s not like there’s anything inherently wrong with a negative view of a work. It’s not like any of my more positive readings are “more correct.” I can’t claim to “get” a piece of art more than anyone else does.

But I can’t help it. I wish things were different. I wish negative interpretations weren’t seen as “more valid” simply because they’re negative. I wish more people weren’t afraid to disagree with popular negative interpretations for fear of sounding like they’re “reacting in shock and horror,” as though there’s really something so wrong about being passionate about art and finding a negative interpretation of art to actually be negative in itself. I wish for more nuance. I wish for more discussion. 

July

I mean, just imagine this. You’re fighting a battle whose outcome will literally decide whether or not your entire planet explodes into a billion pieces in like two hours. It’s not only your life on the line. Everyone you care about have their lives on the line, too. 

To make matters worse, it ain’t going well for your side. You’ve been rendered basically immobile by a cheap attack from these world-destroying baddies… and so have all your allies. Things are looking pretty grim, to say the least.

And then one of your big-name enemies goes and does it. She laughs at your efforts and taunts you and—get this—she says something that totally insults your OTP.

Now, a normal person would probably not be thinking about OTPs during a fight to save the Earth from turning into confetti. 

A normal person is not Mako Mankanshoku.

August

But I find Grosz’s thesis compelling in regards to Kill la Kill because, in a lot of ways, Ryuko and Senketsu do rather embody typical positions of men and women in fictional stories both East and West… except, the roles are reversed. Ryuko is the unruly, aggressive, and hot-blooded protagonist just as a man often is, and Senketsu exhibits many traits that are traditionally associated with women; he’s sensitive, emotional, and a considerable worrywart. Further, while I find the term “love interest” both degrading and unfitting for Senketsu in a series that Word of God denies any romantic intention for, I have to admit that he fits many of the conventions. In an anime with a cast primarily composed of women, the fact that Senketsu is arguably coded as male makes him, just as the standard heteronormative “love interest,” the most narratively significant character of another gender in the show (for just a few other examples, see Ran from Detective Conan, Sam from Danny Phantom, Katara from Avatar: The Last Airbender, and Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon). Whether I’m watching an anime or an American cartoon, I don’t think I’d be too surprised to see a scenario like the one from the end of Kill la Kill’s thirteenth episode, where a man tells a woman that he’s afraid of losing control and needs her to be there for him so that he doesn’t.

September

The official website for Kill la Kill the Game: IF is now up.

As of this writing, the site details gameplay mechanics and other general information regarding the game. There are also short bios and new game-specific artwork provided for the four confirmed playable characters: Ryuko Matoi, Satsuki Kiryuin, Ira Gamagoori, and Uzu Sanageyama. The “Video” section features the trailer from Anime Expo 2018 and the original 30-second commercial (which now has English subtitles available).

The “Top” page also includes a link to the Arc System Works Event Portal Site, where any potential players can download a detailed Play Guide for the game. Additionally, the site provides a schedule for the upcoming showcase of Kill la Kill the Game: IF at Tokyo Game Show 2018:

October

She catches their reflection in the long mirrors that line the gym walls and asks how in the world it all works.

He does not know what she means.

She holds a hand to her hair. The strands are bright and red, leaping into the air like fire.

His voice is a low rumble. The sound fills her as though it is her own.

We are one now, he says. Your skin is my skin, and mine is yours.

The words remind her to once more return to herself.

But when she looks to the glass, she still sees him.

November

Gridman is also quite stunning from a directorial and visual standpoint. As I wrote up some notes for the premiere while waiting for my multiple-hours-delayed Greyhound bus (hey I can’t not recommend that service enough, but those of you who were in full-out cosplay at the station are so much stronger than me), I made sure to mention how much I enjoyed the focus on scenery and environments. A lot of anime will rely heavily on stale shot-reverse-shot conversations in which the characters hardly move, but Gridman mixes things up. When the characters talk, viewers get these wonderful glimpses of their world. Sometimes, you’ll hardly even see the characters at all! This choice feels so fresh and different, and I was particularly taken by how the opening moments of the show are just about entirely background shots.

Takeuchi mentions in the interviews that Gridman director Akira Amemiya is incredibly skilled at what he does, and everything in a cut—from objects to angles to facial expressions—all have meaning. I think I could definitely see that from episode 1, and it’s a real treat. That’s exactly what visual storytelling should be doing.

December

Jiro’s Mubyoshi is neat, but Ryuko’s? It’s sweet as all heck. No matter Houka’s complicated info dump about what she’s doing, the actual scene simply plays out like one of the purest expressions of love. There’s a reason that there’s nudity here, and it’s not for fanservice or titillation. It’s to signify the closeness of Ryuko and Senketsu in this moment—to say that, right here, the two of them are uniting as one.

And it’s beautiful. Intimate. Absolutely heartwarming. Ryuko openly shares a part of herself that even Senketsu hadn’t known before, and he adores it. He loves being with Ryuko so much. He loves her so much.

And Ryuko? Shy, closed-off, keeps-her-distance-even-from-her-family Ryuko? She’s completely unabashed. Senketsu has always paid attention to her pulse and breathing and so on and so forth, and she doesn’t even hesitate to reveal more. This is her sound, and she wants him to listen. She wants him to hear nothing else. She trusts him, fully and completely—and this trust is so breathtakingly powerful that Houka even unzips his hoodie in awe of it.

#just before 2018 ends over here! #goop makes a personal post #long post #ramblings #happy new year y'all!

[deadmediafuneralparty]

Ever notice how many books there are about the Internet these days? About 13,493 so far, right? And how about "multimedia?" There are 8,784 books on this topic, even though no one has ever successfully defined the term. CD-ROM -- is there a single marketable topic left that hasn't been shovelwared into the vast digital mire that is CD-ROM? And how about the "Information Superhighway" and "Virtual Reality"? Every magazine on the planet has done awestruck vaporware cover stories on these two consensus-hallucinations. Our culture is experiencing a profound radiation of new species of media. The centralized, dinosaurian one- to-many media that roared and trampled through the 20th century are poorly adapted to the postmodern technological environment. The new media environment is aswarm with lumbering toothy digital mammals. It's all lynxes here, and gophers there, plus big fat venomous webcrawlers, appearing in Pleistocene profusion. This is all well and good, and it's lovely that so many people are paying attention to this. Nothing gives me greater pleasure as a professional garage futurist than to ponder some weird new mutant medium and wonder how this squawking little monster is going to wriggle its way into the interstices between human beings. Still, there's a difference between this pleasurable contemplation of the technological sublime and an actual coherent understanding of the life and death of media. We have no idea in hell what we are doing to ourselves with these new media technologies, and no consistent way even to discuss the subject. Something constructive ought to be done about this situation. I can't do much about it, personally, because I'm booked up to the eyeballs until the end of the millennium. So is my good friend Richard Kadrey, author of the COVERT CULTURE SOURCEBOOK. Both Kadrey and myself, however, recently came to a joint understanding that what we'd really like to see at this cultural conjunction is an entirely new kind of book on media. A media book of the dead. Plenty of wild wired promises are already being made for all the infant media. What we need is a somber, thoughtful, thorough, hype-free, even lugubrious book that honors the dead and resuscitates the spiritual ancestors of today's mediated frenzy. A book to give its readership a deeper, paleontological perspective right in the dizzy midst of the digital revolution. We need a book about the failures of media, the collapses of media, the supercessions of media, the strangulations of media, a book detailing all the freakish and hideous media mistakes that we should know enough now not to repeat, a book about media that have died on the barbed wire of technological advance, media that didn't make it, martyred media, dead media. THE HANDBOOK OF DEAD MEDIA. A naturalist's field guide for the communications paleontologist. Neither Richard Kadrey nor myself are currently in any position to write this proposed handbook. However, we both feel that our culture truly requires this book: this rich, witty, insightful, profusely illustrated, perfectbound, acid-free-paper coffee-table book, which is to be brought out, theoretically, eventually, by some really with-it, cutting-edge early-21st century publisher. The kind of book that will appear in seventeen different sections of your local chainstore: Political Affairs, Postmodern Theory, Computer Science, Popular Mechanics, Design Studies, the coffeetable artbook section, the remainder table -- you know, whatever. It's a rather rare phenomenon for an established medium to die. If media make it past their Golden Vaporware stage, they usually expand wildly in their early days and then shrink back to some protective niche as they are challenged by later and more highly evolved competitors. Radio didn't kill newspapers, TV didn't kill radio or movies, video and cable didn't kill broadcast network TV; they just all jostled around seeking a more perfect app. But some media do, in fact, perish. Such as: the phenakistoscope. The teleharmonium. The Edison wax cylinder. The stereopticon. The Panorama. Early 20th century electric searchlight spectacles. Morton Heilig's early virtual reality. Telefon Hirmondo. The various species of magic lantern. The pneumatic transfer tubes that once riddled the underground of Chicago. Was the Antikythera Device a medium? How about the Big Character Poster Democracy Wall in Peking in the early 80s? Never heard of any of these? Well, that's the problem. Both Kadrey and I happen to be vague aficionados of this field of study, and yet we both suspect that there must be hundreds of dead media, known to few if any. It would take the combined and formidable scholarly talents of, say, Carolyn "When Old Technologies Were New" Marvin and Ricky "Learned Pigs and Fireproof Women" Jay to do this ambitious project genuine justice. Though we haven't asked, we kinda suspect that these two distinguished scholars are even busier than me and Kadrey, who, after all, are just science fiction writers who spend most of our time watching Chinese videos, reading fanzines and making up weird crap. However. We do have one, possibly crucial, advantage. We have Internet access. If we can somehow convince the current digital media community-at-large that DEAD MEDIA is a worthwhile project, we believe that we may be able to compile a useful public-access net archive on this subject. We plan to begin with the DEAD MEDIA World Wide Web Page, on a site to-be-announced. Move on, perhaps, to alt.dead.media. Compile the Dead Media FAQ. We hope to exploit the considerable strengths of today's cutting-edge media to create a general public- domain homage to the media pioneers of the past. Here's the deal. Kadrey and I are going to start pooling our notes. We're gonna make those notes freely available to anybody on the Net. If we can get enough net.parties to express interest and pitch in reports, stories, and documentation about dead media, we're willing to take on the hideous burdens of editing and system administration -- no small deal when it comes to this supposedly "free" information. We both know that authors are supposed to jealously guard really swell ideas like this, but we strongly feel that that just ain't the way to do a project of this sort. A project of this sort is a spiritual quest and an act in the general community interest. Our net heritage belongs to all netkind. If you yourself want to exploit these notes to write the DEAD MEDIA HANDBOOK -- sure, it's our "idea," our "intellectual property," but hey, we're cyberpunks, we write for magazines like BOING BOING, we can't be bothered with that crap in this situation. Write the book. Use our notes and everybody's else's. We won't sue you, we promise. Do it. Knock yourself out. I'll go farther, ladies and gentlemen. To prove the profound commercial potential of this tilt at the windmill, I'll personally offer a CRISP FIFTY-DOLLAR BILL for the first guy, gal, or combination thereof to write and publish THE DEAD MEDIA HANDBOOK. You can even have the title if you want it. Just keep in mind that me and Kadrey (or any combination thereof) reserve the right to do a book of our own on the same topic if you fail to sufficiently scratch our itch. The prospect of "competition" frightens us not at all. It never has, frankly. If there's room for 19,785 "Guide to the Internet" books, there has got to be room for a few useful tomes on dead media. Think of it this way. How long will it be before the much-touted World Wide Web interface is itself a dead medium? And what will become of all those billions of thoughts, words, images and expressions poured onto the Internet? Won't they vanish just like the vile lacquered smoke from a burning pile of junked Victrolas? As a net.person, doesn't this stark realization fill you with a certain deep misgiving, a peculiarly postmodern remorse, an almost Heian Japanese sense of the pathos of lost things? If it doesn't, why doesn't it? It ought to. Speaking of dead media and mono no aware -- what about those little poems that Lady Murasaki used to write and stick inside cleft sticks? To be carried by foot- messager to the bamboo-shrouded estate of some lucky admirer after a night's erotic tryst? That was a medium. That medium was very alive once, a mainstay of one of the most artistically advanced cultures on earth. And isn't it dead? What are we doing today that is the functional equivalent of the cleft sticks of Murasaki Shikibu, the world's first novelist? If we ignore her historical experience, how will we learn from our own? Listen to the following, all you digital hipsters. This is Jaqueline Goddard speaking in January 1995. Jacqueline was born in 1911, and she was one of the 20th century's great icons of bohemian femininity. Man Ray photographed her in Paris in 1930, and if we can manage it without being sued by the Juliet Man Ray Trust, we're gonna put brother Man Ray's knock-you-down-and-stomp-you- gorgeous image of Jacqueline up on our vaporware Website someday. She may be the patron saint of this effort. Jacqueline testifies: "After a day of work, the artists wanted to get away from their studios, and get away from what they were creating. They all met in the cafes to argue about this and that, to discuss their work, politics and philosophy.... We went to the bar of La Coupole. Bob, the barman, was a terrible nice chap... As there was no telephone in those days everybody used him to leave messages. At the Dome we also had a little place behind the door for messages. The telephone was the death of Montparnasse." "The telephone was the death of Montparnasse." Mull that Surrealist testimony over a little while, all you cafe-society modemites. Jacqueline may not grok TCP/IP, but she has been there and done that. I haven't stopped thinking about that remark since I first read it. For whom does the telephone bell toll? It tolls for me and thee -- sooner or later. Can you help us? We wish you would, and think you ought to. Bruce Sterling -- [email protected] Richard Kadrey -- [email protected]  The DEAD MEDIA Project A Modest Proposal and a Public Appeal by Bruce Sterling [email protected]

http://www.deadmedia.org/modest-proposal.html

#dead media #dead media manifesto #bruce sterling #richard kadrey #manifesto