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#‘make it quick’ and he rambles for four paragraphs lmao
rowonlgc · 7 months
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⠀SOLO⠀›⠀WORKSHOP 001⠀›⠀WC: 453
⠀⠀⠀“am i the last one you’re seeing today?” rowon leans back against the seat, comfortable and quite casual. he’d gathered from the other trainees that this is just a progress check, so no need to get worked up. “must be tiring talking to everyone. i’ll make it quick for you.”
⠀›⠀WHAT DO YOU THINK ARE YOUR STRENGTHS?
⠀⠀⠀“mm, maybe ..” he doesn’t answer this quickly, even though he has a pretty solid idea of his strengths. “i would say ACTING, which goes with PERFORMANCE. i think i have decent stage presence because of that. it’s what makes me stand out, especially since i’m not where i should be in terms of vocality.” humility. humbleness. there’s a certain image he has crafted for the coaches; he wants to be confident, not conceited. “i wasn’t born here, so my KOREAN wasn’t as good at first, but i’ve gotten better and more articulate over time. does that count as a strength?”
⠀›⠀WHAT SKILLS WOULD YOU LIKE TO WORK ON?
⠀⠀⠀this, he answers immediately. “DANCING. i’ve got the basics down. i can do the choreography. it’s just a matter of refining it for the stage. MODELING, too. i saw the pictures that came out of the family concert. my angles need some working on. that should be my priority, since people are typically drawn in by visuals first, no?” he considers mentioning singing and rapping - skills that he actually needs to focus on, but instead, he goes with what’s more interesting. “i would also like to work more on my ACTING. there’s always room for improvement.”
⠀›⠀WHAT TYPE OF GIGS ARE YOU INTERESTED IN?
⠀⠀⠀“i can see myself ACTING IN DRAMAS, preferably as the lead, but i’ve got a long way to go before i can land one of those roles.” in truth, he thinks he can do a lot better but without the experience to back it up, it’s just words. “people have told me i’m really convincing, so i could do well in MODELING FOR COMMERCIAL FILMS.”
⠀›⠀WHAT ARE SOME LESSONS YOU’VE LEARNED?
⠀⠀⠀he’s surrounded by passion and desperation. everyone is so focused on their careers, while he caters more to the crowd. but of course, this isn’t what he tells the coach. “i’m flexible,” he says. “i pick up skills fairly quickly, and i’m confident in my ability to shine where i’m needed.” he pauses, tilts his head as if he’s considering what else to relay. after some thought, he leans forward in his seat. “i’m most useful when i’m helping others, whether it’s calming them down, encouraging them, or just being someone they look up to. i think i would do well in a leadership position.”
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Mnmoms AU requests!! Very exciting--hmm would love to see Lark and Mercedes interacting :] Also for a question, what's Mercedes' and Morgan's relationship like in the AU?
OOOGHH THE SILLIES OF ALL TIME. the only mother&child relationship that is positive for the entirety to this au LMAO throughout season 1 arc, at least, though theyre mostly okay post-finale too. lark is a mama's boy <3 (for some reason tumblr just... wont let me upload the full resolution of this image? so heres a screenshot instead, it shouldnt be too different since its just a sketch bdfhjg)
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and ooohhh mercedes and morgan!! good question. their dynamic isnt one that ive put as much thought into yet, buuut- (rambles for four paragraphs anyways)
theyre like. besties to worsties to besties again. good friends, but at each others throats at times. they usually get along pretty well though - as well as morgan gets along with anyone, at least, shes a pretty abrasive person and while mercedes isnt exactly quick to anger, theyre both very emotional people. they rile each other up more than they calm each other down, to say the least!
obviously, they disagree a lot on parenting styles, especially at the start of the soccer trip. morgan is on top of nick at all times, and mercedes's very laidback parenting style makes morgan feel a little crazy (and also a little scorned, because even though morgan spends so much time watching after nick, hes still just as poorly behaved as the twins). mercedes is worse than henry is, even, in this au - shes very much the "fun" parent between the two, and they function must better when theyre together. mercedes has no clue how to discipline a child, but shes also not shy about telling morgan that shes definitely doing it wrong LMAO
i think mercedes would remind morgan a lot of glenn, and at first this would be very very uncomfortable for her. as the story progresses though and as they develop their friendship, this grows into something genuinely comforting to morgan. mercedes helps morgan step back and say "hey. okay. mercedes isnt constantly on high alert for anything bad that could happen, and her kids are... you know, alive, at least!", and it reassures morgan that glenn could have been (and more subconsciously, that pre-widow morgan) a good parent, regardless of his relaxed attitude.
additionally - the omega daddies are not something ive talked about much for this au because It Is Hard To Explain, but ! morgan and bill's relationship is similar in some ways to mercedes and barry's. i think they would be able to comfort each other in regards to that :]
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lizzybeth1986 · 5 years
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Quick Thoughts on TRH Book 1 Chapter 9
• So in some ways this chapter is a refreshing change from the Walker Ranch, for the other...it does seem a little shoehorned-in and last minute to me. And...if the only chapter where Hana gets substantial content is one that sounds kinda last minute - that's usually not a good sign.
• Here is what you can block if you don't want to see this on your dash: #trh quick thoughts, #trh qts, #trh qt reblogs, #long post.
• TW: Discussions on controlling parenting, brief mention of infertility, rambles about my visits to my therapist and what I learned there - also connected to controlling parenting.
• Screenshot Credits:
Hana: The Abhirio YouTube channel and @youruinedmylifebynotbeingreal
Drake: The BizzysChoices YouTube channel
Maxwell: @itsbrindleybinch and @ladatheimpaler
Liam: @callmetippytumbles and me.
• I was happy to see Olivia but could the writers just...not make Hana sound so confused, to make Olivia's route look more appealing? Olivia may be more at home with some of these tactics but if Hana did as much research as her eloquent monologue on the Auvernese Hot Stones suggests she did, she wouldn't just be standing there going "me scared". I know logically Olivia's option needs to be the one having an edge, but there are ways you can work around that better.
• Title: Ladies' Night
Alternative Title: This is How Hana Does Her Research:
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And This is How Isabella Does Her Research:
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• "Just us girls", Isabella says. I'm going to get a headache from the number of times she says that while trying out new torture techniques on me.
• Liam warns the MC that this might be a test, Hana offers to come with the MC, and whoever her LI is, seems reluctant to send her off (though I have yet to see the Maxwell version of this, since in his friend route he seems encouraging of it once Hana steps up to be with us).
• Let's be honest, Hana is coming because she knows that more often than not her advice has been the only thing that had saved our asses. She KNOWS.
• Hana is also the genius who found the loophole in that message.
• DRAKE is the one suggesting Olivia as backup for our trip (I see a pattern here. Drake is the only one who recognized Olivia when she pranked him, now Drake is the first one recommending her name for this trip. What gives?).
• So I've played this chapter both with Olivia's diamond option, and without. Her duchy takes pride in its warriors and in shows of military strength, so she is more than used to their rhetoric. There is also an interesting juxtaposition given between fire (Auvernal) and ice (Lythikos), as one can see in the hot stones scene. The chapter is clearly set up in the expectation that you will buy this scene.
• Hana is fascinated by the architecture and modern glam of the place, but it is Olivia who hints that Auvernal may be facing financial difficulties, wondering what may be "hiding behind the glitter and polish".
• We finally meet Queen Isabella, and for a royal who wants to prove that they can do diplomacy as well as they can do blustering shows of machoism (like her husband), she seems to be failing big time.
• For all the "research" Isabella seems to have been doing on the ladies in the court, all she knows about Hana is that she has a penchant for horseriding, had a failed engagement, and wasn't chosen by Liam.
• What? Practically everyone has seen how well Hana performs at court. In my playthrough, her fighting skills both at the boutique before the wedding, and her role in defeating Anton, have become legendary. She became a Guardian of the Realm. If you're married to the MC she is a freaking duchess and I'm pretty sure the woman who married her would know deep down that Hana deserved that title more. Hana is a freaking fashion icon (as you can tell by what Ana says at her engagement photoshoot and when little Valerie from Lythikos tells her in Chapter 3). Like...like...this stuff is common knowledge. Isabella doesn't HAVE any other excuse besides "I suck so bad at reading up that my term paper would end in a single paragraph and be marked 'F'. Same goes for my pathetic excuse of a research team."
• Also why is Hana the only person getting dragged for not getting chosen? Even Madeleine and Olivia don't face this as much, and one of them was dumped twice by two Princes!
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(Top three screenshots are mine, the second row is from @callmetippytumbles playthrough, and the third is from @youruinedmylifebynotbeingreal Hana playthrough).
The first choice calmly has the MC list Hana's best qualities, while the other two clearly call out Isabella on her clear lack of respect for Hana, who is a guest in her home that she should have researched about properly. The last option not only speaks of her best traits but also of her being the MC's wife (and by extension, a prominent duchess).
• Isabella and her pathetic excuse for an "apology". "I'm sorry, I didn't realize that would be such a sore subject". That's a non-apology, a "sorry you're so thin-skinned" apology. She isn't even admitting she's clearly wrong and hasn't done her homework. She's still saying that Hana is merely all of the things she mentioned - just snidely placing the blame on them for being so sensitive instead. Like...fuck you Isabella.
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I think Olivia should remember that she's lucky Hana "happens to be the forgiving sort" too, because that's how she got away with saying exactly the same thing last book. I like Olivia, but...hypocrisy much?
• LMAO @ Isabella when she says Olivia that she recognizes her because "might recognizes might", and Olivia is like "funny. I don't recognize you". THIS TEA IS SCALDING.
• "There's more to Auvernal than Bradshaw's blustering", she says...after she's left a less-than-favourable impression two minutes into our conversation. Even Theresa Sutton from D&D Book 1 would do this better than you did, and there was literally no filter between her mouth and her brain.
• Isabella presents an over-the-top, flashy silver gown for the MC to wear, stating that wearing a dress from an Auvernese designer, in a modern Auvernese style, would signal to people the beginning of their "alliance" (jumping the gun there a bit, aren't you, Isabella?)
• Gaww at the LI reactions!
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(Screenshots: Drake's from BizzysChoices' Youtube channel, Maxwell's from @ladatheimpaler, and Hana's from Abhirio's YouTube channel)
• Olivia's best moment in the chapter comes when she has to complete the saying "when all you have is a hammer" ("smite them with the hammer!" Olivia offers enthusiastically). They're talking about Bradshaw, who Isabella's telling us would rather strong-arm people into doing his bidding. Babe you're not exactly very different in that respect 🙄
• Isabella lays two major tests to us - one is to have us give her military troops (who greet the guests with a parade) an impromptu rousing speech, and the second is to withstand the punishing heat of the famed Auvernese Hot Stones massage treatment. Of course, she hides her plans behind her "all shared between friends!" demeanor.
• What Olivia does throughout is draw upon her knowledge of warrior mentality, to explain what Isabella has in store for you. This meeting isn't just a message sent to the MC to remind her who she is dealing with - it's a way for Isabella to gauge whether the MC really will count as an ally in terms that they are familiar with. Remember - Auvernal who is perhaps in not as great a financial state as they lead us to believe - perhaps needs Cordonia more than Cordonia needs them - so in their eyes the alliance is falling through anyway, but Isabella is also going to figure out who she is dealing with.
Which is why Olivia - who lives and thrives in a similar type of community - is able to capture the pulse of what Isabella is doing to them.
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(First four screenshots are from a playthrough where I chose Olivia's diamond option, and second from a playthrough where I didn't)
Hana's own mentality differs to a large extent from this. She is competitive, she has the ability to put up a good fight and defeat an opponent (esp one who underestimates her)...but her larger attitude doesn't exactly favour war. In a lot of ways both she and Liam operate on similar mindsets - yes war is necessary, yes when the situation calls for it we can put up a good fight...but at the end of the day both of their belief systems lie in a King Fabian outlook of "safety is important but a society thrives when there is space for art and culture to thrive".
In some of Olivia and Hana's exchanges you can see that Hana is the more artistic and whimsical of the two - which is why her ace move at the end involves both introducing Isabella into an aspect of their own culture, and on wine, which Hana is more than fairly familiar with. Her interests lie elsewhere and so she may not be able to get into their heads and suss out their motives as well as Olivia can, but I'm pretty sure if she's researched so much that she knows about their Hot Stone spa treatment, she would have at least a more generalized knowledge of this than the screenshots suggest.
• We're now at a plaza where Isabella has arranged for the Auvernese military troops to do a parade for the Cordonian guests. It's both a way of convincing the MC to pick them, and it's a veiled threat if she doesn't.
• My failplay of the speech brought up this gem:
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Poor Hana, having to cheer for us even when we fail. She's the real MVP!
• So basically getting the speech right is simple, whatever is rabble-rousing and reminds the troops that the Cordonians also admire strength and valour and bravery, works for them. If you fail in this task, then Isabella takes over and rouses the troops on her own before dismissing them.
• Isabella FINALLY admitting that Hana's a skilled diplomat and does amazing research. LMAO bitch she even knows what your favourite fucking vintage is and all you know about her is her failed engagement? Admit it Izzy, you're a failure.
• The next is the traditional Auvernese Hot Stone spa treatment, which Hana tells us is tied to the geography of this country. There is a fair bit of natural volcanic activity in Auvernal itself (no wonder they're a people that operate in metaphors of heat and fire!) and the hot stones used in this therapeutic massage treatment come out from that. (they're most likely referring to basalt stones, which are used in hot stone therapy in a lot of different cultures. And it's true, the heat and the medicinal nature of heated basalt stones are supposed to relax muscles, help with pain management, stimulate the circulatory system, among other things. In Ayurveda, the treatment is called Shila Abhyanga and is done with circular stones of different sizes).
• There is nothing therapeutic about this trip, though, sadly. Very often this kind of treatment is used at particular spots on the body (most of the time I've seen these stones placed along the length of the back). It's not "grab someone's forearm and burn it with a stone". Isabella's attempt is clearly to expose us to pain and see how much of it we can take.
• Some of the MC's "stronger" responses are 🔥 🔥 🔥 lol, like "I've read Twitter takes hotter than this".
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The MC and Olivia has come far enough in their relationship - either as friends or as people who grudgingly respect each other - that Olivia will stand up for her even when she shows weakness.
• Interestingly, if you do succeed in this "test", the narrative describes Isabella's face as lighting up with a "small smile...and she eyes you as if seeing you in a new light" (the fail option shows her looking smug). Which...given her behaviour in the wine scene, I think requires closer inspection!
• One of my favourite lines this chapter is when Olivia tells Isabella that she can endure hotter stones but chooses not to, because "Lythikos warriors prefer ice in their veins". I can of like the juxtaposition of geographies used in their language - Auvernal seems to have volcanic activity, so heat features more in their language, Lythikos is situated close to the Alps, so snow, ice and winter are their signs of endurance. Basically both communities operate based on the logic that endurance to pain is what heightens your strength. "If you can breathe you can stand, if you can stand you can fight".
• Hana struggles with the hot stones, in a scene that reminds me of Book 1 where she struggled with her first bite of a Cordonian apple. Hana tends to be quite open when she has a strong reaction to something, and is often not able to hide it even if she wants to. Which honestly I find quite refreshing about her.
• Isabella in a fail play can be a real asshole, making snide remarks and then flipping the blame onto the people who react to what she says. When she insults Hana and the MC reacts, she doesn't bother to admit she is wrong - instead flips the blame on them so that it seems more like they're the sensitive ones. If you don't succeed in the hot stones test, and Hana and Olivia respond to her jabs, she tells them "there's no need to get defensive. It's all in good humour, of course", and makes them seem like the thin-skinned ones. Honestly it's that part of her attitude that is a problem, rather than the actual snide remarks. That she will create a negative situation then act like you were the cause.
• Now apparently it's time for petit fours (and I'm a little sore they only describe the vanilla buttercream coz I would have totally loved to see descriptions of those Auvernese sweets in detail!) and casual chatting. Olivia cautions us to figure out what the catch is, and Isabella is mildly impressed by the MC's directness, but she tells us about her intentions (to make the alliance official - including the parts where our child must be promised to one of their twins) either way.
• Isabella eventually softens as the conversations go ahead, confiding in the group that before the twins were born, conceiving was difficult for her. The MC has the opportunity to share a secret of her own (either homesickness, or feeling pressured into becoming a parent, or tiring of the politics and the pretence). Hana - married or otherwise - isn't allowed to say much here, to the surprise of absolutely no one.
• Olivia distracts Isabella at some point with barbed compliments post this confession session, allowing Hana and the MC to plan their next move. Most of this day has gone into Isabella testing us, seeing if we measure up, her games. Hana now gives us an opportunity to turn the tables on her.
• This is where Hana has a clear advantage. Just as warrior communities, battle strategy and defence is Olivia's forte - culture, cuisine and the arts are clearly Hana's. She knows about the Hot Stones on a cultural and geographic level even though the mentality escapes her, she has even read up on Isabella's preference for wine and has observed her closely enough to understand Isabella's competitiveness, and suggest a tactic that could help us gain an edge over her.
• The scene begins with Hana charming Isabella into showing them her wine cellar and suggesting a drinking game. In a callback to the Madeleine drinking game scene in Book 3, Hana mentions Cordonia's Most (which was what they played with Madeleine), but zeroes in on "Two Truths and a Lie instead". Here is what you see from each of the women:
MC:
Two Truths -
Being in love with Liam even when he was engaged to Madeleine/Coming to Cordonia for Liam then falling for her LI.
Second truth is dialogue dependent (never regretted coming to Cordonia/fended off her kidnappers with her own hands/impressed by Isabella (no)
Lie -
Never been blackmailed. Isabella however believes this one is true and loses.
Olivia:
Two truths -
Greatest fear is failure to be perfect
Counted every exit before entering the cellar
Wanted to kill the MC when they first met (Isabella assumed this to be a lie)
Lie -
Came to Auvernal unarmed because she trusts Isabella (she clearly didn't do her research with Olivia either).
Hana:
Two truths -
Greatest fear is failure to be perfect (Isabella assumes this to be the lie).
Always envied the MC
Lie -
Dyed her hair pink as a teen.
Isabella has two rounds of this. This is what the first round is like:
Two truths 1.0 -
Never wanted children
Married Bradshaw for money
Lie 1.0 -
Dismissed a servant for over-steeping her tea (what did you do then, kill him? 😱)
Two Truths and a Lie 2.0
Now, we don't know for sure which one is the lie, since that game is never completed (I suspect it's the one about being born into the royal family?) but we do know now that Bradshaw never actually has seen or done combat firsthand, even though he can strategize and order troops and he's won several medals for "combat". This is the state secret that the scene promises, which will give us an advantage in the future chapters.
• Thoughts I had while reading this scene:
- The one from the MC about fighting her kidnappers is very much a callback to TCaTF. A major development for Kenna's character in Book 1 is to prove she is different from her ancestors - that she will fight alongside her people, not make them fight for her. The turning point of her story in Book 1 is when she tells Gabriel - her guard and guardian - that that instead of depending on him, she will fight the leader of the mercenaries herself.
- Also, LMAO @ Isabella believing our guards defeated Anton for us. Izzy my courtiers and I literally used scissors and shoes and clipboards to defeat assassins in a boutique. Mara and Bastien could never.
- As I mentioned before, the drinking game tradition is a callback to Madeleine's scene. But with less of forcing Hana to butter up to the woman who abused her for our convenience, and more space for her to actually talk.
- I'm going to take notes of those exits, thanks Olivia.
- There is a whole bunch you learn about Isabella here and there are hints that she feels stifled in this environment. Her first choices for the game revolve around truths about her married life: the fact that it was a political alliance and that she never actually wanted children (which adds another layer to the pain she speaks about when speaking of the struggle she had to conceive, because then it comes from a place of immense pressure and probably means that she felt extremely isolated and alone at the time). When Hana talks about how conflicted she is, it's Isabella who offers her ways to release that fury and energy (screaming, breaking glasses). Interestingly, she speaks of these things as what she does when she "feels the walls closing in".
- One thing to notice as well, is Isabella's reaction after she has realized she's spilled out the truth about Bradshaw's military merits. She shrewedly notes what our intentions must have been, and calls us out on them, but there is little to no anger involved in the moment. She only notes that "Cordonia gets more and more interesting", and while the game does not continue, Isabella does seem eerily calm in the aftermath. I don't have any concrete ideas yet what it must all mean, but there are a few ways it could go. She could either be pushing back in her own way against Bradshaw and the Auvernese royalty, or have another card up her sleeve that she knows we don't have a clue about yet.
- Hana gets to elaborate on her 'truths and lies' if the MC asks: she speaks about her envy for the MC emerging from the fact that the MC is confident, bold and questions her self-worth a lot less than Hana has learned to. The other two are tied to the aftermath of the controlling parenting she has grown up with. With the pink hair option, she speaks of her parents as if they are still there, still can control her choices, as if she cannot remove herself from the fear that she will disappoint them even if they are physically away from her.
Hana: Are you kidding? My parents will kill me!
MC: I think you're a little beyond their reach by now.
There's a lot said there in so little.
My favourite, though, is the one on 'perfection'.
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I love the idea of perfection as being something to be frustrated by rather than something to aspire to. Hana speaks of this striving for perfection starting out as something she did to 'earn' Lorelai's love, and how that became something she kept doing over and over until it became her default - leading to the point where she can no longer be imperfect even though she has the opportunity and the support system (even if it's really not that great of a support system). And with a lot of kids who survive that kind of controlling, emotionally abusive parenting - that's normal. I guess I could simply sum it up as: You can take Hana out of Lorelai's home, but it won't be that easy to take Lorelai out of Hana.
I'll come back to this later, because there's some things I'd love to expand on with regards to this.
- Which Olivia opening up is promised if she is around, she doesn't really do that. Most of the stuff she says in this scene is pretty much standard for what she's shown so far. But I'm alright with that, because let's be honest the times when Hana is given even a scrap of space over Olivia, are rare. The writers will be only too happy to give her other opportunities.
- At the end of the scene, you get to address what Hana said earlier, while you are cleaning up the cellar. You either tell her you'd love to see an imperfect Hana (which is the lighter option, where they think of crazy things she can mess up, like burning toast, putting cutlery in reverse order, or playing every note on the piano wrong. Silly stuff. I know it's meant to be a joke...and maybe that's the root to why she doesn't get to actually be imperfect and affected and stuff. Because even in a scene about imperfections, it still feels like the writers won't take her actual conflicts and issues very seriously, and will not leave her the space to actually be a mess about things that would weigh down anyone).
The second option is more serious, and I really like it. The MC speaks about finding it harder to forgive Lorelai for everything Hana has gone through. Hana is still uncomfortable with the idea of resenting her mother, even though she's at the stage where she knows how wrong Lorelai is. She reasons it by speaking about how everything good came from Lorelai the same way everything bad came from the same mother. I'll be getting back to this bit soon as well.
- There is a tiny romantic scene following this if you're married to Hana, mostly kissing.
• Now that our work in Auvernal is over, it's time to get back to the ranch. BECAUSE MAXWELL BEAUMONT IS STRESS-DANCING AND THAT IS NEVER A GOOD SIGN.
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(Screenshots: Drake's from BizzysChoices YouTube channel, Maxwell's from @itsbrindleybinch and Hana's from Abhirio YouTube channel)
- Alright so in Liam and Drake's playthroughs they talk to the MC directly. Maxwell's too, and he is panicking and speaking in capslock. In Hana's, Maxwell is still the one the MC is talking to, since he is the one in charge of this one thing.
- I love how Drake thinks Maxwell "stress dancing" means things must be better now but Liam knows it's a bad sign 😅
- BBBB. Maxwell could've just simplified things for himself and called it B-Quadrupled or B^4 or something. Be like Karan Johar, who saw three Ks and one G in his film title (Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham)...and said "yeah. Let's call this K3G".
• So now I'm guessing the aim for the next chapter is to keep it a secret until the time Bertrand is expected to be at his party. Or something. Idk.
• We're going...from deep conversations and political maneuverings...to this. Okay. Okay 😐
• General Thoughts:
- Okay...so the thing Hana says about perfection and wanting to please her mother. Phew. That dialogue hit me. Pretty hard.
(Please don't take anything I say right here as hard scientific fact, I am merely saying this as a client to a therapist who learned something from her, and am applying something I've learned into this sequence solely because it speaks to me on a personal level)
I've been going to a new therapist this year. A very accomplished hypnotherapist, fantastic in her field. We've been doing a mixture of talk therapy and hypnotherapy because I have a LOT of issues and they're all tangled together and it's all a big mess at this point.
One of the things we talked about was how centered my entire concept of "worth" was around smartness. Intelligence. Intelligence the way my parents perceived it, the way I saw it in school. At some point I said something...something related to smartness and worth and how you couldn't be anything if you weren't smart idk...and she stopped. Stopped and said, "that sounds like a parent tape" (wish I remembered what my exact words were).
Now, this conversation happened around a month ago, and I'm no professional in this field, so I'm paraphrasing what she explained, but she did talk about how some things get embedded in your subconscious as "tapes" or "files", and how at some points they become essential beliefs. It could be a simple moment that was nonetheless important to the child, that crystallized into a life truth for them, even into adulthood. And that would go for things that you picked up or learned from your parents as well. Learned behaviours and mindsets...that you grow up to believe as fact - and to remove yourself from them would be to remove yourself from everything you have ever believed to be true. It would be a destruction of a belief system, and building yourself back from out of that rubble would be scary.
- I wound up seeing Hana's inability to turn off "Perfect Hana" through that lens. I feel like she grew up with that "parent tape": I must be perfect to be considered worthy. I must be perfect to be loved. The only way I can gain my mother's love is by being her perfect daughter. And part of why she can't switch it off is because it became an entire belief system, the foundation on which her parents build this personality she has. If that is destroyed, the Parent Tape must be saying, then what will be left of her?
- This may explain why she continues to explain, justify, make excuses for Lorelai. Lorelai is a HUGE part of her life. Was a HUGE influence on who she was and what she became. Even when she is going in a direction completely opposite to what Lorelai initially intended, Hana does it by overcompensating, by stressing over whether she is being controlling merely for planning the perfect wedding, by worrying about what kind of parent she will be to her own child. While she acknowledges freely that her mother was wrong and pushes back when she is able to, she is not really at the stage where she can fully accept the sheer levels of damage Lorelai (and by enabling and encouraging this type of parenting, Xinghai) has wrecked on her self.
- In a lot of ways, Hana is still that child. The one who craved her mother's love. The one who grew up constantly questioning her own worth. And learning to validate that child and give her a peaceful ending is going to be a long, arduous, painful process.
- You can bet I have been thinking about this more than Hana's own writers have. By now I just know it.
- There was a part of me that CHEERED when I saw the MC (finally!) stand up for Hana. There's a part of me that...honestly...just shrugged and said "too little too late".
- I'm tired at this point. Really, really sick and tired of how people in the books are allowed to underestimate Hana and talk shit about her, and how little space the narrative gives to letting her either push back against that, or to allowing us to stand up for her. This chapter is one of the rare times that happened without the focus being on how wonderful the MC is. And I mean very rare.
- Married to Hana or not, the MC is the woman who let Madeleine get away with her bullying. Who didn't bother to look out for Hana, and continuously used her. Who didn't bother to find out how Hana was in NY after Hana had fought with her own father and left his house for her. Who (optionally) allowed Olivia to get away with talking shit about her, and who didn't ask Hana if she was comfortable before including her in a conversation with her bully. Who (optionally) can cry about not getting pregnant soon enough (today of course, that role was filled up by Isabella)
- Also isn't it ironic how Isabella, the same woman who speaks about not being perfect and allowing yourself the space to let out your emotions...is the same woman who chooses to talk ONLY about Hana's failures? Who sounds A LOT like Hana's own mother? So while those words about imperfection are true, the person speaking them is a truckload of trash.
- When it comes to a foreigner insulting Hana, then somehow it becomes magically appropriate for the MC and Olivia to pretend to be offended. But at home? In their own court? Hana rarely gets that kind of support. And she rarely gets the chance to push back either. An Olivia can call her a failure and claim "Hana hasn't so much as touched the ladder while I'm at the very top", and all Hana is allowed to do is glower in fury and then it's conveniently forgotten. By the MC.
Like sure it's nice that the MC gets to treat Hana with respect this time around, and pay her some attention. But where was this protectiveness when Hana needed it the most?
I'd have liked a moment like this earlier, or if the narrative actually was fair in terms of their treatment of Hana. But her issues, her feelings, her pain, has always been on the backseat. I'm not going to be grateful for scraps like these.
- That's the other thing. This chapter...feels a little last-minute. Not only is the gown in this chapter a very, very recent one (an anon pointed out it was added only a week or two ago), the chapter itself is all over the place. Isabella claims to want to show the group that there is more to Auvernal than Bradshaw's blustering...but in essence what she's showing us is pretty much the same thing. She is still issuing us veiled threats, and strong-arming us into becoming allies. Her tactics are still scare tactics and they are not as subtle as she or the writers believe they are.
- Even in this chapter where another person is allowed to feel pain over her years of not conceiving, Hana is hardly given space. Think about that for a second.
To me...if this chapter was a recent addition - that means the only chapter where Hana actually gets a tiny amount of space to herself...is a last minute choice. And that's not a good thing. In fact it reminds me of Book 2, where Hana was given an AWFUL scene in Chapter 8 (the fashion show scene, which focused more on Penelope than on Hana) and no appearances in the chapter after, and then given two good scenes (patisserie scene and library scene). Those two good scenes...came before they virtually ignored Hana and her background to focus on literally anyone else (after which Hana was not even seen in NY). Just because Hana gets a decent scene (a scene that isn't even hers, actually, a lot of it is about Isabella) once in 9 (NINE) chapters, doesn't mean that she's going to get good development from now on. For all you know this could be a carrot conveniently dangled to keep people satisfied for another 5-6 chapters of the same ol' focus on the male LIs instead.
- Wonder what Olivia is upto and what Liam might know.
- Also wonder why we didn't get a lot of info on Eleanor in her own home.
- Also for a country that is the maternal home of Cordonia's king, there's precious little shown about their interactions with him. In fact there's very little space Liam gets to actually operate as a King - either in this series or the previous one.
- This week, I will not be doing my usual QT for Book 1. There's an essay I've been itching to do, about Kiara and Penelope, and I'm going to devote my weekend to diving into that! Would anyone like to be tagged??
- Anyway! Until the next chapter, guys.
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