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sulietsexual · 6 years

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Hey! I read that you find Friends relatable now that you're older. How is the show relatable to you? Is it specific to your generation or to people your age? Because I don't think any of the friends' lives are relatable. In particular, the fact that they're always in relationships, or hooking with random people they meet wherever, is extremely weird to me. And let's not speak of how most of them have great jobs and no college degree or higher schooling... Anyway, I'd love to read your thoughts!

Okay, so I just want address a couple of your points before I get into how/why I find the series relatable. So, first of all this part:

“In particular, the fact that they’re always in relationships, or hooking with random people they meet wherever, is extremely weird to me.”

First of all, I don’t think that the characters on Friends date or hook up or have relationships any more than characters on any other television series out there. So many shows have their characters dating lots, sustaining long-term relationship etc. Also, I think that while, yes, all the characters did have relationships and hook ups, it wasn’t as constant or as prevalent as your statement implies. Let’s look at the characters individually.

Joey - probably the most sexually active of the group but this is also a big part of his character (similarly to, say, Barney Stinson). Joey does frequently hook up with women because he’s not interested in a long-term relationship, he just enjoys the brief, no-strings-attached intimacy of one-night stands but I don’t find his promiscuity to be unbelievable, especially since it’s an organic part of his characterisation. I also don’t recall him ever hooking up with a random person?

Chandler - Chandler spends most of Seasons 1 and 2 either single or with Janice. If I recall correctly, he only briefly dates a couple of women other than Janice in those seasons. He spends half of Season 3 with Janice and the other half single. In Season 4 he briefly dates Kathy and then at the end of the season he hooks up with Monica and, as we know, the rest is history and he spends the rest of the series in a committed relationship. Again, I don’t really see this as unrealistic? Chandler has two serious relationships and a third which never really gets off the ground and he casually dates a few women, and this is within the time span of about four or five years. That seems pretty normal to me, especially within the landscape of 90s television, which often portrayed young adults dating around.

Ross - Ross actually dates quite a lot, we see him with many casual love interests, however, as with Joey, I feel like this suits his character. Ross is actually a serial monogamist, he’s hopelessly in love with love and so I find it really in-character that he would date lots in order to find his ideal partner. Again, this is very keeping with 90s culture of dating around. And, of course, Ross has three long-term/serious relationships (Carol, Rachel and Emily) and this is over a ten year time-span, which again, doesn’t seem like a huge amount of romantic developments.

Rachel - Rachel probably dates the least of the characters. She leaves Barry, who is implied to be her only long-term relationship, at the beginning of Season 1 and then has her “fling” with Paolo, which was more about her exploring an exciting and sexual relationship which she hadn’t experienced before. She then spends Seasons 2 and 3 pining after and then involved with Ross, only briefly dating Mark post-Ross. In Season 4 she has her crush on Joshua, which doesn’t go anywhere. Her only other “serious” relationship is with Tagg in Season 7 and other than that, she doesn’t really date that often.

Monica - single for most of Season 1 with only a couple of casual dating relationships, Monica spends most of Season 2 with Richard and then the majority of Season 3 single, until her short relationship with Pete. She’s single for all of Season 4 until she hooks up with Chandler, and then she’s in a committed relationship with him until the end of the series.

Phoebe - Phoebe dates a lot but again, I don’t necessarily find that unrealistic? Like Joey, she doesn’t seem to want or need a long-term partner (until she meets Mike) and she’s happy to just casually date around. At the risk of sounding repetitive, this once again (to me) ties in nicely with 90s dating culture and I think it suits her character. However, I do find her relationship with Mike rushed and it did very much feel like she was shoe-horned into the relationship by writers who seemed afraid of having a female character end the show single. That being said, I do find her and Mike sweet.

So yeah, I’m not sure if it’s a personal thing or a generational thing but I never felt that the romantic relationships and dating habits of the characters felt unrealistic. If anything, I think each of the character’s dating habits and relationship organically tie into their characterisation.

Now, the next part I want to address:

“And let’s not speak of how most of them have great jobs and no college degree or higher schooling…”

This isn’t completely accurate.

Ross and Chandler both attended college (this is how they met, they were college roommates) and Ross has a PhD, so he definitely completed higher education. While it’s not wholly realistic that Ross would have a PhD and a high-paying job at the Museum of Natural Science at the age of twenty-seven (his age in the first season) it not entirely inconceivable, especially in the early 90s when a college degree actually did guarantee one a job and the job market was much better than it is these days.

Chandler completes college and then works in the same job for several years before receiving a promotion, which does come with an adequate pay rise, but again, he had to slog it out in a cubicle for at least four or five years before receiving said promotion, which he did so at about age twenty-seven, which seems pretty realistic, especially for the 90s. He then works at this job for the next several years, making solid money, before quitting to pursue a job which he’s passionate about. He completes an internship at an ad company and is then offered a more senior position due to his age and experience. I think this is all pretty realistic.

Rachel at least started college (she mentions in a Thanksgiving flashback that she’s taking psychology because the parking’s closer to the building) and she ends up having to work as a waitress for several years because of her lack of job experience, not exactly a great or high-paying job. Her lucking into the job at Bloomingdale’s is a little unrealistic, but she does start at a lower-level position (an assistant) before being moved to personal shopping, which she mentions is a step down for her. She interviews for and obtains the Ralph Lauren position based off her previous experience at Bloomingdale’s and is promoted after being there for a couple of years, again, a fairly realistic trajectory for her. I think Rachel’s work situation is perhaps the least realistic, given that a lot of it rests on luck, but I don’t think it’s completely unbelievable.

We have to assume that Monica went to culinary school, given that she’s a professional chef. It’s not unrealistic or unbelievable that she would be working as a Sous Chef at the age of twenty-six, especially in the 90s. She then loses her job and is forced to work at the demeaning and low-paying diner for over a year, before finally being given the chance to run her own kitchen, where she stays for several years, before being head hunted into a better-paying job when she’s in her early 30s, a realistic move for her, given her experience.

Joey and Phoebe are the only two who are explicitly stated to not have completed college (and in Phoebe’s case high school) but neither initially have particularly demanding or high-paying jobs. Phoebe works as a masseuse, for which she would have needed to complete a certificate or diploma in massage therapy, which she easily could have done in her early twenties. She appears to make enough to live on and doesn’t seem to want a different or higher-paying job and it is mentioned that she doesn’t make as much money as some of the others. And Joey spends so much time on the show unemployed or working odd-jobs in-between auditions, only really starting to get good/steady work towards the end of the series, so I think his career is pretty realistic and an accurate portrayal of how sometimes breaking into an acting career is about right place, right time.

Wow, that got long. Let’s get back to your actual question, of how/why I find Friends relatable.

It’s more little things that I found relatable as I got older. Things such as wanting to work a job I was passionate about (Chandler’s dilemma in Season 1 and again in Season 9), not having a plan for my life (Rachel in Season 1), going against my parents wishes for my career (Joey), having overly-critical parents (Monica) etc. Even smaller things, such as using sarcasm to cover childhood trauma (Chandler) or Monica’s OCD or Rachel always crying. These things made the characters real and relatable to me, even if the world they live in isn’t always completely realistic (their apartments, for example. Even in the 90s Monica wouldn’t have been able to afford that apartment, even with rent control!)

#we pay for everything #answered #f.r.i.e.n.d.s.

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