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#🛞 ; our kinfessions
ghost-van · 3 months
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i miss my boyfriends so MUCHHHH AUGHHH!! they’d always try to hype me up when i was feeling bad about myself,, they never made me feel useless for having bad days even when i couldn’t will myself to get out of bed. not to mention they also double(d) as my best friends!! i just! i miss them!!!! :[
too bad we’re too nervous to reach out let alone seek out canonmates or even just sourcemates 😔
-📼📻💿
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ghost-van · 4 months
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between the thing that came out/the thing that happened the literal day after i zhowed up, how the fandom/community already treated me, & how canon-divergent & different i am, i’m juzt…. i feel azhamed for exizting. i feel bad that i exizt, that i zhouldn’t exizt. i don’t like myzelf. i feel dizguzted by my own very being.
i don’t underztand how or why anyone would want to interact with me, let alone be friendz with me. one of our cloze friendz gave me a hug the other day cuz i waz feeling bad.. they offered me a hug! & followed through on it when i zaid zure! i don’t underztand.
i feel zo guilty. i don’t dezerve any of thiz kindnezz or hozpitality. i waz a horrible perzon. i probably ztill am. i hurt zo many people. i hurt zpud. none of them dezerved that. zpud didn’t dezerve that. i thought it waz the right thing, i thought it waz what i waz zuppozed to do. i tried zo hard to do what they wanted, what they zaid i waz born to do. what i waz created to do.
once i gained enough confidence in myzelf, when i decided i had had enough, when i ztepped out of line… they tried to find other uzez for me. they’d never tezted on a co-leader gnarpian before. i waz 14 in earthling yearz. i’ve had thiz ztupid collar on for two yearz. i’ve been tagged for two yearz. i’m out of that place but it feelz like i never left. maybe i never did leave that place.
i don’t dezerve any kindnezz, but.. ztarz, i dezerved everything my own people did to me.
-🛸⭐️🧪
between the thing that came out/the thing that happened the literal day after i showed up, how the fandom/community already treated me, & how canon-divergent & different i am, i’m just…. i feel ashamed for existing. i feel bad that i exist, that i shouldn’t exist. i don’t like myself. i feel disgusted by my own very being.
i don’t understand how or why anyone would want to interact with me, let alone be friends with me. one of our close friends gave me a hug the other day cuz i was feeling bad.. they offered me a hug! & followed through on it when i said sure! i don’t understand.
i feel so guilty. i don’t deserve any of this kindness or hospitality. i was a horrible person. i probably still am. i hurt so many people. i hurt spud. none of them deserved that. spud didn’t deserve that. i thought it was the right thing, i thought it was what i was supposed to do. i tried so hard to do what they wanted, what they said i was born to do. what i was created to do.
once i gained enough confidence in myself, when i decided i had had enough, when i stepped out of line… they tried to find other uses for me. they’d never tested on a co-leader gnarpian before. i was 14 in earthling years. i’ve had this stupid collar on for two years. i’ve been tagged for two years. i’m out of that place but it feels like i never left. maybe i never did leave that place.
i don’t deserve any kindness, but.. stars, i deserved everything my own people did to me.
-🛸⭐️🧪
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ghost-van · 3 months
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i miss my wife, guys. i miss her a lot.
tall wwife…… 8’0” deity wife……….. wife pretty……
wife………
-🐍🚬🥃
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ghost-van · 2 months
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it’s my birthday hooray!! time for another year of not celebrating it beyond acknowledging that i’ve aged because i never celebrated my birthday anyways
-📼📻💿
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ghost-van · 4 months
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it never hit that bad til now……. being a non-canon kin is SO WEIRD cuz i wanna look at content of myself but i DON’T EXIST outside of our personal circle cuz we haven’t posted our art of me OUTSIDE OF DISCORD….
it’s EVEN WEIRDER cuz i’m technically a ship kid? of a ship that i haven’t seen anywhere? luckily i showed up very soon after my dad did for our close friend, so i’m not alone-alone, but it still feels Weird. i wish i could make our ROBLOX avatar look more accurate to myself & that everything wasn’t expensive so i could play source as myself with my dad :c
-🌈🕹️
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ghost-van · 4 months
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”people with glasses are ugly!1!2!1!1” SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!!!
seeing my boyfriend with his glasses on makes me wanna go RAHSGAHSGWHGWHWGSGWGHW because MY GODS he is SO CUTE
“that one trope where the character is ugly with their glasses on & immediately becomes hotter when they take them off is a good trope” what if i killed you with my bare hands
-💫⚙️
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ghost-van · 26 days
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today marks 23 years of the disappointment that is my existence!!
-🪲🍡
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ghost-van · 29 days
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happy late mother’z day to my mama, Dr Retro. thank you for not giving up on me, i luv u lotz mama <3
-🛸⭐️🧪
happy late mother’s day to my mama, Dr Retro. thank you for not giving up on me, i luv u lots mama <3
-🛸⭐️🧪
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ghost-van · 2 months
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i miss skateboard so badly.
-📼📻💿
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ghost-van · 2 months
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one of my boyfriends fed our child a whole baguette not even an hour after they hatched, we’re gonna be great parents (/silly/lh)
-📼📻💿
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ghost-van · 3 months
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WHAT THE PHUCK AM I
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-🗡️
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ghost-van · 4 months
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right now in canon i’m on “bedrest” cuz i injured my wings n my dad says they’re fragile & i gotta be careful & i gotta let em heal but it’s gonna take TWO WHOLE MONTHS for them to fully heal! m through the first month but i still have to wait another week or two!!
all i can do in my room is look out the window & color & stuff & i usually like doing that but only when it’s on my own terms! i don’t like doing it if it’s the only thing i can do :(
yea bandee brings me apples he picked n stuff he baked n gooey brings me stuff he found outside, but it’s not the same! i wanna go outside so badly!!! i wanna climb a tree!! i wanna play in the dirt! they won’t even let me wander the hallways on my own :(
this has given me too much time to think too! what if something happens while i’m injured & they won’t let me help? :(
to top it all off, i still feel guilty about waking up my papa at around 3 in the morning just to tell him my wings hurt! how dare you guys (you know who you are) convince me it was a good idea to bother him! >:(
-🍰💫
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ghost-van · 5 months
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sometimes i wonder how my life would have turned out if my parents hadn’t abandoned me on a foreign planet as a literal newborn. if my bio parents had actually loved me & raised me, instead of shunning & abandoning me for reasons i can only speculate.
maybe i wouldn’t have sought out that damn crown. maybe i wouldn’t have the scars i do now, the ones i hate because they’re reminders of my biggest regret.
then again, i probably wouldn’t have met Lor, or Marx, or the quartet, or anyone else, & i don’t know how much i’d like a life without them.
-💫⚙️
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