#(the latter is the “fate's puppet; thrown at ever-increasing horrors until one finally kills him [and maybe he'll even welcome that]” type)

[invinciblerodent]

himh I'll make a Dark Urge that's so fucking scared

big scary bloodsoaked killer, tearing through armies with her literal bare hands? nah. a quiet, scared girl who doesn't understand why she does what she does, why she can do what she can, but is, at the same time, deeply disgusted by herself because she has just enough self-awareness to know to be repulsed.

maybe it's because I'm a tiny bit obsessed with clinging to the thought that people, at the end of the day, are fundamentally good, no matter what. that there is a fundamental human goodness in all people that makes them worthy of redemption, or at least of the opportunity for atonement.

maybe the way I want to play a story like that is with someone who, stripped from indoctrination and free for the first time to think for herself and embrace and be who she is, finds that in the deepest, most hidden pits of her soul, she is not the strong, kind, resilient person she might want to be. try as the might, she is not someone who can bear the weight of her own past, she's just a... a terrified, broken little girl, cowering in the shadows and unable to look herself in the eye. (which also gives me ideas for her relationship with Orin but that's a little bit beside the point)

cathartic self-insert who. therapy? what is that. is it on Steam or Epic.

#video games are cheaper than therapy i know from experience #squirrel plays bg3 #oc: mara #watching my partner play his durge last night i had Thoughts #so far i'm thinking that this intense fear will be what initially draws my girl to Karlach #because karlach is so.... bright. and exuberant. and even chivalrous in her way #she's so LOUDLY good that her presence is louder than even the fear and... there is something really sweet about that #it'll be a bit of a change of pace for me to REALLY lean into playing a character who... isn't a protector in any way #someone who doesn't put their feelings last #not even out of pure obligation or self-preservation #but rather they are someone who NEEDS comfort and protection #and at the same time IS the danger itself yknow #(my default boys Arvid and Ray are sort of different flavors of a “kinght” archetype) #(the former is the “courage is overcoming fear”-type) #(the latter is the “fate's puppet; thrown at ever-increasing horrors until one finally kills him [and maybe he'll even welcome that]” type) #(Iona may be the most emotionally intelligent but she is in survival mode for a long time which complicates things) #(Petyr is selfish and kinda.... phlegmatic; performatively indifferent until he's yanked from it) #(but Mara will be... feeling ALL of her feelings. and I think Karlach will make her feel the closest to what she can think of as “normal”) #(there's perpetrator guilt. and shame. and fear. disgust at her own urges. intrusive thoughts and bodily reactions that disturb her.) #(i think she'll be pretty fascinating to play) #(holy tag novel dang)