#(who straight up saw this from watching mod axel in the inbox and was like 'oh i'm taking this')

[aro-culture-is]

Hope it's okay to ask this here, sorry if not

I have a qpp, we are long distance so don't see each other often. Now they were able to visit me some time ago and all the time leading up to it I was excited about that.

But when they actually got here my brain sudfenly switched to avoidance. We've seen each other once again since then and it's been the same, when I see them in real life I just do not want to interact with them. Haven't really interacted on the internet as much since then butvwhen we did it's fine for my brain.

It's just really confusing to me because it happened so suddenly and I've never heard about something like this before. I always thought if you don't feel an attraction to someone anymore it happens more slowly? So yeah, any ideas about that?

Honestly, this is a pretty difficult question to answer. Outside of the attraction and aromanticism warehouse, I'd actually like to point to the psychological aspects of this.

It's pretty common to be excited about something, and then get spontaneously anxious the day of. They're pretty related, even! And while I don't specifically know you, I know I have an anxious-avoidant attachment style, and I struggle a lot with my personal connections with others. I want to have people around me, I crave affection and care and all that comes with that - and I'm so terrified of it I regularly self-sabotage to avoid the possibility that I may receive that affection. I'm terrified of accepting it. I'll plan for weeks for a fun outing, and then the day comes and I want to vanish into the aether, tell them nothing, and live out a life of exile.

And I don't feel in that moment that I'm necessarily afraid of their affection. I subconsciously blame anything and everything else. I'll wonder if I'm sick (ignoring that I haven't taken my meds yet, and I always wake up a little unwell). I'll feel like there's some weird tension between my friends and I (and ignore that there's no concrete evidence, not ask them or allow that person the agency to speak their side, assume the worst of my closest friends). Etc, etc.

I'm not going to arm-chair diagnose you from my apartment at 4 in the morning. but i do want to provide the thought that while this could be about attraction, it could also be something to talk to a therapist about, talk to your qpr about, and consider through the perspective of your personal history with affection, interpersonal relationships, and if you've recently had negative experiences with those.

i hope this helps!

#Anonymous #not aro culture #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod kee #(who straight up saw this from watching mod axel in the inbox and was like 'oh i'm taking this') #advice #qpr #also i'm not a psychology person necessarily - talk with professionals if you can #i'm really just applying things i know about myself through therapy here #and i'd 100% be lying if i said i can help you to move through or past this because uhhhhhh #i haven't gotten there lol. i am painfully avoidant to a fault. #turns out longstanding emotional abuse can fuck a person up and unfortunately the skills i needed to survive that environment #are very much not conducive to healthy relationships and coping as an adult #who'd've thunk