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greybackpack · 8 months

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I’m still thinking about Tilda and her relations to my version of Elisabet. Like, you don’t get a lot about how Lis felt other than disappointment and anger about Tilda’s possible involvement in stealing a copy of GAIA. I mean she said she didn’t… but she’s also a spy. And like that voice explaining Zero Dawn in the old Zenith base of operations sounded like a modulated version of Tilda’s voice- the way it pauses and drawls out the vowels is the same, I think. Just deeper? Modulated, perhaps?

Like there’s no way Lis actually believed she didn’t. She knows better than anyone what how cunning Tilda is and how intelligent and savvy she is with manipulating people. It makes her a great spy, but perhaps not a great person. And she’s had time to cook.

Like, how did they break up? Why? Was it amicable?

Tilda spent a thousand years regretting it and regretting that she left Lis behind… but what did Lis feel? Does she still hold some affection for Tilda? When she realizes Tilda’s fucked up (BETA, I’M STILL PISSED ABOUT HOW BADLY THE ZENITHS FUCKED BETA UP) and the extent of the damage, what would happen?

Did she also regret it? Did she think that Tilda helped with the betrayal? Anyways, here’s a possible snippet for the far (heh) future of the fic:

Elisabet stood there, facing her past in a way she hadn’t thought possible. Hadn’t thought will ever be possible again.

She had thought this chapter- this relationship- of her life was closed. When Aloy had recounted her experience in the facility, Elisabet hadn’t truly thought about the implications outside the mind numbing fact that she has another clone-daughter. But then she had met Beta, and it was okay, better than okay, that she had another daughter.

And then there’s this. This- her- there she is, floating in the air and looking as stunned as Lis herself feels. Tilda van de Meer.

“Elisabet?”

God, even the sound of her voice back bittersweet memories. All of those coffee dates and the art galleries and science expos… and the moment Tilda broke her heart. Elisabet swallows, remembering the way Tilda had looked her in the eyes and told her that it couldn’t work out- that it won’t ever work- because of the nature of Tilda’s job. The lie in her eyes and that tremor in her steady hands, Elisabet saw them.

“How is this possible?” Tilda whispers, white clad and shimmery arms armored with the Far Zenith shields reaching out to Elisabet. She stops halfway, as if she’s afraid that Elisabet will disappear the moment Tilda touches her.

“Cryo.” Elisabet says, still staring at Tilda. For the Old One, if she can even claim that title anymore, it has only been two, three years, since they broke things off. Lis hadn’t had time to grieve that relationship properly, having avoided the grief by throwing herself into work and fending off Ted’s lawsuits. Then, the Faro Plague happened… and she barely had time to grieve what she thought was Tilda’s death when it was reported that the ship had blown up on the way to Sirius.

Why are all of her exes so damn beautiful?

The Voice croons in restrained amusement, presence warming Elisabet’s back as the Old One straightens and draws herself up for a long over due conversation.

“That’s- That’s wonderful. I-” Tilda hesitantly, reverently, took Lis’ hands in hers. Elisabet let her, knowing she shouldn’t but all the same wanting the familiar touch. “Elisabet, I spent- I spent the last thousand years regretting how we ended. I regretted leaving you here to die with the rest of them and how we left things back then. But now… now, I get to have a second chance.”

Elisabet wants- she-

Elisabet rips her hands out of Tilda’s grasp.

“I don’t want to hear it. I- I thought you died.”

“The… the transmission.” Tilda’s voice gains a modicum of hope. “That wasn’t my idea, but they had thought it necessary. I thought you died, too. You should have come with us, then, then you wouldn’t have had to be frozen for a millennia.”

“That’s rich, coming from you. What was it, Tilda? The thing that you said when we broke things off? Oh, right, that “the nature of my work will make this difficult.” Well, the nature of my work made it difficult.” Her tone is bitter, twisted in hurt and heartbreak. It makes Tilda flinch.

A part of Elisabet, that unkind part she finds in herself in her darkest moments, purrs in satisfaction.

“Lis, you know that I hadn’t meant it like that-”

“No?” Elisabet shoots back, mouth pulling down. Aloy inches away from the two, the rest of the group watching the exchange like a riveting match of machine strike. Sylens rolls his eyes and wanders off into the lab. Elisabet sees all of this, but it doesn’t matter to her. All she saw was the woman that had broken her heart over and over again. “Even if it wasn’t what you meant, you still chose to leave, Tilda. To preserve yourself, if nothing else. You were scared, of how serious we were getting.”

Tilda laces her unfairly elegant fingers together, voice quiet as she agrees. “Yes… I suppose I was.”

“Didn’t you think, for one second, that I was afraid too?”

“… No. I hadn’t thought of that.”

“You betrayed me. You tried to steal GAIA. You lied to me about it. I saw the recording of the reception at the Far Zenith headquarters. I know what your voice sounds like, even if it was modulated.”

The words spill out, faster and more hurt than Aloy had ever heard.

“Lis-” Tilda floats closer, but Elisabet takes a step back. “I- won’t do it this time. I know… I know I disappointed you. I know I broke your heart.”

The Zenith swallows as Elisabet’s heavy gaze landed once more on her face, hurt and disappointment hitting Tilda like a hammer on cold metal. Elisabet’s quiet voice slides in between her ribs, stabbing at Tilda’s slow beating heart and splintering it.

“You chose yourself. Above the world… above me.”

“Please, Elisabet, allow me another chance.”

Elisabet laughs a short, mirthless exhale.

“Even now, you still haven’t even thought to apologize.”

“I’m sorry.” Tilda immediately says. “What can I do? What can I do to apologize? To make it up to you? Anything, Lis. Name it, and it’s yours.”

Elisabet grits her teeth, Tilda’s words reminding her unpleasantly of Ted. But if her relationship with Tilda had taught her anything, it’s that she can use this. Elisabet hates herself for thinking it, but her worry for Beta overrides any moral obligations she might have had.

“Get my daughter back,” she says. “And I’ll think about it.”

“Okay. Alright. Just- I will.”

Elisabet stares at Tilda, at the determined, desperate set of her old flame’s shoulders.

Because she’s not hurt enough, because Lis had hurt more, Elisabet couldn’t help but throw her words into Tilda’s face.

“If the Odyssey actually blew up, I think you would have been worth the tears I shed.”

With that, Elisabet hardens her heart once more and turns away. She doesn’t see the devastation that crosses Tilda’s face, nor does she see the way it crumples from the normally impassive face Tilda sports.

—-

Aloy leans against the table, watching Elisabet absently sifting through data.

“You alright?”

Even though Aloy gentled her voice, Elisabet still startles like a rabbit.

“Ah. Sorry you had to see that, kiddo.” Her mother sends a rueful smile her way. Aloy shrugs, all but silently shaking Elisabet and asking if she’s okay with her eyes alone.

“I’m okay.” Elisabet smiles again, a little more genuine this time. “I’m just worried.”

“About Beta and GAIA?” Aloy asks, nodding. “Don’t worry, I’ll get them back.”

“And about you too, silly.” Elisabet rounds the table and pulls Aloy into a hug.

“Make sure you come back,” she orders her daughter, chin resting on Aloy’s armored shoulders. Not the best for hugs, but Elisabet could give less of a fuck right now. “I want both of you to come back safe and sound, understand?”

“Yeah.” Aloy hugs her back. Elisabet squeezes her daughter tighter, and lets go. “I’ll be okay.”

“You’d better be. If you scare me like that ever again,” - the image of Aloy, pale and injured after the explosion flashes through Lis’ head. “Just- don’t, okay, sweetie?”

“Yeah. Sorry.” Aloy guiltily apologizes, remembering the exhausted state Elisabet was in, looking after her with little sleep. The drawn face coupled with the dark smudges underneath her mother’s eyes had Aloy making sure she was a little more careful on the field.

Elisabet presses a kiss on her forehead, patting the Nora huntress on the shoulder.

“And be careful around Tilda. She’s still- she’s good, at fooling people into thinking she’s on their side.”

“Speaking from experience, mom?”

“Yes,” she sighs, smiling at Aloy’s blatant curiosity. “I’ll tell you later. But, if we’re being honest, I think you have a better eye for figuring out those kinds of deception than I ever was.”

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melusine0811 · 4 months

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The Space Between the Stars- ch 24 excerpt

"Aloy remembers that sacred and harrowing day of the storm, back on their island where they had retreated underneath the network of highways. She can clearly see the absolute terror on Seyka’s face as she’d mitigated an intense flashback to the typhoon her people went through, and Seyka herself who felt responsible for not saving enough people. For nearly losing her sister.

Aloy turns towards her, knees now facing each other cross-legged, still leaning on the Sunwing, and she takes her hands in her own, looking into Seyka’s red-rimmed midnight eyes, and she feels such intense remorse that it’s making her feel physically ill.

She knows she will probably feel worse when she sets things right with Beta, but right now it’s Seyka who is the priority.

Hurting the two people she loves the most in the world at the same time…that ’s like an art form. It has her name written all over it in blood and ash, burning a trail of pain and death everywhere she goes.

Destruction.

Her voice wobbles and her hands continue to shake as they grip Seyka’s, and she chokes out the words.

“Seyka, I’m sorry…I should have realized that this would trigger…”

Seyka suddenly shifts and scoots closer, slinging her legs around Aloy’s waist and she places her fingertips on Aloy’s chin, tilting her up so that she’s looking into her soul…into those rings of green fractals that reach infinitely to the heavens.

Seyka draws her in and whispers against her mouth, her hot breath warming Aloy’s lips, “Shh…don’t want to talk about it anymore. Doesn’t matter now…”

And she kisses her gently. The Sunwing squawks and shifts against them, moving its wing so that it is better supporting them leaning on it.

For Aloy, that tug originating beneath her navel yanks her into facing reality. She needs this woman like she needs breath…and she knows Seyka needs her every bit as much. Seyka wraps one arm around her, the other hand framing her face as she kisses her.

The feeling of cold death that had been sliding down Aloy’s spine, along with the debilitating tremors all start to dissipate. The world shifts into color again as though liquid hue is slowly flooding everything like a painting.

It’s just a series of slow, gentle kisses, but to Aloy…every hair on her body responds, just like always. And just like always, she knows that Seyka had forgiven her long before anything had even happened in the first place.

The world silences around them, up here, high on the perch, and they’re floating on the ocean, facing massive waves together, as Seyka clings to Aloy for dear life, kissing her more deeply.

Aloy feels that sense of home all over again as Seyka pulls back, sliding the tip of her nose along Aloy’s, snagging her mouth with her own at the end.

She’s back there again, under that highway, lightning branching and forking, illuminating Seyka’s bare body as Aloy’s hands had roamed across the planes of her skin.

She stops Seyka.

“No, I mean it. I’m sorry. And I’m going to set things right with Beta too. But with you, I didn’t mean to trigger that…I remember what it was like last time…the day of the storm.”

“Aloy…please. Yeah, that was scary, but don’t forget I told you that was also one of the best days of my life. The morning by that pool…then we sparred with my new spear. Then the storm happened, and you took me away from it, back to safety. You held me and rocked me. And later, it was there that you told me you were in love with me for the first time, there in the grass.”

Seyka pauses.

“That was the day I realized I would spend the rest of my life with you. So stop. Triggers happen everywhere, I know they happen for you too. We just learn to live with them, and focus on more important things…”

She smirks.

“…I believe after that I focused more on getting your clothes off.”

Aloy smiles, joy breaking out on her face, and she kisses her again. It’s not about passion or fire or need. It’s about being home, anywhere she goes with this woman.

#seyloy #aloy x seyka #the space between the stars #horizon fanfiction #horizon forbidden west #horizon burning shores #chapter excerpt

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katiemcgrathisdaddyaf · 1 year

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waves come crashing

“The open sea ahead and Fleet’s End disappearing behind us… along with everyone in it.”

Aloy feels a pang of sympathy. “Why do you put up with them?” Perhaps she’s never understood this bond to a tribe, never had the opportunity, but she struggles to see why someone would want to stay with people who don’t appreciate them.

“Well, it wasn’t always like this. I was a good marine. A good sister. I felt like I belonged,” Seyka explains. “That belonging is a strength, one that keeps me going even in the roughest seas. When you have something like that, you can’t cast it aside.”

Aloy thinks of Beta, of her friends who she’d go to the ends of the earth for. With them is the only place she’s ever truly felt like she belonged, not a tribe or a place. She supposes she can relate to that.

“I see,” Aloy starts. “You know, your people don’t know how lucky they are… to have you.”

Aloy’s stomach leaps up to her heart as she says it. It’s the way the boat hits the wave, the moment the hull leaves the water and they’re in the air. That’s all it is. Nothing more. A simple human reaction, not unlike the fall from her Sunwing earlier, or the countless times grappling from the side of a sheer cliff.

“I don’t know about that,” Seyka says, doubt laced in her voice.

Aloy winces at the sentiment. It doesn’t sit right. Seyka is clearly talented, strong-willed, intent on the survival of her people.

There’s a deep, angry burn in Aloy’s chest.

Seyka deserves better.

Aloy can’t help but imagine how well she’d fit in with the rest of her friends — how they seem to be a group that doesn’t quite fit in anywhere else. She wonders what it’d be like to bring Seyka to the base, what bunk she’d get, how their spears would stack alongside one another by the door. Maybe she’d like Zo’s cooking, or Erend’s Oseram ale.

But she's getting ahead of herself. Seyka has too much to worry about as it is. She’s not ready to learn about Gaia, the Zeniths, Nemesis, the imminent destruction of their world. She doesn’t need that burden.

No. Aloy will help Seyka find her sister, take care of Londra, and be on her way. Back to the Forbidden West, back to her own mission.

“I do.” The words slip out of Aloy’s mouth before she can stop them.

There’s no wave to excuse the flutter in her gut this time. The silence between them is louder than the engine propelling the skiff.

Aloy mentally kicks herself for saying it. She’s not even sure why she feels the need to push this.

But it’s true. Aloy knows. She may have only just met Seyka, she may not understand the customs of the Quen, but Aloy knows what it’s like to come from a tribe that doesn’t see value in her.

She knows that pain — the desire to be accepted, to be recognized — going as far as to risk her life for them. The burden is a heavy, ceaseless weight, harder to bear alone. And if Aloy can help her bear that weight…

“There,” Seyka points out. “My people’s boats.”

She drives the skiff onto the beach. The awkward conversation is left behind with the water as they turn their focus to the mountain and the Horus on top. There’s no time to sort out her emotions — there never is. Defeating Londra is what’s important, preparing for Nemesis. This… this feeling can wait.

~also posted on ao3~

#I’m sorry I cannot get enough. especially this scene for some reason idk!!!#finished the dlc last night and I am So Normal about this okay #I’m actually kicking myself rn bc I didn’t do a manual save before starting the dlc and I already wanna replay it #might see if I have an old save from my ps4 transfer tho. will likely be producing many gifs and videos if I ever have time #seyloy #horizon forbidden west #horizon forbidden west burning shores #burning shores #burning shores spoilers #horizon zero dawn #aloy #seyka #aloy sobeck #aloy x seyka #don’t mind me rambling to the void

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kotalloxaloy · 1 year

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Ok, so I finally finished Burning Shores and I have several thoughts

Below the cut because I'm sure many people haven't played and I don't want to spoil anything!

I liked the DLC! I had a lot of fun. I thought the setting was really interesting, I liked the new characters and the storyline definitely drew me in and I fucking LOVE the new mount (PSA you can take it to the main map and go underwater in the expanse of ocean that you can't swim through. There is nothing interesting down there and it pops up the warning that the current is too strong, but you can swim through it no problem.)

Yes I'm sad there was no Kotallo. It's fine, I wasn't expecting him, and we only saw Sylens and Alva so the other GAIA gang wasn't there either. I am extra disappointed that we can't go talk to him more!!! But I think that it's cool that Kotallo traveling to the sundom for the new embassy is canon now. I think lots of fics put forth the idea that Kotallo would act as a diplomat for the Tenakth to the Carja in Fashav's place. Cool that it's canon now.

I chose to kiss Seyka. Normally I pick the brain options but if I'm given an opportunity to kiss a girl in games I do it! Now, I haven't had the time to process everything well enough to pick apart the romantic story line (was it rushed? was there enough lead up to it? did it make sense?) but I do think Seyka is a good match for Aloy- the whole "I broke my tribe's rules and used technology I wasn't supposed to to help me accomplish an important personal goal" is very reminiscent of Aloy using a focus despite Rost insisting that it was dangerous.

Yes I still ship Aloy with some people who are not women. The devs have not said and nothing in the game has confirmed that Aloy (or Elisabet or Beta) is a lesbian. I myself am a bisexual woman and I am a big stickler about bi erasure. I also headcanon Kotallo as Bi. and plenty of other characters for that matter. The main thing that FW and Burning Shores confirmed for me is that Aloy (and Elisabet, and presumably Beta since they have the same DNA) is queer and I absolutely love it. More queer women leads in video games!!!

The fucking villian. Oh my god. I know I just talked about being bi but goddamnit they cast SAM WITWER as the villian??? I literally have never been so disgusted by a character I was attracted to. I've had a thing for Sam Witwer for like 13 years back when he was on Being Human. I got his autograph at a con and have it displayed in a DnD book that he contributed to. I didn't even realize it was Sam Witwer until I walked into that room with his face plastered all over the walls. Before that we only heard his recorded voice and saw holograms of him-and that never looks or sounds exactly like the character. But I walked by that first photo on the left when you walk in and I literally yelled out "SAM WITWER?" listen I could go into it more as to why i'm horrified by his character but I am a Sam Witwer fan so I can and will appreciate his performance.

Walter Londra is disgusting and I literally yelled "GROSS" out loud with the way he looked at Seyka's sister. I'm so glad Seyka was like "ABSOLUTELY NOT" and put a stop to it because if I had to watch one more second I might have puked.

I liked the theme park. Dinos are fun.

I play on story mode so maybe this is because I'm on the easiest setting, but I was able to walk on and in the lava and only go caught on fire once I was like waist deep in it. that was weird.

I would like significantly more underwater content with the Waterwing. I absolutely love it an I was just going up and down into the sky and into the water. extremely cool and I just want more underwater stuff to do with it.

There was an NPC with vitiligo which I thought was neat.

I almost cried at the end of Gildun's little side quest. And when Aloy gave him a focus I just thought it was so sweet!

I kind of felt bad for Evelyn Day? I know everyone had it bad, lots of people ended their lives before the Faro Plague hit them, and I know she cheated on her husband with his best friend which is kind of a dick move. but that last recording was very sad.

SYLENS 😭😭😭 I know I probably feel more attached to him knowing that Lance Riddick has passed away. But the end there, Aloy was SO MEAN to him! I was like "NO ALOY! He isn't doing this to prove he is the smartest!!! He decided to stay when he saw the friendships you formed! You showed him that there is value in human connection and that maybe there is a little hope when people work together!" I think she saw the good in him in the end but she was so snarky about it!

I probably have more thoughts but that's enough for now. I'm not very interested in an discourse about the devs offering a love interest or if the story of the dlc was good or whatever. I had fun, I can't wait for Horizon 3, and I still love Kotallo and ship him with Aloy but I'll be just as happy if we end up with Seyka or another WLW ship in the end for Aloy. The end. Please enjoy the queue that I just filled for you!

#burning shores dlc #burning shores spoilers #Horizon forbidden west spoilers

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ramblingcj · 1 year

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Ok, since I got bits of Burning Shores accidentally spoiled since Tumblr decided not to work, I bought and played it out of spite. It was a bit short, but I still enjoyed it. And it got me thinking.

I briefly mentioned this in another post but I like the subtle growth that Aloy goes through during the games. She grew up as an outcast. Raised by a man who, although loving in his own way, wasn’t the touchy-feely type. So physical touch wasn’t something Aloy was used too. She isn’t against it, she just isn’t used to it. I think that final talk she has with Rost really illustrates that. She wants so badly to reach for him, but doesn’t know how or if it will even be welcome.

Over the course of both games, she gets more and more comfortable with it. With the possible exception of her hugging Teersa, she often mirrors the gestures that others show her (I don’t remember if anyone hugged Aloy before she hugged Teersa). Most people in Zero Dawn will place their hand on Aloy’s shoulder and she later mirrors that gesture in Frozen Wilds and Forbidden West. Erend put his arm around Aloy’s shoulder at the end of the game and she later mirrors that same gesture with Beta.

Varl helped her realize that she has people around her who really cares about her and wants to be there for her. That she doesn’t have to be alone. Family and loved ones aren’t always the people of the tribe you’re born into. They’re the people you find along the way (which is another reason I’m so annoyed that Talanah was sidelined like that). Over the course of the game and meeting the others, Aloy grows more and more used to the idea that “home” isn’t necessarily a place.

She even adresses those points herself. She tells Beta that the “thing” that she had that Beta didn’t was Rost. She had someone who loved her. Even if he wasn’t the most affectionate or talkative, it was obvious that Rost loved her. Beta didn’t have anyone. I think that was also eye-opening for Aloy. Yes, she grew up alone. An outcast. But she did have someone who loved her. She wasn’t entirely alone. She also embraces the idea that she doesn't have to be alone. She grew up alone but also made the choice of being alone. If Varl hadn't followed her, she would've faced everything on her own in the Forbidden West. The whole game was about Aloy realizing that she doesn't have to be alone.

In Burning Shores, she recognizes that being alone isn't necessarily always a good thing. So much so that she even throws shade at Sylens for always being alone. So much so that she tells Gildun that he'll always have her and even gives him a Focus, telling Gaia to check in on him every once in a while.

Then with Seyka, she voices those feelings. Home is not always a place, it can be a person or several people. Where they are, home is. Of course with Seyka, those emotions are a wee bit different lol.

#cj plays games #cj rambles #hfw burning shores #hfw spoilers #horizon forbidden west

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warpaiint · 1 year

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⌜ @forbiddendawned ⌟ ―― A l o y . & . E r e n d ❝ Continued Ask ❞

Aloy rarely ever got sick, so the times she did it usually inhibited any activity or actions she wanted to do. What she wouldn't do for some of the old ones medicines they created, Tilda had given her some when she was healing; keeping the pain down and the fever as she had weeks of healing to handle at her place. But now she was at the base and there was no fabrication terminal or the old one benefits. No, she had to rough this out the normal way. The bitter root at least helped keep the fever down as she was propped up in her bed, blanket around her. Usually, the door would be closed, but Beta had asked that she not do so, so they could tend to her when needed.

This wasn't something she was used to, despite opening her arms and allowing people in now. Even Gaia urged her to let the others help which she finally conceded and said yes.

"Your one to talk," Aloy spoke up, bags under her eyes as she turned her green eyes to look in the direction of the voice. Her hair was a mess, unbrushed and hanging around her shoulders; fluffed out due to not being stuck in braids (It kept the headaches down) as she could smell the food. Usually, she would be ravenous, she loved to eat, but today it wasn't so much so even though she knew she needed to. "Did you and Kotallo cook a lot? Look at you showing some skills you've been hiding," Aloy teased lightly but it rang with a cough as she covered her mouth.

#forbiddendawned #[muse] aloy — interactions.#[wolf speaks] — tracker.

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foxx-queen · 2 years

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lil snip from the hfw fic I'm writing where tildas not a nutcase and varl doesn't die

Betraying her fellow Zeniths requires a highly precise, perfectly executed plan. She's run through it enough times to know the exact window of time she'll have before the shockwave wears off and Gerad and Erik regain consciousness. She knows that she'll have to wait for the exact moment to act, and that if she moves too soon she'll risk losing the one chance she has. She knows that there isn't time to take GAIA, and that Gerad will seize Beta first, meaning she'll have to leave her behind, or waste time she doesn't have. She agonizes over that decision, loathe to leave Beta in their hands without being there herself to protect her, but no matter how many scenarios she runs through, any attempt to take Beta with her ends in disaster. There simply isn't time. She has to get Aloy away to safety before Gerad and Erik wake up. Everything else - saving Beta, foiling their plans, saving a world she once left behind - hinges on Aloy. And so she steels herself against the part of her that began to feel again when she first saw Beta, and commits herself to the plan. Ignore everything else, wait for the right moment to incapacitate Gerad and Erik, and get Aloy to safety.

Saving the Nora isn't part of Tilda's plan.

Varl. She knew his name from Aloy's focus, but it sears into her ear drums when Beta screams for him, reverberating around the cauldron as Aloy's voice cracks, grief raw and blinding in her eyes. Tilda does nothing when Erik runs him through, nothing when he drags Beta away, and it's only when she's close enough to Aloy to enact her plan that she notices Varl is still breathing. There's a brief moment where she admires his resilience, before her attention turns to Aloy.

'Hush', she says, 'all is not lost'.

In the blinding light that overloads all their senses, she reflects that it was, really, an unnecessary thing to say. A moment of ... what? Compassion? Kindness? A desire to reassure Aloy, and ease the distress and fear in her eyes? It's not something she would have bothered to do for the past millennia, until Beta found a crack in her suit that had no right to exist, and discovered a heart she'd thought long dead.

It's something Lis might've done.

She's quick to move towards Aloy, aware of the time she has like a clock ticking audibly in the background, when Varl makes a sound beside her. A quick scan tells her he's dying, and that his life can't be saved with this world's primitive technology.

She should leave him. It shouldn't be a second thought. And yet for a moment she pauses, a handful of precious seconds wasted as she recalls what she saw of Varl in Aloy's focus. That all those memories can be summed up by the simple fact that Aloy loves him. He's been there by her side for a long time, refusing to abandon her even when she pushed him away, and it's led him here, bleeding out onto cold metal in a place his people believe is cursed.

It reminds her, as all love does, of Lis.

It takes barely a second for her to stop the bleeding, though there's nothing more she can do in the moment, and she rises from the cauldron with Aloy over one shoulder, and Varl over the other.

She tells herself it's a tactical move. That saving Varl will make Aloy more likely to trust her.

It's hardly the first lie she's told herself when it comes to Lis, and her children.

plan is to just do lil scenes from here, maybe one or two during the end game and then just, post. planning to work in the rest of the gaia gang. also regalla's gonna live too cause I do what I want.

#horizon forbidden west spoilers #horizon forbidden west #tilda van der meer #aloy #varl #beta #i have some scenes in mind and others ill have to work out #if u feel like suggesting things ur welcone to #*welcome to #maybe ill actually finish this now that ive published this

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unyieldingfashav · 2 years

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GAIA GANG CUDDLES (part one)

Alva's been staring at projections of data for hours on end and her eyes have started to cross a little when she realizes it's particularly quiet in the common room. Bookmarking where she's at in her readings, she taps off the display from her focus and goes in search of the others.

She finds Erend's warhammer and Varl's bow - things she knows they wouldn't leave behind if they were going out into the wilds. The supplies Kotallo had retrieved from the nearby Tenakth settlement are on the countertop, a mixture of foods and resources spilling out from where it's tipped over. And Aloy's spear is resting atop the workbench without the huntress anywhere to be seen. Finally, frustrated at the silence echoing throughout the living quarters, she asks politely, "GAIA? Do you know where everyone's gone? Are they alright?"

GAIA's warm voice fills her ear, her focus lighting up out of the corner of her eye. "Yes, Alva, they are all fine. Beta is still down in her room and wishes to be undisturbed. The others have gathered in the console room and are taking the time to relax together."

"Oh." That surprised her. Mainly because the idea of Aloy slowing down enough to do anything close to relax was just hard for her to picture. And for a brief moment, she feels like an outlier, the odd one out of the little group they've formed here at this base. And it's why her voice is a bit hesitant as she asks, "Do you know if they want to be left alone? I wouldn't want to interrupt them if it's a private gathering. I know I've only been here for a little while and that-"

"I've checked with Aloy," GAIA interrupts, cutting off her nervous rambling with an abruptness that catches her off guard. It's not a rude interruption though, almost affectionate she thinks. "She's asked me to relay that they'd be happy for you to join them if you would like."

"Oh." Again she's surprised but this time it's a little happier of a surprise. And so she makes her way up to the console room with her curiosity piqued as she went to join them. She's entirely unprepared for the sight of the five warriors all seated together on a pile of cushions and padding in what looks to just be their sleep clothes. It's a pile of bodies, limbs overlapping and leaning on one another as they lean or lay back to look up at the scene of a magnificent desert city projected up on the dome above them. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she remembers reading a phrase in a journal entry from one of the old ones that she thinks may be fitting for what she's stumbled into. Something called a slumber party where friends all slept in the same space, gossiping and playing games of some sort. Yes, she supposed this is what that might have looked like.

"Alva! It's about time you showed up!" Erend is the one who makes the exclamation when she comes up the steps, all eyes on her with various greetings of smiles and nods. She feels a warmth in her stomach at the affection she feels from this group of people she's been slowly allowing herself to consider her friends. "Get over here and check out Meridian!"

In no time, she finds herself in the midst of the group, some of the bulkier ornaments of her outfit removed and set carefully to the side as she's persuaded into lying back to take in the view. She winds up shoulder to shoulder with Erend, both of their heads propped up just a bit on Kotallo's legs that are stretched out behind them, and listens as the Oseram tells her a plethora of stories about his time in the Carja capital after the fall of the Mad Sun King. She stops him halfway through the second tale to ask if she can record this because the stories are fascinating to her and Erend does a great job of keeping his audience entertained. He agrees without a moment of hesitation.

She doesn't mean to fall asleep there, doesn't even realize it until the next morning when she wakes up Erend's elbow digging into her side, but she's not upset that she did. It reminds her of her childhood when her sister would crawl into bed with her and the two of them would whisper to each other until exhaustion won out. There's a part of her heart that aches for home but another part that feels like this could be a second home for her.

#because i had to do a follow up with alva #she's my baby #hfw spoilers #horizon forbidden west #gaia gang #alva #drabbles

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loversandantiheroes · 5 years

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Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Category: F/M Fandom: Dragon Age: Inquisition Relationships: Female Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford, Female Lavellan/Cullen Rutherford Characters: Cullen Rutherford, Female Inquisitor (Dragon Age), Female Lavellan (Dragon Age) Additional Tags: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Lyrium Withdrawal, Lyrium Addiction, visual and auditory hallucinations, Mild Gore, Hurt/Comfort, first comes the hurt, then comes the comfort, I swear there will be comfort

The threat of Adamant looms, and the cracks begin to show. Big, huge, and many thanks to @songofproserpine, @aloy-sobek, and @juliannos for beta reading this chapter. I’ve spent a lot of time on this trying to get it right. Here’s hoping I succeeded.

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Adamant.

“Read it again,” Cullen said, stone-faced, praying he had heard wrong

Josephine sat behind her desk, eyes wide with that same alarmed disbelief he felt, but she nodded just the same, cleared her throat, and began to read.

The Wardens are compromised. A Magister of the Venatori, Livius Erimond has infiltrated their ranks and convinced them their only chance of ensuring an end to the Blights before the Calling consumes them is to raise a demon army and march upon the Deep Roads and kill the Old Gods before they can be corrupted. What we stumbled upon appears to have been the first attempt at the binding ritual. Erimond instructed a small group of Warden mages to each kill one of their fellows, some sort of blood magic ritual to draw and bind a demon. More concerning: while the ritual places the demon in the thrall of the mage that bound it, it also binds the mage to Corypheus. The familiarity of this is not lost on me, I remember Redcliffe too well. We have dispatched the ‘test group’, but Erimond has escaped. Hawke and Stroud have scouted west on Stroud’s hunch and have found the Wardens occupying an ancient stronghold called Adamant. I do not know the name, but I imagine at least one of you does, and Stroud’s face when he spoke of it tells me more than I wish to know. We return for Skyhold at once. We must plan, and we must plan quickly.

Josephine laid the missive down gingerly. “This is...dire.”

“Adamant has been unbreachable for centuries,” Leliana said, her voice cold and hushed like a dagger in the dark..

“Centuries ago they did not have trebuchets,” Cullen said, striving for a confidence he did not in any way feel. “We need sappers.”

“I believe one of Bull’s Chargers is a sapper,” Leliana suggested. “And we have Dagna. That is at least a start. I will do some digging, see who else we have that may be of use.”

Josephine began rifling through papers on her desk. “I believe I may be able to call in a favor for siege equipment. Not all nobles deal purely in coin and gossip.”

“That just leaves us with enthralled Wardens and demons,” Leliana muttered darkly. “They could house over a thousand men there.”

The pain in Cullen’s head flared, a sharp pulse at his temples. “Our Templars should be prepared. Our people should be prepared.”

“The Inquisitor returns with haste,” Josephine said. “Two weeks by horse relay, perhaps less. That gives us some time to prepare.”

Cullen scowled. “Another five to make the march back out there with enforcements, and that’s on top of preparations. Andraste preserve us, Erimond could fill Adamant in that time if he has enough mages among the Wardens.”

“How many of your remaining Templars are at Skyhold, Commander?” Leliana asked.

“Nowhere near enough. I will send word, recall as many as possible to Skyhold.” He turned on his heel, gripping the hilt of his sword, and made for his office.

Unbreachable. Maker, if only the walls were their only worry.

* * *

Preparations had to be made, even before the Inquisitor’s return. Cullen sent dozens of letters, ordering an immediate return to base for every Templar they had in the field. The numbers were considerably less than he cared for, barely over fifty all told, with perhaps a half dozen veterans among them. A rueful little voice nattered in his ear, reminding him if they had only gone to the Templars, if he had the full force of the Order at his disposal…. But of course, he didn’t. The choice had been made. And given the actions of the demon Krem said had been impersonating the Lord Seeker, sending the Herald into Therinfal Redoubt would have been like driving a lamb into a slaughtering pen. It was not the alliance he regretted, it was the loss.

And so the week went, a flurry of activity and too-little sleep. The headache persisted and brought with it a faint, charred smell that followed him as he went about his duties, craning his neck to search for signs of smoke. The itch came soon after, bone-deep and low, something that made him want to twist and squirm in his own skin. Cullen was too disciplined for that, too stubborn.

But he moved, and he kept moving. He paced constantly. Inspections doubled. A sand pit was hastily constructed near the practice yard to give the men some idea of what they might face if the fight took them outside of the fortress walls. The time he spent in the sparring ring jumped dramatically. And even there he was restless, moving and rolling and driving aside the less practiced with an alarming ferocity. None were injured, but more than a few soldiers left the ring with their practice weapons cracked and their heads hung in exhausted defeat.

His soldiers bore his agitation. The staff on the other hand were less equipped to handle it. He was short with them, an irritation that grew steadily worse as the week wore on, until it was a fight to keep his fool mouth shut before he berated some poor maid for doing their job too close to him, or a runner for slamming doors they swore they had not touched. Overworked was the polite whisper. Arsehole was the less polite version, and he couldn’t claim it was unearned. His behavior was regrettably noted. None seemed to mark the reason behind it, save for Cassandra who kept a wary, albeit distant, eye on him, but said nothing.

The thirst returned soon after. A familiar addition, and one he considered to be no great concern. Cullen had long since learned to ration his water. And if his tongue worried restlessly over too-dry lips and his throat ached with the need for something colder, cleaner, bluer - well, what of that? Pain was pain, and he could take it. And he did. More and more each day. Until the headaches were inescapable and his joints felt like fire and broken glass. The remedies helped, when good sense came to him in the grounding guise of Aadhlei’s voice and overrode his pride, urging him to finally send slips to the infirmary for the potions that would dull the pain, or settle his stomach enough to keep half a hurried meal down, or to sleep for longer than an hour at night without jerking awake to the muffled sounds of phantom explosions.

And so he endured. He had little choice else. The cost of failure was far too high. It was a well-worn slog, horrible but at the very least predictable, until the ninth day.

Morning found him pulling on his armor, hair combed but face unshaven, fighting to still the tremors in his hands enough to buckle on his breastplate. A missive had arrived by raven the night before declaring the Inquisitor had just passed Halamshiral. Four days left, three if she kept up the relay. There had been no direct letters since she had left the Western Approach, and he could not claim that he did not feel their absence, or hers. It had been well over a month since she had left Skyhold with Hawke and Stroud in tow. He realized with a glum sort of wistfulness that this was almost certainly the longest they had spent apart since they had met.

Yet the relief he expected with the news of her return was nowhere to be found. Instead all he felt was a cold, creeping dread that snaked its way through his gut like a wire. She would return, and she would look to him with trust in those soft green eyes that had shaken him free of so many nightmares, and she would expect him to give council. And what did he have? A migraine and a rather impressive case of the shits. Fine council, indeed.

Idiot boy.

Cullen froze. The voice was clear and harsh, a mocking sneer. And Maker, it sounded close. Close enough that Cullen fancied if he turned he would see the Knight-Commander’s eyes, steel shot through with red, mere inches from his own.

“You’re dead,” he said, voice taut. He pulled his gorget over his head and set to fastening it down. “At least have the decency to be silent.”

You called me mad. My own Knight-Captain stood against me. And for what? To protect blood mages. And now here they stand again. Weak and foolish Wardens turning to blood magic to save their own skins. They will paint Thedas red in blood and lyrium and it will be on your head.

And then the room was gone. All around was chaos; the steel-on-steel clash of combat, the sizzling crack and pull of magic, but even that was drowned out by the sounds of pure panic and carnage.

The choice was yours, Knight-Captain. Blessed are those that stand before the wicked and do not falter. And when have you done anything but falter?

Cullen pushed his fists against his eyes. Skyhold. Not Kirkwall. Look up.

Cullen lifted his head, desperate, searching for the skylight that was - should be there. It wasn’t. Above him hung a slate-grey sky, thick with smoke and storm clouds, tinged red where the fires burned highest. Kirkwall was burning. Again? Still? Maker, did it even matter? Kirkwall burned and he had let it happen. Had, in point of fact, helped build the pyre.

The world flickered like a candle flame in a sudden draft and Kirkwall was gone. High stone walls surrounded him, a sprawl of putrid, pulsing flesh climbing up it like diseased ivy. He could smell it, the sweetness of its rancidity almost enough to mask the old-copper scent of blood. And the blood was everywhere. Bodies lay in mutilated piles around him, some mangled beyond recognition, but others were still painfully familiar. Farris’s head regarded him with bland, slack-jawed terror from the end of a spike, one eye rolled up to the ceiling. A few feet away, from the base of a pile protruded an arm, surprisingly whole, with smooth skin broken by a long pink scar that stopped near the elbow. ‘A bandit with a broken dagger,’ Annalise would tell anyone that listened, but the reality of it had been a clumsy fall into a stack of pottery.

Cullen’s stomach twisted, gorge rising. He saw all of it through a shimmering haze of violet, a barrier, a prison. They had stuck him here to watch the slaughter. How many had been cut down before his eyes? How many torn apart? How many left broken and begging for death for hours before their pleas were granted?

He felt a spasm wrack his body, making him shake and rattle in his armor like a specter in a ghost story. Lyrium withdrawal, his first true taste of it, etched into his mind with blood and screaming.

You couldn’t save them, Meredith spoke up in a voice like ice. What makes you think you can protect the men that serve you now, or that posturing maleficarum that calls herself Inquisitor? You were a failure even with the lyrium in your veins, you are a fool to think you could be more without it. You lead them into death, boy. That’s all you know how to do.

“NO!” he roared, fists lashing out to strike the barrier and finding only empty air and darkness.

Skyhold, he told himself desperately. Not Kirkwall, not Kinloch! Damn your eyes, Rutherford, look up! Find it!

Again he craned his neck up, conjuring the image of the window in his mind. Greens and browns and blues, tall trees and running dogs and the sky beyond it. On its heels came the afterthought of Aadhlei standing beneath it, the sunlight in her hair and the light touch of her fingers on the inside of his wrist, a scent of herbs clinging to her hair and faint lilac on her skin.

One moment there was only darkness above him, thick, black, and endless. The next moment he was staring up at the skylight above his bed, glinting prettily in the first pale gold of morning.

Cullen crumpled to his knees on the floor of his bedroom, hung his head, and wept.

* * *

The wind cut cold across Skyhold’s battlements, chilling the sweat that stood out stark against Cullen’s face as he caught sight of the line of horses speeding toward the front gate. He wavered, swaying on his feet, the pounding in his head increasing threefold. Aadhlei rode at the forefront, he recognized her not by her mount but by the shade of her cloak and the staff strapped to her back. He had held out some shred of hope that the sight of her might bolster the last cracking remains of his resolve, that he might find strength enough to endure for her sake, if not for his. Maker, he had hoped….

Meredith’s voice rang out in his head, cold and sharp as a surgeon’s blade. Your pride will be the death of her.

It was in his head. It was only in his head this time, and he knew it. But even that could not stop the twisting in his chest. There was no comfort here. No comfort anywhere. A small sound, weak and defeated, escaped his lips in a rush of white vapor.

I can’t.

Though his knees felt hot and loose and ready to buckle, they bore him swiftly enough down the stairs towards the place where the Seeker stood, testing a fresh blade. “A word please, Lady Cassandra. I require your...opinion on a matter.”

She regarded him coolly, casting a brief glance to the gate as shouts of the Inquisitor’s approach rang out. “I don’t suppose I need to ask what this is about.”

“In private,” he half-snarled, jerking his head toward the door of the smithy. “Please.”

Cassandra gave him an assessing look, then nodded grimly. “As you say.”

Cullen strode ahead, shoving the door open with enough force to startle one of Harritt’s apprentices into dropping the sword he was grinding.

“Out,” Cullen said, pointing at the far door.

“Begging your pardon, Commander?” Harritt said, his eyebrows hovering about halfway up his bald head in his surprise. “All due respect, ser, but this is my-”

“Out!”

The apprentices were out the door before Harritt had even the chance to toss the half-forged steel back in the embers. He followed, begrudgingly, bitching under his breath as he went.

As the door shut behind him, Cassandra spoke. “The answer is no.”

Cullen turned on his heel, wobbling. “Do I have no say in this at all?”

“If I thought it necessary, Cullen, I would have relieved you of your command already. That I have not should be the only answer you need.”

“Maker’s breath, will you just listen to me?”

She folded her arms, scowling. “Very well, Commander. I am listening.”

“I,” he faltered almost immediately, pride again taking control of his tongue. He set to pacing in front of the forge, sweat pouring down the sides of his face to pool under his armor. Maker how could he sweat, he was bloody freezing. Slowly the words ground out of him. “I cannot do this.”

He began to unpack it, or at least he tried to, giving a halting index of symptoms and incidents. Try as he might, he couldn’t quite find the words to explain the worst of it, dancing around the visions and voices and memories with all the care of a wounded animal trying to hide a lame and mangled leg. When he had finished as best he could he turned again to Cassandra, breathing a little too raggedly, hoping to see some shift in her face, some sign she understood.

“I do not believe your concerns to be unfounded, Commander,” she began.

“Thank you.” “However, I do not believe it warrants your resignation or replacement.”

“What?” he spat, incredulous.

“We face our first true test of battle as a unified force against Corypheus soon. It is understandable that you might begin to doubt-”

“This is beyond doubt, Seeker. If I am made to lead our people into battle in this condition we will fail. Our people will die. The Inquisitor will- I cannot let that happen! I will not!”

Cassandra’s scowl deepened. “You asked for my opinion and I’ve given it. What more do you expect of me?”

“I expect you to keep your word,” Cullen sneered, rubbing at another sudden spike at his temples. “It’s relentless, I can’t-”

“You give yourself too little credit,” she said.

Another time he might’ve seen it for what it was - a compliment, a confidence in his abilities. But he was too fogged with pain and the nattering of too-close memories. The sweat was in his eyes, stinging, and the smell of fire and steel lit up his nerves.

“If I’m unable to fulfill what vows I kept, then nothing good has come of this. Would you rather save face than admit-”

The door behind him swung open quietly, the faintest squeak of a hinge, and he wheeled at the sound. “I said get OUT!” he roared.

And then his eyes cleared, and all his fire died. Standing in the doorway, wind-chapped and exhausted in her stained travelling clothes, was Aadhlei. She stared at him for a long beat, too shocked to speak. Coward that he was, he couldn’t bear the thought of what she might say when her voice returned. Cullen hung his head and stalked out the door, too ashamed to look at her, mumbling in a low and ragged voice: “Forgive me.”

Part of him was sure she wouldn’t. Another part of him, small and painfully bitter, was sure she would. He could not say which was worse.

#da:i fanfic #cullen rutherford #cullen x lavellan #cullavellan #oc: aadhlei #da:i #this was terrifying to write y'all #I just want you to know that #so anyway here's the hurt #the comfort is still being edited #but heyyy #for like the two of you waiting for this: it's here

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all-pacas · 2 years

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HUGE BIG SPOILER ESSAY UNDER THE CUT so i played more FW last night

plot happened

i also looked at some art

* KOTALLO’S PROSTHETIC ARM IS SO COOL * AND HE EVEN PAINTED IT * ugh okay i actually like that he has accepted the loss of his arm in such a pragmatic way. he’ll use the prosthetic when he needs it, but he’s fine the rest of the time as he is. so good * HAHAHAHA TILDA LITERALLY HAS THE NIGHT WATCH * i was joking w a friend that she would have had it on her living room wall because it was the first massive-sized dutch painting i could think of but NO SHE LITERALLY HAS IT * tilda seems slimy but i can’t decide if it’s because she’s an immortal capitalist or actually evil * like she seems fairly sincere but i get the feeling she’s more … idk, she wants the art of the world more than to save them * i loved her art history lessons lmao * whoever wrote that had some fun with painting symbolism 101 * i also REFUSE to believe varl is dead unless we SEE HIS DEAD BODY. refuuuuuuuuuse * anyway i was right and i love this sylens thing — he really did think the zeniths were good guys when he told aloy to trust them, and as soon as he realized he was wrong he’s been working to take them down. probably wants apollo of course, but he’s actually doing the right thing — just in his usual insane ends justify the means way — and naturally he and aloy could be great allies if they didn’t HATE one another so fucking much lmao * now that they’re talking about aloy’s focus i’m reminded that during that HADES lab scene, erik had a conversation with SOMEONE but we didn’t hear who. was it tilda?? and the game didn’t want us to know by letting us hear her voice???? IS SHE THE ONE IN CHARGE * tilda is calling elisabet “lis” ohohoho * tilda was a spy yeah i don’t trust her * and now tilda is trying to flatter aloy by saying she’s elisabet but better i don’t trust herrrrrrrrr that’s such obviously calculated flattery * gosh her manufactured meet cute with elisabet, too, like it’s a cute story but also she planned and scripted it and makes it into this charming encounter i don’t know if she was sincere and really did want to be friends with elisabet and beta and even aloy, but i do believe — she cut off beta not out of a real need for her safety, but because beta got attached? maybe? it’s a very self-first, immortal capitalist way of dealing with people. * OH GOOD aloy doesn’t trust tilda either * awwww betaaaaaaaaaa * THAT IS BETWEEN ME AND MY SISTER * god varl better be alive and in the base when aloy shows up * FUCK * i am fucking crying varl was my faovirte part of this game * ughhh * and zo is pregnant and * aloy * UGHHHH * okay so i cried a Lot and went to bed and am still crying * thinking about sona, who has lost both her kids in two years and doesn’t even know, no one is rushing to tell her, she failed at the one thing a nora is supposed to succeed at and her son’s friends don’t even care to tell her * thinking about vala putting flowers on her spear and sona hating them, and so zo finding those flowers for varl, to grow at his grave * thinking about how varl was aloy’s best friend and most trusted friend and partner, the first person she met after leaving the embrace, who the first game showed us she always clicked with, who was willing to follow her to meridian and then follow her for months. he brought zo into the group, he brought erend, he reached out to beta and made her into a friend. he called aloy out and brought up rost because she knew she needed to, he was the fucking HEART of team base, aloy’s second. * he was the one who kept going on missions with aloy, not sidequests. the tutorial. the cauldron. the beta base. aloy didn’t even ask him if he would join her for the gemini mission, she just took it for granted that he’d be with her, because he was. * his focus is in her room and he went from a religious nora to someone who just wanted to see the stars and space and fly, and wanted to return to the sacred lands and teach the nora everything he’d learned * and he died. pointlessly. he died trying to defend aloy and beta, he died fighting, but he failed. he didn’t hurt erik, he didn’t save his friends or GAIA. and then they left his body there and zo and the others found him like that, alone and dead, and it’s fucking devastating * on the one hand, he died doing what he would have wanted: trying to help aloy, helping aloy, but it’s devastating because of how pointless it was * not in the way where i’m mad they fridged ersa because it had no purpose or meaning or point, just killed her after a long snipe hunt where no she’s alive, no just kidding, no she’s alive and dead and it makes no difference. i’m fucking devastated about varl and i want him to be alive because i love varl and aloy and zo and erend love varl and miss him, but also WOW do i want some space capitalists fucking DEAD now. like it’s so devastating because it was so well done. i hate it. i’m so sad. * i had been thinking about the pacing of this game. it’s missing a lot of the drive of the first one: there’s not much of a mystery, it’s much more of a “gather the mcguffins” plot. obviously the zeniths are bad and we’ll confront them, but there didn’t seem to be much urgency aside from the game telling us we’d get to it. but NOW there’s urgency, not because the situation has really changed but because _varl is dead_. they did that. they killed him for no reason and with no need. he had friends and family and his girlfriend is fucking PREGNANT and he had a purpose and dreams both silly (going to space!) and concrete (teaching the nora!), and now he’s dead and if you have aloy sit at his grave she’s just silent. no monologues, no story recaps. she just sits there quietly and the button prompt is farewell and i am fucking. crying. over. varl.

#FORBIDDEN WEST SPOILERS

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johnmkenney · 6 years

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Game of the Year 2017

You’ve likely heard it everywhere, but 2017 sure was a fantastic year for video games. Nintendo released their latest system, Microsoft put their upgraded revision of their console out on the market, and an Early Access title took the world by storm. All while this was happening, fantastic games were coming out at an unprecedented pace. Three of the games in my top 10 last came out within 10 days of each other early in the year, and two others came out on the same exact day later in the year. There’s something to be said about years ending in 7 having good games, and this decade provided yet another stellar showing.

This was a year where almost the entirety of the top 10 could have ranked even higher in previous years. That’s how good games were this year. I also spent a lot of time ordering my top 3 when I put this together last weekend, as the line is so razor thin that any of them could have won it. The end moral: what a year for games.

As always, the rules for inclusion are as follows:

The game must have its final retail release in 2017. Thus, anything in an alpha/beta state or Steam Early Access does not qualify. Based on the way games are being developed, this will likely be the last year this rule is in place.

In the case of episodic games, they must have their final episode delivered in 2017 to make the list.

While this list is comprehensive, I haven’t played everything. Games like A Night in the Woods, Hollow Knight, What Remains of Edith Finch, and Divinity: Original Sin 2 all seem great but are unfortunately all still on my backlog.

Most importantly: the game has to be really good. No-brainer there.

Honorable mentions:

This was the hardest year yet to limit the list to ten games, but here are the last five cuts I made:

Destiny 2 - Bungie managed to take the positive momentum of the later years of the original Destiny to make a great experience in Destiny 2, but there are definitely still some aspects to be cleaned up. Sonic Mania - It’s the first truly great Sonic game in decades as Christian Whitehead nailed the essence of the Genesis-era games. Persona 5 - A fantastic entry in the series that provides another strong cast of characters, stellar RPG gameplay, and a wonderful soundtrack. Nioh - While often labeled a Souls-clone, the mission based structure and smart take on combat stances make this a unique experience. Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice - This is definitely an important title for exploring mental health, and the true shining star here is the audio design. Definitely play this with headphones.

And now, here are my top 10 games of 2017:

10. Typeshift (Zach Gage - Mobile)

While many successful games this year focused on large, sweeping adventures, the one game I found myself launching daily was this clever word game. TypeShift gives you a simple task: shift columns of letters vertically to make words until you’ve used every letter at least once. While this sounds simple at first, the variety of different modes, including crossword-style clue challenges, help keep you coming back for puzzle after puzzle. There’s also a free daily puzzle every day, so the replayability is infinite here. This is the type of game that will stay installed on my phone for a long time to come, as it’s not something I see myself tiring of anytime soon.

9. The Sexy Brutale (Tequila Works - PC, PS4, XBO)

One of 2017’s most unique games: The Sexy Brutale is a Groundhog Day-esque murder mystery adventure. Stuck in an infinite time loop, the player needs to witness party-goers at a mansion party get killed throughout the night. Using the knowledge you’ve received as well as the ability to reset time by a few hours, you’re able to foil the attempts at their lives and slowly piece together the story and motives. This isometric puzzler presents you with a simple objective but continues to use it in clever ways throughout the story to fill in all of the missing pieces in this adventure. Figuring out how to save each character is a joy, and the setting and soundtrack help make this something that won’t soon be forgotten.

8. Horizon: Zero Dawn (Guerrilla Games - PS4)

After over a decade of developing Killzone games, Guerilla Games delivered a fresh and intriguing new world with Horizon. In the developer’s self-described “post-post-apocalypse”, you’re given a beautiful open world filled with the remnants of civilization that went nearly extinct thousands of years prior. Horizon does a good job painting a picture of new class structures and struggles as humans redevelop their societies, but the true spectacle comes within slowly learning more about what caused the downfall of humanity in the first place. It’s a well-told tale that helps sets the table for more adventures to come in this universe in the future. Combat and discovering the weaknesses of beasts in battle is a great hook, and the strong gameplay gives you reasons to stick with Aloy for dozens of hours.

7. Pyre (Supergiant Games - PC, PS4)

With its third entry, Supergiant created another enthralling universe to get lose within. Pyre’s gameplay hook of “RPG meets NBA Jam” is a great way to get people into the door, but what’s more important here is the story that is told. Half the game presents itself as a visual novel of sorts, where you spend time talking to various members of your party (as well as your opponents) to build a bigger sense of what being trapped in this underground is truly like. Winning your matches is important, but if you lose, the game continues, as your loss hindered the team and is part of the story. There are no do-overs in this world, and you must soldier on even if your failure caused members of your team their freedom. This is one of the strongest aspects of the game, and the relationships you build with the multiple well developed characters in this game make you want to earn their freedom, even if it means you lose them for future matches. The battles are fun every time, but the true reason to stick around this world is the characters.

6. Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus (Machine Games - PC, PS4, XBO)

Wolfenstein II is probably the game that features the worst gameplay on this list. Why mention that and even put it on this list? Well, that’s because tearing through this world and seeing the adventures of B.J. Blazkowicz and his resistance team is a sight to behold. Set in an alternate reality a few decades after the Nazis won World War II, there isn’t much hope left in the world for those fighting back, and this is a story about starting a revolutions. Words cannot even describe the twists and turns this story takes, as there are enough clever moments and setpieces that could fill a whole series instead of just a single game. I found myself putting down the controller several times out of shock with a “did they really just do that?” thought throughout the adventure. It’s quite alright to throw the settings to easy and tear through this adventure, as it isn’t something to be missed.

5. Cuphead (StudioMDHR - PC, XBO)

There’s one thing painfully obvious about Cuphead right off the bat: this 1930s cartoon inspired run-and-gun platformer is one of the most beautiful games you’ll see in motion. The game is so faithful to its source material, straight down to the occasional tears in the film and garbled voice audio from some characters. StudioMDHR went for an aesthetic, and they nailed it. However, looks aren’t what make a game, and Cuphead’s true strength comes within its stellar gameplay and boss design. It feels like you are playing a modern-day Gunstar Heroes while you tear through dragons, genies, haunted roller coasters, and so many more diverse villains. While everything may look cute, this game provides a challenge that is not for the weak of heart, but it’s certainly worth surmounting. The boss battles a true delight, and something as simple as a progress meter that shows how far you got during your failed attempt is a great touch to make you want to immediately hop back in to try to redeem your loss.

4. Super Mario Odyssey (Nintendo EPD - Switch)

While Super Mario Galaxy 2 may be my favorite 3D Mario, there’s something to be said about Nintendo wanting to go back to the world-exploring approach seen in Super Mario 64. What resulted is a fantastic journey through a dozen worlds with clever platforming and environments that reward you for searching every nook and cranny. Almost every level brings fresh ideas and challenges that help present one of the most fun Mario adventures yet. All of that being said, I haven’t even touched on the capture mechanic, which helped breath new life into this story. Using Mario’s new hat companion, Cappy, you are able to possess a majority of enemies you come across to gain their abilities. The foes you can overtake range from classics like Bullet Bills and Chain Chomps to new foes such as a giant T-Rex. These traits help you look at your surroundings like you couldn’t before and uncover new secrets and objectives, leading to an absolute sense of wonder for the player. From the New Donk City Festival to the Darker Side, the moments in this game will keep a smile on your face throughout.

3. NieR: Automata (Platinum Games - PC, PS4)

NieR took me a very long time to finally get through, as there were a few separate occasions early on where I fell off the game. I decided to stick with it, and shortly after I came to a moment that I immediately intrigued me to keep pushing. After finishing the game (aka Route A), I enjoyed it enough to see what the alternative routes would show me. Immediately upon starting the second playthrough, I was hooked and the game wouldn’t let go until I saw the credits no less than six more times. The twists and turns the story takes in NieR are unprecedented, and the beauty of is it in the way that the story itself is told. This is one of those experiences that wouldn’t have the same effect if shown in another type of medium. The answers are in front of you the whole time, but seeing the way that the game handles subjects such as loyalty, the human essence, and society as a whole are fascinating. Characters are built so incredibly strong in this world that you want to see what happens to each one of them, even if the outcome isn’t usually the happiest. It’s to the point where even the end credits have a moment that left me with a “wow, I can’t believe they did that” feeling. It’s a hard game to discuss without spoiling some of the genius found within, so if you’re at all interested, it’s worth a look. It’s been weeks since I’ve finished NieR, and I still can’t stop thinking about some of its themes and story.

2. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (Nintendo EPD - Switch, Wii U)

The crown jewel of Nintendo’s new platform is Link’s latest adventure. It’s hard to think of an open-world created that is as stunning and provides the freedom to explore as the world found here. 2013’s handheld Zelda, A Link Between Worlds, toyed around with the idea of giving the player access to most abilities immediately and setting them loose in the world. Breath of the Wild took that concept and ran with it, as you spent the first few hours on a seperate plateau learning the mechanics and receiving all of the items that give Link his abilities in the game. Once you have that, you’re turned free to go anywhere you want in the world. I spent dozens of hours just exploring mountains, lakes, and deserts before even approaching the first story milestone of the game, as there was just so much to do by wandering. Something as simple as giving Link the ability to climb instead of gating with invisible terrain presents the player with the ability to explore so much so quickly, and the world seems so vast thanks to it.

Nintendo’s decisions to add challenge shrines, which were all mostly unique, in place of the typical heart piece search granted a new reason to try to uncover everything there was in the world. The in-game physics also lead to so many moments of creating unique solutions to obstacles and combat that you won’t believe what you can pull off. The newest Zelda also used one of the series core strengths, its music, in a novel way, as the world is more silent and songs are used more as ambiance to accompany Link in key moments, and it works. It’s a world you’ll never want to leave, and the fact that Nintendo provided a Zelda adventure that can give you 100 hours a playtime if you choose is something truly special. The one piece that was the deciding factor of keeping Breath of the Wild out of my top spot was the dungeons, as the focus on letting the player have access to all abilities led to all the dungeons and their bosses seemed sub-par compared to everything else. Still, this is not an experience to be missed.

1. PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds (PUBG Corporation - PC, XBO)

As with most people, if you would have told me I would have been hooked by a full game version of one of those Battle Royale mods in 2017, I would have called you crazy. However, here we are. Very early in the year, I found myself watching a few PUBG streams on Twitch and decided to pick it up about two weeks after it launched in Early Access. I mentioned at the start of this list how I consistently played TypeShift throughout the year, but 2017 was also the year that I was constantly drawn back into PUBG week after week.

The concept is simple: you and 99 other people are dropped onto an island with nothing. The goal: be the last person standing. This isn’t the first time this has been attempted, as I mentioned earlier how mods and other games have attempted this same idea. However, this is the first time where it’s been streamlined in a way that makes it super easy to hop in and play. There’s nothing overly complicated about it: as all you need to do is run around and loot weapons and recovery items to better prepare you for battles you’ll have on a fairly large map. In one of the ways that makes PUBG so accessible, there’s always a circle slowly encroaching onto players to ensure games move quickly and that you cannot just hide in one spot. Sure, you can hide in a bathtub and hope to get lucky with circle positioning, but it’s probably not going to happen.

No two games of PUBG are exactly alike, and there’s nothing that compares the heart-pounding experience of being one of the last 10 people alive, knowing your next move could win you the game or expose you to be easily killed by another opponent. It’s a game that has already inspired developers to start working on adding similar concepts to their games, and this could very well be looked back at as a seminal title years down the line. It’s been a fantastic year for video games, but nothing could compete with the thrill of trying to earn a chicken dinner in PUBG in 2017.

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