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utilitycaster · 4 years

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Theory

The moon video is actually an elaborate fake-out designed to both offload old stock and drum up sales for Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything, and indeed, other WoTC books.

Consider:

“Understanding”, and I use the word loosely, the moon video and its many flaws is made much easier by the possession of a 5e DM’s guide (information about the Astral Plane), The Explorer’s Guide to Wildemount (information about the Exandria setting), the Monster Manual (information about canonical creatures), and the Player’s Handbook (information about how playable races fundamentally work). While most players probably have some version of the PHB, only a DM necessarily needs the DM’s Guide and the Monster Manual. Meanwhile the Explorer’s Guide to Wildemount has an audience with Critical Role fans already, but it’s still only a few months old; new enough that there’s people out there who haven’t purchased it yet. Also there are people who go on YouTube or Tumblr and watch whatever is trending, apparently, which may represent a small bump in purchases.

WoTC also still sells Spelljammer 2e content (source: DM’s Guild), despite the original Spelljammer setting having been discontinued in 1993 with Planescape, when D&D was still being published by TSR (ie, prior to acquistion by WoTC). There is a market for these PDFs, but a small one. Additionally, several assumptions made by the video can most reliably be addressed with further back editions of D&D books, dating back to the original AD&D. Interest in AD&D from Stranger Things and the population Gen X-ers with children who want to to introduce them to The Version I Played there is a small market for these books, but to really make it worthwhile one would need to expand. Why not pull in at least some of Critical Role’s viewership?

Finally, Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything is slated for release later this year, and was announced not long after the video was posted. Given the hinging of the “argument” on, among other things, outdated understandings of racial traits, what better way to drum up publicity for a book that promises to revisit the unfortunate implications regarding racial traits still in some ways present, though to a far lesser extent, in 5e? What better way to spark an interest in astral and psionic-centric classes such as the seeker and the aberrant mind, previously tested only in Unearthed Arcana than to lead thousands of people to look up the Gith and the Astral Plane?

Anticipated arguments against and rebuttals

1. WoTC is a professional company with a full-fledged media and would do a better job with video editing.

Counterargument: that’s exactly what they want you to think.

2. A quick scan of the Spelljammer wikipedia page indicates Spelljammer explicitly takes place entirely on the material plane (with sundry demiplanes). Given the repeated references to the Astral plane, divine gate, etc. and the fact that we know canonically that extraplanar travel is possible within Exandria, as well as deep and fundamental differences between 2e and 5e wouldn’t it seem that the Spelljammer setting would need to be so altered to fit into the setting of Exandria that you would end up with a sort of Theseus’s ship paradox re: the mythology, and anyway if you can figure this out from five minutes on Wikipedia, why would you buy a book?

Counterargument: Oh so you believe everything you read on Wikipedia? Next thing you’ll tell me is you believe anything you watch on YouTube.

3. Okay so let’s say I believe your premise. Will this really sell that many more books? Pirating D&D PDFs is as much a right of passage for some as slaying a dragon, or seducing an enemy, or creating 7 different characters solely because you couldn’t decide on a color for your tiefling warlock and you spiraled and came to 5 hours later with one of each. Will real people with real money spend it on a book in a system 99% of them do not know that’s like “well we needed a name for Orcs but Space so we just flipped around the word ‘orcs’ and then we drank so much beer the other Wisconsinites at Lake Geneva were impressed, which is saying something”?

Counterargument: actually you have a point. Let’s consider. Most of these books, especially past editions, are PDFs anyway. So it makes sense to have a repository of them. Perhaps an online D&D app. Wait. There is one. It’s called D&D Beyond. Critical Role is sponsored by D&D Beyond. This is an ouroboros of a publicity stunt. But who would come up with such a strange, labor-intensive, and convoluted ad campaign? That’s ridiculous! That’s never happened on Critical -

oh. oh my god. this goes so much further than that. The only possible answer is that Sam Riegel...

is from the moon.

#and that's how you play the college of satire subclass #your fun is wrong #critical role

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onceuponatimewithhaleigh · 4 years

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Time to catch up!

I'm so sorry I kinda vanished! Well, I didn't kind of vanish. I straight poofed. So I'm going to catch you guys up on what's happened since the start of August. Quite a lot has gone on, and I needed to kinda - I don't really know? Mentally I was just gone. Like August happened? I don't remember it. But anyhow here we go!

My Skin Spot:

Not cancer! My doctor so politely told me "Sometimes spots just pop up as we... get older." So. Guess I'm just gonna have some serious blemishes the older I get. Haha! I mean, not going to lie, I'm salty about it. But I'd rather be 'getting old' than have cancer. So that's all good!

Meeting with Dr. Lak:

Doctor Lak is my future surgeon for my gastric bypass. She's really really nice. Super friendly and super supportive. She got me all setup - so I have a slue of appointments made. Due to my insurance, I have to see a dietitian for six months consecutively before I can have the surgery. I also have to pass a nicotine test. So - I have to quit smoking ASAP. Which, I need to anyhow. (more on my smoking at the end lol) but overall she was absolutely fantastic!

College(Part One):

Before classes started I talked to my amazing Academic Advisor, Kathrine - and I told her some of my interests and my plans for after college. And we both kinda poked around at my minoring in Photography. To me, that wasn't really enough, so I am now a double major!

OBGYN:

I haven't said anything here, but I have plans in becoming a mother as soon as my health permits. Now I am not in a relationship, nor do I plan to be. I want to be a single mother. Some people think I'm absolutely bat-shit crazy for that. But I think, for me that is the best thing. I have an extremely supportive family, and I have zero doubt in my mind that my child will be loved as much and so much more than they'd ever possibly need! The issue here was A. my weight. B. my family has a history of fertility issues. C. I have PCOS. D. I don't have a partner haha, Kinda need two to tango ;) That all being said, I had mentioned this to my OBGYN, who retired randomly on me in March(with no notice - canceled pre-existing appointments, and with no doctors accepting new patients). I had been telling him about bad pains I'd been having for a while, and he never really listened to me or made any move to investigate. I did my own research, as well as spoke to people about it - and thought I may have Endometriosis. I brought my thoughts to him. He shrugged and said "That's probably it." and made Z E R O effort to figure it out. After three months of pain being horrible to the point sometimes when I was driving, I'd have a flare-up and I'd have to pull over because the pain was so bad I couldn't breathe or see. Then he retired. Then there were no doctors accepting anyone new. So. FINALLY - August 10th I get into a new OBGYN, Dr. Curtis. The first impression was "dudes young and super hip this is gonna be weird..." I'm weird when it comes to doctors, but doctors messing around down there I'm even weirder LOL. I feel like if my OB was a woman there's some weird competition 'Mines prettier...' I have no idea don't judge me xD I told him my wants and things and he told me sadly some older doctors just don't care. they're very black and white. And he was spot on. He told me I probably don't have endometriosis. Put me back on birth control, told me to have the gastric surgery, and then he'd get me in for an exam, and he'd get me to a fertility clinic. He supported me 100% in wanting to become a single mother. He did say that I was the youngest he'd ever seen himself, but he had no issues moving forward with me doing that. Told me a year after surgery, he'd get me to a clinic and we'd get me a baby xD

Dietitian:

My dietitian's name is Andrea, and guys, I love her. She is so goofy as scatterbrained it makes me giggle! I learned a lot during that call though! (all my appointments with gastric have been on the computer/phone) So, this hospital does post-surgery stuff differently than any others in the area, and they've found it's got the best results. So after surgery, I'd usually be on a liquid diet for 6 weeks. Which is standard. Nope! Not here! After surgery, I'll be on a pure protein diet. Not shakes- PUREAED MEAT. How gross right? Meat slushie anyone? Gag lol She goes "Everyone seems to love the pureed eggs" and I literally gagged in the call xD This is gonna be the death of me. Another thing that had me completely shook was that with a stomach the size of an EGG after surgery, I still have to drink 64oz of water a day. She said I can only drink 2oz at a time. So I basically have to take a shot of water every 10 minutes ALL DAY LONG. But! I can't drink anything at all for 30 minutes BEFORE I eat, I can't drink WHILE EATING(which I have to eat 3/4 a cup over 45 minutes-_-), and I can't drink shit for 30 minutes AFTER I eat. So. This shit's gonna be wild man. I'm excited but anxious as hell. And for the rest of my life, I'll be taking vitamin supplements.

Weight:

Currently, my weight is 417lbs

College(Part Two):

So. Friday(Aug. 28th) before the term starts, I have a massive breakdown. That Monday the first week the course was available to look at. We could submit anything, but we could go in and do the work and submit it later. Well. I got in there in my Introduction to Liberal Arts(IDS-100), and boooyyy did I overreact. :) I freaked out. I got overwhelmed because my IDS-100 professor is a very longwinded man. The email I had gotten made everything seem way way more complicated than necessary. And I basically went into spiral mode.

'is a college education reallllyyyy that important?'

'What's the point?'

'I'm gonna fail anyhow, so why try?'

'My family will think I'm a failure...'

'I shouldn't even try, so I don't fail.'

A whole slue of shit thoughts went through my head, and I took it, man. That little demon in my brain just bitching "Never good enough. Not smart enough! Failure." And I sat there and took it like a little bitch. I got so bad I called my advisor, Good ole Kathrine, and LUCKY FOR ME; she was busy and didn't answer. I had the ability to talk to another advisor, but I didn't wanna sob into a stranger's ear so LOL. I called my dad when I was balls deep into a panic attack, and he came down and talked me out of it, and then told me he'd sit with me when I do classwork so he can help if I need it. Which, It's not really that I need help, I was worried about my comprehension of the information I read in class. Because I'm a very visual learner and one of those that talks shit out. And being online, I'm alone in my room so uh lol But yeah. He talked me down, got me all calmed down. Then the next day, my advisor called and asked why I'd called and she apologized for not being available and I laughed and told her straight "It's better you were busy, Cause I'd have dropped out." and she was shocked. Told her all of what happened and what was going on in my head and she told me she was gonna set up weekly appointments with me after each module opens. a new module opens every Monday. and she said she was gonna call me every Tuesday. I went on a spiel about how I feel ridiculous cause I'm being a burden. And she squashed that thought hella fast. So long story short. I am so blessed to have a support system between my dad and my wonderful advisor Kathrine. Lol

Boooo:

I gained a new allergy and lost an old one. I have no idea how that worked. But. No longer allergic to Soy. But now have a TERRIBLE reaction to all dairy products... Which fuckin blows because I live in Wisconsin, and I L O V E cheese. -_- Cheese hates me. :(BYE GUYS!

Whoops!

Forgot about the smoking bit, this is an Edit lmao Basically - TOTALLY thought I could drop smoking cold turkey cause that's how I'd done it every time I'd quit smoking before. Welp. Not this time :) I was a raging bitch, and a HORRIBLE migraine that was so bad I couldn't do ANYTHING. And to top it all off, I had a panic attack lol So. It's the time of year I usually start to quit anyhow. I'm so weird. I'm a seasonal smoker. Living in Wisconsin I am NOT keen on smoking in below zero temperatures in winter. I'd like to keep my fingers. This year I started smoking earlier than usual because I was out of state where freezing winter temperatures were a minimum of like, 37*F and I'm like *cackles in Wisconsinite* CHILDS PLAY!!! So, I started smoking again in December lol Anyway, now- my dad's in control of my smokes. He gives me my daily allowance in a ziplock bag which made me laugh so fucking hard because just like I actually said to him "I feel like you're my dealer and I'm sneaking something naughty!" lol Right now I'm aloud 10 a day. Which is probably 3-5 less than I usually smoke a day. So. I'm kinda feeling it. But my dads controlling them. So this should be fun. :) That's all! Bye guys!

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bibliophilicwitch · 5 years

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Turkish Tea, Butter Tea, Kombucha! 🍵

Turkish tea: What is your favourite cake?

Honestly, I’m more likely to go for pie over cake any day (I know, what kind of ace am I??), but the recipes I have pinned and saved online and off are things like lemon and lemon blueberry or other light fruit flavors with real fruit in the recipe.

Butter tea: Show / Tell me about one thing in your room you find awesome.

So by room I assumed bedroom, but I realized since I have my own apartment, it may actually indicate my space in general? I’m going to stick to my bedroom to help me narrow it down lol.

Going to have to go with my bed. I recently bought myself a new frame and a basic mattress and I love being lazy on weekends and just hanging out in my room.

Kombucha: What do you order on a pizza?

I’m also not a big fan of pizza? I think I had it too often as a kid or something? Anyways, even though I am a cheese loving Wisconsinite I cannot have extra cheese as it get too greasy and I can’t stand the taste. I like just about anything else though. I will order myself Canadian bacon and pineapple and also enjoy a good everything. I’ve had some amazing BLT pizzas too that I am now craving. Thanks! lmao

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petits--oiseaux · 5 years

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Tonight I made vegan crunchwraps!

I wanted to find the recipe post that I swear I reblogged, but I can't find it. So here is the link: https://pinchofyum.com/vegan-crunchwrap

I also apparently didn't save the photos that I took during the cooking process, but I made a fun gif of the cashew queso being processed and the after photos to see the results!

This was SO yummy and I highly recommend. This was my first time working with tofu and my second time ever trying it. Aside from the texture, which can easily be gotten used to, the flavors were great. And once it was in the wrap and eaten with the tortilla you had no idea it was anything but a regular crunch wrap!

I wish the queso was, well, more queso-y but I guess that's the Wisconsinite in me who just wants creamy cheese lol it was still good, though! It was a bit too cashewy at first, but then I added a chipotle pepper and it gave it the spice it needed. Next time I'll either use less cashews (plus this made a TON of sauce anyway) or maybe add another can of green chiles.

Overall I'd give this recipe a 7.5/10 and we'll definitely have it on our menu again!

#vegan recipe #pinch of yum #healthy recipes #health

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shirlleycoyle · 4 years

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Meet The Redditors Using Astral Projection to Escape Quarantine

Late last year, the internet was crackling with plans to stage a million-strong raid on the supposed alien stronghold, Area 51. Now, with the COVID-19 pandemic forcing everyone to quarantine at home, venturing farther than the local park seems like a dream from a lost reality.

But what if there was a way to explore our planet that didn't put us in harm's way and was more stimulating than scrolling through Google Earth? And what if, while we were at it, we could storm Area 51 too?

According to a group of paranormal enthusiasts on Reddit, astral projection could be the vehicle we need.

Falling somewhere between a lucid dream and a near-death experience, astral projection is the sensation of separating from your physical self, keeping your mind awake while your body is asleep. Early records of the practice trace back to the Roman Empire. Experiences feel profound, and astral travelers have even claimed to learn things they otherwise couldn't have known.

Today, thousands of practitioners not only trade success stories for consciousness-expanding cosmic exploration, but have built a network to share techniques for traversing time and space using a toolkit available to everyone—the human mind.

Reddit's /R/AstralArmy is a focal point for the psychically curious to embark on out-of-body “missions” to off-limits locations, including military bases, Wuhan, the Pentagon, and supposed hives of paranormal activity like Skinwalker Ranch. The idea is intriguing: if you could go anywhere at all, what secrets could you learn?

A nineteen-year-old Wisconsinite who goes by Commander XXX told Motherboard via voice call that he started the subreddit (motto: “projection for protection”) because he was intrigued by the possibilities of group astral projection.

Here's how he says it works: the traveller creates an “astral scape” by visualizing a location in great detail. How do you visualize somewhere you've never been? Well, you use your imagination.

Then, you connect this visualization to a “sigil,” an occult symbol that is energized with a certain intent. By meditating on this sigil and recalling it in the out-of-body state, you can use it as a shortcut to the desired location, mirroring fast-travel in a video game. There's even a sigil for hanging out together, like an astral group DM.

There is a long history of out-of-body experiences (or OBEs) as religious events, with biblical explanations concerning the soul, or more recently, 19th-century new-age spiritualism. Today, there's reams of discussion on faith forums about whether astral projection is real, allowed within a religious framework, or simply total nonsense.

One group that took OBEs seriously was the US government’s Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA).

In 1995, the CIA declassified details of the DIA's nearly two decades of psychic research, the $20 million Stargate Project. From 1978, the program investigated the potential for psychic spying during the Cold War. Some of the wildest accounts of “remote viewing” entail visiting civilizations inhabiting the red rocks of Mars.

Skeptics ultimately lambasted the project. But the archive continues to fascinate parapsychology researchers, and clearly inspires Reddit's astral travelers.

"Most people are pretty basic astral projectors," Commander said, amid a baffling explanation that their missions are not necessarily representative of physical locations, but could be muddied by the interplay of how thoughts impact reality. His argument is that you never know if anything is objectively true anyway, a concept about competing forms of perception that is not as far-fetched as it first appears.

"We choose to believe what we want to believe for the most part," he said. "I don't think astral projection is any less a question of being real, as the physical."

Some of the Redditors who had claimed to infiltrate the Pentagon or the White House reported running up against barriers that prevented them from exploring further, feeling physically drained, or in one case, encountering astral Green Beret-esque guards.

Others made even more extraordinary claims, including encountering a moon base protected by a gigantic bubble, and speaking to nautical folk legend Davy Jones aboard the ghost ship, The Flying Dutchman—a conjoining of myths pioneered by The Pirates of the Caribbean. Some of this, I felt, stretched the realms of believability, and I wondered if this was an elaborate form of crowdsourced role-playing.

But the group isn’t setting out to convince anyone, including me: they just wanted to discuss their experiments in consciousness undisturbed. Commander didn't care whether people believed, and would rather mainstream science did not investigate.

Some scientists are interested in out-of-body experiences, however.

Jane Aspell, a cognitive neuroscientist at Cambridge's Anglia Ruskin University, told Motherboard that one of the first studies was led by Olaf Blanke, who sought to determine whether people who had undergone these experiences had anything in common—say, brain damage.

Blanke discovered a shared abnormality among five patients—four with epilepsy, and one who suffered frequent migraines—in the temporal parietal junction (TPJ), a part of the brain which deals with cognitive function and perception.

Suggesting a link between the TPJ and OBEs is a 2007 paper about a 63-year-old man who had intractable tinnitus and was implanted with electrodes to alleviate his condition. Instead, the researchers found they were able to consistently induce OBEs in the patient by stimulating these regions with the electrodes.

But the very nature of OBEs—that they tend to occur erratically, if at all—means they're incredibly difficult to study in a lab.

"We think this area is not functioning correctly, either because of damage, epilepsy, migraine, a stroke—or all kinds of reasons," said Aspell. "Or by stimulating it you can cause it to behave abnormally, so any kind of abnormal activity in this area can give rise to an out-of-body experience."

Whatever is happening, there's still much that's unknown.

"What they see can be very detailed," said Aspell. "They can see objects in the room, maybe people in the room, and obviously they're not really seeing it from there. But what's in this person's brain knows what's in the room because they've looked at it at some point. The brain is somehow reconstructing how that room would look from above. It's as if you had to draw a picture of your office or your bedroom for a bird's eye view—you could do that mental transformation consciously.”

"The brain is able to do it spontaneously, in a very rich and vivid way. We don't know how that can happen," she added.

Astral projection has never been proven in a scientifically controlled way, but Aspell doesn't think most experiencers are lying.

"They're as old as humanity, I think," she said, adding they may not even be limited to our species—chimpanzees might be having them too.

There's also a proposed link between quantum physics and consciousness. While perhaps the most famous OBEr in science, Dr Susan Blackmore, has put distance between her own experiences and these theories, the ideas persist.

Anthony Peake, who authored The Out Of Body Experience: The History and Science of Astral Travel, took me on a whirlwind tour of quantum physics, theorizing that entanglement, where particles are innately linked by some special quality, suggests instantaneous communication at a distance could be possible. If every particle that exists has a single source (the Big Bang) can we perhaps tune into "certain information fields non-locally?" Peake suggests maybe this is what happens when we travel out of our bodies.

But Dr Alastair Butcher, author of Super Smart Science: Astrophysics Made Easy, said that although seemingly instantaneous communication occurs between certain particles, there's no way of externally accessing this information. "These phenomena are extraordinary and throw up questions about the nature of quantum mechanics and, therefore, reality itself," Butcher told Motherboard.

"There are many interpretations of quantum mechanics, each with interesting implications. However, they're not currently provable or, more importantly, disprovable,” Butcher continued. “It's tempting to take one and run with it, especially as an explanatory device for something else not fully understood such as consciousness. However, this is an unscientific and in many cases unprovable approach to determining the nature of things."

Clearly, the only way I'd be able to see if there was something to all this would be to try it out myself.

Short of stimulating my TPJ by jamming a q-tip deep into my ear, I would have to rely on tried and tested techniques to astrally say "hiya" to my target: my cat, Zeus, who I'm cruelly separated from at this time.

I had a head start: a decade ago, I started lucid dreaming regularly during a period of insomnia. Being generally anxious, these perturbations spilled into my dreams, so when I reached the buzzing sensation practitioners associate with bodily separation, I would awake in a panic. Rather than roll out of body and into the cosmos, I'd roll out of my bed and onto the floor.

I tried the "Wake Back To Bed Technique" first. You wake up and go back to bed, holding the intent to astrally separate. The “back to bed” part was easy, but that's all that happened for me beyond better dream recall.

Next, I experimented with a technique an /r/AstralArmy mod outlined for me called “half-projection,” which is a little like remote viewing.

Although I could clearly visualize Zeus, I wasn't convinced I really was using some innate psychic ability to grossly impinge upon his privacy. I could easily have been merely imagining the one activity I know he gets up to day in, day out: waiting between refills of his crunchies bowl.

The author's cat Zeus was the first target of astral spying.

I turned to the organization that had perhaps achieved more than any other in popularizing out-of-body experiences, the Monroe Institute, founded by the guy the Simpsons loosely based Dr Marvin Monroe on. Monroe, a former radio executive and author of Journeys Out Of The Body, was mystified by his OBEs, and financed efforts to better understand them, especially with sound design, using himself as a test subject.

He found something called binaural beats could expedite inducing OBEs, and these would be developed into the Institute's patented “Hemi-Sync” meditations.

According to Luigi Sciambarella of the Monroe Institute UK, binaural beats consist of two separate sine waves played independently to each ear. To square the difference, the brain generates a beat frequency of its own.

For example, if you play 100 Hz in your left ear and 104 Hz in the right, the brain cancels the competing sounds and leaves you with a 4 Hz pulse, not actually in the audio file, but generated by the brain.

Sciambarella claims that with practice, listeners can lull themselves into a "mind-awake, body-asleep state" with relative ease after about ten minutes.

Anyone can try a free sampler. You have to pay hundreds of dollars for more, though—or just look on YouTube.

Sciambarella says that other reasons for using the tools could include personal growth or tapping into the creative qualities of the mind. In the same way that “mindfulness” exercises claim to help us pay attention to our waking lives, he believes OBEs can help us pay more attention to our sleeping selves.

Sciambarella says these “mind awake, body asleep states” occur on a spectrum. While we may think of OBEs as peeling away from your physical body, the Institute views them as "moving out of connection with our physical body to different degrees."

Daydreaming—which comprises almost half our waking life, according to researchers at Harvard University—is somewhere on that spectrum, for example. Sciambarella compares it to a familiar car ride: your body operates on autopilot while your mind's elsewhere.

This all made me feel better about my failure to explore moon bases with a lunar sigil. But I still wasn't getting very far.

Sciambarella offered some advice: Start small with visualization exercises where you engage your imagination in easily repeatable actions, like playing with a door handle. Intention is key, too. And relax.

Even with that guidance, I haven't managed to leave my corporeal self behind. While I'm doubtful I'll be exchanging ripostes with Davy Jones soon, my psychic disembodiment efforts have allowed me to reach states of relaxed stupor I hadn't thought possible.

Given the isolated nature of our current reality, there's hardly been a more opportune time for inward reflection. If that leads to outward psychic adventures, well, that's a bonus.

Meet The Redditors Using Astral Projection to Escape Quarantine syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

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theworldaccordingtojess · 6 years

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AmsterDAM THIS CITY IS COOL

Amsterdam—pictures to come when I’m not using bus WiFi.

Two things come to mind about Amsterdam. 1. It is the single most beautiful city I’ve had the pleasure of seeing. I think it’s probably the most beautiful city in the whole world. Idk, maybe that’s premature considering I’ve only seen a few cities on this planet. I feel pretty confident tho. 2. I AM AN ENIGMA. I say that because is every city I travel to, people are never quite sure in what language to speak to me. I’ve gotten French, German, Swedish, Danish, English, Dutch, I mean really..it runs the gambit. Last night I had a conversation with my new Greek friend, Costas. He said he never would have guessed I was American. I don’t look American? I’m not sure what American looks like. He said I look Russian or Nordic, “or something”. Then again, he also thought I looked like an artist so perhaps not the most credible source.

There you have it folks, I’m an ambiguous, amorphous, enigmatic human. Taking on whatever random pale European nationality people are inclined to think of first. Nice.

Anyway, Amsterdam is a BEAUTIFUL city. I definitely could live there among the flocks of bikers and delicious baked goods. They have an odd pride in their cheese that is very lame and endearing—side note, is that what Wisconsinites are like as well?

While in Amsterdam is did the odd museum tour of the city. No, I didn’t visit the Van Gogh museum or the Sex museum or the red light district museum. I visited the tulip museum and the cheese museum. No regrets, they were the most charming little museums and I learned a disturbing amount about the history of cheese and tulips. Highly recommend both of you find yourself in Amsterdam.

I didn’t have any space cakes, mushrooms, acid, or idk whatever else people do while in Amsterdam. I did have Heineken and Amstel though, both were gross and so I guess the Dutch should probably continue to steal all culinary ideas from Belgium like the waffles and fries and chocolate, etc etc etc. my recommendation: stick to the tulips, Netherlands!

I also did not enter any rooms along the red light district but walking it was certainly a surreal experience. The best way I can explain it is like...sex window shopping. The alleys were lined with little rooms, reminiscent of Barbie boxes to be honest, where women in lingerie would be standing or lounging. Each little room had a twin bed, a chair, a TV, a curtain—and a red light marking the outside. People walked from room to room looking at the women, commenting until they found one they liked. It was pretty wild to watch. One Dutch man told me it was as vital to their collective identity and culture as the cheese, tulips, and weed. Odd group of things on which to stake your identity but hey, Tennessee has bbq, tobacco, whiskey, racism, and music so I guess that isn’t a more normal collection of traits.

Most of my time in Amsterdam was spent walking the streets and canals. The weather was fabulous, not too cold, it rained a little each day but not pouring down. I had blue skies often. I enjoyed the little shops and cafes everywhere. There’s a cafe or bar on nearly every corner it seems.

I can’t wait to return in a warmer season to bike all over that city.

I made a Greek friend that invited me to visit Greece or Zurich (where he is doing his PhD) some time. I don’t know if I’ll make it to either this trip, but hopefully the offer will stand into the future!

This morning I visited the Anne Frank house which was a somber and awe-inspiring experience. Now that I’m older than her and Margot at their deaths, being steeped in her words and her world was really impactful. I’m not sure I got as much out of her story when I was younger, and I’m compelled to read her diary again now.

Now, on to Prague. I have a friend that lives just outside of Prague, so I’ll see her at least once which will be really nice. I’ve been dying to go to Prague and I’ll be there just in time to enjoy the amazing Christmas markets—there’s something so special and charming about Europe all decorated for the winter. It’s been a real treat. Fingers crossed I get some snow soon!!

Xoxo,

Jess

P.S. after writing this, my bus was stopped in Germany for a drug search (perks of coming from Amsterdam). I’m not sure why they waited until 4 or 5 stops into our journey as opposed to searching us at the border but word to the wise. Being drug searched in a language you don’t understand with dogs and like 40 other people all standing in a line is quite the experience. GOOD NIGHT, stick a fork in me, I’m doooone!

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frogsandfries · 5 years

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Unpopular opinion time

I don't even know who I'm taking to; I have like a hundred followers to this blog and two-thirds are NOTporn-bots. How many of you actually read my blatherings? Well, maybe I'll find out.

This is something I've been thinking about since I watched a board of professionals in mental and gynecological health on a panel (I may dig up this video for you to refer to). They seemed to be conservative, so of course I was skeptical. A particular line really caught my attention:

Most men who want the gender reassignment surgery like to think of themselves as women when they're being sexual or thinking of themselves sexually. It would appear with the currency that sex and sexuality holds in our culture, this is why these men believe they should be women.

This really struck a chord with me. I don't want to call anyone out, but I interacted with three DMABs in Oregon, and my father has openly wanted to transition for most of my life. At least one other significant DMAB in my life, in Wisconsin, also wanted to transition. I can say specifically my dad and this one in Wisconsin, most of their effeminate expression is rather sexual.

I've been naturally observing my father since I was about eleven, the way I think we all observe our parents. I know to say his effeminate presentation is sexual kind of makes him......a pervert, in a way, because his effeminate presentation has always, on some level, been about getting attention on how good his body looks. Now that I'm an adult, and he's much more open now that he doesn't have to worry about his children being taken away, he loves ("loves" was autocorrected to "lives", which would probably not be inaccurate) to brag about how much sexual attention he gets now that he's very Out.

With the other DMAB Wisconsinite, he was very sexually conservative. I have no way of having gotten into this person's head about which came first: Being conservative about their penchant for effeminate sexual presentation, or being conservative about sex full stop.

Two of the three guys in Oregon, I was not nearly comfortable enough with to get to know their sexual identities; I merely know because it was a passing mention to make a point. The third one, I was little closer. Just a little. Not close enough to know exactly what made them feel effeminate, but close enough to know that they so identified with being a sub, they almost couldn't separate their identity from being submissive. I have a pretty strong feeling that being "naturally" submissive was just how they dealt with their father.

So to get to my point, I'm sure you've already come to the easy conclusion that I probably mostly agree with this panel. I really ought to dig up this video and research the credentials of these panelists.

However, a deeper conclusion that I want to come to is that I think, if our species makes it another couple centuries, and we make advances in breaking down gender roles and gender dichotomy, we'll look back at delayed puberty, HRT, and gender reassignment surgery with the same horror that you and I look back at lobotomies and cringe the same ways we should cringe when we use words like "n****r" "r****d" and "m****l" to describe people who are not cishet, white, neurotypical, and physically typical.

I don't think there's anything wrong with men who fantasize about being women. I think in another, better time, these men would never dream of mutilating their bodies to fit a very narrow perspective. I think it goes without saying, but I will spell it out anyway. I think the same thing applies for women who want to change their bodies. I don't think there's anything wrong with women who fantasize about being men. I also think in another, better time, these women would never dream of mutilating their bodies.

The panelist's words on this also spoke to me. She said these girls have gone through events in their lives that make them believe being a man would be better. I don't have any anecdotal evidence to connect to this. I've fantasized about being a man sexually; digging around down there has GOT to be so much harder than just..... y'know, taking it in hand. I would never in a million years give up the female orgasm. Can I just tell you--okay, I'll keep it above board: If you, the proud owner of a clit have never had an orgasm, if you've never done anything like kept going when you think you're done, if you're thighs have never trembled with pleasure, if you've never needed to vocalize no matter how hard you're trying to be silent.

You aren't using it right and you're doing yourself a disservice.

That's a tangent.

The point is more, I'm just one person, but the reason I personally identify as more gender neutral is that I don't feel like I particularly fit into the definition of being a woman. I'm just one person, but the reason I resent my breasts is that the woman who gave birth to me shamed me mercilessly and cruelly about them. I am confident that if I hadn't received such treatment, I would feel much more confident in my body and perhaps a little more cisgender.

That's probably a secondary reason this woman's words struck me so strongly.

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toddkelly2 · 6 years

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Fall Crunch Time

Mason Crosby

Crunch Time

By: Chris Carns

On any given fall Sunday in Wisconsin (and across Packer Nation everywhere), it can happen. “It” is the moment when all green and gold faithful take a collective breath and a pause from whatever it is they are doing-THIS IS IMPORTANT. Eating and drinking stop, plates are held in mid-air, and silence is golden… the pressure is tangible as it emanates from 1265 Lombardi Ave in Green Bay…3 clicks left on the clock, the stadium is packed but is eerily silent…

All we need is a good snap, a good hold, and a good kick. The outcome falls on ‘ol number 2. Mason Crosby stands tall in the middle of the field, takes a hard look toward the back of the end zone, lines it up with his right hand, takes 3 steps back-and two to the left. With a confident nod, he’s set.

Snap. Hold. “Thunk!” End over end, sailing straight and true-

“Packers Win! Packers Win! Packers Win!”

We Packer fans, bleeding green and gold, have felt, heard, and witnessed that familiar scenario for the past 11 years as dedicated Packer fans. Mason Crosby has been our “go-to” in crunch time as the Packer kicker and we have all been fortunate to have such a consistent and confident presence when it comes down to “The Kick” to close out an opponent. Not only has Crosby been, and will be for the foreseeable future-lights out when it comes to sneaking out games for the Pack, he (like many fans) is a lifelong sportsman both on the water and in the woods.

Crosby began his love for the outdoors at a very young age growing up in Texas. He told us, “I grew up in Texas and got my first BB gun when I was about 6 or 7. I used to go all over the yard and chase after anything I could. I used to drive my parents crazy with that BB gun.” Much of Crosby’s love for the outdoors, similar to many Wisconsinites, came from both his dad and Grandfather Hayles or “Papa” as Crosby grew up calling him.

Crosby spent a lot of time fishing on the lake at his grandparents. The funny thing he told us about the time he spent there is, “…I never saw my grandpa catch a fish. I mean, we fished together A LOT and every time we went, me, my brother, my sister, we all caught fish-whether it was catfish, bass, panfish, whatever-we were all catching ‘em and he never caught a thing. And, it wasn’t like he wasn’t trying-he just never caught anything. That is one really crazy memory I have of fishing with Papa. He never did get mad or frustrated-I just don’t remember him ever catching ANYTHING.” It is a good thing for us Packer fans that Grandpa’s bad luck ended with him and didn’t rub off on Mason.

Growing up, Crosby also spent numerous hours in the woods with his dad and younger brother, Rees, hunting. Most of the hunting was for whitetails. His first deer hunt with his dad, while successful, was an eye opener for Crosby. As the story goes, “We were headed out to the stand, pretty early in the morning. Of course, I’m about 10 or 11 so I am excited, nervous, fidgety all of that stuff you would expect. So, we are walking down this road heading out to the stand, being quiet and taking our time when…out steps this deer-to me a MONSTER, but was really about a 6 point… just down the road in front of us. All the sudden, WHAM, there he is.”

So, my dad says, “Are you ready?”

“I think I may have nodded or grunted or something, I’m not sure. I raised up my gun and you can imagine how steady that was? Free hand, the gun was going up, down, to the side and all over the place. ‘Buck Fever.’ I was soooo unsteady and really all over the place. My dad put his hand on my shoulder and said, ‘It’s ok, just breathe.’ After that, I shot. But who knows where that bullet went? I must have missed by at least 10 feet. My dad told me, ‘It’s ok.’ But I was miserable. Just crushed. I thought that was it. ‘Buck Fever.’”

We are pretty sure that just about every deer hunter can sympathize with what Crosby went through on that morning.

But all wasn’t lost that day. The story continues… “So, we finally get to the stand and I am pretty bummed. I mean, that was my chance. We’re sitting there, it’s quiet, and I am not really thinking about too much, feeling overall pretty crushed when my ears perk up and I hear something moving… crunch, crunch, crunch… I look hard-and unbelievably, there is a deer moving toward us. It is a nice deer about a 6 or 7 pointer. Here it comes again, my heart racing, I start trembling and all of the sudden I am FREEZING which is absurd-I mean this is Texas, so it isn’t cold by any means. It’s probably 55 or 60 degrees. ‘Buck Fever’ again…. So, my dad leans over, tells me, ‘just breathe’ but I was frozen. I couldn’t do it. My dad realized what was happening, so he took the shot-and we did get the deer.”

“So, now I am thinking, that has to be it. I mean, what are the odds ANOTHER deer will come by? That’s two in one day. But, that’s what happened. Unbelievably, about an hour or so later I hear something. Something is moving through the trees. I can’t believe it. It is a nice 7-point buck. I tell myself, ‘just calm down.’ And my dad tells me, ‘You got this.’ Now, that was just the boost of confidence I needed. He motioned for me to lay my gun across the rail for a rest and steady the gun into my shoulder so I would make a good shot. I took a breath. Breathed out and BOOM!”

“The deer didn’t go too far, maybe seventy-five yards. We pretty much knew I got it but we waited about 30 minutes or so anyway.”

“That was an unbelievable day. I went from twice thinking I totally blew it, to being on top of the world. I have always loved to be in the outdoors whether hunting, fishing, hiking or whatever and that was for sure one day I will never forget.”

We asked Crosby to compare the adrenaline rush of that moment hunting to being a kicker in the NFL. Crosby said, “Yeah, it is very similar. It’s about being in that moment. Both of the two are really surreal moments and you have to be locked in for both of them. In both cases, I have to be totally in that moment. When I line up for a kick, I am ‘inside my facemask.’ Everything outside doesn’t matter and I block it out. I go through my routine, take my steps back and to the left, breathe, and then I tell myself, ‘just go.’ And I go. It is all in that moment. Especially when I know I have to execute on an important kick. It is just about being in that moment, focused and locked in.”

So, there are really quite a bit of similar aspects to being in the moment of a game deciding or momentum changing kick for the Packers and being locked in to that moment when a hunter has to execute a clean and accurate shot on an animal. Both surreal moments that take clear focus, steadiness, and being “locked in.”

Crosby went on to mention that there are a number of guys on the Packers who also love to fish and hunt-which of course is perfectly fitting for our state. As Crosby said, “It’s good to have guys on the team with like interests. I just makes things a lot more fun and easy to be around.”

Crosby mentioned a successful trip out West elk hunting with Jordy Nelson and swapping stories with Jeff Janis. Seems that he does like to give Janis a hard time as he told us that Janis puts trail cams up all over the place and is constantly looking at pictures. Crosby noted, “I think he puts one on every tree in his neighborhood and backyard. He’s got ‘em all over the place. The guy just loves it.”

Being that Crosby is from Texas and is pretty busy during the season, he hasn’t had as much time as he would like to enjoy the outdoors in Wisconsin. But, he has gone out a few times on Lake Michigan with both friends and family and has gotten out bowhunting on occasion during his time here. He also let us know that he has a strong interest in, “Catching a musky. Those things are HUGE! That is one fish I would love to get after some time.” We wish him well on the fish of 10,000 casts, and we hope his arm is as strong as his leg.

As a Packer, Crosby’s time here started in 2007 when he took over for Dave Rayner. He came in from Colorado as the third of three picks that the Packers had in the sixth round. As Crosby recalls, “I was home with family and friends in Texas watching the draft. I didn’t know when, where, or if I was going to be drafted. But, I was hopeful. The phone rings and it’s Mike Stock who was the Special Teams coach at the time. This was really out of the blue as I didn’t think I was even on the Packers’ radar. I couldn’t believe it when he told me the Packers were going to take me with the third pick they had in round 6. It was an unbelievable feeling. It was, to that point, the coolest moment in my life. Everybody looked at me and my brother Rees, who was and is a huge Packer fan, ran and grabbed his Packer gear. He was totally pumped for me.”

Crosby expressed clear gratitude for all of his friends and family; his wife, Molly, and kids, Nolan, Charlotte, Elizabeth, and twins, Felicity and Christine, and parents, Jim and Karen, sister, Ashley, and brother, Rees, who are very important to him and who have stood by him through thick and thin. He can appreciate how fortunate he has been with his career and having people around him to share it with. It is impressive to hear and see in him the understanding and value he has with what he is doing and the joy in being able to share it with those people that are closest to him. Having the ability to live in the moment and understand that what he has is truly unique and not something to be taken for granted is clearly an important aspect of who Mason Crosby is.

While being able to see his good fortune, Crosby has had some rather funny experiences and observations during his time as a Packer in Green Bay. He relayed to us how sometimes just going to the store can be an experience. Crosby noted that, “For the most part, Packer fans and people in Green Bay are really very respectful of him and his family and don’t really give him too much unwanted attention when he is out in the community.” But, there was an incident while he was out grocery shopping during training camp that was humorous.

“So, I am walking around Festival Foods shopping which is really usually not any big deal. Fans see players out regularly so they have become accustomed to us being out in the area. But there was one time I was out that was kind of funny. I see this family seemingly in awe from around a corner almost like they are in shock. They continue to peek around corners and kind of hide which is weird. This goes on for a while. And then they seem to be trailing behind me. I hear a lot of whispering and it’s really just kind of creepy. But, after awhile, it wasn’t too tough to figure what was going on. I say, ‘Hey. Come on over.’ I say hello, give some autographs and pictures and it’s all fine. Turns out they were in town to watch practice and were surprised to see a Packer player at the store. So, not really a big deal but kind of funny the feeling of being stalked during the day at the grocery store.”

One important lesson that Crosby learned early on in his career relates to his clothing choices in Green Bay. It really boils down to two options, “…well what I have come to understand, and it didn’t take me too long, is that if you go out to a nice place like a restaurant, country club or formal dinner reception- you can either dress up with you know-a button down type shirt, tie, dress pants, sport coat, or… wear Packer clothes. Either one is acceptable.”

Crosby did tell us what separates Packer fans from other football fans in different cities. He told us, “Packer fans are really knowledgeable about the game of football. I mean, they love their team and truly see the importance of having them in Green Bay. But, they are really different in that they don’t just come to the game screaming, making noise, being rude and being obnoxious. I mean, Packer fans cheer and cheer loud, they get Lambeau really going, but they also really know what is happening on the field. They are just much more in tune with the game of football and really appreciate what they have here in Green Bay. There is a cohesive feel between the fans and the team that just isn’t the same in other places.” Smart, dedicated, and connected to the team, sounds about right.

Mason Crosby, avid outdoorsman, dedicated family man, and the all-time leader in points scored for the Packers has overcome hurdles and has accomplished much success as a Packer player. He, like many of his teammates, is also very involved in a number of charities and fundraising events. And we, as fans, are very fortunate that he was selected by the Packers in 2007. We look forward to many more “crunch time” successes and Lombardi Trophies throughout his career with the Packers. GO PACK GO!!

The post Fall Crunch Time appeared first on Morning Moss.

from Morning Moss http://morningmoss.com/fall-crunch-time/

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derosa-wanderings · 7 years

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On being alert and vigilant:

After our stay in Vail, we actually ended up returning to Denver for one more night. We hadn’t planned on it, but I found out that there was a Future Islands concert not far from Jess’s place on Friday. T and I both really enjoy their music, so we bought tickets and made a plan to come back and go with Jess and Kyle.

After we got to Jess and Kyle’s, we all slowly got ready to head out and had a few drinks. (Not that I have to justify it, but I think we “pre-gamed” a bit more than we normally would because it turns out a shitty light beer would run us $15 at the show, and we’re economical n shit.) Jess and Kyle suggested we go to a bar right across from the venue as we had plenty of time before the opener even went on.

We walked into a funky little bar with no windows, names signed all over the ceiling, and funky artwork all around. It felt a lot like the Joynt (a favorite bar of ours back in Eau Claire) and we felt at ease pretty quickly. T grabbed us a couple beers while I ran to the bathroom, and when I got back, I watched the drinks while he took a turn at the loo.

I stood at the bar, chatting with Jess and Kyle, sipping my beer, keeping my hand on T’s beer, which was sitting on the bar in front of us, taking in the night crowd. It was a chill place. I was feeling good. T came back from the bathroom, finished most of his beer and then passed it off on me, and we headed over the venue.

Shortly after we got into the venue, T said he wasn’t feeling great. It was already pretty busy, and we both are sometimes subject to crowd-induced anxiety, so I figured it was just that, told him to go find a quiet corner till he felt better, and continued to enjoy the opening group.

Time passed.

It seemed like T had been gone for a long time.

Jess kept asking if I was sure he was okay, and my “yes” kept getting weaker.

Finally I borrowed her phone and shot him a text: Are you okay?

I waited.

“I need help.”

“I just threw up.”

“Help.”

I rushed up to the corner of the balcony he said he would be at, and found my poor husband covered in vomit down his shirt and pants. It was disturbing, and if you know T, you know why: This dude is a Wisconsinite in the truest form of the word.

Did he drink his whiskey a bit quick before we headed out? Yes.

Had he eaten 1/2 a 420 chocolate before heading out? Well, yeah.

But this was nothing to worry for. I had seen him drink much, much more, and I have never seen him get sick, and very seldom even get so drunk he can’t talk coherently. Like I said, WISCONSINITE. T can handle his liquor.

I made him throw away two of his favorite shirts (a painful request to make, and a more painful act to see him complete...he loved those goddamn shirts), brought him to the bathroom, and asked him to go in, clean up as best he could and meet me back at by the nearby exit.

He was constantly apologizing, he wanted to stay for the show so bad, but it was really clear that was not. happening.

We left, we messaged our friends, and then we sat.

He could hardly move, let alone drink water or walk back to their place.

We eventually caught an Uber back, and shortly after we arrived Tony said he felt a bit better and promptly passed out on the couch.

For a day or so, he chalked it up to not smoking marijuana frequently, perhaps drinking a bit too much, just a bad combination.

But it seemed so weird, it didn’t sit right, and finally the next day when we headed out on the road, my poor husband hanging his head like a wet puppy, I finally told him what I had been thinking since it all unfolded:

“Do you think you could have been drugged?”

It took awhile for him to come around to the idea, but I had my hand on his beer for quite a bit, but no eye on it. I had never known him to get sick from drinking and especially considering the amount he drank, it really didn’t make sense. He finally put in his data into a BAC calculator....it came out to .08. Not only that but this whole following day he felt horrible, like he had a bad hangover.

Of course, we have no way of knowing if he was drugged or not. He very well could have just had some bad leftovers or a bad reaction to the edible, but seeing as he has a stomach of steel and had been intermittently enjoying both smoking and eating edibles in comparable amounts...we both are pretty convinced that he was drugged (or rather, someone tried to drug me and ended up making my poor husband super sick instead).

So while it seems obvious, while it seems like we have all heard it a million times before, keep your drink safe! This is not something isolated to big cities either (although being in an unfamiliar and busy environment certainly didn’t help...). We both have had several friends given drugs like this in Eau Claire and even in small towns in WI. It. happens. everywhere.

I also think that I want to add a lil something in addition to this...

I don’t think that Tony would have had to go through this situation if not for the fact that he had me with him. I’ve read a lot of travel blogs, some by women, that insist that there is very little danger to women travelling alone that doesn’t equally apply to men, and I think it’s bullshit. It is dangerous to be a woman alone. It is sometimes dangerous to be a woman in groups. It is dangerous to be a woman around men. It’s a frustrating fact, but a fact nonetheless, and I think that women travelling need to be ten times as vigilant as their male counterparts.

**Side note: I now realize reading it back that my language above wasn’t exactly nuanced enough to allow for gender nonconforming/queer folks. Women, POC, the disabled, and LGBTQ travellers all face added dangers that their able-bodied, white, cis, straight males do not. The one bar I’ve heard about people getting drugged at in Eau Claire is a gay bar. STAY VIGILANT, LOVES.

Anyways, yeah. Denver was a trip...

#travel #safety #date rape drug #future islands #road trip #denver #rape culture #colorado

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akosiberdengutak-blog1 · 7 years

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junker-town · 7 years

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Which NFL player would you name a food after?

It’s the offseason and we’re hungry.

Sports and food are two of the best things in the world. When you combine the names of NFL players with meals, you have a delicious and well-named masterpiece.

SugarFire Smokehouse in St. Louis recently unveiled a burger called the “Reuben Foster.” It is a house burger, with Swiss cheese, sauerkraut hash, pastrami, caramelized onion, and a special sauce. Sounds good, right?

The burger inspired us to make our own creations, naming them after various NFL players, coaches, and even mascots. We apologize in advance for the appetite you’re about to have after reading this post.

Aaron Rodgers: Dairy-free “Kale Mary” smoothie

A year ago, Rodgers fessed up to the biggest cardinal sin any Wisconsinite can commit: He cut dairy from his diet. At the time, he said he did for his health reasons, and his new diet — "more of a vegan diet with some red meat at times and some chicken" — sounded obnoxiously Tom Brady-esque.

Recently, Rodgers clarified that “irritable bowels” is why he really went dairy-free. And man, that stinks for him, but is also a valid reason. No one wants the constant tummy rumbles or runs to the bathroom (or scatological jokes at your expense).

Rodgers’ commitment to watching what he eats as he enters his mid-30s is admirable, though. So let him have his kale and eat it too: add some almond milk, a couple of fruits and vegetables, NFL-regulated protein powder, and voila, the Hail Mary king has his own belly-friendly smoothie.

Matt Ryan: Matty Ice light beer

It’s safe to assume the Falcons quarterback could use a beer after what was a rough Super Bowl LI loss. So what better than a Matty Ice? It’s cool, crisp, and aged a long and painful 25 weeks to perfection.

Tyrann Mathieu: Honey Badger honey cake

Mathieu got his Honey Badger nickname from the animal. Honey badgers are mean as hell and they’ll eat anything. They’re true omnivores. Its formal name, mellivora capensis, means “honey eater of the Cape,” meaning the Cape of Good Hope in South Africa. We also think that Mathieu wouldn’t mind being the eater of the cake that we’re naming after him.

J.J. Watt: 99-Watt energy drink

Watts are a unit of power, and Watt is an explosive and energetic player out on the football field, whether you find it to be genuine or not.

Watt’s drink would be made out of the most ridiculous and stereotypical ingredients that any meathead would have in his smoothie/drink/shake. Raw eggs (with the shells), any mixture of fruit and vegetables, all while being chugged straight out of the blender.

Ezekiel Elliott: Cinnamon Toast Crunch “Feed me” fried ice cream

We know Zeke loves cereal:

Like, probably more than you love your kids:

And we know Cinnamon Toast Crunch has been one of his favorites for years:

Should I eat frosted flakes , fruit loops, or cinnamon toast crunch???

— Ezekiel Elliott (@EzekielElliott) February 5, 2014

No one is ever too old to enjoy a lil CT Crunch, but at a certain age, it becomes less acceptable to chow down on it in public. There’s an easy fix for that, and it’s very Texas: fry it, add some ice cream, and sell it at a food truck.

Myles Garrett: “Myles to go before I sheep” taco

Hopefully Garrett gets the opportunity to open his own Fuego Tortilla Grill franchise in Cleveland. Not only would it be the first location in the Midwest, it’d be Fuego’s first location outside of Texas. And such a milestone deserves its own signature dish. The fresh home-made flour tortilla, chipotle cream corn, and pico de gallo can stay, but Garrett earns the right to be the namesake for Fuego’s lamb taco debut.

Alex Mack: Mackaroni and cheese

Much like the Falcons’ center is the best player along Atlanta’s offensive line, macaroni and cheese is a dependable comfort food. Enjoy it with a nice, cold Matty Ice.

Drew Brees: Dink and Dunkin’ Donut

The Saints’ quarterback is a budding restauranteur, and he’s part of an effort to bring 69 Dunkin’ Donuts stores to Louisiana, which is nice. It’s only fitting that one of the donuts they offer would be named after the guy who brought home the Lombardi Trophy after the 2009 season.

Tom Brady: Super Bowl MVPizza

The closest thing Brady has had to an arch-rival in his unparalleled NFL career is Peyton Manning, a man who brought 30 Papa John’s shops to Denver when he left Indianapolis. Based on their final Super Bowl ring counts, Brady is destined to open 75 of his own gross, artisanal, vegan, gluten-free pizza chains throughout New England.

We already know the four-time Super Bowl MVP marks out for avocado ice cream and has never tasted a strawberry in his life. Brady’s pizza would have the kind of health benefits that allows 39-year-old men to post MVP-caliber seasons. It would also taste like lawn clippings sprinkled over Saltines.

Rob Gronkowski: Gronk’s MonsterClear Brotein shake

Bro. Bro

The perfect way to cool down after a workout and pre-game at the same time is a protein shake mixed with Monster and Everclear.

Glen Coffee: Coffee Americano

His item can’t just be some coffee. And it needs to be stronger than a Caffe Americano. Sure, both will energize you and give you a jumpstart to your day, but Glen’s Coffee Americano would give you more than that, with an extra shot of espresso ... and patriotism.

Coffee retired from the NFL to join the U.S. Army to become a paratrooper. His extra espresso drink will give you the same motivation to do something of greater meaning, as well as the energy to kick some butt while doing it.

Now, he’s making a comeback. Time for some shots!

Andrew Luck: Luck of the Irish oatmeal

It should be no surprise that Andrew Luck is a big fan of oatmeal. Sure, it sounds like it’s the breakfast equivalent of going to the dentist, but that’s only to those too unrefined to realize just how versatile and flavorful oatmeal can be.

But Luck knows. From a 2013 interview with The Indianapolis Star:

Q: You're a sponsor of Quaker Oats. Do you have a favorite oatmeal recipe?

A: "I eat a lot of oatmeal anyway. But every morning, I get an omelet and I get fruit, oatmeal and I put yogurt on my oatmeal, which is sort of weird. But there is this recipe I like with honey roasted maple pecans, bananas (on oatmeal) and that's pretty good. But I don't do that every day. It's too much to do on a daily (basis)."

Now that’s a savory — and healthy — start to the day. Oatmeal will never be the sexiest meal, but whether you use quick, rolled, or steel-cut (aka Irish) oats, it’s always one of the most reliable.

Ben Roethlisberger: Big Bean soup

What, you were thinking a burger? Cliche. Soup isn’t just great, but it also helps you feel better when you’re dealing with the aches and pains of a bad cold. Roethlisberger knows a little bit about aches; he’s missed five starts the past two seasons while playing through injury in the back halves of each year.

Bill O’Brien: Potatoes O’Brien breakfast taco

Breakfast tacos don’t have to be complicated, but the best ones usually offer more than just eggs, cheese, and a tortilla. Bacon, chorizo, brisket, beans if you’re vegetarian, or all of the above if you’re really not; avocado if you don’t want to buy a house one day; and, of course, potatoes.

Throw in some diced peppers and onions, and those potatoes suddenly become Potatoes O’Brien. If that all sounds messy, then it’s perfect for Bill O’Brien. Just look at the quarterback situations he’s had to deal with since becoming the Texans’ head coach.

Vince Wilfork: Wilforkin’ Good Ribs

We’ll let Wilfork explain this one:

Bust a move, barbecue style. You better join me + @Kingsford and #StandWithRibs #Sponsored http://pic.twitter.com/8sn0EdLgFR

— Vince Wilfork (@wilfork75) May 17, 2017

Kirk Cousins: “You Like That?” Early Bird Special

Kirk Cousins used to drive his grandma’s conversion van to his job with the Washington football team and park it among the BMWs and Bentleys. He also thinks staying up until 10:30 is “late.”

It only seems fitting that he’d have an early bird special named after him. Cousins would most certainly like that.

Blue, the Colts mascot: Blue’s berry pie

There’s nothing quite like a wholesome blueberry pie. Blue is arguably the best mascot in the NFL, and might be inclined to throw that pie in your face.

It’s better than him humping it, though.

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