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marvelousmerriment · 5 years

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I just really wanna rant about Aladdin 2019:

(( this is incredibly long with not well thought out sentences because I genuinely just want to rant. Also Grammarly came for my neck and I don’t feel like going through and fixing typos because I’ll rewrite the whole thing))

So for starters, I had really low expectations. I was not excited and have been extremely skeptical since day 1. But I’m not going not see this dumb stuff because I can’t resist being a mindless consumer and I want to have a real opinion.

Arabian Nights opened with such a strong premise, but the sudden cut to introduce the sultan, jasmine, aladdin, and then Jafar at the cave of wonders was SO weirD? Like music video weird? You don’t need to show flashes of the characters to the audience??? We already know what movie we’re watching?

One Jump continues in the realm of twisting the original and flowing out of order? It was a great introduction to Aladdin’s theif ways but the choppy camera work just threw me out of the song. There was a moment where Aladdin and Jasmine are walking hand in hand down an alley and the footage literally FAST FORWARDS to get them on the caravan??? It was just not great. ALSO the freaking “I’d blame parents” scene with the Harem suddenly being a group of girls in school made me laugh!! The whole song was just kind of missing that vibrant feeling of the original and it sacrificed entertainment for realism.

I enjoyed Aladdin & Jasmine getting to know each other and her little white lie. And his sneaking into the castle was cute and felt a little more authentic to the story (vs Jafar lying that he got killed?) but Aladdin saying “Meet me tomorrow night” or whatever and her following up with that just didn’t make any sense??? If Ali/Aladdin wants to keep up the rouse that he was pretending to be a commoner later in the film why would he arrange a second date with this girl. ON TOP OF THAT why would she trust him so much later on if nothing in his stories adds up? So that entire concept just got lost to me.

As expected, introducing the Genie really picks up the film and I enjoyed it a lot. Will Smith was AMAZING and I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed his performance. Friend Like Me was well done and their chemistry was immediately a light at the end of this tunnel. I was smiling and laughing all the way up to the Prince Ali sequence.

Now. Prince Ali. Fabulous He. This song was a mess mess. Aladdin’s immediate discomfort even though he knew nobody would recognize him stole that moment where he could’ve been more excited to be there. The singing was rough, the VERY small ensemble was hilarious....it just kind of sucked. I enjoyed the *finale* of the song and Genie’s change of “heard your princess was a sight lovely to see” - it just fit his characterization and I laughed.

Ali’s introduction highlighted how awkward and unprepared Aladdin was and I liked that. Although Jasmine’s “not a prize to be won” line is so iconic I’m surprised it wasn’t....there? The party was nice - Smith once again stealing the entire show by doing the bare minimum tbh.

Whole New World was exactly what we expected and I was practically indifferent. The lead up with Dahlia/Genie was CUTE. But Jasmine’s interrogation of where his kingdom was didn’t really....make sense if hours later she realizes him and Aladdin are the same? That’s where the writing just started to fall apart for me. Is Jasmine this smart or not? Is she naive or not? Make up your mind and don’t pad your script with these randomly unnecessary “little white lie turned big” challenges.

Following this....the plot started to turn to sand for me. So they skip to the following day to have 1. aladdin‘s near-death second wish 2. Jafar being revealed as evil and being locked up even though he was going to escape? 3. Aladdin reveals to genie he was going to save his last wish (which was the only scene I felt like Mena was acting to a greenscreen???) 4. Aladdin randomly go into the city where he encounters a thief Jafar who has already escaped his obviously unnecessary prison....like what was the point of that padding if it was just going to end in Jafar getting the lamp? That could’ve all stayed in the castle without the dramatics. NIGHT arrives in all this - but then it’s the next day and Jafar has time to rearrange himself dramatically on the throne room steps and a weirdly rehearsed entourage comes in??? Did Aladdin stay at his old home the entire night and not realize he didn’t have the lamp in that entire time? Did it take him a whole evening to get back to the palace? Where was aladdin in all this???

*sigh* Jafar is such a fantastic Disney villain and to see him reduced to this was really rough for me. He gets his sultan-ness, and there’s this padded INCREDIBLY forced scene that leads into Speechless. And then he becomes a sorcerer because why? The guards don’t listen to him anymore? One of the best parts of the original movie is that Jafar is so power hungry he is BOOM wish BOOM wish and then sits on his third. That’s what the Genie meant when he describes “that guy” and the bad things “that guy” does. Making Jafar’s ambitions out to be “I’ll show you guys who’s boss” instead of his original nature was just so boring. The torture of the characters was stupid. The sudden “THEN MARRY ME PRINCESS” came out of nowhere because he showed no signs of being attracted to Jasmine before or thinking himself suitable for her hand. The original highlights how creepy it is that Jafar wants Jasmine to marry him - and that isn’t touched on?? in this version??? You make Jafar younger and arguable more handsome than his source material and you leave out the part where he wants the princess? Okay I guess.

WHICH LEADS ME TO MY NEXT GRIPE: The axe of the slave jasmine scene? Now, we all know that scene isn’t perfect but the message behind it is showing how calculating Jasmine is and how easily tricked Jafar was! If they are making us sit through another time jump where Jafar plans a quick wedding - and Aladdin’s in the artic - you’re telling me that he wouldn’t attempt the “make someone fall in love with you” moment? The entire concept of that original scene is a distraction. Aladdin is coming back and Jasmine is distracting Jafar. The entire concept of Speechless (reprise 2) being imaginary also steals a lot of signifigance from her message. It was just so unecessary. ((I’m also noteably not a fan of Pasek and Paul so I wasn’t expecting much from that song or it’s context))

So they axe that completely, Jasmine just gets to stand there and cry, and then jump off the balcony for a COMPLETELY. USELESS??? LAMP CHASE??? with the SCARIEST CGI MONSTER BIRD EVER?!?! - a whole choppy mess! All this extra expensive CGI carpet chase material that ends in Aladdin/Jasmine crashing, Carpet fucking DYING???, and Jafar with the lamp again. Why???

Following that dumpster fire, I did cry during the genie’s freedom scene because it was very very well done. Will Smith solidified himself as his own version of the genie and I adored that. My only wish is that Jasmine/her dad/Dahlia had been paying attention? It was kind of off that they weren’t. Genie confessing to Dahlia was cute but rushed, followed but the rushed reveal that she was the mother of the children in the beginning and that that was human him. It just felt like “oh god we gotta hurry and finish this because we spent an extra 40 minutes PADDING THIS MOVIE”

Aladdin sneaking away was cute, but waht we didn’t need was someone saying “is that the princess?!” following the ‘nobody’s seen her in years’ plot hole. She was present at the Prince Ali parade where Genie made a direct connection with the Sultan.....anyone could look up and assumet the girl in the NICE DRESS was her? Idk. That’s just me being picky.

The kiss transition was pretty. The final dance scene was very cute and I’d kill to see some fun B roll of that filming because it looked like a lot of fun. It was a sweet ending to a sour film.

I’m critical as hell of these remakes because I don’t see a lot of excuses to straying from basic elements of the source material. This movie is advertised like a remake....so act like it? Padding on padding for extra storylining and moderinizing the classics doesn’t make the film better. You’re delivering a fresh take to THE SAME AUDIENCE + their children. So I just don’t understand the obsession (also shown with BatB) with modernizing every single aspect of the princesses’ story. Belle & Jasmine are already some of the best princess role models predating Tiana. Princesses are special in their own way. A modern woman can relate to Mulan just as much as she relates to Snow White. Creating this “fresh” storyines to appease the ignorant modern audience is just so...boring.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. I’m gonna go watch the original now.

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