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historia-vitae-magistras · 11 months

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Can I get a 20- this is all your fault? I feel fruk in this but would love to see what delicious ideas you have for anyone!

I am so gone. I don't know if this makes sense, but I TRIED. It's been so long since I wrote fruk, and what comes out? fluffy banter-filled Proto-smut. Not full frontal but definitely making out and intent. Rated F for the French (European, affectionate). Warnings for smut, victorian britain fake-prudery, some light dicking about. On ao3 here.

1840s, England

Arthur awoke not to sound but to its absence. The wind seemed to be dying; it no longer howled down the chimney with the force it had when he'd dosed off. He curled into Francis' back for a moment but made himself rise. He got out of bed, pulled on a dressing gown, shoved his feet into his slippers, took up the lamp, and lit it with much swearing. Francis huffed into the pillow and rolled over, looking harassed.

"Rosbif–" He said his voice thickening with irritation. "It is too early!"

"How would you know? You laze about until noon," Arthur shot back. Lately, Francis had been in one of his hedonistic moods, dressing like a dandy, painting strange art and drinking absinthe at all hours. One had to drink quite a lot of absinthe and rather a lot more whiskey to tolerate the philosophy of the continent. Francis stirred again, and his helix curls shone in the lamplight. Francis looked rather a grumpy, flustered state, and Arthur softened just a bit. There was always something so very endearing about Francis when he wasn't terribly sleek and polished. He let the ghost of a laugh whisper out of his mouth as he swooped to kiss the man on his mussed hairline.

"Come back to bed," Francis muttered, leaning in, reaching out, eyes heavy and dark with want and sleep. A slow, sleepy shag before breakfast was clearly on his mind. Francis made one of a number of his French noises, this one horny and perhaps a bit cold.

"I'm only off to the loo," Arthur lied. He fully intended to start his day. Francis muttered something about how he didn't fancy freezing to death in frozen rainy little England alone. Arthur pecked the foolish fop again and shut the bed hangings behind him. The velvet still rustled as he stepped into the dark hall and began his day.

____________

Well after sunrise, François appeared for breakfast in only his shirt and kissed him. Arthur turned his chin away, intent on drinking his tea.

“The English!” He cried. “You are so cold!”

Lifting his class like a beer bottle, he swung it as if to toast the King's good health. “Hence the lovely tea."

François made his offended noises.

“The English, honestly, you'd leave your mothers to die for a cup of Earl Grey!”

"Oh, do turn down the histrionics,” Arthur sighed. “Sit down, you fool. Let me have my tea and wake up properly before you renew your assaults on the dignity of England,"

François snorted and sat down. "My dear, there's no dignity to assault."

François, never content to sit and eat with anything so lowly as propriety, brought his seat to the same side of the table. He slid his arm around Arthur, his hand pulling along his jacket seam. Mediterranean warmth followed, and Arthur shuddered as François drew his fingers down, trailing the buttons ensuring a snug fit at the back of his waistcoat, and found his way to a sensitive spot along his spine at the small of his back. Arthur put down the tea. He picked it back up, looked left to ensure none of the children or servants were about, and leaned his head in for a quick kiss. A morning peck, that was all. But François' other arm looped around him and kissed his mouth open, gently deepening and pushing.

“For heaven's sake,” Arthur gasped into his jaw. “The children are about to. Have that custard you insist on calling chocolate and keep your hands to yourself.”

“Then let's go somewhere more private,” François whispered, punctuating it with another kiss.

“Not now,” Arthur pulled away. “I’ve things to do.”

“Do it later.”

“I can do you later,”

“You can do me now. And later. The children will still be there tomorrow!"

“Francis,”

“Has Mother England grown soft with her brood?” François teased good-naturedly, reaching down where England was certainly not soft. “You are frumpy now."

“I am quite happy with my—”

“Three year old suit,”

“Its new,” And, ah, there was the indignation, the spike of prideful lust François had been waiting for.

“Perhaps in England,” François sighed.

"It's more than serviceable,”

“For tending to your overly full nursery, mayhap,”

"It's Saville Row, quite bespoke.”

“For playing cricket with toddlers, perhaps.”

"It is so unbecoming, I must–

"For Christ's sake, my best colour is green. If you aren't pleased with this—”

“It is so unbecoming I must take it off you.”

“Ah, well, in that case. I cannot permit myself to offend any further.”

He drew Arthur closer, his fists in his collar. They were then standing, moving, kissing against the wall, back against the panelling, hands scrambling for a grip on the buffet. Arthur gripped his hair; they pushed from the furniture and began the entwined waltz up the stairs back to the privacy of the bedroom. He was practically biting at Arthur’s jaw when he heard footsteps, tiny tapping ones, the click of a small child’s shoes, a gasp, more footsteps, and silence. How had they gotten upstairs? No matter. The bedroom door clicked behind them. They stood in a beam of light. Arthur’s eyes were lit. His finest features always looked elegant in green, especially green wool with warm brown threads woven into it. The smirking English bastard knew it, too, taking him by the jaw and kissing him again.

“What were you saying about my suit?”

“It’s horrendous, and it is entirely your own fault I must rip it from you.”

“Please do."

#fruk #freng #hws england #hws france #Arthur and Francois || our most dear enemy #my writing || cacoethes scribendi #the ask box || probis pateo #Francois || temperee par des chansons #Matthew || my country is winter #ive been drinking since like noon so it IS WHAT ITI S

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historia-vitae-magistras · 10 months

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Hello! I hope you're having a nice day. If you haven't answered it, did Arthur ever have Francis around while Matt was under his roof? If he did what were Matt's feelings? It must have been tough.

Oh, Arthur did. Nothing Matt feels is going to be a strong enough deterrent against fruk. Matt's 'parents' + his uncle have been fucking and killing each other for centuries, maybe the better part of a millennia by the time Matt comes along. He's only the odd consequences of their bullshit. Matt sleeps in the barn and sometimes disappears for a few days so he doesn't have to listen to François and Arthur's howling reenactment of the Norman invasion a la huile d'olive. Scoot over 1066 because 10 rounds of 69 has Matt sleeping outside with the horses. I hate to say it but holy shit his opinion, in this regard, could not matter less.

Arthur might feel bad after, tries to schedule it so Matt doesn't have it beaten into his head how little his feelings matter in the sheer length of the horny, loathing, symbiotically formed cesspool that is the love François and Arthur share. But tbh François drives Arthur absolutely wild and he loses all the poorly rationed fucks he might have after about the second knuckle. Kid? What kid? He can't remember his name after the second stroke much less Matt's.

Matt felt kind of sad, a lot angry. But mostly just tired and resigned. Arthur and Francis fucked before the hand over, they're not going to stop when Matts rank drops further after the conquest. He's kind of used to putting up with things and doing his best to stay out from underfoot. He'll go cry in the woods and sulk alone until he gets scolded for something asinine and then he'll get over it (stamp it down until he explodes.)

#the ask box || probis pateo #matthew || my country is winter #arthur || stone set in the silver sea #Francois || temperee par des chansons #Arthur and Francois || our most dear enemy #Arthur and the children || bilge rat and his bouncing baby bilge rats

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historia-vitae-magistras · 22 days

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It's the 120th anniversary of the entente cordiale today, so I was wondering if Arthur and Francis would ever buy each other an anniversary present

A box of wine and some lube on their way to Norman invasion 1069 until the bed breaks and their backs are blown out.

#the ask box || probis pateo #tw: everything #Arthur and Francois || our most dear enemy

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historia-vitae-magistras · 9 months

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among your characters, who is most likely to be an archivist?

GOD I hate to say it considering the French invented archives as we know them but probably the one and only Father of Packrats himself. But Arthur would be a very specific species of archivist where their institution is in their hands alone and they haven't had an update in tech or ethics for a half century. He'd create the most asinine homegrown organization systems, the inner workings of which are unknowable to man and beast. He talks to the skull on the wall because the human remains policies haven't been updated since the Cold War. There are archival boxes but they're unlabeled. The indices are crusted over and haven't been updated because it all exists in his head. Researchers have never met a crankier nor a more helpful archivist.

He was supposed to retire forty years ago. The reading room is unironically mid century modern. The archive itself doesn't take appointments, it's only open every other waxing moon at star rise or something equally esoteric. The conservation room is two tables and a sink and there's neither a bunsen burner nor a humidifier for twenty miles. He has assistants who are practically useless as librarians but invaluable as translators of the grumpy grunts their boss emits. More sweater than man, half frozen from a day in the vault. No one knows how old he is, they assume he's preserved himself by sleeping in an over-sized archival box. There's a board of pinned butterflies in his office. Rumour has it his bone folder is made of the bones of his enemies. His enemy is equally ancient French lit professor and they'd probably get away with their affair but their joints creak like a whorehouse mattress when they try to do it in the conservation room floor.

#the ask box || probis pateo #arthur || stone set in the silver sea #Francois || temperee par des chansons #Arthur and Francois || our most dear enemy

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historia-vitae-magistras · 6 months

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