#EYE dont even like jb that much so ???? why does this matter 2 me

[facethesuns]

em beloved here is the nct crash course:

nct 127 (l to r): johnny. haechan. mark. jaehyun. taeyong (leader). yuta. taeil. jungwoo. doyoung.

fixed unit, known for there noise music (if you need recs do lmk). also 127 is like the longitude of seoul? or something idk. also winwin was once part of them but now he’s not and we’re all sad. active since 2016. known as the frat boys. chaotic. very endearing. i love them all dearly.

nct dream (l to r): mark (leader). haechan. (yes. again.) jaemin. jisung. jeno. chenle. renjun.

started out as a rotational group for younger (ish?) members but then mark left (or as we say. graduated) because he got too old (i think he was nineteen? the horror) and every nctzen cried and now he’s back but we’re still crying because he (and haechan) are in two fixed units so when do they breathe? never perhaps. idk what dream stands for. they’re young so they still have hopes and dreams? active since 2016. music very young and up beat.

wayv (l to r): xiaojun. winwin. ten. lucas. yangyang. kun (leader). hendery.

china based unit. also a fixed one. active since 2019. is lucas still a member? honest to god don’t know that’s a whole other story. ngl i have never known what wayv stands for and tbh idc. good music. i feel like they’re a special kind of insane. have very cute cats !

then some members are also part of the phenomenon we call superm. (jumping and popping we jopping etc.) and oh nct u! that’s the rotational. random. group. u as in U are picked this time? idk. it’s just random members each time coming together to make songs outside of their fixed group. was actually the first unit to debut with a song called 7th sense. (very nice. do check it out) also baby don’t stop is an icon.

oh and you’re totally right mark lee is the justin bieber fan!

anyways. that’s it! if i sound insane it’s because it’s 5:30 am and i apologize. also yes google will give you a better explanation but i had to send this because i cried laughing at your post. if you ever need more info or want some song recs lmk <3 bye !!!!!! sending hugs (((hugs tightly))) - @minchanz

ps. my phone is messing up the pics so i hope this works !!

omg nini hi!!! thank you for taking the time to type out this whole thing ksjdhfkjds i just read through it all and my biggest conclusion is: do any of them ever sleep skjdfjshf how are they all part of 983742 different sub groups LMAO. also when you were trying to explain nct u the sentence "u as in U are picked this time?" actually took me OUT 😭😭😭😭

i think i know whopping total of 3 nct songs between all these groups (including 7th sense!! i do actually know that one lmao) so maybe ill actually take a look at more of their music! the funniest part is that i know of the 2 baddies song (thats a new one i think??) but i actually have no idea what its supposed to sound like and only know the tune because hyunjin sang it in that one skz code episode (whoops)

fr this message made me giggle ty for sending it again! i hope you get some sleep soon <333

#nini ily !!!!!! #minchanz #replies #i love that i was right abt mark loving jb i dont know why that makes me proud but it does #EYE dont even like jb that much so ???? why does this matter 2 me #long post

[nyruratchet]

Notes 5 - It’s Been A While

This is not the life I though I’d have. I had so many plans. But life has been stolen. I’m sitting here my bed, in a tiny NYC room that I pay way too much for, with a roommate next door who takes me for granted, and bills staring me in the face every which way I turn.

I did everything I was supposed to. Every damned thing that was asked of me and I ended up HERE. I wanted to be a performer, but my parents didn’t support me going to California or Rutgers right out of High School to pursue my passion. This was very selfish on their part and I think I will carry resentment for that until the day I die. Because I will never ever know what could have been. But I own my part in that decision. I could have defied them, sure; been “cut-off” (from what I’m still trying to figure out...we still have no money). But instead, I did what they wanted and ended up nowhere and with nothing to show for my obedience...but I digress.

Sorry, it has been a minute since I last wrote. I had started dating someone and...actually thought again if I put all my effort into it, that finally there would be fruits of my labor. Again, life gave me a big fuck you. Why didn’t it work? I chased him far longer than I should have. I accepted far too little from him in return for what I was willing to give. Distance was an issue, but it could have been bearable had he been able to meet me halfway. He’s a good person. Just has lots of growing up to do. He will get there though; but without me. So, it didn’t fit and I cried SO much until I realized I didn't love him and I wasn’t ever going to. Aint that some shit; finally a guy “wants’” to date me and I’m the one who has to end it. I guess the first try is always destined to be a failure?

I posted recently about my role in friendships. YES, I know I have been MIA. But if you don’t understand why I’ve been physically non-present...I don’t know what to tell you. I try my damndest to respond to all texts; but sometimes my mind doesn’t allow it to happen.  This year has hit me SO much harder than I thought possible. Therefore, all my energy has been put into staying alive. Now, don’t be afraid of me saying that. I’m not looking to end my life. But when life keeps dragging you beneath the current and you keep rising enough to barely catch a tiny breath before being plunged into the fathoms below once more, you begin to wonder if you should just go with that flow and let it carry you away. Talk to someone? Been there, done that. Doesn’t help me. My problems are tangible. Money, Career, Love. Period. Scheduled venting sessions offer me no resolution. I entered myself into therapy in college. Went on for 4 years until it was no longer covered. Then when I got on employment a few years later in NYC, I resumed for another year hoping maybe someone else could help me figure out why I’m so miserable. 4 therapists/counselors later...nothing. So, I stopped paying the mere $30 copay there was (which was still a struggle because I was on food stamps as it is; still pursuing my dream to be on Broadway and become a recording artist) and went on with trying to at least solve one of my problems...money. So, I got a job instead of being a starving artist. 

Inflight crewmember with JB. FML. Why did I do this to myself? I did. I was in a bad place and things got a bit better but now I’m worse off. Mo money, mo problems?? HARDLY. Money would solve most of my problems right now. 

Rent. Utilities. Food (I make too much to be on food stamps no...so says the gov’t). Mental Health. Music...

Oh my music...So, I told you all I would explain more on why good artists struggle to get GOOD music out. Here goes my attempt:

1. Write music: doing this on your “off-time” from working for someone else’s business is exhausting. But if you love it and are driven, you can do it. I have many songs that I have written tired as shit after my redeyes. I’m actually a beast at catchy melodies, lyrics, and vocal harmonies.

2. Purchase equipment/software: Home studios or some type of set-up is pretty much a necessity. I need to have song fully imagined so the producer and technicians know the progression when recording and building the song. (Mic-$80, Logic X pro-$200, Studio Headphones: ~$100, Pop filter: ~$20, New computer: (varies, but given that I’ve had computers crash etc. I’ll tell the most recent price) $2500,  

3. Find a producer: So...unless you have magical fingers and can play instruments, the next step is finding a talented producer to do your backing track/orchestration. And good producers need to be PAID by the hour for a custom production. (~$25-50/hr) OR you can purchase exclusive rights to a already produced beat for a for ~$150...but even those can get pricey.

4. Book a studio: So, if you’re doing an original song you will definitely need multiple studio sessions. For one song I worked on, I spent about $700 dollars for 3 sessions only 3-4hrs long each. 

5. Proper mixing/mastering: there are online services that can do quick mastering. LANDR cost me $15/month. But when I’m doing original music, that needs professional mastering/mixing. What does that mean? More time for you or an audio engineer you trust to be in a studio. So, depending on who/where that is...lets say ~$25-75/hr (good mixing will take a few hours at least on the first sit down.

6. Song is done. What’s next? Promotion...see where this is going? Social media. You need photos/artwork which its own separate expense if you don’t do your own. And then if you aren't yourself a IG/Twitter/Snap influencer with 20K followers, you need to pay them to post your song so people give a shit to even listen let alone PURCHASE your art on iTunes/Amazon/Tidal/Soundcloud.  And influencers/promotion services charge HUNDREDS. So, when I beg and plead my friends to SHARE, LIKE and post I’m doing so because I need your help. I can’t ever afford good promotion. 

7. Release Music: You have to pay to release your music on streaming/music services ~$40. They then take a percentage of sales from each platform.

Now, your ONE song is out. Lets say a couple thousand people streamed the song for free on Spotify or Pandora. How much you think an artist gets?  Well, lets put it this way. I’ve done a few songs and have seen no money. I’m literally hemorrhaging money just to do something I love. But that forces me to do more of what I hate is being a flight attendant. Why don't I do something else? Oh honey, trust me...I’ve been working since I was 15. Dont you think I’m looking? I’ve been looking and brainstorming. Nothing is looking good. So, yes I know I’m the only one who can get myself out of a situation I don’t like. But it is beyond me right now. But I DO wake up each day hoping I find SOME way to make a change. But I do fear I will reach the point of hopelessness fairly soon; and the point is different than the braking point aforementioned.

So, I was doing all of this music creation on top of a depressing dating experience and roommate issues AND job related stress. I’m honestly not sure how I’m alive. I’m not suicidal but at one point I contemplated calling a hotline to see exactly what they are trained to do should I reach the braking point. I didn’t do it. I cried myself to sleep again; rolled out of bed the next day to go to work as so many adults do. I KNOW I’m not the only one struggling. But when your lot in life feels like a mistake and loneliness is staring you in the face every day you are “blessed” to open your eyes, you keep asking yourself (well, I keep asking Myself...) Why the FUCK am I here? No one (on the grand scheme of things) is paying attention my music and guys literally seemed repulsed when I express interest. I’m know I’m supposed to matter but, this world keeps telling me otherwise. So, yeah...sorry, it has been a while. But without music, I guarantee I’d be gone by now. Guess we’ll see how long this will last.