#HOW YOU SAYING THEY DONT NEED TO TRAIN

[kaeyachi]

Kaeya had always been an efficient and hard-working individual (he had to be to support Diluc in the background as his brother rose thru the ranks after all).

He has so much free time because he completes all his work way ahead of schedule. And if he still has enough time, he adds more to the workload in secret.

And once all of that was done and over with, he makes time for everyone. He has to. He feels as if every moment has to be given to someone else.

No one knows how he does it. No one has to know.

Every mission has a dozen strategies in line, and every battle plan is made with efficiency in mind. His perfect record will not be tarnished. He can't risk it (even if it baffles others that he would willingly activate a ruin guard just to prevent a failed mission. Jean disagrees with his methods, but Kaeya can say that the results say otherwise)

He needs to be quick.

Efficient.

Perfect.

And so he comes and goes like the wind.

Kaeya values time because he knew every second counted. He can't just stand there as if he were frozen. Time could run out in an instant.

Kaeya had only been late once his entire life.

He'd rather he never be late ever again.

It took one day of being of being imperfect for everything to fall apart. On that tragic day...had he gotten there on time... then maybe...

.

.

.

" Come on, let's get moving, traveler. We're not frozen in place after all. " Kaeya teasingly says. He stiffles a giggle at the traveler's exhasperated sigh.

"Yeah yeah, we've heard enough of you calling us a slacker. Can't you be a bit more patient?" Paimon whines at him.

Kaeya snorts, but acquiesces, hiding the shaking of his hands at the thought of being idle.

He imagines hearing a clock ticking.

Kaeya knows that that is his own problem. He tries his hardest to relax as he waits for the traveler to finish whatever they're making on the alchemy table because, seriously, it is supposed to be a relaxing day. There's nothing major going on, and his schedule is once again empty as intended. What's the hurry?

Kaeya taps his foot on the ground as he waits. He wishes he could take his own damn advice when he tells others to relax.

#kaeyachi randoms #kaeya #kaeya alberich #this is actually shorter than it originally was can yall believe? #kaeya with anxiety truther there i said it #kaeya cant stand being IDLE #get it? get it? #you see that is a play of words in reference to when he is stood idle on our screens. he is one of the more verbally impatient characters #and we also see it reflected on his actions both in fighting and at work. he has a speed boost bonus and if he isnt teleporting he is #actually moving so fast that he seems like it. this is what i also concluded that results him in large amounts of free time that only amber #seemed to be hardpressed about. the people of mondstadt find him reliable and approachable despite the lax attitude and frequent nights at #angels share. we also had lore tidbits before of kaeya straight up saying he finished all his work and jean saying that he also did the #backlogged ones. It is actually insane that we hear him relaxing frequently and i bet its not because of the lack of horses COZ LOOK AT HOW #BUSY THE OTHER CAPTAINS ARE. Also id like to think that he is a toned down noelle and that is why jean told him to watch over her training #give us noelle and kaeya interactions pls i kinda need it tbh #to all those that reached this far into the notes i actually have more to say so get ready #if it wasnt clear the only day he was late was when crepus died. everything fell apart for him that day so i can see some obsessive need to #just keep running around and doing things as efficient as possible. I also think that he found the knights slow and inefficient in several #occasions and he is willing to put them in the line of fire just to get their hearts pumping with adrenaline (and fear lol). idk kaeya is #just so anxiety-coded. impatience-core. Mr. dont waste my time type of guy. and also wow look i found a way to make his idles become angst #silly me ehe #oh youre still here? how about i tell you that kaeya-efficiency-alberich probably knows where everyone is at any time of the day? #can we honestly please give him more free time i need more of him tbh #fun reminder that bro is working around 3-4 jobs casually lmao #i also just realized that the notes is a whole nother post on its own #AND THE ACTUAL FUNNY PART IS I CAN STILL ELABORATE MORE ON THIS LMAO #wait let me add this one tiny idea too but he thinks time is so valuable. bro lost 2 dads and lost time with his bro + he significantly #lessened his time at dawn winery for quite some time. i can see why he is extroverted now.

[kaseyskat]

since ive already been pretty open about this and im not afraid to whack a hornets nest i'll go ahead and say it: if you were raising a kid in a pseudo-apocalyptic setting and then you found out that said kid was going to be the one to defeat the eldritch god that you have tried to defeat for half your lifetime and could never manage. that she was going to FACE that eldritch god it was prophesied. you would teach her how to defend herself and how to fight. like god i am not saying hero's trauma from it wasn't justified because i do think the twins took it too far but the initial process of training her makes so much more sense if you approach it at the angle of "this kid is going to do something we've been trying to do since we were twelve and couldn't manage and we might not even be there to help her so we have to make sure she doesn't die in the process" and not "we're going to make her fix our mistakes" it makes sense. goes along with lark's running theme of not being strong enough in the moments that matter and wanting to make sure nobody else ever feels as helpless as he did when walter was injured. goes along with sparrow desperately tempting fate with normal's name- not because normal was an accident, but because sparrow never wanted to lose even one kid to the doodler and it was a fervent, desperate wish to let normal get to be normal

#dndads #kasey rambles #sorry im feeling especially spiteful today #cause again i do think. the twins get the least amount of nuance from the fandom #tell me how yall were just fighting for glenn so hard and then you turn around and tell me that the twins are evil monsters skahsdkfhkdhsf #like idk. it makes sense to me! #if hero was supposed to fight the doodler but they dont know WHEN it would happen. theyd train her early #make sure it was a fight she could win #and thats also why shes NOT in the chosen one position anymore #she wanted to leave and now that she could reasonably defend herself should she be threatened. its fine! #if they really only wanted her to fix their mistakes she would not have been allowed to leave. lmao #again this isn't to say that she wasn't traumatized from the experience like. #i think the twins shouldve been honest with her and there shouldnt have been so much pressure #but i get why they felt the need to make sure she could handle herself in a fight so early on #also like. this kind of thing happens in so many post apocalyptic settings its not even uncommon #yall just dont see this world as being post apocalyptic and it shows LMAO

[lesbianaelwen]

I was wondering who kipperlily was reminding me of, and I finally remembered last night—ocean from ride the cyclone. as in, yes, these morals are fucked but also this is a child. it is the moral duty of the adults around her to foster better morals and traits like compassion and empathy. I can’t blame her for being so primed to be taken advantage of; that being said, if/when that influence is removed and if she is given a chance to change, that is on her.

in a meta sense, brennan has established that there is a difference in the teenage villains he creates, and the vast majority of them are not pure irredeemable evil—they were influenced/groomed into their role and given external support/the ability to be free from that and change, they take it. how I’m seeing it, that’s being set up for at least a few of the rat grinders.

#d20 #dimension 20 #fantasy high junior year #fhjy #fantasy high junior year spoilers #fhjy spoilers #I could see there being some narrative beat similar to the one w ruben-seeing the scared pre-rage version still in there #also while I’m here-yes ideally klcp should’ve been referred out for intensive help and all that. but following that logic of actually #caring about mental health then at the very least most of that school probably needs some level of routine appts. Not saying that’s bad! #but jawbone is only one person with most of the faculty gone and while hes doing his best he doesn’t have the clinical training someone irl #would have-much less to say whether that infrastructure even exists somewhere like elmville. idk it’s complicated and not done yet so I dont #feel comfortable preemptively assuming what morals or values the narrative is promoting. like the morals of tgp s1 vs s1-4 are similar but #Vastly different in the actual ethical minutiae and how much the premise has been developed and elaborated on #can you guys tell my finals are over and my brain is finally turning back on 🥳

[quietwingsinthesky]

sometimes interpreting media through a shipping lens enhances it, on occasion even beyond the author’s original intent, but sometimes, you do have to accept that your ship was not in the heads of anyone making the source material and trying to force it to fit into evidence of your ship will severely hinder your ability to discuss the actual text.

#and also ill hit you on the head with a brick #posts that. im not going to say theyre about destiel. im not going to say that. #and im not gojng to say it because. i dont need to. you already know <3 #and to be clear: its not the interpretation thats a problem here. thats the fun of shipping. its then taking what youve interpreted and then #trying to backread that onto the media itself as intentional. as intended. #dismissing the actual themes and story for evidence of a ship is the problem. u get me? #shipping brainrot is not ‘oh i think these characters would kiss for this reason’. #its ‘this show is and has always been about these characters kissing no matter how much i have to ignore about the show to make that true or #pretend is completely different than its actually presented or straight up make things up to make my ship be a part of the intended reading’ #thats the brainrot. the brainrot is when u step off the train of reality. #this is not true about the best piece of art ever made Captain America and the Winter Soldier. btw. that movie IS about bucky and steve #kissing alsjfdjskdjg #(<- okay im being silly here but id like to make a real point here too. the thing about TWS is that. it is genuinely enhanced by a romantic #reading. its not *better* than a platonic one. its just different. being able to see it through that lens does make a lot of the original #movie’s ideas even more complex. case in point like: steve struggling with his dating life. because what shared life experience does he have #with other people who look his age. and the movie is. about. someone who has his shared life experiences. and his mission to get bucky back. #you can see how that lens would be beneficial to the original movie rather than fighting it to prove the ship works in opposition to the #author’s original intent.)

[britneyshakespeare]

My toxic trait is that I like how my incomplete drawings look better than the finished things

#im sorry i cant be her (my searching lines) #i cant stop thinking about this drawing i have a sinking feeling that im gonna be very unhappy when its done #or. not unhappy. but not as excited as i feel about it now! #i only worked in two short chunks on it but both were pretty productive #i have a feeling that when i take the time to really dedicate myself to it im gonna fuck something up #like i can see areas i need to/can improve already but the glaring flaws are ok! bc it's not finished! #it OVERALL looks cool and LOOKS like it has the potential to turn out well #but will it... WILL IT??? WILL IT EVER? #i have never been so totally completely satisfied w any finished drawing ive dedicated myself to fully. #tales from diana #this is also only the second time ive done a really deliberate self-portrait that wasnt in some for or another. practice #like of course ive drawn my face before. not that often actually. but since yes i do draw. i have drawn myself #i probably should've drawn myself more times for how often i think id like a nice picture of myself #but then again its not gonna be so 'nice' if i make it and am not totally happy w it? #see one of the ppl who inspired me to learn to draw is ned @sneez my dearest. he's spoiled me before #and drawn me very beautifully on several occasions and it's very much a thing to move one's heart #to see someone dedicate their talent to depicting YOU. #and i might say HE has made me look more beautiful in art than i think i'll ever look in the flesh #which is not to say he drew me inaccurately. but he's so talented that his art is more beautiful than life. #and i dont compare myself in skill to him bc he's been doing it for YEARS and way more trained than me in the visual arts. #like it simply wouldn't be fair so i only compare myself to myself. naturally #but i used to think. very VAINLY i might say. that if i could draw like him id draw beautiful pictures of myself all the time #well ce n'est pas ca mon ami. since learning to draw i've found im much more interested in drawing ppl i find beautiful #rather than myself. im not art. not through my own eyes at least. #i should really draw ned sometime. i really should. #actually somewhat embarrasingly i tried to draw him like 5 or 6 years ago. and i NEVER tried to draw then #i did show him tho and he thought it was very impressive but that's probably just bc he loves me. xoxox #maybe ill post that someday as a throwback just for the hell of it. lol. thatd be cute

[tiger-balm]

I know we say this almost every day but I can't believe how much people hate mitch... even when presented with clear facts on his value they refuse to acknowledge it

#im kind of ummm sick to my stomach #like hes tied for second on the team for this series #which is the same number as willy and on less than auston and i dont see people calling for their heads so whats up with that #you just know people were drafting up their posts waiting for the leafs to lose the series so they could write their little think pieces #about how hes not good enough and needs to be traded away #i know they never would bc of media training but wish one of his teammates would say something in media defending him #thank you willy for saying he doesnt want the core to change <3 #but i want someone to be like “umm actually mitch is irreplaceable so can you all stfu” lmao #talking to myself

[malikselfindulgence]

I don't post about him too much because he's still a big wip because i haven't had a Httyd phase in a hot sec BUT:

Here he is in Httyd 1 and in 2!!(Gotta give him a Rtte design too)His name is Pipsqueak Reidun and he's a berk viking who's parents,Gertrud and Osmund,were killed under mysterious circumstances when he was little,leaving him to raise himself because none of the adult residents wanted to take him in due to his otherness(Queerness + Neurodivergence/Mental disabilities).Him and Hiccup grew up together as best friends and him and Astrid get on good terms in the first movie and are besties too by the time the first cartoon ends!!Berk accepts him post Httyd 1 because of his association to Hiccup and proving himself as a worthy warrior and i haven't figured out how yet but he ends up becoming part Rose Fury-Rose Furys being a Night Fury variant that are pink and have vine-like patterns on their scales-after meeting and training one and naming her Cloudy Skies!!Like i said him and Hiccup are eachother's love interests and it's a slowburn,with them not getting together until Httyd 2!And since i love Astrid so fucking much,she's a lesbian in this verse who's married to Ruffnut♡Oh and the main human trio are all trans :] Pip transmasc genderfluid and bigender super femme,Hic trans man and Strid butch trans woman!!

HELLOOOO I FUCKING LOVE HIM !!!! Childhood best friends to lovers slow burn is the realest thing ever actually . ALSO I FUCKIN LOVE HIM BECOMING PART ROSE-FURY THAT SOUNDS SO COOL??? GIVE HIM DRAGON FEATURES NOOWW !!! And omg it'd be sweet to see him and Hiccup's relationship develop in the series before the second movie :33 ASTRID AND RUFFNUT SOOOO FUCKING REAL I LOVE THEM !!!! Also hmmm very curious about the mysterious circumstances of his parent's deaths .... does this come up later?? Ponders ....

THIS IS PRETTY OLD ART FORGIVE ME BUT !! ourss I'd say these are rtte designs :33 they have matching star charms and the belt on Blaze's S/I was a gift from Snotlout!! Blaze's is transmasc and mine is genderfluid :33 mine is besties w tuffnut and is lowkey crushing on Astrid while Blaze's is besties r Ruffnut and dating Snotlout :33 . They ran away from home together at a young age and snuck into a random ship, and it just so happened to lead to Berk! Have yet to decide where they come from or their dragons asrgghfh

#IHEART YOU PIPSQUEAK !!!!!!!!! #yeah my s/i is crushing on astrid teheheh and also loves spending time w fishlegs and . oh? youre asking about their lore? well um. UHH umM #UHHhHHhHH #<- too lazy to do research . and needs to rewatch rtte. oaugh #malik's asks #httyd oc #httyd #httyd sona #httyd original character #how to train your dragon oc #tuffnut is a butch lesbian .... 2 me #oc x canon #nota single hand in that drawing because im lazy #realistically they wouldnt survive the weather . I can barely survive 20°C . Berk SNOWS . #it says rival twins but theyend up befriending the twins #they do pranks on the other twins all the time also #tuff and malik always thjnk ruff is the one coming up w all the plans but they dont know how devious blaze can be #ive yet to decide names AAGSHHX #probably really cliche arabic ones lmao #blaze strikes me as a hamza . no particular reason #oc: Nasr httyd #oc: Majd httyd #<- THEY HAVE NAMES NOW [i did not want to be a Nasr but its ok </3] #smoltenshipping

[karinyosa]

cleaning out my following list and am being reminded of the phase i had where i was trying to make myself feel about being wlw the way i felt about being mlm (which is not what i called it at the time and also i was bisexual at this time) and i did this by. following every random carol fan blog i could find jshdsjhshjdsdcjhsdjchsbjdcgshdcjsdghcjh

#to be fair this phase introduced me to some banger media #but i literally was like so disturbed by how i felt about mlm media that i tried to compensate by placing myself in as much proximity to wl #media/aesthetics as possible. which meant. LATCH ONTO THE FIRST WLW MOVIE YOU EVER WATCH APPARENTLY #i was trying to train myself to be sapphic/a better sapphic?? and present as such. Online #which i feel like sapphic is a different thing from being wlw/gay (for women) but thats another conversation #but yeah LMAO i was like i need to be reading/watching more WOMAN media. man PURGE #bizarre form of not quite conversion therapy i dont even know what to say lmaooooooo #karinyo.txt #but yeah no like the way i dressed was to an extent how i imagined a specific type of bisexual/sapphic woman might dress #and i was trying to seek out wlw media that was like. the wlw equivalent of the mlm media i liked. like i thought the issue was the type #of media i'd seen. this is how i got into within the wires #which is a BANGER podcast to be fair wtw season 2 SLAPS. love those insane old women <3 #but no yeah i was like. it's hashtag carol christmas smiling emoji smiling emoji #literally hello fellow sapphics #this is why part of me is still like maybe the only reason i dont like girls is becuse i associate that with being a woman HJDHFJSHJ #like maybe when he gets on testosterone he'll be slightly more bisexual #may also have had something to do with the fact that most of my friends strongly preferred women and/or ided as wlw-adjacent at the time? #like i also just wanted to be seen by them as having good taste shdskdsjdkj #hence. man purge

[cowboy-robooty]

i get so fucking mad and incellic about vocaloid its not even funny

#I HOLD MY TONGUE. BECAUSE I WONT BE A PUBLIC MENACE I WONT BE A PUBLIC MENACE I WONT BE A PUBLIC MENACE #BUT I AM UNIRONICALLY A FUCKING CRANKY OLD MAN #GRINDING MY FUCKING TEETH I SWEAR TO GOD....... #me when i literally help run a project sekai youtube channel and i genuinely think project sekai has done irreparable damage to society #i hate that fucking game yes i play it yes i am continuing to train (still a scrub rn im tryna get my 32s down) #but its not me being an anti fan or cute or whatever when i say i hate that game #i Genuinely Hate It. #i hate what it stands for i hate what its done to vocaloid community i hate how it doesnt respect the classics i hate the fucking humans i #HATE FUCKING EVERYTHING #I LIKE PLAYING THE GAME BECAUSE IM A RHYTHM GAMER BUT OHHHH MY GOD #NO FUCKING RESPECT. NO *FUCKING* RESPECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #ITS BEEN HOW LONG AND YOU STILL HAVENT ADDED A SINGLE LAMAZE P SONG? #NO DEADBALL P? #WHERES SAIHATE. WHERES SING & SMILE. WHERES VOC@LOID IN LOVE?!?!?!? #TO MY MEMORY I REMEMBER LUKA LUKA NIGHT FEVER WAS ADDED BECAUSE IT WON A FAN POLL ASKING FANS WHAT SONGS THEY WANT ADDED TO THE GAME..... #YOU TELLING ME IF IT DIDNT WIN YOU WOULDNT HAVE ADDED IT ASAP? ITS A HOOD CLASSIC!!!! #i hate it i hate how theres humans so when they commission songs they HAVE to make the songs able to be sung by humans #BECAUSE THEY NEED TO MAKE SURE FUCKING MAFUYU OR WHATEVER CAN SING THAT SHIT #I HATE IT I HATE HOW WHEN SOMEONE SAYS THEY LIKE PROJECT SEKAI 80% OF THE TIME THEY DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE VOCALOIDS #AND CARE ABOUT ONLY THE FUCKING HUMANS!!! #DO ANY OF YOU PEOPLE CARE ABOUT HESOKURI WARS? #DOES ANYBODY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT LUKAS TUNA!!!!! DOES ANYBODY CARE ABOUT RINS TACTOR? #now everybody who likes vocaloid doesnt even know kiyoteru. YOU GUYS ALL KNOW KAAI YUKI BUT NOT KIYOTERU?!? BITCH HE COMES IN LIKE A PAIR #WITH HER #WHO YOU THINK KAAI YUKIS SCHOOL TEACHER IS? #i hate project sekai so much it has such a bad heart #i hit 30 tag limit getting started talking about pvs oh my lord im sorry i said i wouldnt say anything and exploded #this is the tip of the iceberg though okay guys im sorry i am a fucking freak about vocaloid #didnt even talk about how modern vocaloid also has greatly shifted its songs to be abt ocs rather than the vocaloids in aus n shit which is #fine in balance. but the shift is too great imo it feels like vocaloid is being used as a gimmick rather than apart of the songs soul

[todayisafridaynight]

One of my fave jackets is this green jacket with a fur hood im wearin rn because 1.) its green 2.) my dad gave it to me 3.) it reminds me of saejima. Who also reminds me of my dad

#snap chats #p sure i talked bout this jacket before but idc read my diary #sorry that every other middle aged man i see i say reminds me of my dad its a compliment #tbh love how i clowned on ichi for being on premium copium bout arakawa but highkey i woulda done the same bout my dad.. i get it ichi.. #anyway :) i legally get to talk about my day with him now :)) HE SAID THE FUNNIEST SHIT UPON SEEING ME #HE SAID ‘oh wow we dress similar :)’ and keep in mind. he was wearing a latte brown coat with a black turtleneck and pants and shoes #meanwhile. i approach With Black Pants And Shoes Admittedly but then im in this goofy old ass jacket with a red scarf #and a crane-decorated dress shirt that i got two buttons undone on like DAAD you are senile. hes so funny #so fun my dad actually recognized this was the jacket he got me- it was one of the first things he bought for me after i told My Secret 🙈 #also i finally asked how tall he was and i can’t believe my dad matches the criteria to be an rgg character he’s fuckin 6’1 like i thought #AH but today was really nice- i got to hang with my sis and her husband as well as my dad’s wife :) #it was awful tho cause the second my sis saw my dad’s outfit she’s just like ‘it’s so kdramacore’ AND SHES RIIIGHT 😭😭 #we later found out dad’s wife loves kpop…. and she bought him his new clothes…. so we are no longer surprised….. AWFUL. #honestly i could write a drama based off my dad’s life i really could it has elements for it. i mean ig i kinda do that already dont i #i borrow. anyways. today was fun :) even if i almost lost my mind trying to take the train the first time #this train system was weird… it wa worth tho it was great seein popop again #yeah….. ugh i have to still drive home from the station. and hope my car is still there #i get very paranoid leaving my car alone so openly i dont like it… #anyways. bye bye :) i might nap til my stop or work on a fic i started #‘snap what happened to’ dont worry about it i need to look at something else or ill scream #ok bye 👋

[luigis-mogai-mansion]

Im so fucking tired of allistic people man...

They always present like 2 choices for you and go on for days about how they understand either choice, they won't judge you no matter what you pick and how they'll be fine regardless then act all disappointed and whiney when you make that choice and they didn't get the answer they wanted.

I'm sorry, how was I supposed to know that was the wrong choice™️. If you wanted me to do something why didn't you say it. I don't care about all your little social shit, be honest with me. I didn't choose based on your wants when I don't know what you want. I made the "selfish" choice despite everyone around me saying they supported my decision and totally understood. Then I'm the bad guy. For making a choice. That I was assured over and over again that I wasn't going to be judged for.... I'm so tired of this... I'm so tired of allistic people setting these fucking landmines for me. Like they enjoy my suffering. I always get fucking burned in these situations. I can either just do what I think they want with varying response or I can be honest and unmask and do what I think is best for me then they all collectively sigh and look away like Im the disappointment...

If it's not truly safe, don't fucking tell me I'm safe. If I truely won't be judged, don't judge me. If I can't safely unmask, don't tell me to be myself and make my own choices. Even allistic people who had no fucking skin in this game judged me. I chose the option that was best for me and now I'm the villain. Again. Fuck allistic people man, fuck those wishy-washy judgey ass people.

#clover speaks #clover vents #its ok they said just do whats best for you they said #and my dumbass was just like yeah sure 😚 and now im looked at like a monster for taking a choice they gave me #and encouraged me to take! ill support you no matter what my ass #it makes me feel so fucking unsafe in my chocies like a fucking saw trap #its always multiple choice questions and nothinge ever seems like the right choice #they are always wrong and everyone always despises me abit afterwards #even when i know i didnt do anything wrong i didnt hurt anyone and i made a chocie for me #its all supports and i love yous and its oks up until the tism comes back out and i get the cold shoulder #i get the look aways and the silence #they know they are hurting me and they dont care about the betrayal i feel over being basically lied to #i know its your choice but i felt like- ok then why didnt you say anything BEFORE I MADE THE CHOICE #FUCK ALLISTIC PEOPLE IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF THEIR QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS GAMES THAT MAKE ME LOOK HORRIBLE FOR NO REASON #IM SORRY I DIDNT READ YOUR EXPRESSION ITS ALMOST LIKE I HAVE A MODERATE MENTAL DISABILITY THAT PREVENTS ME FROM RWADING EXPRESSIONS #i just wanna say or do something right and they always judge me no matter what #im never safe around these people because everything is always watched and judged according to their morals and what they would choose #as if their morals are superior to mine because they are fine with throwing themselves at trains over nothing and im kot #fuck allistic people man #im so stupid for believing them and thinking this time ill be safe... #im never safe i will never be safe #im always so scared of looking like a stone faced unfeeling monster who dosent love anyone or anything and they always make me into it #no matter what i do or how much i try to express it #i feel things i love people im not a robot #this hurts so much... #sorry for the total lack of context but you dont need any #i dont want or need any more allistic judgement

[killjoy-prince]

Vendors at my job love me so much there's fighting amongst them in one company over who gets to deliver to my store that week

#prince's talk tag #my secret is i dont wanna deal with people any longer than i have to so i get them in and out as quickly as i can #and the vendors and drivers love that bc they got other places to be #the vendor that told me this said the other receivers will take their time and dilly dally too much leaving a line of trucks outside #but im usually on top of that #there are days where i cant help it but i go as fast as i can bc i really dont want to deal with people #and i can avoid that by taking them in check in their product sign the receipts and get them outta there #vendor also said at least with his company the dispatcher will be like 'here this store needs a delivery done' #and the vendors will go 'no im not doing that store' which will make the dispatcher go to one & say 'well its your route so you gotta do it' #and it was like that for my store before I took over #now the dispatcher will be like 'hey Prince's store needs a delivery' and the vendors are actually fighting like #'ill do it' 'no imma do it!' 'no me!' #ngl it made me happy. i didnt think i was that well liked #like some drivers have showed their appreciation to me about my speed and ability to handle the job but to have people fight over me? wow #and this was like an hour after a manager complimented how i run shit around here bc i know what im doing #and when im not here it all falls apart #which does suck bc i wish the mess wasnt left to me to clean up if im not here #but i am training someone rn who will cover for me when im not around so hopefully that helps a little

[pepprs]

i will shut up abt this i promise but like. the concept of being in a stable safe mutually loving whatever relationship is INSANE . like how can you ever feel bad about yourself or wounded or whatever again. it’s like a superpower or somethi ng. <- doesn’t know what she’s taking abt bc she’s never experienced it or the absence of it after having it merely the negative space of it and is filling in the gaps w logic or something. but it’s INSANE to me. like of course i feel like shit about myself i am catcrumb unloved.jpg!

#purrs #imbeing insane about it i know it’s not that simple / reductive and i will still feel like shit abt myself once im in a relationshp (if i #get to be ♥️) and there are lots of other legitimate reasons to feel shit agtbyiurself. but it’s like no ficking wonder i feel inadequate i #am a 24 year old who lives at home and has never held a hand or whatever next to two 50sometjinf year old married men with pets and phds. of #course i am going to feel inadequate and stupid and lonely. like i canttttt 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 and th w worst part is you can’t just go out into #the world saying that and looking for that it has to find you so i will not join any dating apps or whatever but i don’t fucking go anywhere #so im not going to meet anyone and i knowi am so young and stupid and just having a horrible day that is reminding me of horrors. but the #way i am mentally shoving my whole fist in my mouth. OF COURSE I FEEL LIKE SHIT I DONT HAVE A LIFE PARTNER!!!!!!!!!!!! I DONT HAVE THAT #SAFETY AND STABILITY AND TRUST AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!!!!!!! AND I NEVER HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #delete later #like this is what makes me crazy abt parents and kids too and whyi don’t think ihave kids. bc i think (and i know this is wrong / unhealthy) #it is a primal human need to be mutually someone else’s number 1 person and when you have kids it’s like you’re gonna love your partner more #than the kids and then the kids (read: me) watch that and get fucked up over it. but also that could just be me reacting to the UNSPEAKABLE #psychological damage of being a twin. which again is ridiculous bc it’s n out like abuse i just had to share something with someone else si #since before i was born and ofc there was more like actually kind of abusive stuff on top of it LOL but that aside. idk what im saying i #just feel so crazy. the amount of composure it takes me every day to not start SCREAMING with frustration and envy when i see ppl being #RIGHTFULLY DESERVEDLY visibly confident and loved. like ok valentines grinch go sit in the drainage pond forever please. but it’s so crazy #like how are you supposed to go through the world unaware of how much love you’re missing out on because you’re young and then you realize I #it and then somehow you miss the train and you are scared you are going to d*e alone ♥️ im normal

[bahoreal]

its such a stigma to be like "i don't like dogs" and every time i see anyone dislike dogs they have to adamantly justify it and pander ("dogs are fine really!! you can like them!!! i just personally!! don't like them!!!") it rly. bothers me. like my mum was bitten unprovoked by a dog when she was on a walk and she still doesnt like to go anywhere near dogs even "friendly" ones (it was unprovoked, she walked "too close" to someones gate) and she has to explain that every time someone is like "why wont you sit near my dog?" like. just let people dislike things, even and especially animals whos behaviour entirely depends on how well the owners train them.

#prompted by a dog owner letting their dog sprint full pelt at me while on a run and visibly scared of the dog #the dog jumping up at me and taking nips at my hands while i was trying to step back as far as possible without falling into nettles #i had no idea if this dog would bite if i acted wrong it was a big dog. and the owner was like haha shes so friendly :) #and i was like GET IT AWAY FROM ME #my liking of dogs is very subjective. for real reasons. when im meeting dogs outside of these scenarios ill play with dogs #idk man idk i just wish it was easier for me to be like 'dogs are fucking terrifying because i dont know how well theyre trained' #but when you say that people hear 'you havent trained your dog well enough' and get mad. when its true. train your fucking dog #cause if it runs and me and bites me the Powers That Be can decide its the best thing to do to put the dog down #and i dont want that and i bet you dont want that. #dogs // #im not interested in any arguments about how i need to learn dog behaviour or whatever. control your own damn dog #dog death mention in tags #.jtxt

[arolesbianism]

Thinking abt my dupe ocs again... Maybe Quinn does have hashtag issues actually

#rat rambles #oni posting #oc posting #theyre very well known and liked amongst all the colonies as y'know. they helped found all of them. #and theyve always been very friendly and kind and they have always taken their responsibilities incredibly seriously #and when they get time to be on a planet they relish it as they have a great deal of appreciation for the beauty of these worlds #but one thing that has always been a thing for them is that they've never rly had like. friends amongst these colonies #partially because of them having to travel constantly but even when they get time to hang out more theyve sort of unconsciously trained #themself to be a bit emotionaly detached from those around them #it also doesnt help that theyre a digger and usually one of like 2 or 3 on any given planetoid #which earlier on meant thar they rarely encountered other dupes and late on left then with little to do as most of the ongoing work was #already being managed by others specifically trained for the role #so the isolation started to get to them and they started to get rly antsy and didn't know why or how to fix it #when the printing pod went offline they were one of the ones more calm abt the matter due to them being generally more used to the unknown #and this combined with their general good reputation lead to a lot of dupes looking to them for direction and answers alongside burt #this actually made quinn feel rly good for a while since it was their excuse to actually talk to ppl regularly and in more personal ways #theyd hear out ppls anxieties and ideas and newest passions and goals and theyd actually feel like theyre hearing the words said #they liked the feeling of everyone wanting to be around them and seeking them out even on other planetoids #they'd get phone calls and people taking breaks from their work to come say hi and it made them feel real #but as time went on and their fellow dupes became more and more self reliant they began to seek them out less and less #because why bother someone so important and busy when you dont need to right? #and this lead to quinn going wait no why did you all leave me again :( #it felt like before but worse because now they actually had started considering a lot of these guys friends #and they still had no idea how to reach out themself without a work reason and as such they sorta started dissolving again #and its during this time when they start missing the pod and start to get more upset that shes gone #they end up returning to the original partially to be closer to her and partially because it feels the most like home to them #there they start to slowly learn to reach out themself as they sort of sit in a corner watching burt work while shaking like a small dog #this at first is very unwanted by burt who is stressed as hell but they end up forcing him to stick to an actual shift instead of just #working until he passes out and this allows them to hang out while they force him to have downtime with them to keep him from exploding #it becomes a nice comfort time for them both as they rly havent hung out much since the first like 100 cycles or so

[blowmymongrelmind]

im gonna die right at the table of this cafe, in protest

#sage.txt #i only came to this cafe bc my Usual cafe was blocked by a stopped train and im a fucking pedestrian #walked in sweaty mostly just need some food so i can make it the 2 hr bus ride to my 3rd choice cafe #theyre out of bagels. which is the Only Food they sell on premise natch. i order a cold brew #just gonna sip this cool down and wait for the bus that comes in an hour. so i can take my 2 hr ride to the first food ill be eating today #they call me up to tell me the cold brew machine is broke (why is there a machine. just brew the coffee cold) #i ask for an iced americano with no ice instead. they only make their americanos with hot water then add ice to cool them #(why is there no cold water with which to mix the espresso. you dont have to explain americanos to me i understand how theyre created) #i say ok forget the no ice lol ill just have the americano. they give me a hot americano #im gonna overheat and also starve at this very table and then they will realize