#I feel like I need to apologize to Ked for posting about peacocks when I know jack about peacocks

[mommalosthermind]

Kaeya thoughts part a lot: This is stream of consciousness, not really thought out at all, but I’m making it the tag’s problem anyway because I Can. So. Apologies in advance, this is messy and ridiculous.

Side effect of writing fic about characters with very inconsistent canon personalities, possibly, but I find myself thinking about the choice to have Kaeya’s constellation be the peacock. Especially as I’ve discovered the way I tend to write him is… specific.

From what little I know of birds, (which is very little. I grew up in a kennel, y’all, not a bird run, I can talk Great Danes for days, but I know jack shit about birds besides Pretty and Loud) the eyespots are meant for attracting a mate. This isn’t necessarily relevent, but I do tend to always have shipper lenses on, so it is also…not not-relevant? …moving on.

My silly rabbit hole is more about symbols.

Peacocks are stunning. Bright colors, lots of contrast, a fan of glorious feathers much larger than their bodies, utterly covered in false eyes. They’re meant to be flashy and attention-getting.

But it’s not actually the peacock you’re looking at, is it?

The tail, those false eyes, that’s what you’re looking at when you marvel at a peacock. Not the bird itself. I mean, sure, you might drop your eyes for a moment and coo over the brilliant sapphire feathers on the body, the little fluffy bits around the head, maybe the delicate curve of their neck, or just how tiny their head seems in comparison. But it’s the damn tail that you’re centered on, that you’re supposed to be staring at.

I know it’s hardly revolutionary, but every now and then I just have to sit with the realization that this is exactly what Kaeya, what little we’ve been given, is.

He’s beautiful, he’s bright, he’s carefully cultivated his appearance to be eye-catching. He seems to modify his behaviors and even his voice to keep whoever’s attention he’s after, and then he shifts that attention to exactly where he wants it.

Kaeya as he presents himself is his own tail, his own false, misleading eye. And since you’re looking there, you’re not looking at the smaller parts of him that are Real Kaeya. You’re missing his actual goals or intentions.

Add in the fact that he’s got an eye-patch, the possibility of an otherworldly eye hidden beneath it, add in the various godly Oculus— the god’s eyes scattered throughout Teyvat, the way the visions themselves are also sometimes referred to as gods’ eyes, and it just makes it a little more interesting to me that Kaeya’s ‘destiny’ is represented by an animal known for being covered in gorgeous, attention funneling fake eyes.

Then, of course, there’s other things, like how supposedly peacocks are surprisingly delicate needy idiots, and well. How could he have ever been anything else?

In all fifty billion of my wips, I can’t seem to escape the fact that Kaeya is both the lure and the trap. He’s turned himself into the target, the siren’s call, but in such a way where *his* target never notices the teeth they’ve walked right into. How could they? They’re too busy being lost in beautiful blue eyes that aren’t there.

But, Archons, he wishes someone would find the real one. Just once, and maybe, if he plays his cards right, they’ll keep him close.

#kaeya #genshin impact #momma talks #random thoughts I had because tumblr showed me a stunning shot of a peacock and my brain is awful #I feel like I need to apologize to Ked for posting about peacocks when I know jack about peacocks #I Do Apologize to peacocks for any untentional slander youre lovely #Im just stuck on the part where kaeya is ENTIRELY standing in the middle of mond #and all but begging someone *cough—* to SEE HIM AS HE IS #while doing every fucking thing he can to make sure no one ever sees anything he hasn’t already approved #which is nothing #i have feelings and I should be writing and this is entirely hoyo’s fault for their weird inconsistency with personality #THE MAN WANTS YOU TO LOOK #but then HE WEARS ARMOR AND SPIKES to make SURE you won’t get too close #wont be tempted to reach out and realize he’s a mirage #oh god imma write an essay in the tags i need to go back to my WIP and pour this out there instead the fuck is wrong with me #im. so sorry lmao