#I feel so fucking sad bro idek

[evansbby]

I cannot believe the wicked games Drabble was 5000 words long like basically a full ass fic and the low amount of notes it got…

#it makes my heart literally SINK like… #now how am I supposed to post wg4 which is 25k words???? #it will not get any interaction and I’m just done #like I just cannot post it #it’ll legit kill me 🥲🥲🥲🥲 to see it flop #after I poured my heart and soul into writing something so fucking long and making sure it was good #just bc I knew I had to give you guys something long and exciting to read #but what’s the point #like I cannot believe it… I literally just cannot believe it and I don’t want to post anything anymore #omfg #I know many people will read this and roll their eyes and find this annoying #like I’m complaining or whatever #honestly think what you want to think #I’m just so shocked and legit unhappy #like so fucking unhappy #like bummed the fuck out #that it’s come to this #I don’t wanna post shit anymore lol #idk if it’s the algorithm or genuinely people don’t fuck with my fics anymore #I just don’t understand #but you guys have to understand how it would kill me on the inside if I posted a 25k fic and it got next to no interaction #like I just…. #I’m scared it would make me quit writing completely #bc I’m THIS close #I feel so fucking sad bro idek #like it makes me wanna fucking cry #how… a few months ago everything was fine #now it feels like everyone’s gone #and I wasted my fucking time writing a chapter so fucking long that no one’s gonna read #WHY DID I WASTE MY TIME

[kuiinncedes]

fngfdjngjdfkng

#bro fucking stupid like why did i just not look at applying to masters until now #i'm so dumb like ig it was bc i ws just like i'm not gonna do masters im just gonna try to get a job #which like how the fuck am i supposed to do that lmao but #now i dont think i can even apply for masters at my school at least #bc i need fucking letters of rec and the deadline is the 15th #and i Barely have 2 ppl i would ask for letter of rec idek if the second one counts lmfao if she's not at my school #jfc im so why do i have to think about the future :c i just wanna do glowstick club things that's why i haven't been thinkign abt this lmfa #yeah so now i dont think i can do masters here :c which also means i dont have that as a reason to hang around and stay in glowstick clublo #i could still do that but #ugh whatever im trying to write a fucking cover letter rn for a job i hate this already i've barely done anything lmfao #i dont super understand the job description which is maybe a sign i shouldnt apply lmfao but it's like #data science w my year and i feel like i meet some of the qualifications so #just gotta somehow bullshit another paragraph of this cover letter together #i also dont even know if i actualy wanna fucking do a data analyst job like #i kinda wanna work for like a non profit or smaller org kinda thing all this shit sounds hella boring that i keep seeing for bigger #companies lmao which im not saying would no be the case for smaller but #idk i jsigsdfhjlbgpidwurhgbipwdhgfudjshlk why did i start this so late LMAO #i had a job opening that i was gonna apply for that looked pretty good and i felt pretty qualified for just based on the listing #and the deadline was the 15th but it fucking disappeared the job isnt there anymore ig im so sad lmfao #as;lkfngbjifbgqipurgipqhrgfipuaf i hate this :DDDDDD #jeanne talks

[tokio-motel]

i thought of this shi in class so why not give it to u

ngl u be needin more kaulitz twin stuff they be so cute💀 any type of fic bro i do not careeeeeee headcannons or fic u choose cuz im too lazy too🥰

ANYWAY

ahem

kaulitz twins bro who got a bf who is jus mean asf💀 like he's always mad n shi like there is no 'soft spot' for them tf he'll cuss them mfs out too just cause they started dating aint mean SHIT🙅🏾🙅🏾🙅🏾 he will back hand them no hesitation(too far but he still gon push em or smth)

but another thing i thought of is if he realized he actually hurt they feelings bro maybe at the same time or separate idk(bill or tom didnt say anything or show it but you could see) and since he doesn't know how to say sorry bro decided to be nice and fucking sweet🤷🏾 jus for a lil while tho🧍🏾making them food waking them up(IN A NICE WAY) giving them hugs letting them hug him(bro prolly hit them if they tried to hug him before) kiss them n shi doing cute couple stuff bro the basics he does not follow😪🤞🏾

a thought jus crossed me tom thinkin his bf fuckin broke like r u good🤨🤨🤨

KAULITZ TWINS X MEAN READER

doing seperate cuz i CANNOT write rn idek brah m gonna quit or smthhh 😭😭😭

BILL:

・I feel like he loves affection so much 🙁🙁

・He understands boundaries, he makes sure not to cross them

・BUT DEAR GOD HE JUS WANTS TO HOLD YOUUUUUU

・Pouts a little when you swat his hand away but overall tries not to make a big deal 'outta it

"don't hug me brah."

"....my bad."

・His love language has to do with more physical touch so it PAINS the mf but like 🤷🏻🤷🏻

・Sometimes the things you would say to him stung, but he knows that's just how you are and you don't mean to intentionally hurt him...or he hopes so.

・It gets to the point when he's blinking back tears, shrugging his shoulders and looking anywhere but you

・nahhh tbh he probably thinks he's dreaming when you start being nice

・like if YOU stretch out your arms for a hug? he's running to you and laughing omll

・If you only do this for a few days he takes ADVANTAGE of it.

・bro does not leave your side...like at all.

TOM:

・not that big on physical affection himself, he likes it but can definitely go without it

・Although it sucks he can't occasionally hug you or pull you to his side, often daydreams of holding you like that even though you're already together 🙁

・Doesn't know how to feel if you push his hand away, swat him on the arm, etc

・Like...bro's kinda sad but he knows you love him...hopefully. 💀

・Randomally slugging him in the arm? ohh shit he's mad

・DOESN'T REALLY LIKE YELL BUT OH MY LORDDD

"m/n what the fuck."

"wha'd i do?"

・He doesn't really care if you say something rude or snarky, words don't really get to him

・But damnn bro's getting cussed out and all he wanted to do was hold your hand while walking 😭😭😭

・EEEE MAKING HIM BREAKFAST IN BED? bro thinks your playing a trick on him tbh

"here, tom." and then it's just a plate full of fucking eggs, bacon, pancakes, etc.

・he thinks you're acting strange but bro gobbles that shit DOWNNN

#grammar is not going well rn #mb lol #tokio hotel x female reade #tokio hotel x reader #tokio hotel x male reader #tokio hotel x you #tokio hotel #bill kaulitz x you #bill kaulitz x reader #bill kaulitz x male reader #bill kaulitz #tom kaulitz x male reader #tom kaulitz x y/n #tom kaulitz x you #tom kaulitz x reader #tom kaulitz #is that it idek

[unknwnxquantity]

There is no one from my past that I want back romantically. I’ve healed past all that and made peace with things thankfully. But there are ppl I miss being friends withhhh 😭 like this one girl. It’s a little messy with her bc she was one of my ex best friend’s hs gf. He introduces her to that friend group and I don’t think she liked me much at the time bc I was super close to that friend (and I was his first kiss Idek if she knows that lmao) anyways yeah we were just mutuals for years. Then ended up unfollowing each other on stuff. Which is fine, no hard feelings we weren’t close lol

Fast fwd to peak covid she hits me up out the blue. Refollows me when my ig was still public and id write my silly deep descriptions, DMs me on ig on some “I know this is random but I’ve been feeling lost lately and I just read some of your IG posts. I aligned with all that you said, my soul is calling to you and I really feel like I need you in my life” and some “it feels like every cell in my body is aligned, my ears are ringing, I really feel like I needed to hit you up. Your energy is pulling me in” And I’m like uhm…. Ms girl? What? lol. Me being who I am, a part of me is like omg she feels called to meeee and sees meeee but another part is like …😀? You are this man’s ex hitting me on some “crazy” shit. It was like a couple paragraphs of saying verbatim what I said and how she was feeling lost in life and clicked on my post and then it all started clicking. I responded back kinda vaguely and then days later she’s like hey I didn’t mean to scare you but I never felt that aligned and something so right in my life and was just so excited. And I’m like okay you got me lol let’s be friends and talk about spirituality. Bc I was also going through like a second awakening during 2020, like another huge spiritual journey. This was a phase of me just talking to new ppl on tiktok, tinder, etc, old friends, etc.

People told me not to trust her. They said don’t do it. But I’m glad I trusted her when I did. We’d talk about the most small but intricate stuff bro. From h0lly w3ird, to the stuff that starts with an A that’s depicted in monsters inc (I was going DOWN all types of dark rabbit hole conspiracies with others too during that time, it’s sad but it’s what’s happening behind the curtains)… all the stuff you can’t talk about on social media basically lol to spirituality. Deep rooted, ancient practices, rituals, astrology, medicine, holistic approaches, etc. or even random shit like how a leaf resembles human veins, and that the whole of one human represents a whole of one tree, and how it plays into a whole ecosystem of things. And how trees and humans are similar to one cell. Theres millions and billions, and yet it can be narrowed down to just one for our brains to try and comprehend the endlessness of the universe. Or like this one time I sent her a pic of the trees while I was in nature at this park I’d go to a lot during covid, that helped me heal a lot and I’d go on walks with my family and that started our little walks and talks, and for the first time ever I was close to my mom, bc of those walks. But anyways I sent her a pic and was like hey I thought of you and I sent a voice memo I think idk. But I remember her being like ���I wonder what the birds are saying when they chirp.” And I was like YOOOOOO that really rocked my world. Like what are they talking about amongst each other? What other conversations have they had today? What are their day to day lives like? What is their level of consciousness? Do they realize they do the same shit everyday but that everyday is always a little bit different? A different route to fly, a different bug to eat, a different person they see at that same moment just going about their own consciousness? Do they realize the earth is dying around them? We all cross paths and yet never bat an eye to each other and not realize how fucking cool but random life is. We had a lot of talks like that. It felt like someone really got it. How mysterious and infinite life is. Infinite infinities, infinite everything it hurts my brain to think about. It’s all happening at the same time. Every timeline, every life, every fucking thing. Our death our past lives our future lives are all happening at the same time!! Are you even real? Am I the only consciousness and everyone else is a projection that was randomly set by the simulation? Why am I in this particular simulation? WHO am I really? That’s a scary theory I try not to align with that one. I need to stop my hearts beating fast.

Wait one more. Another random thing that came to mind is why do I feel pain if I bang my hand on the counter? Or a hard surface? What makes a surface hard? Why instead of pain, why don’t I feel happiness or yodel (yodel is never apart of my vocabulary idk why out of all words that was what I thought of)? Who decided that the feeling of pain is the appropriate reaction for when you bang your body part on something? What is pain? Why does emotional pain hurt more than physical? I know why, but who in the simulation made the rules like this???? Why does it rain from up above, but not from the ground up? Why does it rain period? WHO looked at the rain and said “yup let’s call this rain”? My mind always thinks like this sober bro that’s y I can’t smoke bc then I really start to see the world happening all in one moment it’s too much.

Going into my memories thinking about this is making me feel a little weird. Like I should leave her in the past. Which I am! But I’m always like no it’s okay let’s go through these weird feelings i didn’t need to bring up and explore it even if it makes you feel weird for the next couple hours or days. Just to revisit them.. I’m allowed to reflect.

Back to the original plot of the story, I had to cut her out my life tho bc she betrayed my trust. We started to like each other a little but she was in DR with her grandma for the summer. We’d talk almost everyday til she got back and we were suppose to meet up then she stopped responding for a bit. Something was off and she didn’t admit to it at first. Til she randomly tells me like hey.. I didn’t know how to tell you this but I moved in with my ex bf bc my family didn’t wanna take me back in (which is why she went to her grandmas in the first place). I felt so fucking betrayed. I stopped talking to her and she would text me hoping to forgive her and that she really missed me. I already knew she wasn’t the most trustworthy person to begin with, when I learned the tea as to why ex best friend and her broke up. I can’t really go into too many details, it was something she did, but she never told me herself so idk. lol but yeah. Even months after that, I accepted her apology bc it wasn’t really that deep in retrospect. But then I had to cut her off bc she said something while I was in my relationship about having a dream about me and we made out…. And once my gf found out about that bc ofc that’s gonna have to come up. There was other little things too that happened with her where my gf was like no she cannot be in your life if we’re in this relationship bc that’s disrespectful and she’s crossed boundaries. Which I agree. I cut her off out the blue tho, even after we had a convo about us being on good terms. It sucks but sometimes you gotta do what’s right to protect your relationships energy. She even re requested to follow me on IG over a year ago tho and that’s just a bit messy. Messy girl. That right there proves she does not take loyalty in relationships seriously. But is that unfair to say? She’s in one tho with a man traveling living her best life. Hope she’s doing good. Okay edit……. I found out she’s pregnant?? What is life. Congrats tho fr

Idk what the point of this was. I was feeling nostalgic this morning. I’m slowly learning that just bc you miss someone doesn’t mean they need to be in your life. Past me would be like BUT BUT WHY, WHY CANT PPL JUST GIVE INTO THEIR EMOTIONS :( But now I’m like I get it. Logically sometimes things are left better untouched. It’s a balance of knowing when and when not to do something even if you really want to. And even if the good intention is there, life’s about reading the room and trusting the universe. Not trying to bring things back to life when it’s better left untouched or at least untouched in this moment. Maybe it’s done for the rest of your life, or maybe just for this period of time in your human experience. It’s like when the media makes more and more sequels of a movie that was better off with just the one movie. Like Toy Story 3 and 4 wasn’t necessary. It was cute. But it tarnishes a little the image of how beautiful Toy Story 1 and 2 were. Or like jersey shore family vacation, like y’all need to dead that already. Again, it’s all about reading the room. You can’t just give into your impulses. That’s a main struggle I have too. So I’m trying to become more disciplined. That’s part of what life’s about (s/o to my Virgo north node🤪🥲).

#unknwnxquantity

[ididkn0w]

Baby good morning😞 I’ve missed you so much I’ve been thinking about ur face. So lemme tell u ab my day so far. Babe I don’t want u to get up alrrrr😞😞 I haven’t stopped imaging us together like us pretending to be babies and sad for a kissss😭. We would hold hands everywhere n talk like best friends and take the coolest pictures of each other and laugh all the time. Ok so I’m at a resturaunt now I typed everything from before yes like nothing but bc bro I’ve been on this tour n I haven’t been able to have anyone off my fucking ass n when he talks n we stand there like I can’t be on my phone. So basically Idek if I alr started but idc I’ll repeat myself. So we hadda leave and whatever and we met up with the tour guide and I was not feeling good at all man I had the biggest headache n I was so nauseous man I was feeling so so bad like horrible. We got on a like team I guess from the city and we got to the first place and he was explaining shit I never payed attention bruh I’ve been bad in the morning and then the rest of the day I think I’ve been like hella dissaciated I’m ngl I might not even say much cus the whole day I’ve just been feeling like shit n I rlly was not like present. So then this was at like 9:30. Bro I can’t with my grandparents they treat me like I’m 7 all day every day it’s so much bro. Ok so then they were going into this sultans palace and Ik all ab this btw😅 I like history especially the ottoman one. Ok so we alr went there when I came like two years ago so I was like aight imma head out like u guys go check that out I’ll wait for u guys here bc they haven’t come before. So I waited for them and so i fell asleep on a bench😭 for two hours😭 like straight up public bench at a park n ofc I woke up every once in a while but I was so bad like I couldn’t keep falling asleep n like everytjme I woke up it was random ppl sitting next to me and whatever n I would check the time like damn they’re still not back. But thankfully I was sleeping bc wtf would I have done for two hours n then finally I woke up all super good n happy n motivated I felt so much better and then I was like fuck like how much longer will I have to wait like awake doing nothing. N thankfully they came like 15 min after. So then bruh I literally don’t even rmb what we did lemme see my pics. Oh yes there’s a pic of a baby bc I want to have a baby with u. And that was the bench where I slept at. N then we went to a cafe nearby n we tried postres and I had this drink it was rlly yummy. And more moon underthink sorta signs. Then we went to this underground thing and like I wasn’t having it so whateverrrrrr n like it used to be an aqueduct for the sultan some shit like that. And it was actually cool n they had Roman gods and goddesses in there bc the ottoman used to be scared of the Roman’s. Then we went to a very pretty mosque. I LOVE GOING TO MOSQUES. Middle eastern countries are def my second favorite place to go/have been after Thailand. Yes Ik our number one is Thailand😆😆 I love that we twin like that I love you. Ik we’re gonna go together. I need to be rich and travel with u. My number 3 is Russia. U have to take me to Ghana. Then we went to a market obv spice market but they had other stuff especially fake stuff this is where I brought my fake yeezy slides😭 imma buy another pair😭 easy to like trash them yk what I mean n I also want a fake bag but u might convince me otherwise lmk (u my stylist) imma go to those shops tomorrow. Then we went to a rooftop n im showing u my pimple. Then we left n then we got on the metro n we’re at this popular restaurant I took pics of ppl who have been here before for u that yk. Bro oh my god I just got up the did a whole show for us they even threw a plate and they made me hold this bread that said Colombia I was so fucjing red oh my god. If I didn’t give u much details or I’m not all being funny n shit perdon Bebe I’ve been pretty mad. I’ve just been wanting to get home n talk to u. Acabo de comer bebe now I’m in the bathroom shitting. The food was very yummy im just anxious bc I just wanna talk

[gladiolidiaries]

do you think we'll ever get a good content schedule from them? i feel like a broken record talking about it, and maybe i'm just too hopeful but i miss their dynamic and fun silly minecraft videos. now it just seems like they can't settle on what to do since they need to work on the next big thing or just something new that hasn't been done before.

tbh i get it for dream the pressure is always high on him especially as the top mc channel who was known for being one of the best at the game, manhunt, the speedruns, and having consistent hits. plus he just has so much shit going on 😭💀 people hate him for crying, and ppl are now calling him random ass nasty words like everyone is out to get his ass 💀. and his mc content could honestly in my humble opinion change things positivity for himself and dteam as a whole. plus the drituation thing// whatever is going on with that... so i get him if he wants to plan new things because pressure is definitely high. at least we get some casual still fun mc videos in between. the problem is when that's going to be released.

now george idek what's going on he said he got a project he's working on./but what if it's really just some behind the scene work/business and we've just fucking delusional. can someone just make him a model he would love it tbh. plus we're never going to get another minecraft but my friend is... because he said they're old now (?) or boring i forgot what. i really want his youtube career back, but if he doesn't want to i wish we could get fun irl streams again. i feel like if he at least was consistent doesnt have to be a weekly thing maybe even monthly would be good with some tweet announcement in advance it would be so much fun..

now sapnap,,, i like his mc content the last dteam videos were so good, but everytime i finished a video i would just get sad because we wont have another one for who knows how long.. plus he's not overly obnoxious in his youtube vids so it's fun and makes me like him a lot... his streams --he's so inconsistent,, bro keeps lying to us-- i like them sometimes but i get annoyed at how he practically has nothing planned (i get it's a 'daily' thing) and sometimes when i see him yawn i get annoyed because broooo... i wish he could actually play his hardcore world and do fun little adventures on there that would be fun to watch,, but bro just sings along to songs (it just happens all the time)..

they fumble so hard.. like sapnap could be doing so much more on his streams, but since he just waits around obviously only his very dedicated fanbase will watch or others would just watch recaps since it's not really a you need to be there thing. dream needs to get his shit together and start giving himself harsh deadlines or something like that so he can start pushing things out. george well i wish he could stream, we /hannah give him countless ideas..... just miss dreamteam honestly,, give me back the three mc nerds please.... i really just want their mc videos back

honestly i'm past waiting and i'm past caring at this point. i think its bc my hyperfix died but i can't even make myself care anymore, i've reached acceptance about how they handle their career and content.

i don't think that regular dteam content is coming, ever 😭

[defensivelee]

HELLO I wanna scream about this insane novel called Dark Eagle: A Novel of Benedict Arnold and the American Revolution by John Ensor Harr and you’ll never fuckin guess but it’s about Benedict Arnold. I have a lot to say about it actually so,,,,carry on if you want to,,,TW for mentions of pedophilia

also the image quality is a little SHIT sorry about that >:(

FIRST OFF I actually like this book for the most part. It was written in a tolerableee way in toleraaaable language and Arnold was really fun to read. I always see him as trying to act as some Tigerstar-esque villain (from the Warrior cats series) but he can literally never manage it because he’s surrounded by some average dude-bros. But this book somehow does it right even though everyone else is even more dude-bro than before. Arnold is just the right amount of menacing and (unintentionally) goofy in this book so it’s fun to read him fucking up everything!

That being said this book explains a ton and I mean LIKE A TON. Harr out here acting like he’s explaining this to 12-year-olds. WHICH HE ISN’T. I’M NOT TWELVE AND YOU’RE NOT EITHER. SOME OF YOU ARE EVEN 400!

Anyway Gates is here. Gates was one of my first dead blorbos so it was really amusing to see him here! He’s so UNNECESSARILY FUNNY ISTG

I HAD TO READ THAT WITH MY EYES MR. HARR 😭😭

Well if you know me you know I’m an absolute SLUT for Arnold and Gates before they fell out and this book is chef’s fucking kiss for that. It is SO NICE and SO SWEET how it shows their friendship like they’re just fucking DUDES man. THEY’RE JUST BROS HANGING OUT

ISN’T THIS THE NICEST FUCKING THING!!! Like FUCK MAN what happened at Saratoga DESTROYS ME especially with how Harr portrays it because they’re such!!! friends!!! Anyway yeah I’m so normal about that thanks Mr. Harr you get a 10/10 on this aspect

Now about Peggy and Arnold....FUCK IT THEY’RE ADORABLE HERE LIKE HARR SAID “y’all are going to LOVE EACH OTHER” and just jkdjksjkdsjkd

LIKE ALL OF THIS!! IS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW!! He keeps on thinking she’s beautiful and she’s so supportive and dkjfkjdskjsjkajsj they’re so in love here. THANK YOU AGAIN MR. HARR 10/10 ON THIS!!

In general I think Arnold slaps here and I will talk about him again at the end because this is a novel about him after all! But now I want to talk about *drumroll* JOHN FUCKING BURGOYNE!!!

Honestly I don’t have a lot to say on him. Why the fuck was he even here. He’s ffffine I guess and we get to have him staring at some tits and this really hilarious scene where he looks at himself in the mirror

rlflrlpfppwppwwqwqqqq okay then Mr. Burgoyne

I feel like he’s just here for comic relief tbh kind of unnecessary BUT I’m not complaining because he was still funny. If Harr was trying to make me laugh he won.

It’s André time now,,,,BASICALLY IDEK BECAUSE MR. HARR MADE HIM GAY AS FUCK and also kind of a creep because he had this weird interest in an eleven-year-old boy??

*sigh* I guess this is Mr. Harr’s novel and André being a fuckin twink is fine ig but it just feels like the casual pedophilia thrown in is like?? just going along with the stereotype that every gay man wants your little son?? idk if that was Harr’s intention but it just irks me because HI I’M GAY

But let me tell you something André proceeding to be Clinton’s boyfriend shot me, hit me across the head like a frying pan, etc, etc.

Now here again we have a mention of André’s sick “preferences” and then it just seems like he went ahead and rolled his ass over just for the promotion. Which alright valid I guess but JESUS IT’S SO FUCKING INSANE

And then there’s this scene. It’s probably the funniest thing I’ve ever read in any book ever,

But then there’s that and idkkk yeahhh pretty accurate,,,this is after he receives that last letter from André and he would deffo burst into tears over it! So very sad actually if I had read that without the knowledge that Clinton was tapping that ass here I would have cried :((

The death scene was fine. idk kinda boring

BUT NOW HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT LAST PART??? THE VERY LAST PAGE??? Let me tell you something man before my being on this hellsite was even dreamed about (where I found this book thank you Horacio), my thoughts, my headcanon said that when everyone found out André died, they would all stand around the table and Clinton would look up at Arnold and give him a hard stare.

And then they would all glare at him, blaming him entirely for André’s death, and he would back away and leave, limp away, in this sort of daze.

SO

THIS BOOK ACTUALLY DID THAT??? LIKE MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY

WHAT THE FUCKKKKK MAN I GET CHILLS FROM READING THIS EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Like this is EXACTLY it THANK YOU MR. HARR. I’m so obsessed with this ending for the book it’s fucking PERFECT. This is actually my favorite thing about the book and words cannot describe how fucking normal I am about this.

Overall, I could read this again without dying, André is just fucking ANNOYING. Why can’t a piece of media get him RIGHT for God’s sake

But otherwise a solid book and I enjoyed it fr!! If you have a sense of humor you should be good to read it. It’s all here https://archive.org/details/darkeaglenovelof00harr/mode/2up (though I own a physical copy)

#phew this was long #benedict arnold #whalecum to my opinions #john burgoyne #sir henry clinton #john andré #peggy shippen

[birbfeeder2artisticboogaloo]

thousand autumns donghua, episode 14~

(episode 14 already??? IS IT ALMOST OVER?? OH NOOO I’M HAVING TOO MUCH FUN ;A;)

AH our intrepid duo have arrived at bixia sect!!!

aww the cute bby likes the scener--OH MY GOD EVERYONE IS DEAD

OH NOOOO THIS IS TERRIBLE!!! WTF???!??

i am glad that shiwu is getting some extra trauma btw, it'd be a shame if he had a normal childhood after all this

YAN WUSHI'S EYES WENT ALL PURPLE!!

he frowmn >:( like dis >:(

oh!!! my son is here MY SON IS HERE HI BBY!!!!

UH. wow the old man wiping blood off his mouth in a. kinda sexy manner??? hawt. 😳😳😳

yu shengyan all worried about him ;A; the letter, all symbolically splattered with blood ;A; wHAT A SCENE

is this a flashback??

ruan hailou!!! idk u yet but my opinion is low bc u and pu anmi are killing these ppl who seem v nice

AAAAHHHH TOO MANY NAMES!!! i'm getting a bit overwhelmed by all the introductions!! i’ll try my best, but pls forgive me if i get names wrong or miss a few ;A;

yue kunchi, ok he's a disciple here....that miniature chinstrap beard thing on him is....a choice 👀

also some of these other dudes have got like,,,,,,,sort of khitan style hair arrangements?? they look rad tho 💅

GIRL NO DON'T PROTECC HIM WITH UR BODY!!!

OHHH it's not a flashback!! SHEN QIAO ARRIVES JUST IN TIME TO HELP!!!!

lmao ruan hailou thinks he's the main character, it's very cute

ahh is pu anmi from the south then?? his animations are rly good actually, like i can just FEEL the disdain dripping off him, i can imagine him as an actual human in a live-action drama like, i've seen ppl do these....movements!! I LIKE IT!!!

ooh they gonna fight?? they gonna fight 😤

EWWWWWW HE LICKED THE SWORD!! DONT LICK UR SWORD MAN!! DO U KNOW HOW MANY DISEASES ARE BLOOD-BORNE. DO U WANT EVERY HEPATITIS. UR NOT SAFE FROM PLAGUE SIR

aww yisss now they fighting >:D

OH SHIT SHEN QIAO IS SHOWING HIM UP

FIGHTING TWO AT ONCE???? GET EM SHEN QIAO!!!! U ARE SUCH A BADASS SHEN QIAO!!!!

shen qiao is the epitome of 'float like a butterfly, sting like a bee' today with his gentle winds ability!!! such beautiful martial arts!! 🤩

i love how there's always a guy describing the fight for us, the audience lmao 🤣 like a sports announcer or something, but for martial arts 🤣

FUCK YEAH THIS FIGHT SCENE GOES SO HARD!!!! THIS IS GREAT!!!!

WOOOOOO!!!!

Zhao Chiying!!! A LADY SECT LEADER!!! she is beautiful omg ;A; she is so pretty and graceful ;A; they all respect her so much ;A;

bixia disciples: great to see u zongzhu!! ur killing it zongzhu!! :D

lol ruan hailou looks like he just saw his ex at a party. awwwkwarrrrdddd

OH SHIT ZHAO CHIYING IS KNEELING TO THIS LOSER?????

she is so polite!!! she's a better man than i tbh!! i would never bc i am impolite as fuck :D couldn't be me luv, couldn't be me 😌👌

SUCH HONOUR. SUCH DIGNITY.

ohhh was........was ruan hailou accused of assaulting the previous master's daughter?? but he didn't do it, and he was wrongfully exiled from bixia sect?? maybe the subtitles are a bit unclear, or maybe i'm a bit dumb, or maybe it's both (it's probably both lol)

aaaawwwwww the disciples love her so much ;A;

OH GREAT EVERYONE IS NOW CRYING

wtf is even happening anymore??? im so confused lol

lol yeah girl u could have intervened BEFORE ur disciples got killed but whatever

now pu anmi is a prisoner to bixia sect!!! they have ONE DUDE, one SKINTY DUDE, taking him away, unrestrained. that won’t end poorly at all (unless the plot declares otherwise lol 🤣)

pu anmi: U GUYS SUCK!! MY SHIZUN WILL RESCUE ME!! AND UR STUPID BOYFRIEND YAN WUSHI IS GONNA DIE!!! >:(

shen qiao: :(  but we're not friends anymore :(

OH SHIT IS THIS GUY GONNA KILL HIMSELF???? DON'T DO IT BRO WAIT WAIT

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OH MY GOD HE JUST

HE JUST WENT OVER THE CLIFF LIKE

THAT WAS SO FUCKING SAD???? IDEK WHAT HIS DEAL WAS BUT WAS THIS REALLY THE ANSWER??? poor fucking man, he was a twat but like........i feel quite bad for the man!! nobody deserves to feel that there's no way out besides taking their own life ._. even if u have done really bad things....u can do better! as long as ur alive, things can change!!!

poor shiwu....standing by the table, wiping his tears....he's seen SO much ;A; my poor bby boyyyy i wanna hug him ;A; COME TO BIRB'S WINGS, CHILD!! I SHALL SHIELD YE FROM HARM!!! :V

shen qiao: well i brought shifu's kid all the way here :)

zhao chiying: yyyeah about that. can u keep him actually??

shen qiao: u couldn't have told me this BEFORE WE WALKED ALL THE WAY HERE?? :) whatever fine i'll keep him, he's mine now :)

AWWWW SHIWU'S KOWTOW WAS SO EXCITED!!! HE'S SO HAPPY OMG!!!!! SWEET CUTE BABBY ;A;

HE SNATCH THE TEA FROM ZHAO CHIYING BC HE'S SO EAGER TO HAND IT OVER OH MY GODDDD ;A;

btw are his parents and sister dead now?? his old man's probably in gaol for taking another child hostage but his mum and sister were starving to death on a bridge. do u suppose they sold him to zhu lengquan. do u think they got a good price

shen qiao: btw can i stay over ur place?? i need to kill a man :)

zhao chiying: sure why not lol

#birb watches #thousand autumns donghua #qian qiu #i am having such a great time with this #im sad it's nearly overrr ;A; #cw suicide mention #he's a fictional character but i won't risk triggering somebody over a silly review like this

[exactlysizzlingdonut]

I. JJTS FINISHED WATCHING MONSTER AND HOLYYYYYYY FUCK

IM SO SAD THAT THIS IS THE END 🙁

SPOILERS!!

NO WAY JOHAN ESCAPED AGAIN BRO HE'S GONNA FUCK EVERYTHING UP 💀

ALSO TENMA IS SUCH A SWEETHEART WHAT THE HELL.. JOINING DOCTORS WITHOUT BORDERS HES A GEM I CANT BELIEVE THE LACK OF TENMA CONTENT AFTER ALL THE GOOD THINGS THAT HE HAS DONE FOR EVERYBODY IN THIS SERIES

ABSOLUTE GEM OF A MAN I CANT EVEN EXPRESS HOW I FEEL ABOUT JIM WITHOUT SOUNDING FERAL AND CRINGE CRONGE (potential verbal appreciation post? It’ll probs be rotting in my drafts HAHSHD)

Also can we talk about how pretty Nina’s voice is when she’s serious, it really reminds me of nausicaa’s voice WHIHC IS A WIN WIN!

Really wanted to find out their real names

ALSO WHEN ROBERTO WAS ADOLF REIN WHATEVER??? THINKJNG ABOIT HOW GRIMMER WAS TALKING ABT HIS BESTIE OMG I NEARLY CRIED BRO.

THAT ALSO LEFT ME WITH MY JAW DROPPED BECAUSE NAW WHAT THE HELL HOW DO U EXPECT ME TO CASUALLY REGISTER THAT INFORMATION WHEN YOU DROP SUCH A BIG BOMB ON ME. AT LEAST WARN ME 😀

Johan being a menace to society (in the worst way possible) never fails to make me giggle

Adding on, Roberto is a meme of a character cos just when you think everything is going okay, he makes an appearance and suddenly you know damn well everything is not going okay anymore

ALSO I DIDNT KNOW GRIMMER WAS GOING TO FUCKING DIE??? WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT

FRANZ BONAPARTA BEING SUCH A SISSY,, GOING ON A MF TANGENT OF HOW HE FUCJED UP LIKE YEAH NO SHIT STFU

wim being so adorbs <33

EVA AND MARTIN BRO THEY HAD IT GOING;;;(;;(::-6;;) WHY DID HE HAVE TO DIE

Eva redemption arc I mean queen was lowkey killing it throughout the series.. sometimes questionable but otherwise ily (but I HATED how she treated tenma 😒)

NINA GETTING THE BEST SCORES GO YOU QUEEN YOU DESERVE IT

What was Johan and Nina’s mum doing bro- did that favouritism play a role in this outrage.. guess we’ll never know!

OH NOT TO MENTION MONSTER SOUNDTRACK SLAPS SOOOO HARD. SKIPPING THE OPENINB FEELS LIKE A CRIME. FULLY LISTENED TO THE ENDING IN THE LAST EPSODE BC YK I WANT TO GO OUT PROPERLY AND DAMN IT’S RLLY NICE? BUT I DONT THINK I WOULDVE BEEN ABLE TO LISTEN TO IT AT THE END OF EACH EP BECAUSE MAN THESE CLIFF HANGERS AND HOOKS MAKE ME GO FERAL FOR THE NEXT EP

WHENEVER “THE SEEDS OF TIME” STARTED PLAYING IN A SCENE I WOULD GET SO EXCITED IT’S PROBABLY MY FAV OST RN. OMG AND “Present” IT’S SUCH A CUTE OST AARGRGEGSGESHSGDFFEDD

THIS AJIME IS SO GOOD HOW COME I BARELY SEE OR HEAR PPL TALKING ABT IT… ???DEFINITELY TOP 3 BRO MAYBE EVEN TOP 2 (idek what my anime ranking list looks like 👹)

LUNGE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT ARC REAL?? When he said he’d buy a beer for grimmer n they can talk about this whole case 💔💔

Nah Lunge was mad funny, his only personality trait was hunting tenma down,, then half way through the series he goes “I’ve made a fatal mistake 😗” n reconsiders his life decisions. The audacity,, and I was loving it.

Milan bro 😢 AND TENMA TELLING THE KIDS TO STUDY HARD AND NOT GIVE UP?? I NEED A TENMA IN MY LIFE.

DIETER IS SUCH A CUTIE PATOOTIE OMLLL

okay after some reflection johan saying "which one didn't she need" or stmhn like that at the end BAFFLED me. it made me really sad too

oh yeah HAHAHAHA johan being an iconic cross dresser. you can't tell me he wasn't rocking that outfit when he was with suk... also when he dressed as young anna HIS FACE WAS SO FUNNY "welcome back! :D" bro is so devious HEGHAHSDG

just thhnking about that tenma push up scene it had me giggling and swinging my feet OGH LET;S NOT FORGET WHEN HE WAS LIKE "good girl" TO NINA .... that's the stuff i want to hear frfr

on a serious note though, he's such a good father figure. this man would make the best father ever.. i've seen multiple comments saying that even johan saw him as a father figure and LORD DOES THAT MAKE ME UPSET :(((((

that nameless monster book spoke facts at the end tho, johan is such a beautiful name no joke

his hair looks so fluffy too

HAHA no how about the scream he scrumpt i was lowkey embarrassed like johan you can scream sm better than that.

idk why but he's so fine when he drops the ground- both times in the library and in the rain. i swear it's the hair and his back

yk this anime reminds me of that one tiktok sounds with the garden song that says "no matter where you are, everyone is always connected". it's quite cool to think about it holistically, but in a sense it's also so surreal, and even scary. this masterpiece is an extreme reflection of our world imo, with many elements of truth and reality. anyways i'll leave this kind of stuff for another post (draft lol). but honestly though, i really liked this series. maybe since it's older, it has that sense of authenticity?? not invalidating other anime series but idk. i really enjoyed it.

RAHAHGSHJDHFGHJG LET'S STAY TOGETHER BEING TENMA'S FAVOURITE SONG OMG THIS IS KILLING ME HES SO my heart is aching sm..

im jus reading about tenma's childhood rn :')

WAIT THETRS;S SOMETHING CALLED ANOTHER MONSTER?/ IS THIS A SEQUEL OR SMTHN... well yk what time it is then!

#monster #monster anime #tenma kenzo #johan #WARNING #WORD VOMIT!!

[feuqueerfire]

Feu's December 2022 BL/GL Wrap-Up

A little monthly wrap-up of all the shows I’ve watched or am watching in December 2022, general thoughts, and ranking of them all.

Recommendation of the month: 

To Sir, With Love is just so good if you’re into this sort of thing and I hope we get more lakorns with queer main characters and queer romances since it seems to be pretty popular in Thailand. This month I hope more people come across Love of Secret so that they also see there’s an audience for GL and make more.

Ranking

To Sir, With Love

Ghost Host, Ghost House

My Secret Love = Love of Secret

Catch Me Baby - side BL

My Esports Genius Brother

Average Rating: 5.9/10 (but it was still overall a great month bc of my rewatches)

MDL Updates - Added to Watchlist:

A section because I’m curious about how many shows I decide to add to my Watch List a month and also the ratio of watching them:adding them

Happy Ending Romance

Legend of Yunze

Yes or No

Tsukuritai Onna to Tabetai Onna

Catch Me Baby

Weak Hero Class 1

Choco Milk Shake

Alice In Borderland

To Watch List At Start Of Month: 46

To Watch List At End Of Month: 47

Removed from To Watch List:

Happy Ending Romance (lol removing it the same month i added it)

What Zabb Man! 

Watching On-Air

Nothing because I don’t want carry over to 2023 :’)

Completely Watched

Ghost Host, Ghost House

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Oct 5, 2022 - Nov 23, 2022

Watch Via: Youtube (free)

Watch Dates: Nov 28 - Dec 3, 2022

Rating: 6.5/10

Overall Impression: Pluem and Kevin, bro they were soooooo fucking cute just unbelievable I was cheesing throughout so many of their interactions. they really felt like people who liked each other and also just bounced off each other so well. Idek how I feel about the last 1.5 eps because in terms of writing, I have some qualms but like Kevin and Pluem are so cute that I can’t even think critically. Also, I love the deliberate choice of using you/I so much and what it means when it’s used vs not used (meung). The ghost stuff was intriguing and I’m glad they didn’t somehow make them come back or anything. I wish we got some more background in terms of how things actually worked and some more lore building but I’m still generally okay with the way it went, combining the comedy and sadness.  I wish we had more of the GL rip

tags: ghost host ghost house

Also Appears In: Ghost Host, Ghost House Live Blogging

The next two weeks where I finish up assignments and study for exams will be for rewatching some of the stand-out shows for the year! Might watch fully for some and might watch some parts for others.

Rewatch

I don’t think I’ll do Live Blogging for these and I’ll instead have a different type of watching summary here.

Bad Buddy - full rewatch

Country: Thailand

Rewatch Dates: Dec 4 - 8, 2022

Rating: 9/10 || Changed? No

New Thoughts: One of the best things about the rewatch is truly just coming at it with the knowledge of Thai particle endings, titles and honorifics, and more of a cultural knowledge. Also can’t believe I rewatched so much of the show, usually I rewatch only parts I love. Continues to be my favourite BL of the year, hope something comes along next year that takes over my brain just as much to be honest.

Fave Ep: 7 (fave series of eps is 4 - 8)

Fave Scenes: Mentioned in Bad Buddy Rewatch Blogging

tags: bad buddy

My Year in 2022 - Tumblr

KinnPorsche: Vegas scenes

Country: Thailand

Rewatch Dates: Dec 9, 2022

Rating: [no change bc only watching parts]

New Thoughts: Pete’s “Khun Vegas” and “Pom” and “Krub” turning into “Gu/Meung/Vegas” is fun. A lot of post-canon fics turn VegasPete into very healthy and well-adjusted people which is just not true, I love how Vegas is dishonorable and shitty even throughout ep 14. The acting continues to be great and also I was less irritated during this rewatch bc I didn’t watch KP or KC or “plot” 

Fave Ep/Scenes: the ep 10 - 14 VP stuff is great 

tags: kinnporsche, vegaspete

Love Mechanics - Skim Rewatch

Country: Thailand

Rewatch Dates: Dec 10, 2022

Rating: [no change bc only watching parts]

New Thoughts:

Fave Ep:

Fave Scenes: Ep 2 - 2 (Vee taking Mark to a restaurant, Mark tying Vee’s shoelaces), Ep 3 - 1 (Vee talking to Ploy on the phone in front of Mark and Mark distracting himself by picking out garlic from Vee’s plate bc he doesn’t like it), Ep 4 (Mark buying instant noodles to cook for Vee + being protective of them. interesting bc VegasPete also have the noodles motif lol), Ep 6 (can I call the VeeMark fight scene a fave, Mark-Kan and Vee-Bar’s parallel convos), a bunch of other scenes I didn’t keep track of, ep 10 after credits (roleplay reverse phi/nong and cnc woahhhh) 

tags: love mechanics

Not Me  - Skim Rewatch

Country: Thailand

Rewatch Dates: Dec 11 - 13, 2022

Rating: [no change bc only watching parts]

New Thoughts:

Fave Ep:

Fave Scenes: a lot of the earlier interactions are cute, 6-4 choking out scene is insane fr the emotions and acting in that ah, 7-3 protest and pride, 7-4 Yok and Dan in Dan’s home, 8-1 Sean coming to White’s home and apologizing and baring his soul, 8-2 Yok being cheeky while painting Dan, 9-4 when Black and White meet again and Black takes back his piercings, 11-4 Sean finally finding out about Black vs White 

Fave Scene: 9-1 the best section without a doubt - I loved how SeanWhite checked in on each other in the beginning and also afterwards with the “are you okay?” and it felt like they each actually cared about each other and the interactions held emotion more than the other “consent scenes” that make me feel like it’s just smth to check off rather than something you actually want to communicate to a partner and is also not cringey to watch. Also cheeky Yok coming over to Dan’s station at the end

tags: not me, ship names

Secret Crush on You - Skim Rewatch

Country: Thailand

Rewatch Dates: Dec 14, 2022

Rating: [no change bc only watching parts]

New Thoughts: I love how Nuea isn’t overly cocky and doesn’t pressure Toh into admitting his feelings and isn’t 100000% certain that Toh likes him and would be perfect with him. When Nuea sulks or gets hurt by Toh’s carefully put on callousness or uncaringness (ep 3 him being annoyed that Toh keeps saying shit! everytime they met, 3-4, 5-3, 8-3 Nuea sulking at Toh insinuating Nuea might wanna break up in the future, 9-3 when Nuea’s upset that Toh didn’t say they were faen to the girls and told them to join what was gonna be their date, 13-3), it feels so real like the feelings really matter to Nuea and that he can be hurt by the lack of reciprocation.

Fave Ep:

Fave Scenes: 3-1 when Nuea visiting Toh’s dorm to see the photos he took, 3-4 when Nuea comes to Toh’s room to ask about why he left the event early and sulks and there’s hurt from both ends because each think the other doesn’t care T.T so good, 5-3 Nuea/Toh lip kiss because of the Kung King game and Nuea being so sad that Toh had no reaction and was brushing it off and saying it was just a game, 8-2 their little heart to heart after confessing in the last part about why Toh takes photos, 10-4 just friendly friends playing games, 13-3 when Toh’s collection is revealed and Nuea’s reaction to Toh insinuating their relationship will end and them baring their souls to each other 

tags: secret crush on you

HIStory2: Right or Wrong - Skim Rewatch

Country: Thailand

Rewatch Dates: Dec 15 - 17, 2022

Rating: 6/10 [Updated: 0.5 increase]

New Thoughts: yeah it's enjoyable and fun but i skipped almost entirely of ep 4

Fave Scenes: it’s so short, just reach the whole thing at that point

tags: 

Catch Me Baby (side BL) - not a rewatch

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Oct 6, 2022 - Dec 15, 2022

Watch Via: WeTV (free)

Watch Dates: Dec 17, 2022

Rating: 5.5/10 [unrated on MDL]

Overall Impression: saw a few clips of the show on tiktok and was thinking of watching it through these tiktok vids but now that I’m anticipating Bed Friend even more after the trailers, I think I’ll watch their parts on actual weTV lol. They made them both friendless, annoying losers who don’t have friends bc their classmates don’t like them but they still have money and get girls; it’s like two opposing tropes in one. Thought it was interesting that Foie was basically open about really liking Tan from after the kiss but he didn’t think they’d be good or that Tan was serious, so didn’t pursue anything. The car crash was a useless decision but the asking to be bfs scene was cute, though they disappeared from the story after that lol. They have really good chemistry and ability to play off each other, think that with some more acting skills, Bed Friend would have great chemistry/acting.

tags: catch me baby

Blueming - Skim Rewatch

Country: South Korea

Rewatch Dates: Dec 18, 2022

Rating: [no change bc only watching parts (tbh I watched 80% of it lol but yeah no change)]

New Thoughts: idek man there’s something about the way this show is made and shot and acted and THE DYNAMIC that makes me delirious and like my brain is knocking around loose in my skull

Fave Ep: no specific ep sticks out to me but the middle few eps where they’ve become friends and before the drama reveal, they are sooooo alksdfj

Fave Scenes: Ep 4 “ “Well, if you do me wrong, will you buy me bread too?” + the over-the-hand kiss, Ep 6 the confession scene and before and after it too, Ep 8 kiss where Siwon’s too eager

tags: blueming

His (2020) - Full Rewatch

Country: Japan

Rewatch Dates: Dec 19, 2022

Rating: unchanged

New Thoughts: so good still T.T my fave japenese show/BL

Fave Scenes: just rewatch the movie lol

tags: his (jpn)

Semantic Error: The Movie - Full Rewatch

Country: South Korea

Rewatch Dates: Dec 19, 2022

Rating: unchanged

New Thoughts: I was gonna skim rewatch the show but the movie turned out to come out on Viki, so rewatched the full movie instead. I like it a lot, still so cute >.< Want second season after Seoham finally gets out pls I continue to like Yuna a lot. Also, during this rewatch I think I noticed more just how often they (Jaeyoung, Sangwoo, Yuna) swear or call each saekki

Fave Scenes: rip i was too busy watching to keep track

tags: semantic error

End of Rewatches

End of my 16 day rewatch journey of rewatching most of the 2022 stuff that I enjoyed. Not rewatched but 2022 shows I rated high were The Eclipse, Badhaai Do, Boku mo Aitsu mo Shinrodesu - We’re Both Grooms and I might rewatch them. I had a handful of non-2022 releases that I rated high and out of those, I might rewatch Life: Love on the Line (Director's Cut), No Touching At All, P.S. I Hate You, Utsukushii Kare.

Now onto To Sir, With Love because it’s like 17 70 to 75-minute episodes lmfao and now is a good time to let it consume my life since I have no school

Thai BL/GL Filming Schedules

To Sir, With Love

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Oct 3, 2022 - Nov 28, 2022

Watch Via: Youtube (free)

Watch Dates: Dec 20 - 24, 2022

Rating: 7/10

Overall Impression: Definitely enjoyable and also different from other BLs I’ve watched because this was a lakorn that had a huge component of Tian being gay but the actual romance took up very little screen time. Very dramatic, gives me Indian serial vibes. The acting, characterization, occasional action were all good. The focus on women, even though they were mostly fucked in the head, was also a welcome change in the midst of all my BL consumption.Yang and Tian’s brotherhood was everything!!! I love siblings and sibling bonds so much T.T Yang/Pin were also freaking adorable!! Tian and Jiu were not the biggest part of the story, didn’t really even have much interactions before ep 7 but they were sooo romantic. 

tags: to sir with love

Also Appears In: To Sir With Love Live Blogging

My Secret Love

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: May 28, 2022 - Aug 20, 2022

Watch Via: Youtube (free)

Watch Dates: Dec 26 - 30, 2022

Rating: 6/10

Overall Impression: When Mek-Kim were cute, they were cute but there were some poor choices with their writing that made it boring sometimes or just lacked sense, like with the separation. Park-Lee my lovelies who call each other ‘ter’ and propose at the same time and are physically affectionate and have feelings like insecurity or jealousy. Bomb and Bear were so cute in the beginning but then became :< sad in the end but it felt like something that could happen with wonky work-life balance. Tim and Mai were sooo rancid and passive aggressive in the middle, I was liking it but then the confession was anti-climactic and then they fizzled out. This show had a lot of heart. Don’t think I’ll remember much except Park and Lee but it was a fun enough watch while it lasted.

tags: my secret love

Also Appears In: My Secret Love Live Blogging

My Esports Genius Brother

Country: China

Release Dates: Aug 13, 2021 - Aug 26, 2021

Watch Via: GaGaOolala

Watch Dates: Dec 31, 2022

Rating: 4.5/10

Overall Impression: I read that this didn’t have actual brothers or incest, so I gave it a chance cuz I wanted some esports competitive enemies to lovers + celebrity trope. instead it’s like some Deluded vs feelingless person enemies to lovers with lots of other plotlines that were too complicated for this 12 ep show with 4 mins an ep agh. also was this dubbed or was the audio just weird? also the acting lmfao man this show kinda just irritated me

Love of Secret

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Nov 5, 2022 - Nov 12, 2022

Watch Via: Youtube (free)

Watch Dates: Dec 31, 2022

Rating: 6/10

Overall Impression: my last piece of media watched for 2022! It was cute and tackled a few things (Punpun working to realize her idol dream, her relationship with Tim, Punpun’s dad’s approval, Punpun’s aunt and the guy who keeps breaking watches, along with plenty of other characters and scenes), it would’ve been so good as a 10 ep show, oof. now it was a cute watch but too short and speedy to really empathize with what the characters are going through beyond the initial ‘oh that sucks’. I liked the stuff it focuses on: girlfriends, chasing dreams, (complicated) familial bonds and looking out for each other, but it would’ve been better if fleshed out

tags: love of secret

Whew, last show of the year and last monthly wrap-up of 2022! Now to finish up this post and then things like my 2022 show overview and 2023 Shows post and such. 

2022 Overview + Stats

#tracking #general bl #ghost host ghost house #to sir with love #my secret love #love of secret

[ariaisabitch]

LOVE IS BLIND

S3 ep3

alright we're off to an intimidating start. Andrew's proposing and her face is not very convincing.

She's gonna say no. Oh god. Please don't. NOOO SHES SAYING NO. Ffs.

"Not forever" girl that fucking hurts. Holy shit. and she's smiling. Ok maybe her and Baurtise are meant to be. Nvm.

"Too calm and collected" ?? You mean, he has his life together? NOT THE EYE DROPS BROOOO that's sad

"I didn't think i could care for someone that would bring me to tears" This man just dropping deep shit left and right.

"Why are we so goofy?" that gave me an ick

Dude is it bad that I wanna skip this? LMAO I'm so judgmental. I'm also just eating a sandwich while watching and typing this, so i've gotten mushed cheese on my phone now.

AHHH YES ITS RAVEN AND SK OMG OMG EVERYONE CALM DOWN

she's so hot

this is such a cute montage

what is in his pocket wait hold up it's colorful

that ring is very extra. love that

Dude. Who came up with the ring thing? Like who decided that's how people propose now?

AHHH THEYRE MEETING HILD MY HAND

Omg his fuckin face. This is very awkward m. Ok maybe not anymore. This man is so precious. Can we give him a giant ass hug?

Did this bitch just pout at me? Sorry, I shouldn't call her a bitch that's mean.

Why do I just hate everyone this season? LOL

Dude the relief she felt when he said he was getting on one knee. That's amazing. Ok, this is kinda sweet.

Dude, my mind switches so easily LOLLL

Ohhh.. yay... Nancy and Bartise...My favorite couple. Dude his voice annoys me so much and idek why.

Nancy's lil dance was so cute.

"i'm not the prettiest one in the crowd" Girl, if you don't look in the damn mirror.

She's so short. I thought she was a lot taller for some reason.

Do they just like pick out the rings before the show or something? Or do they tell the producers what ring they want when they're about to propose.

Matt and Colleen. Alright. I feel neutral about them rn.

"My profile is a big insecurity" *camera shows her profile*

Awwww that was such a cute meeting. Both of their reactions and the kiss. Alright, fine. I'm easing up to them.

Dude did every guy say "Got something for you" when they showed the ring?

THE FINGER BITE

Ok this is very very cute. NVM DID HE JUST STICK HIS TONGUE OUT WHEN SHE TURNED AROUND? omg

RESORT TIME? LETS GOOO

This resort is gorgeous, my god.

Alexa and Brennon seem more like good friends ngl.

Dude i just completely zoned out for the whole colleen and matt thing. They're cuddling outside, that's so cute. I wanna be held like that, bro. Did you see him rubbing her head like that? omg

Ok back to Alexa and Brennon. That tree is gorgeous on so many levels. They seem so awkward, im sorry. I have to say it. Like emotionally, yes they're great. But they seem very disconnected, physically. Could just be me. idk.

oh... yay... Cole... He makes me so uncomfortable. Ok nvm THIS is awkward.

Where's SK? I don't gaf about Bartise. Future Mrs bathing suit is kinda iconic. That's a tiny ass bath for two people tho.

This girl is talking about unclogging toilets while in a tub with a man. This girl.... THE SCRUBBER??

Sk now? SK? YEAAAAA SK AND RAVENNN. Her eyes are gorgeous. I just have a crush on Raven. Why's she got makeup on when laying down in the bed? WHY IS THERE JUST A SHOT OF HER FEET EW GET THAT SHIT OFF

SK is such a sweetheart omg.

Back to Colleen. She's just wrapped around him.. like damn. Alright then. Ngl this season is really boring me.

Why does Cole seem so standoffish now? Huh? And he's calling her standoffish? I'm so confused with these two. They're so tense.

#love is blind #netflix #season 3 #love is blind season 3 #reactions #streaming #twitch

[lovemars]

hm. time to psychoanalyze myself i think. cw traumadumping cw long ass post cw oversharing 😭

the srs cws are talk of sex and stuff but in a sad way not a horny way, sa, men on the internet being gross, bad coping mechanisms, etc

like. idk. i was thinking abt this last night and now im thinking abt it more and like. i feel like. the way i appear in headspace and stuff is just. completely based after. OH MY GOD SOFT BOY CAME OUT? um. sorry it just came on shuffle. ANYWAY. 😭. i feel like how i appear and everything is just based off of like our brain trying to be attractive to- well men mostly. other genders nd stuff but mostly men Specifically cis men. and like. literally none of us actively want to have cis (esp cishet) men attracted to us ❤️. but its like, i know Why like i know its cuz one of my roles is a sexual alter and our brain made us appear the way we do in headspace as part of it trying to keep us safe etcetc WHATEVER i dont care 🫶. like. i literally even- like for instance when we were dating our ex i remember trying to like. be attractive to her and make her like me/us even tho like. i was uncomfortable as fuck and like. i did the same with redacted from irl and just didnt set boundaries at all- no thats not true we definitely did set boundaries. i was just bad at enforcing them- i guess cuz i was like. idk completely lost in this mindset of like, not being able to say no and not feeling safe and feeling like it was my only purpose inguess?

and then like- i also feel like. imean i dont really get the love languages thing but if i had to pick one it would definitsly be words of affirmation and like- i feel like. okay 😭. im not a good person by. whoever the fuck uhh. pat the bunny i think? plays in the background. like for years and by for years i mean ever since 4 days after i turned 18. my thing had been like. posting on reddit . in various subreddits that like, Well the men in them are not very nice to me or to women . and like. i feel like that ties back to the words of affirmation thing cuz i was like intentionally seeking out people who would hurt me (<- which also ties into being a persecutor). and i dont do it anymore because months in the getalong shirt with nik made me feel bad abt it 😭 and then i started to realize that i like when people are nice to me actually. and then i was like Huh maybe tjats not super healthy for me probably. (it is not). well and thats the reason im banned (by nik) from reddit and sex with cis people forever.

but like. 😭 SORRY THIS IS SO LONG. writing a damn novel here. ANYWAYYYY. the whole posting images on reddit dot com -> talk to creepy men on reddit dot com -> intense self hatred and shame -> nik fronts and freaks out and deletes everything -> i feel bad -> i do it again next time i feel like making myself feel terrible on purpose for fun Spiral. like. ive spent all this time gojng down that spiral and now its like. bro i jusr want someone to be nice to me. like i spent ages convincing myself that actually i didnt care abt the shit those men were sayinh & that i liked it and now im like. i literally dont. like. i dont wabt someone ive never spoken to who didnt even say hi or ask what im ok with to say like. waves hand. stuff im not repeating just make up something genuinely disgusting and a bit terrifying and ive probably heard it. and now i dont even KNOW like. what i want i guess. idek my sexuality cuz ive never bothered to think abt what i want cuz i was too focused on what people i dont like/am scared of/etc to think abt how i felt. which in retrospect. bad and scared and. etc.

anyway. idk its just dawned on me the other night how much of who i am is wrapped up in how much i want everyone to like me all thw time and also how much i dont like myself. and like im working on it. and if working on it means thinking about drm from minecraft youtube ******* ** ** ***** so be it i guess 😭. idk man if nik can read dr*amnotnap fic and call it coping i can thirstpost abt drm in my head. idk.

ig im just. now that im able to be more normal and rational and stuff im able to see like. damn i was really bad at dealing with my emotions and tried to do that in ways that were not healthy for me or anyone else. and now all my sense of. who i am is wrapped up in that i guess. which sucks. and im working on it . SLOWLY! but im working on it

tldr: damn this guy should probably talk to a therapist abt all this shouldnt he. well thats okay at least hes hot

#neg #u can ignore thris the tldr is im mentally ill

[albedostartarus]

I’ve been BARELy eating and drinking the right amounts this week, for some reason loeb disappeared from my housing selection bc I waited One day to hit submit application even tho I alr paid the deposit ???? Which means I’m now most likely going to be distanced from. Yup! Everyone I’ve befriended! I shouldn’t have taken a shower in the afternoon because I would RLLY like to go have a nice cathartic cry in there rn but I can’t even be sad bc I have 2 assignments due today. This is such a stupid thing to be mad over, I don’t talk to my roommates THAT much and when has being in the same building as Z and K ever come in handy when hanging out im being so stupid about this it’s just like 11th grade again I love this feeling I hope I oomf of natural causes before the weekend stupid ugly fucking dumb I’m so. Idek who I’m mad at bro like do I blame myself for not submitting housing sooner so I blame this stupid uni and their borderline inept administration??

[emotionalyodeling]

literally everything is falling apart. what else do i have that im not living truthfully about, because genuinely its strange. caden making me guess at him having a boner then confessing? and then being weird. and then zach stuff as well. what is going on, genuinely. and i didnt withdraw from class yesterday, i literal;ly just. forgot, like i did the first time. i didnt say anything to caden, i didnt say anything to max, i didnt say anything to naomi, i didnt say anything to my classmtaes. i just ignored it and stopped, ads soon as stuff got uncomfortable. i genuinely dont evewn know, but i feel like im losing control over my life, like the mom i sit for i basically ghosted. my friends are all new and i dont nkow if i even like them.

with the zach stuff i just am so confused. i looked back and i did tell him that i didnt wanna do sexual stuff, then he asked for secxual stuff and while i said yes, it is just. what. and then i comforted him through it, like all of it. he curledd into a ball and i comfotted him, and he let me,. or mostly what im upset about is that i let myself comfort him, and reassured him in the moment that i said yes in the moment so it was okay. but i didnt want to have sex, and just in general. him being so hroyn and annoying when he wakes upo horny and im not. lkike get a grip. go to the other room and jack off stop whining. i am not the one who should be facilitating this stuff. and keeping track is just so frustrating, and then my counselor telling me this is normal, i want to die bro. i dont want to live for the rest of my life having to fight off a horny man like my mom. i just want to not ever feel pressured especially by someone who is supposed to love me. like he knows that too. and just before there was so much to process, my family kevin i just shoiv ved it down because i couldnt lose anyone else. also the fact that even when we were t5rying to rebuild he still begged me to hug and kiss STOP. STOP IT HOLY FUCK. i literally want to like hit him thinking about that. and i lket it slide because, why. and even after that, there was masturbation stuff, there was the keeping track recently asnd constantly always having to be sad when he was horny. writing this i am so upset i cant even see love in that. im so sick of crying men, i am not comforting you, for assaulkting and being sexually uncomfortable with me. and the fafct that the cycle was going to start again. idk now that i think of it we started the relationship very sexual and not consent based, so maybe thats what he expects. but no. i am not accepting that. not for me or my future or for my children. i think carolyn jsut has an older mentality of oph yeah men are just like that, which i guess was okay for the time.

theres so much else to unpack here. caden idek. weird he got so strange. i think after Naomi i just really built a habit of just ignoring problems no matter what. but i think i just have a habit of that in general. max also is something im putting off. honestly ive just let everything in my life build up, i dont think i ever wanted to do healthcare, io just did it because i wanted to run away from naomi. zach i juist ignored that even though i knew if i told my friends about my problems they would just stop it. idk. one at a time i suppose, but reading back on this i dont really remember what happened to resolve these things. or if they ever were on his end, and its frustrating that i allowed that to go on for so long.

[synthetickitsune]

5, 21 & 22 (ateez or onewe ^^) ; hello, e. <333 hope you're doing well 🌷

m. <3 same for you, dear 🌸

5) Who feels the most like home?

Hmmm...... out of all my biases, I'd probably say my svt bias line? But tbh, lately Minghao's attacking me A LOT with comfort feelings so I'm gonna go with him. He just radiates that calm, soothing energy and wisdom, but he's also cute and clingy and just has that annoying unhinged sibling energy sometimes?? What's more home than that?? (Also my dad is really into fancy tea and tea ceremonies so... yeah...)

22) What are they passionate about and how does that make you feel?

(and y'know what? ateez AND onewe >:D)

Yonghoon's passion is obviously his music and making weves cry and wtf he's really good at soccer??? And look, it makes me feel emotional like all his songs and I'm geniunely in awe of how hardworking is - but I wanna keep this lighthearted and the one thing he's also passionate about and that's honestly hilarious to me and that I admire greatly is how he's always trying to rizz up Kanghyun askjgdahsg because SAME 😭😭 Nothing makes my day quicker than leader line bickering lmao, I love them so much I want what they have (also he was so happy when he finally succeeded ;-;)

For Hongjoong, his passion for fashion and especially the stuff he does with his clothes is just ??? idek how to describe it, like the joy he radiates and how freely he seems to express himself in his art is just ??? i'm a mess, sir???? idk idk just something about people being creative and expressing themselves just makes me emotional wreck

21) Talk about one of your favorite features of a bias

So for Hongjoong I'm really torn between his eyes and his lips?? But probably his eyes because he's the master of facial expressions and his eye acting???? Unreal. He's just has such pretty eyes and I hope that whoever came up with putting the lil gems right under his eyes in the shoots for the spin off gets a raise

As for Yonghoon.... this will get long........... (aka i'm totally normal about him hahhahaha)

but to summarize it:

YONGHOON'S FUCKING NECK AND VEINS

(i mean who am i kidding there's not a thing about my man that doesn't make me fold like a piece of laundry but....)

I swear he's gonna be the death of me in a general sense but like ??? his fucking neck ??? and ??? the veins ???? you have no idea what that does that to me and like when he has neck tattoos????????

but when he's singing and his veins pop, it's just.... my life ends and everything, i just shut down i can't handle that... i'm just a simp

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE NORMAL??????? and bro fucking knows it!!!! (as he should asgashgdajkk)

...also this made me think of yonghoon so i'm gonna put some my fave yongie pics here because i now miss him and am sad :(((

#tumblr games #e's nonsense

[jtkys]

Oh,that’s not what I meant at all

Jeff fucking hates himself to the point where it’s not funny

He is constantly cutting himself open wherever a knife can reach

His mouth scars are ridiculously deeper than at first because he cuts them that way,and he’s don’t it so much he can’t even feel pain there anymore

Also this one’s bit more sad

He can’t stand to see his reflection in the mirror or anytype of glass,because he hates what he looks like now and can’t stand looking at himself like that

He genuinely can’t believe that’s his body at sometimes and that’s who he is now,he’s still proud of being a killer and all but he has his moments

He actually has all of the windows in his room covered because he can’t stand looking at himself in them,he also doesn’t have a mirror in his bathroom

So he always looks like absolute shit,bed head hair,bloodstains in places he can’t reach in the shower that eh doesn’t know are there,etc

He also has terrible self care to the point where anyone else in the mansion is concerned about it

And I guess since I’ve already talked about Jeff enough might as well go on more of a tangent

He is ridiculously thin and lanky

He has an eating disorder and sometimes just refuses to eat or says he genuinely doesn’t feel the need to eat,and he’s is so skinny you could probably wrap your whole hand around his neck(he’d never let someone get that close but ya know)

I don’t care what gets said,he wouldn’t kill an animal he genuinely likes them and thinks they deserve to live no matter how short it may be

He has killed people for the simple reason they had something he wanted,

hot day and he wants a popsicle?he’s killing some one for it

You have a sweater he thinks is cool?he’ll rip it off you and kill you after cause he wants it

Doesn’t kill children either,they’re to young,maybe if they become shitty people(or just a normal person) in the future then yeah he’ll kill ‘em but now he would t hurt a child

He also has let some people go,but In really weird situations

He once saw a person getting jumped in an alley by a guy with a gun and he kills the guy and let the person go,not outta sympathy or anything for the simple reason he didn’t feel like killing them

-👾

Oh well now I’m crying now I feel bad for bro

HHHHH THE ED AND SH THINH JAS ME BAWLING IDGAF IF HE WOULD HURT ME THIS MAN NEEDS LOVE 💔💔

Isn’t the not killing animals or kids thing canon?? Like his creator literally said that i think, either way I absolutely love that bwvaue Idek. I just. I love it.