#I'm just. augh. all the thoughts tonight. explodes

[valiant-portabella-pirkko]

listening to my Tideturners playlist was a mistake because I am having SO many feelings about the Sidewinder again.

she's not just any AU of Mai Trin; she's a version who's endured the absolute worst case scenario and lives every day in fear of losing everything all over again. but her story flips the entire narrative of Guild Wars 2 on its head; it's all a matter of perspective, and hers comes from an entirely different angle than we're used to.

what is a monster? as they say, to a bird, a cat is a monster.

the Sidewinder's monster is the Commander.

the first Commander she ever met was a tyrant who set the world on fire just to watch it burn. nothing could stop his rampage until there was nothing left to destroy. he made Scarlet Briar's war look like a playground scuffle; in fact, he did it by killing her and seizing her army to do it with. the Sidewinder doesn't have to wonder what a rogue Commander is capable of at their worst. she KNOWS.

and she also knows that if even a single one knew about her outpost, about her, about her people, and decided they were a threat to get rid of, there's absolutely nothing she could do to stop them. the most she could hope to do is be enough of a speed bump that the rest of the Turnabout can escape and make her sacrifice worthwhile.

she's spent decades building up a new world, a new society, and a new identity-- and in a split second a single person could bring it all crashing down. that absolutely terrifies her. it's all so fragile.

a major part of the Sidewinder's personal arc has to do with overcoming that dread to find common ground. because, truth-be-told, much as she'd insist otherwise? she's not so different from the Commander herself. she's fought long and hard to become someone worthy of the trust and respect that so many refugees from so many, many different worlds have placed on her. it's not enough to have it, she wants to DESERVE it. and even if she'd claim she's not there yet, most would agree she's succeeded. she's the beating heart of the Turnabout; none of it would exist without her. she's given all of them the hope that the heroes of their own worlds couldn't.

Mai Trin never wanted to be a leader or a hero or a politician. but as the Sidewinder, she's become all three out of necessity. she had no other choice. no one else was left alive to do it in her place.

so she puts on her mask, and she steps onto the stage, and she talks big, but deep down she knows that if the worst case scenario came back, there was nothing she could do to protect them, not on her own. the only thing that might stand a chance is another Commander, and is she really prepared to take a risk like that? is she willing to put it all on the line to fight for a future without fear?

and even if they are the right choice, even if they do agree to help in spite of it all... can she put one of the last good people at risk, knowing just what horrors they'd be up against? facing someone who's killed others like them a hundred times over, allowing them no rest even in death as their shambling corpses are conscripted into his undead army? how can she, in good conscience, expect anyone to face something so horrific with stakes as high as THAT? which is worse; that they turn against her, or that they trust her and die, adding another force of nature to their enemies' ranks? the Sidewinder doesn't know the answer to that question, if there is one.

there's so much weight on every choice she must make, and the consequences of every wrong move are unfathomable. she might not be the Commander, but that, at least, is one thing they have in common. the decisions they make will decide who lives and who dies.

all the Sidewinder can hope is that when she finally does make that leap of faith, she'll be ready to handle whatever results lay in store.

#my posts #the Sidewinder #Tideturners AU #i won't put this in the main tags because it's just me rambling incoherently and having Emotions but i just needed to Yell #honestly the most fascinating thing for me would be seeing what happens when she has the opportunity to meet other Commanders #specifically: ones that aren't crazed megalomaniacs like hers was! Ruju is SUCH a piece of work i need to talk about him someday #tbh if/when i actually put together a Tideturners RP group the first event would be a Commander gathering where she's trying to reach out #because she needs to! she KNOWS she needs to! but god there are SO many reasons that she doesn't. this woman has SO much trauma #any interaction between her and a Commander is bound to be interesting though regardless of whether they recognize her #because in both scenarios you'll get ENTIRELY different results... for better and for worse because Hoo Boy #if they don't: she'll just try to play it cool but she's so freaking nervous and is trying so hard to make a good impression #but she's still Mai Freaking Trin which means she's going to be a bit on the snarky side and definitely rough around the edges #and if they DO recognize her? how to give the Sidewinder a heart attack in one easy step. she'd freeze up IMMEDIATELY #like funnily enough she'd literally respond better to an AU Scarlet recognizing her because she Knows Scarlet #Commanders meanwhile are wildcards that can also be insanely destructive and dangerous and weren't always on great terms with Mai #and like. she knows that! she knows full well what her Reputation is elsewhere even if she left her version of the Alliance early #so while she didn't participate in like Any of that (Scarlet was already dead EARLY) she knows they won't know that #like. man. she's just fascinating to think about in terms of how she fits into everything because of what a mess she is #sidenote probably the saddest thing would be if she met a Commander who was a version of one she'd seen before #specifically: one that died holding off Ruju to let their timeline escape from him. that'd earn her trust immediately #though she'd feel SO bad about it and be very weirdly resistant to them facing Ruju directly (she already let them die once...) #I'm just. augh. all the thoughts tonight. explodes

[jaycewrites-192000]

Growl: Chapter 3

Warnings: None

Tags: @etroman @theravencawsatmidnight

Your P.O.V

After school I went to the gym, fully expecting Oikawa to be more annoying than usual. I wasn't sure why he was so damn giddy about me being their manager, but I guess it was pretty cute to see him acting like a child on Christmas Day. I wonder just what I'll be getting into, hopefully it's nothing too far out of my limits. Managing an entire team...a team of people you hardly know too, aside from Oikawa and Iwaizumi. I took a deep breath before opening the doors to the gym and walking in. As expected, Oikawa was the first to greet me. "L/n-Chan!! My hero!!" He hugged me tightly. "Yeah yeah, I'm a hero. Now let go." I pushed him off. "L/n. Here." Iwaizumi hands you a turquoise and white track suit. "This is your uniform. You can try it on if you want. And thanks for this, I know Shittykawa was pestering you about it." He gives you a warm smile. You take a look at the track suit before turning the smile. "Well, it's worth a try right? I'll be right back."

Normal P.O.V

On the way to the changing room, you passed Mad Dog. He wasn't paying any attention to you, he was just staring off into nothing. Well, more like glaring. Why was he so mad all the time? You shake your head and walked into the changing rooms. After changing, you took a minute to admire yourself in the mirror. The track suit was was was a bit tight around your chest and rear, but hey, just made you look hotter right? Other than that, it look rather nice, you looked like an actual volleyball manager. You tug on the shirt slightly before walking out. The team was already doing their warm up before practice.

"Oooh, look at you L/n-Chan~" Oikawa smirks. "I knew our manager would be fine but damn-" He was cut off by Iwaizumi kicking him dead square in the back. "Augh! Iwa-Chan why??" He whines painfully. "Stop harassing her pervykawa." Iwaizumi growls. You were never phased by Oikawa's flirting before, but for some reason his compliment made you blush. The entire team's eyes were on you know. "Well he isn't wrong." A member spoke up. "Yahaba, don't start." Said another member. "Come on Kindaichi. You can't stand here and say you don't find her cute as hell."

"Alright enough already." You mutter, face still red. "What should I be doing anyway?" You asked while crossing your arms. Iwaizumi explained everything you needed to know about being the manager of their team. It was all pretty simple but still you needed to get to know the team better. You already knew that Oikawa was the captain and setter. And Iwaizumi was the ace and vice captain.

Matsukawa Issei, Takahiro Hanamaki, were third years along with Oikawa, Iwaizumi, and yourself.

Yahaba Shigeru, Watari Shinji, and Kyotani Kentaro or "Mad Dog" were second years.

And finally Kunimi Akira, Kindaichi Yutaro were first years.

They all seemed decent enough, you could do without the flirting from Oikawa and Yahaba though. Aside from that, you had to admit, you were kinda looking forwards to being a team manager.

"Great work today everyone. Make sure to get plenty of rest and prepare for the practice match tomorrow." Oikawa announces. "A practice match?" You tilt your head. "Yes, we have those occasionally to prepare for a real match." He tells you. "Oh. I guess that makes sense. Then again I wouldn't know, I didn't really care enough about volleyball to look into things like that."

"Well start caring! Because you're going to witness the amazing power of Seijoh!" Oikawa laughs obnoxiously. With a roll of your eyes you grab your bag and head to the changing rooms. The guys had already left, so you could change in peace. Or at least you thought they did...Once you opened the door to the changing room you were met with a shirtless Mad Dog. You gasp, face turning bright red. This alerted Mad Dog, he turned and glared you down. "Ah, so sorry!" You ran out and quickly shut the door. You felt like your heart was going to explode out of your chest. It was less because you saw Mad Dog's rather nicely built body, but because of the embarrassment of you walking into someone changing.

"L/n-Chan?" Oikawa's voice snapped you out of your thoughts. "H-huh!?" Your voice cracks. "You good? You're a little red." You cover your hot cheeks with your hands. "I'm fine, I decided I didn't want to change after all! I'll be going now!" You rushed off, leaving a very confused Oikawa behind. A second later, Mad Dog walked out of the changing rooms. "Mad Dog-Chan? I thought you left already. No wonder L/n-Chan was freaking out huh?" Oikawa smirks. Mad Dog rolled his eyes and walked past Oikawa. "You know, if you would stop teasing him so much, maybe he would respect you." Iwaizumi chimes in. "So cruel Iwa-Chan..."

You made it home, your mother had just finished preparing dinner and was on call with her boss, so she hardly noticed you. With a sigh you remove your shoes and walked in before going upstairs to change out of your track suit. Your phone buzzed in your pocket, making you jolt. "What has got me so on edge today?" You mutter. Even though, the answer was clear as day. You had just walked in on a pretty attractive guy changing, luckily it was only his shirt. Taking out your phone you read the texts, relived that it wasn't Oikawa this time.

Iwaizumi:

"Hey, I saw you run off in a hurry earlier. Did something happen?"

You: "Oh, hey Iwaizumi! I didn't know you had my number..."

Iwaizumi:

"Yeah, I know sorry. Shittykawa insisted that I have it. I was going to ask you for it eventually."

You:

"Oh I see. And to answer your question

You look up from your phone pausing, should you tell him? Iwaizumi wasn't as immature as Oikawa was, so maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to say.

I accidentally walked in on that angry dude changing. It was soooo embarrassing 😫"

Iwaizumi:

"Ah, I see. Don't worry too much, Kyotani didn't seem to fazed by it. Though, I can't tell how that guy is feeling, other than angry."

You:

"I still feel pretty weird about it...I'll have to apologize tomorrow."

Iwaizumi:

"Sure. Well, I was just checking on you. Get plenty of rest ok?"

You: "I will. Thanks Iwaizumi."

You put your phone away and head back down stairs. Your mother, still on the phone, finally seemed to notice you and gave you a quick wave before returning to her conversation. You wave back and grab some food. Tonight you had to get as much sleep as possible you had a big day coming up. You're first official practice match with another team, as a manager! You couldn't help but wonder what their manager was like. Maybe they could give you some pointers.

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#kyotani kentaro #kyotani kentaro x reader #haikyuu!! #haikyū!! #haikyuu kentaro #haikyu kentaro #mad dog #mad dog chan