#I've done everything I have available to self regulate I took a shower I am physically at peak fucking performance

[bibiana112]

Officially at so distressed that I broke my stim toy levels of autism

#I don't like thiiis hhh #I'm still at my parent's and it's nobody's fault that I'm not back to my city yet storms and accidents happen #but fuck I was planning four days and it's about to be more than a week #I didn't bring any of the stuff I use to self regulate because it's a bitch to bring with and not necessary in the short term #I'm alone no one I fucking like is here and my parents are trying but I'm apparently too much of a bitch to care #no matter how irrational it is I just fucking hate feeling this vulnerable while next to them so I just lock myself away #I'm gonna miss my friends thesis project presentation and god I didn't fucking see them the whole year just #I'm not supposed to be with anyone that cares about me I'm just not the universe won't let me #I've done everything I have available to self regulate I took a shower I am physically at peak fucking performance #it's just not enough I want to break something for real #I want to eat stuff I'd buy myself not whatever they decide to make #I want a fucking heads up before doing nice things because if it's a surprise it's suddenly not a nice thing anymore #I want to be home and I want people to stop being nice to me and just fucking say what they think #I'm awful it just hurts so much to wait for everything to fall apart I hate feeling so estranged and detached from everyone #delete later