#I want to be home and I want people to stop being nice to me and just fucking say what they think

[bengiyo]

Love Sea: Tongrak is Kind of an Asshole, and I Like It

I watched this yesterday with some friends, so my Stray Thoughts were a little scattered because we were talking about BL conventions, Thailand's tourism goals, and who MAME was. Now, with some time to think, I wanna talk about my favorite thing: Tongrak is a rich asshole. I love this for Fort and Peat.

He Looks Down on People Poorer Than Him

We open with Tongrak dressed inappropriately for his trip and the weather, whining on his phone, just to show his disdain for even being sent on this vacation.

Then when he first arrives on the island, he looks around at people enjoying themselves and a sign they dedicated to their home reading "Heaven on Earth" and immediately called it hell. This is these people's home! He is a guest! I deal with this show in my home city all the time. Be respectful!

Next, the first thing he does is start shouting at Mahasamut about the motorcycle and his luggage. He doesn't slow down to ask if Mut can speak the central dialect, or if there are alternative modes of transport. Instead he just screams at the man and then starts talking shit in front of him like he can't understand what is being said. I give Americans shit for doing this in other countries, and I give northerners shit for acting like they can't understand our accents down here along the Gulf.

He was rude about that bar, too. He went there for attention, and got pissed at the idea that people there might be into Mut more.tjsn him. He then stormed off without paying for his drink!

This man is so stubborn and petty that he literally just starts sending him thousands of baht instead of just asking him to speak in the same dialect as him. I'm totally with Mut on not speaking to him nicely until Tongrak did it first. What's so wild about this scene is that it's text that Rak is mad that his condescension is having no effect.

Mahasamut is Responding to Tongrak's Energy

Mut is just responding to what Rak is giving him, and is doing everyone a favor by bearing the brunt of this spoiled man's fits. He was even kind enough to let this man know right away that he could understand him.

The big thing for me is he can see when Rak is trying to get one over on him and turns that around. Rak tried to play like he had the upper hand sexually and felt played. He tried to play about being full and got played.

We see that the people of the island admire Tongrak, and he's involved in their lives. He's clearly playing a role here that Rak's friends hired him to play to help their cranky friend relax and finish his book.

I also like that Mut has made it clearly he is down to fuck with Rak whether he pays for it or not, because Rak is trying to hook up with someone for inspiration for his novel. I like that he removed the wealth component there, because it's clear Rak is used to throwing money at all of his problems.

Finally, Mut stopped immediately when he realized he'd actually scared and upset Rak. He doesn't actually want to hurt this man.

Why This Rocks for Peat and Fort

These two found a good rhythm in Love in the Air. They're good at this form of asymmetric bickering and flirtation. However, this time Peat gets to play the older, richer character. It's fun for me, because I think there's going to be a bunch of transference from LITA that covers how much of a jerk Rak is being to others.

I am glad that these two aren't reprising the same characters, and are being given a reasonable way to take advantage of their existing dynamic and tools. It's interesting that these guys can tap into similar beats without it feeling like the same characters.

On the Colorism

I see it, and it's there. However, I don't think MAME is an outlier in using it in her shows. There's a really rough sequence in Fish Upon The Sky (with Neo no less) that comes to mind immediately. I also just think that the skin tone stuff seems built in to a lot of the works we encounter (especially considering that some of these guys are literally brand ambassadors for skin lightening products or clinics). I think there's something to say about the way Mut is teasing Rak with a country bumpkin bit that could almost be read as race play, and there's maybe something to unpack there with far more nuance than I think we normally bring to BL.

But hey, while I have you here, now's a good time to say that if we want to tackle how race affects the queer experience, For The Boys is right there!

#Ben writes #love sea #love sea the series #bl meta #thai bl #bl series

[ghouljams]

https://www.tiktok.com/@kickupsomedust/video/7374145884403223854?_t=8n2jGA6urd5&_r=1

goose? but i feel like it could fit someone else too just can’t put my finger on it

No that's absolutely Goose coded. I have in fact written fic just for you because of it, so here's Goose being possessive and mildly insane.

You open the trailer door in nothing but a tank top and a pair of panties, still brushing your teeth. You raise a brow looking at the woman with her hand still raised to knock on the door. She smiles sweetly. Phoney fucking bologna. You lean to the side and spit your toothpaste onto the grass, ignoring the face she makes. You get a good view of her nice white boots before you straighten up.

"Can I help you?" You ask because she doesn't seem intent on talking.

"I'm lookin' for Simon Riley?" She coos in a voice that says she's trying to be polite but really sees you as an obstacle more than a person.

"Ain't he comin' off a roping round?" You give your teeth another quick brush just because you don't wanna stand around holding something and because you figure it'll make her realize you're not interested in helping whatever little scheme she's cooked up.

"He offered to help me with my tack," Sounds innocent enough, not exactly your husband's MO though, "he said I could meet him at his camper." Ah. "Didn't mention you." Uh huh. You nod. This is sounding more like him, send the pushy problem to you to deal with.

You tug your toothbrush from your mouth and spit again before smiling at the girl. "Well ain't that sweet of him, bless his heart I'm always tellin' that man he's gotta start being nicer to people." You gesture with your toothbrush, flipping off the men that wander by a little too slowly. It's not your fault this bitch wouldn't stop hammering on your door long enough to let you pull a pair of jeans on.

"Right," the girl pulls the word suspiciously through her lips.

"My brother sure can pick 'em," you see the tension in her shoulders loosen a little, "wait here baby, I'll put some pants on and we can go lookin' for 'im."

You think you know why Simon sent this chick your way. She won't shut the fuck up. You're doing fine keeping up, but you're sure his head was spinning. As it is you're fielding questions about your husband and attempting to give awful but honest answers. When she asks if he's got any neurosis you almost lose it. You cover by telling her he's a veteran and that seems to handle most of her questions from there. It's too bad the woman went after your husband, you might have liked her if she wasn't an attempted homewrecker.

Though that thought is quickly dashed against the rocks when you spot Simon and she goes running over to him. It's then that you get a good look at the rhinestones covering her back pockets. Fucking saddle scratchers, of course she needs help with her tack it's probably torn to shreds. Simon looks straight past her to you, his face going white --well, whiter-- when he sees you smile. He's quick to side step the woman and stalk over to you.

"What're you smiling about?" He asks, his voice rough, you wonder if he had a rough ride for his practice round. You desperately want to ask if he knows the dummies they bring out don't move, that he doesn't have to work so hard roping the suckers. Instead and tip your head to make sure he knows you're looking at him and grin.

"Thinkin' about how sad and sorry you'd be without me."

Simon hums, leaning down to kiss you. The soft press of his lips is made all the sweeter for the gasp that escapes your unwelcome guest. You keep your hands at your side, really drive home that your man wants to kiss you the way his big hands cup your face to keep you in place as his tongue swipes against the seam of your lips. It's really too bad Simon likes putting on a show. You'd stand here and kiss him all day if you could, but you have a fan to deal with. You turn your head on the next kiss so Simon's lips land on your cheek, it doesn't stop him. His lips trail over your cheek, against your jaw, you have to push at him when his stubble scratches at your neck. Too ticklish early in the morning for his nonsense.

His wannabe bunny is paler than a ghost watching you press your hands against Simon's broad chest. She scowls at you, and you stick your tongue out in response.

"You could've told me he was taken," She spits at you, "you're not funny." So weird, you think you're hilarious. Simon let you go to give the girl a confused look. She glares at him as well before turning to leave.

"Oh wait, you got somethin' on your jeans," You tell her, she twists and you step closer, "looks like you sat in something."

You grab the top of one of her pockets and jerk hard, ripping the damn thing from the seat of her pants. She shrieks and Simon's quick enough to make sure she doesn't catch you with that weak ass swing.

"You bitch!" She yells at you. You blow her a little kiss with her stupid bedazzled pocket.

#cod x reader #x reader #simon ghost riley #x oc #cod x oc #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost mw2 #ghost x reader #simon riley #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #mw2 ghost #ghost cod #oc: goose #cowboy au #cowboy!ghost

[probably-writing-x]

All The Firsts

Summary: Heyyyy! So, could you write something about the reader being in her first relationship with spider (hbh) and her being worried about how she’s new at this? Or just something fluff about spider? Idk if this makes sense

Warnings: Mentions of sex / sexual acts, mentions of low self esteem / self depreciating thoughts, cursing

Word Count: 6.5k

Author’s Note: Okay I loved writing this so much I’m sorry it ended up so long !! But plz let me know if you want a part 2 because I’ve got SO many ideas about reader navigating relationships etc. !!!!

Spider had a reputation. It was practically notorious. He was one of the Hartley boys that you were certain would never settle down. He made crude comments and bitter insults and there was no way he’d ever want a relationship. In fact, you were certain he’d never been with the same girl more than twice. That was just a rumour though. He’d spoken to girls for months, did all of that relationship stuff with them without it being a full relationship. Then he’d dated Missy. And that lasted a good few months, he even held her hand around school. He introduced her as his girlfriend, he cancelled plans to be with her. It was a proper relationship. But it ended after those few months. You were told that she ended it, but then Ant told you Spider had ended it, and Spider told you it was mutual. You didn’t ask again.

You and Spencer had been friends since the two of you were kids. Maybe friends was a stretch. You know that kid you’re just friends with because your Mums were inseparable? That kid you only saw because you could see his bedroom window from your own? He’d lived next to you since you’d been born and so you’d spent your baby years sharing baths and crawling around on the same baby mats, and then your toddler years stumbling around in the yard, learning to swim in the lake, learning to ride your bikes on the same street. Once you were both old enough to make your own decisions, that friendship had shifted. You two went into school together, but you didn’t interact much at school, and then you’d come back together too. He was in the popular group and you were far from it. You just didn’t have much in common anymore. Once he started driving, he’d drive you in every morning and make sure he got you home too. He never invited you to the popular people parties, and you never really saw him at weekends or anything, but he was always nice to you when you did see him. He’d smile at you if he passed you in the corridor but never say hi. In fact, you weren’t even sure if his friends knew your name, let alone that you’d seen Spider wet the bed when he’d had a sleepover at your house when the two of you were toddlers.

The older you grew up, the more you realised how different you and Spencer were. In fact, the more you realised how different you were to almost everyone else in your year at school. When that incest map got revealed, you were one of the names that wasn’t so much as mentioned. You’d looked at it too, searched for your name, even though you knew you wouldn’t find anything. Spider had a few lines drawn from his name then, but you knew it would be more if it was re-done now. And if they accounted for all the other people outside of school, there’d be even more.

“Spec? Are you good to go?”

Spencer cuts through your thoughts, snapping back to the reality of you being sat in the passenger seat of his car. He has one hand on the steering wheel and the other arm behind your seat ready to reverse from the parking space.

He never stopped calling you Spec. When you were younger you couldn’t say his name properly so ‘Spencer’ had morphed into ‘Spec’. And for some reason, a young Spencer had thought everyone had the same name. So you’d been Spec too. And it was still what both of you went by to each other now.

“I-“ You clear your throat, “Yeah.”

“Put your seatbelt on, your Mum would kill me,” He nods his head towards you, starting up the engine to reverse onto the street.

You oblige, clicking your seatbelt in and resting your head back against the chair, closing your eyes.

“Am I that unbearable?” He scoffs, indicating onto the road to the right.

“No, I’ve just got a headache,” You mumble, poking your eye open and glancing over at him, “You’re normally grumpy to be starting a school week again. What’s different?”

Spider shrugs, “I’m not at school yet, am I?”

“Fair point,” You hum, “How was your weekend?”

“I…” He stops to glance in the side mirror on your side of the car, indicating into the next lane, “I went to a party, got very pissed, and ended up arguing with Missy again.”

“About what this time?” You roll your eyes, drawing your knees up to your chest and resting your feet on the seat.

“She’s my ex, we’re always going to argue,” He shrugs, “I don’t even remember what started it this time, you know what it’s like.”

You scoff. Not exactly. But you wouldn’t say that. You assumed that Spider knew you never had a boyfriend or anything, mainly because it would be impossible for him to not know. But part of you thought he just assumed you’d at least been with guys - had people over, met people out, went on a few dates even. You didn’t exactly have the heart to admit that none of that had ever happened.

“Oi,” He cuts through your overthinking once again, “Get your feet off my seats.”

———

Your school day is relatively uneventful. Ant tried to start a food fight in the lunch hall and ended up just covered in food himself before getting sent to Woodsy’s office. Spider had started a rambling in your English class about how love is a stupid concept and Missy made a bitter comment about how it was because he was incapable of admitting how he felt. You never really asked him much about that whole relationship. She seemed like a nice girl and he seemed happy when he was with her. But maybe she was right, you couldn’t really imagine Spencer ever being able to talk properly about how he felt - and even if he did feel something, it seemed likely that he’d just try to suppress it.

He’s waiting by his car when you get out of your final class, swinging his keys around his index finger. His legs are crossed one over the other, his blonde locks falling in a shadow over either side of his forehead. He’s wearing a baggy green t-shirt over a long sleeved white top and cargo trousers that seem to swallow his form. Spider’s a handsome boy, and it irritates you that he knows it.

“Are you staring at me Spec?” He’s looking directly at you when you make eye contact with him, a smirk on his lips.

“Oh grow up,” You roll your eyes, dropping your bag down from your shoulder.

“God, you’re insatiable,” He wiggles his brows, taking your bag from you and tossing it into the back seats of the car.

“What ar-“

“Do you have plans?”

“No,” You respond, walking around to the other side of the car, a little apprehensive for what was coming next.

“Fancy a swim?”

You don’t say no, and not a single part of you wants to say no either. You liked this side of Spencer. You saw it more when the two of you were younger. He’d knock on your door with his bike and tell you that you were going on an adventure. The two of you would end up in the woods together for hours until you knew it was getting dark enough to mean that curfew was coming. Sometimes, he’d stop to go into the shop and buy you both snacks with the small allowance he had. It was always a can of soda and a bag of salt and vinegar chips. Always both to share.

Spider winds down the windows on both sides and hands you over the aux cable to put your playlist on. That was one thing he was always sure about. You were quieter than him, less popular, had less exciting stories to tell, didn’t really get into trouble like he did, but when it came to your music taste you would always one up him. His playlist was made up of at least 70% of songs that you’d recommended him - normally these little unknown local rock bands that you’d seen at a show, or a song you’d heard a snippet of and sent him as soon as it was released. Every so often it would be old songs that your Dad had brought you up on. And every single time, Spencer had to reluctantly admit that it was a good song, and days later you’d hear it blaring from the speakers in his room, travelling all the way across to your house. You’d text him to turn it down and he’d flip you off at the window and tell you this was your fault anyway. So, yes, the music was always your call.

Spider’s driving for a half hour before you get to the lake, and he parks up just by the trees. Both of you get out and he leads the way through, moving branches out of the way so they don’t hit you. Once you reach the clearing, the pair of you are overlooking the still water, stretching out for what seemed like miles in every direction. There’s a wooden pier on the close side that Spencer walks out onto.

“It’s probably freezing,” You point out, grimacing at the thought.

“I know,” Spencer laughs, tugging off his shoes and pulling down his trousers.

“You can’t be serious,” You feel your cheeks heat up, turning away from him.

“What? You’ve come all this way and you’re not going to get in?”

“I’ll sit on the edge,” You shrug, looking towards the tree line to avoid him as he stripped in front of you so nonchalantly, “I don’t even have a swimsuit.”

“I’m wearing my boxers, I don’t bring swim shorts everywhere with me,” He scoffs, evidently recognising your distaste towards the idea of wearing your underwear in front of him, “You can put my t-shirt on over you. I don’t mind.”

“I-“ You pause, “Well I…”

“I won’t look Spec, I’m not a perv.”

He steps forward and hangs the t-shirt over one of the wooden posts of the pier closer to you, stepping back. You glance over your shoulder to see him running towards the water, diving into the lake as if he had no fear at all. The splash sprays up far enough to reach you, specks of cold water dotting over your shoulders. Spencer lets out a noise somewhere between a yell and a yelp - shaking his head at the temperature of the water as he kicks back to get further in. He turns around to face away from you and raises his hands in some sort of gesture of peace as if reassuring you he wouldn’t look.

You shake your head, mainly at yourself. What was the big deal? You were going swimming. It wasn’t exactly a big thing. You take off your shoes, fold your trousers on top of them, fold your tank top over those, and hang your jacket up on one of the other wooden posts. Spencer’s clothes were sprawled over the pier without a care in the world. You tug his t-shirt over your body and let it hang over your thighs, the short sleeves dropping down to your elbows.

Spencer turns around in the water, his arms waving through the surface to keep him afloat, “Perfect fit,” He laughs, “Come on, no excuse now.”

“After how you screamed when you got in?” You roll your eyes, “Sounds so tempting.”

“Oh fuck off,” He shakes his head, swimming over to the edge of the pier as you sit down on the end, letting your legs dangle into the water.

He reaches his arms up towards you and you hold onto his forearms as his hands grip your waist. His eyes search for yours for approval before he helps lower you down, watching your face contort and grimace as the cold starts to hit you.

“Wait, wait, wait,” You shake your head as you fully hit the water, kicking your legs wildly beneath you as the water splashes over your shoulders.

Spencer laughs, his hands still on your waist, yours still gripping his arms tightly.

Your breath is shaky and you’re working a million miles a minute to catch up with it, looking into his laughing eyes as you get used to the temperature.

“Fucking hell, this was a stupid idea,” You grumble, finally seeming to relax.

“You’ll live,” Spencer rolls his eyes, swimming away from you and dunking his head under, curtains stuck flat against his temples when he comes back up.

You ease yourself into it, swimming a little further out to follow him.

Everything that Spider did, he just seemed to do so fearlessly. When he started his rants at school, when he said things nobody else did, he didn’t think about what the response would be, he just did it. When he started playing basketball, he was the worst one on the team and he still showed up every week. Now he was easily one of their best. Whenever you’d heard stories about him asking girls out, it was always him approaching them, asking the question and not being scared of the rejection. Though you weren’t sure anyone had ever outright rejected him yet. Maybe Amerie did, once, but you’d never asked him about that.

“So I heard something interesting at school today,” Spencer begins, turning around to face you.

“Go on.”

“You know that guy Malcolm?” He continues, a smirk tugging at his lips, “He did butt stuff with Suzie Cho.”

“Oh god, Spec, is there anything else you could’ve said to describe him?” You grimace, “Like literally anything else.”

“He did butt stuff with one of the Sarahs?” Spider shrugs, “Is that better?”

“Okay, okay, just carry on.”

“Well, apparently, Malcolm has a bit of a crush on you,” Spencer grins widely, “He was asking Ant who the chick is that I drive to school every morning.”

“Wh-“ You shake your head, “That’s probably not… I mean, he probably doesn’t like me, he might just want to know why you’re with me all the time.”

“Please, he wouldn’t be asking if he wasn’t interested,” Spider shakes his head, dots of water spraying from his hair, “So, do you want me to give him your number?”

“No!” You’re quick to respond, probably a bit too quick, “I mean, I don’t know, I barely know Malcolm.”

“What else is there to know? He likes butt stuff, he… okay yeah that’s pretty much all I know about him too, but he seems like an alright guy,” Spencer continues, “Why not give it a go? What’s stopping you?”

“I-“

Despite the cold, you can feel your cheeks heating up. Like you’re under pressure. And you’re not sure if your heart is racing in the cold or just because it’s trying to help your brain think of any response.

“Is there another guy?”

“No.”

“Are you batting for the other side?”

“Spec.”

“Valid question, no judgement here,” He raises his hands, “What then? You’ve not done butt stuff? Because seriously, there’s a first time for everything and I’m sure Malcolm’s into other stuff too or-“

“Spencer.”

He stops then.

“I haven’t…” You shake your head, “I don’t have any experience like that.”

He frowns, “What are you talking about?”

“Exactly what I said. I don’t have any experience. No relationships, no dates, I’ve never slept with a guy, I’ve not even fucking kissed a guy.”

“Wha-“ Spencer half-laughs, “Are you serious?”

“And this is why I didn’t tell you,” You roll your eyes, kicking your feet to swim away from him.

“No, wait, (Y/n)!”

You push yourself out of the water and back onto the pier, hurrying over to grab your things together. Your whole body is shivering now, the material of Spencer’s top clinging to you all over and itching at your cold skin.

“(Y/n) stop come on!” Spencer clambers out of the water behind you.

“Can we just go home, please? I shouldn’t have said anything and we should be getting back anyway and-“

“(Y/n), please,” His hand reaches out and grabs your forearm, “Just stop for a second.”

Spencer turns you around to face him, sighing as you finally seem to accept a bit of defeat.

“I didn’t mean to laugh,” He says softly, sincerely, so much so that you believe him, “I just… Im surprised, that’s all.”

“Yeah, well,” You shrug, looking down at the wet patches on the floor to avoid his eyes, “That’s why I don’t talk about it. It’s weird. I’m seventeen and I’ve never done anything romantic with a guy, haven’t had any guy be interested, not even slightly. I’ve never,” You laugh nervously over your words, “I’ve never even had to reject a guy because they’ve not even been interested in me in the first place. So yeah, I guess you have every right to be surprised.”

“No, not like that,” Spencer shakes his head, ducking just slightly to try and meet your eyes, “I just mean… I don’t know what I mean.”

You look up to him, drawing your arms around yourself as if aiming to avoid the embarrassment as much as possible. Maybe if you did it for long enough you’d just disappear in front of him, he’d forget it ever happened.

“You’re not…” He stops himself, “There’s nothing wrong with you, (Y/n)… before you start thinking that, I mean. There’s nothing wrong with you not doing anything like that, you know.”

“Yeah, well, it doesn’t always feel that way.”

“Look at you, (Y/n). Any guy would be lucky.”

You roll your eyes, “Being nice doesn’t suit you, Spec.”

He outwardly laughs, “And she’s back.”

You smile at him faintly and a small fraction of the worry in him seems to ease. He just needed to see that at least a bit of you was back. He hated the idea of you hurting, and hated even more the idea of him being the one to hurt you. He’d meant what he said. Any guy would be lucky. And the thought of you not knowing that seemed to just repeat in his head. He’d known you since the two of you knew anything, and he’d grown up with you since then. Even when he was a cunt, when he was the most hated person in school, you were always there - waiting to go home with him, eventually waiting at his car for him to drive you home. He woke up in the mornings and looked for your bedroom curtains to be open just so he could see you. He’d wave or flip you off or try to mouth something you couldn’t understand. He even found himself checking late at night sometimes that your light had gone off so that he knew you weren’t staying up late worrying yourself over something. How would any guy not want a girl like you? Spencer hadn’t given it much thought until now. He’d just assumed other people saw what he saw - he’d never considered that they hadn’t been seeing you at all.

“Can we go home?”

Spencer nods, “Yeah, let’s go.”

You both change, damply, back into your clothes, and walk back to his car. Spencer takes back his t-shirt and rings it out, throwing it into the trunk with his gym bag. You sit into the passenger seat and put your jacket beneath you to not make his seats wet. He climbs into the driver’s seat and starts going without a word. You don’t play any music this time, your mind already felt loud enough.

Within the hour, he’s parked back in front of his house and you unclip your seatbelt.

“Um,” You clear your throat, “You can give Malcolm my number… if he wants it I mean.”

Spencer looks at you and raises his brows, “Yeah, yeah, okay, if you want me to.”

“I just… I’ve never… I wouldn’t really know what…”

“Then I’ll help you,” He shrugs, “What are friends for, right? I can help you get ready for a date with him, at least.”

“Thanks Spec,” You nod, “Good night.”

“Night, (Y/n),” He says softly, watching as you get out of the car and walk the few steps towards your own house.

He sits there for a moment longer, letting you disappear before he makes any other movements. And, when he walks into his house, he smiles at the sight of the light on behind the curtains in your room, smiles even wider when he turns up his speakers to play a song you’d sent him last week. His phone pings with a text from you only moments later.

———

Malcolm asks you on a date for that Friday. You’d been speaking to him all week, like you’d actually been able to keep the conversation going for that entire week. He was funny, he was charming, he asked you questions about yourself, he was sweet. Spider had been asking you about how it was going every day, he tried to get more information out of you - what had Malcolm said? what had you responded? were you any good at flirting? had he been weird yet?

“Okay, so, it’s Friday, what’s the date plan?”

“I don’t know, Malcolm said he’d plan it,” You shrug, scrolling down your playlist to find a song.

“What?” Spencer exclaims, “You don’t know?”

“Yeah, is that weird? He just said he’d plan it.”

“No, no, it’s not weird,” He assures you, “I’m just surprised you’re so chill about not knowing what’s going on, normally you’d be stressed about things.”

“Well I’ve never been on a date before so there is no normally.”

Spencer rolls his eyes, “You know what I mean Spec, you just get worried about things quickly and I thought this would be the same. But I’m glad you’re not. So, what are you going to wear for your hot date?”

“Ew I’m not talking about that with you.”

“Oh come on,” He laughs, the corners of his eyes creasing the way they always seems to do around you, “We’ve shared a bath together (Y/n), there’s no boundaries anymore.”

“For the last time we were like two when that happened! Stop bringing it up!”

———

Spencer drives you home that night and wishes you luck at least five times before you get out of the car. He tells you to text him as soon as you’re home.

You shower, get changed at least four times, do your makeup and then wipe some of it off when you think it looks like too much. And you’re sat on your bed ready a full ten minutes before he said he’d pick you up. You hadn’t heard from Malcolm for an hour or so, but you didn’t think much of it. Maybe he was getting ready too. You notice he’d read your last message, though, and think that texting him wouldn’t cause much harm, right? What’s the policy on these things? Should you let him know that you’re ready or would that be too eager? Should you maybe double check the time, or just make sure that he definitely knows your address?

Ugh.

Maybe dating was stressful.

You spend a full ten minutes debating over whether it’s a good idea to text. Nothing wrong with a text. And then you spend another ten minutes wondering what exactly you should write, only then realising this now meant that Malcolm was late and you still hadn’t heard from him. Now should you be worried.

Okay, fuck it, just send the text.

Hey, are you on your way?

He reads it almost instantly. Can’t be on his way then.

Sorry, (Y/n), I can’t do tonight. It’s complicated, sorry again.

You feel a lump form in your throat, a twisting in your stomach, a sickness that only came from this sort of gut wrenching moment. He’d cancelled on you. Did it even count as cancelling if you had to ask him first? He didn’t even give an explanation. Was he just hoping you wouldn’t ask? Was he hoping he could just pretend like he’d never asked you out in the first place?

You feel tears bubble in your eyes and instantly hate the idea of you being sensitive about this. Was it dramatic to be upset? No, you were upset. Not just because he’d cancelled, not just because he’d been shitty about it, not just because you were actually looking forward to your first date. But because it confirmed every worry you’d implanted in yourself about this whole thing. It confirmed every time you’d been nervous and panicked and stressed that these good things would never happened to you. It reminded you of every time one of your friends got asked out and you got swiftly ignored. It reminded you of every party you’d been told about where it sounded like everyone had got with someone there. And yet you were sat at home while it had happened, telling yourself that you didn’t like parties anyway.

And so you let yourself cry, the kind of cry that shakes your shoulders and lets mascara run down your cheeks. The cry that releases the tension in your chest and untwists the knot in your stomach.

—

Spencer didn’t want to text you whilst you were in your date. He’d told you to have a good time, he’d told you to text him if you needed anything. He should leave you to it. But your bedroom light was still on. You always turned it off before you left, it was ritual. In fact, you’d even hurry back inside to make sure it was off.

He hadn’t heard a car outside, either. Had Malcolm not picked you up?

He felt the worry spiral inside of him. Maybe he should just text. It would be easy, right? Just a quick text to make sure the date was going okay.

How’s the hot date going?

He stands at his window as if hoping to see no signs of movement on the other side. Please, God, tell me he hasn’t cancelled, he thought.

Does it count as a hot date if he doesn’t show up?

He feels his stomach drop, a pit forming at the thought of anyone thinking it would be a good idea to cancel on you. What was wrong with this boy?

Without a second thought, he’s running out of his room and practically tripping over his own feet to get down to the front door as soon as he can. He opens it at the same moment that you open yours, both of you stood across the driveway from each other. You’re still dressed in your outfit for the date, a blue sundress with tiny yellow flowers. Your makeup has been stripped off and it seems a million tears have ran down your cheeks and yet you still try to force yourself to smile at him when you see him.

“(Y/n),” Spencer practically sighs over the word, like he can’t think of anything right to say in the moment.

He crosses over the few metres between you and wraps his arms around you, holding you against his chest.

“He’s a fucking cunt, okay?” He mumbles into you, one hand holding your head and smoothing over your hair, “He’s a fucking asshole, this isn’t you, okay?”

You step away from him and wipe under your eyes, “I’m being stupid, I know. It was only a first date, I don’t know why I thought-“

“No, no, you’re not doing that,” Spider shakes his head, “This isn’t your fault. And you’re allowed to be upset. He’s a cunt. Do you understand me?”

You laugh a little, “Thanks, Spec.”

“I-“ He scans you as if he wants to check you’re okay, looking for signs that he’d made anything better, “Come on, come round and watch a film at mine. We can order food. I don’t want you to be on your own.”

“No, come on Spider, you don’t have to do that-“

“I don’t have to do it,” He interrupts, resting a hand on your back, “Come on.”

His hand remains there as the two of you walk over, barefoot on the concrete between the two houses. His Mum is downstairs when you walk in, watching something on the TV in the lounge.

“Spencer?” She looks over the back of the couch when he walks in, “What are you- Oh! (Y/n)! What are you doing here?”

“We’re just going to watch a film, Mum,” Spencer speaks through a clenched jaw.

“Oh I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages!” She hops up from the sofa and hurries over, “You look pretty! I love this dress!”

“Oh, yeah, thank you,” You smile politely, glancing over to Spencer as if you’re not sure what to say.

“I’ll order us some pizza,” Spencer nods, his thumb brushing over the skin of your back before he lets his hand drop.

“Yeah, okay, yeah, I’ll have a-“

“I know.”

He smiles as he walks away, leaving you in the company of his mother. You’d known her all your life but that wasn’t to say you were her biggest fan. She’d always treated you like the daughter she never had. In fact, sometimes it seemed like she cared more about you than she did her own son. She repeatedly told your own Mum that she wished she’d had a daughter. You knew her and Spencer didn’t have the best relationship but he never spoke about it much. Whenever you’d seen him with her, he was always polite but you knew he’d argue with her at home. Sometimes you could hear them yelling from across the way and then you’d hear him return to his room and slam the door.

“I didn’t know you two were… hanging out,” She says suggestively, “Is there something me and your Mum should know?”

“Oh, no,” You half-laugh, shaking your head, “I just… No, I mean we’ve always been friends.”

“Oh of course you have, but I think you were half this height when you last came round to the house like this,” She chuckles, “Just be careful with him, you know what boys can be like.”

You’re thankful when Spencer rounds the corner back into the hallway.

“Pizza’s on the way,” He says, “Want to go upstairs?”

“Yeah,” You let out a sigh of relief through the word, “It was nice to see you Cait, I’m sure Mum will have you over soon.”

You follow Spencer’s steps up the stairs and into his room, where you’d once played games of Prince and Princess, or ones where you pretended to be soldiers or spies or superheroes. Where you’d once brought round your toys and swapped them with his. You can see your own window from the view through his just before he closes the curtains and it somehow eases a bit of the anxiety in your chest. He’d always been here.

———

The pizza arrives twenty minutes after and Spencer goes down to get it, leaving you sat on the edge of his bed in your dress. You felt overdressed and uncomfortable and it felt too tight on your skin when you thought about it too much.

“And dinner is served!” He smiles as he comes back into the room, “What’s wrong?”

“Um,” You look up and return his smile, “Any chance I could… I mean, do you have a… Can I borrow a top to wear?”

He laughs, “Yeah get pizza sauce down one of my tops instead of your dress,” He jokes, “Take whichever one, I won’t look.”

You flick through a few in his closet and then reach for one of the white ones, a graphic flower print on the back. A man of his word, Spencer faces the wall as you change, the dress pooling on the floor by your feet as you fit his t-shirt over your matching underwear set.

“Okay, done.”

He turns back around.

There was something about it. You in his clothes. Spencer felt like the blood had just rushed out of his head. Like his heart had forgotten to take a beat.

“Alright, I’ll find us a film to watch.”

He puts on Superbad and you both chat the whole way through it. He quotes it every so often because you were certain he’d seen this film more times than he could count. You both eat your pizza and he steals a slice of yours. He gets tomato sauce on his cheek and you laugh at him until he tells you to wipe it off. He tells you that he used to be scared of seeing a monster in his closet when he was a kid and he’d once tried to pull the doors off to stop them from being able to hide. You tell him you already knew that. You tell him that you wanted to be a vet when you were a kid and he reminds you that you once tried to do surgery on one of his teddy bears and ended up ripping the ear off. He still had that bear.

Eventually, the two of you are laying back on his bed watching the second film of the night. Your choice this time. 10 things I hate about you.

Somewhere in the progress of the night, Spencer found it impossible to take his eyes off of you. You were laying on the pillow next to him with your hand resting on your stomach with the other one down at the side beside him, your head angled towards him to see the screen. You laugh at something that one of them had said and he realises he hasn’t been paying attention to the entire thing. His hand falls down by his side and he feels it involuntarily inching just slightly closer to you. He felt like a kid again. His childhood crush in bed beside him and he felt like he had no idea of what move to make next.

And then it’s there. His fingertips brush against one of your hands. You flinch just slightly but you don’t pull away. And he laces his fingers with yours quickly before he overthinks it enough to regret it. You don’t pull away. You don’t want to. The contact seems to shoot a bolt of electricity through you, glancing to him to see him looking right back at you. He lets out a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding. His lips curl up into a small smile and he watches as you shuffle closer to him, his hand slipping out of yours to instead wrap around your back as your head rests on his chest, hair splaying. His heart is pounding underneath your head but neither of you say a word, both turning your focus back to the screen. He could feel the blood coursing through him, trying to relax into your touch despite how nervous he felt.

Had he always felt like this? Had he always been waiting on you? He couldn’t think. You’d just always been there. He looked forward to the mornings when he’d see you again. He looked forward to the end of the day when he’d go back to you. He looked to make you laugh, to make you smile, to make you feel better, to keep you safe. And you’d always felt like you were something that nobody else could ruin. You were in his life from the moment he could remember and he couldn’t imagine being at a point in his life where you weren’t there.

When he looks back down to you, your breathing has steadied and your eyes have fluttered closed against him, fast asleep against the rise and fall of his chest.

He brings a hand up and brushes your hair away from your face, fingers delicate to not disturb you.

Oh god, was he in love?

———

You wake up early the following morning, Spencer asleep beneath you, your head still on his chest. The sunlight is spilling through from the slight gap between his curtains.

“Wh-“ You mumble to nobody but yourself, propping yourself up onto your elbow as if you’re trying to assess the situation.

Spencer groans and his arm tightens around you as if he instinctively wants to check that you’re still there.

“What time is it?” Spencer mumbles through tired lips, his eyes still shut.

“I-“ You clear your throat, “I don’t know. I should probably get back.”

You scramble to get off of the bed, looking around the room for your shoes and your dress as if this was a one night stand you wanted to escape.

“Woah, woah, woah,” He groans as he’s forcing himself to wake up, “What are you doing?”

“I’m sorry about last night, I shouldn’t have… and we shouldn’t… I don’t expect…”

“What are you talking about?” He half laughs, propping himself up on his elbows, blinking away from the sleep from his eyes to let you come into focus.

“I just… I don’t want you to think that I thought anything of last night,” You breathe out, “I totally get it, I was upset and you were being a good friend and-“

“(Y/n),” Spencer gets up from the bed and steps forward so that he’s standing directly in front of you, “I don’t think that.”

You swallow the lump in your throat, looking up at him like he wasn’t the boy you’d always known.

“What I do think…” He takes a breath this time as if he’s trying to suppress his own nerves, “Is that we had our first date last night.”

“First date?” You half laugh, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks and that same bolt of electricity as his hand reaches out to lock with yours.

“Well, there was food, and a movie… two movies actually,” He points out, lifting up his other hand to brush your hair away from your face, “You even stayed the night. That sounds like almost a full date to me.”

“Almost?” You half-whisper, like you’re worried something’s going to ruin the moment, “What’s missing?”

“This.”

He shifts his hand to cup your cheek, his thumb shaping around your jaw to bring your lips to his, soft and yet somehow so certain of themselves. This was the first time anyone’s lips had been on yours, the first time you knew what it felt like to be kissed. And your heart seemed to soar at the idea of Spencer being the one to show you.

When he pulls away, his forehead rests against yours like he is desperate to hold onto some contact, like he can’t imagine being apart from you.

“I-“ You swallow the lump in your throat, “You…”

Spencer’s lips curl into a soft smile, “I’d say that’s a pretty good first date.”

———————

(Any of y’all want part 2????)

#spencer white #heartbreak high #spider white #spider x reader #spider x you #spider x y/n #spencer x you #spencer x reader #spencer x y/n #heartbreak high imagine #heartbreak high one shot #heartbreak high request #heartbreak high fic #heartbreak high drabble #heartbreak high spencer #heartbreak high spider

[loveandmurders]

The Sun of Ambrose IV (Lost Sinclair!daughter AU)

Hi everyone, this is fourth part my Sinclair!daughter AU in which the reader is Bo's daughter and she has been taken away and adopted by a new family. You can find part I here.

Hope you'll enjoy! <3

Warnings: no proof reading, mentions of a suicide, violence, killer!reader, mentions of pain and intense grief, of panic and despair, angst and more angst

You kept the promise you made to Bo. 

Without your parents knowing, you decided to come back to Ambrose. You waited for the next school break and you paid some friends for them to pretend you were going on holidays with them. Being mute was a new advantage for you, because your parents couldn’t ask your friends to speak with you on the phone. Plus, you stopped talking about the Sinclairs so they were certain you were finally at peace with your past.

You didn’t have Bo’s phone number so you couldn’t warn him you were coming back. You hoped he would be happy to see you.

You said goodbye to your adoptive parents and took a bus, and then another bus until you arrived near Ambrose. You found some people who agreed to drive you to Lester’s town and soon enough you found yourself walking on the dusty roads of the region. 

Luck was on your side this time as Lester found you.

“Y/N!” he yelled in pure joy as he stopped his truck and got out of it. He hugged you very tightly before checking on you to make sure you were alright. He gave you some water before asking you what you were doing here and where your parents were.

“They don’t know I’m here. I told them I was going on holiday with friends. I wanted to come back home without them… I wanted to talk with all of you without them around because they are scared of you” you explained and Lester hummed 

“And you, darl’?” he asked

“And me?”

“Ain’t ya afraid of us? After what your mom said and… did” he added and you shook your head without thinking about it “Ya sure ‘bout it?”

“None of you ever hurt me and… I’ve always wanted to come back home. It is true that I don’t fully understand why she did what she did, but I need to give Bo a chance” you replied

“Bo?” Lester laughed and you arched an eyebrow “He won’t be happy if you call him by his name. Ya betta call him ‘father’ ya know” Lester warned you

“The thing is… he isn’t my father anymore” you replied. Lester gave you a sad smile

“Don’t let him know such things, ‘kay? Or he’ll lose it.” Lester asked you as Ambrose was coming into view. You nodded in agreement. You needed to be careful.

Lester parked in front of Bo’s garage. Bo got out from under a car when he heard Lester’s truck. His eyes instantly lit up when he saw you. He wiped his hands on a cloth before coming to open your door and hugging you even more tightly than Lester did a few instants ago.

“Watcha doin’ here?” he asked with a bright smile, gently cupping your face

“Wanted to spend time with you… without my adoptive parents in the way” you replied

“They ain’t knowin’ ya’re here then?” he asked and he wrapped an arm around your shoulders when you shook your head “Let’s get home then. We’ve got so much to talk ‘bout” he hummed as he guided you towards the house

“Weren’t you working?” you wondered, you didn’t want to bother your father

“Work can wait. Vinny’ll love to show ya ‘round the House of Wax too” Bo said, so excited. Lester trailed off behind the two of you. He was certain it was going to be a very nice day.

And he was right about it.

You quickly felt very at ease with your biological family. You could tell they wanted you back and you teared up when you saw that they hadn’t touched your bedroom since you left. They helped you settle in. Lester went to buy you your favourite food, Bo chatted with you until it was time to prepare dinner and Vincent showed you some sculptures he was doing. You even started a project together.

You ate in a relaxed atmosphere. But you needed to know:

“I don’t remember much of my life here when I was a child. But I remembered very well the House of Wax and I also remembered about the ‘tourists’ because you never let me out of the house when people were coming in here. But I never saw them leaving Ambrose and there were often gunshots and screams. I couldn’t understand before but mother accused you all of being killers and… Well I’m wondering about it now” you signed. The twins exchanged a look

“Ya feel in danger with us?” Bo asked you. You gave him an unimpressed look as it was obvious he was trying to get the conversation to his advantage

“That’s not the subject. Are you killers?” you asked more bluntly this time

Bo didn’t have time to find the right answer as you all heard a car coming. The engine clearly had known better day and stopped in the middle of Ambrose. The twins quickly got up to take care of the situation.

“Lester, bring Y/N to your place while we take care of this” Bo ordered and your uncle quickly nodded and helped you to your feet.

You felt particularly annoyed at the situation but you followed Lester back to his truck. 

“Sorry, ‘bout that darl’, but business can be a little tough here sometimes, especially at night” your uncle tried to smile at you.

“I need you to bring me to the bus stop. If you don’t want to tell me the truth, I have got no reason to stay here or to want to talk with you. I asked a simple question, I wanted to understand. But if you prefer to lie to me, I don’t want this. I’m not even a Sinclair anyways” you grumpily replied.

Lester tried to convince you to stay at his place but you refused, so he brought you where you asked him to. He also gave you his phone number, as well as Bo’s and Vincent’s. He asked you for your number in exchange.

“I know ya’re upset with us, but stay in touch, darl’. We’ve missed ya, and we’ll do betta. I promise” he told you and finally agreed.

After this, the twins spent a lot of time trying to coax you into forgiving them and forgetting about the discussion. 

Bo wished you a good morning everyday and often checked on you throughout the day. Vincent as well. Lester was sending pictures of the road kills or of flowers, insects and rocks he enjoyed. 

You were happy. You sculpted a lot more and often sent pictures of your creations to Vincent so he could tell you how to improve. He was really proud of you and found you very skilled for your age. He was really excited about it, even if the twins hadn’t decided yet how to let you know about the killings. You seemed so sweet and innocent… They didn’t want to drive you away. They didn’t want you to understand why your mother killed herself.

But at the same time, you were refusing to come back to Ambrose without them telling you the truth. How could you be a Sinclair if they didn’t share everything with you? You couldn’t tell them you were a killer too then.

Things changed again when your mother discovered you were talking to the Sinclairs. If you had been smart enough to change their names, when she stumbled into one of the notifications, she understood it was Bo Sinclair messaging you. She was terrified for you, she was terrified of what these men could do to you. She needed to do something to protect you, she needed to make sure you wouldn’t end like your biological mother.

She was ready to call the cops and to let them know where the Sinclairs were. She was certain the police would find terrible things in Ambrose because the town was so strange and quiet. You managed to convince her to wait for the next day to do something about it: “it’s late mom, you can’t call the cops now. You need to wait until tomorrow morning at least…” you said and she agreed but only if you gave her your phone. You reluctantly obeyed, knowing the Sinclairs would be very distraught to not have news from you anymore.

More importantly, you needed to find a plan so your mother wouldn’t call the police on your family. You got mute to protect them, and you felt the same kind of panic you had when you were a child being interrogated by adults. You couldn’t really think straight, you could just act on instinct.

So you did something terrible. You took several different sorts of medicine and put it into your mother tea she always took before bed. You weren’t too sure what it would do to her, but you hoped it would make her sick enough for her to forget about the Sinclairs.

It did make her sick. So sick, she couldn’t leave her bed the next day. As you helped take care of her, you felt awfully guilty. It was your fault she was in such a bad state. However, what could you have done? You needed to protect the Sinclairs like you always did. Otherwise you would never live in Ambrose again, and you would die from the inside. You loved your mother and you were so grateful for the way she took care of you and cherished you… But deep inside, you were a Sinclair.

You thought that it was going to be okay, but when she started to feel better, she asked her husband to call the cops. You were forced to poison her again so all the attention would be back on her. How could your dad call the police when his wife needed to be looked after so badly? It was a vicious circle: whenever she was feeling alright, she wanted to protect you and to prevent her from doing it, you had to hurt her again and again. To appease her, you were barely speaking to Bo and your uncles anymore, just letting them know you were alright but that you needed to be with your mother, because she was very ill.

The doctors couldn’t find what was going wrong and her health only got worse and worse. You knew you were going to kill her if you didn’t stop the poisoning… But what could you do then? She would destroy the future you wanted, the future you needed for you to be whole again.

The irony wasn’t lost on you though: you were fully aware that you lost your biological mother because of your father, and you were now picking him over your adoptive mother. It hit you when you realised you were indeed choosing Bo. You gave her one last time the poison and she had to be taken to the hospital.

She died two days after.

And you cried so much with your dad. You felt shattered, because you loved her but you had to do it. No one could understand your pain full of guilt and duty. You simply sent a message to Bo “Mom is dead” and then you didn’t reply to him for days, which drove him ill with worry and despair. 

You wondered if you shouldn’t kill yourself but then her death would be in vain, and it would make things even worse.

Your adoptive father was an absolute mess. He forgot how to take care of himself and of you. He couldn’t get up in the morning. The pain broke him in a way he never felt before. You couldn’t stand to see him like that, because you knew it was all your fault. You were really a Sinclair, you couldn’t touch something without breaking it. And more terribly, you could only truly cherish your own blood. You tried to be there for him but he couldn’t stand to see you for a while; having a child with his wife had always been his strongest desire, but now it was only reminding him of her absence.

You were 18 and you were going to go to college after the summer break. Your father told you you were a big girl, and he needed some alone time. He gave you money and asked you to leave for the summer. You hugged him and left, already knowing your path was going to lead you to Ambrose.

When you arrived, Bo and Lester were out of town. Vincent greeted you with a bear hug and quickly started to take care of you. He made food for you and removed enough of his mask to kiss your cheek. You remembered his scarred face then, but you didn’t feel disgust. It was normal. He asked you a lot of questions and it felt nice to talk to him about what you felt. You didn’t tell him you were the one who killed your mother; you still felt a lot better. Bo came back home, and like the last time he saw you, his whole demeanour brightened up. He kissed your cheek and hugged you for a long time, until he felt you were completely relaxed against him. He sat you back down and knelt in front of you.

“Does anyone know ya’re here?” he asked

“No. My dad asked me to go away for a little while. He isn’t doing well now that mom is dead. He needed some alone time. He gave me some money though” you explained and you saw anger moving through Bo’s eyes

“He ain’t your dad, love. I am. He’d be takin’ care of ya if he really was lovin’ ya, don’t ya think?” he hummed with venom lacing his voice

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you” you signed before looking away, so Bo grabbed your chin to make you look back at him. He gently smiled at you

“It’s just that I’m your father, and ya’re home.” he smoothly told you and you nodded, which appeased him “Tell me, love, what happened for ya to stop talkin’, we’re all quite missin’ the sound of your voice?” Bo hummed and Vincent gave him a little disapproving sound.

“You made me promise to never talk about Ambrose to strangers” you shrugged and the twins hugged you with fierce love after such words.

--

PART V

--

Taglist : @murder-hobo - @lacychick ; @magical-sass ; @limehaspassed ; @loveinglymessedup ; @bloodmoon-bites ; @iwantsleepplz ; @kawaistrawberry21 ; @12gaugefalls ; @kriston1210

#house of wax x reader #house of wax x daughter #bo sinclair x reader #bo sinclair x you #bo sinclair x daughter #lester sinclair x reader #lester sinclair x niece #lester sinclair x you #vincent sinclair x you #vincent sinclair x reader #vincent sinclair x niece #slasher x daughter #slasher x reader #slasher x you #slasher x niece #slasher x y/n

[rockybloo]

Slightly (or extremely) unrealistic scenario but it’s funny (at least to me) so I’m sharing it:

A random person (preferably a woman) asks Sweetheart and Bitterbat “Do you think I’m pretty?” And, Sweetheart being the sweetheart she is (pun intended 🙂) says “Of course!” Bitterbat on the other hand is like “Yeah, but not as pretty as my girlfriend.” And then Sweetheart just looks at him with a serious face and says “Did you just tear down another woman in the age of the Barbie movie?” Bitterbat confused starts sputtering and before he can say anything else she drags him away saying “We’re having a talk about this when we get home.” Leaving the poor individual just as confused.

…The point is Sweetheart is a feminist no doubt (actually some doubt because you’re the creator so…)

I thought the Barbie movie was cute but...it was def very much 2010s Tumblr feminism for me. As in it just...really lacked dimension for my tastes.

So I don't particularly see it as something that speaks to Sweetheart save for her pointing at Ken during the earlier scenes and telling Bitterbat "Look it's you".

This is a long one so buckle up

In a situation where a woman randomly asked them (while they were their civilian selves) their opinion on her appearance, I imagine this would happen on a mall date where they are probably shopping for make up or clothing. And I imagine this is just someone wanting some outside views on herself to make an opinion on what to get. Or maybe it could even be a random street interaction.

Sweetheart would of course say she looked pretty since...well she isn't called sweetheart for nothing. And she would hype her up some to give her more confidence just for a extra nice cherry on top since she knows how it feels to have low self esteem when it comes to appearances.

Sweetheart also knows her man. She knows he thinks she is beauty herself and no one compares. She can also read Bitterbat's body language and knows he can be blunt as hell. She knows regardless of gender, that man will hurt someone's feelings.

So all she needs to do is give Bitterbat look. A very specific look he knows very well.

It's that "BEHAVE" look.

Bitterbat does what Sweetheart tells him, verbal or not, and he agrees with Sweetheart with a big ole artificially sweet smile. He enters that good ole customer service mode he takes when he knows being "himself" might lead to upsetting Sweetheart, and compliments the woman's appearance enough to send her on her way.

He's a smart guy and he knows his way around emotions very well. It's what makes him dangerous because of how well he can play people.

And once the woman walks away, beaming and happy, Bitterbat drops the act and Sweetheart just gives that amused sigh as she shakes her head some.

"Boy, if you don't stop being mean" But there's a chuckle to it because she finds it somewhat entertaining.

Bitterbat just does that smug ass expression where his forked tongue peeks from his mouth before pecking her on the cheek.

As for Sweetheart being a feminist, I don't really slap labels on OCs save for their race or ethnicity, their sexual orientation, and gender identity.

Labels don't give good enough insight into how a character really thinks so I don't wanna give one to a character and have people misread them.

So, to give her stance on gender based stuff, Sweetheart certainly believes everyone should be equal and that men shouldn't be deemed better than women. She also doesn't believe all men are complete heartless assholes or vilianizing masc things. Nor should more feminine things be deemed weaker and pathetic.

She also loves trans people and believes that women's rights should include trans women as well and that trans rights are human rights. And she believes that change cannot be achieved through the demonization of people just because of their gender identity or sexuality.

If that is what Feminism stands for then yeah, she totally is one.

#ask #ask: Sweetheart #ask: Bitterbat #ask: licorice #ask: glitter and guilt

[danwhobrowses]

Okay sure just split the group again I'm sure nothing could go wrong this time dividing them into sub-groups to sting at high levelled and relatively unknown areas with high risk and high threat of boss level enemies in the vicinity and then go on another break to make us stew on that, it's fine IT'S FINE!

#critical role #bell's hells #cr spoilers #c3 e89 #critical role spoilers #the volition #ruby vanguard #the imperium #ruidus #unseelie court #universe really gotta hit me with Frieren season finale and CR going on a break AND One Piece going on a break! #it's like you want me to have nothing to do on Friday #honestly how many times in all 3 campaigns has splitting up worked? Not a lot Matt it's just evil PCs have died #my Callowmoore heart of course is relieved that Ashton and Fearne are in the same group this time - they're not gonna lose her again #maybe we can sneak in some combo moves for Bearne and Bashton - play a bit of holies #but still it's difficult to gauge how to deal with Athion plus maybe a dragon indoors plus Ira's willingness to leave people behind #Otohan and Ludinus can be lurking anywhere too #we still have no idea where Ryn is being kept either #the Liliana assassination attempt is doomed to fail and as much as it's a terrible choice I think Imogen needs to let her go #she talks about Ludinus like an abusive lover but acts blind to the cries of the people she says she's protecting #like woman go home! If they need you then removing yourself from the board stops them that's why there's a target on your back #but we all believe in Gaz supremacy at least #and more moon lore always gotta have the moon lore #tag reader's bonus: turtles live in every continent except antarctica #idk usually I have this many tags in ship posts so I drop a headcanon but this is more just panic so you get a nice turtle fact

[widevibratobitch]

im so fucking mad at myself at my mother at her dead husband at god fucking knows what. "concentrate on yourself" well i cant can i. now more than anything i should and i cant. losing my fucking mind istg

#i wasted the whole fucking weekend because i *had to* come visit her and once i visited i *had to* hang out with my fucking grandfather #watching him cry about grandma and bitch about modern times and the waiter not doing his job because the café was full to bursting #and it took longer than usual to get our coffees so ofc he had to loudly insult him in third person. oh and then he had to bitch about #gay people and women who dont want children too because of he did. and i sat there and listened to it because i HAD TO #wasted four fucking hours. and then i HAD TO go to the theatre with my mom because she got us tickets because she wanted this #to be a nice day for me but i dont have fucking time to have nice days rn but in order for HER to have a nice day i need to at least pretend #i am having one. so i wasted another almost two hours on that play #which was some modern uselessly loud to the point of being physically painful bullshit bad enough that we left mid-show #and then i had to go meet with her friends so lost another two hours and by the time i got home to write that bullshit thesis it was 11pm #and i barely got anything done till 1 am because i went through another stupid little mental breakdown and then it was almost 6 am #and i had to stop because i had a train at 8 and i already only slept like 3 hours that day #and then i got home yesterday totally fucking exhausted and i started reading stuff for the thesis but i was falling asleep so i laid down #'for 10 minutes' and i woke up today at 6. not having written a word lol #and now i could just say fuck it and defend it in september and it would make my life so much easier. but my voice teacher wants me #to get accepted for the masters degree even if im already planning to get the deans leave for the first semester so like. god. #i cant do this lol #i know i should have started earlier but i was kinda busy losing my fucking mind and lying in bed staring at the ceiling for hours #and contemplating dropping out completely lol god i hate my life so much it's unreal

[brightokyolights]

Why is being a living exisiting human being so very confusing 🙃

#my brain is genuinely the worst place on planet earth ahaha!! #anyways the story that is bringing this on is actually nice i suppose but im exhausted so. let me just get into it and perhaps the dilemna #will make itself more aparant. #basically i hate interacting with people. its exhausting. like genuinely just takes so much brain power and social battery from me. even for #simple things. anyways so im telling someone this in my usual jokey way “im being tortured and kept outside of my home where i could be #chilling with a book“ so the other person is like oh you cant stay inside forever and ever. but then goes on to say from interacting with me #theyd never have guessed that i have such a hard time with talking and hanging out with people. that i never make someone feel like im tired #them or dont wanna talk to them etc. and internally im screaming because like. that is something i stress out so much about because i strugg #le so much with my responses and tone etc etc. thats why its so exhausting for me because im just constantly focussed on what im Supposed to #be like. the other part of me was kind of pleased in a way because i feel so painfully awkward that it stresses me out that people can see #right through me and think that i hate them when its not that i just. hate human interaction because its so tiring. so hearing that was like #oh so no one can even tell and i am stressing. for nothing. dw though this info will not help my brain learn to stop stressing out though #lmao. anyways final point i suppose is that the person also says that even if i am 'awkward' i sort of use it to my advantage and it doesnt #come across in an unsavoury way. anyways idk what to do with all this info. because the way i feel on the inside is so. and i worry a lot #about people seeing that on the outside. but part of me sort of wants it too because i just feel like absolutely no one fucking knows me? #and while i guess that was maybe my goal i also hate it? i shall rb a quote after this. anyways. idk what im saying. i dont fucking know. im #just so tired. so fucking tired. #le text post

[be-good-to-bugs]

im glad i wont have to wait much longer to know how thingd will go but im scared that i might find oyt things will go bad soon

#the bin #i want to know now but i also never wanat know #i think i will be stuck with an anxiety attack untill i know the answer #i could find put today though. apparently the person is coming there today so. possibly. #i cant stop crying everyday about how much i just wanna move home. im tired of living here. i miss my siblings so much. #i got to play a game with 2 of them today. i have barely got to talk to them so it was nice. but i think its made me even more sad. #i cant stand living here. im stuck being miserable. the only people i care about live so far away and i barely get to talk to them at all #i cant ever do anything fun at all. my life feels so empty. im tired of this. i didnt think i could get more isolated but i was very wrong #i just have to wait and hopefully the news is good. maybe it will be. i really dont wanna be stuck here. and i dont wanna have to find #another apartment to live in also. i wanna move home. i hate that i had no choice but to move far away from my family at 17 and then got #stuck in a place where i dont know anyone but 1 person who then ditched me. what the hell.

[liinos]

saw a reel of some kids at an orchestra camp that looked suspiciously like the one i was forced to go to one year... worst experience of my life!!!

#when i tell you i think there are things stemming from that experience! my parents were actually so wrong for making me go... #my mom CRIED bc i kept insisting that i didn't want to do it bc i a) was never That into music especially not CHAMBER music #b) knew that i would not know anyone and would be stuck in the middle of nowhere with people who were already friends from previous years #c) was only even given an audition bc my teacher knew the staff and their other oboist wasn't able to go that year and they needed one #d) WAS THIRTEEN AND WANTED TO SPEND THE SUMMER WITH MY FRIENDS #i do actually think it caused me real psychic damage attending that like the fact that Everyone was already friends with everyone else... #i came with no friends and i left with no friends! and when i tried to talk to the other girls in my cabin i could tell they were like... #why are you trying to be in our friend group. there was a girl who was nice to me but i was not her friend very clearly #also i was soooo out of my depth there it was Rough for me fr and like i Knew i was out of my depth i had no illusions about that #i knew i would be which is why i was like yeah this is Not for me #i still cannot get over my mom crying about this like this wasn't some great life changing opportunity... #my parents really have and always have had these Ideals they place on me bc They think xyz would be nice #or they wish they could have done it like ??? okay why does that have anything to do with me #my dad keeps being like well *I* want you to go to grad school in mtl bc i like mtl and i want to visit 😁 #like haha you're not funny actually 😁 first of all not a single damn thing is stopping you from going you can drive there whenever you want #secondly one of us does NOT want to be in mtl again 😁 and that one of us actually lived there before #also the way my parents constantly visiting me pissed me off to no fucking end... I'M NOT THE PROBLEM CHILD #worried that i just stay in my room like ???? okay??? but if i went out you'd flip bc what if it's unsafe. i LIKE staying home #and i HATED mtl so no way in hell was i going to go do shit especially not at night in the WINTER are you insane #like yeah i was super depressed. that was unrelated to me staying in my room like my room was my Space #anyway all this to say i'm setting the fuck boundary this time around like i actually dgaf i'm an adult and again #not your problem child so if you could stop projecting that onto me just bc HE fucked up when he was in school.... #parents will be like why can't you be independent and then literally not let you be i 🫶🏻 it #i do also hold it against the boy child and my dad for this 'you can only go to schools within a 6 hour drive' #which is only a rule my sisters and i had and maybe if the boy child wasn't a fuck up i couldve not had it but you know #he ruined any chance of that but my dad when i was applying for college was like oh it can be anywhere :) and then was like lol no #and then was like well for grad school you can go anywhere and then when it was brought up last time went lol no :) #so i'm going to have to bring lol yes :) energy cuz...

[neverendingford]

.

#tag talk #as much as I hate to see the social cinema grow as I get new followers. we're at a good and satisfying number. and I like that #also also also. I've introduced a friend to Hannibal (tv show) and he's loving it and I'm so happy cause none of #of my other friends have been able to stomach the body horror. so it's super cool to find someone to hype over it with #another random story that I genuinely can't remember if I said already. got told by a kid in minecraft that he's smiled a lot more around me #which. huge compliment. genuine honor to make people happy and smile and laugh #people don't laugh enough. we don't smile enough. be happy or die. and I'm too powerful to die. been there. haven't done that #cry and then laugh and then punch as hard as you can. #got to visit some of my favorite residents from the nursing home I first worked at. lotta new staff but my three favorite nurses are still #which is nice. I cried when I left that job because even though it crushed my soul I loved my coworkers and most of my residents. #I get why some healthcare workers grind themselves to the bone for the job. you're making such a huge difference in people's lives. #I tried but didn't have the fortitude for it. but it's nice to be able to go back and say hi to the friends I made and see how things are. #anyway. sorry for being weird like.. one or two weeks ago. I think things are settling out again. moving is rough but we're making it work #It's been a lot of Lear again lately. especially while being at my parents house. he doesn't mind being deadnamed as much sooo.... #idk. at least one of us is capable of surviving the dmv and the state medicaid website. heaven knows I can't manage. #trying to stop using him as a crutch for getting things done has just resulted in us not being able to get things done. #but I don't want to be someone else I want to be me. I don't want to be the armor I want to be the human inside. #I don't want to live defensively. pushing everyone away. I can't do that. #anyway. we're back home! and work is on the horizon. hopefully this job works out cause I don't want to have to apply for new jobs. #the hr rep is a man at this store and I immediately got set on edge and our voice dropped as I stepped back. #then we introduced ourselves with the wrong name and he got confused and I just felt stupid about it #but how am I supposed to know which name he's been told. he didn't even use our paperwork name. Anyway that was a disaster #but we're on track and embarrassment is not a setback but a feeling about the way things progress. and it is progress we're making

[raksh-writes]

I have a small birthday celebration planned for today, really just a few people, some cake and pizza and then we're going to an escape room in the late evening, but of course Im So Stressed about it, ughhhh. Im excited too, but my anxiety is having one hell of a field trip rn 😩

#personal #vent #Raksh vents #still a couple hours until they're here #and I have to go pick up my two cousins from the train station too before the other two guys arrive #gotta get some chips on the way there and then stop to fill up my tank on the way back #bcs I forgot it's pretty much empty and Im prob gonna end up being the driver this evening #so Im not even buying any alcohol #no use when we're gonna be sitting around for like 3-4 hours before we'll have to leave for the escape room #and when we're finished with that it's also gonna be very late so Im fully expecting the 'party' is gonna end there #which -- good #I really wanted to meet up with them and do the escape room but Im not that good at entertaining people #and prefer smaller and shorter gatherings so I hope this will all work out well #I don’t have all that much to do at home too #just tidy up the table get the cake and the likes #but other than that Im not doing anything big or whatnot #we just gonna sit down to catch up and maybe play some board games #I really want it to be just a chill nice time #also the drive to the escape room is prob ine of the things making me nervous #never driven to that town on my own #and the weather unfortunately got fucked ;/ it was so nice and sunny yesterday but now its dark and gloomy and raining hard 😔 #plus parking is never not gonna make me nervous #hate that part of driving ughhhh #anyway I guess I just needed to ramble out some of my nerves 🙈 #I still have like 2.5h until I gotta leave and all so its plenty of time to prepare #but also plenty of time to stress over everything 🙈 #ooof #okay anyway #gonna go try to distract myself until it's go time #hopefully it'll be a nice time for all of us 🤞

[yuridovewing]

Basically like. Onewhisker definitely has a point in wanting to keep relationships good when WindClan is just now setting up it's borders. Mudclaw instantly jumping to "no we gotta hate the other clans and beat the shit out of them if they look at us NOW" isn't productive and would have been a terrible beginning for WindClan. But also Onewhisker is definitely vulnerable to being taken advantage of. If he's too giving, then that's something the other leaders can exploit and hold over his head. Firestar in particular, cause they're besties, and they're both like "oh windclan owes thunderclan soooooooo much! we HAVE to give them everything or else we're ungrateful brats!" at this point. It's one of the reasons he doesn't bode well as a leader. I find it perfectly believable that he snaps so hard in the other direction when ThunderClan DOES take advantage of his kindness AND he nearly gets assassinated by half of his clan over this. Like goddamn I'd be throwing hands too.

#idk. i kinda relate to onestar in this regard? where other people will do a nice thing for me and ill feel compelled to defend them over it #but said people would also hold that over my head to make me do things i didnt want to do and give them so much #and i felt like i HAD to overcompensate and give them so much ''in return'' cause like. well i didnt want to be ungrateful. #i couldnt ever pay off my debt and i could not get out of it without being shamed. and then id face the consequences of giving too much awa #back at home where my family would be rightfully pissed saying that i was wasting their money by just giving so many things away #and also as soon as the well stopped? id get dropped like a hot potato and antagonized and mocked by those people #thats something ive definitely improved on over time like i dont give people my possessions anymore and i hold ppl borrowing from me accoun #accountable #but being a doormat is something i struggle with to this day. actually going through something that happened cause i was doormat #and idk i see that in onestar. hes being a doormat in starlight. hes being taken advantage of #so i dont blame him for finally snapping and full on being a dick to firestar. he kinda earned it #its better than him giving up everything for him #gn liveread

[running-in-the-dark]

Something I realised recently is that when my husband works from home (either 2 or 3 days a week) I just... can't get anything done until he's done working (or actually until he goes to bed, usually). I can't go into our office because that's where he works and I feel like I'd be interrupting. But even in the rest of the apartment, I can't do anything? It just feels like I'm in waiting mode until he's done.

Usually I get up super late too. I'll lie in bed for hours, scrolling on my phone or reading a book. Not on purpose, it's just like I'm waiting for him to come to me and tell me I should get up (not like he's ordering me or anything, just that my brain is aware someone else is there and they could make the decision for me, so I just don't do anything until then...)

It just feels like there's no point in getting up or doing anything. I don't quite know why. Maybe because it feels like 'oh now I only have x hours until he's done so then I'd be interrupted so it's pointless to start anything now'? But that doesn't happen the same way when he goes to the office.

Anyway he now has to work from home for 2 weeks, and last week he had time off, and the week before that he worked from home too. And I asked him to work from home tomorrow because I was worried about the storms, sooo it was just today that he wasn't home (and I didn't get shit done either because 1. I was in pain and 2. there were thunderstorms for so many hours and I was too scared 😭)

Usually when he's home I sit in the living room all day until he goes to bed (he plays video games on his computer after we eat dinner and spend time together), then I go into the office (if I'm feeling good enough) to paint or whatever.

I don't like it but I don't know what to do about it.

#and I don't mean that I dislike it when he's home! it's nice! makes me feel less anxious #plus he has to get up much later and is done much earlier so we have more time together #buuut it's really inconvenient that it kinda stops me from doing anything #it's so silly?? why can't I just do stuff anyway?! I WANT to! #idk this feels so stupid #literally all my problems can be traced back to my brain being a stupid idiot who makes up rules and worries about everything #ugh #personal #hm wait I generally have issues with doing chores in front of people or when anyone else is around... maybe that's something? I don't #know it's just so hard to figure out what's wrong with my brain... with my stupid brain. that doesn't work. #I don't know. maybe I'll just pretend he's not here tomorrow and try to clean anyway 🤷

[gothcarmelasoprano]

maw why are these troll accounts linked through my ex best friends STILL following me

#im highly convinced at this stage she was the one that made the fake accounts #the gas thing is is that she was mainly an online friend and had she kept in touch with me at the time she wouldve known i was in the #studio in college preparing for my assignment for the semester so i dont fail like there were specific requirements we had to get done for #that week... and you think i would have that time to make fake accounts if anything itd be you and your online friends #emphasis on online because you could hardly make friends or even get a job here so you got one back home #the saddest thing is that the memes can be funny but its just what they represent in this whole situation that sours it completely #dont get me started on her friend she is honestly so polarising even from an outsider's perspective #ugh it doesnt annoy me anymore as it did because at the end of the day it has nothing to do with me but the fact that theyre STILL going on #about it makes me think that her and her online buddies have nothing else to do apart from being with themselves constantly #i had that life but no way did i want to live that way in my 20s 💀 #i fucked up before that incident but isnt it convenient when we hardly spoke for a month just for the ~fake account~ to appear to stop #being friends like as awful as it sounds but itd actually be a lot easier just to say you dont want to be friends #instead of dragging outsiders into it like you do best #the saddest thing is that she was actually quite fake even before she went down a permanent online rabbit hole #and i was aware of it but because i was emotionally vulnerable at the time i never cut her off since i really wanted friends to talk to #play that cool girl alty idgaf attitude all you like but it doesn't change the fact that you're superficial no matter how much you mask it #ugh im hormonal and i cant sleep but at the same time its nice to be able to freely bc not as many people use tumblr anymore #i block those accounts not because im offended or im precious about my image but they do spam and its annoying af so i dont want that tbh #having pictures with a school friend whilst under the same breath making jokes of their dead brother is not a good look 😬 #i did fucked up things as a result of coping with trauma and alienation as a teenager but this is actually low? #im sorry but it does it screams fake and im pretty sure that the fake treatment was given to me when we first became friends #fake people rarely ever change #i have to get ready for work in an hour this was unexpected #might vent later because i feel like i can do anything on this godforsaken website #the shocking thing to them is that they nothing on me if anything the 'proof' she showed me almost exposed her and her crowd #i have deleted my fb account but i still have the screenshots somewhere

[wine-dark-soup]

Arf

#It's 🤌 the sudden realization living alone is terrible for you #My mom visited and left this morning #I was feeling so great even stopped having insomnia (that i had non stop since august) #(Btw you never realize how tired you are until you sleep soundly for 4 days and feel Normal again) #The weather is probably helping too but thats not just that #And now im alone again in the house and the minute she left i felt i was starting to drift again #Im a freelancer #I work from home so i dont even have work relationships #And depression really fuels itself like if i start being tired again if it stop sleeping again #I will be too tired to go out and i will remain Isolated #Which is pretty much what happened since august #I literally dont know how to form Solid relationships too and not just like having a nice chat with people i'll see once or twice #It's terrible bc i am Not as depressed as before so i am perfectly aware of the tools i can use and i remember feeling so strong #When i was declared 'healed' a few months back. Like it was true and i was about to seize the opportunity #But it was like; snatched from me and it IS even more depressing somehow. It was just here you know? #Idk; idk. I hope i'll keep sleeping so i can go out at least but i am really feeling hopeless and uuuh #Ill-fated? #To the point im on the verge of crying #EDIT WRONG BLOG not that it matters i just wanted to get it off my chest #Adding this too - i immediately started bad habits again. Like playing games in the evening. Bc what else is there to do when you cant ' #'Parallel play' with your mom in the living room? Chill while shes watches a show #? #Just chat with her (or anyone else)? #I have no interest in watching tv on my own i just wouldnt focus except if im 200% into it #So being alone in the living room is at best boring at worst anxiety inducing. Im just there. Waiting for something #So before it becomes unbearable i hurry nack to my bedroom and check my phone or go on a game #See what i mean?