I’ve relapsed twice 12/15/2019
But I let Vanessa know the minute I did the first time and the second time I took it upon myself to dump the baggie out and then throw it while I was driving. I had told myself months ago if I got the job I’d been waiting for, id be done, and it’s amazing to me how I now have two jobs that I’m basically applying it to. One marketing and one a restaurant job. I’m not going to pretend that everything just clicked into place and I quit. No, I still have the desire to get high sometimes but now that desire is part of me in the smallest way it’s ever been in almost my entire life. Nothing changed over night but it feels like it did. My motivation and drive is back, I’ve been home more the last week than I have been all year, and though I spend most of time at home face timing basically the only person I talk to, everything is just getting better. Though there are still some things I need to face that have nothing to do with my drug use, I can feel my strength to face those demons getting stronger. And whether or not I’ll be happy with the outcome of facing those demons, I know that it’s all for some better purpose, no matter if I agree or disagree with that purpose. I just know that purpose is mine and I’m about to leave a lot of people behind for good to truly become who I should.