#Just DO something god fucking dammit

[jiajiathedragon]

Just saw a friend I still haven't talked to in over a year and now I hate myself :)

#belltalks #vent #why oh why can't I just apologize to them and explain why I suddenly stopped talking to them over a year ago!! #ERRRRRH #I am such a coward #ughhhhhhhh #I still can't believe that I haven't talked to them in over a YEAR #Like just fucking type something #Explain that you were under so much stress that you had to leave for a bit unannounced #Tell them about the guilt that kept you from responding and the habit you developed through all the useless procrastination you did #Just DO something god fucking dammit #I really am an awful friend.

[imminent-danger-came]

The 1x00 AHiB -> 4x06 glowup

#this just reminded me I need to make a ''being there for your friends when they need you'' post #because that shit is EVERYWHERE #LIKE THAT'S ALL THEY FUCKING TALK ABOUT #''It's okay sandy! You're always there for us when we need you. The least we can do is be there for you when you need us.'' (4x06) #''No! Mei is my best friend. I'd never abandon her when she needs me—we're heroes! It's what we do!'' (3x10) #''You don't know! We'd risk it for sure! I won't abandon them when they need us'' (4x02) #''As long as I'm doing something to help out a friend- I don't mind what it is! I just want to be there for 'em when they need me.'' (2x08) #''Wukong only values people by how useful they are to him'' (3x08) #''No no honestly—this is exactly what I need right now. I'm trapped under a mountain- but the 6-earred macaque brought me a peach!'' #(4x11) #Literally just the shit off of the top of my head #and then. And then that in contrast with #''I get it. I'd do anything for my friends! But at the cost of the world?'' LIKE GOD DAMMIT LEGOS #You took the basic bitch ''Help you friends'' theme and went ''But what if helping your friend hurt others'' like come on man #Hello #Where am I #I'm dying. I'm dying #Okay imma go do hw......I guess....whatever.... #lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk parallels #lmk Sandy #lmk Mei #lmk Pigsy #lmk Tang #OH GOD ALSO. ''I will become someone they can depend on...the way I can always depend on them!'' (3x08) #AND #''But you're always there when I need you- so it's time for me to return the favor!'' (2x04) #Which also just ties into ''we'll figure this out together'' as a whole right #what. ever.

[essektheylyss]

Making lore characters is all fucking fun and games until you put some random puzzle pieces together because you have a lot of information and the perspective to do so and it might be the key to everything except that no one else has the information, your character would not yet be suspicious about it, and you're gonna have to act like this is not a thing you're personally suspicious about for months until you have a reason to be suspicious in game.

AGONY.

#I'm literally losing my mind. biting and scratching the bars of my enclosure. #how am i supposed to focus on WORK i need ANSWERS #I've unlocked a Travis Willingham emotion #just [doing something unrelated] [puts two and two together] oh god fucking dammit. I'm right aren't I. #hilariously i started this thought process at 'lol thatd be funny but this is just a conspiracy theory' #and then kept thinking about the different pieces and *motherfucker*

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#sometimes u volunteer to do a paper for lab meeting and choose something that's like just above you head #just enough to b like: god dammit i should kno this. im gonna sound so fucking dumb trying to explain this #bc my lab mates 1000% know more on the topic than me 😭 but ya kno. so it goes. #i should have picked an easier paper. no i shouldnt say that. ive had fun with this one but i wish it didn't make me feel so stupid #i just think the D1 protein is really neat. and chl f uses 2 of... paralogs. one of which is real fucking old #its just really cool how with genetics u can look back in time at a mess that became what we see today #ugh. i should sleep. i still have lots to read abt before 11 tomorrow. thank christ my doctors appointment got moved #unrelated

[castdowns]

the only half way safe space to be a lesbian is online and literally y’all fucking suck too, i am so depressed

#castdowns.txt #i hate conversion therapy i don’t want to be straight i don’t want to like men i don’t like them i don’t care for them #i am so tired of feeling like the most hideous creature because everything changes when people find out that i’m gay #like i’m either a little boy or a problem and i am so fucking sad #like sorry you can’t fix me but literally i will not be able to function if i concede more ground to men and patriarchy like i am so tired #i wanna lock myself in my room a lot of the time like i don’t feel good ever #and yes my period is coming but god dammit thats not the only thing wrong #its never the only thing wrong unfortunately i just have very strong emotions that i try to suppress all of the time #yes my fawn response is bad i know this i dont know what to do about the fact that there is nothing people organically like about me #everyone has to train themselves to tolerate me and i am not above working to be loved but it doesnt feel like work towards the love i want #it feels like tying a noose tighter and tighter #it feels like smiling while my blood is pooling down the fucking drain again and again #and i love people around me i do it just always feels like i am alone #i sleep under the flag and i sleep in my bed alone every night surrounded by the stuffed animals i buy to feel something #*jo march voice* i’m just so damn lonely

[crows-of-buckets]

Oh my fucking god I smashed the summit mask back in act three. What the fuck.

#pf wotr #I ACTUALLY WANTED TO DO HER FUCKING QUEST GOD DAMMIT #ugh i wish i played on pc then i could jusy glitch it in #im. so annoyed rn oh my god #i may just watch a playthrough of it or something #WHY CAN YOU SMASH A QUEST ITEM. WHOS IDEA WAS THAT

[astranauticus]

i'm not even done with the new rwd episode but. spoilers ahead

anyway funny thing. i wasn't like, super on board with the professionals when i was first binging through the first 3 seasons and especially once we got to season 3 i tunnel visioned on VR-LA and MR-SN super hard (as is probably extremely obvious from my art) but like. 4.5?? the exchange they had??? the fucking breakup scene???? yeah. yeah i get it now. i have no idea why or what changed but i have now Gotten It at the worst possible timing. what the hell

#rolling with difficulty #usually i don't tag my rambles but just this once i'm gonna do it i want to share my sadness onto other people #im like too sad to finish rhe rest of the episode but too mad to go to sleep so i'm just sitting here stewing #genuinely i have no idea what made it click for me but like #honestly every part of that conversation hit me like a truck #maxim saying it's rare for adventurers to voluntarily leave that life for 'something greater' - ouch???? #like it's so fuckin targeted dear god but also yeah. yeah he would think that huh #vr-la saying he's here as a friend extending a curtesy and maxim immediately being like 'your flattery is unnecessary' like fuck man #'if you wish to avail of my friendship *or something more* i'm afraid that's no longer possible' there's so many layers of what the fuck #'you of all people asking for change' i honestly laughed cuz that's just a good line but also godfuckin dammit #and like just... all of what VR-LA said before he left. like the way neither of them are willing to make enough of a change to get out of th #this unstoppable force vs immovable object situation they're in #they're so like. perfectly in opposition. and it tickles my brain but also DAMN this conversation is painful #god. i hate this /pos #like YES I GET IT NOW BUT ALSO WHY *NOW* #angry and in pain #i guess to some extent it's also like #i've been in that situation where you and a good friend realise your lives are going in irreconcilably different directions #and you want to keep them in your life but it's just not possible with the way you want to live your life and they want to live theirs #and it HURTS and there's NOTHING you can do about it which makes it HURT SO MUCH MORE #fuck. what the hell #especially when the things they'd need to change would also be GOOD for them like maxim embracing change and accepting risks #and VR-LA learing some self-preservation #but at the same time it's like yeah of course they're gonna push each other away rather than change the way they view their lives #i mean both are painful but one of thems clearly easier than the other #i mean speaking from experience one is in fact clearly easier than the other

[replicasoul]

hate that breathing issues mean that taking a shower leaves me nearly passing out keep ending up in the loop of "ok, i dont feel good/im bored, i want to go out and do something today. maybe shop for groceries. lemme shower first" and then by the time im out of the shower i feel like im about to keel over and die

#i legit have never known whether its Asthma or just Extremely Bad Allergies #i know i have the latter but the former hasnt ever been confirmed directly #when i was a kid they put me in the like 'asthma training class' or w/e. where you learn how to use an inhaler and stuff #and i was told smth along the lines of 'you have asthma but it affects you differently' or something like that. idr at this point #either way i have had chronic breathing issues and it fucking sucks #apparently my lungs are also fucking Massive as a result. which i learned from an ultrasound i had to get #so thats. neat? i guess?? #idk why im typing all this in the first place also. i just woke up and wanted to go get groceries (have been wanting to for a while) #and the act of Taking A Shower completely removed my ability to do that anytime soon. which is frustrating as hell #also wasnt great for my arms. cause ive got issues with Those too!! of course!!!! but thats a whole other thing #idk i want to be able to Function god dammit. i need to do things

[angel-hawthorne]

Even after reading all 29 chapters, this behemoth of an imp is still doing imp shit. I take it back. Imps don't deserve the disrespect. If JJK keeps up with his shenanigans, I hope something happens that this bitch loses his ability to fight...temporarily. Imagine having to wait on this fucker hand and foot until he's fully recovered. As a convalescent, gods, he'd be worse than before.

There's a significant chance he might not learn anything from his fuck-ups. Given his "relaxation is for the weak" mentality, the possibility of death by overwork/overexertion might also happen. The only way I'll EVER see him stop being a total dickmunch is if he suffers an NDE. Maybe there's a likelihood of a drastic event that affects Jake Jr, such as early ED. I try not to get my hopes up, but pleeeeaase let this new guy come crash and sink JJK's pride/ego like the Titanic. He's been getting away with too much shit.

P.S. What are the chances of either JJK or Dan catching an STI from all that raw-dogging?

#징크스 #jinx manhwa #joo jaekyung #yaoi #god fucking dammit someone do something #this bastard #IDC how pretty JJK is #IDC how just curbstomp this motherfucker #like pleeeeease

[oldtreeinanalley]

gender stuff woooo

#i actually drew something really similar a few months ago but idk it was different #wings grew out of my back and i feared them at firts but i came out with them to everyone i could just so i could soar throught skies like #was meant to and they all agreeded on it and said that was what im supposed to do but they held those things they held MY wings and i know #that they would be happier if my wings fell off but god fucking dammit i am done with sacrifing myself for the sake of others i will not ri #out my heart for the beat of it annoyys a starnger i will live and i will sky out of their hands i will destroy them and bite those hands o #and even if ill lose my wings ill do everything in my power to live #idk this makes no sense #my art

[end-of--the-line]

bought myself house of leaves as a late christmas gift and finished it last night at like 4am in a haze. oh my god .bro . holy shit

#voice of god #genuinely new favourite book #i was like damn this christmas sucks im going to do something nice for myself and get a book ive wanted since fucking my house.wad #which will fuck me up in an expected way and be cool right #it fucked me up in an unexpected way . #its very fucking good tho #i read parts of it on call which was funny because the commentary from the peanut gallery was mostly just ''uh oh'' or ''thats normal'' #but for the most part it was alone in my pitch black room which did not contribute to any sense of security #tldr book rules maybe dont read it if you have delusions about reality and getting hunted #which is a warning i did not follow myself whatsoever #anyway. what was i saying #good book would get lost in that house again . justice for tom navidson god dammit #i have more to say i just need to like stew in my thoughts. this post is inadequate

[essektheylyss]

Am I going to watch Succession for, primarily, fic research. Am I really going to do that. (The answer is yes.)

#to be clear I wanted to watch succession anyway. this is not just like. subjecting myself to something I don't wanna do. #also to be clear it's not really for plot it's for vibes #I am not writing a succession au idek what I would fucking write as that lmao #if someone can come up with a succession au for the critical role universe they are a more inventive writer than me. #tbh you could probably set up a succession crisis plot in the dynasty cuz the luxon knows they don't have that shit lined up #but also that's a different vibe than corporate bullshit. which. to be fair. so is this but it's at least more on the corporate side. #I'm just attempting to write an international trade war with a succession crisis as a d plot. normal fic things. #it's going to involve sooooo much research tho oh my fucking god kill me now #anyway I have a headache but I also have what is starting to look like an outline! #and before anyone asks. there will be wizard research. because I've got a brand to maintain here dammit. #also wait hold the fucking phone do I have hbo access via my phone plan now. what the fuck. #I'll have to look into this. much to think about.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i say goodbye to my boss tomorrow #not like officially officially bc im still employed into August so we have meetings #and hopefully we'll collaborate in future on projects and i have papers to write with her still #but like this is the last time ill physically see her bc shes not coming back until August and ill b gone by then #so its like. sad. bc shes my science mum. today she was complaining abt some stupid politics stuff #that went on this week in the department and she was like i kno i should b more professional but i feel like since ur leaving now #were more colleagues and friends. and im like 😭 god dammit ur gonna make me fucking cry #i came this this school to work with u and u were so great. i was so lucky to have ended up in her lab #bc i didnt kno wtf i was doing and shes not perfect but i learned a lot from her and ill b really sad to not b working with her so much #but thats how it goes. ill have to make her something cool as a parting gift #god. thatll b a fucking pain but she deserves something that takes a lot of effort #were meeting tomorrow to go over a protocol but im not sure if that's actually what were doing or if theres a surprise involved #bc she likes to do that and it stresses me the fuck out. she's been wanting to get me ice cream for the last 2 months so that might actually #b what's happening. or both could b happening. ugh. anyway. just me crying abt how im gonna miss my boss who im literally seeing tomorrow #im gonna have to giver her a painfully earnest letter abt how great she is and apologize for kinda having a breakdown #i mean i wasnt totally nonfunctional but like. it was not good and im sure i kinda sucked to b around #but whatever. god. the move it finally on the horizon. it finally feels like its getting real #unrelated

[phlebphlob]

'Reasonable Person': a rant.

#ok im gonna talk about the ceo situation going on #but my voice isn't an important one in this so im banishing it to the tags #so at my job theres a rule #its in the employee training and handbook #its about interpersonal situations and what management can do about them #and its all predicated on what a 'reasonable person' would believe. #like fully. the wording in the training is 'reasonable person'. #what this means is that when a manager picks favorites? impossible to prove. #if two people are having a spat and one is unfairly targeted while the other walks scot-free. it's attributed to 'reasonable person'. #like the one who got the punishment was the unreasonable one because that's what the manager decided. #i am very lucky in that i have people on the management team who are on my side in my transition- even though they dont gender me correctly #if i go to them with concerns they will make sure that i am treated fairly. #this is Not The Case Here. #the 'reasonable person' argument was JUST USED AS A CUDGEL AGAINST PREDSTROGEN #“death threats arent what a 'reasonable person' would make EVER. even IF theyve been pushed to the FUCKING BREAKING POINT.” is what pm says #hes hand-waving the very real issues because she did something he didn't like. he's unfairly targeting her. he's discriminating. #'reasonable person' means goddamned nothing if the guy making that call isn't reasonable. #i quietly do my part. i report content as i see it. glad to see that doesnt fucking matter #i knowwwww theres gotta be good people on staff. but god dammit. god fucking dammit. #... #so whats the plan matthew? #how are you going to stop harrassment? #how are you going to stop rapist pedophiles? #how are you going to make this space safe for transfems? #how are you going to make this space safe for ALL trans people? #how are you going to apologize for your dick-swinging? #fuck. idk. i hope there are consequences. #there wont be.

[welcometogrouchland]

Absolutely fascinating to be in the middle intersection of knowing that Thing is really popular, and that because Thing is popular there's a fair bit of vocal backlash to thing (because people are very mad Thing is popular when they don't like it) and you find yourself running through the unpleasant takes (not bad, just not what you're here for) from people who don't like Thing like snow white running through the scary fucked up forest until you finally find the fucking cottage where people who like Thing talk about Thing. Then you pass out in the cottage and when you wake up a bunch of small and opinionated creatures still carrying their burdens from the content mine arguing about Thing and also now your presence in relation to Thing bc you were clearly fleeing from the bad takes forest. This metaphor isn't what I wanted it to be but you get the idea

#ramblings of a lunatic #it's 20 to 1 in the am rn I am waiting for this stupid fucking DVD to encode #I've been doing this for 11 hours and 15 minutes according to the tracker and I'm. actually so close to the brink of eternal damnation #because of the fucking disk #anyway i. am not your dad and cannot tell you how to live your life but I do think that it's probably a tad impolite- #-to tag your dislike of Thing with nothing except the Thing tag. like no ''Thing critical'' no ''anti Thing'' #or anything else that's easy to censor and block #just putting it in the tag for people who like Thing #alright. that's a choice but alright #I'm very tired. #either someone needs to rock me to sleep like a baby or theh shoot me out back like a dog #hi sorry i took a break from making this to check on DVD and IT DIDN'T WORK!!!! I FUCKING ENCODED IT WRONG AND FOR WHAT #TO WAIT FOR ELEVEN HOURS NOT KNOWING I FUCKED UO #IT'S ONE AM #GOD FUCKING DAMMIT #fuck it. man. I'm finishing my big essay tomorrow anyway. I'm gonna fuckin. do that. and then I'm gonna burn these dvds #i only have about. 3 days to do em all (and i still need to get some. sweats) #but yknow what fuck it what else am I doing. who cares!!! #i was gonna type something mean here but i have to hope that my fuckups and failures will not be for nothing #god. anyway #night yall. happy last day of December

[pierswife]

Alright I am incredibly sleepy so I have less shame but still I need everyone to look away for like 5 seconds kay?

So I'm gonna replay Shield soon cause I do genuinely enjoy the game, but I got distracted and started going through my screenshots from the first time I played and just fucking melted when I got to my very healthy amount of Piers screenshots and clips. From him getting super into battling, to being the definition of chaotic good, the way he just always worries about Marnie, how he'd just kinda big brother Hop or the player just so naturally, lightly ribbing Hop, but also just being such a tired mom friend. I love how he tries to hold how happy he is back sometimes, but other times can't help but just have the biggest and happiest smile. Like idk why but just how varied he is like character wise, especially for a pokemon game, just makes me so happy? Like the dude just makes me smile whenever he's on screen like he's legitimately the best and dnhwjdjwhsowhshe AAAAAAAAAAAAA

#listen I just think he's neat and I like him a lot and whenever I think about him I just CANNOT stop smiling #he really just makes me so incredibly happy #I know I say that I'm the sunshine in the ship but god dammit maybe he can be like the sun for me sometimes as a treat #I should write a fic of seeing him smile like... genuinely... for the first time or at least doodle something for it #anyway I need to go to bed I am so fucking tired kfjwidjwiw #but please know that I do genuinely love him with all my heart #legit the fictional character that I would date irl if ever given the chance #data log: personal #punk king of spikemuth