#MY situation and the truth is no it obviously fucking doesn't. will someone say this to my brain please. it's hell in here

[megumisgirl]

megumi boyfriend headcanons!

— when you guys first started dating, he was no where near the touchy-feely boyfriend. all you got were hugs, kisses on the forehead and sometimes, if you were lucky long deep passionate kisses that came out of nowhere. all in private of course, megumi likes to keep things that is between you guys between you guys, he doesn't tell gojo, yuuji, nobara, anyone.

— when you guys had your first fight, he was super furstrated. screamed a bit and let his hidden anger issues show (you can thank toji for that). in the spur of the moment, out of furstration and pent up sexual-anger he ran his hands through his hair, making you flinch. he immidietly stopped talking and just left the room. the topic you guys were fighting about wasn't cleared up, you both were obviously angry, and now with this, you both were going to have a conversation that none of you wanted.

— the next few days of the fight, megumi would try to talk to you but you would give him the silent treatment. it was a no-win situation, if you tell him you flinched for nothing, he'd feel horrible to even make you think that he was capable of hitting you. if you told him the real reason, a dark looming thought in your mind told you that maybe he wouldn't accept you for who you are. maybe he would leave you. people started to notice that you and megumi weren't together as much.

"meeeegumiiii" gojo cooed, making megumi roll his eyes, "did you and y/n have a fight? you can tell me. im basically your second father. not that im gay. i mean i could be, but like the sex-" "no." megumi stopped gojo, putting his hand in front of him, "we're not in a fight. and its a disagreement. we'll be fine." he'd already said too much for someone who says nothing. but he had too much in his mind, so the words just spilled out.

— after the intial conversation, at first, megumi didn't know how to comprehend what you just said to him. he never had to comfort someone and he was never comforted either, so he based himself on your position and did everything right. my man. he was sweet, gentle, and never judged you.

— megumi got comfortable with affection about seven-nine months into the relationship only because you were so touchy, other wise would've taken four years or smth. and his level of affection is holding-hands in public, and holding your hands above your head in private, if you catch my meaning...

— when he met your parents, he was PROPERRR. mans was dressed in a fucking suit, styled his hair right instead of the spikey usual hair, and showed the barest amount of physical affection to assure your parents their daughter is in the right hands.

— but when you met his, it was CHAOS lmaooo. toji was showing you all the embarassing baby pictures of megumi on purpose to embarass him. his step-wise called him embarassing nicknames like bubbles or pineapples or something and you couldnt believe why megumi was the way he was when they were like this.

truth be told, megumi was made for you (and me).

NSFW cannons.

— i said this once and i'll say it again. MEGUMI IS A ROUGH DOM!!! man-handles you every chance he gets, whether it's spreading your legs apart so roughly that there are bruises on his hands on your thighs, or flipping you over to pound you from behind. he will do it all.

— favourite position, anything where he can see you. missionary, to some extent matting press? he loves to see you squeeze your eyes, arch your bag and whine inconsistent pleas. he loves to see the full of personality character that he's so into just dissappear as he pounds into you mercilessly. the perfect smart girl becoming a bimbo that he loves to use and fuck.

— has a thing for eye-contact. BEFORE U THROW TOMATOS AT ME... LISTEN OKAY..1!!1!! when you're giving head, he grips your jaw so he can see your eyes as he fucks your mouth, tears streaming down your face, getting mixed with the tastes of his arousal. when its you recieving, he is adamant about eye-contact.

he has been inbetween your leg for hours, absolutely devouring you while making you watch. your eyes are sore, your legs are sore, everything is sore. you cant move an inch without feeling sensitive and your entire body just shakes as he laughs at you, looking at you with his blue eyes. "look at me." he said, the vibrations from his throat hitting your soaked cunt as you whimpered, opening your eyes just enough for new tears to leave your face. making a thin smirk place on his lips. his tounge circled your bud, making you shut your eyes again. "eye-contact, or this stops."

— dirty talker. and not just any dirty talker, the sweet praise ones. "my little slut," "taking me so well, baby. you're such a whore, but.. you're my whore," FHBYIEDWUSOKPX

— ending on a positive note, he's good at aftercare, too. after an intense session, he will draw you a bath and just sit on the edge of the tub, drawing mindless circles on your arm as you rest in the warm bath. ocasionally stealing kisses from you as he watched you take a bath. he's just... perfect.

#here is where the fun begins #megumi smut #jjk smut #megumi fushiguro #megumi #megumi fushiguro smut #megumi jjk #megumi x reader #notsfw #jjk x reader

[stabortega]

NO SURPRISES — CHAPTER TWO

Summary: Having to deal with the aftermath of that situation was definitely worse then finding out the truth.

Pairing: Jenna Ortega x Fem!G!P!Reader

Warnings: NSFW. Implied fem reader, she/her pronouns used. Mentions of sex, dirty talking and sexting. Knife play. Mentions of kinks, nothing explicit. Top!Reader x Bottom!Jenna. MDNI.

Author's Note: Still think my writing is trash but you guys seem to like it. 💜

MASTERLIST.

"What the actual fuck?!" Jasmine almost yelled as Jenna shoved her inside one of the dressing rooms in the set, while she tried to shut the other actress up. "Thank god someone's paying that poor girl's college."

"This is not fucking funny, Jasmine. I shouldn't have told you." Jenna locked the door behind her, looking at her apprehensively. She made a terrible mistake by telling Jasmine what went on last night. "And now they expect me to work with her? After I-"

"Seen her dick? Oh god, what will be of you?" The black girl laughed, while sitting down on the couch. "Chill, alright? She probably doesn't even know you donated. I mean, what was your username?"

Jenna gulped. "I don't wanna say it."

"Come on, was it that obvious??" Jasmine rolled her eyes, waiting for an answer.

"It was my first name then the first four digits of my birthday."

"I cannot fucking believe you."

Living in New York wasn't easy. Every apartment was obnoxiously expensive, so you had to resort to leave the city and start living in Brooklyn. It was a nice neighborhood, the best you could afford if we're being completely honest. Moving to the big city was by far the best and the worst decision you've ever made. Other than starting college, obviously.

I mean, you loved every second of it, but it started to fuck your financial life right up the ass.

"You should create an Only Fans or something." You almost spit the whiskey shot you were drinking right back to your cup, looking at your friend as if she just told you that she had killed three men with a needle. "I'm serious, (Y/N). Do you know how much money you can get just by posting out some feet pics, or whatever?"

"I'm not gonna sell pictures of my feet for cash, Liana." She shook her head no while taking a sip of her Appletini.

"Then don't. Sell your dick pics, or livestream. Come on, I know how much you're struggling and you know you're putting that body to waste. What's the worse thing can happen?"

And she was right. You started out with just an account on that website, posting some pictures here and there; until one of your followers suggested livestreaming and said she would pay some good money just to watch you cum on your stomach (which obviously, she did). It happened so fast that, when you realized it, you were able to get yourself a better place right downtown, pay off your college debts and buy a professional video camera to shoot some amateur movies. And no, not the pornographic kind.

You wanted to be a director someday, but you were also really good with a camera; which is why you got the opportunity to work in the upcoming Scream movie as an assistant videographer (and because Liana put in a good word for you). It was your first real gig in your area of interest, you couldn't be more excited.

The first day was just like any other. You got to meet a few people and get a hold of the equipments you were going to use.

"Ay, (Y/N)! Come here for a sec!" Your boss, Dave, called your name while you were looking at one of the IMAX cameras, which you've never got the opportunity to film with. You realized he wanted to introduce you to some people, which he did. You just didn't expect it would be one of the protagonists (and the newest it actress of Hollywood). "It's a pleasure to meet you, Jenna."

You extended your hand for her to shake, which she did after looking at it for a couple of seconds, almost if she was analyzing you. "Nice to meet you too, (Y/N)."

And that was pretty much it, you guys didn't exchanged any other words besides that on that particular day. You even thought that she could be avoiding you, for whatever reason. All throughout the day, you felt her gaze on you multiple times, but everytime you looked at her, she just looked away.

"You're definitely not subtle." Jasmine whispered in Jenna's ear, while she watched you handle one of the camera films. "I'm pretty sure that she can physically feel your eyes on her butt as we speak."

"She's definitely gonna find out that I was on her stream last night." The Ortega took a deep breath, looking away when she realized you looked at her again.

"She's not, don't get paranoid. You have the most obvious and boring username ever? Yes. It would take just one Google search to figure out your identity? It would. But still!" Jenna got up from the chair she was sitting, realizing that all she wanted to do was to smoke this off.

"You're not helping, Jasmine." She took out her pack of Marlboro's and her lighter once she was outside. "I never even watched porn before, not even by myself."

"And now you donated $1500 to a complete stranger just so she could cum while moaning your name. That's a character development." Jasmine stood beside Jenna, who had just started smoking so she could even try to forget that she wanted to sit on her coworker's dick less than 24 hours ago.

"I'm never doing that again, Jasmine. It's inhumane and gross. It was the first and the last time."

jenna2709: thought about you a lot today.

"Oh, did you? Good to hear that." She locked the door behind her and sat on her bed. That was Jenna's, at least, 10th day of watching your streams nonstop. And she had just "caught" you in the beginning of your livestream (which meant that she had the notifications of your page on and was too much of a chicken to admit it). So that meant that you weren't even undressed yet, you were just rubbing your dick over your sweatpants and chatting a litte bit with your followers before you started your actual show. "What exactly were you thinking of, huh?"

jenna2709: of me sucking your cock under this table while you tell me how much of a good girl i am.

Jenna realized what she said after she already sent the message. Where did that came from? She thought while looking intensely at the livestream, hoping you would just stop with the teasing and take your cock out of your pants for her to see (and drool). "Oh baby, I'm sure you're very good with your mouth. Wanted to cum right on your throat and make you swallow every drop."

jenna2709: i would be honored to be your cum dump.

"Okay, I crossed the line." She took a deep breath, not even recognizing who was that person inside of her, the person that would say the most obscene and erotic shit that she ever heard. It was almost if something awakened inside of her everytime she saw you. Every couple of days, at exactly 10PM, she would lock herself in her hotel bedroom and fuck her pussy so deep until she passed out from having like, five orgasms. And that was the easy part, obviously. The hardest part was definitely waking up in the morning and having to look at you as if she didn't saw your dick inside of a fleshlight the night before.

Jenna grew up christian. In a american dream type of household. But getting in touch with Hollywood and all of the film industry made her get out of her bubble and quite literally, discover the world. She drank, she smoked, she went to 2AM parties at some A-List celebrity's house that she never even met before. But sex? Never sex. She met a few people here and there, but nothing further. It made her think about that, the fact that she couldn't even be interested enough in someone to actually have some sort of contact with them; but with you, she would stay all night thinking about you fucking her raw and senseless until she couldn't remember who she was.

"Stop teasing, Jenna. We both know you were born to be my cum dump, and mine only." You were so horny imagining having that stranger on her knees while she had her mouth open, waiting for you to dump your cum inside of her pretty little throat. You took your cock out of your pants, a little bit earlier than you've expected, but you were getting so worked up that you didn't even thought about your stream routine. You started to stroke the member gently, feeling your dick pulsate right on the palm of your hand. "I know that you're the only one who can take care of this right, don't you think?"

jenna2709: if you were mine, i would make you cum on my pussy everyday.

Jenna started to get scared. Who was this person that was hiding inside of her? Was she really like that? Is she the female version of Christian Grey and doesn't know it yet? How the fuck she got so horny all of a sudden?

She knew that the reason you were playing that little game with her was merely money. But there was a part of her, a tiny part that hoped that you felt attracted to her as much as she felt to you. Even if you'd never seen her face, or her body. It didn't mattered if she had just met you a couple of days ago; she wanted you to want her, the same way she wanted you.

"And if you were mine, I would carve my name on your belly so everyone would know who you belong to." Oh yes, the knife play.

Jenna wasn't naive or innocent, she knew about fetishes and BDSM practices; and thankfully there was the option of marking your kinks on your own profile when you created your account. The actress spent an embarrassing amount of time researching some of your kinks that were listed on your profile (there was so many things she didn't even knew existed, to be completely honest). And the thought of you doing all of those things with her got her aroused in a matter of seconds.

jenna2709: you could carve your name on my face, for all i care.

jenna2709: i would definitely want people to know that i'm yours.

The rest of the livestream went as usual, you doing all of the things that your subs asked you to, Jenna being awarded as the number 1 tipper for the 5th time in a row, nothing out of the ordinary. You were just about to cum for the second time when Jenna tipped you again with a request.

Wow! "jenna2709" donated $2000 with the message: i want you to cum for me, again.

"You know I never decline your requests, baby. But, let's be fair this time around?" You answered, a little bit breathless, masturbating your cock as hard as you could. "I'll give you a private livestream if you show me your face."

Oh, a private livestream?

Jenna had been following your for awhile now ever since her first time watching your stream. She knew that private livestreams weren't something you did. And yet, you were here, offering one for free, just to see Jenna's face in return. It was a really good offer, but Jenna couldn't accept. If you found out who she was, the shooting would be the most awkward work experience for both of them. It would be like, "Hey, (Y/N)? Can you get this camera ready for me? Also, I've already seen your dick and I'm having wet dreams with you fucking me like the slut I am." So, she took one last breath after she decided to stick with her original plan and decline.

jenna2709: it's a deal.

#scream #jenna ortega smut #jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega #wednesday #the fallout #you #scream movies #pwp

[xaphrin]

At Midnight, My Heart Drops

Fuck.

Raven stared into Damian's calm face, desperately trying to think of something to say - an excuse, a flippant comment - anything. But, no. She stood there, frozen on the spot watching the muscle in his jaw twitch as he waited for an answer for the most unnerving question he could have asked her. 

“I'm… sorry?” She feigned ignorance, trying to buy enough time to get her brain to process his request again. Her heart was pounding in her throat and he had to have heard it. “Can you ask me that one more time?”

“Be my date for the Wayne New Year's Eve party.” 

When he repeated it, it sounded less of a request and more of a demand. As though the inconvenience of repeating himself should have been repaid with a ‘yes’ answer regardless of what the question was. Cocky bastard. Raven fought the automatic urge to open a portal to anywhere and shove him in it. Taking a deep breath, she calmed her pounding heart and stared at him, keeping her face expressionless. Just because she was adept at controlling her emotions, it didn’t mean she didn’t have any.  

“What the fuck for? You’re the son of Bruce Wayne. You wake up and trip over people trying to get dates with you. You have a wellspring of viable candidates to choose from for a New Year’s Eve party.” She fought to keep her panic under control, and continued to stare at him, hoping she looked calmer than she felt. “Please don't ask the girl who doesn't know the difference between an oyster fork and an olive fork.”

“Or a dessert fork.” He smirked as he reminded her of the celebratory dinner party the Mayor had in their honor last year, and the horror of some societal elites as Raven ate her salad with a dessert fork. The scandal.

Raven's face fell and she gave him a deadpan stare, but Damian was unaffected. Finally, he sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “The truth is that I need someone I trust to run interference.”

She crossed her arms over her chest and lifted an eyebrow, motioning for him to elaborate. 

“There are… girls. Women.” He shrugged. “Some men.”

“Yes. That's usually who make up populations of people. Your point?”

“I'm a rich, educated, eligible bachelor.” He groaned and stared up at the ceiling, as if he was ashamed to be direct. “Of marrying age.”

“You forgot good looking.”

Why in the fuck had she admitted that out loud? Raven bit the inside of her cheek to keep from looking embarrassed, but Damian stared at her, and she swore she saw his face flush at least a little. She shrugged, trying to be as objective as possible. “I'm not blind, Damian.” She managed to keep herself from blurting out the rest of that statement: you're drop dead gorgeous and totally stacked - of course people are going to try and at least bang you.

“So what… you want me to lurk in the shadows and scare off anyone you don't approve of? Is there someone specific you're trying to… date? Court?” She rubbed her thumb along her jaw, thinking. “What do rich people from the Hamptons call it? Woo?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned. “Is there a reason you're being so blithe about this?”

“You just asked me to be your pretend girlfriend so that you can avoid talking to people who might want to date you.” She shoved at her hair and crossed her arms over her chest, needing to do something with her hands. “That’s a setup for a bad romance movie.”

He sighed again, obviously frustrated that Raven wasn’t taking his request seriously. Raven couldn’t take his request seriously. The minute she stopped trying to treat his request like a joke, her heart would break into a hundred pieces. She had been harboring feelings for Damian for years, practically since they had been pulled onto the Titans team together. She could keep her feelings under control as long as she kept a heavy barrier of friendship and distance between them. 

But knowingly putting herself into a situation where she had to be a girlfriend - even a pretend one - would force all of those feelings front and center. It would leave an opening for her to confess those feelings, and she would admit to him (and probably all of his family too) that she loved him. If Raven was being honest with herself, she didn’t want to be hurt when Damian ultimately rejected her confession.

She could see the whole scene play out over and over in her mind, and the risk felt far too great. 

“You’re the only one I want to be my date for the party.”

Raven felt like the floor underneath her had just disappeared. Her heart fell into her stomach before leaping back into her chest to pound frantically against her ribs. Damian’s face was unreadable, and he stared at her, his eyes searching her face for something he could read. 

Raven panicked again, trying to find something she could say that would keep her in control. “Is it because you trust me to not fall in love with you?” Because too late, she added within her own thoughts. 

“Because you’re my friend and I trust you. Full stop.” 

The excitement of his words mingled with the pain of the word friend, leaving Raven to feel both elated and disappointed at the same time. But, that was what she wanted, wasn’t it? She would rather be safe behind her barrier of friendship, then put herself at risk of a broken heart. But still… if he only considered her a friend, then there was nothing she needed to worry about. She could do this for him, as a friend.  

Rubbing her forehead, she turned and stepped back from him, knowing that her next words were going to be her downfall. 

“Just tell me when I have to meet you, and what the hell I should wear.”

#damirae #NYE fic #I don't know if I can get this all out today or tomorrow #so I thought I would at least share when I have #just so you can see a little

[libby-for-life]

Lilith coming back to hell, to see Lucifer moved on and it's with Adam

Tender Sex; Lucifer reassuring Adam that he won't leave him to go back to Lilith(also queen of hell adam)

Oof. For this to work, I would need it to be with Sinner!Adam under contract with Lucifer. Hope that's okay.

Adam watched everything in a blur. She walked into the hotel with grace and fire. She looked just as beautiful as ever. Her long blonde hair, purple eyes, and elegant smile completed her look.

Lilith, the first woman, the first queen of Hell, had returned. And she was in the Hazbin Hotel. Adam felt numb as Charlie hugged her mother hard and how Lucifer asked how she was.

Adam rubbed the ring on his finger. He shouldn't be this fucking worried. He was Adam for God's sake! Not only that but the Queen of Hell. A year he had been proposed to by his partner Lucifer. He almost said no. With two failed marriages, it was hard to not think of the cons of what could happen.

But Lucifer looked so fucking earnest that he couldn't help but say yes. Fast forward to the present. Adam had thought that he had gotten over his insecurities of being abandoned after being with someone as attentive and loving as Lucifer. 'Obviously not.' Adam thought as he saw Lilith place a manicured hand on Lucifer's shoulder.

He tried to fight the urge to yell at the bitch for touching his partner. Adam did perk up when Lucifer beckoned him over.

"Lilith." He managed to say out as he stood next to Lucifer. He brought an arm around his partner and pulled him closer. Adam watched as Lilith's eyes narrowed ever so slightly as she looked at him.

Could she see it now? Did she see everything she left for a place in Heaven? A petty place in Adam's heart hoped she was jealous about the whole situation.

"Adam." She said in her usual cool and condensing voice. It took everything in Adam not to snap at her. He guessed those anger management lessons Charlie had been forcing him into had actually been helping. Not that he would ever admit it.

"I could really go for a drink," Lilith said as she walked over to a free couch. Adam could already tell this was going to be a long night.

Adam clutched the sides of the bathroom sink. His mind was spiraling with everything that had just been said not just an hour ago.

'Do you really think you're the Queen of Hell?'

'You know he's only fucking you because you're easy, right?'

'He only gave you the title Queen because it feeds into your delusions. You're a toy. Something to be used and thrown away. He'll grow bored eventually. I did.'

'A Queen certainly doesn't look like you. My, you've really let yourself go.'

Adam felt like he was going to throw up. He knew Lilith would try to get into his head but he didn't think it would be so soon. He bit his lip so hard he felt blood drip down his chin.

All of the insecurities that he'd been battling for years came bubbling to the surface. What did Lucifer even see in something like him? A Queen didn't look like a pig. A Queen wasn't so ugly. Is this what Lucifer saw in him? A toy? A novelty only to be discarded when something better comes along?

A knock on the door and a familiar voice called out to him.

"Adam? Sweetheart, is everything okay?"

Damn it all to Hell! That was Lucifer!

"Um, I'm good!" He said and Adam winced when he heard how wobbly his voice sounded. Apparently, so did the King of Hell because he portaled into the bathroom causing Adam to yelp.

"What the fuck, Lucifer?! I said I was fine!" Lucifer raised an eyebrow. "Clearly not. Can you tell me what's wrong?"

Adam refused to look at him. "I'm good. I'll be in bed in a moment."

"Adam, pet, I don't like when you lie to me. Tell me the truth." Adam felt himself lose control and everything came tumbling out about Lilith.

He was prepared for the backlash. That Lucifer was going to defend his ex-wife and that he better behave for her instead of causing fights and lying about it.

Instead, he felt strong hands cup his cheeks and this caused Adam to look at his partner. Lucifer had a kind but sad look on his face. "Oh, Adam. Why didn't you come to me sooner?" He took a hand away from his face and grabbed a fistful of brown hair. He yanked causing a moan to bubble up.

"Now, I need you to know that I would never go back to my ex. She's my ex for a reason. And I will be talking with her about everything." His eyes flashed red for a moment before it turned back to normal.

"Hm. I see you're still doubting me. Well, that just won't do." Lucifer said before scooping him up bridal-style. Adam let a squeak, a manly one, and struggled for a moment.

Adam shook his head, tears threatening to fall. He didn't want to cry. He didn't want to cry.

"Hush, now my pet. Daddy's got you."

Adam was soon lying in their large bed. Lucifer was straddling his waist with a gentle smile. "I love every inch of you." He began and Adam shivered as he trailed his fingers down his shirt. "You're beautiful, Adam. Don't let anyone tell you differently."

A hand slipped under his shirt and caressed a love handle. "This is mine. Don't you trust Daddy's judgment?" Another hand slipped inside Adam's shirt and gently squeezed his chest. The sinner was now squirming under Lucifer, his face felt warm and Adam knew he was blushing.

"This is also mine." A finger pinched his right nipple. "Mine because I would never give you up. Mine because I would fight Heaven and Hell for you." A cruel twist had Adam moaning and panting. Lucifer's hands left his body and Adam felt them take his shirt off. "Isn't that a pretty sight?"

Adam tried to cover his body, but Lucifer just pinned his wrists with one hand. "Don't hide yourself from Daddy, pet." The sheep demon nodded hurriedly. Using his free hand, he dragged his hand down to the waistband of his pants and tugged gently.

"Can I take this off?" Adam nodded with a whimper.

Lucifer gently removed his clothes and smiled at his naked partner. He really was beautiful, soft in all the best ways.

He fondled his pet's balls and watched as Adam fell apart. He was so sensitive. It didn't take long for Lucifer to start preparing him with lube. Adam moaned high and needy even though the King of Hell knew his pet would never admit it.

He had three fingers in, stretching and rubbing Adam in all of his special places. "Daddy! I'm going to cum!" Adam wailed and Lucifer took out his fingers quickly. His pet whimpered and begged for more but he was firm.

"You gotta let Daddy in first, pet." And then he slowly entered into his hole. Adam was still tight after all these years. Lucifer was gentle as he slowly thrusted in. He would make this loving and gentle for his pet. Then he wouldn't have any more doubts about Lucifer's love. He gave praise and encouragement as he made love to Adam.

He could feel himself getting ready to climax and Adam moaned higher and needier to indicate he was close as well.

"Cum for Daddy, pet. My good pet." They both climaxed at the same time, breathing heavily. They both snuggled into each other's embrace. As soon as Adam was asleep, Lucifer felt their earlier conversation repeat in his head.

Why would Lilith do that? What was her goal in upsetting Adam this badly? He knew they had bad blood, but this was on another level. Lucifer felt his eyes turn red again. She wouldn't be doing that again. He would make sure of that. There was a new ruler of Hell and it wasn't Lilith.

Hopefully, that was good!

#adamsapple #hazbin hotel adam #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin hotel #lilith #oneshot #send asks #lemon #smut #gentle domination #daddy k!nk

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for changing my (30 FtM) name?

I was born with a very angrogynous/masculine name. For the sake of this post we'll say it's Alex Andrew Lastname. I was bullied for it growing up and can often see on people's faces that they were expecting someone different when they see my name first. I never liked my name growing up because I didn't think I fit the vibe. I'm just not an "Alex". But honestly, if I ever fully pass, that could change.

I recognize I've hit the trans guy jackpot. I've seen quite a few trans men change their names to my birth name, first and middle. Logically, I'd never have to change it for safety or validation reasons.

I've been using a different name for years now. My partner of 10 years doesn't know me by another name and cringes when we have to use Alex for legal paperwork. This name has been public knowledge to everyone including my family for about 8 years. We'll say this new name is "Elijah" (it is not)

The problem arises when I bring up my final legal name choice to my mom.

"Why that? I would have never named you that. I don't think it suits you." I double down and explain I like the name and don't mind the religious connotation (we went to church but she's always appropriated eastern religions, I am not religious) Additionally, SHE should have been using it all this time, even when I'm not there. She complains. "Can't I still call you Alex? I mean, I gave birth to you, I should still be able to call you Alex. I gave you that name because it was androgynous and cool, why do you want to change it?" I tell her again, no. If she's the only person deadnaming me, other people will feel they have the right to. "Can I call you Al?" No, sorry. "Can I call you Andrew? I named you after your uncle, he didn't do anything wrong."

Because she's pushing back so much, I tell her the truth. Growing up, she was abusive and negligent. When she did use my name, she said it like she hated me. When I was in trouble, when she was disagreeing with me, when she bullied me. She didn't really say my name in rare situations where she was proud because she was jealous and focused on making sure everyone knew I was cool and "unique" because I was "her kid". Because of it, I cringe when I hear my birth name. It's a strong name, a good name, even, but it makes me feel small and tired. I told her I was proud of her going to therapy, that we could start over, but that I'm asking to be respected as a person.

Shortly after I was born, she asked my grandma to draw up a tattoo of my deadname. It's a large, dark piece on her entire lower back. I told her I don't expect her to cover it, that she can keep it and mourn the name however she feels, but I'd like to get a matching, small tattoo with her to celebrate my new name if she's interested. She didn't really respond. She finally said she still doesn't like the name Elijah, but asked if she could call me Eli (yeah, obviously)

Despite all of this reaching some sort of compromise, I've heard I've made a bad decision from both sides. Some think I was too gentle and understanding and should have essentially said "fuck you this is my name take it or leave it". Others think I should have kept my deadname because there was nothing wrong with it, I'm being too emotional about it, or that I'm choosing to inconvenience others by changing things age 30. There's also the idea that no one really likes their name so it's not a great reason to change it.

AITA for having no real reason to change my name and doing so anyway?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[txttletale]

having thoughts about your point that players/the gm shouldn’t have to design anything for a good ttrpg and wondering if i’m thinking of the gm’s role using inaccurate terms. what would you call the gm’s responses to uncertain mechanical situations in a given game (e.g. a mixed success in pbta - the onus is on the gm to come up with what that means, following some guidance from the rules.)

it seems like something that people find comforting about d&d is that even though the rules are overly complex (and often confusing), many of the common mechanics have clearcut (and boring) outcomes (such as save or suck, hit or miss, etc), meaning the gm doesn’t have to produce/interpret a result themselves. is the other approach (i.e. rules-light) putting more “design” weight on the gm? or is that thinking of it too formally?

otherwise, good design being the gm’s responsibility seems like it just falls under the umbrella of playing in good faith - whatever the situation, it’s bad faith to create untenable/insoluble scenarios that the players can’t meaningfully navigate

yeah, i mean--PBtA games have a list of GM moves, right? when a player has a mixed success, usually that means they succeed and the GM makes a GM move. and obviously those moves have choices and stuff the GM needs to come up with -- something like Monster of the Week's "Put someone in trouble" or "Separate them" definitely require the GM to think of how that works in the fiction -- but that isn't game design, right? the mechanical aspect of that has been handled by the game's rules text. so i think that if there's more weight on the GM i think it's strictly creative weight rather than design weight, unlike the 5e GM who is forced to mechanize anything they might want to make up and is often left without any mechanical guidance

and i mean, i think in general 5e (and dnd more broadly) give the GM absolutely fucking nothing to work with. there are literally no GM-facing mechanical levels other than enemy statblocks (which also, unlike something like Lancer or even fucking 4th Edition, come with no guidance on how to use them or how to assemble combat encounters with them). it's much, much easier to GM a game with GM moves, because then you have an actual set of mechanical levers available to you--and of course, like the aforementioned "Separate them", these levers automatically lend themselves to telling the sort of stories the game advertise for their genre. here's some GM moves from other PBtA systems that, just by seeing them as a mechanical lever, can push the story into the genre and tone directions the game wants to emulate:

Put innocents in danger (Masks, teenage superhero drama)

Reveal an unwelcome truth (Fellowship, high fantasy adventure)

Make honour and shame real (Sagas of the Icelanders, saga-era viking drama)

Bring their gender into it (Night Witches, Soviet airwomen war story)

Make them teach a class (Pigsmoke, magic-school cutthroat academia)

and one of the absolute best things about GM moves (and similar mechanics, like BitD's consequences, or BOB's setting sheet moves) is that because they are clearly delineated and restricted, there's no self-policing. because a dnd 5th edition DM can, rules as written, say at any point "100 ogres appear and beat you to death", they always have to be navigating a series of unspoken social contracts, creating threats but never threats which can win, introducing problems and consequences at a rate that keeps stakes up but is also fundamentally winnable, make everythign feel 'fair'. and dnd players have learned to accept this all as just the table stakes of a GM role, but it doesn't have to be. because all that is game design, and in a better game, that design is taken care of. GM moves say 'look, we've already thought about pacing and fairness, here's the levers we've pre-designed for you to pull, go nuts and tell a story with them'.

so in my opinion PBtA mixed successes represent a lot less onus on the GM to design the game for the designers than anything that happens in 5th edition outside of individual clearly resolvable combat actions--and it's one of the reasons i started having much more fun with TTRPGs once i stopped GMing 5e and realized that other games gave me actual tools and support to work with instead of expecting me to do all that bull shit

#ask #ttrpg

[lady-byleth]

YTTD does something really really interesting with the Sara/Keiji dynamic that I absolutely adore: namely that whenever it - or specifically Keiji's side in it - is questioned, the game itself provides the answers without directly stating them

In chapter 1 we all sat there like "why is this whole ass adult who is 10 years older than Sara and, allegedly, a fucking COP, putting this literal 17 year old wannabe samurai in charge of their survival?"

Chapter 2 reveals he can literally see what's going on inside a person at as little as a glance, an ability he inadvertently teaches Sara to emulate. So obviously he'd put the person with the coolest head in charge, even if it's a high school student, cuz he doesn't trust himself for shit. At first it's, as Kai says, cuz she and Joe can vouch for each other but once he gets to know and can start to read her? She's the boss now.

Does he actually trust her or is he just using her? Chapter 2 comes in with the steel chair of "oh he doesn't trust her cuz he doesn't trust himself, but he WANTS to trust her and he genuinely cares for her. Look how he tries to keep her hallucinations in check cuz he understands this situation, look how he opens up to her after realising he hurt her, look how he is literally putting his life in her hands by giving her the Keymaster". Like, yeah, he's not someone who can trust easily, and he definitely started this game using her, but he's clearly making an effort when he doesn't have to and the game doesn't need to spell it out to make it obvious.

The plan didn't require for Sara to have the Keymaster, they just have to know where it is, but he hands it to Sara. "This is my life, please take good care of it". Especially poignant after Sara told him that getting someone to trust you requires trusting them first. He hurt her by showing he doesn't trust her but she's made it clear she does trust him and now he wants to earn that trust by giving her his own, no matter how hard that is for him.

Why does he still constantly lie to her? Cuz Sara can't lie for shit, he says so himself, the game shows it constantly. "Do you have the sacrifice?" "*most obvious reaction on the fucking planet*" She literally can't lie if her life depends on it so he does it for her. She can't lie about something she doesn't know the truth of and he's very good at lying.

Oh no, there's ONE human from Asunaro in the group?! The thing they've been afraid of since the first floor has been confirmed on floors 4 and 5?! It can't be Kai anymore, he's dead. It can't be Q-taro, he's way too open about his orphanage being managed by Asunaro. Reko or Alice? Yeah, unlikely. Gin or Kanna/Sou? Yeah, get real. That leaves Keiji, right? WRONG. It's Hinako, and cuz Floor Masters can't lie, there is now NO humans from Asunaro within the group.

Does he actually care about her or just her ability to save them? Well, first off, during the Sub-Game, if you loose Spirit Shutter with him he tries to get the dolls to kill him first. Then during the doll house he risks his and Q-taro's plan for the Banquet two times for Sara and chooses death for her.

After Ranmaru's fake announcement he abandons all stealth to make sure she's safe and his freak out over her falling unconscious was not faked. And then during the Banquet he risks exposing himself by trying to reassure her over the radio. Both of these are profoundly idiotic things to do if his main goal was to keep as many alive as possible. It's not tho, he's out to protect Sara above all and what happens to him in that doesn't matter.

Not to mention that Ranmaru accusing him of being the reason Sara is there in the first place is the one time he completely drops the blasé act cuz doing something to hurt Sara is something he just can't see himself do.

And full disclosure, I doubt he is even cognizant that he's slipped into this. He saw her cry once and then all bets were off, big brother/dad mode engage, all hands on deck, baby girl must be protected at a costs.

Hell, he would rather die by extremely painful execution than let Sara live with the guilt of killing Gin for him. And, being the Curious Cat that I am, I have tried to do just that to see what happens. The answer is, nothing happens. You can try multiple times and Keiji will stop Sara from going through with it every single time. At that point he has no idea he's actually safe because Q-taro's in his coffin, but he calmly tells Sara that it's okay. He literally chooses death to keep her hands clean.

And that the most manipulative members of the cast make it a point to mention again and again how precious Sara is to him, and that it's also mentioned multiple times that he's the one Sara trusts the most is another can of worms all together.

The only times Midori's manipulations of Sara actually affect her enough to waver are because he threatens Keiji to get to her and if no one had interfered - Ranmaru first and Keiji the last time - it would have ended badly for her in more ways than one.

It just gets me that despite everything, the trust issues and lies and fear, Sara and Keiji are a package deal now, basically were a package deal the moment they met

And I absolutely adore them

Thank you for coming to my tedtalk

#Shinogi Keiji #Chidouin Sara #kimi ga shine #your turn to die #your turn to die spoilers #Kimi ga shine spoilers #keiji shinogi #sara chidouin

[trilliastra]

so obviously I previously wished some violent things on Boston and I don't regret it at all because he deserved it, but he deserved it for being a horrible, totally shit friend (though they're all horrible friends) NOT for having sex with multiple random people, because that's totally fine and he should do whatever he wants and his friends are terrible for the superiority complexes they wield over him. anyway point is now I want worse things to happen to Atom, what an absolute toe of a human.

ok, this is gonna be long but i have much to say about boston.

i might be the worst person in this fandom but i have loved him from the get-go. i have countless theories about his past and why he acts like this and could justify his actions (none that could be confirmed by canon so it's just in my head), but the truth is- he's more appealing as a character to me than mew ever was. do i approve of what he did? no, but i also didn't actually enjoy the entire concept of waiting for the right person/boyfriend to lose his virginity that mew has.

and so we get to this last episode where we see the root of the situation: boston is constantly seen as nasty because he enjoys sex. with different people.

he manipulated top? perhaps, (and it could be argued that he too thought mew was an hypocrite for kissing ray/leading him on) but everything else, every other sex partner, every guy he took pictures of- completely consensual, honest, straight-forward (he has an entire locked safe to store the pictures? they are artistic portraits? i love it).

he didn't promise love and even when nick asked for it, he never said they are exclusive, that they are boyfriends.

boston was basically slutshamed since the beginning, just because he's open about his sex life, while mew was seen as perfect (by cheum and co.) because of his thoughts on virginity.

atom can go die for insinuating boston forced himself on him, but the truth is- the gang never liked him, never approved of him, perhaps even thought he was a predator because he's had countless sex partners. here we see, mew describes him not as a player but a hunter. on the first episode.

and here i'm gonna elaborate on a personal theory connected to nick's words

like a kid wanting attention, boston is trying to be seen, he fucked top for validation, to have someone say he's better than someone at something, to have someone choose him because sex is something he knows he's good at.

he just doesn't know what to do, what kind of person he should be. if being himself-someone who likes sex, with different guys-is not enough, then who?

(takes off my boston apologist hat. bye)

#queenhippolyta #ask #ofts #only friends the series #only friends meta #as you can see all i needed was a excuse to rant about boston #i will walk myself out now

[nanasalt]

Hi, I'm genuinely curious why you have called Elsa "abusive sister"? What's your, as an Anna lover, main take on Elsa?

Context for my comment.

Realizing on a reread that you asked for an Elsa analysis and I kinda made it an Anna one. They're entwined, though -- it's hard to talk about one without the other, especially when the first question is why call Elsa abusive? The short answer is I was being very reductive in that post for the sake of brevity. The tag directly after is me saying in a quick, off-the-cuff way that Elsa's not wrong:

#see: Anna of Arendelle #suffering is good! #filial loyalty should trump logic! #dying for your abusive sister is good! #Elsa obviously has her own issues but from Anna’s pov?

Believe me when I say that I can go full Elsa apologist very easily. Send a second ask if you want to see that, actually, I do have a lot of Elsa Thoughts. The thing is, there's a ton of Elsa fans out there and Anna tends to get the short end of the stick, despite being - in my opinion - the better sister, and not for nothing, but I think Elsa would agree that Anna is a better sister.

The tragedy of Frozen is that Elsa isn't wrong to isolate herself and try to keep Anna safe, and Anna isn't wrong to sense her sister still wants to connect and try to make it happen. That's what makes it tragic. Anna's desperate attempt to reconnect at the party is what makes Elsa balk, and Elsa balking is what pushes Anna away into the arms of someone who isn't afraid to tell her she's wanted. (Of course, Hans isn't afraid because wanting her won't kill her the way Elsa is pretty sure wanting a sister will.) Anna coming back from a whirlwind of having fun - having a friend - for the first time in years and telling Elsa she wants to get married freaks Elsa out, because Elsa's about to lose her sister to some stranger! Elsa tries to get the situation under control the only way she knows, which is to get away from everyone and self-soothe, but Anna is fed up and presses the argument then and there, which sets Elsa off and reveals the depths of Elsa's problems.

But critically, Anna's not wrong, and she's not stupid.

A major theme of Anna's character is that nothing is explained to her, and she is mistreated as a result. We, the audience, understand why Elsa locks herself away. We, the audience, skip over literal years of isolation for Anna in a three-minute song. We, the audience, see Elsa's anxiety when alone or with her parents. Anna, on the other hand ... to pull from the musical, which I admittedly like more than the film:

ANNA: ... Truth is, I never knew why my parents ordered the gates shut, why the celebrations ended, or why Elsa stopped talking to me. All I ever knew was, I missed my sister. I spent years trying to figure out what I did. I begged to know, to understand, but all my parents would say is, it’s for the best.

Anna blames herself for the fact Elsa locked herself away, and Elsa does not, as far as we see in the story, disabuse Anna of that notion. Sure, you can argue it happens offscreen somewhere after the show, and I'd agree that the arc of Frozen means the girls are going to sit down and realize their parents kinda sucked and gave them both trauma, but that happens after. (Frozen 2 doesn't exist in my head. I don't hold with anything that doesn't admit their parents fucked up big time. The best you can say is they tried to help their daughter, and that is tragic too, that nobody was able to help them do it.)

From Elsa's point of view, she ran away and Anna followed - against Elsa's advice and orders. Elsa felt confident enough to let her sister in and talk about things -- and Elsa couldn't handle it. She shot Anna in the heart as a result, putting them exactly back where they were when they were kids and Elsa was the biggest danger to her sister. Elsa was right to be afraid of intimacy, she was right to protect Anna from herself. The biggest danger to Anna was always Elsa.

This verges into Hans apologism, but we're focused on the girls so stick with me: Elsa literally kills Anna in the story. Hans is a big asshole about this little, "If only there was someone out there who loved you," speech, but he didn't kill Anna. Elsa did. If Elsa hadn't shot Anna in the heart, Anna would not be dying now. If Hans was going to kill Anna, that would've been the place -- and instead he leaves her to die of the wound her sister gave her.

So how does Anna feel in that moment? Narratively, we focus on the fact Hans has been the biggest dick lately, so she's heartbroken by that, but I'd posit she's been let down by the two people she thought might want her: Elsa and Hans. At this point Anna was probably thinking she could get cured and maybe that she and Hans would fix this together.

Instead, her unending faith in her sister should have brought her to this conclusion: Elsa killed her, Hans refused to save her, and they've both abandoned her for dead. In the film, Elsa - by proxy - throws Anna off a cliff right after shooting her in the heart. She could not be more clear about locking Anna out. Hans locked her in, but all to the same effect: Elsa's curse is going to kill her.

Does it really matter why Elsa cursed her?

When I say Elsa is an abusive sister, I mean that from Anna's point of view, Elsa lashes out and hurts Anna because of her own pain. We, the audience, have the benefit of knowing why - but we, the audience, also aren't feeling our fingers freeze solid as our jaw locks up with ice, so maybe we're not getting the full effect there.

Frozen's magic system is simple: magic and emotion are the same thing. (Frozen 2 do not interact.) Elsa's powers are driven by emotion, and they can be driven to great heights or great lows. The tragedy is that she doesn't learn to channel positive emotions, so she only knows fear and anxiety, which spiral out of control as those emotions always do. That fear isn't irrational - she's afraid for her sister, she's afraid for her country, she's afraid to let people down - but it is damaging and uncontrollable.

It literally kills her sister.

Anna dies, not because she threw herself under the sword and got diced, but because she turns to ice. She dies because of Elsa's curse, which ironically saves her from being killed in a bloody way. In that moment, Elsa sees her worst fears come true: she killed her sister. In the musical, she sings:

Anna? Anna - no! This is what I feared, this is why I shut you out so long ago. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry ... Look at what I've done to you.

As she realizes this, the magic begins to undo itself, not because Elsa realized the depth of her fuck up but because Anna committed an act of true love. Anna is brought back to life miraculously by her own self-sacrifice because it was pure and selfless. Which is why my final tags were:

#the narrative posits that [Anna's] suffering was good #actually. #and wanting things for herself was Bad actually

Wanting Hans, the seeming first person to value her, was wrong. Throwing herself under the sword for the sister who ignored her until she murdered her was good. In a meta sense, Anna wanting something for herself was wrong, and being blindly loyal was good. She is literally rewarded by being brought back from the dead to be a continuing loyal companion to the woman who shot her in the heart.

At the end of the day, the fact Elsa feels terrible about this both makes no difference and makes all the difference in the world. Elsa has been awful to Anna, and her being able to recognize that is what makes their relationship so compelling. The fact Elsa is also abused is important; she was locked away from society just as much! While Anna was so neglected by their parents that she spoke to paintings, Elsa was being told to just get better, keep it inside and don't freak out. Like many abused people, when Elsa grows up, she doesn't know how to form a healthy relationship at first. Her first fumbling steps end in disaster, and as musical Elsa begs:

This is all so brand new Let me first learn to crawl Before I try to walk

On one hand, that doesn't matter, because Elsa did abuse Anna for a period of time, via neglect and outright harm, up to and including murder. On the other hand, it matters more than anything, because Elsa chooses love, chooses to reconnect, finds true regret and wants to be better. Anna forgives her, because she loves her.

It's what makes the bones of this story so tragic and compelling. The love is real and the hurt is real. The difference is that both sisters choose to move past it, and I can see there being a good ending where they repair their sisterly relationship.

But for the duration of the story, and the near-decade before? Anna was abused by everyone in her family, and Elsa has to take responsibility for that before they can begin to heal.

#Kat Answers #Anonymous #Frozen #x: meta #this is a lot of words I hope it explained something #and feel free to ask more! #I have a lot of thoughts about Frozen and how it's about love #And semi-metaphorical doors but only because they're barriers to Love.

[boliv-jenta]

Lucien Flores (that's just his name now)x f!reader.

Part of the Exposed Masterlist

Warnings: talk of anxiety, descriptions of an anxiety attack, sexting, mutual masturbation, erectile dysfunction.

Summary: Things between you and Lucien progress but not to the point he was hoping for.

WC:3.2k

Cat-us Interruptus

Good Morning. 

The little green line steadily blinking after the words held him in a trance as he rethought sending a message. Would he come off as desperate? After last night he felt like he should say something. He didn't want you to get the impression that this new thing was just about sex for him. For the first time in a very long time he felt a connection to someone. Truth be told he hadn't felt this rush since his first love in high-school. They were together until his mid-twenties, after that he hadn't found that same feeling with anyone. Now you're here and everything feels easy and natural when you are around. Even when he's overthinking. He gets a sense of calm from you. From that spark that lights up the room. It burns through his insecurities. We'll, not all of them obviously or he wouldn't have typed and deleted the same two words over and over in the last five minutes.

A message appeared in the chat below his unsent one.

Good Morning.😁

Shit. Now he had to reply. The message will show as read. While he mildly panicked, another message came through. 

I saw you were typing for quite a while. I figured you were typing and deleting like I was. Then I remembered how comfortable I feel with you and hit send.

Fuck. He liked you. Lucien had always felt like two people. He could be bold and confident in his work and in certain social situations, but when it came to anything too personal or close to home, he was a neurotic mess. You had bridged that gap between those people. Not by blurring the lines between business and pleasure. There was something about you that relaxed him enough to merge those two halves.

Yeah I was. I like you. I don't want you to think I'm just interested in sex or to further my work. I wanted to say good morning but I didn't want to come off as desperate or needy.

Thank you for being honest. Next time just tell me that. I'm a chronic over-explainer. I need to feel that people understand me. Not so much with you because you make me feel safe. Which is stupid because we've known each other for like a week but it's true. 

He felt that. It was so weird how strongly he felt for a relative stranger.

Same. I feel safe with you. I enjoy your company. Maybe after the project we can go on a date?

After he sent it, he regretted it. What if he just blew his art project as well as his shot with you?

Why wait? It's just sex that's off the table. It doesn't mean we can't go on a date, does it?

Just tell me. She seems to like honesty in all its forms.

No, it doesn't, but spending more time with you will make the whole thing more difficult. 

Yeah. I get that. Sex is off the table. How about a little mutual masturbation to take the edge off?

Lucien's cock stirred under his sheets. He needed to breathe. To be honest.

When you get here? That could affect the energy for the shoot.

I was thinking more now? Do you have time?

I do. Just give me one minute.

Lucien flew from his bed. Almost tripping on his sheets. He opened his studio window, put food out for Claude's return, washed his hands, and dove back into bed in some sort of record time.

I'm back.

Good. I may have started without you.

I'm sorry I missed that. What are you doing?

I took off my clothes and started playing with my tits. I've really missed someone paying them attention.

I would pay them so much attention. I already do when you're not looking. Sorry.😝

Naughty boy! I've totally seen you.😆 You're not that slick. I appreciate you trying, though. 

I was already asking to take pictures of you masturbating. I didn't want to seem like a total creep.

Good call. Are you touching yourself?

Yes. I'm just coating myself in lube.

So you're nice and hard for me? I felt you the other day. How hard and big you were. I kept thinking about it.

So hard for you. I keep thinking about you coming apart for me.

That was so good. Your voice. Knowing you were watching me. I wanted to come hard for you. 

And you did. You were so good for me. Want are you doing now?

Circling my clit. Wishing it was you. You?

Pumping my cock. Wishing it was you.

When we can be together, how do you want me? 

I thought about fucking you over my desk but I want to be able to see you. Your pretty face. Those tits.

Maybe I should ride you. You could see and touch everything.

I'd like that. The thought of you bouncing  on my cock while I fuck up into you. Would you like that?

Yes.

Are you nice and wet now? Still circling  your clit or…?

I was. All this talk of riding you. I'm going to ride my huge dildo while I play with my clit.

A photo came through underneath. The dildo looked to only be slightly bigger than him. Pride swelled in him at you think of it as huge. Then he thought about how well you could take him. He'd been stroking his cock at a leisurely pace but the thought of you sinking down onto that toy while it spread you open had his hand moving faster.

I bet you look so good riding it.

You can see for yourself at the end of the week.

I changed my mind. I'll have to bend you over and fuck you. Hard. For being such a tease.

Jokes on you. I'd like that. How are you touching yourself now?

Faster. Big long stroke and sweeps across the tip. Are you still playing with your clit?

Yes. Not as much. I've switched hands to type. I'm riding my dildo hard. Thinking of you.

Instead of typing, why don't we send one last message to get each other there then start texting again when we are done?

Sounds good. Anything in particular you want?

Can you take the picture of your tit again but with better lighting?

Are you always on the job? 

I'm a consummate professional. What would you like? 

After you cum could you send me a picture of it? Wherever it lands. 

Of my cum?

Yes.

Sure.

Thank you. I hope this passes your professional standards.

The photo underneath was more than he expected. Instead of a less grainy picture of one partially covered tit. You'd sent a picture of both of them fully uncensored. Your nipples hard and begging for attention. He thought about sucking on them as he worked you to orgasm on his fingers. That was it for him. The cum you wanted a picture of shot up his stomach. When he could think again, he took a picture to send to you.

A few minutes later, a voice note came through.

"I wish that cum was splashed over me. I can't wait to finally….oh…I'm almost there. Oh. Shit. Lucien. Lucien. Oh, god."

Breathy moans punctuated your sentences. He could hear how wet you were. It was the hottest thing Lucien had ever heard. After a few more minutes, another message came through.

Was that good for you too?

So fucking good. Are we good?

What do you mean?

No post horniness regrets?

Nope. Whatever it is we're doing, I like it. I like you.

Me too. Maybe before tonight's shoot we can get takeout? Watch a movie?

I'd like that. I've got to go to work for a few hours but I'll see you tonight. 6?

6 is perfect. See you soon.x

The cum on his stomach started to cool and feel uncomfortable. Part of him wanted to wear it like a badge of honor. A beautiful, smart, confident woman helped him get off. She wants to fuck him so bad that they sexted. He had her pretty tits and the sounds of her orgasm on his phone. Which he would delete just in case. He didn't want to be accidentally responsible for them being seen and heard by anyone else. After committing them to memory, that's what he did before taking a shower and jerking off again.

The day passed pretty quickly. Claude leapt through the window around lunch, just as Lucien was thinking of taking a break from his chores. The cat must have sensed something was on Lucien's mind as he came to sit on his lap as he ate his sandwiches. 

"Yeah, you know I'm in trouble too, huh?" The cat just purred as Lucien scratched his head.

"The longest stable relationship I've had in years has been with you and you come and go as you please. I want this to go well. Wait until you meet her. You're good at reading people. You'll see, she's just…special." He caught how wistful he sounded. "And I'm a loser talking to his mostly indifferent cat."

With that Claude hopped off of Lucien's lap to bask in the sun warming the rug in the middle of the room. 

"This smells amazing! Do you eat from here often?" You savoured the scents coming from the takeout boxes.

Lucien settled back into the sofa next to you after opening them all up. "I try not to too much. I like to keep in the habit of cooking so I don't get lazy. How about you? Do you cook?" 

"I try to be good and make good choices. I batch cook when I can but I would happily live on pizza if I could."

"There's an amazing pizza place a few blocks down. Iannucci's? We should try it next time."

Before Lucien could cringe too much about assuming there would be a next time. You simple reply. "We should."

"So what movie do you want to watch?"

"I don't know. What kind of movies do you like?"

"I've been working my way through the action movies on Disney plus. Air Force One is up next."

"Air Force One? Die Hard on a plane? Really?"

"Really. Why?"

"Nothing. That's not what I expected an artist to be watching. I know! I know! I shouldn't stereotype. It was a stupid thought!"

"It's okay. I'm a little surprised you know what Die Hard is. I thought you'd only watch Erin Brockovich, Legally Blonde…"

"I get it. Thank you."

"....Devil's Advocate, A Few Good Men."

"Point made. Now shut up before I make you." You nudged his arm with yours.

"Oh yeah? How?" A smirk tugged at his lips as his eyes locked with yours in a challenge.

"We ordered enough egg rolls to do the trick or…" Lucien didn't miss how your eyes flickered to his lips.

"Or…?" His thought was answered by your lips. 

How had he forgotten how soft they were? They invited him closer. His hands travelled to your waist as yours came up around his neck. The kiss was slow, your lips took the time to get acquainted with the curves of each other, instead of frantically mashing together like last time. The hands that you had both placed in relatively safe place began to get bold, sliding along clothed skin, sliding until…"Meow!"

"Shit!" You nearly headbutted Lucien in shock. "Sorry, I forgot you had a cat." 

"To be fair. I don't really 'have' a cat. A cat turns up and eats here. He's not the most…" Claude came over and jumped straight into your lap. "....affectionate…but he has his moments. He seems to like you." Claude was purring as you stroked him. 

"The feeling is mutual. I'm not normally a cat person. I'm allergic for one and I don't like their fur getting everywhere. This guy though." To Lucien's surprise you cuddle Claude closer and the cat lets you. "No problems there."

Seeing the smile on your face as you cuddled the cat was almost worth the feline interruption. "Do you wanna watch the movie?"

"Sure." With Claude on your lap you finished your food. Feeding him little bits that Lucien said were okay. 

Once you were all finished eating, Lucien moved your plates. Still with Claude on your lap Lucien pulled you close. His arm remained around you for the rest of the movie. Your body relaxed into him more and more until your heart rested on his chest. His hand came up to play with your hair during the climax of the movie. As the good guys rejoiced, a warmth spread through Lucien's chest. This was all so domestic. 

It was what he craved during quarantine when he saw others spending time with their loved ones. His parents had retired back home to Bolivia. Most of his family were there, save his brother in Chicago. His friends all had partners or families of their own. He hadn't been short of invitations, but it felt wrong to impose on his friends for who knows how long. It turned out to be a long time, considering his health condition. Even if he had stayed with them, he'd just be borrowing a family rather than having one of his own. 

Sitting there with you in his arms all the possibilities scrolled through his mind as the credits scrolled the screen. The comfortable warmth of you next to him slowly started to become too much. The pleasantly full feeling in his stomach started to feel like a lead weight. Pins and needles crept up from his feet. He needed to get up, he needed to move. 

"Sorry. I have to use the bathroom." He gave you a tight smile as he excused himself.

In the privacy of the bathroom, he tried to calm himself. He held a cool flannel to his face. He willed all the irrational bullshit to stop pushing at his mind and affecting his body. He lost track of time as he stood there. He felt trapped. He couldn't stay here and ignore you but he couldn't face you either. If he stayed you might think he had some sort of intestinal situation. If he left you'd see the state of him. A grown man haunted by things that were yet to happen. Things that may never happen. He might not let you down. You might not even give you the chance. Especially if you thought he was currently stuck on the toilet after a bad meal. No, you weren't that shallow. You were caring. You were nice. You were…knocking at the door.

"Lucien? Are you alright?" 

"Yeah. I'll be out in a minute. Er, thanks."

"Sure."

When your footstep receded, Lucien took a few more minutes before he came out to find you. The coffee table was now clear of boxes, Claude was stretched on the sofa alone. Some song that he couldn't quite catch, possibly Rihanna, came from the other side of the screen he'd pulled across to section of his studio from his small living space. Moving around it, he found you washing the dishes, your hips swaying to You Da One. 

"Sorry. Doing dishes bores the hell out of me. I always prefer a little music. How are you?"

"You really didn't have to do these."

"I wanted to. I'm a good house guest." You jutted your chin out proudly. He wanted to press a kiss to it.

"Well, thank you. And I'm fine, just a headache."

"I told you about my husband lying to me, didn't I?" You carried on working as you spoke. Like the words didn't have enough weight for you to make you pause. "I get it if you don't feel comfortable telling me personal stuff, but I'd rather you say that than lie."

How did you do that? Just completely bare yourself for him. This was the truth that he was looking for in his art. It was almost the truth he had given you apart from one thing. "I had a minor…um…anxiety attack."

"Oh. Do you know what triggered it? Do you want me to give you some space?"

Lucien just blinked at you. "What?"

"Nothing. That just wasn't the reaction I was expecting."

"What were you expecting?"

"I don't know. I had a similar rough patch as a teen. I was told to grow up. Man up. This time around, apart from my doctor, I haven't told anyone."

"Except me. Thank you."

"I should be thanking you."

Lucien's hand threaded into yours. His hooded gaze heated you up from the inside out. This connection between you was growing by the second. Not only was he incredibly sexy, funny, sweet, interesting, he was open and honest too. Nothing like your ex-fiance. The end of the week, when you could finally sleep with him, couldn't come fast enough. Even though you'd barely known him a week, you had the sexual tension of a 'will they/won't they couple' in the fourth season.

You had to say something before the tension suffocated you. "Do you want to move on to the shoot now?"

"To be honest right now I couldn't give a damn about my art. I want you." Things clattered to the floor as Lucien's broad frame crowded you into the counter. He lifted you back up onto it while trying to always keep his lips in contact with yours. He succeeded for the most part until he chose to connect his lips somewhere else. They made light contact with your neck before meeting the soft exposed flesh of your cleavage. His tongue darted out to lap in between. "What were you saying about missing someone paying attention to these? Can I?"

When you nodded you found yourself stripped to the waist. Two large, nimble hands tweaked your nipple to peaks as they massaged the flesh around them. Soft lips pressed kisses all over before sealing around each nipple it turns to suck gently. The warmth of his mouth along with the perfect amount of pressure had you woefully aroused in moments. The man could do anything he wanted to to you in that moment and you would thank him for it. 

"Bedroom?" The word managed to croak out of your dry throat. 

With a grin on his face Lucien led the way. Somewhere along the way his shirt was lost. When you got him onto his bed he was only in those damned tight jeans.

"Can I?" When he nodded you made quick work of his belt and fly to drag the jeans down his hips.

His boxers soon followed revealing his semi hard length. It was as pretty as the rest of him and you eagerly welcomed it into the warmth of your mouth. Your tongue ran over the soft flesh, you sucked lightly on it then a little harder but….nothing. He wasn't reacting to your touch at all. "Are you alright?"

"Fuck. Sorry. This hasn't happened before. I…" He rolled away from you to tuck away his soft cock.

"It's okay. It's probably just the anxiety. Those attacks leave you drained. It's fine." Your thumbed rubbed circles on his thigh.

That action from a beautiful woman alone would usually have him hard as a rock. He wanted to believe your words but the anxiety talking over them was too loud for him to truly take them in. He'd fuck this up before it began. All his big talk of fucking you hard and he couldn't deliver. He couldn't even get it up. You were so gorgeous but his body refused to reflect his attraction.

"You're right. I should get some sleep." His tone was brisk.

"Alright. Call me tomorrow?"

"Of course." He pressed a kiss to your temple as you climbed off the bed.

"You rest. I'll see myself out." Straightening your clothes, you left his room to find the rest of them and head out.

Lucien didn't call you the next day. He fired off a quick text, telling you he was fine, but he was busy with his other job. A half truth. He wasn't fine, but hopefully, throwing himself into his work would get him there. They had a stand-alone episode slated to record tomorrow. Lucien decided to change it for a small arc. It was a tight time frame, he'd have to get it done before lunch to run it by the writers. The story flowed easily enough. It was done by the time Claude returned for his nap in the midday sun. The story boards were approved by the writers. They loved it. 'A bold take, on some sensitive issues', 'This is what our fans came for.'

It should have helped. It did to a certain extent. He felt a little better. After he let Claude out for the night, had an early night. Thinking of you in his bed, his cock began to stir. A free porn video later and he was coming to the thought of you underneath him.

With his head clearer, he could see that, in his excitement, he was putting way too much pressure on this thing between you. You were smart and understanding. This could be worked through. All he had to do was call you. Easy. Just call. Instead, he tossed his phone, cleaned himself, and spent a sleepless night in his bed. Alone.

@kirsteng42 @prolix-yuy @thegreenkid2 @hquinzelle @fangirl-316 @gracie7209 @jedifarmerr @doommommy @scorpio-marionette @sturkillerbase @harriedandharassed @aynsleywalker @mswarriorbabe80 @quica-quica-quica @rise-my-angel @adancedivasmom @kinda-nobody @movievillainess721 @munsonownsmyass @mandoloriancookie @faceache111 @elegantduckturtle @manazo @simpingcowboy @pedrit0-pascalit0 @yourcoolauntie @pedrostories @geekrenaissance

#pedro pascal character fanfiction #lucien flores #lucien flores x f!reader #claude the cat

[0rinthered]

I am so passionate about Orin, like no it isn't fair she doesn't ever get the chance and Durge doesn't help her or care after the fact. Ironically what Orin did saved everyone and got Durge freedom if they chose it. The fact that all you can really do is insult her or call her stupid besides the "you've been abused and used option" which is a high roll to even convince her is so sad. I don't like mocking her knowing the whole context and why she's doing what she is. It's not a choice really. It feels wrong to me. She's a victim of so much abuse and grooming from all these awful men. I mean Saravok is a creepy ass misogynist who r worded Orin's sister/mom and people mock her about that in way that's really messed up.

The only person who even seems to show a bit of empathy or at least understanding of her is Minthara when she is a big victim of her. Orin punishes people because she's punished by Bhaal, I saw people post the dev notes the tragic context they should have made clear in the game. That she would have even tried to resist Bhaal before and when she did she got killed for it. In a fucked up way Minthara is the closest thing to showing her "love" or at least care, like I know it's not love but just someone like not being horrible to her or looking down on her for existing. She even says they had similar situations and upbringings so you save her that kind of fate. She said she saw herself reflected in Orin broken too. Sad about all the content they didn't give us because I know they said they wanted more Orin/Minthara stuff but I think ti deserved more than a few lines.

Orin's father is literally a child r*pist and apparently has a line where he says he likes her the same way he does her mom? LIKE WTF? and wants her to make babies with durge? I don't know if it is confirmed if he assaulted her or not but he obviously would if he wanted. He shows a lot of hate like he didn't effect what happened if he's mad about what Orin did to Durge. Felt so horrible killing her in the scene after you tell her the truth because she's totally a slave in body then too. It broke my heart. I don't like that they didn't make her background more of the forefront and just let people see her as this crazy one unless you think about her or find tidbits. She felt like a throwaway to me when she's so tragic and she's just mocked and hated by everyone. I hate abused children/women being painted as "crazy psychos" to make fun of. She's severely mentally ill. Ketheric is not a more sympathetic character, he chose to do all he did. Gortash is given more dignity and choice than her. I think Ketheric and his performance are overrated honestly, he just got more screentime and got to be more fleshed out so they say he's better. That's why people go "orin is just an unhinged boring murderhobo" SHE AND AZULA DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER

Yeah it's pretty frustrating - a lot is implied with her but man you really have to look for it, which a lot of people don't bother to do. Orin in my opinion is the most interesting of the three.

I know the general opinion seems to sway to Ketheric, and I really like him, but I think it's pretty ah... shallow? For lack of a better word. Maybe surface level? Like it's very straight forward in my opinion, which doesn't mean it's any less than Orin or Gortash but I think it's easier to absorb if that makes sense?

Whereas with both Orin and Gortash you really need to sniff around, Orin especially. Minthara is the companion she is attached to, as Gortash is Karlach (While it seems like the only connection Ketheric has to the camp is Shadowheart, but that's through Dame Aylin and Isobel strangely enough. Someone correct me if I'm wrong. But he has an entire act to himself so...). But with Minthara, she is so so so easy to miss and thoughtlessly slaughter (ironically enough) so that's a whole bunch of Orin content absolutely nuked off of the bat.

So I suppose the bizarre pacing is to blame for Orin and Gortash kinda farting around, and Orin not being treated fairly compared to how the fandom treats durge. Again, quite "fitting" I guess. Orin doesn't get that privilege of pity and a chance at life whereas Durge gets two chances. The first being actually having a life outside of the temple, and the second being the tadpole. Why? Idk.

I don't even want a redemption for Orin. I think the choice should be there, and I think the choice should be made by her. Only her.

My ideal world would be Orin can escape, stay (what we currently have), or escape in her own little Orin way. To elaborate on that... I think Orin should be able to continue slaughtering people, but I think she should do it for herself. Not for Bhaal, not for the temple. But because SHE wants to. I do however think the ""novelty"" of that for her would vanish pretty quickly once there's no unholy purpose to it, but that's just part of the growth I guess. So she rejects Bhaal, and skitters away into the shadows. She isn't going to have a character arc in like a week and dye her hair white - despite Shadowheart and Orin's similarities - I unfortunately think it'll take a lot lot lot longer and might never happen.

Still, the main point is that she has a choice, something she has been devoid of her entire life. What she chooses to do with that is up to her and that's the beauty of it.

I could go on and on and on about it and how she should actually be given lots of choices but that would just be me rambling even more than I already am LMFAO

Anyway, Orin I love you pookie boobookeys, remember that there's more to life than pleasing someone who never seems to want to please you.

#rambling #I didn't think this through I just typed it as I went along #so dont get mad :)

[lorethebookworm]

I just saw 10 things I hate about and immediately thought yeah , this is okay but what if we remove the messed up shit and make it andreil so it becomes prefect? Here's my idea

You know the drill, Katelyn wants to date Aaron but he can't date unless Andrew does because as always, those two are a little fucked up. Enter the only guy who isn't scared of Andrew : Neil. Now , in this universe I want Neil to be his unfiltered self, meaning that he accepts the money Kate gives him because that's what you do when people offer you free money, but he has no intention to go along with the plan. That's because 1 he is as demi as they come 2 he is an asshole but even he can see that making someone believe you fell for them and building a relationship with them just because you've been bribed is just cruel. So Neil won't date Andrew, instead he approaches him ,tell him the whole entire crazy truth about the situation, and proposes that the two share the money and start hanging out to get more money out of Katelyn. And Andrew, against his better judgement, is so fascinated by this unhinged pretty boy that he can't help but agree.

At this point everything is going great, Kate and Aaron are happy, Andrew and Neil are spending more and more time together, trading truths and falling in love. As always they both believe that the other would never reciprocate so they are pining for a while. And , before you ask yes, the scene where he sings for her in front of everybody and the cute date afterwards 100% happen for andreil too, because I say so.

Okay so everything is going great and Kate and Aaron want to go to prom so she pays Neil 300 dollars to make Andrew go as well ( I'm making Kate rich as fuck because otherwise I'd feel so bad for her, she's literally throwing money away). Neil obviously accepts and pretty much offers all the money to Andrew in the form of candy and ice cream and other stuff Andrew requests (Andrew is so smitten that he would go just because Neil asked, but the man has a reputation to uphold ).

What happens at prom and after in the movie doesn't really make sense for this au so I'm deciding that Andrew and Neil are completely bewitched by each other the entire night until they finally kiss and have their happily ever after.

#ten things i hate about you #10 things i hate about you #10 things I hate about you au #andreil au #someone write this please #aftg #andrew minyard #neil josten #andreil #aaron minyard #the movie is cute but I just hate that the relationship between the two protagonists is based on lies #he doesn't actually care about her #at least in the beginning #also she starts being interested only after he pretends to like the same music as her and acts like he doesn't smoke anymore #and I know that in the end they fall for each other but the original plan is just fucked up #so I got the healthiest ship ever to fix this #neil would 100% be like #hey man some idiot paid me to date you but since that's stupid let's gwt ice cream with the money she gave me #cut to andrew making heart eyes

[pencilscratchins]

Have you watched the first episode of Strange New Worlds yet? I wanna know your thoughts

THANK YOU FOR THE OPPURTUNITY, DISTINGUISHED PANEL OF JUDGES (spoilers, seriously do not read if you havent watched it! its so good, you should do it unsullied)

okay so first and foremost: i fucking loved it. it was the best live action pilot of a star trek show since DS9- i thought the writing was so fun and energetic, and the characters/ cast are POPPING off the screen. im so excited for this season, i think its going to be a return to form in a lot of ways and i think that'll be a breath of fresh air. (i know some people are sad SNW doesn't seem to be taking risks, format wise, and you know; i like that picard and disco did something new and broke the serial mold that DS9 cracked for them. but i also love episodic television and i think having SNW be episodic functions as a great connective tissue between DISCO and TOS!)

the cast is FUCKING STELLAR!!!!! THEYRE SO GOOD! we know i love ethan & anton & rebecca's takes already, but what little we got of everyone else has me DROOLING. also im in love with ortegas already so. lesbian me, confirmed. (also set design & lighting is so much better than disco... holy shit)

i also loved the choice to open with a mission that the Red Angel incident caused; i think its a great way to introduce how that situation is still heavily affecting both pike AND spock, as well as how Starfleet was clearly not equipped for that level of conflict and now have to grow as well.

now... that's not to say i don't have critiques. because obviously, im not pleased with the spock/ t'pring stuff. i don't like how either character was written in their interactions and i think their scenes weaken the relationship we see in TOS. i know im a gay spock truther and people love to give me shit about that, (which you know... is another issue we wont get into here) but setting my personal spock truth aside; it was still a weak choice. i think tpring and spock work best when presented as foils and peers who are forced into a bad situation. the way they both get OUT of that situation (their engagement) is what defines both them and the fundamental difference b/w vulcans & humans: tpring functions within the traditional system to dissolve their union, as where spock breaks form completely and creates a new solution. framing their relationship like they did in the pilot weakens that decision on a whole. (& im not someone whos like "oh you have to stay totally adherent to established canon!" either but these interactions also felt out place when compared to how t'pol's engagement went? or is that just me?)

however, im also holding judgement. because i think one way to interpret this spock trying to follow michael's final advice (yeah yeah i have michael brain rot, sue me i dont care.) in spock's head, tpring IS the person farthest from him (she, again, represents the archetypical vulcan and everything about that society that he doesn't fit- and, they don't really like each other. they were forced together, they did not chose this.) this is spock reaching out, trying his damnest to respect what his sister wanted for him, even though she meant something totally different (canonically, or metacanonically at least, she was talking about kirk-) so it could very much crumble into the relationship we see between tpring and spock in TOS.

regardless, i like how spock was written outside these scenes and you can tell ethan loves playing him. and the tpring actress is really serving, i hope she gets more outside of spock! uhura is already a delight, i cannot wait to dive more into her and see what celia does because theyre so talented; i love la'an's voice and presence and i can't wait for her and #1 to have scenes together! pike is so charming and well written and i love how he interacts with his crew. chapel is deranged and i love that choice, m'benga is such a good CMO. i am so pleased with this episode, i really am!

oh also this is a sam kirk stan blog now. called it, i called it SO HARD. AGAIN I CALLED IT AGAIN--

#spoilers #snw spoilers #lovelyladylaudanum #sorry for the essay i have a lot of thoughts #MOST GOOD LIKE 90% GOOD I REALLY LIKED IT YOU GUYS #especially because picard was such a chore to get through this season im sorry #i know people liked it but it was so......... long for me #snw is so much more fun #strange new worlds #strange new world spoilers #long post #read more #under the cut

[helshollowhalls]

Personal Rant about the current situation

I fucking hate it here. Not Depressed Nousagi remarking that the inclusion of Millie's and Enna's info in the document from Selen's lawyer might be hinting towards them being the bullies.

Obviously, I don't know Millie in person. And it's probably better that way to be completely real for a second.

But I only have four oshis - Zentreya, Vesper, Fulgur and Millie and Millie is my kamioshi.

Vesper graduated/presumably didn't sign another contract with Cover (that's fine he's still active online so idc), Fulgur and Millie are in Niji (which currently is the equivalent of having a fucking bomb chained to your damn foot) and Zen... Zen is the only one doing okay apart from probably being really sad and shaken by Yunii's upcoming graduation.

I just... I have trouble imagining Millie bullying anyone. From all that I have seen of her, she's such a kind and well-meaning person. I get the impression that she'd rather saw off her own arm than consciously hurt anyone else. A little bit unhinged sometimes and definitely in need of a good therapist, yes, but aren't we all?

Imagining Enna or Finana bullying someone? I hate to say it but not outside the realm of possibilities. But Millie? Please say sike.

I speak from personal experience that it's so easy to slip into becoming a bully once you're being bullied yourself... and judging from Millie talking about her childhood and experiences in school she definitely didn't get off the hook without any damages and scars, but I choose to believe that she's better than me in that regard. And if it turns out to be wrong, well then it's my fault for being a fucking dumbass and assuming things about people on the internet.

I don't even know what she would gain from bullying Selen. Favor with management? What's the point. Ethyria is the unloved and sidelined middle child of the family and Niji doesn't give a damn. LazuLight is the first wave, Obsydia had Selen, Ethyria... Exists... And then immediately there's the cash cow of the English branch, Luxiem.

Luxiem is the favorite child, LazuLight the first one so they get a little more attention and before Selen got terminated Obsydia had her going for them. As for Ethyria... Nina never compared to Selen in earnings, Reimu is left to rot in a ditch, Enna is used for song promotions and the likes because she has a good voice and it's convenient and Millie tries to make the best out of her situation.

And I personally think her defending the company is for one based on her relative inexperience in the corporate vtubing scene (she was an indie before. Niji is the only corpo she's experienced so she doesn't really have anything to compare it to besides shitty minimum wage retail jobs), her choosing to believe in the best in everyone and her frustrating lack of self-esteem (which can lead to allowing others to walk all over you). She does deserve to be supported and get opportunities just like anyone in Luxiem, hell like anyone in Hololive or VShojo. She's a talented entertainer and streamer and I wish her nothing but the best.

At the end of it all, she's entitled to her own opinion and I respect that, even if I don't think her truth is the end all be all and don't agree. But if management isn't outright pounding her into the ground every three to five business days as they did with so many other livers I'm glad. I doubt all managers in Niji are assholes. Some just try to make the best of a very fucked situation. But the fact that some livers get the bare fucking minimum when the bar is the ground and Riku "Yacht" Tazumi brought a damn excavator, doesn't mean that it's okay or god forbid, good. You should do better. You need to do better. No talent deserves this treatment.

At this point everything just feels like one menhera tattling on the other - Yes, news youtubers and even myself included. Depressed Nousagi isn't really hiding the fact that he's mentally ill. I'm not going to sugarcoat this, my mental health is down the drain as well and I'm living with the consequences. This entire situation is so messed up.

Please don't harrass any of the livers. Bullying and threats aren't going to get us anywhere and in the end all of them are at the mercy of the company in regards to what they can or can't do. And everyone's situation is different. Maybe Niji is the first time they ever had this much money or a semi-stable income at all. Maybe the only other option besides Niji when it comes to getting a job is a fucking gig at Target, Starbucks or Hollister. Or social security. Maybe graduation isn't an option because being out of a job might mean the immediate loss of home, access to insurance or vital medical care and mental health care or not being able to support family and/or pets anymore.

I wish every liver the best and hope that everyone gets the help they need. And most of all, I wish for Niji to fucking rethink and improve their marketing, overall internal structure and business decisions. For the love of God.

#millie parfait #nijisanji english #nijisanji en #nijisanji #nijien #ethyria #my kamioshi #Personal rant

[chaotictarlos]

I'm less mad, I know I've said this, at the situation after reading a few articles, watching a few scenes again and not letting my emotions get the better part of me.

Not telling the truth / omitting things / not fully coming out with things is in Carlos' character. We see that when he doesn't tell his parents that TK is his boyfriend, and continues to not tell his parents about TK being his boyfriend until Gabriel points it out after they find TK when the medical crew has been kidnapped. And even though it's in character for him to just not talk about big / important things it does not excuse the fact he wanted so long - and was going to continue waiting - to tell TK that was married "in name only". That still rubs me the wrong way. It feels icky. It feels shady. And just. idk i don't like it. does it still feel like cheating to me, yes, but maybe that's just a personal thing and i'll get over it i think i am projecting a little to much.

It now makes sense - and it did before, but makes even more sense now - that his parents maybe didn't bring up him being gay much. He married a woman - they had to know that, and whether or not they knew it wasn't a real marriage is yet to be confirmed (obviously by the time they got engaged it was known, but we don't know how long they knew yet). He got married to please his parents, to feel loved, to be the perfect son, to control - and we know he's a control freak - something.

Silva said he believes any decisions that Carlos made immediately after coming out stemmed from being told “in the culture that he grew up in” that “he was not enough” and from wanting to be loved and accepted by those around him.

“I think Carlos getting married was his way of trying to fix the uncontrollable — something that was completely out of his hands — and that’s extremely human,” Silva explained. “That’s something we can all connect to: Trying to find a way to communicate to the people that you love that, ‘Hey, I know I’m not what you expected, but I am still lovable. Love me for who I am.’ I think it coincided with the fact that Iris was also someone who was not accepted for who she was."

The marriage makes sense, even not getting divorced makes sense. At first, with Iris seemingly dead - he would have been a widow. And then her coming back, needing health insurance and having good health insurance because of being married to Carlos makes sense - America Health Insurance is shit. But he should have told TK sooner and no, I will not stop saying it.

It's a secret that - upon thinking about it - does make sense.

But keeping that BIG of a secret from TK - especially after getting upset because, he felt like Cooper was getting parts of TK didn't get - was wrong.

Carlos was wrong for this.

And it's okay that he was in the wrong. It's okay that our favorite fucked up. People fuck up all the time.

But you have to admit that Carlos should have treated TK with more respect to tell him before they were engaged and actively planning a wedding.

#t talks #911 lone star spoilers #carlos reyes #tk strand

[the-softest-bruise]

a 21 year old kid in my hometown committed suicide (pretty publicly) last night and as someone who was very seriously suicidal at 21 too (but obviously lived to tell the tale), this goes out to all the suicidal kids in their early twenties:

I'm gonna be 31 in a couple of weeks and a couple of weeks ago would have been the ninth anniversary of my suicide attempt. I'm not gonna tell you things are going to be alright or even that things will get better because I don't know that for sure in your individual situation and I know that these phrases feel like empty promises.

However, and that's a fact: you'll grow. You'll be a different person a couple of months from now. You'll find things you'll like about yourself and you'll find you'll feel indifferent about things that you now may hate about yourself. You'll surprise yourself, you'll get to know new things about yourself. Life is change (and that's a good thing, even if it's simultaneously scary as fuck. Nothing lasts forever means that also the bad stuff doesn't last forever, even if it might look like it right now). You'll figure things out you'd never thought you'd be able to figure out. Other things will fall into place in ways that feel surreal. Some things won't work out (but sometimes that's for the better, and if not, it's still a part of life). Fuck what other people think (yes, including that person), their opinions don't control your life. Especially fuck what other people MIGHT think (that's none of your business and frankly, not your job to think for others as well. Focus on your own thoughts). Your brain isn't even fully developed yet, you're still learning to control your emotions and to cope with overwhelming things (kinda like a toddler basically!). This part does get easier with age, you'll see.

"It gets better" basically just means you'll learn how to navigate life better. You're in the process of creating your very own manual on how to survive. And you're doing a good job, even if you feel like a failure (cut yourself some slack - this is, after all, your first rodeo!), even if you think others handle it better than you (again, focus on yourself instead of others). So yeah, life sucks sometimes, and sometimes it gets really really hard, but what I've taken away from these moments is that I have my own back. The first time I had the realization that I can rely on myself, that I got my own back through it all, it felt like a warm hug from a friend. That's what they mean when they say you're strong. Because you are, even if you don't feel like it, or even if you don't want to be strong anymore (because it can get exhausting, I get it, but the fact that we can't help it because it's our defaulf setting is also kind of empowering, isn't it?).

Why do you care, you might ask, and I know this because I asked that same question when I read suicide prevention posts whenever I was in a dark place. It's true, I don't know you, and our lives likely won't cross paths, and it won't affect me whether you live or die. Chances are you feel like nobody would care but the truth is - somebody will be affected by it, probably even people you don't even know. I took half an hour out of my day to write this because a stranger whom I've never even met killed themselves and it shook me and reminded me that there are others out there who are just like them. Suicide is a fucking tragedy because it goes against every living being's survival instinct. We are a social species. We want to see each other thrive and survive. So in that sense, yes, somebody out there cares.

Also, it might not look like it, but there is still the good in this world. The little things, the details. Not to go "you have so much to live for" but the truth is, those are the things worth sticking around for. "This song/this pastry/this friendly dog in the street/this warm shower/etc. may be nice but it's not worth sticking around for because [big bad thing] outweighs it by a million times" you might argue. But [big bad thing] will start to look smaller with every good little thing. They have a tendency to grow around the big bad things until they suddenly start to look small in comparison. So keep looking out for them, they will start to accumulate.

The world has actually quite a few lovely places and life turns out to have its upsides. You can trust me on that.

#please seek help. there will be someone who'll help. #suicide #depression #borderline personality disorder #suicide prevention #mental illness tag #mp