#NEDA2020 ComeAsYouAre FuckAna

[havivian]

NEDA 2020

Each year, the last week of February is designated to National Eating Disorder Awareness. So, every year, towards the beginning of the month, I sit down and I reflect on this God awful illness and I try to understand it. I try to think that everything happens for a reason- including something so selfish, deceiving and manipulative as Anorexia Nervosa truly is. And usually, I can justify it. I tell myself that it taught me strength, I tell myself I wouldn’t be who I am today without it. And while I do believe these things to be true somewhere deep inside... this year, all I could feel was rage. I hate this disorder, I really do. I hate the things it’s done to my body, my mind, my family, my friends- my life for the past seven years.

So, as we learn from this illness- as we grow, recover, bloom beyond the sight of Ana's view- though we do have to try to understand it, anger is okay. It's okay to feel rage towards something that's taken so much away from you.

NEDA has titled this years awareness week: hindsight is 2020.

I really do wonder how different my life would be today if only I'd known a few short years ago that there was a life beyond daily weigh ins and measurements to assure my size 00 jeans still fit loosely...

To the disorder that almost killed me before I was even old enough to get my learners permit: fuck you.

Thanks for the jeans ED. I don't want them anymore.

#NEDA2020 ComeAsYouAre FuckAna