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jaylver · 1 year

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ARE WE STILL FRIENDS? — L.HS

SYNOPSIS: Situationships were never fun. Unfortunately for you, you found yourself being in one with your long term best friend, and that ended up getting sour when confusions started to appear, which only had you questioning if you were still friends or not?

PAIRINGS: fwb!heeseung x afab!reader

GENRE: friends with benefits relationship, angst

WARNING(S): profanities, a whole lot of frustrations

WC: 1k

Are we still friends?

That was a question you asked yourself over and over again. You found yourself waking up next to Heeseung once every few mornings after spending the night, each time you ended up shutting your eyes and praying it was just a dream. But do dreams normally consist of you being bare naked and waking up to dread and regret? No.

People who said trying out friends with benefits was ‘fun’ were uttering absolute bullshit. If it was fun, you wouldn’t be wishing for a hole to swallow you up whole at this moment.

You couldn’t even tell when it had even started.

Heeseung had always been your closest friend throughout highschool leading up to college. Everything was normal until one night at a party, where you two got too drunk to remember anything, only realising the damage was done the moment you woke up next to one another. You would be lying if you said it wasn’t awkward, you literally stopped speaking for days until confrontations happened and the stupid deal of friends with benefits was brought up.

You knew people would be calling you a crazy person if you turned down an insanely hot man who happened to be your best friend, but at the same time, he was your best friend, the same guy that you grew up with. So, no, you weren’t entirely crazy.

In the months of the entire sneaking around shenanigans happening, you wished you could lie and admit your feelings stayed indifferent, but alas, your heart had to skip a beat whenever he did something, even the ones that were the simplest. Who could blame you anyway? Heeseung was a flirt, a fucking flirt, and he happened to be a hopeless romantic that would pull the sweetest stunts you never experienced even with your past lovers.

Buying a bouquet of flowers after your finals, treating you to dinners at fancy restaurants, taking care of you when you feel sick, eating together with your family, your plus one to weddings … all that and the two of you still remained label-less, how insane was that?

After all that, the countless nights spent together and the amount of sneaking around, you might think either one of you would finally pop the question and admit ‘hey, I like you’ or something along the lines, but no, not even once. What made things worse was that Heeseung seemed to be avoiding you and hanging out with other girls. Really? You thought, completely gobsmacked.

Now here you were, in the middle of your apartment, pacing around all antsy and anxious, waiting for the man of the hour to arrive. Were you going to explode soon from what was happening soon? Absolutely.

The familiar sound of the door twisted, your anxiety made you completely forget about the fact that Heeseung indeed had a copy of your keys, so you were left unprepared when he entered, even more so when he made his way towards you and pulled you into a heated kiss, his lips clashing onto yours, leaving you zero breath or space.

Don’t cave, don’t cave, don’t cave!

Your hands reached his chest, his hands only travelling further into your hair, tugging it gently to have your head tilted back in order to give way to his lips and your neck for contact. As much as you were enjoying this and wishing for more, you genuinely had to stop him, pushing him away hard, his touch lingered on your body, his dishevelled self staring back at you confusedly.

“Y/N?”

“Hee…we should talk,”

He raised an eyebrow, his head tilted to one side. “What’s there to … talk?”

You scoffed in disbelief. “You avoid me and fucked around with other girls then suddenly, you hit me up saying you’re coming over after all that? Do you expect me to welcome you with open arms?”

“Y/N…God, I didn’t fuck any of them—”

“Don’t you get it? I don’t care if you fucked them or not, it’s the fact that you broke my heart and what’s ridiculous is that we aren’t even together,” you let out a strained laugh. “I don’t even know if you want me or not, Hee. One second you say you love me in bed, saying how you never want to let me go and send me flowers at work, then the next second you pretend we’re nothing, completely insignificant. What are we? Are we still friends?”

“Of course we are, what are you saying? Hell, we’re probably more than that,”

“Then, why can’t you just say it? I want you to want me, Hee, don’t you fucking get it? But it seems like you don’t,”

“You deserve someone more than me, Y/N,”

You bit your lips, pushing that lump in your throat back, the feeling of pouring tears pricked at your eyes. “Bullshit,” you seethed out, pushing his chest, anger and frustration overwhelmed you. “I can’t believe I actually believed you would feel the same, even for a second,”

“I do love you,” Heeseung breathed out, pining and desperation painted his expressions, but the words that left his lips reflected something else.

“If you do, you wouldn’t have played me like this, for fuck’s sake,” you threw your hands up, trying your best to hold your tears in. “Maybe we should just end things here for once and for all,”

“We should,” Heeseung blinked slowly, processing everything gradually. “I’m sorry for hurting you. I know this sounds selfish but can we forget about this thing? I know we can’t mend what was already done and hurt, but you’re my best friend, you’ll always be. Can we start over? Can we be friends?”

You knew no matter what, there was no way you could ever let Heeseung go completely. The boy you knew since highschool, the boy you’ve gone through everything with, the first boy you entirely lost your heart to, you had a feeling nobody could amount to him, and that was your fatal flaw. Maybe, just maybe, he shared the same flaw of being unable to let go of you completely either. You and him travelled in the same wavelength, you completed one another’s missing puzzle piece, in short, you were soulmates, but whether you were aware of it, that was the problem.

“Of course,” you said, your voice coming out quiet and low, the lump in your throat still present, your chest squeezing hard.

Heeseung nodded wordlessly, closing in to press a kiss on your forehead. That alone spoke louder than words could, it didn’t feel like a goodbye forever, it was more of a comforting reassurance, an apologetic one. He was already by the door, one hand on the doorknob before he turned around for another glance at you, his lips flattened into a small smile that didn’t quite reach to his eyes as it usually does, then once two beats has passed, he slipped past the door and was out of sight, but not out of mind.

You let out a big breath that you held in throughout, afraid that you might end up going breathless, falling onto your couch and you started blinking away the tears that were threatening to fall. You were a wreck and a mess, already strapping yourself in for the sad movies and depressing music playlists.

But it seemed that the universe had other plans for you instead. The doorbell rang and you froze, thinking it couldn’t be him again, right? You got up from your couch and trudged towards your door, wiping roughly at your face and praying you didn’t seem too slimy and gross. That’s when you whipped the door open, facing a delivery man, a flower bouquet in his hands.

“Delivery for Y/N? Your weekly flowers, by the way,”

Oh, that.

You took the flowers from the delivery man, bidding him goodbye before shutting your door shut. The timing was absolutely horrendous, you were played twice, how fun! The note was enticing you, though you knew it was a bad idea for your half broken but definitely weak heart. Curiosity killed the cat, and you were about to prove that right.

‘You’re my favourite flower. Always. — hee’

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