#The Brain Gremlin tries Home Ec.

[leam1983]

I don't know who needs to hear this, but...

Your first steak should be palm-sized - about as thick as your palm's pad, as well. Some people swear by cooking with a pan greased in butter, but I personally like to reserve this for my T-bones. Smaller steaks get a dab of olive oil swirled around so the pan is properly coated, on low heat to avoid burning it - and I raise the heat only once I'm ready to put the steak in. For added flavor, toss in some diced shallots and baby tomatoes.

Once you're ready to sear your steak, stay close by. You're going for a thin cut if you've follow this, so you could easily overdo it. Use a decent steak knife to make small scores on occasion, to check for the inner flesh's consistency. When the color matches your preferred grade, take it off the stove. If you're forced to work on your steak first and have other elements to work on, set your oven on Warm and put your pan in there, keeping it covered by a big-enough saucepan lid. Don't do this if your pan's handle is rubberized, obviously, and don't forget to cover your hands. Especially don't do this if your pan is bare metal all over.

For uncomplicated side-dishes that won't break the bank, never underestimate potatoes and cheese. If I'm cooking for myself, I peel three small potatoes, wash then pat them dry, then I cut them roughly and run them through my mixer for two or three quick pulses. I'm trying to keep big chunks for now, obviously. Then, in a bowl, I add one egg and about one-sixth of a cup of grated Parmesan cheese. Taking out my mixer, I incorporate the potatoes and add about two tablespoons of milk. A few generous pads of unsalted butter get tossed in, and I adjust the milk levels as needed, depending on how consistent I want my potatoes to be. For a silkier finish, add more milk. For meme-worthy pillowy mounds, don't add too much. Keep some salt and some grated cheese on the dining room's table, for last-minute personal adjustments.

For greens, my starter side dish is usually Brussels sprouts, arranged in a way that kills the core's acidity, which is what most people hate about them. Coat another pan with oil, add in a few teaspoons' worth of coarse salt, and toss your sprouts in after cutting them in halves. Get the flat sides well and truly scored, while tossing them around so the round side gets some color, too. You'll end up with sprouts that almost have a nutty aftertaste, with the core's bitterness being a really subtle suggestion in the back. For an alternative, peel some asparagus and subject them to the same treatment.

For desert (or lunch), snag yourself some medjool dates, preferably unseeded ones, a bit of flour and a box of All-Bran. Make a mixture of about 2/3 All-Bran and one-third flour, add some water and knead, then add in some diced-up date bits. Divide the ball up for a greased muffin tray and set your muffins to rise and cook. You'll realize that cooked dates tend to caramelize, which is fucking divine in the context of a muffin. You can remove the flour if you're especially health-conscious; you'll simply end up with brittle muffins that won't really rise much at all.

Other easy ways to flip the bird to the takeout industry include pasta laden with a veggie-rich sauce, basic whitefish like sole, homemade chicken strips, five-minute enchiladas and most desserts, which really are always at their best when you cook them yourself.

There is one catch, however. You can cook like a god using stuff bought off of Dollar Tree, but you will eventually need a decent knife block. Do not skimp on this, as this needs to be a lifetime investment. Do not buy into influencers selling you "Authentically japanese" knives. Eventually, the same goes for your pots and pans. We're talking about things that touch and alter objects you'll put in your body, here - the expense is more than warranted.

Another tip: keep "almost prepared" bases for your starter dishes around, frozen up if need be. It'll help you resist the call of the DoorDash menu, with a little prior planning.

#The Brain Gremlin tries Home Ec.