#The grudge haunting the building is a former soldier who ended up working there

[teenycabb]

a flower midst rubble

So I said I wanted to get the next chapter up by the end of the week, but weekends still count as the end of the week right? This chapter was pretty fun to write, and I hope you all like it. 

FFN || AO3

First Chapter

Chapter Two

Roy had only entertained the notion that Riza Hawkeye could ever be a mother once in his life. No more, no less.

For years she was nothing more than his teacher’s daughter. A fixture on the wall not to be awarded more than a passing thought. Not when there was so much more to occupy his brain, so much to learn about alchemy and he couldn’t absorb it fast enough. She wasn’t anything more than a shadow in her own home.

And after the war, she was a soldier. Steadfast and firm. Obedient to the orders given without any hint of resistance. Yet forever haunted by the experiences she had, shared only to a select few who could speak the same language. Keeping everyone at a distance, save the insolent Catalina who had latched on even tighter to his lieutenant even harder afterwards.

It had only been one time. And it was something he was so ashamed of, Roy buried it deeper than anything else. Deeper than the denials of the possible feelings he may have developed for her.

But he had not buried it deep enough. The image of Riza Hawkeye, hair down, brown eyes shining in a way they had never done before, holding an infant with the blackest ink for hair resurfaced as he watched her slip behind the ruins of the child care center.

Recovering his balance, Roy moved quickly over to Havoc’s side and dropped his hand on the blond man’s shoulder. Havoc jumped slightly under the sudden touch and turned his head to see who had made it out to the center of an abandoned sector. Roy noticed he was missing his customary cigarette and there was a thin line of blood near his hairline that hadn’t been there when Roy had arrived to give orders that morning.

“Wha—What’s going on? Was that Hawkeye?” Roy hated the way his voice wasn’t as steady as he wanted to portray.

Havoc stared at Roy. Roy was certain that if he still had his cigarette, it would have dropped from his lips. Havoc’s eyes, which had widened at sight of Roy, darted quickly back and forth from where Hawkeye disappeared to and himself. Roy thought he saw the little color Havoc had left drain from his face.

“You shouldn’t be here sir.”

Havoc’s voice dropped low. It was the most menacing tone Roy had ever heard come out of Havoc’s mouth. Roy unconsciously dropped his hand from Havoc’s shoulder, but restrained himself from taking a step back. He may not be the superior anymore, but he was not about to be cowed by a man used to receive his orders.

“You need to leave before she knows you’re here. Your presence won’t do any favors. We don’t need you right now.”

Roy noticed the way Havoc’s jaw was clenched on the one side. For the first time in the years of knowing Havoc as a comrade and a friend, Roy felt a real possibility that Havoc was about to inflict harm. His foot shifted a half-step back from the taller man. It may have been years since his last fight, but he could still hold his own. He was sure of that.

Hawkeye’s voice echoed from the rubble followed by the sound of shifting brick. Havoc broke the stare he settled Roy with and searched for any sign of the lieutenant in the rubble. His face released its tension for a few moments before it returned as he took a few steps to stand by the fence around the property. There his walk stuttered before he sprinted to Hawkeye’s side, wherever she was.

Roy was alone.

He always ended up alone.

“We don’t need you.”

Roy was tempted to storm his way over to his old friends and prove how much they needed him. Wasn’t it he who took command and helped liberate Central from the armored invaders? Wasn’t it he who sealed the Gateway to the alternate world to prevent other invasion forces? He was a goddammed alchemist. He could prove his worth right here and now.

Yet he couldn’t. His feet remained where they were planted and he could only watch as precious time slipped away from him.

Why didn’t they want him near Hawkeye? What was the conspiracy to keep him from her? Was she aware the men were doing this? She seemed extremely relieved to see him when he first came back to Central. Or was this by her request? Because he had left her behind when he went up to assist the Elrics against the flying aeroplanes?

Lieutenant Hawkeye was many things, but he had never seen her, in all the years he had known her, hold a petty grudge against others. Especially in the midst of tragedy like this.

“Holy fuck, it’s all gone.”

Roy turned to see a squad of men with excavation gear gathering in the space behind him, staring at the street of rubble. They were covered in the same grime as the soldiers of other rescue operations and some had the shell-shocked look Roy had come to recognize in the mirror after the bad nights. This was not their first call that day.

Roy turned from where his former subordinates were and addressed the men gathered and were clearly awaiting some form of direction. It took a few tries, but he eventually cleared his throat of the dust he’d breathed in.

“Focus your efforts on the corner building.” Roy gestured to the day care behind him without turning around. “There are an undetermined number of children trapped underneath the rubble, and no way to determine their status, but save as many children as you can. The structure is unstable, so be careful of your steps as to not bring the rest of the building down on you or on any children trapped.”

The soldiers’ faces grew even more grim at Roy’s words.

“There are already two officers in the building searching for survivors. Assist their efforts, and if necessary, relieve them of the search.” As distraught as Hawkeye appeared to be when she vanished behind the brick, she was not in any condition to conduct a proper search. “Now go.”

The soldiers gave a salute to Roy, despite the lack of stars on his shoulders, and rushed to follow the orders given. One of the men turned to each man in turn to give individual orders now that they knew where to focus their attention. Roy stood off to the side and watched as the men scrambled to follow the orders given. There was a ticking clock and no time to waste.

With soldiers running to assist Hawkeye and Havoc excavating children, and others looking to help the people in surrounding buildings, Roy finally allowed his brain to wonder why they were outside a day care.

The answer was obvious. It was so glaringly obvious, and Roy didn’t want to admit it. How could he? It would only reinforce the fact she was stronger than him and could continue to live her life while he was stuck in the same place he’d been in for years. Not that he needed to be reminded of that. He’d known that all along.

Roy wondered if he left if would anyone notice. The rescue team would be hard at work with their orders and specific tasks. They wouldn’t come back to him for directions, they just needed him to point out where they needed to go. His work was done.

And Havoc wanted him to go. Practically ordered it. If Roy left, he knew that Havoc would be relieved to see it. And if he stayed, there was no guarantee that Havoc wouldn’t be able to restrain himself from throwing the first punch.

Besides, didn’t he already see what he had come down here for? Why would he need to stay any longer? The base desire he had to make sure that she was unharmed and breathing was sated.

The image of Hawkeye screaming as she fought against Havoc’s arms, hair a mess and tears barely beginning their escape down her face appeared behind the eyepatch. He could still hear her voice echoing in his ears of her distress.

No. It wasn’t just the echoes in his mind. Roy was actually hearing Hawkeye’s voice. His vacant stare refocused on the crumbled building. Other soldiers that had the capability to, rushed to aid the lieutenant.

Roy couldn’t figure out what was in her voice. Jubilation? Relief? Despair? All of the above? Whatever it was, it was clear that she had found someone midst the rubble. And before Roy realized what he was doing, his feet took a few steps forward. His heart clenched at the thought of Riza finding any children dead under the brick. Of all the things that haunted her from her time in Ishval, the most reoccurring nightmare was the one with the children she found slaughtered and disposed of like garbage.

He couldn’t let her suffer that again. Not alone.  

A young man stopped him from going too far forward with a hand to Roy’s chest. Shaken from the reverie his mind was trapped in, Roy looked down at the small man, barely out of boyhood. His face was set in a firm line that didn’t sit well on the round face.

“Stay here, sir. You’re distraught. Let the men handle the extraction now. Your kid’s in good hands.”

Roy’s tongue stumbled over his own protests. He wasn’t a father. He would never be one. That had been a dream that died at his very first snap in Ishval. Then buried when he asked Hawkeye to watch his back, without him even realizing it until much later, when he imagined Hawkeye as something couldn’t be.

“Everything will be fine.”

It was a lie, Roy knew it, and this kid knew it, but neither of them cared. Together they stood and watched as soldiers disappeared behind the remaining walls one by one. Many voices drifted from behind the brick, and Roy thought he could pick out Havoc’s voice, but couldn’t determine what he was saying. Not over the infant scream that suddenly broke through the air.

Roy let the air escape his lungs. When had he started holding his breath?

Both Roy and the soldier watched with baited breath until another soldier in muted blue emerged from the fractured brick, clutching a bundle of white wool to his chest. The soldier was whispering words to the infant who let the world know of their displeasure as loudly as their little lungs could manage. And despite the tight cradle of the baby to his chest, the tension had eased out of much of the rest of the soldier’s body.

The young soldier that stopped Roy and Roy himself stood and watched as the other soldiers emerged from behind the wreckage, each with varying degrees of urgency depending on the severity of the child’s injuries in their arms. Roy watched as children were carried passed him on their way to the medical officer with his makeshift medical table, all younger than five.

Roy’s eyes flickered away as the young soldier moved from him to assist the medical officer. There were a dozen children who needed to have their wounds bandaged and broken bones reset. Roy swallowed and turned back to the remains of the building. He still hadn’t seen Hawkeye or Havoc emerge. He wouldn’t, no, couldn’t, move until he saw her—them emerge again.

They did not keep him waiting long. Havoc emerged first, stopping to help a young woman with red hair step over a piece of roof, then another with black hair chopped short. He guided them to a couple remaining soldiers waiting to take survivors to get looked over, before he disappeared behind the brick once again. When he reemerged, his military jacket was missing from his shoulders and he had his arm around Hawkeye.

Roy’s heart hurt for the next few beats. Havoc’s jacket was thrown over her shoulders as hers was covering whoever she had in her arms. He was too far to hear her over the crying children to his left, but he recognized the movement of her shoulders. Hawkeye was sobbing. Desperately. In a way he had only seen once before.

Havoc rubbed her shoulders and whispered something into her ear. His eyes strayed from her to take in the sight of all the children they had pulled from the building. A bittersweet look expression covered his face. Roy wondered what he had seen.

When Havoc’s eyes drifted from the children and landed on Roy, Roy saw something in his former subordinate’s eyes that Roy had only seen hints of in the years he had known him. Havoc looked downright murderous.

Havoc leaned down and whispered more in Hawkeye’s ear and passed her to the remaining soldier waiting nearby. Havoc gave orders to the man as too where to take Hawkeye and stood in place as the soldier did as he was told.

Havoc’s eyes never left Roy.

Roy squared his shoulders. He wasn’t about to let a former subordinate, no matter how tall he was, force him to cower under a glare. Those days were long behind him.

Or so he kept telling himself.

Roy remained where he was as Havoc marched over to him. His chin was angled up, a combination of defiance and to look the tall blonde squarely in the eye. Havoc sidled up next to Roy, slung an arm over his shoulder, and Roy stumbled to follow Havoc’s stride as he continued walking. They only walked a few steps before Havoc’s hand shifted from Roy’s shoulder to grip the area between Roy’s neck and shoulder. Very tightly. Roy tried to keep the pain from appearing on his face.

“Did I, or did I not tell you to get out of here?” Havoc’s grip was unrelenting.

“Someone needed to give those soldiers direction, since you ran into the that deathtrap after Hawkeye.” Roy turned his head to look at Havoc with his remaining eye. Havoc was standing on the side with the eyepatch.

“Drop that shit. You said it yourself, you’re only an enlisted man now. You have no place or right to be giving orders. In fact, you disobeyed mine.”

Roy wisely kept his mouth shut. It was true. Now that he was only an enlisted man, Havoc outranked him as a Second Lieutenant.

“And I want to make this perfectly clear.” Havoc dropped his hand from Roy’s person and spun around so he stood right in front of Roy. “I don’t want you to go near Hawkeye. Stay away from her.”

Roy wasn’t sure what came over him. Perhaps it was due to the surge of jealousy and anger that swelled up within him, or he was too tired to really police what his mouth said, but the words fell out of his mouth before he could stop them. They were biting and bitter, and not at all the truth, but there was something worthwhile about the shocked expression on Havoc’s face as he listened to the accusation.

At least it was until Havoc’s fist collided with his face and Roy landed on the ground.

Havoc stood over Roy for a few minutes breathing heavily, fist still clenched tightly at his side. Roy saw Havoc’s lips curl in a snarl in preparation to spit something back at his former superior before he decided against it and walked away.

Havoc didn’t even spare him a second glance.

#roy mustang #riza hawkeye #jean havoc #royai #fma #fma 03 #my writing #oh my gosh #what have I gotten myself into