#The whole mate bond thing kinda jump started him out of his delusions to stay and fight for Tamlin lbrh

[devouheir]

Me, only halfway through ACOWAR: Lucien's first introduction to Tamlin was when he sought a place in his court after seeing his father unalive Jesminda with his brothers holding him down, making him watch. The final straw was when Lucien gave Beron a reason to hunt him down in the woods, sending his brothers after him with the full intent to kill ( * he's always running from his brother's sharp teeth, their fire in hands, don't stop running don't stop running don't stop running. ) It's a bad habit, it's survival etched in his birthright, and Tamlin was the first to have shown him to stand up for himself, Feyre was the second.

This distinction is important because it never occurred to Lucien that he could bite back, that when prey is forced into a corner, watch how quickly it becomes a predator.

But his brother's blood is still warm on his hands, and it never went away, and here's the moment that he thinks: vengeance doesn't feel great. Not when he had grown up alongside his brothers and thought he'd be fine if he stayed out of their way, he had lagged purposefully behind in lessons so to never show any of them up. The whip scars on his back, deep and embedded, only taught him that it wouldn't do him any good.

You can imagine the horror, the gratitude, and the love Lucien would have for someone like Tamlin. The idea that Tamlin is this powerful monster in Spring, and how Lucien felt next to him for years after because this monster saved him; his autonomy his own, his life in his own hands, a brother for a brother. ( * But blood is always thicker than water, and he wonders if he'll ever stop keeping his brother's names buried deep in him; their judge, jury, executioner. Not even worthy of remembering them when he was brought up to be less than his brothers, and so begins that never-ending loop: I'm sorry it was me, it should've been you at the other end of that knife, why am I still here? )

When Amaranthe took his eye when he entreated for peace, he'd call it a fair exchange. For Tamlin and everything he had given him while being a part of his court, brutally losing his eye and a quarter of his face was only a fraction of what Tamlin did for him.

This makes Tamlin's descent into madness harder and harder to bear when the situation reverts right back to his time in Beron's court, constantly wearing a black eye, a broken arm, and spilling blood from wounds he doesn't mind because Lucien genuinely wants to fight for Tamlin, you think him consistently getting abused would break him but he's had worse. Worse still, Lucien still loves him like a brother. ( * I got thoughts about how this changes when Feyre arrives but that's another meta )

#meta / #lucien vanserra / #The whole mate bond thing kinda jump started him out of his delusions to stay and fight for Tamlin lbrh #I'm honestly gassed that SJ.M DOESN"T touch any more on Lucien's character yet because his origin story is brutal #and in a world of traumatized MC's; he's ok with processing it all on his own; in his own way ofc ofc #Rabbit stop writing brother dynamics and traumatized males challenge