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aliceslantern · 4 years

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Beyond this Existence: New Life, short 34--Scarred

Recovery is a tedious, nonlinear process. Demyx, Ienzo, and the others living in Radiant Garden's castle have to learn to come to terms with their pasts and their memories, learn to grow, and begin to understand what, exactly, it means to be human. While there is unexpected joy in this, there is also unexpected sorrow. A series of oneshots set after Beyond this Existence.

Current short: “Scarred.” Demyx and Even try to deepen their friendship.

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

---

“Knock knock. You busy?”

Even looked up from the computer, startled. “Is it that time already?”

Demyx looked at his phone. “...Twenty minutes later, actually.”

Even sighed and shut the laptop. “Your punctuality always did leave something to be desired.”

He shrugged. “And yet, you’re not even ready.”

He stood and brushed out imperceptible wrinkles in his lab coat. “What more do I need?”

“You’re going to wear that out?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

Demyx shrugged. “I mean, we’re going to lunch, not doing a supply run. I doubt pho is going to explode all over you. Unless you’re a messy eater.”

Even sighed. He slid off the coat, revealing a thick turtleneck. “Are you pleased now?”

“...Aren’t you going to be too cold in that?”

Even scowled. “Don’t you have better things to worry about than my choice of clothing?”

Demyx put up his hand. “Easy. It’s like not a big deal.”

He put a hand to his head. “Let’s get this over with.”

“...That’s the spirit.” They walked down through the castle, the same path Demyx treaded more or less every day. He could do it in his sleep--he practically had , on more than one occasion. “Hey, when was the last time you even left this place, anyway?”

“Oh, I don’t need for much.”

Demyx noticed his aversion to the question. “Gotta get some fresh air. It’s good for you.”

“I have a medical degree. I’m perfectly aware of what’s good for me.”

Demyx had to take a moment to smother the frustration. “I’m just trying to make some conversation. It’d help if you didn’t snipe at me after everything I say.”

Even jumped a little. “I am… sorry. It’s habit.”

They lapsed into a sort of silence. Demyx wondered if this were all a mistake, if the connection they’d forged a few weeks ago was just smoke and mirrors. He didn’t even know where to begin. How were they supposed to fill a whole hour or more with talk? He was almost beginning to panic.

“...Things are going well with your work, I presume? I think I’d have heard otherwise.”

Demyx shrugged. “Haven’t killed anybody.”

“Prior to working with Ansem, I was an intern at one of the small medical practices. I know that it’s tough, thankless work--hence why I left it.” He looked over at Demyx, his acidic green eyes glinting. “Good on you for going through with it.”

“It’s… weird,” Demyx admitted. “I feel like I’m kind of existing in two ways at once, you know.”

“Indeed. I’d have figured you’d devote yourself to music. You clung to it wholeheartedly--pardon the pun.”

Demyx bit his lip. “It’s still part of who I am, but… to focus on creation and performance, right now? It all feels a little…”

“Indulgent?”

He nodded. “I’ve been selfish for long enough.”

“You’ve grown very quickly.”

“So everyone says.” Demyx took him to a small pop up which had sprung out of nowhere in the marketplace. For a second, he saw Even’s face fall before he masked it. “This place has the best bone broth you’ve had in your life.”

“Are you… certain?” He flinched a little, in distaste. “It all seems a little… haphazard.”

Demyx laughed. “Even, Radiant Garden is haphazard.”

“...I suppose that’s a fair point. Fine. Well, it’s your dime, why should I care?”

They got their soup and sat at one of the tables the stall had set up. This time of day, there weren’t too many people out and about--Demyx had done it that way deliberately--and yet Even seemed a bit jumpy.

“I suppose this is the sort of thing you and Ienzo get up to?” Even asked.

“Yeah. He’s actually been into trying new things.”

“Good. It’d be good for him. You too, I suppose. Then again you were more worldly.”

Demyx snorted. “Yeah, right.”

Even gestured vaguely with his chopsticks. “It’s true. You must’ve been thrown goodness-knows-where. Your tentative designation of reconnaissance lead wasn’t for nothing. You had to have adapted, otherwise you wouldn’t be sitting across from me. That boy? Even in the Organization days, good luck prying him away from those books. And now it’s that cursed gummiphone.”

“I dunno. I think they’re useful. How do you think I get my calls? Probably lifesaving, compared to how it used to be.”

“Oh, I never said it wasn’t handy. But it’s murder on the eyes.”

“...Yeah, I think I’m probably going to need glasses at some point. It’s not that bad yet.” Demyx noted with relief that he was eating steadily. “...What was he like, as a kid?”

“...Oh, not quite like anything I’ve ever seen,” Even said, with a small smile. “Brilliant beyond compare--but you know this. On the other hand… inquisitive and stubborn to a fault. The boy was constantly underfoot. Not much interested in playing. Loved to disappear at the worst possible times. I’d found him wandering on his own when the Unversed were still in full swing; he nearly gave me a heart attack more than once, especially considering how his parents passed. He’s quite a lot like my son, independent to a fault.”

Demyx froze. “You mean he is your son, right? Like adoptive?”

Even seemed startled as well. “I… did have a biological child, once upon a time,” he admitted.

He blinked. “ Really ?”

“Why else would Ansem entrust his care to me?”

“I mean, I just…” Demyx was flabbergasted. “You?”

“I’m confused. What about this is surprising?”

“I’ve known you for years and this is the first time I’ve ever heard about this--from anyone.”

Even seemed to go far away. “It’s not something I broadcast,” he said. “As I said, I do not seek pity.”

Demyx felt the wave of sadness. “...He didn’t make it,” he said.

“No,” he admitted slowly. “When he was about five years old, there was… an accident in my home.” His voice went somewhere else, took on a distance Demyx had never heard. “An explosion due to electrical failure--rather ironic, considering my own death. Both he and my spouse were… immolated. I was told it was relatively instant.”

“I’m sorry.” He hadn’t known Even was once married, either. It was an odd thought, to imagine him in love; then again, tragedy and trauma would harden anyone, and they’d both taken their fair share of it.

Even shrugged. “It is something I’ve grieved since--rather, trying to.”

“...I never knew.”

Even sipped at the broth. “Events that made it all the easier to slip into work… to push people away. Cauterized by time… and darkness.”

“Thanks for telling me.”

“Let me tell Ienzo in my own time, if it’s all the same,” Even said. “He and I… there’s love, but also bad blood.”

Demyx was a bit shaken. A lot of their past was making much more sense--but at the same time, if Even knew how it felt to lose a child, how could he justify what he’d done to Ienzo? Had he been hardened by then already? Or had he been he trying to spare Ienzo pain?

“...Are you put off by your lunch?” Even asked gently.

“No… just thinking.”

“...Hard work, I imagine.”

Demyx gladly took the way out. “Always.”

---

After that, they headed home.

“I feel like a hermit,” Even admitted. “That small amount of stimuli, and I feel frazzled.”

“You have to get out more.”

“Well, perhaps some other time you can tell me your woes, and not the other way around,” he said dryly.

“Uh… maybe. But can I ask you--”

“Yes?”

“Your… arm, when I healed it. Those scars. Are you okay?”

Even’s expression went blank.

Demyx took a quick breath. “I’m sorry. It’s obviously none of my business.” He waited for the shoe to drop.

Even chuckled a little. “Haven’t you your own stories to tell?” He gestured vaguely towards Demyx’s torso. “I’ve seen them. They can’t all be from Sora, brutish as he is.”

Demyx realized he’d grasped at the scars, and made his arm fall. “Well, no. Even when I was a kid, I was never… much good at fighting.” He couldn’t make eye contact. “Turns out scars don’t grow very well.”

Even sighed. “No,” he conceded.

There were a few moments of silence, and they both pretended to look over the postern railing at the town.

Even tugged at the collar of his shirt. “I am not… unfamiliar, with such infighting,” he said. The words seemed to hurt as they came out; his lip curled. “I suppose, in a way, we are both victim to a cause we were once loyal to.”

Demyx wanted to ask him what he meant, but he knew this was already hard for Even to admit. “I guess so.”

“I presume this happened during the war?”

“And before that.”

“I find myself feeling the ripples.” He leaned heavily against the railing. “Becoming Vexen again just put off the inevitable. Only very recently have I allowed myself to change, to process. I’m not sure which is worse; feeling everything at once, or coming into it slowly.”

“I’d say both blow.”

“...Indeed.”

Demyx looked at him. In the bright wintery light, he could see more clearly the gray in Even’s hair. “Do you feel… more human?”

He considered this. “There’s no way to… concretely qualify this, which is frustrating, to say the least.”

“I don’t care about the science.”

He smiled for just a second. “You never did.” He took a breath, then hesitated. “That night Ienzo came to me--”

Demyx blinked. “When?”

“Oh, this was months ago now--back when he was still working on the garden. He was more upset than I’d ever seen him, and you know how distressed he must be to physically show it. We spoke… well, we spoke of how I betrayed him.”

He frowned. “You mean with Ansem and the realm of darkness?”

“Amongst other things.” He ran his finger along the railing, disrupting the thin vein of frost. “I did my best to console him. But after he left--” Even cut himself off.

After a moment, Demyx prompted, “After he left?”

“I felt such a pain like I’ve never felt before.” He touched his chest. “For a moment, I was certain my time had come, but then, there was just… I hesitate to call it wholeness, because I hardly feel stable. Less of an absence, I suppose.”

A faint breeze brought up the smell of woodsmoke. “...Your heart,” Demyx said. “Why didn’t you say anything?” He blinked. “That’s why you asked me about my memories. You wanted to know if feeling like that was normal.”

“I am… not quite so clever as of late.”

“Sorry… I feel like a real jerk now.”

“You couldn’t have known.” He looked at his palms, pale in the cold air. “I was hoping humanity would give me clarity. But here I am. I feel more a shell than ever.”

He took a deep breath. “I know what you mean. I still feel that way sometimes. Psychological consequences, you know.”

“Indeed.” Even rubbed his arms briefly. “Do these things improve?”

Demyx bit his lip. “I’d like to say, yeah they do, but… I don’t know, Even. It’s what you make of it.”

“...I see.” He straightened up a little. “Best shore up, then. No use wasting more time wallowing.”

“I guess not. If you ever…” He hesitated. “If you ever want to… talk about it, I’m here.”

“Does debasing oneself so really help?”

“Yes. It does.”

Even stared at him for a long moment. “Alright,” he said. “You’ve been right about… far too much lately.”

“Turns out I’m not so bad about this human crap.” Demyx took his hand and squeezed it gently. “Let’s go inside. It’s freezing.”

#beyond this existence: new life #demyx #even (kingdom hearts)#beyond this existence

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