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actual-cryptid-leshy · 7 years

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The sky’s gonna hurt when it falls

Jeremy doesn’t keep many secrets, but maybe he’s gone a bit too far with this one. It’s totally fine though, really! He just has to lie a little more, and then it’ll all be fine again. He just has to show his friends why he loves theatre so much, and then they won’t all leave him when he tells them he’s been keeping it from them for basically their whole friendship! Haha. Yeah…

Jeremy wants to be in the school musical (true), because he wants to get to know Christine (also technically true). Because he has a crush on her (not true)

Word count: 33.5k

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Jermey Heere has a fool-fucking-proof plan.

Well okay, it’s a Jeremy-proof plan, and he’s the biggest idiot he knows, so same thing. No he’s being too harsh on himself again. He’s not that incompetent. He can do this. Definitely maybe. Anyway the point is that it’s a pretty solid plan, and if he follows it everything will be okay. Most likely. Probably. Oh fucking hell who’s he kidding this is gonna end terribly, but he’s sort of stuck with it now.

It started when he said he had a crush on Christine. Wait no it started when he needed an excuse to be in the musical. Actually it probably started the day Mr. Reyes said that they were gonna hold auditions for Heathers The Musical in three weeks. Yup that seems about right. The announcement had come over lunch one crisp September morning and it had marked the beginning of something, or maybe the end. Jeremy isn’t sure yet. He was seated at the usual table, Michael to his left like always, Brooke on his right for a change. Jenna usually sat at his right, but she was on the other side of the table talking Chloes ear off. Not that it looked like Chloe minded, because apparently this was some grade A Gossip-with-a-capital-G. Rich sat next to Michael, and across from Jake. The two were talking about The Game. Jeremy was assuming it was a football game, but he couldn’t be sure, no matter what sport the two talked about it always sounded the same. But it was nice seeing how enthusiastic they were. He was about to add something to the conversation Brooke and Michael had started up about Wonder Woman when Mr. Reyes had coughed loudly into the overhead system, making most of the people in the cafeteria wince.

‘’The drama department would like to announce that this years production is going to be Heathers, that is The Musical. Auditions will be held September 26th. Lines and songs for auditions can be picked up at my office at regular hours, a sign up sheet will be posted on the noticeboard within the week. Have a nice day.’’ and then the system went quiet, and so did everything in Jeremys head. Heathers. They were gonna do Heathers. He’s doomed.

There’s not much Jeremy doesn’t tell his friends, and even less he doesn’t tell Michael, but there are two very big secrets that he has never told a living soul. One of them is that he’s a fucking theatre geek. It hadn’t started as a secret, just something he was a little bit embarrassed to admit to anyone, but then his obsession grew and he still didn’t tell anyone and now it just feels like a big secret even though it might not be that important. It feels important. It feels like his friends are gonna be angry if he tells them now. Either because he’s a nerd or because he kept it from them for so long or maybe even both. It’s irrational, he knows. He never meant for it to build up into this huge thing, but he certainly never planned on telling them either, so make what you want of that. He had a plan. He was gonna ignore it until high school was over, and then he was gonna do…something. Probably either tell them or like gradually open up about liking show tunes or something. Except now there was a wrench in his plans. A Heathers shaped wrench. See, Heathers is Jeremys favorite musical, go figure. He’s wanted to try and be JD in a production for a long while now, and here was his chance. Who knows when he’ll get another opportunity like this? Freeze your brain starts playing on repeat in his head as he watches Michael sip the slushie he got from the 7/11 around the corner, and his heart clenches almost painfully. He’s kept this secret not only form his friends, but also his Best Friend, for a long while now. He’s almost scared. But maybe this can be it? Maybe he can use this to show them how amazing theatre is? God he hopes that’s how it’s gonna work out. At least he can change his name and run away to Seattle if he needs to. He laughs to himself at the reference, and notices Brooke and Michael staring at him. ‘’What?’’

‘’You’re spacing out dude, you okay?’’ Michael asks, a touch of concern in his voice. Brooke nods her head on the other side of him, her hair gently flowing with the motion.

‘’Yeah I’m fine, what were you guys talking about?’’ Jeremy answers. Michael giver him a look that very clearly says he doesn’t believe him, and they will talk about this later. But for now he simply launches back into the debate Brooke and him were having about which Wonder Woman outfit was the coolest.

‘’I mean the movie version is very clearly inspired by actual armor, it’s the most practical and it still stays true to the original design!’’ Brooke argues, and Jeremy nods along. ‘’Okay yes but the original comic book one is iconic, it’s the basis for what we know and love today, and the movie armor wouldn’t have the stylish look if it weren’t for the original.’’ Michael counters. He’s a sucker for source material, even though he can accept the faults of earlier versions of things he likes.

‘’I hear you both,’’ Jeremy says diplomatically.

‘’but also consider issue #209 when she fights Medusa.’’ The other two look scandalized.

‘’Those shoes were terrible!’’ Michael declares.

‘’That wasn’t even close to real armor.’’ Brooke huffs at the same time.

‘’I see my diplomatic skills are unwanted, and will take my leave.’’ Jeremy makes as if to stand up, but the two latch onto one arm each.

‘’You’re not going anywhere until we discuss your terrible taste.’’ Brooke says, a smile tugging at her lips. Michael isn’t as good at schooling his features, and is full on grinning as Jermey gets comfortable in his seat again.

‘’Yeah dude, the movie outfit is way better than that one. Like yeah it’s cool, i mean it’s Wonder Woman, but no. Story 10 outta 10, outfit a solid 4.5.’’ He says, looking to Brooke who nods.

‘’Yeah, I mean I’d have to admit i prefer the original outfit to that glorified monstrosity. I never understood why they always felt like plastering an entire gold eagle on her boobs, Seems inconvenient for fighting.’’ Michael is nodding along sagely.

‘’Peace at last!’’ Jeremy exclaims, and they both punch him in the arm as the three of them descend into giggles. The bell rings, signaling the end of lunch.

Jeremy has almost forgotten about the musical as he heads to Michaels car. He can see him leaning against the drivers door, headphones on and eyes closed, bobbing his head to a beat. It’s such a familiar and comforting sight that warmth blooms in his chest just by seeing it. And then Michael opens his eyes and sees him, a small but bright smile stretching across his face and the warmth increases tenfold. Jeremy raises the hand not clutching the strap of his backpack to wave, even though he’s only about five cars away. ‘’Michael!’’ he shouts happily, as if he hand’t seen him next to last period. Michaels smile widens a bit and he lowers his headphones to the customary position around his neck.

‘’Hey dude! Ready for some Zombie ass kicking?’’ Michael asks, as if the answer isn’t obvious.

‘’With you? Always.’’ Jeremy says with cheer in his voice as he gets into the passenger side of the car. The stereo is on and blasting some sort of punk, Michael leans over to turn the volume down, the bass line rumbling trough the car.

‘’So, are you going to Richs’ party?’’ Michael asks, eyes on the road. Jeremy consider it for a bit. Rich throws some cool parties, but they tend to be loud, and crowded, and usually something breaks.

‘’Maybe, depends on how I’m doing I guess. You?’’ Jeremy is looking directly at Michael, staring really, because he knows Michael will keep his eyes on the road anyway.

‘’I mean if you go I’ll go. No offense to any of our friends, but i don’t really like drunk people, so you’re really the only one worth hanging around at parties.’’ Something in Jeremys chest tightens again.

‘’I’m not the only sober one at parties though, you know Jenna doesn’t drink, and Chloe goes light on her booze too.’’ He counters, he doesn’t know why, but he just needs to hear what Michael will say next.

‘’Yeah, but they’re not you.’’ Oh, okay yeah, good answer. He’s glad he asked after all.

They finally turn onto the street the two of them live on, and Michael parks his car in front of his house. It’s a quick hello to his moms before they both disappear into the basement. They throw their bags by the bottom of the stairs and collapse into their respective beanbags.

‘’Okay so I’ve given it some thought and i genuinely believe we can just ignore the first dude and just go.’’ Michael says as he boots up the game. Blood dripping letters appear on the screen as the scream track plays something that the game developers must have thought of as ‘bloodcurdling’.

‘’Really? He doesn’t like come after us or anything?’’ Jeremy asks almost disbelievingly. He watches as Michael selects their save. Level 9.

‘’Yeah I tested it out briefly, if we just push past him he’s gone.’’ Michael confirms, pressing start. The level music for The Cafetorium leaks trough the speakers. Tinny and 8bit, and Jeremy is pretty sure he’s never gonna get that melody out of his head after how many times he’s heard it on repeat just trying to beat this god damned level.

‘’Alright dude, let’s go!’’ Michael whoops, as if it’s the two of them actually gearing up to mad dash by a raving lunatic.

‘’Right behind you!’’ Jeremy yells back, and then they exit the double doors right behind the pixelated avatar of their enemy. The first wave of zombies rushes them, but they’re prepared.

The musical doesn’t really enter Jeremys head again until he’s back home. His dad was sat on the sofa, pants-less of course, and had ignored him as he trekked up to his own room. Lying in bed he puts his headset on, he doesn’t use it as often as Michael uses his, but it’s still important to him. He puts his music on shuffle, and almost like a sign ‘I am damaged’ starts playing. He listens to JD beg Veronica to back away. He can picture the scene in his head. The song is only one and a half minutes long, but he feels the explosion at the end reverberating inside his skull. He gets up and skips ahead until ‘freeze your brain’ comes on, and then he lip syncs the entire number as he envisions himself strolling trough a stage set up of 7/11. With each pretend word he sings he feels his courage build, until he forgets to only pretend to sing. He can’t really hear himself over the music in his ears, but he feels the sound in his throat as he sings the words.

Freeze your brain

Shatter your skull

Fight pain with more pain

Forget who you are

Unburden your load

‘’JEREMY!’’ he hears his dad shout from downstairs. He pauses the music, pulls the headphones off.

‘’Sorry dad!’’ He shouts back, listens as his dad walks away from the staircase and back to the sofa. Jeremy sighs and looks at himself in the full length mirror on his closet door. He doesn’t really look like a JD. He’s skinny, gangly, eyes too big and face too…awkward. He opens his closet and pulls something out from the very back. It’s a very long very black something. He slips the trench coat on, flips the collar up, stuffs his hands in his pockets. Tries to look vaguely threatening. It doesn’t really work, so he tries for angry. Nope, still no good. He tries to make his face a blank mask, and for a second he thinks he has something, and he breaks into a grin from the joy of it. Oh wait. He sighs, runs his hands trough his hair, messing it up. He’s really thinking about doing this. Maybe he can just lie to his friends? Pretend he’s doing something else? But no that wouldn’t work. Plus he doesn’t feel too comfortable lying even more to his friends.

His mind drifts for a bit. Remembers last years performance of Romeo and Juliet. They’d all gone to see it together, just because. Supporting your local actors or whatever. Christine had been an amazing Juliet. He’s pretty sure he saw Jake cry when she killed herself at the end. Christine is an amazing person overall, she has such endless enthusiasm for theatre. Actually she has it for just about everything she does. Jeremy has kinda admired that about her since freshman year. And maybe secretly wanted to be her friend too. He’s just…way too awkward to make friends. Honestly? He’s only part of the friend group he is in now because of Michael. He’s known Michael since kindergarten, but Michael befriended Rich, and Rich brought along Jake, and Jake used to date Chloe but they’re friends now, and Chloe brought along Brooke and Jenna, and here they are. Somehow they all get along, and it’s nice. They’re all different, but they mesh in different ways and it’s pretty great. His mind drifts back to Christine again, and it hits him.

The Perfect Plan.

It’s Wednesday, and the audition sign up sheet is on the noticeboard. I repeat, the audition sign up sheet is on the noticeboard. Jeremy had seen it as he headed into lunch that day, and he couldn’t get it out of his head. He’d briefly glanced at the names already written, and he had seen Christines. It was the only one written in glitter gel pen. God that’s adorable. It takes Michael three tries to get Jeremy to notice him, so he’s already suspicious when Jeremy makes his way over and sits down next to him. He’s the third to arrive, Michael and Rich have History together.

‘’Dude, you’ve been totally spaced this week. Everything okay?’’ Michael asks, there’s concern in his voice and his eyes, and Jeremy feels so lucky. Michael is the best friend anyone could ask for, especially Jeremy. He knows Michael is asking about a lot of different things with that question alone.

‘’I’ve just been thinking about something, I’ll tell you when the others get here.’’ Michael raises an eyebrow, but drops it all the same. Best friend ever.

It doesn’t take long for the rest to show up, and Jeremy has to keep himself from laughing as Michael fidgets. Obviously anxious for Jeremy to share what he’s been keeping to himself for three days straight. That’s a long time for Jeremy to keep a lid on something in his book.

‘’So…’’ Jeremy starts, before the different conversations within the group really have a chance to begin. They all look at him, noticing that he wants their attention. They’re good friends, he finds himself thinking again.

‘’I’ve been thinking about joining the musical this year.’’ he says, feeling his confidence and his voice slowly draining away as they look at him. Maybe this was a bad idea after all.

‘’Really?’’ Chloe asks in that Voice, and he knows she doesn’t mean it like that but it’s a blow to his confidence all the same.

‘’Yeah I-I uh, I’ve kinda been uhm… c-c-crushing on Christine for a while.’’ he admits softly, staring at the table now instead of meeting anyones eyes. He misses the look that passes between them.

‘’And she uh, s-she always… participates? In productions?’’ he glances up, he can feel his face heat up and he’s pretty sure he matches the shade of Michaels hoodie at this point. Hiding his face in said hoodie sounds like a very good option right about now, but he soldiers on.

‘’I f-figured I could get to, like, know her? And maybe ask her out?’’ he glances over at Michael, and for a split second he doesn’t know what to feel, because Michaels face has an expression that he’s never seen before. It feels like someone has ripped the floorboards out from underneath him, and he’s falling and floating at the same time, in uncharted void, as he holds Michael stare for a second. Then Michael gives him a reassuring smile, and he’s dumped back into his body, moment over. He glances around at the rest of their friends, and they’re all wearing something similar. Encouraging. Friendly. Jeremy feels his shoulders sink from where they’d hunched up around his ears, tension easing away.

‘’Go for it dude!’’ Michael says, and it’s as if he has given the signal, because suddenly they’re all encouraging him. Not to be in the musical, but to go after Christine. It’s alright, he thinks, but he can’t help the slight stab of sadness in his gut. The encouragement is nice though, even if it’s for the most untrue part of this plan.

At the end of lunch Michael follows him to the notice board, watches as Jeremy pulls out a green sharpie and hovers the tip over the next blank line. Jeremy hesitates. Michael notices.

‘’Even if you don’t get a part, you can probably talk to her during auditions, or even bond over the experience. Either way it’ll be fine dude.’’ Michael places a hand on Jeremys shoulder, it’s warm trough the thin fabric of his cardigan, and he feels the warmth seep into his bones, calming him. He takes a deep fortifying breath, and writes his name, followed by the part he’s auditioning for. Michael reads over his shoulder. ‘’JD? Isn’t he like, the main character?’’ Jeremy stiffens a bit.

‘’U-uh yeah, I figured Christine would be Veronica, so why not?’’ he can’t look Michael in the eyes as he says it, looks at the wall instead. He feels something bad and rotten in his stomach. He really doesn’t like lying to his friends, but he consoles himself that it’ll all be over after this. He’ll come clean. It doesn’t really make him feel much better.

‘’Do you want me to come watch your audition, for y’know, moral support?’’ Michael offers, and it’s a sweet thought, really.

‘’No!’’ Jeremy answers way too quickly. He clears his throat, tries again.

‘’No, it’s fine, really. I think I’d be more nervous with you there actually.’’ he mutters, looking up at Michael quick enough to catch the slightly hurt expression. He backtracks like a pro.

‘’N-not that it’s a bad thing or anything, it’s just that I’d be way more worried about messing up in front of you since you’re my best friend and stuff.’’ he rushes trough the sentence in one breath, eyes darting to the wall and back to Michaels face again. Michael has a slight smile, and worried eyes. He slings one arm around Jeremys shoulders, and it’s one of the few instances Jeremy appreciates being a few inches shorter than Michael. It feels safe, reassuring.

‘’It’s cool, dude. I get it.’’ Michael says lightly, in a tone that means he really does get it. It makes Jeremy relax instantly, almost melting into Michaels warm side. He could stay there forever, probably. Tucked away from the world, surrounded by the smell of the basement that’s ingrained itself in every piece of clothing Michael owns. the bell rings, completely shattering the moment. Jeremy is going to kill that bell one day, he swears it.

‘’Time for class, let’s go to hell.’’ Michael says as he steers them towards their shared math class. The only bearable thing in math class is Michael, Jeremy thinks bitterly, but allows himself to be roped along.

They head back to Michaels after school, as is customary, but this time the rest of the gang tags along. Michael and Jeremy have been complaining about Apocalypse of the Damned for what feels like forever, and they wanna see what it’s all about. It’s not the first time they’ve had gaming sessions like this at Michaels. They’ve had some intense game-night-turned-game-weekend sessions. Michaels mother greet them all as they enter, his other mom is still at work.

‘’Want me to bring you kids some snacks?’’ she asks, and Michael bounds over to kiss her on the cheek.

‘’Yes please and thank you, Ina!’’ he chirps. There’s a chorus of ‘Thank you Mrs. Mell’ from the rest of the teens as they all make their way down the dark stairway.

‘’One day someone is gonna trip and die on these stairs.’’ Rich says, like he does every time he has to walk down the steps in the dark. Nobody really pays him any mind. When they’ve all made it down safely, the extra beanbag is pulled up next to the other two, and the small sofa is shoved up behind them. Michael and Jeremy take up their usual spaces. Jeremy on the far right, Michael in the middle, and then Rich plops down on the far left one. Jenna curls up in the right corner of the sofa, Brooke and Chloe cuddle up in the middle, and Jake lounges on the left side. The seating is gonna get scrambled as soon as they start switching seats to give the others a go, but it starts like this. Michael boots up them game, finds the level 9 save file, and Jeremy feels like he’s going insane as soon as the first few notes of music hits his ears. Without further ado they push past the first guy, bursting trough the double doors at the back. The first wave of zombies hit them, and they both duck for cover behind upturned tables.

‘’Cover!’’ Michael shouts as he spots the opening in the wave pattern, advancing as Jeremy shoots down the zombies that get too close. Michaels pixelated avatar crouches behind another table, a small box right next to it. He selects it and adds the grenades to his inventory. In the meantime Jeremys character has jumped behind the counter, and armed itself with a knife. As Jeremy makes his way back to where Michaels avatar is, with some helpful cover fire, they wait for the opening. Jeremy spots where the mass of approaching zombies is the thinnest first.

‘’Upper level!’’ he says, and Michael responds with a simple ‘’I see it.’’ Michael launches a grenade and the wave opens. ‘’Dash!’’ he yells, doing just that. Jeremy takes up the rear, making sure the wave doesn’t close in around them from the back, while Michael keeps it open in the front as they advance. The game progresses like this, the two of them only communicating in short words, but otherwise knowing exactly where they need to be. The others are at the edges of their seats. It’s not a terribly exciting game, but it’s an experience watching the two of them play it together.

‘’Shit!’’ Michael swears, as he accidentally makes his avatar go the way jeremys was supposed to go. They’ve played it a lot of times, and Jeremy is the one who’s most used to dealing with this part of the level. He notices, of course.

‘’Switch.’’ Jeremy says, and almost as quick as lightning the two of them switch controllers, leaving Michael free to go where he needs to, and Jeremy to take care of the area Michael had wandered into.

They almost make it. Michael lets out a dramatic ‘Jeremyyyyyy!’ as his avatar crumples to the ground in a pixelated heap. Jeremy croaks in his best death rattle,

‘’It’s up to you now Mikey, you’ve gotta go on.’’ and go on he does. He fights valiantly, and gets further than the two ever did before. He can see what he thinks might be the exit, and also the end of the level, but before he reaches it the final wave overpowers him.

‘’This one’s for Miah.’’ he says in his best action hero-y voice as he sets off the final grenade, taking down almost all of the zombies surrounding him, and his own avatar. The other laugh and whoop and start a small fight over who gets to go next. Michael hands his controller to Rich, and gets up to switch places with Jake. Jeremy gives Jake his controller as he sits down. Michael curls up on the sofa and watches the blue light form a halo around Jeremys fluffy hair. He sighs, and Brooke catches his eye and lifts one perfectly shaped eyebrow. He shrugs her look off, goes back to watching Rich and Jake get overrun by zombies, and trying not to back seat game. When they’ve died five times in a row Chloe gets up and stands next to Jeremy until he gets then hint. Jeremy gets up and plops down in the open space next to Michael while Chloe demands that Jake hands over the controller, citing that he’s obviously the weaker link. Jeremy feels tired, he’s been stressing about a lot of things lately, so he does what feels natural. Which of course is lean on Michael to get comfortable and then promptly fall asleep. He vaguely feels Michael wrap an arm around him before he’s completely gone. It’s warm, safe, and smells a little bit like weed. Not that he minds. It’s come to the point where weed literally just reminds him of Michael.

‘’Nap time?’’ he hears Michaels voice, far away. It sounds lower than usual, as if he’s whispering. Jeremy faintly feels the breath of the words ghost across his cheek. He nods slowly, effectively smooshing his face further into Michaels hoodie, making the other laugh a little. A hand settles in his hair, and then he’s out like a light.

September 26th approaches with a vengeance, and Jeremy feels like he’s gonna explode from the nerves. Sure he’s excited, there are butterflies in what feels like every little nook and cranny of his body, even his fingertips are tingling with it. But oh god the crushing feeling of impending doom isn’t something he can easily ignore. His friends notice it all throughout the day, from his fidgeting in class to the way he keeps spacing out trying to get to his next one. When lunch rolls around Jeremy is the first one seated at their table, he looks like a statue, body and face frozen in a neutral pose. It’s worrying, to say the least.

‘’Heyyyy buddy!’’ Rich says as he plops down i the seat on Jeremys right.

‘’How’s it hanging?’’ Michael adds on as he settles in on the left. Jeremys hands are shaking where they rest on the table, but doesn’t acknowledge their arrival. Michael and Rich share a concerned look as the others settle in around them. Brooke leans over from her seat across from Jeremy to cover his hands with hers. His head snaps up to look at her, as if he just realized they were all there.

‘’You know you can back out, right? You can find another way to talk to Christine I’m sure.’’ she offers him, her tone is reassuring, aiming for comforting. Jenna joins in from Brookes right,

‘’Yeah Jerm, we could even talk to her for you. This is like, really stressing you out.’’

He appreciates the effort, but it’s all aimed at the wrong thing so he can’t really find solace in what they’re telling him. He takes a deep breath, trying to get his voice under control.

‘’I’m mostly just sc-cared of making a f-fool out of myself. What if I do a terrible job? What if I’m not a convincing JD? What if my voice cracks when I sing?’’ he’s shooting off rapid-fire what-ifs and Michael decides he needs to put a stop to this.

‘’Jerbear, look at me.’’ he cuts in. Jeremy snaps his mouth shut, whips his head around to look at Michael.

‘’You’ll do fine, you’ve been reading like crazy, and don’t think I haven’t caught on to the song you’ve been humming for the past week and a half. You’re gonna go in there, you’re gonna do your thing, and it’ll be great.’’ Michaels warm brown eyes are deep, and looking like they’re begging for Jeremy to calm down. So he does. His shoulders sag as the tension in his body releases, his hands uncurling. Brookes hands are still holding onto his, and they’re warm and nice. A lot warmer than his are, that’s for sure. Also a lot less clammy. Ew.

‘’Are you sure you don’t want us to come as moral support?’’ Rich asks for what feels like the 100th time. They’ve all offered, and Jeremy has declined each time, just as he’s doing now.

‘’Yeah, no. I really appreciate the gesture, but if I know you’re watching I’ll just get more nervous.’’

They can sense that he’d rather leave it alone for now, so that’s what they do. Lunch passes relatively quiet for the otherwise rowdy bunch.

‘’I’m just saying, he said he’d be nervous if he KNEW we were there, so if he doesn’t know it’ll be fine, right?’’ Jake argues. Rich is by his side, nodding enthusiastically.

‘’What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right?’’ Brooke adds on carefully.

‘’We’re still going behind his back, doing something he doesn’t want us to do!’’ Michael argues.

‘’As his friends we really should respect what he wants.’’ Jenna says, flanking Michael. The two stare down Jake and Rich as Brooke and Chloe keep to the sidelines, holding hands.

‘’If we keep arguing about this we’re gonna miss it!’’ Rich almost yells. They’ve been periodically peeking in trough the side door, to the annoyance of some of the people close by, trying to keep track of where Jeremy is in the lineup. As Jake peeks in once more he suddenly snaps to attention.

‘’It’s his turn!’’ he whisper-yells excitedly. He’d caught Jeremy introducing himself, he was gonna start singing soon! Michael steps in front of the door.

‘’I’m not letting you do this.’’ he says as he adopts a defensive stance. They all know it’ll create too much of a commotion if they were to try and get past Michael. Something in Richs eyes flash, and then he grabs Jakes arm and runs for the staircase. The others stare after them in confusion before Chloe realizes where they’re headed.

‘’The back entrance!’’ she yells, taking off after them and dragging Brooke behind her. Michael and Jenna are quick to follow. They catch sight of Rich and Jake right as they sneak in trough the door, and hurry to follow them as quietly as they can.

‘’Don’t open a veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeein!’’ Jeremy sings from the stage, and they freeze. Sure, they’ve all heard him sing before, but nothing like this. His voice is raw with emotion, lifting and falling, his eyebrows are drawn and he stares across the empty auditorium as if he isn’t really seeing it but is still looking for an answer somewhere out there. Michael feels like those eyes are staring into the very core of his soul. His voice grows softer.

‘’Just freeeeeze your braaaaaaiiiin. Freeeeze your braaiiiiiiin. Go on and freeeeze your braaaiiiin.’’

The music cuts out suddenly, and Jeremy is left standing there. Wholly himself again and flushed with nerves. He says thank you and leaves the stage.

It had all been over in a flash for Jeremy. He’d gone up there, stomach protesting and hands cold and clammy. Then the music started and he fell into the well practiced words with ease. Let the music carry him and tell him who and where to be. It’s over before he registers the tightness in his chest. As if the music had dragged his voice out of him before his nerves could protest. He’s not sure if he did good or bad, can barely remember how he’d moved while he’d been singing those words. It was almost like back home, just singing because he liked it, letting the music carry him away. He steps off the stage with legs that feel like they’re gonna give out from under him any second, and thus stumbles into Christine. He’d watched as she’d delivered the section from the opening number as Veronica, and of course she had been perfect. She reaches out and steadies him, the next one in the lineup steps past them to go on stage.

‘’Woah hey there, you okay?’’ she asks. He fights with the lump in his throat, trying to force words out instead of weird grunting noises.

‘’U-u-uh ye-yeah. Yeah. I’m fine. Fine. Totally fine. Peachy, even.’’ he tries for a smile, but it obviously doesn’t work from the look on her face.

‘’Why don’t we go sit over there?’’ She points to a few seats off to the side, and he nods dumbly. She leads him over, guides him to sit in the chair before taking the one next to him. She doesn’t let go of his arm.

‘’You were amazing.’’ she says finally, and he chokes on air.

‘’Th-thank you. You too. Amazing. I’m pretty sure you’re gonna get the part.’’ he says once he can breathe somewhat normal again. She blushes and smiles. Geez that smile is brighter than the stage lights. It looks good on her.

‘’Thanks, I’m pretty sure you’ll get JD too actually.’’ and yup he’s out again.

‘’I don’t know about that. This is literally the first time I’ve auditioned for anything. I barely remember even going up there.’’ he says in a soft voice. She stares at him, almost as if in disbelief.

‘’That was your first? Oh my gosh! That’s so cool!’’ She says brightly, volume rising, and that smile is back and he’s pretty sure he’s gonna be blind by the time he’s introduced himself properly. Oh right, introductions.

‘’I’m Jeremy.’’ he says without any preamble, because that’s what his brain has decided on apparently.

‘’I’m Christine! Nice to meet you!’’ she answers anyway, volume increasing once again, because apparently she’s very used to dealing with weirdos. It wouldn’t surprise him really.

‘’My friends and I are gonna go get milkshakes after this, as a celebration I guess, wanna come with?’’ and hoo boy okay brain please slow down and check in once in a while before making him say things like that holy hell. This was not what he was planning but apparently he’s lost his god damned mind. Christine just smiles, her eyes crinkling and teeth pearly white.

‘’I’d love to!’’ she says, and this time someone does shush her.

The gang watches Christine grab Jeremys arm and lead him over to the chairs by the wall.

‘’Oh my god is he panicking? I can’t tell from here!’’ Brooke whisper-yells at the others. They all watch as the two of them talk, Christines smile never leaving, Jeremys face a bright red. And then the auditions are over and they’re getting up to leave.

‘’Shit we gotta go back!’’ Jake exclaims, clambering for the door. They’d promised Jeremy they’d wait outside the auditorium for him. The six of them rush out the back door and fly down the staircase, having just enough time to catch their breaths before Jeremy spots them trough the throng of students, he waves at them and as he comes closer they see Christine trailing behind him.

Holy.

Shit.

‘’H-hey guys.’’ he says as he gets within hearing range.

‘’I asked if Christine wanted to come with, is that c-cool?’’ his face is still very red. It takes a second for the question to register, and then they’re all clambering to reassure them both that yeah that’s totally fine and cool, the more the merrier. They all start heading towards the parking lot, Christine and Jeremy end up at the back of the group, and the others leave them be. Except they’re all totally listening in of course.

‘’I really loved you performance in Romeo and Juliet by the way. The way you handled the death scene was so good. I cried.’’ Jeremy says, and the others want to smack him upside the head. Yes he’d cried, but you don’t say that to someone. Except Christine doesn’t look too bothered about it, she looks…happy?

‘’Really? That’s such a huge compliment! Romeo and Juliet always moves me to tears when done right, to know that I managed to do the same is a great feeling!’’ her enthusiasm is never ending it seems, as she keeps up the conversation for the most part, Jeremy nodding and smiling, interjecting comments here and there. When they reach the parking lot they automatically split up, Rich and Jake heading to Jakes car, Brooke leading Chloe and Jenna to hers, which leaves Christine to follow Jeremy to Michaels car.

‘’It’s cool if she rides with us, right?’’ Jeremy asks Michael, and it’s probably the most at ease he’s sounded since he exited the auditorium. Michael doesn’t know how to feel about the fact that it’s probably because Jeremy is talking to him.

‘’Of course dude!’’ he turns to Christine to shoot her a grin, but she’s already beaten him to it. She opens the door to the backseat and sits in the middle, so she can lean forwards and be a part of any conversation going on in the front. Michael takes his seat behind the wheel and Jeremy claims shot gun as per usual. Michael briefly wonders if he should banish Jeremy to the backseat, so that he can sit next to Christine, but the thought doesn’t sit right with him so he leaves it be.

‘’How’d your auditions go?’’ Michael asks nonchalantly. Glancing at Christine in the rearview mirror, and then sideways at Jeremy.

‘’I-I don’t know dude, I don’t remember much between getting up there and practically stumbling off stage afterwards. It could have been worse?’’ Jeremy says in an unsure voice, switching between looking at the road ahead and looking at Michael. He’s about to respond when Christine cuts him off,

‘’Are you kidding me? You were the best JD candidate by far! You hit every note perfectly, and the level of emotion! Wow! You said this was your first audition? You handled it like a pro! Even though you seemed a bit nervous, but most people are during auditions anyway.’’ Christine rambles. Michael watches Jeremys face, which had recently reverted to a somewhat normal hue, flare back into brilliant red. His hands creep up and up until he’s covering his eyes, and then he wraps his arms around his head as if he’s trying to hide.

‘’I think you broke him.’’ Michael says with a laugh catching Christines eye in the mirror, she looks worried.

‘’It’s fine, if he was as good as you say, he deserves all the praise.’’ Michael amends, lifting one hand off of the steering wheel to ruffle Jeremys hair. Christine is beaming again, and Jeremy lowers his arms a bit before speaking up,

‘’You were amazing too, you know. You’d make the best Veronica for sure.’’ he doesn’t say much more, too embarrassed to go on, but Christine soaks up the praise nonetheless.

September makes way for October. Halloween is quickly approaching, and Jeremy has officially known Christine for about a month. She’s started sitting at their table, always next to Jeremy, always on his right side. Michael sits in his seat to Jeremeys left, and he doesn’t know how Christine knew that was the usual deal, but he’s glad he can keep sitting there without any uncomfortable confrontations. It’s a small piece of normal in what’s been an unusual month so far. Jeremy spends a lot of his free time practicing with Christine. This means he spends less time with his other friends. Oh sure the two of them join the group for stuff, but they always sort of keep to themselves a little. It’s like they’re seeing a new side of Jeremy. It’s sort of cute, seeing him blush and stumble over his words, like he did with all of them before he settled into his space within the group, until he got comfortable with them and started trusting them. But it’s also a bit…disconcerting in a way. They haven’t seen Jeremy this enthused over almost anything, except maybe video game night with Michael. It also doesn’t help that he’s become somewhat stagnant in his pursuit of Christine.

They see how she looks at him, she hangs onto every word and encourages him to open up, she latches onto his right arm (always the right arm) every time they hang out. It’s so obvious that she like him! Like, look at them right now;

‘’A-and then I-I started doing her lines instead of mine!’’ Jeremy admits to the table during his re-telling of last night rehearsal fiasco. His face is red, but he’s smiling, and there’s laughter in his voice. He’s so comfortable admitting to ding something wrong, it’s strange, because the Jeremy they know is so scared of failure.Always second guessing himself and worrying about what other people think. He worries a bit less that they’ll thing anything bad about him, but he had admitted once that even then he sometimes worries just because he can’t help it. Even though he logically knows that he doesn’t have to. So to see him like this, at ease with telling them about something embarrassing he did, Christine clothing his arm and laughing along with the story, interjecting a few comments from her perspective of the whole ordeal. It paints a strange, yet pleasant picture.

They’re good for each other, that much is plain for all to see. Christine used to hop lunch tables, not uncommon for someone with so many different interests, but it seems like it’s doing her some good with stable friendships. She’s been talking to the other girls a lot outside of school for instance. Connecting and sharing gossip, sharing tips and tricks for their daily lives. They’ve also found that while she isn’t that into video games she still likes watching them play, and she’s a blast to bring to the arcade. Watching her decimate previous high scores on the Dance Dance Revolution and karaoke machines is sight to behold. She looks so alive and happy with the neon lights illuminating her face, the cheers of support from the sidelines egging her on further than ever before. The Undefeated Queen of DDR is legendary.

Chatroom: F I G H T

AmericanDragon: hey hey hEYYYYY

AmericanDragon: HALLOWEEN PARTY CONFIRMED™

AmericanDragon: ur all comin no excuses

RichBich: hells yeah dude!

Player1: f yea

DDRqueen: I love halloween parties!!

MythicBinch: sure

GossipGirl: I’ll be there!

BeanieBabe: yay!!!! i’m gonna get my costume ready!!!!

Player2: nice!

AmericanDragon added RichBich, GossipGirl, BeanieBabe, MythicBinch and Player1 to the chat

AmericanDragon named chat ‘now kiss’

AmericanDragon: lets get our boy some ACTION

Player1: wtf jake

GossipGirl: What’s the plan?

AmericanDragon: good attitude

AmericanDragon: we’re gonna get jerms n chrissy together if its the last thing we do on halloween

BeanieBabe: but how???

MythicBinch: easy. truth or dare

Player1: remind me to never cross u

MythicBinch: do u even need a reminder?

Player1: good point

Player1: okay so we get drunk, we play truth or dare, then what? and isn’t this a bit juvenile?

AmericanDragon: nah this is perf!

RichBich: omfg yea totes, we dare him to tell her

Player1: that’s never gonna work dude, he’d just get mad at us

GossipGirl: We dare Chrissy to kiss Jerms, and then proceed from there?

RichBich: better plan okay fine i bow down in the dust for the power of Rolan

GosspiGirl: Finally, the respect I deserve

Player1: that might just work actually, let’s go

The party is in full swing that weekend. It’s mainly the gang and a few friends from their classes, but everyone is singing and drinking and dancing and having a good time. Jake is pretty sure he just saw Brooke dressed as the dog filter on snapchat, that’s fucking awesome. He wanders towards the kitchen and finds Christine talking to Jenna. She’s wearing a floor-length gown in deep purple, and she looks regal. Jenna is wearing a t-shirt that someone has written ‘COSTUME’ on in sharpie. It makes him chuckle. Christine catches his eye and she smiles, so he walks closer.

‘’So I said What the hell Michael Mell, and I didn’t even notice I was doing the rhyming thing too!’’ Jenna says and Christine bursts out laughing.

‘’Is that where it’s from? Jeremy says it all the time!’’ Christine says once she can breathe again. Jenna raises an eyebrow.

‘’He hasn’t told you? Doesn’t he talk about Michael?’’ Jenna asks, and Jake wants to shake her just a little bit. Jenna shoots him a glance as if she knows what he’s thinking, and telling him to let her do her thing. He swallows nervously.

‘’Oh all the time! It’s nice, they’ve been friends for so long so he has a lot of good stories.’’ Christine smiles, not a trace of jealousy in her expression. Jenna wants to frown. Christine is just too sweet for such a tactic.

‘’Speaking of Jeremy, you heard anything from him or Michael? They’re running late.’’ Jenna transitions smoothly. Christine looks expectantly at Jake.

‘’Nothing, I’ll text Jeremy. Michaels probably driving.’’ Jake says as he finds his phone.

To Jeremy:

yo dude where u guys at?

The phone in Jeremys pocket buzzes with the incoming text, but he doesn’t notice. He’s sitting in Michaels car, looking at Jakes front door, and not moving. He’s been like that for the past 5 minutes. Trying to convince himself that going in there won’t be the most horrible kind of torture he could put himself trough. It’s not working. He knows he’ll have a good time if he just goes. He always has a good time at Jakes parties, he always always has a good time with his friends, and lately also with Christine. And she’s in there too. The thought makes the weight in his stomach turn over nauseatingly. The thought of people looking at him is really no appealing though. He vaguely finds himself wishing he could just crawl into a deep dark abyss and never come back. Just disappear into nothingness so he doesn’t have to deal with everything.

‘’You ready?’’ Michael asks him. He’d said he needed a minute to prepare. And it’s true, sometimes he just needs to psyche himself up before social events like these. And then he goes out there and he’s fine and he has his friends if he’s not fine and it’s good. It’s all good.

It’s not working. Jeremy glances over and looks at Michaels expectant face. He doesn’t look too happy about this party either, but he hides it better than Jeremy, that’s for sure.

‘’I-I-I-I ca-a-an’t M-Mikey.’’ Jeremy stutters out. His hands are so cold. His skin feels like it’s too big and too tight, as if it’s been stretched over shapes it’s not supposed to cover. God he’s so uncomfortable. He closes his eyes, curls up in the passenger seat. Michael looks him over, then sighs.

‘’Wanna go home?’’ he asks, voice soft and understanding. He knows the feeling all too well himself. Jeremy peeks out at him, and the sight makes Michael a little sad. There’s so much tension in his posture, so much worry in his eyes. Michael has the urge to gather him up and tuck him away from the uncaring and unforgiving world Jeremy has built around himself.

‘’I’m sorry. You can drop me off and then come back.’’ he says in a tiny voice. Michaels heart breaks a little more.

‘’Nah dude, I’d rather hang with you.’’ Michael smiles, and starts the car before Jeremy can protest.

Chatroom: F I G H T

Player1: i’m taking miah home

RichBich: shot hopes he feels better soon!

RichBich: *shit

GosspiGirl: Send him our love!

BeanieBabe: <3 <3 <3 !!!

MythicBinch: <3

AmericanDragon: damn, keep him safe

Christine looks up from her phone as the messages stop appearing one after another. She looks over to Jenna quizzically, and when she catches her eye Jenna sighs.

‘’You’ve noticed that Jeremy gets nervous a lot, right?’’ she opens with, and Christine can only nod. Of course she knew, it wasn’t really something you could easily miss about the boy.

‘’Well he has like, social anxiety? It gets to him sometimes. Michael has it too, so he understands the best, and they usually take care of each other when it gets rough.’’ Jenna explains. Short and to the point. Christine is quick to unlock her phone again, pulling up the group chat.

DDRqueen: <3!!

The chat is a weird place for her sometimes. There are a lot of references she doesn’t get. Like why the chat is named ‘F I G H T’. Jeremy had mentioned it was left over from an argument they’d had about pastries ages ago, and then it had just stuck. But she enjoyed it nonetheless.

Then there are times like these when someone will say something and everyone has the same response and she’s left sitting in the dust until someone explains it to her. She’d admitted at one point that she felt a bit stupid when that happened, but they’d all quickly reassured her that it was fine. It was a lot of fun trying to explain the different things to her, and they wanted her to be able to join in of course, she was part of the group now! Sometimes she still felt like Jeremys tag along though. Like right now, she felt a little lost, adrift in a sea of people she doesn’t know all that well, with no Jeremy to tie her down. Oh well, she muses. No better time to get to know them better, right? She jumps back into animated conversation with Jenna and Jake.

When Jeremy gets home he collapses face first into his bed before clutching his pillow to his chest and curling up on his side, facing outwards. Michael puts the ‘Sad Chill’ playlist on from Jeremys laptop. The soft notes slowly fill the room, and Michael sits down with his back against the bed. While the circumstances aren’t ideal, it feels nice, being just the two of them again. Jeremys arm creeps out over the edge of the bed and dangles next to Michaels shoulder. He reaches up and grabs it, running his fingers over the knuckles and noting the way it’s slowly warming up. Jeremy sighs deeply, trying to melt into the welcoming softness of his bedsheets. Maybe if he could just disappear into the comforting softness it would all be better. The warm hand holding his isn’t too bad either.

‘’Wanna talk?’’ Michaels voice cuts into the music, but Jeremy doesn’t really mind. He likes Michaels voice.

‘’I’m sorry for stopping you from going to the part.’’ Jeremy says instead of a real answer. Michael squeezes his hand.

‘’Don’t apologize dude, it’s cool. You’d do the same for me.’’ Jeremy smiles slightly and tucks his face into the pillow.

‘’Yeah, I would.’’ is the muffled answer, but Michael still hears it, and it makes him smile. It’s the quickest way to get Jeremy to stop beating himself up over something like this. They both know Jermey would drop just about anything to come to Michaels aid, and vice versa. It’s a good feeling to be able to trust someone like that. Of course there are always things you just can’t drop, instances where just being there isn’t an option, but the good thing about friends is that they understand that too.

‘’You’re my favorite person, Mikey.’’ Jeremy says, and he sounds so very tired, and it’s adorable. It’s not the first time a half-asleep Jeremy has said something like that to him, but it doesn’t stop the way his stomach flutters, the way his fave heats up and a smile involuntarily stretches across his lips.

‘’You’re mine too, Miah. Now take a nap’’ he answers. The hand in his goes slack not soon after, breaths evening out. He doesn’t let go.

Chatroom: now kiss

RichBich: well thats that plan out the window

RichBich: any other suggestions?

Player1: i’m sorta happy we didn’t go trough with the plan, looking back it’s a terrible plan

GosspiGirl: How dare you

Player1: no i’m serious! it would be a hell of an uncommon sitch

Player1: we’ll just figure out something else

AmericanDragon: i’ve got an idea!

BeanieBabe:??

MythicBinch: jake?

RichBich: Where’d he go?

GosspiGirl: I see him, he’s talking to Chrissy

AmericanDragon: what??

Player1: well what he sayin?

GosspiGirl: idk hang on

Jake had made his way over to Christine with purpose in his step. She’d been hanging by the wall, taking a break from trying to interact with people, and didn’t notice Jake until he’d leaned up against the wall next to her. She turned her head and smiled at him, but before she could say anything he started speaking.

‘’Look, I need to tell you something.’’ he said it with the most serious tone she’d ever heard him use, and that put her on edge immediately.

‘’Jeremy joined the musical so he could ask you out, but we think he’s starting to doubt himself again, so as his friends we’re stepping in. We see the way you are together, and you’re good for each other. I mean, you like him, don’t you?’’ Jake looks at hr like he already knows the answer, as if she herself has admitted to him she’s completely gone for Jeremy Heere. She doesn’t answer him, only stares in stunned silence, feeling a stab of something run trough her stomach.

‘’Next week, Pinkberry? You guys could get lunch and just, i dunno, talk about stuff?’’ he looks like he’s not 100% sure where he’s going with this, which leaves Christine even more lost. Had Jake just asked her out, on behalf of Jeremy. All the new information turns over in her head slowly, before she nods at him, Her eyes tighten just a bit, her smile is forced for once. But he doesn’t know her well enough to spot it. If Jeremy was here he’d recognize the smile, the facial expression, but he’s not, so Jake is left to give her a relieved smile before he nods and heads off. HE’s immediately intercepted by Jenna.

‘’I can’t believe you just did that!’’ she almost shouts at him.

‘’Hey! It worked, didn’t it?’’ he says defensively.

‘’Wait, it did?’’ Jenna asks, her face morphing from rage to confusion in the blink of an eye.

‘’Totally!’’ Jake answers cheerfully, smiling from ear to ear.

‘’What worked, exactly?’’ Jenna asks, reproachful.

Chatroom: now kiss

GosspiGirl: JAKE WTF

MythicBinch: o shit rolan pulled out the caps, how much did he fuck up?

AmericanDragon: HEY

AmericanDragon: i thought i did good!

AmericanDragon: i got her to agree to go on a date with jerms next week!

BeanieBabe: !!!!!!!!!!!

MythicBinch: o dhit

Player1: YOU DID WHAT

MythicBinch: *shit

‘’I don’t care if it’s awkward for you to tell him! You did this! This situation is aallll cause a you, my dude. You get to figure it out yourself.’’ Michael whispers furiously at Jake during their first class together that Monday. Jake looks like he’d rather sink trough the floor than talk to Jeremy. He’s such a pathetic sight Michael almost takes pity on him. Almost. He waits for the teacher to turn back to the board.

‘’Look, Christine has one less class than us on Mondays, just tell her to wait for Jeremy at Pinkberrys and then we send him over there at the end of the day.’’ he sighs, and when he glances over at Jake. The dude’s gone fucking starry eyed on him. Great. He reaches across the small space between their desks and shoves at Jakes face, who only laughs. The teacher sends them a stern glance and Michael quickly retracts his hand, smiling sheepishly, before glaring at Jake. Jake does not look sorry in the slightest. He looks like Michael just saved his entire day. Michael just sighs.

Jeremy shares his first class with Brooke and Christine, and usually they sit two next to each other, and then one in front or behind one of them. It’s easier to talk to each other like that, creating a small triangle instead of a line. Christine is the last of the trio to arrive that day, and she sits down next to Brooke, effectively putting Brooke between her and Jeremy. His stomach immediately drops. He must have done something wrong, or something to offend her. He thinks frantically trough everything he’s said to her over the weekend to see if he can find something that might make her mad at him, and while nothing jumps out at him at first, enough overthinking can make anything into the reason she’s not speaking to him. And it does. Suddenly he can’t help but feel that she’s only tolerated him this past month. Surely she’s just been putting up with him. She’s probably closer to the other girls in the group now, but he’s in the friend group so she can’t just stop talking to him. Hell maybe she regretted ever taking him up on the milkshake offer. She probably does. She’s probably really fed up with him by now. All his stammering and the way he awkwardly hugs her and how his face is probably red about 60% of the time they talk and his cold clammy hands and-

The bell rings. Jeremy can’t remember having heard anything the teacher’s said all class. He’s been staring at the blank page of his notebook. When he glances up it’s just in time to see Christine walk out. She hadn’t said a word to him. Brooke looks like she’s unaware of the inner turmoil Jeremy is facing, which is fine. He’d rather not tell her anyway. He doesn’t really wanna start anything within the group anyway. They’d probably go for Christine over him. Who wouldn’t? She’s so happy and perfect and she doesn’t blow off plans last minute because her stupid brain decides that it’s time to freak out. He smiles at Brooke, who smiles back, before heading to his next class.

It doesn’t get any less awkward at lunch. Oh sure Christine is sitting next to him this time, but he’s acutely aware of how she avoids touching him. Even with her flailing gesturing as she speaks, she never once brushes against him like usual. Doesn’t nudge him in a friendly way. Doesn’t hold his arm like she sometimes does. Like he’s come to find comforting over the time he’s gotten to know her. He feels adrift, like he’s looking at her from the outside. Looking at the conversation going on around him from the outside. Michael is a solid weight against his arm, a solid being in a world that’s suddenly full of smoke and mirrors. It anchors him, but he can’t look at Michael. If he looks at Michael he’ll know something’s up, and if he knows then he’ll ask, and if he asks Jeremy will answer. Because that’s how they work. But if he tells Michael that Christine doesn’t actually want to hang around him anymore he’ll create a divide in the friend group. Michael will go with him because he’s a stupidly marvelously good best friend. But the others will surely go with Christine. He’s pretty sure he’d chose Christine over himself too. This ends up cutting Michael off from all of his other friends, friends he connected with without any help from Jeremy. He feels nauseous. The food in front of him doesn’t look appealing anymore.

He’s so caught up in his own head that he doesn’t notice Christine excusing herself, and leaving lunch early. She doesn’t say bye to him, so he can only watch her go, his mind a million miles away.

‘’Is she mad at me?’’

Which is probably why he only realizes he’s said something when the others have stopped talking and are now staring at him. He faces them, eyes wide and face beginning to redden.

‘’What?’’ Jake asks.

‘’S-she’s, Christine, has been…uh, a-avoiding me? All morning? I think.’’ he stammers out, voice small and unsure. This is exactly what he wanted to avoid. He glances over at Michael and yup, that’s worry. That is Michaels worried face. Great. Fucking fantastic. If only the void would take him now. He misses the looks the group exchanges, and misses the glares sent Jakes way, misses Chloe as she mouthes ‘Fix. It’ at Jake. What he doesn’t miss is Rich getting up and sitting down in the vacant seat Christine left. He puts an arm around Jeremy, and while it doesn’t calm him down it does make him feel a bit better. Rich is a good person.

‘’Maybe she just needs some time to figure things out. It’s very easy to withdraw from someone once you realize something in your relationship has changed, but it doesn’t have to be a bad thing! She’ll talk about it when she’s ready. I mean it’s Christine, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have a bad bone in her body!’’ Brooke says, breaking the silence. Jeremy looks at her, feels the prickling behind his eyes and his face heating up even more. He keeps the tears back, but can’t stop his eyes from watering a little. He gives Brooke a shaky smile.

‘’Thanks Brookie.’’ she only smiles, big and happy and endlessly confident that this will all blow over soon, and they’ll be back to normal and happier for it. Jeremy wishes he could believe in that smile fully, but he’ll take the temporary comfort.

To Chrissy:

u willing to meet w Jerms at Pibkberry today

To Jake:

yeah okay, i’ll be waiting

To Chrissy:

r u mad?

To Jake:

I don’t know

Jake stares, dread pooling in the pit of his stomach. He feels like he’s sending Jeremy into the lions den when he approaches him at the end of the day.

‘’Jeremy!’’ he calls. Jeremy turns around and gives him a lopsided smile. Jake can’t help but think he looks small right then and there, even though he’s the second tallest person in their group. Well technically third, Jake and Michael are about the same height, but Jeremy isn’t that far behind. Jeremy stops to let Jake catch up to him.

‘’What’s up Jake?’’ Jeremys shoulders are lowered, his posture easy. He’s so clearly comfortable just talking to Jake right now and Jake hates that he knows exactly what’s gonna happen when he says the lines he’s been rehearsing in his head for the past hour or so.

‘’Chrissy said she’d meet you at Pinkberry after school today. I think she wants to talk?’’ as he expected Jeremys shoulders twitch, wanting to hunch up. His face becomes drawn, the smile a bit strained. Jake can see the worry seeping into his eyes.

‘’Okay. Great. Cool. I’ll see you later.’’ he says, and leaves. Jake watches him go, feeling helplessly lost in the sea of students around him.

Chatroom: now kiss

Player1: jerms just texted me saying he’s heading to pinkberry and that i should just go home

AmericanDragon: i have made a Mistake

RichBich: jake wtf

AmericanDragon: chrissy is acting so strange and i asked if she was mad n she just said idk????

AmericanDragon: n now jerms is headed to talk to her and im freakin out haha

GossipGirl: That’s it we’re going to Pinkberrys. Jerms is walking there so if we drive we can sneak in and sit, find Chrissy, find a good spot close where we can eavesdrop, and then possibly also step in if shit hits the fan. We owe Jerms that much.

BeanieBabe: yes!!! good plan!!!

MythicBinch: they might see us

GossipGirl: Leave that to me!

They take the other way around the school to drive to the mall, just in case Jeremy spots their cars. Or well, in case he spots Michaels car. It’s a very recognizable car what with all the bumper stickers and the fuzzy pacman hanging from his rearview mirror. It had been a gift from Jeremy, just a placeholder until Jeremy had been old enough to get his tattoo, so that they could finally match. The drive feels longer than it is, and Michael is sure it has something to do with the quiet in his car, he doesn’t really feel like putting on any music. They park their cars and meet up at the entrance. Everyone looks to Jenna.

‘’Michael you gotta take off your hoodie, it’s way too recognizable. Jake you take off your football jacket and give it to Rich.’’ they do as instructed as Jenna hands Chloe a beanie and a pair of sunglasses to Brooke. Jenna puts a baseball cap on and tucks her hair in.

‘’Clothes you wear regularly and hair are some of the most recognizable traits, this way if they glance in our direction it’ll be easier to go unrecognized.’’ she explains.

‘’You should work for the CIA or something in the future’’ Michael says. Jenna winks at him.

‘’Who says I’m not already’’ she smirks before leading the party into the mall.

There are two entrances to the pinkberry, since it’s sort of in the middle strip of stores, meaning you can walk straight trough it to the other side. They aim for the entrance that’s technically in the back, and get lucky. Christine is sitting in a booth with her back to them, meaning they can sneak into the next booth over and settle in without being noticed. Now all that’s left is for Jeremy to arrive and hopefully not spot them.

Jeremy makes his way to the mall slowly. It’s not that far away from the school to be honest, but he doesn’t wanna be drenched in sweat when he arrives. Also he might be a little scared. Who is he kidding he’s very scared, very worried, and he’s already sweating a lot. What a good Monday this is shaping up to be. Despite his slow pace he makes it to the mall relatively quickly. He makes his way to Pinkberry in a daze, and once he gets there his eyes zeroes in on Christine immediately. She’s looking at her phone. As he approaches he feels like he’s approaching his own death sentence. He stops in front of the booth and tries to swallow the lump in his throat.

‘’H-hey.’’ he says lamely, and Christine finally looks up. She doesn’t smile and Jeremy feels like he might already be dead. She nods to the seat across from her and he slides in. He doesn’t say anything, waits for her to start. On the other side of the divider behind Christine everyone holds their breath.

‘’Jake told me the truth.’’ Christine starts, and it throws Jeremy for a loop. He ends up staring at her and very intelligently stammer out,

‘’W-what?’’ in a meek voice. Christine huffs, her face pinching and he’s never seen her like this. Angry. And hurt. He doesn’t know what he did but he knows he’ll do anything in his power to undo it, just to get her to stop looking like that.

‘’You never wanted to be in the musical.’’ she accuses him, and it’s like a knife to the gut. Oh. She knows. She knows the truth that’s actually a lie and thinks the actual truth is an actual lie. Fuck.

‘’Chris-‘’ he tries to start, but she cuts him off,

‘’No. I can’t believe I actually believed you. And you were so nice and I thought I found someone who loved theatre as much as I did, was that all fake too?’’ she glares at him, and he feels so very small. He feels like he’s being pulled under, like he can’t breathe, and he wants to cry but he can’t cry now, how pathetic would that be?

‘’This isn’t the first time this has happened, and I’m so sick of it. I thought you were different.’’

Every word is like a blow, his chest keeps tightening and he feels guilty for something that isn’t even true, but he is a liar and a terrible person even though it’s not in the way she thinks.

‘’I thought you were better.’’ she says finally, and she sounds tired. She sounds tired and broken and Jeremy recognizes himself in that tone of voice. That might be what finally snaps him out of the downward spiral into the cold murky waters of despair, because when she gets up to leave his hand shoots out to stop her, catching her wrist. He can’t meet her eyes for a second, can’t find his voice, and the air between them is tense as he tries to get his scrambled brain to form a coherent sentence. She doesn’t pull her arm away.

Rich had been seconds away from getting out of his seat to stop Christine, but Jeremy actually beats him to it. The tension between the two seep into the air between the other six, and it feels like the tiniest movement could shatter the world. Jeremy breaks the silence after a small eternity, his hand clammy around Christines wrist. He looks up at her finally,

‘’Will you let me explain?’’ he asks, surprising himself. In the small eternity between grabbing onto her and opening his mouth he’s decided to tel her everything. Tell her the truth, the real truth. She’d understand, wouldn’t she? Or maybe she’d hate him, and then go tell his friends and then they’d hate him too and then the seven of them would leave him behind and they’d all be better off without hi-

His chain of thought is broken by Christine sitting back down and crossing her arms. He stares at her for moment before snatching his hand back and staring into the tabletop.

‘’Alright. Explain.’’ Christine says neutrally. He can tell she’s a bit annoyed, but she stayed. That has to mean something. He takes a deep breath and prepares to put words to thoughts he’s never let leave his head.

‘’It’s true that I lied, but I didn’t lie to you.’’ he glances at her, she uncrosses her arms, eyebrows raising, he looks back down.

‘’I lied to everyone else.’’ he admits. It’s freeing and terrible at the same time, like releasing a burden only to replace it with a heavier one.

‘’I told them I had a crush on you as an excuse to join the musical, because I didn’t want to tell them that I like theatre.’’ he almost whispers, but it’s still loud enough for the others to hear. Their faces all share the same shocked expression, and they feel… lost for words. Not that they’d say anything but, it’s like everything grinds to a halt all at once.

‘’That doesn’t make any sense.’’ Christine says, but there’s no accusation in her tone, only confusion. Uncertainty.

‘’I know!’’ Jeremy almost shouts, such a contrast to his last statement. He pushes his hair away from his face and oh yup that’s definitely tears sliding down his face. He avoids meeting her eyes as he raises his head, scrubbing an arm across his face. Trying ton hold back the tears.

‘’I know it doesn’t make sense. It was never supposed to be a secret but I just never told them and then I kept not telling them and then suddenly it was this huge secret. And it felt like I’d lied to them for so long and I don’t even know why and for some reason I thought they’d be mad at me? And it sounds so stupid when I’m saying it out loud because they’re good people, they’re the b-best people, and I thought something so bad about them but I just-‘’ he cuts himself off, taking a deep and shaky breath. No more tears leak out, and he’s grateful for that small mercy. He can’t bring himself to look at Christine yet.

‘’When I heard which musical we were putting on I decided I had to try to be in it, it’s my favorite musical of all time and I’ve always wanted to see if I was good enough to play JD. So I needed a good enough excuse to sign up for auditions, and then there you were.’’ now he does look at her. Her eyes are open, staring at him, her arms resting on the table. He smiles at her, shaky, and there must be something in his expression because she breathes in shakily.

‘’I’ve admired you since freshman year, when I saw you in Romeo and Juliet. Because after that I kept noticing you, and you were so…so unapologetically enthusiastic about what you loved, and at first I was so jealous of you, and then I started wishing we could be friends. But I’m terrible at making friends!’’ he laughs brokenly at that.

‘’I’m only in the friend group I’m in because of Michael, and on some level I’m always terrified they’ll realize I’m not worth hanging around.’’ at the other table Brooke looks like she’s about to cry, and the others can’t help but internally agree.

‘’It’s all in my head too, I know they’re not that mean, but I can’t help it sometimes. But yeah…I figured I could tell them I liked you, try out for the play, connect with you and maybe even be acquaintances? So honestly the fact that you’re in the group now is better than I’d ever imagined.’’ his face is red, both from the almost crying and the embarrassment, but he’s smiling slightly. Christine is speechless, hanging onto every word.

‘’I figured I’d tell them it didn’t work out with you, and leave it at that. But then I actually got the part and I somehow convinced myself that if I did a good enough job, if they saw me be an amazing JD, I could tell them that this is what I wanna do with my life.’’ he admits. And then he finally looks at her, he can’t really read her expression.

‘’I’m sorry I got you caught up in my lies, I didn’t mean to hurt you and I know I did anyway, and I hope you can forgive me for being a hurtful idiot.’’ he finishes. He feels wrung out, both emotionally and physically. There’s an ache in his chest, like a festering wound. It’s soon forgotten when he see the small sympathetic smile blossoming on her face. Her eyes shine as she says,

‘’Of course I forgive you.’’

The smile that stretches across his face is probably the biggest one that’s graced his face the entire day.

‘’I do have a demand though. You have to tell them after opening night. And I mean everything. They’re you’re friends, they care about you, they’d never hate you for something you love.’’ she says.

‘’Yeah, you’re right. I mean I already feel better having told you. And deep down I know they won’t be mad but it’s just…difficult to start a conversation like that sometimes.’’

‘’I can be there as moral support, if you want?’’

‘’Would you?’’ he looks so hopeful it almost breaks her heart.

‘’Of course!’’ she reaches out and grabs both his hands, beaming at him.

‘’Why Heathers though?’’ she asks him once they sit back down. After all that emotion they decided to actually get some frozen yoghurt. Jeremy has mint chocolate chip, and Christine has strawberry with mini marshmallows. The others are still there, Brooke having snuck off to grab her own frozen yogurt (peach flavor), and brings back blueberry for Jenna, vanilla for Chloe, and mint chocolate chip fro Michael. They all make faces as he digs in.

‘’I guess I’ve always seen some similarities between me and JD, not in a I’m-gonna-snap-and-blow-the-school-up way, but in the way he closes himself off from the world, how he’s hurting. Oh, and the songs are amazing, of course. Freeze your brain is my favorite cus we see the vulnerable side of JD. And it’s about slushies, so it reminds me of Michael. Even though it’s a sad song it cheers me up because of that.’’

At the other table all eyes shoot to Michael, who’s blushing.

‘’Speaking of Michael…’’Christen opens, and congratulates herself on the smooth change of topic.

‘’The others, I kinda get why you didn’t talk to them, but why not Michael? He’s your best friend, right?’’ Christine asks, fishing around for the last mini marshmallows in her cup. Jeremy blushes again.

‘’Oh well…I think it’s because he is my best friend. It feels even worse keeping secrets from him than the others.’’ Christine immediately latches onto the plural s.

‘’Secrets? As in, more than one?’’ she asks, leaning across the table just a little. The others pick it up too, and sharpen their ears. Apparently today is a day for learning your long time friends deepest darkest secrets. Jeremy is quickly going even redder.

‘’Okay! Okay! Yes, more secrets. There’s only two though, and you already know the first one.’’ he pleads.

‘’Is it bigger or smaller than the you being a musical nerd one?’’ he snorts at that, but quickly becomes serious as he considers it.

‘’Probably bigger.’’ he admits, knowing full well she’ll demand to him to tell her.

‘’I demand that you tell me.’’ she says with mock seriousness in her voice. And yes there’s a hint of deep curiosity there, but the good thing about Christine is that he knows he can just say no. Just tell her he doesn’t wanna share it and she’ll be fine with it. But it felt so good sharing the other, maybe it’ll be easier if he tells her this one too? The other table is quiet, full of tension as they desperately hope Jeremy will share this second secret with Christine and, unknowingly, with them.

‘’I’m in love with Michael.’’

Michael remembers the first time he saw Jeremy. Really saw him.

The moving truck had parked outside the house down the street late December. Pretty close to christmas, and Michael had wondered who could be bothered to move this close to Christmas. He’d glimpse the new people every now and then, two adults and a small figure in a bright blue coat.

His Ina had said they were a couple with a son about his age, and that he’d probably be starting in Michaels class in January. Nanay had told him to be nice to the new boy once school started, since it was always difficult to start in the middle of the school year.

‘’But why can’t we go over and say hi, we could be friends and then he’d have someone to hang out with when school starts!’’ Ina had smiled.

‘’You’re so kind, anak, I’m proud of you. But they’ve asked for some time to settle, so for now we give them their space.’’ he had nodded in understanding, even though he didn’t really.

This had lead to the first time he actually saw Jeremy being the first day back to second grade that January. He remembers the skinny kid with the floppy brown hair, hands twisting in his soft blue cardigan, a missing front tooth, big blue eyes. He’d stuttered out his own name, face a little rosy, and the teacher had seated him next to Michael. You’d think such an epic friendship would have had a grander beginning. Michael defending Jeremy as someone made fun of his stutter, Jeremy befriending the friendless Michael. But no, it starts with Jeremy sitting down next to Michael nervously glancing over at him, and Michael answering him with a blinding smile.

Jeremy is the first person Michael calls when he gets the new gaming system.

Michael is the first person Jeremy calls when he gets a pet rabbit.

Jeremy is the first person Michael calls when there’s a new movie he wants to see.

Michael is the first person Jeremy calls when he was getting braces.

Jeremy is the first person Michael calls when his grandma dies.

Michael is the first person Jeremy calls when anything happens.

Jeremy is the first person Michael calls when everything happens.

Michael is the first person Jeremy calls when his mom leaves.

They’ve been friends for four years, but it feels like forever. You can always find one with the other. They lean on each other and find strength in each other. They also keep each other on the right track. When she leaves Jeremy is inconsolable at first. He doesn’t understand.

‘’Did I do something?’’ he asks his dad, he gets a shaky smile and a shake of the head. And then his dad is gone again. Not like his mom is gone, but he’s just not there.

He spends a lot of time at Michaels place that year, goes there after school, hangs out during the weekends. Talks to his moms. Talks to his moms a lot actually. He latches onto them like he’s dying, and they notice. It leads to them sitting him down one evening, along with Michael, and having a lengthy discussion about how Jeremy’s feeling. Apparently nobody had really thought to ask him. Except Michael, of course, but Michael only has child like reassurances. And no means to better the situation on his own. He’s glad when his moms step in, because he was starting to feel like Jeremy might be slipping away. The talks become regular, and Reyna and Ami start visiting the Heere household to talk to Jeremys dad as well. He’s slowly getting better, and keeps thanking them for looking after Jeremy while he was being an idiot. His own words. But there’s something missing from the equation. The Heere boys keep saying she left because she was tired of dealing with something. It switches from money problems, to being a mother, to being a wife, to health issues, to some indistinct worry about the future. But it’s all strangely centered around Jeremy. They just don’t know why, until the end of that summer.

They’re looking trough the Mell family photo albums when they come across Michaels baby pictures. Michael, predictably, tries to snatch the album away. Reyna stops him however.

‘’I was in labour for seven hours, I deserve to gush about these photos.’’ she argues, and shows Jeremy the pictures of a very small Michael. He’s screaming, small face scrunched up and hilarious looking. Jeremy tries not to laugh, but a snort escapes anyway. Michael tries to tackle him, but Ami stops him.

‘’Now be nice anak.’’ she says, voice soft and full of fondness. Jeremy glances at her, then back to the picture again.

‘’If you gave birth to Michael, does that mean he has a dad somewhere?’’ he asks, quite innocently. Reyna and Ami share a look over the boys’ heads, and Ami gestures that she’ll handle it.

‘’You see Jeremy, Michael is our biological son. I’m what you call Trans, which means-‘’ she’s cut off as Jeremy gasps loudly, and it’s surprising enough that she just stops talking. All three Mells are looking at him in confusion, but he doesn’t notice, just stares at Ami with big eyes.

‘’You are? You’re married! And you have a family! And you’re happy!’’Jeremy exclaims.

‘’Uuuuuuuh…yes?’’ is the answer Ami gives him, and then he’s laughing. Laughing like he’s relieved. And then he’s crying, and Ami understands. She gets up and gathers Jeremy into her arms, and he clings onto her, buries his face in her shirt without a trace of embarrassment. He knows he’s safe here, so it’s okay. He cries himself out as Ami rocks him gently, petting his hair and shushing him. Michel gets up and settles in next to them, waiting for his turn to hug his best friend.

‘’Are you-‘’ she’s cut off by the frantic nodding of Jeremys head, and she sighs. Not long after Jermey releases his grip, and then he’s got his arms full of a different Mell instead. Michael clutches him tight, trying to squeeze every bit of love and understanding into Jeremy.

‘’I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It’s part of why we moved here in the first place. Fresh start.’’ Jeremy mutters into Michaels shoulder. Michael only shakes his head.

‘’It’s okay.’’ he says, and Jeremy would cry again if his head didn’t already hurt so much.

Nothing changes between them. Except now Michael knows why Jeremy changes in the bathroom instead of the locker rooms. Jeremy had always said he was uncomfortable in the locker rooms, and Michael figures that’s still true anyway. His Ina also tells Jeremys dad about puberty blockers, and tells him everything he can do for his son. She becomes an invaluable resource for Mr. Heere, and someone he can come to with questions he can’t ask his son. Everything seems to be on track to become better, maybe not just like it was before, but who says that’s not a good thing? That is, until Ami overhears Jeremy tell Michael something. She knows she shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but she can’t help it.

‘’I think my mom left cus she couldn’t deal with me. I heard her shouting at dad a week before she left, about how she wouldn’t be able to handle what I’m putting her trough.’’

It breaks her heart, so she steps in like the nosy woman she is. She knocks gently on the door, and the boys go quiet immediately. She cracks the door open, leans into the room.

‘’I’m sorry for listening in, but can I speak with you for a moment Jeremy?’’

Said boy glances at Michael before carefully nodding his head. She steps in fully and joins the two boys on the floor in front of the small tv the gaming system is hooked up to.

‘’As a child, it isn’t your responsibility to make sure you’re someone your parents can… deal with…or whatever. Your only job is to be you, and their jobs as parents are to accept you and love you, teach you and guide you, be there for you. It isn’t your fault your mom left, and I’m sure your dad would say the same.’’ Ami says in a confident voice. And he does. Not as eloquently, but twice as reassuring. Ten times as loving. A hundred times as accepting.

‘’Your mom didn’t leave because you couldn’t be a good child, she left because she couldn’t be good mother. It just wasn’t who she was supposed to be, and she hurt us in the process, so it’s okay to be mad at her, but in the end we just have to let her go, and move on. We can make it together, Heere men have always been resilient.’’ he says, and smiles, and Jeremy believes him.

They stick together trough thick and thin, Michael and Jeremy, Jeremy and Michael.

Player 1 and Player 2

The two of them against the world (against middle school).

Michael doesn’t notice at first. How could he? Jeremy is Jeremy, and Jeremy is his best friend. They play video games together, lounging across each other, sitting in each others laps, falling asleep holding each other, waking up still holding each other. Jeremy likes to cuddle, Jeremy likes hugs, Jeremy likes soft and warm things and Michael is soft and warm personified. Jeremy calms him down after panic attacks, Jeremy tells him he’s the best when his brain says he’s the worst, Jeremy says he’s his favorite person, Jeremy stops stuttering around him, Jeremy grows his hair out a bit, Jeremy calls his moms Ina and Nanay, Jeremy grows up.

Jeremy is cute.

The realization that he’s gay isn’t really a surprise. Well, he’s surprised he didn’t realize sooner. He tells his moms with little fanfare, and Jeremy with even less (who in turn admits he’s probably bi). Life goes on. Until his 14th birthday party. Jeremy is there. Of course he’s there, if you asked him he’d say he wouldn’t miss it for the world, and he’d mean it. They’re out in the garden, having a barbecue. Rich, a kid they met first year in middle school, is there as well. He likes video games and has a lisp, and Michael think’s he’s cool. He’s probably the fastest kid in their class. He’d sat next to Michael in math and then they’d been friends, and then Jeremy had slowly warmed up to him, and they’d bonded over their speech impediments. Michael feels like it should be a big deal figuring out you’re in love with your best friend, but it isn’t. It’s looking up into the tree that’s been in your back yard since forever, laughing and worrying at the same time that Jeremy is gonna fall and break something, and thinking you could spend the rest of your life like that. Laughing and worrying and loving this idiot. He starts high school knowing he likes Jeremy, he finishes freshman year knowing he loves him. He tells Rich, because he’s Michaels closest friend after Jeremy. And now he has to make that distinction because suddenly they have even more friends.

He makes it to junior year with his unrequited feelings. He’s also discovered that getting high chills him out, and helps when he’s feeling strung out and worn down. That’s also how the rest of the gang, excluding Jeremy, gets wind of his crush during sophomore year. It’s an old group chat they used to discuss what to get Jeremy for his birthday back in October, but the first word is ‘Jerms’ in the title and then he’s going for it.

Chatroom: jerms gon party

Player1: i’m so gay for jeremy

And that was that.

They promise not to tell Jeremy, like the good friends they are, but they all agree it’s hard to tell if Jeremy likes him back, beaches they’ve just always been that close. Sometimes Michael hates how close they are, and then he changes his mind about five seconds later. That also means that when Jeremy says he’s crushing on Christine, the others immediately pounce on him, making sure he’s okay. And what can he tell them? That he’s heartbroken? That he kinda wishes Christine would go away? That he kinda wants to sabotage Jeremy, just so he will keep being single, so Michael doesn’t have to deal with this? No. He doesn’t say all that, even though somewhere in the back of his mind he wishes he did. He wishes he had told them and they’d help him get Christine far away from Jeremy. But he doesn’t. He’s a good friend. He’s Jeremys best friend. He wants him to be happy. And if Christine is what will make Jeremy happy, he’s not gonna stand in the way of that. So he tells them that they’re gonna help Jeremy get Christine, because that’s what friends do, and he ignores the ache in his chest and the way he feels his heart break over and over again. He smiles and makes sure Jeremy is okay, and he’s glad he’s been dealing with these feelings for so long, because Jeremy doesn’t notice even now. Maybe Michael wishes he would.

Michael is pretty sure his head is gonna explode. What the fuck. What the actual fuck. The others are looking at him as if they absolutely agree.

What the fuck.

In the next booth over the conversation continues, as if Michaels entire world hadn’t just fallen apart only to be rebuilt again.

‘’Really?’’ Christine exclaims with glee, Jeremy is still bright red, but he’s smiling and nodding shyly. He looks…happy. He looks like he’s in love. Michael has never seen him like that before, but he can’t tear his eyes away. It’s like magic. Like a moth to a flame, and Jeremy is burning brighter than ever, and Michael is only one small moth feeling like he’s chasing the moon.

‘’Yeah, I think I started crushing on him when I was like 12 or something. It’s really stupid. I don’t even know if he thinks of me like that, if I’m even an option. But it’s fine, he keeps me grounded just by being next to me.’’ he looks off into the distance, all dreamy, and okay yeah Christine realizes he could never have been in love with her. This is Jeremy Heere in love, and she’s never seen him like this. Wistful, longing, and so at peace with it, more content to simply exist in the world than she’s ever seen him.

‘’Don’t you wanna tell him that?’’ she asks, and Michael could kiss Christine, he really could right then and there. Jeremy is silent, his face falling a little, like his awareness of the world around him is seeping back in, brining back his anxious demeanor. Michael wishes he could hold onto the place Jeremy and been in, bottle it up and give it to him so he could stay there forever. Just being happy.

‘’I don’t know.’’ oh god please hit this boy over the head with something so he can get it trough his thick skull that Michael is head over heels in love with him so he should really say something oh god please just say something.

‘’What if you tell him on opening night, after you tell everyone about you being a huge nerd?’’ Christine suggests. Michael is gonna shower her in gifts he’s so fucking thankful for her right now. Jeremy snorts.

‘’’Are you ever gonna stop calling me a nerd?’’ he asks jokingly. She gleefully shakes her head no, and he sighs, then his face turns serious again.

‘’Is it a good idea to tell him that right after admitting I’ve been lying to everyone for years because of my own dumb insecurities?’’ his worries are closing in on him, trapping him in a corner.

‘’First off, they’re not dumb. They might be irrational, but that doesn’t make them any less real. Second, isn’t it good to just get it all out, over and done with?’’ Christine tries to reason with his anxieties, and she sees some of the worry clear away. She’s getting trough.

‘’Maybe…yeah okay.’’ he’s smiling slightly, light filling his eyes.

‘’Okay?’’ she asks, urges him on, smile splitting her face.

‘’Okay!’’ he exclaims, laughing, smiling bigger, drunk on love and foolish bravery. She looks at him expectantly, and he only sends her a questioning look back. She groans, but her eyes are still smiling so he knows she’s not actually that exasperated with him yet.

‘’How? How are you gonna do it? I know you, Jeremy Heere, and you need a plan. You need a goal to work towards. So what’s your plan?’’ she puts her arms on the table, leans against them and gets up close and personal with his face. He swallows, his hands shaking just a little.

‘’Uhh, okay. So I meet everyone after opening night, hopefully they’re all amazed at our performance, I tell them I’m a theatre nerd and that my big dream is to go to Broadway-‘’ Christine cuts him off with a squeal of joy, but quickly makes hand motions for him to continue, and the others can’t help but share that sentiment. This is a new side of Jeremy, and they kinda really like it, this new found budding confidence Christine and the musical has inspired in him. Jeremy gives her a crooked smile before continuing,

‘’Then I’ll ask if Michael can drop me off at home, or I’ll probably ask him beforehand, or he’ll offer. He’ll probably offer actually, he’s a good friend like that. Anyway so I’ll wait until he’s dropping me off at home, and then I’ll tell him, and then when it gets really awkward I can just go home and hide in my room forever.’’ Jeremy finishes on an almost false note of cheer. Christine sighs, but smiles tiredly at him.

‘’It was good all the way up to the end. Promise me you’ll hear him out before you run off?’’ she asks.

‘’I promise.’’ Jeremy says.

The six of them watch as Jeremy and Christine leave, and breathe a sigh of relief at having gone unnoticed during the entire ordeal.

‘’How’d you feel dude?’’ Rich asks Michael, and honestly he doesn’t really know how to answer.

‘’I am dead and dying.’’ he offers, and he feels like that should explain everything.

‘’I’m impressed, those states are usually mutually exclusive.’’ Jenna says sarcastically. Michael covers his face with his hands, pushing his glasses up, and leans his head back until it connects with the top of the bech behind him.

‘’Time is an illusion.’’ he mutters trough his hands before dragging them down his face, then reaching up and settling his glasses back into their rightful place.

‘’No but for real I think I’m about to either explode from glee or frustration. Maybe both. He’s closer than ever and I can’t even take the final step towards him, even though it would be so easy.’’ he tries to explain, it must not get across well enough, because the others look mostly confused.

‘’Why can’t you take the final step?’’ Brooke asks.

‘’He’s got a plan. Christine said it, Jeremy needs a set goal and he needs to accomplish it on his own terms. If I went up and told him I liked him I’d throw him off kilter, I might even destroy his concentration and confidence for the play, and he needs that. All I have to do is wait, not do anything out of the ordinary, and wait.’’ he’s looking at his own hands, curled into fists on the table. His emotions are waging a war against each other, but the pure happiness wins over everything else, he remembers the look Jeremy had had when he’d thought about him, thought about Michael, thought about being in love with Michael. He feels something similar creep onto his own fave, feels the red rise in his cheeks, feels the goofy smile, he wouldn’t be surprised if hearts were visible in his eyes right then. He starts giggling, then laughing, from the unabashed joy in his chest. Swelling and swelling and swelling ever outwards, filling his chest and there’s not a single trace of the ache he’s been feeling for years. The others only stare at him, a certain kind of relief in their hearts. It’s just such a good thing to see your friends find happiness they never thought they’d have.

School the next day is instantly so much better. Christine acts like she always has with him again, which is a relief. Their other friends ask if they can sit in on one of their rehearsals, and while yeah that would be great, Jeremy and Christine explain that it’s mostly learning the songs and their lines and their cues as of now, but when they starts rehearsing more coherent parts, like the choreography and stuff like that, they’ can definitely sit in. Which does Jeremys heart some good, because it gives him time to psyche himself up. The best thing however, had to be Michael. To Jeremy, Michael is probably the best part of his day, but he’s just…lighter. Brighter. He seems happier, and Jeremy doesn’t understand why in the slightest, but when Michael smiles at him he sees all that happiness radiating off of him and it makes his insides all warm and tingly. Michael doesn’t smile like that at anyone else either, the extra happiness is noticeable in practically every way if you know how to look, but Jeremy sees it the best when it’s directed at him. That has to be a good sign, right? Something in his head tries to tell him there’s something going on, something sinister even, but Jeremy refuses to listen. He flat out refuses. His favorite person in the whole world is happier than Jeremy has seen in in what feels like forever, and he’s not about to let his own stupid head but a dark spin on that. Michael in turn sees the happiness he knows he’s radiating being reflected right back to him by Jeremy. He didn’t know he could make Jeremy so happy just by being happy himself. He feels like they’re mirrors or something, endlessly reflecting this happiness back and forth, brighter and brighter. So maybe he lets the hugs linger a little longer than their already long hugging time, so maybe he’s finding even more excuses to touch Jeremy casually just to feel his warmth, jus to feel his heart beating steady in his chest so he can relish in knowing it belongs to him, so maybe he tries to tell Jeremy he loves him in every way without being too obvious, in hopes that Jeremy will realize soon. Maybe he does all this despite promising himself nothing would change. Maybe he doesn’t care.

Christine corners Jake at the end of the day. For someone of her size, she sure can be intimidating when she wants to. He’s suddenly glad she is the person that she is, that sh has the heart she has, that they’re friends now instead of something else.

‘’I know you tried to do the right thing, but you shouldn’t meddle in other peoples lives like that. You have to give them time and space to figure things out on their own, and maybe a nudge here and there yes I’ll admit. Just thing things trough a bit more next time, okay?’’ she asks. Gosh she’s so nice. Like an angel. He only nods.

‘’And you guys better be the loudest ones clapping at the end of that Musical.’’ she say in a cheerful voice, with an underlying tone of threat that does not go unnoticed. He swallows, gives his best smile, and watches her walk away.

AmericanDragon changed group name from ‘now kiss’ to ‘Official Canigula Heere Fanclub’

AmericanDragon: i just got threatened by chrissy

AmericanDragon: 0/10 would not recommend

AmericanDragon: she did tell me we needed to be the loudest ppl clapping at opening night so we are now their official fan club

AmericanDragon: our first order of business is to make matching t-shirts

AmericanDragon: I also nominate brooke for cheer captain

AmericanDragon: michael ur in charge of the signs

AmericanDragon: rich ur gonna be out hype man

AmericanDragon: i’m gonna make an official twitter for us, and jenna ur in charge of it

AmericanDragon: it’s evryones duty to like and retweet everything to their personals

AmericanDragon: chloe idk what you should be in charge of but you need to be in charge of something cus you’re good at that

AmericanDragon: taht’s all

AmericanDragon *that’s

Player1: jake wtf

GossipGirl: No I like it. Let’s do this. We owe Jeremy that much, right?

RichBich: yea i mean he rly did not want to tell us he was into musicals n shit

Player1: that’s not our fault tho. u know how jeremy is, sometimes he gets too caught up in his own head and then his idiot brain makes up stuff that isn’t true because he’s so anxious

Player1: this isn’t about him not trusting us, or us not being supportive enough

Player1: this isn’t about what we did or didn’t do before

Player1: this is about how we support him going forward

Player1: make sure he knows he can tell us these things, that we won’t judge him or hate him

Player1: i changed my mind this fan club is the best idea fucking ever let’s go

BeanieBabe: yaaaaayyyyyyy!!!!!

MythicBinch: also i’m obviously in charge. period. i am now the leader of this fan club. go spread the word my pretties.

Player1: hear that guys? chloe thinks we’re all preeeeeeettyyyyyyyyyy

RichBich: well jerms already seems to think so abt u mike

Player1: alright 1 don’t ever call me mike

Player1: E V E R

Player1: and 2

Player1: i am now deceased i hope ur happy with urself

RichBich: oh noon, whatever are we gonna do abt jeremys broken heart :’c

Player1: don’t do me like this ranch

RichBich: do you like u want jerms to do u??

RichBich: ALSO I THOIGH THE RANCH NAME DIED PLS DON’T BRING IT BACK

Player1: iF U FUCKIN STOP CALLIN ME OUT LIKE THIS MAYBE I WILL

RichBich: oh so u admit u want jerms to do u ;3c

Player1: that’s it

RichBich: wait no

RichBich: michael i didn’t mean it i’m sorry pls don’t do this to me im begging u

Player1: shoulda thought of that sooner

Player1 changed RichBich’s nickname to RanchDressingBoy

RanchDressingBoy: nooooooooooooooooooo

Chatroom: F I G H T

Player1 changed group name from ‘F I G H T’ to ‘Ranch Boy’s Back In Town’

Player1 changed RichBich’s nickname to RanchDressingBoy

RanchDressingBoy: i don’t deserve this

Player2: wtf did u do rich????

Player1: HIS NAME IS RANCH NOW

Player1: HE HAS WRONGED ME FOR THE LAST TIME

Player2: *wtf did u do ranch????

Player1: better

RanchDressingBoy: et tu, jerms?

MythicBinch: why are our friends so fucking weird

GossipGirl changed MythicBinch’s nickname to OneOfUs

They’ve been rehearsing the routine for Fight for Me for a few weeks when their friends request comes up again. Jeremy has been learning to fight in slow motion and he’s actually having a lot of fun. He also feels like he’s become good enough at this to show their friends. Christine even says he looks bad ass, which is something he never thought he could accomplish. But he has to admit he does feel rather bad ass with the long coat swishing around at his motions, and taking down two rather burly looking guys with a book as his weapon of choice. During rehearsal that week in December, Christine and him sneak them into the auditorium right before rehearsal starts. They giggle quietly, trying to shush their friends as they settle into the seats without being noticed. They sneak them as close to the stage as they can, wanting them to have a good view. There’s only five minutes left until rehearsals start when Jeremy and Christine start making their way down to the stage. Michael grabs for Jeremy one last time,

‘’You’re gonna be awesome.’’ he says, leaning in close so he won’t have to raise his voice, Jeremys face is a light pink, and he can feel the heat rise in his own face, then he lets go. Jeremy smiles shyly, then it grows into something confident, and he walks away. Michael is left sitting there, leaned forward slightly, awestruck. That confident smile was new. And it was hot. Shit. He’s so gay. He realizes he hasn’t moved, and Jeremy and Christine are almost down by the stage, so he sits back in his seat quickly. It does nothing to alleviate the knowing looks and smirks he receives from his friends. He glares back, before very pointedly turning back to look at the stage. Mr.Reyes has just arrived and he’s directing the cast into position, not that they don’t really know them already. They’ve been in these positions for what feels like way too long.

Mr. Reyes yells action, and it’s like the stage comes alive with a new world. Jeremy approaches Christine, long black coat swaying lightly. It looks almost a little weird to see him with his regular clothes underneath, but the coat helps show off how tall he actually is, gives his shoulders a little more width.

‘’You shouldn’t have bowed down to the swatch dogs and the diet coke heads. They’re gonna crush that girl.’’ Jeremy says, his voice holds no nervousness, there’s not a trace of his stutter. But he’s not really Jeremy anymore, is he? He’s like a different person. Christine looks at him.

‘’I’m sorry, what?’’ Jeremy does not look amused at her words,

‘’You’ve clearly got a soul, you just need to work hard keeping it clean. We are all born marked for evil.’’ he says, and moves as if to walk away, Christine lunges after him, stopping him in his tracks.

‘’Ok, don’t just quote Baudelaire at me and then walk away. I don’t think I caught your name?’’ she says.

‘’I didn’t throw it.’’ Jeremy snaps back, and Rich has to stifle a snort. Christine backs off, further right on the stage, while Jeremy takes front and centre stage, opening his hardcover book. Two guys in football jackets to the left start talking, gesturing to Jeremy as he minds his own business.

‘'Who does that guy in the jacket think he is anyway, Bo Diddley?’’ one says.

‘’Veronica’s into his act no doubt.’’ the other observes.

‘’Let’s kick his ass!’’ the first exclaims.

‘’Nah, we’re seniors man, we’re too old for that shit!’’ but his valiant effort is ignored as knucklehead #1 pushes past, approaching Jeremy.

‘’Hey sweetheart! What did your boyfriend say when you told him you were moving to Sherwood, Ohio?’’ and good lord he is so obnoxious. Knucklehead #2 follows swiftly, walking up and smacking the back of Jeremys head as he speaks,

‘’My buddy Kurt just asked you a question!’’ okay yeah they’re both obnoxious. The small group in the seats have officially had enough of them.

‘’Hey Ram, doesn’t the cafeteria have a no gays allowed rule?’’ Knucklehead #1 says, and if he was a real dude he would be getting his ass kicked at this very moment. Jeremy doesn’t even look fazed though, he just looks…annoyed. Which isn’t the reaction they’d expect from their Jeremy.

‘’They seem to have an open door policy for assholes though.’’ Jeremy snaps, putting extra force behind the word ‘assholes’. The other two look outraged, the six in the seats have to hold back from yelling in support of their boy.

‘’Hold his arms.’’ Knucklehead #1 says, and Knucklehead #2 forces Jeremys arms behind his back. He draws his right arm back as far as he can for show. As he lunges forward to punch Jeremy breaks free and blocks it with the book, before swinging around and smacking it across the face of the guy who was holding him. It’s very close, but it shows that the hits didn’t actually connect, but the actors are good at following trough with the motions, reeling back and falling to the floor dramatically. It all happens very fast, and then then the cast starts singing. Multiple voices echo across the auditorium exclaiming ‘holy shit!’ to a beat that isn’t playing. The first guy who tried to punch Jeremy is coming back for more, but Jeremy blocks him and pretends to kick him in the crotch. He goes down as the other guy steadies himself on his feet.. The cast is still singing those two words. As he approaches Jeremy turns, sees him, and throws an arm back. He swings it towards the guys face, slowing down as the cast drags the last word out, freezing as he’s about to connect what looks to be a solid slow-mo punch. The cast goes quiet and Christine has finally looked up from the notepad. As Jeremy stills completely, the guy in front of him freezing with what is probably an accurate grimace of someone about to get sucker punched in the face, Christine steps up and points directly at Jeremy. Her face is one of pure awe, with maybe some lovestruck splashed in for good measure. Michael can’t help but agree.

The guy who was kicked in the nuts is frozen on the ground, legs spread and hands clutching his crotch, while everyone else is frozen in various poses of shock, all over exaggerated to enhance the comedic effect of the scene. Christine is still moving, looking like she’s been placed outside of time. It’s mesmerizing. And then she starts singing,

‘'Why when you see boys fight, does it look so horrible yet…..feel so riiiiight?’’ her voice is clear and carries across the auditorium.

‘’I shouldn’t watch this crap, that’s not who I am, but with this kid…daaaaaaaamn!’’ she’s rocking back and forth a bit, trying to convey how something like love at first sight is supposed to have kicked in. She doesn’t move gracefully like other productions have called for, because here she’s playing something she knows how to be in real life. Just an awkward teenager, trying to survive high school.

‘’Hey, mister no-name-kid, so who might you be?’’ she turns her head to look at Jeremy, his face is frozen in an outraged snarl, not really ideal for longingly gazing at, but hey.

‘’And could you fight for me?’’ she kets her knees bend, moving back a little, before moving forward at the start of her next line,

‘’And hey, could you face the crowd?’’ she’s looking directly at Jeremy, but heads around behind the guy he’s almost punching in the face.

‘’Could you be seen with me, and still act proud?’’ she ducks under his outstretched arm, standing between the two frozen-in-place boys, facing Jeremy. She takes a moment to point and give a short ‘HA’ in her clear crisp voice at the guy on the ground.

‘’Hey, could you hold my hand?’’ at this she reaches out and takes hold of Jeremys other hand, his fingers are spread out and she fits her own between the spaces perfectly, gently holding on.

‘’And could you carry me trough no mans laaaand?’’ she lets go, walking away, back to where she was standing when the fight broke out.

‘’It’s fine, if you don’t agree, but i would fight for you,’’ she turns her head back, looking at Jeremy again,

‘’if you would fight for meeeeeeeeee.’’ as she drags the last note out Knucklehead #2 starts moving his arms upward, Jeremys fist is oh so slowly creeping closer to his face, and the others around them are seemingly unfreezing as well.

‘’Let them drive us underground, I don’t care how faaaaar.’’ at this point the dude looks like he’s doing a terrible velociraptor parody, and it’s sort of fucking hilarious.

‘’You can sent my broken booones, and I know CPR.’’ Christine sways a bit and Jeremys fist connects with the guys jaw, his face turning, and it’s like a ripple is set trough the cast as they increase the tempo a notch. Knucklehead #1 is struggling to get on all fours trough the imaginary pain.

‘’Well woah, you can punch real good.’’ Knucklehead #2 finally falls to the ground as the other gains his footing.

‘’You’ve lasted longer than I thought you wouuuuuld.’’ as he turns he takes a swing at Jeremy, arm flying around in a wide arc, still a little slower than real life.

‘’So hey, mister no-name-kid,’’ and he misses completely, Jeremy is standing there watching the fist fly by with an obvious distance between it and himself. Christine is walking up behind him, watching the fight intently, clearly part of this worlds time flow again as she moves at the same speed. Her singing remains the same.

‘’If sometime you’re freeeeeeeeeeee.’’ Jeremy makes a show of raising his arms, splaying them out in disbelief before reaching for the other guys head, leaning his own as far back as it will go.

‘’Wanna fiiiiiiiiiight for meeeeeeeeeee?’’ Christine raies a fist in the air as Jeremy slwoly, oh so slowly, brings his own head and the other guys head together. It looks like they’re just touching foreheads, which is kind of hilarious, but the expressions and the way they almost instantly part again makes it clear. This is supposed to look very painful.

‘’If you’re still aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiive,’’ Chrisitne sings, pumping her fist in the air, very on board with the show of violence in front of her. Jeremy leans all the way back, holding the other guys head out as far as he can reach, he pulls an intense face before slowly bringing them back yet again.

‘'I would fight for youuuuuuu,’’ Jeremy repeats the movements again, but as he leans back this time he lets go of the guys face. Christine is still pumping he fist in the air, looking super excited about the fight, looking super excited about Jeremy. The cast around them is coming alive singing their chorus of ‘holy shit’s.

‘’If you would fight for meeeeeeeeeee!’’ Knucklehead #2 goes down, clutching his forehead. Christine is still holing the final note as she steps to the front side by side with Jeremy. He raises a hand to smooth down his hair as she points to him with her thumb, nodding at a, somewhat, non existing audience as if to say ‘did you just see what he did?’. The small audience in the stands can’t help but agree. Oh yeah they just saw that. And it was fucking incredible. They have to fight the urge to stand up and clap. Jeremys eyes focus on them, and he gives a small mock bow, when he straightnes up again Michael swears he sees those blue eyes lock onto him. They hold him captive for a second before Mr. Reyes asks them to resume the start positions and then Michael finds he can breathe again. He swallows, mouth gone a little dry. He avoids eye contact with the others, but he knows there looking at him again. He just knows it.

They watch the same scene unfold another five times, but Mr. Reyes keeps stopping them, correcting movements or stances or timings or facial expressions. He’s a bit of a nit picker, Michael realizes, but he does see the improvement his directions have on the scene. They experiment a bit with what Christine can do as she moves trough the scene, unstuck in time. Try out different timings fro little things, trying to land the punch lines (ha) in the best ways possible. They’re on run trough number seven, perfecting the fake punches and trying to make them believable, when Jeremy holds the book just a little too close to his face, and the guy who’s pretending to swing at him miscalculates, and hit’s the book with a bit too much force. Jeremy puts one leg out behind him to steady himself, the heel of his foot making contact with the stage echoes loudly trough the room, and everyone stops. He’s looking at the black cover of the hardcover book, feeling something warm trickle down onto his upper lip, his eyes are watering from the sting in his nose, he sneaks his tongue out and yeah that’s definitely blood.

‘’Jeremy?’’ the guy who just punched him, Martin his name is he’s a real sweet kid really, asks worriedly. He realizes he’s been staring at the book for a few good seconds now. He lowers it, and as soon as his nose comes into view Martin gasps.

‘’Oh my god! Jeremy! I’m so sorry!’’ he practically yells, rains his arms and letting his hands hover in the space in front of Jeremys face, wanting to touch, to help, in any way he can but not knowing how. Christine rushes up beside him.

‘’Jermey! Oh my god are you okay?’’ she asks, holing onto his arm. Her hands are warm. He turns as if in a daze to look at her, sees her worried face and seem stop snap out of hit. Bringing a hand up to stop the steady drip of blood.

‘Yeah. Yeah I’m fine.’’ he glances down at his t-shirt, and sees a couple of small red dots. Oh great, this was one of his favorite t-shirts! Mr. Reyes steps up to have a look at him.

‘’Do you feel okay?’’ he asks, and Jeremy nods. His nose doesn’t really feel broken or anything, it’s just a little sore.

‘’Okay, go tot the bathroom and get cleaned up. Everyone else take 5!’’ Mr. Reyes says to the others as Jeremy makes his way to the exit. Michaelis up and out of his seat before anyone else gets a word in. He runs around the outside of the auditorium to meet up with Jeremy.

‘’You okay dude?’’ he asks, once Jeremy is within earshot. Jeremy turns, and he makes for quite the sight. Long dramatic black coat, slightly damp hair from all the physical activity, and blood smeared on his face. He looks…well not intimidating really, but he does look like someone you wouldn’t wanna meet in an alleyway at night.

‘’Yeah I’m fine, just need to go wash. I think it’s stopped bleeding already.’’ he says, selfconsciously rubbing the back of his neck with his not bloodied hand.

‘’I’ll help.’’ Michael decides and starts walking towards the bathroom, Jeremy having to catch up a bit. He looks like he’s about to protest, but seems to change his mind, settling on smiling instead.

‘’Thanks.’’ is all he simply says, but there’s a small smile there, under all the dried blood. Michael leads him to the closest bathroom, directs him to sit on a closed toilet lid, and proceeds to wipe the blood off of him with wet paper towels. Michael is concentrating on not agitating the most likely sore nose, and also getting rid of the dried blood under his chin, that he doesn’t notice Jeremy staring for a little bit. He glances up and catches Jeremys eye, raising one of his eyebrows he asks,

‘’What?’’ but Jeremy only smiles again, that same soft content smile, eyes crinkling and gaze so fond it feels like it might swallow Michael whole, might suffocate him, but wouldn’t that be a way to go? Smothered with love and affection. Sounds like it wouldn’t be the worst, especially if it was from Jeremy, Michael finds himself thinking. He’s glad it isn’t as easy to tell when he’s blushing as compared to Jeremy. Who has seemingly realized he’s been caught staring and is effectively turning into a tomato.

‘’Thanks.’’ is all he says, before averting his gaze, letting Michael finish up the job. He doesn’t protest like Michael thought he would, doesn’t insists that he could do it himself, really. He just…lets it happen. And when Michael’s done and happy with the clean up job, they walk back to the auditorium together, Michael showering him in praise over how bad ass Jeremy looked on stage, and Jeremy figure that one secret might go over very well with him. He wishes that wasn’t the one he was the least worried about to begin with anyway.

Opening night is right after Michaels birthday that May. His birthday is spent in the basement, like so many birthdays before, playing videogames and trying to land all seven of them in food comas. Well, eight this time around. Christine is there. The doorbell and rung one final time at 7:13 pm, and for a second Michael was confused, but it was just a second, because once he realized who was missing he was eagerly running to the door, throwing it open and yanking Christine into a hug.

‘’Yes! Now everyone’s here!’’ he shouts back into the house, and the gaggle of teens gather in the hallway, welcoming Christine. Jeremy is the next to hug her, after she’s removed her shoes (bright yellow doc martens) and jacket (denim and slowly filling up with pins), and she hangs onto him as they lead the way down.

‘’Woah! It’s like a hideout or something! This is so cool!’’ Christine exclaims as she reaches the bottom. And yeah, after having spent years in the same basement they might have gotten used to the decor, but this is Christines first time seeing it. The walls are lined with posters of all kinds, from games to movies to albums to artists to nonsensical shit Michael has found hanging around the city. He’s especially proud of the Swedish one reading ‘Jesus kommer snart, är du redo?’. There are also shelves upon shelves of games, movies, comics, and books covering one entire wall, along with a few stacks underneath the tv, and a few more in the corners. Michaels bed is unmade, covered in blankets and pillows, pac man printed sheets and a Link plushie lying on the floor by the foot of the bed. There’s also a desk (covered in papers) and a desk chair (covered in clothes that are clean enough for one more use, but not yet dirty enough to go in the hamper). It’s very much a lived in space, a little warm and a little dark, but it’s cozy. Jeremy always feels safe as soon as he descends into the atmosphere of the basement.

‘’Welcome to the humble abode of one Michael Mell.’’ Michael announces with a flourish and a bow, Christine giggles and offers up a courtesy of her own, pulling at her shark print t-shirt as if it were a dress,

‘’I humbly accept the invitation.’’ she manages trough her giggles, and when Michael looks up at her he breaks down into laughter of his own. It’s so easy to forget Christine wasn’t always a part of them, and it makes Jeremy happy to know he can have everything he wanted. He has his friends, he has Michael, he has his musical, and he has Christine, and they’re all mixing together and painting the most wonderful sight Jeremy thought he’d never see. He feels like he was afraid everything would get murky, but it just looks like the sky at dusk. Brooke is the soft yellow streaks in the clouds, sunshine rays breaking trough. Chloe is the light pink, turning into deeper darker shades as it enfolds the clouds in perfect harmony with yellow. Jenna is the deep magenta, commandeering and impossible not to notice, but so soft and playful and it wouldn’t be the same without her. Rich is the red burning across the sky, setting the horizon on fire with the raging end of the day, so much energy in such a little space. Jake is golden orange, stretching into the blue of the sky, up and up, keeping the red tethered and the clouds close. Christine is every shade of purple, from the light fluffy purple that bounces on the clouds to the deep purple that burns so brightly alongside the red, she’s ever present and fitting in between everything else. Michael is the deep deep blue, encompassing everything and promising the cover of night, a sky full of stars to admire, a blanket of comforting sleep to be draped over the world. These are his friends, and Jeremy loves them. And they keep reminding Jeremy that they love him too, and he’s convinced that one day they’ll even convince the little voice in his head that keeps lying to him. Jeremy knows where he fits into the picture. He is stormy grey, soft and muffling ashen, fluffy white on his very best days. He feels colorless, but even grey come sin different shades.

‘’I’m gonna kick everyones ass!’’ Rich yells as he belly flops into a beanbag.

‘’You don’t even know what we’re playing yet!’’ Jake accuses him, sitting down on the sofa. There are snacks and soda littered around the small seating area, unopened. The piazza has been ordered and all that’s left to do is to agree on what to play and watch for the night. Michael gets first pick as the birthday boy.

‘’I’m feeling very…gay today.’’ Michael says with a smirk, and the others stare at him in something akin to amused horror.

‘’What?’’ Christine asks, looking around at the others.

‘’Time to get good friends, it’s rainbow road time.’’ Michael exclaims as the others groan and laugh.

Rich does not kick anyones ass. Michael kicks most of their asses actually, Jeremy a close second, and Christine a surprising but well earned third. When the pizza arrives they settle dow to watch the movie Brooke brought. Hush. As a horror enthusiast she’s always armed with at least a couple of either very new or very old copies of movies at all times. The movie keeps them in suspense for just about the entire duration, and Jeremy finds himself with one arm full of Michael and the other arm full of Christine. Jeremy himself doesn’t mind scary movies all that much, there are even some he re-watches, but apparently Christine is as scared as Michael is. He doesn’t mind offering them comfort and safety, plus it feels nice being basically cuddled in between the two and their high body temperatures. Chloe is clutching onto Brooke as per usual, Jeremy figures that this must be a regular date night thing for the two. Jenna and Jake are pretty relaxed, jumping a few times at the jumpscares, but otherwise not reacting much. Rich hid behind the sofa as soon as something scary happened, and Jeremy has only seen brief glimpses of his hair peeking over the back, before something on screen startles him back down to the relative safeness of the floor, out of the view of the tv. By the end they’re all shouting, rooting for the lady and yelling at her to kick the creeps ass. When it’s over Jeremy turns to Brooke,

‘’That was fucking awesome! Maddie is a kick ass lady, holy shit! Did you see that final move? Corkscrew, the asshole never even saw it coming. Damn.’’ he gushes, and Brooke nods along enthusiastically.

‘’Right? I really like how the movie turned her weakness into her strength as well. And she definitely kicked some serious ass. Women are not to be messed with.’’ she says proudly.

‘’You got that right.’’ Chloe says, no less forceful despite the fact she’s still hiding behind her girlfriend. Although said girlfriend could probably survive any horror movie with her extensive knowledge. Maybe not the worst choice after all. Jeremy chuckles.

‘’You say that as if we don’t know it already.’’ he says with a smile, and Brooke smiles crookedly back at him.

‘’Ah! No! No no no no nononononononoooooooooooooooooooo!’’ Jake collapses defeated into the beanbag as the character on screen goes down. The small pixels disintegrating. Christine sits next to him, having died quite a while before Jake. They’ve tried their hand at level 5 of Apocalypse of the Damned, but alas, no one has gotten anywhere.

‘’This game is super hard! It’s gonna take forever to finish.’’ Christine whines. Rich laughs,

‘’It’s not meant to be finished, the real joy is struggling for your life trying not to be outsmarted by a videogame that’s older than we are.’’ he says.

‘’Yeah, me and Michael have been playing it forever, and we’re only on level 13.’’ the others stare at him,

‘’What?’’ he asks, bewildered.

‘’You guys didn’t tell us you made it past level 12!’’ Jenna complains.

‘’Yeah! Show us the new level.’’ Brooke agrees. Christine looks slightly confused, but relents the bean bag as Jeremy and Michael approach to take their seats.

‘’Okay so like, Jenna was totally right.’’ Michael says, and Jenna fist bumps the air. Jeremy navigates the menu to find the save file.

‘’Yeah, so this is the roof scene and there’s this one guy and you can’t even talk to him but he’s not a zombie or anything and we’re kinda trapped up there? You can’t go back down after going trough the door but it’s just a roof and the zombies are climbing up the walls.’’ Jeremy explains as the save file loads. And sure enough, the two pixelated avatars are on a roof top. There’s a little pixel dude that looks like he’s in a suit standing at the other end, and then zombies start climbing the sides of the building.

‘’You can’t interact with him at all?’’ Jake asks, and Michael shakes his head, eyes trained on the screen. Him and Jeremy are standing facing opposite directions, backs to each other. The best strategy not to get overrun.

‘’We’ve tried just about everything.’’ Jeremy says, cleaving a zombie in two with the fire axe he found in the staircase level. They cut down zombie after zombie, make a path to the guy, but they can’t even touch him. He takes no damage from hits, can’t be interacted with. They’d think he was a statue of he didn’t have the idle animation their own avatars also have. After a few more rounds of fighting, Michael having to drop his gun after running out of bullets, now slashing at the approaching hoards with a kitchen knife, they die. Jeremy first, and without Jeremy to watch his back Michael goes down not too long after.

‘’Fuck!’’ he shouts, throwing the controller on the ground.

‘’Start it up again.’’ Christine says with an intense look on her face. She’s leaning forward slightly, caught up in her own head, and Jeremy hits the blinking RETRY on the screen.

It’s the same short animation of the two avatars exiting the door onto the roof. The other guy stands there. Then the zombies come. Jeremy and Michael hold them off as best they can, waiting for Christine to say something. Which she does. Loudly.

‘’There! Jump off the roof!’’ she shouts, pointing to something in the lower right corner. Jeremy and Michael glance at each other, and before their eyes fully return to the tv in front of them they’re moving to the ledge Christine had indicated. They jump in tandem. The screen goes black and they hold their breaths. The game fades back in and they recognize the pixelated background as a football field.

‘’Christine you’re amazing!’’ Michael yells, and Jeremy throws an arm back to give her a very awkward hug. She giggles and watches as Michael and Jeremy expertly tackle the waves of football gear clad zombies rushing onto the football field.

It’s closing in on 1am, games have been played, movies watched, and now they’re mostly staying up for the hell of it. They’re all sprawled out across Michaels room. Chloe and Brooke have taken the sofa hostage, claimed for their cuddling needs. Christine and Jenna are sprawled across all three bean bags. Jake and Rich are on the floor. The floor is good. And Michael and Jeremy are on Michaels bed, legs dangling off the edge and staring at the ceiling. They’ve been like this for half an hour now, when one of them decided sitting upright wasn’t worth it anymore.

‘’Truth.’’ Brooke says, and Christine makes a thoughtful hum.

‘’What is…your biggest…pet peeve?’’ she finally decides on.

‘’Uuuuuuuuuuhh…oh! when I’m wearing one of those really long cardigans and it gets stuck on stuff like corners and ugh, I hate when that happens.’’ Brooke says, earning a giggle from Chloe and a sympathetic hum from Jeremy and his cardigan loving self.

‘’Jeremy, truth or dare?’’ Brooke asks.

‘’Truth.’’ he answers, not really wanting to risk having to move if he picked dare.

‘’What’s the deal with Ranch Dressing Boy?’’ she asks. Rich groans so loud it almost drowns out Michael and Jeremy laughing. Almost.

‘’Okay okay, so,’’ Jeremy begins once he’s calmed down again.

‘’This story is really stupid, but me and Michael made a pact that we would never let him forget it, and now we are swearing all of the people present into the same pact. Never forget what I’m about to tell you.’’ he sits up slightly and watches as they all nod, sealing the pact.

‘'In middle school Michael, Rich, and I became friends, right? Well middle school Rich was a weird kid, which is why we liked him I guess. He was weird in a good way, in a I-know-I’m-weird-but-I’m-owning-it way.’’ Jeremy begins.

‘’Awwwwww, you guys thought I was cool!’’ Rich interrupts before Jake smacks him lightly and makes shushing noises.

‘’Dude of course.’’ Michael says, clambering up so he’s leaning against the wall next to Jeremy.

‘'Well okay so one day the cafeteria staff are like freaking out about something, it’s a huge mess and they’re all running around trying to keep it secret that someone broke into the backroom and stole something. No one has any idea what’s been stolen. Everyone’s making theories from pudding to a teachers porn stash, at one point someone started a rumor that there had been like loads of drugs in there, and the week after someone had told their parents that a teacher had stashed drugs at school and that a kid had it now, so the parents call the police and then the police shows up and starts asking everyone if a teacher has ever tried to sell them drugs.’’ Jeremy is rambling as if he’s told this story a million times, but the other are listening intently. Rich looks like he wants to sink into the floor. Michael is looking at Jeremy, letting the words wash over him, looking at Jeremy as he gestures with his hands.

‘’Turns out! The math teacher was dealing drugs, so he gets arrested, then the police finally get to know what was actually stolen from the backroom, and then they all just leave with the math teacher. Mr. Thompson was a jerk though, so nobody really cared. Anyway, fast forward three weeks and we’re hanging out on the roof like the rebels we are, and then Rich pulls out a fucking crate. A crate! And he’s all dramatic like he’s confessing to a crime. He stole 27 bottles of ranch dressing from the backroom in the cafeteria, and why? What was the brilliant response you had for us as we scrambled to understand?’’ Jeremy gestures for Rich to reenact his response, and Rich covers his face, heaves a sigh, and says,

‘’I had a feeling it would help during the invasion.’’ Rich says, with no real feeling in his voice. The others erupt into wheezing laughter peppered with questions of why? and what?.

‘’We never got him to tell us what the fuck he meant by that.’’ Michael says, shrugging.

‘’It’s a mystery for the ages.’’ Jeremy agrees, making eye contact with Michael, and then they’re laughing again.

‘’And so it will remain!’’ Rich yells,

‘'Cus fuck if I remember why I said that.’’ he finishes, and they’re all sent back into hysterics.

‘’Ranch Boy.’’ Jake leans over and whispers into Richs’ ear, who promptly smacks him upside the head. It does nothing to stop the laughter.

‘’Michael, truth or dare?’’ Jeremy asks once everyone has calmed down into giggles.

‘’Truth.’’ Michael says, also not really wanting to risk a dare entailing moving from his spot, shoulder to shoulder with Jeremy.

‘’What’s something I don’t know about you?’’ Jeremy asks after a little bit. For a second it’s so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. The Michael says,

‘’Oh man, that’s hard, you know basically everything already dude.’’ but in his head he’s running trough secrets he’s kept over the years. They all sound about the same. I haven’t told you this thing because it leads back to me being in love with you. He scrambles to think of something, anything, and hides it with the very believable fact that they tell each other everything. Or well, he thought they did, but he doesn’t actually blame Jeremy for that. Plus it could have been a lot worse, a lot less fixable, than a love for performing and theatre and musicals. Oh. Maybe that’s something?

‘’I listened to the soundtrack to Heathers and then I got obsessed with it so I started listening to other soundtracks like Wicked and The Addams Family, so now I have like a whole playlist of super dramatic musical numbers that I usually listen to in the shower or in the car.’’ Michael says. And it’s true. He has found himself seeking out musicals after learning of Jeremys obsession. They do that a lot, the two of them. If one starts showing interest in something the other will soon follow suit, and then they’ll eventually start obsessing over it together. Their taste in things are so similar that there is rarely anything something one enjoys and the other doesn’t, but when those do crop up it’s not a big deal. It’s more of an I’ll-listen-to-you-rant-even-though-I-don’t-like-this-thing-as-much-as-you-do situation. It’s a pretty good system too. Michael glances over at Jeremy, who looks like he might as well have emptied the night sky of its stars, his eyes are stinging so bright. Michael smiles. Jeremy smiles back.

‘’Thanks.’’ he says, an understanding passing between them. Jeremy knowing Michael has figured it out at least a little, and is accepting this new aspect of his best friend, likes it even. Jeremy leans into Michaels shoulder a bit more.

Another hour passes like so, truths being shared, nothing major, a few sweet moments here and there. Until Chloe strikes.

‘’Truth or dare, Michael?’’ she asks him, and like an idiot he answers,

‘’Dare.’’ because he feels adventurous.

‘’I dare you to kiss Jeremy.’’ she says, smirk on her lips and deviousness in her eyes. It’s 2:21am and thus both too early and too late for this shit. Jeremy has gone bright red next to him.

‘’What the fuck, Chloe?’’ he says, ignoring that Jeremy has sort of frozen beside him.

‘’If you don’t wanna do it then you get to do a penalty instead. Here’s a hint, the penalty is the same, but worse. Choose your poison.’’ she says, and they’re all very very tired so the others are mostly giggling at the situation. He wishes they’d look at him and Jeremy and understand that they’re both kind of dying right now.

‘’You realize Jeremy has final say, I’m not gonna kiss him if he doesn’t want to.’’ Michael says, finally looking at Jeremy, who is still red, and fidgeting, whose eyes have gone just a tad glassy. Michael is hit with the thought that Jeremy probably wants this just as much as him. Then he realizes Jeremy doesn’t know Michael wants to as well. Oh boy. Jeremy makes fleeting eye contact with him, before his gaze darts away again.

‘’I don’t mind dude.’’ he says in a small voice. Michael reaches for Jeremys face before his mind can catch up with what he’s doing. He turns Jeremys head towards him gently, distantly nothing that his fingers have stilled but that his hands are still hovering in front of his chest. Michael leans in, guiding Jeremys head to tilt a little so their noses won’t crash, and connects their lips gently. Jeremy has a tendency to bite his lips when he’s nervous, and he’s nervous a lot, as a result his lips are always chapped. Michael feels it, but he also feels how soft and pliant Jeremy is, and is again hit with the thought that Jeremy must be enjoying this too, and it’s almost too good to be true. Jeremys arms unfreeze and reach out to hold onto the front of Michaels hoodie carefully, as if he’ll disappear if he holds on too tight. Michael smiles into the kiss, and that’s what breaks it. It feels like it lasted a lifetime, and Michael would have been happy to spend his life like that. Warm and comfortable next to Jeremy, kissing him into eternity and loving him even longer than that. In real time it was only like six seconds. He opens his eyes before Jeremy, and gets to see his long lashes flutter against his face, before staring into those deep blue eyes he’s found himself drowning in and saved by in equal measures.

‘’Not too bad.’’ Michael jokes, trying to ease the tension he can see in Jeremys shoulders. It helps a little, as Jeremy cracks a small smile. Bad move, Mell, Michael thinks to himself. Jeremy is flushed red, eyes sparkling, smile pure and radiant joy. He looks so fucking adorable Michael is sure if he wasn’t already in love with him he’d fall right then and there. Fuck he’s so gay. He turns to Jenna.

‘’Truth or dare?’’ he asks her, ignore the knowing looks they’re sending him, missing the knowing look Christine sends Jeremy.

‘’Truth.’’ Jenna says.

‘’What would you always make sure to have with you during a zombie apocalypse?’’ he asks her.

‘’Nerd.’’ she answers in a fond voice, before actually thinking it over.

‘’A car or some other sort of transportation.’’ she decides, and Michael nods his approval.

‘’Jeremy, truth or dare?’’ she asks next.

‘’Truth.’’ he answers, still slightly red faced.

‘’Who was your first kiss?’’ And he’s right back to full blown tomato. He covers his face with his hands.

‘’Michael.’’

‘’Wait what? That was your first kiss?’’ Michael asks, shocked. Jeremy can only nod.

‘’I thought you kissed Christine in the show? Haven’t you practiced?’’ Jake asks innocently enough. Jeremy hunches down.

‘’We were supposed to but I always chicken out.’’ he says in a meek voice, and Michael puts an arm around him.

‘’It’s cool as long as it’s cool with you.’’ Michael says, and he feels Jeremy relax a little under his arm.

‘’It’s cool.’’ Jeremy responds, peeking out from behind his hands.

Chatroom: Official Canigula Heere Fanclub

MythicBinch kicked Player 1 from the chat

MythicBinch changed group name from ‘Official Canigula Heere Fanclub’ to ‘Too Gay To Function’

MythicBinch added DDRqueen to the chat

MythicBinch: ey chrissy get this mikey has a huge gay crush on jerms and we r p sure jerms has a huge gay crush on mikey

MythicBinch: so we gon get these two idiots together if it’s the last thing we do

DDRqueen: Jermey has a huge gay crush on Michael #confirmed

DDRqueen: oh my god am I glad to know I was right

DDRqueen: but I do feel like I should be the voice of reason and tell you to let them figure it out themselves

DDRqueen: no offence, but meddling isn’t you guys’ strong suit

AmericanDragon: i claim responsibility for that one

DDRqueen: just give them some time

DDRqueen: until like, after opening night DDRqueen: if nothing happens after that I’ll talk to Jeremy

MythicBinch: deal

It’s the day before opening night, a Friday to be exact, and Jeremy comes to school wearing a beanie. His floppy bangs have been pushed underneath the dark blue knitted hat, and only the widows peak of his hairline is showing.

‘’What’s up with the hat?’’ Michael asks when he picks him up for school that morning. Not that he minds or anything, Jeremy looks really cute with the hat.

‘’Promise you wont laugh?’’ Jeremy asks, knowing deep down that Michael would never, but still needing to make sure to ease the nerves. Michael makes an x over his heart, and Jeremy smiles. He wrings his hands together, reaches up and grabs a fistful of the material, hesitates for a second before seemingly steeling himself and snatching it off in one quick jerky movement. He hair is fluffy and slightly curly, a bit messy from having been shoved under the hat. Oh and yeah, it’s pitch black. Michael is at a loss for words. Jeremy won’t look at him, running his hands trough his unruly hair and trying to het it to lie down somewhat normally. Michael reaches out with a hand, and Jeremy is so caught up in not looking at him that he flinches slightly when the hand touches his hair.

‘’Sorry.’’ Michael whispers. He doesn’t know why he’s whispering. Just runs his hand trough to help Jeremy conquer his hair problem.

‘’It’s okay.’’ Jeremy whispers back, because when someone whispers to you you gotta whisper back that’s the rule. He lets his own hands fall away, leaving Michael to fix it. Jeremy feels calmer, and it surprises him because he thought this would stress him out more. But the atmosphere in the car now is just, quiet and soft, calm. The music from the speakers having been turned down in favor of conversation now provides a gentle background noise. Michael retracts his hand after only a few seconds, looking over his handiwork and smiling, satisfied with the result.

‘’It looks nice, dude.’’ he says. Jeremy blushes slightly, smiling and tugging at a lock of hair behind his ear.

‘'Thanks dude.’’ he says.

Once they pull up to school however, the anxiety has returned full force. Michael is one thing. Michael is safe and accepting and the best human being Jeremy knows. School is different. School is prying eyes and whispers in the hallways and laughter that might not even be directed at him but his head will tell him it is and he’ll feel like everyone’s staring even if they’re not and just, no. No. He puts the beanie back on, and Michael gives him an understanding look and a one armed hug before they head into the building together.

Lunch rolls around, like it always does, and Jeremy is the last to arrive at the table.

‘’What’s up with the snazzy looking hat, homie?’’ Jake asks, and gets a raised eyebrow as an answer. Jeremy pulls his chair out and sits down between Michael and Christine. Jake sighs,

‘’I thought way too long about how to bring it up and it turned into something weird, sorry. But for real, hat?’’ Jake tries again, Rich tries to hide a snort behind his hand, it doesn’t work.

‘’Yeah, I mean it’s cute and a good color for you, but what’s up? Bad hair cut?’’ Brooke asks.

Jeremy heaves a sigh, makes eye contact with Michael for moral support, he puts a hand on Jeremys shoulder, then Jeremy reaches for the hat just like he did in the car. He pulls the hat off, ruffling his hands trough his hair to get rid of his hat hair. Christine squeals.

‘’You dyed your hair! You’re gonna be the best JD ever!’’ she yells before flinging both arms around his neck, Michael dodges out of the way of a wayward hand, but he’s smiling.

‘’Damn dude, cool!’’ Rich says, reaching out across the table to ruffle his had trough it. Chloe stops him. They make eye contact and Rich seems to catch himself.

‘’Oh, sorry, can I touch it?’’ he asks, arm still hovering in the space between them, he’s leaned out if his seat just about as far as he can, so Jeremy bends forwards and says,

‘’Yeah sure dude.’’ with a small giggle, and then Rich is running his hand trough the locks of black hair. Jeremy is staring at the table, and smiling. They all take a turn ruffling his hair, and Jeremy just keeps smiling brighter and brighter. Christine finishes ruffling his hair fondly, and that just leaves Michael. But he’s had his fill of ruffling, so he simply reaches out and fixes Jeremys hair like he did that morning, tucking a bit of hair behind his ear and smiling. His hand brushes against Jermeys cheek as he pulls it back.

‘’You gonna leave the hat off now?’’ he asks, with no expectations behind it. Jeremy bites his lip, glancing at the others at the table, they all give him reassuring looks.

‘’Yeah, I guess.’’ he says finally.

A few minutes before the bell rings Michael excuses himself from the table,

‘’I forgot a book in my locker, I’ll see you in English class, yeah?’’ he tells Jeremy, who nods happily before turning back to his conversation with Jenna. Michael garbs his bag, heavy with all the books he needs, and heads to the front desk.

‘’Are there any more tickets for the show tomorrow?’’ he asks.

‘’Just a few, none of them are next to each other though.’’ the lady answers.

‘’That’s okay I just need one.’’ Michael says.

Saturday morning Jeremy wakes up more excited and more worried than he’s ever felt before. He showers, gets dressed in a floral t-shirt, fluffs up his hair in the mirror. He’s still not really used to seeing himself with black hair, but he gets a small kick every time he catches sight of it in a reflective surface. It makes everything even more real. This is happening. Oh god this is happening. His smile falls a little. No. No we’re not going down that road. He shakes himself, waving the thoughts away, ignoring the rolling waves of nausea trying to overtake him. He mutes the urge in him to crawl back into bed, ignores the voice that says his clothes are terrible, he looks terrible, everything is terribly, being seen by anyone is going to be the worst thing ever today. He swallows, avoids looking at his reflection as he exits his bedroom, heads down into the kitchen. It’s 11am, and he’s going to head out to meet the others for something like lunch, before him and Christine head to the school to get ready for later that evening.

‘’I’m heading out dad!’’ He shouts behind him, opening the door and watching as Michaels PT Cruiser pulls up to the curb.

‘’When will you be home?’’ his dad shouts back.

‘’Like 9 at the latest I think, I’ll text you if I run late.’’ he slips on his converse, foregoes a jacket, deeming his cardigan enough for the pleasant warmth of spring.

‘’Have fun with your friends.’’ his dad says finally, and then Jeremy is out the door. Michael is rocking out to a song Jeremy can’t hear, singing along and dancing in his seat. Jeremy opens the door and

‘’Cut the monsters! Cut the curses! Keep the intro! Cut the verses!’’ Michael sings along.

‘’Are you listening to Shrek?’’ Jeremy asks, laughter in his voice. He settles in and closes the door, Michael ignores him in favor of dramatically flailing along to the song,

‘’And the waiting! The waiting! The waiting! The waiting! The waaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiitiiiiiiiiiiiing!’’ Michael pauses the song as the long tone ends, cutting Fiona off at the start of the next line.

‘’Hey don’t knock it!’’ Michael says, half defensive half laughing.

‘’I’m not!’’ Jeremy replies, giggling. He stops, looks down at his folded hands in his lap.

‘’But can we not listen to musicals, my nerves are kinda all over the place, I think I need something wordless.’’ he says, Michael reaches over and puts a hand on his shoulder.

‘’Of course dude.’’ he says, and then Rain by Sinitus Tempo is filtering trough the speakers. Slow and steady.

‘’There’s the star!’’ Jenna exclaims as Christine walks over, the lat to arrive at their chosen cafe. Christine makes a show of twirling and bowing gracefully, and the table claps as she sits down. Jeremy hands her the peppermint tea and blueberry muffin they’d gotten her earlier, and she smiles gratefully.

‘’So, how’re you feeling?’’ Michael asks, sipping his iced mocha.

‘’Like…like I’m about to explode from happiness and joy and nerves and the impatience of finally putting this show on for everyone to see.’’ Christine answers in a breath, and the others are smiling, laughing a little as she giggles. Jeremy smiles timidly, and Michael knocks his shoulder against his gently. Jeremy leans into the touch gratefully.

‘’I feel like I’m gonna vomit.’’ Jeremy admits, laughing nervously. Chloe raises an eyebrow.

‘’You almost always feel like that though, right?’’ Jeremy nods hesitantly.

‘’And it always turns out okay in the end.’’ Chloe finishes, matter of factly, like it’s a given nothing bad can happen.

‘’Yeah, chill out dude, you’ve practiced for a reason!’’ Rich says, reaching over and knocking his fist against Jeremys arm gently.

‘’Yeah Jeremy, if the rest of the performance is half as good as the part we saw in December, everything’s gonna be fine!’’ Brooke adds. Jeremy smiles gratefully.

‘’I’m so excited though, this is gonna be the first of many productions you’ll star in Jeremy, I’m sure of it! You’re gonna take the world by storm someday.’’ Christine says, jostling him slightly.

‘’Same goes for you Christine, I mean you’re already taking Middle Borough by storm, the world will follow.’’ Jeremy murmurs, lips quirked up at one side, eyes a little unsure.

‘’Well duh!’’ Christine says smiling brightly,

‘’But this is your first show, I’m an experienced veteran of the theatre!’’ she says, mock seriously.

They share a laugh.

The clock inches ever closer to 3pm, and Christine and Jeremy head off to get ready for the show at 5. They wave their goodbyes as the two exit.

‘’I need to go take care of something.’’ Michael says not long after, when he’s sure Jeremy and Christine are well on their way.

‘’What?’’ Rich asks.

‘’I’m gonna talk to Jeremys dad.’’ Michael says, and they let him go.

‘’We’ll meet you at the park, the one with the fountain.’’ Chloe says as he exits. and he gives a wave over his shoulder to let her know he heard her. He plays Wicked, hums along as he drives, and he finds himself outside the Heere household again in not too long. He feels in his pocket, touching the sliver of paper, and makes his way to the door. He rings the doorbell, and waits. Mr. Heere opens the door in a bathrobe, and is seemingly startled to see him there.

‘’Michael? Didn’t you pick Jeremy up earlier?’’ he asks.

‘’Uh, yeah. I’m actually here to talk to you.’’ he answers. Mr. Heere raises an eyebrow, but gestures for him to come in anyway, Michael does. They sit at the kitchen table. Michael pulls out the ticket he bought yesterday, places it on the table, and slides it towards him.

‘’Jeremy is in this. He’s good. I don’t think he told you, but I think he’d appreciate it if you came.’’ is all he says. Mr. Heere picks up the small sliver of paper.

‘’A musical?’’ Michael nods.

‘’I mean, he sings all the time, but I didn’t know he was this serious about it.’’ Mr. Heere admits.

‘’It’s today, at five.’’ Michael says. Mr. Heere looks at him with deep brown eyes, and they might be different in color, but he recognizes Jeremy in the sadness he sees there, in the regret, in the way they look both younger and older at the same time.

‘’Thank you, Michael.’’ is all he says.

The lights lower and the audience falls silent as if a spell has been cast. Thought the darkness Christines voice rings out, loud and confident.

‘’September first, 1989. Dear diary.’’ then the music kicks in. The light illuminates the stage, and there she is. Her hair is lightly curled, giving it volume.

‘’I believe I’m a good person.’’ they watch as she gestures her way across stage.

‘’I think there’s good in everyone, but here we are, first day of senior year and… I look around at all these kids I’ve known all my life and I ask myself.’’ she flings her arms out, book in one hand, a pen in the other.

‘’What happened?’’ she pleads, eyes searching the audience as if she can actually see anyones face over the blinding lights trained on her. The rest of the stage is illuminated, revealing the ensemble cast. Jeremy hasn’t made his entrance yet. Actually he doesn’t show up until the part they saw at rehearsal. Except it’s something else entirely. With he stage lighting and the full costume. His dark floppy hair styled and hanging in his face. He doesn’t look like Jeremy, his posture is relaxed and confident, and when those two guys walk up he doesn’t even flinch. He looks so unbothered by it all. The fight scene is even better this time around, and Christine sings her heart out, moving across the stage, hitting her cues and the comedic cues. The audience is wonderfully responsive as well. Laughing when the punchline drops and not being ashamed to do it. Jeremy and Christine had told them that sometimes people just don’t laugh during theatre even though some parts are supposed to be funny, just because they’re at the theater and feel like laughing isn’t appropriate, and then they get that trend going for the whole night and, yeah they’d been a bit nervous about that. The group make sure to laugh loudly and freely, just in case someone isn’t pulling their weight in the audience.

Jeremy doesn’t show up again until he’s striding into the makeshift stage set of a pink plastic 7/11.

‘’Greetings and salutations. Want a slushie with that?’’ he says, voice lowered just a little and tone confident. The black coat sways as he walks, moving with every motion, making his whole being that much more dramatic. It could be funny, if Jeremy wasn’t displaying the persona he’s currently putting on. The banter continues a bit, back and forth, Jermey picking up a cup and placing a straw in it.

‘’What’s a Baudelaire quoting badass like you doing in Sherwood Ohio?’’ she asks eventually.

‘’My dads work. He owns a deconstruction company.’’ he says, leaning casually against the pink shelf.

‘’DE-construction?’’ she stares quizzically at him.

‘’Yeah, the old man seems to enjoy tearing things down.’’ he un-slouches, planting his feet wide and making a slightly weird face with an equally weird voice,

‘’My name’s Big Bud Dean and if it’s in the way, I’ll make your day!’’ he says, gesturing with the hand not holding the slushie.

‘’Oh yeah! Then he pushes the plunger and the whole screen blows up.’’ Christine says, laughing kinda dorkily, looking out at the audience. Then she freezes, as if realizing what she’s just said.

‘’Uh, that’s…that’s your dad?’’ she says, looking back at him awkwardly. The audience laughs at her awkward tone.

‘’In all his semi psychotic glory.’’ Jeremy says offhandedly.

‘’Hmm, yeah well, everybody’s life’s got static.’’ she throws out, and on cue a very long very loud car horn drowns out all other sound, followed by a shout from off stage,

‘’VERONICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!’’ the two on stage stare off to the side, as if looking at the source somewhere beyond the edge. Once it dies out Jeremy looks back, and Christine waves her arms around as if to say ‘yeah’.

‘’For example, I don’t really like my friends.’’ she explains.

‘’I don’t really like your friends either.’’ Jeremy is quick to add.

‘’Bag the party, hang out here?’’ he offers her, easy smile on his face. The music starts up, gently in the background.

‘’Ooooh, seven eleven, swanky first date.’’ Christine answers, wagging her eyebrows a bit as she gets some candy from one of the few things that aren’t pink but actually looks real. She’s smiling bright, taking a couple steps closer.

‘’Come on, I love this place.’’ he answers, sweeping his arms out as if he is showing her some grand kingdom and not a small, mostly pink, seven eleven.

‘’No offense, but why?’’ she says, nibbling on the candy she picked up.

‘’I’ve been trough ten high schools, they start to get blurry.’’ he starts off, his voice is low and gentle, as if he’s still only in conversation with her. His profile is lit by the stage lights, and he looks magnificent. His face is open, tiptoeing around vulnerable, for the first time in the show.

‘’No point planting roots, cause you’re gone in a hurry.’’ he’s leaning on the pink shelf again, holding onto the cup like a lifeline. Michael isn’t sure if that’s Jeremy or JD, but it doesn’t look out of place anyway.

‘’My dad keeps two suitcases packed in the den, so it’s only a matter of when.’’ he shrugs as if he’s not bothered, but it’s a lie, his face looks sad, and Michael isn’t sure if it’s because he knows Jeremy or if Jeremy is just that good. He wouldn’t doubt his talents though.

‘’I don’t learn their names, don’t bother with faces.’’ the music swell slightly, and so does Jeremys voice.

‘’All I can trust is this concrete oasis.’’ he fondly runs a hand along the pink shelf, glancing around as if he’s appreciating the sight.

‘’Seems every time I’m about to despair, there’s a seven eleven right there.’’ he finally looks out across the audience, holding his hands up as if visualizing the corner store on the street up ahead of him. A crooked smile is playing on his lips, his hands are not shaking even though he’s now loosely holding onto the cup. Michael sees Jeremys shoulders lower slightly, and he knows. Jeremy’s got this in the bag.

‘’Each store is the same, form Las Vegas to Boston, linoleum isles that I love to get lost in.’’ he moves away, walking around the shelf, but keeping his eyes on Christine, walking towards her once he rounds the shelf.

‘’I pray at my altar of slush, yeah I live for that sweet frozen rush.’’ Jeremy stops in front of her and takes a long sip trough the straw, then makes a show of grimacing and putting his hand to his temple.

‘’Freeze your brain, suck on that straw, get lost in the pain.’’ his voice is back to slightly gentle, and the lights adopt a blue tinge as he turns to Christine again, who’s backing up very slowly.

‘’Happiness comes when everything numbs, who needs cocaine?’’ he takes a step closer, and she takes a step back, until they’re leaning against the edge of the raised part of the stage in the back.

‘’Freeze your brain, freeze your brain.’’ he sings gently, extending the cup towards her.

‘’Care for a hit?’’ he offers, speaking now.

‘’Does your mom know you drink all that crap?’’ she retorts.

‘’Not anymore.’’ he says simply, then he steps away from the edge, towards the audience.

‘’When mom was alive, we lived halfway normal.’’ he shrugs, Christine looks slightly scandalized. The audience chuckle at her dramatic face.

‘’Now it’s just me and my dad we’re less formal.’’ he gives the audience a ‘what can you do’ kinda face, but his eyebrows are pinched slightly.

‘’I learned to cook pasta, I learned to pay rent. Learnt the world doesn’t owe you a cent.’’ he sings, facing the audience fully.

‘’You’re planning your future, Veronica Sawyer.’’ as he sings her name, he whips his head around to stare at her again

‘’You’ll go to some college, and marry a lawyer.’’ he’s slowly turning around to face her again.

‘’But the sky’s gonna hurt when it faaaaalls, so you better start building some waaaaaalls.’’ He raises his arms, slushy cup still in his hand, and then lowers them slowly, finally coming to face her again.

‘’Freeze your brain.’’ he sings, raising the cup into the air now.

‘’Swim in the ice, get lost in the pain.’’ he sways it in front of her, as if trying to tempt her.

‘’Shut your eyes tight, til you vanish from sight, let nothing remaaaaaiiiiin.’’ his smile grows, as if this is a fact he is extremely happy about, slushy cup still held out in front of him, like temptation. Like salvation. Michael remembers what Jeremy had said about this song.

‘’Freeze your brain.’’ he turns back to the audience, walking towards the edge of the stage.

‘’Shatter your skull, fight pain with more pain.’’ he raises a hand an makes a motion as if something is exploding next to his head. His face is intense, but Michael can see Jeremy slipping though the cracks as JD breaks.

‘’Forget who you are, unburden your load.’’ his arm lowers, he’s singing his heart out, desperately flinging his heart out into the air.

‘’Forget in six weeks you’ll be back on the road.’’ he’s staring out into the bright lights and the darkness beyond. Michaels remembers how Jeremy had said he saw himself in JD.

‘’When the voice in your head says you’re better off dead, don’t open a veeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin.’’ the last word is sung like a desperate plea, voice rising rising rising. it’s so raw, like an exposed nerve, like a sore spot you keep touching just because it hurts. He remembers how he said he saw himself in JDs vulnerability. The music pauses as Jeremy heaves a few desperate gasps. There’s a moment of silence, as if he finds that calm space again.

‘’Just freeze your brain.’’ his voice is so soft and gentle, his eyes close, he brings his hands together, he looks serene. He looks at peace, like he finds the calm again.

‘’Freeze your brain.’’ his eyes open again, his face almost expressionless. Christine approaches from behind.

‘’Go on and freeze your brain.’’ he turns to look at her as she steps closer, singing the last few notes at her. Then the music changes.

‘’Try it.’’ he syas, the music playing a few sudden loud notes as he thrusts his arm out, offering it to her. The audience explodes. They’re clapping, and Jake is wolf-whistling, Michael is close to tears. He made a point not to listen to the song beforehand. He wanted Jeremy to be the one who sang it for him first, because it meant a lot to him, and now he knows. And he kind of wants to run on stage and hug his best friend, but he can’t, so he sits there, clapping like his life depends on it. Jeremy and Christine have to freeze for a second, as the clapping just keeps going, and Michael can see Jeremy fighting a smile, sees the pleased flush of his face, even though it’s barely visible from the lights. Christine grabs the cup as the applause finally dies down, and takes a good, long sip of it.

‘’Yeah, I don’t really get the big dea- Oh son of a bitch!’’ she bends over, putting a hand to her temple, and the fact that Christine just swore startles a laugh out of the six of them. They look at each other as if to convoke each other that yeah they really just heard that.

‘’Veronica!’’ Heather yells from off stage again

‘’Ah, I gotta go.’’ she hands the cup back as she gestures with a thumb over her shoulder, taking a step backwards to where the shout came from.

‘’So I see.’’ Jeremy replies, a coy smile on his lips a she reaches out and takes the cup back. He looks fine again, as if Jeremy hadn’t been seconds away from some sort of breakdown. Michael swallows thickly, tries to tell himself Jeremy sees it as a comfort song, because it reminds him of Michael. He feels slight pinpricks behind his eyes, but holds it back.

Michael gapes trough the scene where Jeremy literally kills someone holy shit what the fuck. And then Jeremy steps back onto stage holding two guns and oh my god, Okay yeah things just got a whole lot more real.

‘’Woah, are those real?’’ Christine says, voicing Michaels own question out loud. Logically he knows it isn’t real, like in the real scope of things. But in the play? Who knows anymore.

‘’Yeah, but we’re filling them with ‘Ich Luge’ bullets.’’ Jeremy says, and Michael doesn’t know german but he’s pretty sure that’s bullshit.

He was right that’s total bullshit.

‘’Three.’’ Jeremy says as he steps out of the shadows at the edge of the stage. A shot louder than thunder sounds trough the entire auditorium, and then one of the two boys standing there in boxer falls to his knees, and collapses. Christine shoots at the other, but he runs away. Christine laughs at first, then Jeremy chases after the guy who ran away, and as they shout off stage, Christine edges closer to the boy on the floor.

‘’Ram? …Ram you’re just unconscious, right?’’ she shakes him violently, desperation in her voice, fear in her eyes.

‘’Ram!? Ram!?!’’ she’s shaking him furiously now. The still alive boy runs back onstage, Jeremy hot on his heels. Jeremy looks furious, waving a gun around. He actually looks kinda scary.

He shoots the kid, and it’s just a play, but right then and there he’s channeling JD so well Michael forgets it’s actually Jeremy. Then he sees the gun shake slightly, and he knows Jeremy is still in there, and probably a little horrified at having pretended to kills someone.

‘’What the fuck have you done!?’’ Christine yells in anguish, and Jeremy turns to her, shadows hiding his face slightly as he stares down at her, singing as he approaches.

‘’I worship you. I’d trade my life for yours. We’ll make them disappear. We’ll plant our garden here.’’

Christine falls to her knees, crying, and Michaels heart aches. Jeremy approaches, tries to hug her, but she pushes him away.

‘’Our love is god. Our love is god.’’ Jeremy sings as he embraces her anyway, forcing her to let him hold her, and if Michael didn’t know Jeremy he’d be include to punch him right then and there.

They sing that line again and again, together, until the ensemble cast approaches from behind and the lights dim.

‘’Our love is god!’’ Jeremy sings one final time, and then the stage is plunged into darkness.

The lights come on signaling intermission, and Michael leans forward to look down the row at his friends, and they look back at him with the same expression.

Holy.

Shit.

‘’This is fucking intense dude.’’ Jake says, collapsing back in his seat, Rich nodding his agreement.

‘’Like, I knew it was dramatic, but damn.’’ Jenna says.

‘’I need a snack.’’ Michael says, and stands up as if in a daze.

‘’I’ll come with.’’ Brooke says, and together they make their way out.

‘’Jeremy’s like…a whole other person on stage, isn’t he?’’ Brooke says as they exit the auditorium.

‘’Yeah.’’ Michael agrees, a very intelligent and in depth response he knows, but it’s all he’s capable of. They continue making smalltalk, buying drinks and snacks for their friends, before heading back in for act 2. It starts of with organ music, and Christine centre stage with a spotlight trained on her. The sombre atmosphere fades away as ‘I love my dead gay son’ kicks off. Michael thinks this dude might be one of his faves so far. The stage goes dark as they finish, the backdrop lighting up in rainbows before the lights go back up, leaving Jeremy standing with his arms outstretched and Christine with a confused expression and stance. A generally confused everything. Jeremy starts sniffing the air as he steps closer to Christine.

‘’What’s that smell? is that?…tolerance?’’ the audience laughs. Christine begs him to give up on killing people, and it seems to work. For now. It’s all downhill from there however. Michael feels his heartbeat speed up to a rhythm he didn’t think the human body was capable of as the ghostly forms of the three dead teenagers follow Christine to her room.

‘’Sorry for coming in trough the window, dreadful etiquette I know!’’ Jeremy says, not looking the least bit sorry. He jumps down onto the stage, leaving Christine on the raised back part.

‘’All is forgiven baby! Come on get dressed, you’re my date to the pep rally tonight!’’ he shouts. He looks like a mad man. Stepping forward so he’s facing the audience he starts singing,

‘’You chucked me out like I was trash for that you should be dead. But, but, but.’’ he waves his hand in time with the beats.

‘’Then it hit me like a flash, what if high school went away instead!’’ he gestures wildly with the piece of paper.

‘’Those assholes are the key, they’re keeping you away from me.’’ he gestures angrily, his voice is slightly strained, and there’s a certain look on his face. Like he’s keeping back the anger, the hurt. Michael didn’t know Jeremy could look like that. He’s actually very glad he’s never seen him have reason to look like that.

‘’They made you blind, messed up you mind, but I can set you free!’’ he sings out towards the audience, gesturing wildly with his arms.

‘’You left me and I fell apart, I punched the wall and cried.’’ he walks backwards, turning towards the raised part of the stage, drawing his arm back,

‘’Bam! Bam! Bam!’’ he punches it three times, yelling each time. Christine flinches where she stands above him.

‘’Then I found you changed my heart and set loose all that truthful shit inside.’’ walking back out towards the audience, he gestures to his chest, almost punching himself in the ribs.

‘’And so I built a bomb, tonight our school is Vietnam!’’ at the side of the stage the ensemble cast, the students, walk out, a spotlight illuminating them.

‘’Let’s guarantee they’ll never see their senior prooom!’’ Jeremy stalks towards them, like an animal stalking towards its prey.

‘’I was meant to be yours. We were meant to be one. Don’t give up on me now. Finish with we’ve begun. I was meant to be yours.’’ his voice changes, going back to that gentle sweet voice as the lights illuminate the stage, he looks almost innocent where he stands next to the students. But he’s dressed in all black, in contrast to their colorful wardrobe, and he looks more like a harbinger of death that anything else. The Stage plunges into almost darkness again,

‘’So when the high school gym goes BOOM with everyone inside,’’ he’s back to angry gesturing, face contorting in anger. He turns to the group students,

‘’Pchw! Pchw! Pchw!’’ pretending to shoot them as a red spotlight illuminates him, casting odd shadows across his face, his mad grin standing out like nothing they’ve ever seen before.

‘’In the rubble of their tomb, we’ll plant this note explaining why they died!’’ he walks back, until he’s centre stage again, the music cuts out, as the voices of every single student rise in ominous harmony,

‘’We the students of Westerburg High, will die. Our burnt bodies may finally get trough, to you. Your society turns out slaves and blanks, no thanks. Signed the students of Westerburg High. Goodbye.’’ he throws his arms out again, letting his voice pour out,

‘’We’ll watch the smoke pour out the doors, bring marshmallows we’ll make s’mores. We can smile and cuddle while the fire rooooaaaaaars.’’ the students are bathed in red light, a grim visualization of what he’s got planned, but Jeremy looks thrilled.

‘’I was meant to be yours, we were meant to be one.’’ the light shifts again, back to illuminating, back to something akin to comfortable.

‘’I can’t take it alone, finish what we’ve begun.’’ Christine looks horrified where she stands, staring at him, glancing at the students, glancing at the three dead teenagers next to her.

‘’You were meant to be mine!’’ he pounds his chest again, basically screaming the words instead of singing.

‘’I am all that you need!’’ he sounds so desperate, pleading, broken open and spilling everywhere.

‘’You carved open my heart!’’ he tugs something out from beneath his coat, brandishing the gun.

‘’Can’t just leave me to bleed!’’ he clutches the gun to his chest, before running off towards the small staircase leading up to the raised part of the stage. The lights go out, except for a spot on him from the back of the stage, his back is encased in a halo of white light, and he is the consuming black void in the middle.

‘’Veronica open the- open the door please. Veronica open the door.’’ he holds a hand out towards the upper level, where it’s dark and they can’t really see much besides four shapes scrambling around.

‘’Veronica can we not, fight anymore, please. Can we not fight anymore?’’ he takes a step closer to the staircase, hand still reaching out. Then all the lights go out, and it’s just Jeremy.

‘’Veronica, sure, you’re scared. I’ve been there. I can set you free!’’ he’s barely visible, a spotlight from above all that makes his black frame stand out against the blackness of the rest of the stage. His hair makes the light shape a halo around him. Like an angel of death.

‘’Veronica, don’t make me come in there! I’m gonna count to three!’’ he shouts, aiming the gun into the darkness. Then the lights go out totally.

‘’One.’’ he stand still, barely visible.

‘’Two. Fuck it.’’ the staircase lights up, and he scrambles towards them, as if he’s running for his life. As he reaches the top the lights come back on and Christine is hanging there with a noose around her neck, swaying lightly. Jeremy falls to his knees, broken.

‘’Oh god…No! Veronica!’’ he shuffles closer, just a little, makes as if to reach out.

‘’Please don’t leave me alone, you are all I could trust, I can’t do this alone.’’ his hand falls to the floor, he bows his head, voice shaky.

‘’Still I will if I muuuuuuuuuuuust!’’ his voice grows, he looks up into the light that shines on veronica, hands balled into fists. The stage goes dark.

‘’Veronica?’’ the girl playing her mom asks the darkness.

‘’I brought you a snack.’’ she says, appearing at the edge of the stage.

‘’Veronica?’’ she asks a final time, and the lights flood back, revealing that Jeremy is gone, but Christine is still dangling from a noose. She approaches the staircase, catches sight of Christine and she screams. Christine slips her head out immediately, and it devolves into the two just screaming at each other. The dad comes in as well, and they talk before Christine grabs the croquet mallet to arm herself, and steps towards the centre of the stage. A red spot makes her blue jacket purple, and her voice is strong and filled with a mix of anger and regret as she sings.

‘’I wanted someone strong who could protect me.’’ she starts, her voice shaking with anger.

‘’I let his anger fester and infect meeee. His solution is a lie, no one here deserves to die. Except for me and the monster i’ve createeeeed, Yeeaaah.Yeeaaaaaaaah.’’ her voice rises, filled with resolution, and her face is fierce and grimly determined.

‘’Heads up JD, I’m a dead girl walking.’’ she raises the mallet into the air, brandishing it as a weapon. The students enter from the side, singing in the background.

‘’Can’t hide from me, I’m a dead girl walking.’’ she sings, still holding the mallet aloft.

‘’And there’s your final bell,’’ she lowers the mallet and raises her other arm, pointing up to an unseen bell, but it rings all the same.

‘’it’s one more dance and then farewell.’’ she gestures her arm in a slashing motion, like a vicious knife, cutting across the air and bringing an end to everything.

‘’Cheek to cheek in hell, with a dead giiiiirl waaaaalking.’’ she has the mallet raised again, and the students begin marching up onto the raised part of the stage. The lights are red, and everything looks red, and Michael has always always like the color red, but he could do with a little less red right about now.

‘’Veronica! Jason Dean told me you’d just committed suicide.’’ the teen playing Mrs. Flemming exclaims as she practically runs into Christine.

‘’Yeah well, he’s wrong about a lot of things.’’ Christine throws out, swinging the mallet slightly.

‘’I threw together a lovely tribute, especially considering the short notice.’’ she sounds almost sad, Christine seems to ignore her,

‘’Mrs. Flemming what’s underneath the gym?’’ she asks instead.

‘’Boiler room.’’ Mrs. Flemming answers, straight to the point.

‘’That’s it.’’ Christine says and makes to walk off.

‘’What’s going on?’’ the question is thrown after her, Christine twirls around, still moving,

‘’Got no time to talk I’m a dead girl walking!’’ and then she twirls back, running off stage. The lights dim and the red illuminates the back of the stage, where the students are lined up with pom poms.

‘’Hey yo, Westerberg! Hey yo, Westerberg! Tell me what’s that sound? Here comes Westerberg Comin’ to put you in the ground! Go go, Westerberg! Give a great big yell! Westerberg will knock you out, and send you straight to hell!’’ the lights switch, illuminating the lower part as the students turn their backs to the audience. Jeremy is there, Clutching something and then turning away to place it on the ground. He’s obscuring exactly what it is, but it’s not a difficult guess. He places it on the small wall of the raised stage, and then Christine enters.

‘’Step away from the bomb.’’ she says, decisive, no room for argument. And Jeremy jerks back, revealing that yeah, that is a bomb actually. Fucking hell.

‘’And here I thought you’d lost your taste for faking suicides.’’ Jeremy says as he gets up again.

‘’Oh, and this little thing?’’ he says lightly, almost jokingly, pointing at the bomb, bending over a bit as if to inspect it.

‘’I’d hardly call this a bomb.’’ he concludes. He walks closer to her.

‘’This is just to trigger the packs of thermals upstairs.’’ he says, pointing upwards at different spots as he approaches.

‘’Those are bombs.’’ his voice drops again, dangerously low, and he pulls the gun out from his coat again. Levels it at Christine, who stands there, staring it down as if she doesn’t fear death. Michael holds his breath.

‘’People are gonna see the ashes of Westerberg High School and they’re gonna think ‘there’s a school that self-destructed not because society doesn’t care but because that school was society’.’’ he steps closer, grabbing hold of the gun with both hands. Is voice is cold, rising every now and then, and he looks so threatening Michael is impressed with Christine for standing her ground.

‘’The only place that Heathers and Marthas can get along,’’ he cocks the gun,

‘’Heaven!’’ he finishes forcefully.

‘’I wish your mom had been a little stronger. I wish she stayed around a little longer.’’ she sings gently, stepping closer, and he steps back to avoid her.

‘’I wish your dad were good! I wish grown-ups understood!’’ she keep advancing, and he keeps backing up, her voice growing in power. They stop centre stage.

‘’I wish we’d met before, they convinced you life is war!’’ he adjusts his grip on the gun, it’s shaking slightly, and Christine is pleading with him, trying to reach out, but he won’t budge.

‘’I wish you’d come with me-‘’ she tries, only to be interrupted,

‘’I wish I had more TNT!’’ Jeremy almost screams, glancing at the thing stuck to the wall. Christine knocks his arm away, and starts grappling with him. She has to drop the mallet, but then she’s trying to pry his had off of the gun, which seems like a smart move. They keep grappling for it, changing positions and the lights are slowly dimming making it hard to see where the gun is. They’re chest to chest and then it goes off. A spot illuminates the two, Jeremys shocked face, Christines tense shoulders. She takes a small step away, and Jeremy goes down, gun still clutched in his hand. He makes a dull thud in the silence as he hits the floor. Michaels heart lurches in his chest at the small sound he makes on impact.

‘’Was that good for you, cus it kinda sucked for me.’’ Jeremy says, voice strained with imaginary pain, but it sounds so real. He still has the gun, aiming it at Christine, but it looks like he can barely hold his head up to look at her. It proves to much, because his head falls back again, this time for good it seems. Christine rushes over, falling to her knees.

‘’It’s over, it’s over JD, it’s gonna be okay, which wire do I pull? Which wire do I pull, JD?’’ she asks, desperately, voice on the verge of crying as she leans over him. Then she realizes, and she falls back to sit on the floor, hand covering her mouth and eyes glistening. She glances to the bobm, and struggles to get to her feet. She’s limping, clothing the edge of the raised stage part, and then she grabs the bomb, and the stage goes dark. When the lights come back on they’re green, and Christines voice fills the silence.

‘’Dear diary, the irony of this is that I never got to write my own suicide note.’’ she’s clutching the bomb to her chest, and a few sparse chuckles sound from the audience.

‘’Smart girl.’’ Jeremy says from the other side of the stage, he’s holding onto his stomach, clutching the small staircase on that side for support, his voice is laced with pain and he can barely stand. Christine steps back, even though she’s on the opposite side, almost as far away as she can get, already.

‘’Bring the trigger bomb, out here to the football field, and nobody dies. Except you, if you keep holding onto that thing.’’ he uses the edge of the raised part of the stage to make his way closer, pausing to suck in air trough the pain every now and then. He sounds so sad.

‘’I don’t deserve to live.’’ the words are barely out of her mouth before Jeremy retorts,

‘’I respectfully disagree.’’ he lets go of the edge, taking a few stumbling steps towards her.

‘’Give it to me.’’ he says reaching for it, but she steps away, he falls to the floor without the support. ‘’Stay away from me.’’ she says as she goes down with him, stumbling as she’s stepping backwards.

‘’Or what?’’ he asks, almost breathlessly.

‘’I am damaged, far too damaged.’’ he sings, leaning back a little. He does sound…damaged. Defeated.

‘’But you’re not beyond repair.’’ he sings to her, as if realizing he’s beyond saying, but maybe she isn’t. He locks his eyes on her, as fi he’s spotted the last way out, the last chance at salvation, the last good deed he’ll ever be capable of doing. Letting her live.

‘’Stick around here, make things better.’’ he crawls closer, dragging himself by his arms, and he gets so close he’s almost hovering over her. Then he reaches out with the arm not supporting his weight.

‘’Cause you beat me fair and square.’’ he tugs at the bomb, pulling it from her limps arms, and hurries to get out of her reach again. Clambering until he’s standing again, almost like he’s forget ting he has an injury, spurred on by adrenaline and the knowledge it’ll all be gone soon.

‘’Please stand back now.’’ he sings gently, and Christine struggles to her get up, leg still bothering her, but she makes it in the end.

‘’Little further.’’ he sings, and she limps away.

‘’Don’t know what this thing will do. Hope you’ll miss me. Wish you’d kiss me.’’ he’s walking towards the centre stage, and once he reaches it he looks back at her.

‘’Then you’d know I worship you.’’ he turns to face her completely, face resigned, posture ramrod straight and determined.

‘’I’ll trade my life for yours.’’ his voice grows.

‘’Oh my god.’’ Christine sings slightly louder, the events catching up to her.

‘’And once I disappear.’’ he raises his voice over hers again.

‘’Wait hold on-’’ she increase her volume too, desperately so.

‘’Clean up the mess down here.’’ Michael feels tears on his face.

‘’Not this waaaaayyy!’’ Christine pleads one final time.

‘’Our love is god, our love is god, our love is god, our love is god, our love is gooooooooooood.’’ the music swells, ever louder, ever approaching the inevitable. The stage darkening slightly.

‘’Say hi to god.’’ Christine barely manages to get out, her voice choked up. Then the explosion happens. Chloe screams, Michael feels himself startle, feels Jake do the same next to him. The stage had glowed a vibrant orange for a split second, then smoke had erupted from somewhere, and the stage had gone dark. The thought that he’ll get to see Jeremy and hug him and hold him and make sure this isn’t real is the only thing that keeps the sobs from breaking out, and Michael is sorta happy he isn’t breaking down into hysterics because of a musical. He’s just, very close to breaking down into hysterics because of a musical.

The lights come back on and the residual cloud of smoke hangs over the back of the stage. The students and teachers make their way onto the fully lit stage, they’re talking amongst each other, one of them might crack a joke but Michael sin’t really paying attention. Christine limps her way onto the stage, stopping in the centre. The other stare at her, and then the two remaining Heathers approach her, she kisses one on the cheek.

‘’Listen up folks, war is over, brand new sheriffs come to town.’’ she sings, holding the red scrunchie above her head.

‘’We are done with acting evil, we will lay our weapons down. We’re all damaged, we’re all frightened.’’ she sings, tying her hair with it.

‘’We’re all freaks but that’s alright. We’ll endure it, we’ll survive it.’’ her arms fall to her sides, she looks so tired, but then a smile blooms across her face as she looks at Martha,

‘’Martha, are you free tonight?’’ her voice lifts, the tiredness the hurt the pain, all vanishing in an instant. Like she has let it go, like it was nothing, like she can move on.

‘’What?’’ the girl asks, looking like a question-mark, arm in a sling.

‘’Um, my date for the pep rally kind of blew-…me off. So, I was wondering, if you weren’t doing anything tonight, maybe we could pop some Jiffy Pop, rent a video, something with a happy ending?’’ she says, approaching her.

‘’Are there happy endings?’’ it sounds defeated, but there’s a strand of hope in there that Christine tugs on. They sing their way to a happy ending together. They finish strong, and the applause has started even before the lights go out, but it just continues as they come back on, The stage is empty. Backstage Christine has her arms around Jeremys neck, hugging him as the ensemble cast run back onstage.

‘’You were amazing.’’ she whispers into his hair, and he can do nothing but return it,

‘’So were you.’’ he says, and then he has to go. He sees the lights open up before him, runs out onto centre stage. The applause doubles, triples, someone wolf-whistles, and he smiles the biggest he’s probably ever smiled as he lets it wash over him, and he bows. Then he steps to the side and Christine steps out. The audience goes absolutely crazy. She does a bow, then grabs for his hand so they can bow together. The entire cast bows, gestures to the sound and light crew, and then they’re running offstage again.

He gets changed in a blur, he’s so sweaty but he’s riding a high the likes of which he’s never felt before, and in this moment he feels invincible. Like he could take on anything, and maybe even win. Like he could tell his secrets to the people who could hurt him the easiest, and live. He’s back in his street clothes. Pastel yellow floral t-shirt, baby blue jeans, cardigan. He feels so light, like he could soar off into the sky at any moment. Then he exits the dressing rooms and sees Michael, and he knows he wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else than here, right now.

‘’Michael!’’ he yells, he actually yells. He’s so excited. Michaels head snaps to him, and okay yeah no, this is the biggest he’s ever smiled. Michael answers his smile with a blinding one of his own and Jeremys heart leaps. He could kiss him, right there, he could. He feels like he could. Just lean in, press Michael up against the wall and kiss him senseless.

‘’Jeremy!’’ Jenna calls, and he sees the rest of the group making their way over, and then Christine is exiting the dressing rooms and they’re all there.

‘’You were amazing!’’ Jake yells, and everyone joins in, complimenting, sharing their enthusiasm, clambering to tell the two how amazing they were. It takes a few minutes for them all to calm down, but pressed together in that small corner of the hallway, Jeremy feels surrounded by love, so he decides to jump into it, hoping they’ll catch him.

‘’I’ve got something I really need to say.’’ and they all go quiet, he didn’t really expect that, but they look at him, so expectant, he doesn’t want to disappoint them.

‘’I’ve been obsessed with musicals and theatre for a few years now and I kinda wanna get on Broadway one day if I can manage?’’ he says in a rush, voice dying down towards the end and lifting at the very end, so it’s more a question than a statement. They don’t seem to care.

‘’You’re gonna rock the world, Jeremy.’’ Chloe says confidently. and then he gets caught up in another wave of compliments and reassuring and the wave carries them out into the parking lot after a while. Jeremy feels indestructible.

‘’I’ll drive you home, yeah?’’ Michael says as the other part ways, the promise of a proper hang out tomorrow to celebrate having been established.

‘’Yeah, thanks dude.’’ Jeremy says, and they get into the car, into the old worn and comfortably familiar seats. Player 1 and Player 2. Against the world. Jeremy is practically buzzing the entire ride over, making small talk and discussing the show and it alternates between Jeremy gushing over how much fun he had and Michael gushing over how amazing he was. Jeremy doesn’t notice the way Michael keeps tightening his hands on the wheel, how he’s waiting for something. It’s so close, Michael can swear he can taste it in the air between them. He’s waited so long for tonight, and Jeremy is happy like he’s never seen him before, so confidently talking about the things he thought he did good. He pulls into Jeremys driveway far too quickly. He just sits there for a moment, letting Jeremy finish the tangent he had started, just looking at him. Just taking in the glowing eyes the smile the blush the way he’s gesturing. Everything that makes Jeremy, Jeremy, Everything that makes him love him.

‘’But uh, yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow?’’ Jeremy finishes, and Michael hesitates for a second, only a second, before he’s smiling and nodding.

‘’Yeah dude! Gotta party properly, but I can tell you’re about to crash, so go get some rest.’’ he says, and there’s a pit opening in his chest, a black hole nestled in-between his lungs, trying so very valiantly to swallow him whole. He keeps it at bay. Jeremy opens the door. He’s got a leg outside the door when he turns back, looks at Michael and tries to find the courage he had earlier, in the hallway. When he thought he could conquer the world, and have everything he wanted, when he thought he deserved to be happy. Something aches in his chest, and the ache makes him open his mouth, makes him say,

‘’Michael? I…’’ he hesitates, looks down at his lap, back up at Michael, back down to his lap.

‘’Yeah?’’ Michael urges, tense and exited all in one, as if he’s on the brink of falling. He doesn’t know if it’s a goof fall or a bad fall yet.

‘’It’s nothing.’’ Jeremy says, and gets out. Michael stares at the door as it closes, wants to reach out, wants to take what he knows he can have, wants to grab a hold of Jeremy and never let him go. Jeremy is making his way around the car, up towards his door. Michael lets the voice in him win for once, opens the door, gets out, takes a step. Then Jeremy turns.

‘’Michael, wait! I-‘’ he turns and comes face to face with Michael. He looks puzzled.

‘’Sorry, it just…it seemed important.’’ Michael says lamely. Jeremy smiles.

‘’I guess it kinda is.’’ he takes another step closer, and Michael resist taking a step back, letting the distance between them close.

‘’Michael, I’m…’’ he starts, trying to find it in himself to finish, There’s something in the pit of his stomach, something dark and writhing and nauseating and it wants to consume him, wants to drag him down and-

‘’You?’’ Michael asks, and he looks, hopeful? He looks like he needs to know what Jeremy has to say, and the dark feeling is suddenly flooded over with butterflies. His chest fills with warmth and he thinks that even if Michael were to break his heart right now, he could live. He could. Probably.

‘’I love you.’’ he says. It hangs in the air between them, the space that seems to be shrinking, inch by agonizing inch. Michaels face blooms into the most beautiful smile Jeremy has seen in his entire life, and he’s leaning closer closer.

‘’I love you too.’’ Michael whispers into the scant inch that’s left between them, then he reaches up and cups Jeremys face with his hands, closing the distance. Jeremy lets his arms rise, latching onto the front of his hoodie like he did in the basement, what feels like forever ago. It’s not as good as the first one, it’s so much better. It’s so much more. It might even be perfect.

#my fics #boyf riends #bmc #bmc fic

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