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nekojitachan · 7 years

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More Raven!Neil! This is coming on in in bits and pieces, but sooner or later I’ll have a complete chapter which means I’ll HAVE to start writing the thing properly.

Andrew POV for now (probably because most of H4 is Andrew POV).

*******

Andrew thought it had been tiring enough, dealing with Kevin back in June when he’d discovered Riko’s little stunt with the district switch and everything, with the Foxes finding out that they’d be facing the Ravens on the court that season. Dealing with the coward swinging back and forth between ‘we’re not good enough’ and fighting with the rest of the rejects as he struggled to make the Foxes into some sort of team ‘worthy’ of their Class I Exy status – fighting literally with Boyd and Gordon most days, to the point that Andrew was getting rather annoyed with having to remind those two morons about his ‘don’t touch’ rule.

Not even Kevin’s little shadow, Mitchell, could put him in a good mood, not when Kevin spent half his time griping about Mitchell’s lack of skill, about how he wasn’t learning fast enough. There’d been the failed attempt at joining in on the late night practices on the kid’s part, until he’d shown up twice the next morning with his arms blown out and Wymack had put his foot down.

A pissy Kevin was almost as bad as a sniveling Kevin, which was still better to the almost catatonic Kevin staring at the computer screen in Wymack’s office just then; the old man had called Kevin in after they’d finished their morning workout, something about the Raven’s finally announcing their season’s line-up – something about a new striker.

Andrew gave Wymack a flat look as he went around the man’s large desk, deliberately reaching out to push over a precariously stacked pile of folders along the way, to see what it was that had set off the coward that time – what, had they managed to recruit Knox from the Trojans? “This better be worth the effort, I want to wash off,” Andrew warned as he came over to stand beside Day.

Kevin didn’t say anything, he just made an abortive motion at the screen with his right hand, so it was Wymack who spoke. “I just found out a few minutes ago myself. All I knew was that they’d recruited someone but had asked the ERC to keep the name quiet until today, something about avoiding unwanted attention so the kid could focus on training. But they had to release it today because of the line-up for the game.”

Wymack had pulled up the player’s profile and stats, which were displayed on the screen, and Andrew found a rare jolt of surprise flaring inside of him as he looked upon a mostly familiar visage – mostly because unlike back in Millport, Neil Josten now sported striking pale blue eyes instead of insipid brown and bright auburn hair neatly trimmed along the sides with the longer strands falling into loose curls down his forehead instead of a dark unruly mess. The changes didn’t stop there, either – there was a black ‘4’ tattooed high on his left cheekbone and a deliberate blankness to his expression that the rattled yet defiant runner hadn’t possessed back in the locker room.

“Huh, the rabbit grew wings rather than become a fox, how interesting.” Andrew pulled on a grin as he poked a still silent Kevin in the side of his face, right against the ‘2’ tattoo. “Guess he was serious about not playing with you.”

Hmm, it was also interesting how Kevin didn’t smack his hand aside or yell at him, he just flinched and closed his eyes as if to block out some horrible sight. “You still in there?” Andrew taunted.

“He….” Kevin finally spoke as he opened his eyes, his complexion waxy as he motioned again at the monitor. “He joined the Ravens.” Somehow that sounded more like a question than a statement.

Wymack frowned as he nodded, busy righting the pile of folders that Andrew had knocked over but not bitching about the fact, which was oh so telling. “They’re not giving out much information, just that he spent the summer training with them and he’s on the starting line-up.” His frown deepened when Kevin flinched again. “Guess you were right about the kid having talent.”

“Yeah.” Kevin swiped his right over his face as he laughed, the sound quiet and strained. “Yeah, he does. Uhm, I’m gonna… I gotta shower and get to class.” Then he was moving out of the office in a hurry, which left Andrew and Wymack alone.

“Okay, that was fucked up,” Wymack said after a slight pause. “I expected him to be angry at Edgar Allen for swiping his pick, not that.”

Andrew quietly agreed, but he didn’t say anything, just knocked over another stack of folders before he left, which finally made Wymack curse him out. He found Kevin in the showers, but the man was quiet and didn’t say anything to him as they washed off and went to their classes.

Good at biding his time, at knowing when to exert minimum effort for maximum reward, Andrew let it go for the moment, content to allow others do some of his work for him, to let Kevin stew for a while longer and for things to build. Because word soon got out that Neil Josten had ‘gone over’ to the Ravens, and it wasn’t pretty when that happened.

Gordon was smug as fuck, which just reinforced that he’d been behind the leak in the first place. Wilds and Boyd were pissed off, furious at the Moriyamas for snatching up what should have been the Foxes’ recruit, Mitchell was indignant that people were talking about the player who’d turned his back on the Foxes rather than him, the guy who’d signed on with the team, and Nicky egged them all on, the moron. It got to the point that Andrew was a few seconds away from locking them in the changing room and pulling the fire suppression system, except Aaron was sitting in the middle of the fucking annoying lot.

That and Renee may have noticed him glancing over at the system and had gotten up at one point to lean against the wall right next to the alarm. She met his flat gaze with a too-sweet smile and held it for several seconds, until he had to look away and still the twitch in his right leg as the damn drugs slowly worked their way out of his system. Just a little longer for the shit to pass through and no more buzzing to pull at his thoughts or emotions, even if he would have to play some stupid game to earn it. Then he could ride out the crash with some alcohol, could use those and the sharp edge of curiosity to push back the nausea and need a little longer.

Answers were so much better than false euphoria, especially when they hurt others more than him.

Wymack had to yell at everyone to stop fighting amongst themselves and to pull their heads out of their asses so they could get ready to beat Breckenridge (Andrew scoffed at that, at how the man never seemed to accept the team for the lost cause that it was). There was some stupid speech which he ignored and soon enough it was time to go out onto court, to listen to the lousy music and cheers and then take the goal for the first part of the game.

At least he had a decent spot to watch the Foxes lose to one of the better Class I teams, to watch Kevin snap out of it for a little while – only to be hampered by Gordon getting into fights as usual, by Mitchell being too tentative and uncoordinated whenever he had the ball. When it came to halftime, they were down three to six.

It didn’t get any better in the second half, when Andrew sat out the game, with Breckenridge taking it five to ten when it was all said and done. Once the Foxes were back in the locker room, Wymack gave his spiel that it was just the start of the season, Wilds went on about how they hadn’t done that bad against a tough opponent while Mitchell apologized for his fuck-ups when Gordon punched a locker and snapped at the kid that the team could do a hell of a lot better if they hadn’t been dragged down by his rookie ass. That led to Boyd shoving Gordon away and even Reynolds yelling at her sometime boyfriend, while Andrew motioned to the others to grab their stuff so they could get ready and leave.

Nicky winced a little at all the yelling but shook his head. “So loud. Really, what did they expect would happen tonight?”

“Especially with the way you play – or don’t play,” Aaron remarked in a deadpan manner as they entered the showers.

“Hey! I didn’t see you trying too hard out there, either,” Nicky complained.

Andrew waited for Kevin to make his usual ‘you both suck and should be ashamed of yourselves’ comment, and arched an eyebrow when the Exy addict merely entered a stall so he could wash off. Even Nicky noticed Kevin’s silence and sent Andrew a look, then hurried into his own stall when Andrew narrowed his eyes.

Kevin spared them a recount of everything they’d done wrong during the game on the drive back to the dorms, where they were staying for once because a certain someone had agreed to go on a television show the next day. A certain someone who was going to stay up all night, rather than Andrew have to put up with dragging him out of bed in a few hours.

Nick and Aaron joined in to have some drinks once they got back, but Andrew watched over Kevin to keep him from doing his usual ‘drink until passed out’ routine; his intent was two-fold in that if the alcoholic managed to drink himself into the usual Friday night stupor, Wymack was going to find him face down in the toilet when he came to pick up his precious media darling – and not from Kevin being hungover, oh no. That and Andrew needed a few brain cells to remain unpickled if he wanted answers.

Him snatching away the almost-empty bottle of vodka from a scowling Kevin was the sign for Aaron and Nicky to go to bed, since they were remaining on campus in the morning. “Either I take it or I smash it over your head,” Andrew told Kevin with a slight smile, which made the coward give up with a muttered curse and sit down at his desk to watch something on his computer instead.

That ‘something’ turned out to be an Exy game, a recording of the Raven’s game from earlier in the night, a game where they’d played UT. There was some irony there, watching Edgar Allen in their black and red uniforms go against UT in their orange and white, a precursor of things to come, so to speak. How nice of Fate to help Andrew out (if he believed in such things).

He went off to brew some coffee, and returned with a mug for him and one for Kevin as well, some whiskey in both to nurse them through the remaining hours until they had to leave for Kathy Ferdinand’s show. The Exy addict appeared riveted by the sight of the players with the numbers ‘1’ and ‘4’ on their backs, with the way they raced across the court. While Andrew held no love at all for the sport, he knew it well enough after the last few years to recognize the skill which Riko displayed, the technical ability behind the seemingly impossible shots, the control in how he flung the ball across the court.

Compared to him, Neil Josten didn’t seem like much – at least not at first. But the kid was fast, damn fast. He could clear the court in a blink of the eye, could make those ten steps count by grabbing the ball and getting the hell out of the opponent’s way before he could be pinned down, aided by long legs for his height and swift feet. He didn’t seem to need to look to know where to throw the ball, either, and he was more than willing to take on opponents bigger than him (basically everyone else on the court) if it got him the ball or the shot.

He wasn’t Kevin, but he worked well with Riko due to that speed and flexibility, that determination and self-sacrifice. Especially when it was clear that he didn’t mind taking the hits and giving up the goals so Riko could shine. During the time that Andrew leaned against the wall and watched the game, Neil had scored one goal to Riko’s three.

“He’s improved,” was all Andrew said.

“He was holding back,” Kevin answered after taking a long swig of Irish coffee. “Maybe not intentionally, but… the Master got it out of him.” That prompted another long swig of coffee.

Andrew gave it a couple of minutes, gave Kevin a little more time to stew, then spoke up. “He’s not the only one holding back, is he?” He shifted forward to stand closer to Kevin. “What did you see in his team photo?”

Kevin’s face became flushed and he paused the game. “I don’t… I should get-“

“No.” Andrew reached out in a flash to snatch away the mug from Kevin’s weak grip, which made the drunk sink back in his chair. “What did you see?” He wanted answers now, especially while Aaron and Nicky weren’t around.

The question provoked a blurry stare from Kevin, who then shook his head. “No, you don’t want to know that, it’s better that you don’t know.”

“I don’t think you understand how we play this game,” Andrew remarked with a mirthless grin while he waved the half-empty mug in the air. “I keep you safe, keep you out of Moriyama hands, and you tell me the truth, among other things. I ask you questions and you tell me no lies. Now, what the hell is going on with Neil Josten, hmm?” Why had the kid reacted so strangely around Kevin? Why had he refused to play with Kevin, yet signed with the Ravens – a no-name rookie with one year behind him?

Kevin moaned a little as he clutched his left hand to his chest while staring at the laptop’s screen with a mix of longing and grief. “It’s… that’s just it, it’s the Moriyamas,” he stressed. “It’s things you don’t want to know.”

Andrew’s eyes narrowed upon hearing that. “Oh, but I disagree. They say confession is good for the soul, Day, something a nice Irish boy like you should know. So start confessing.”

There was a quick, longing gaze at the mugs held in Andrew’s hands and then Kevin slumped even more in his chair. “What do you know about Nathan Wesninski?”

That was an odd tangent, wasn’t it? “Nothing,” Andrew answered as he held off on returning the one mug for the moment. “Why?”

Kevin huffed a little and shook his head. “Because he’s Neil’s father – Neil’s real name is Nathaniel Wesninski. I didn’t realize it until I saw the photo of him earlier with the tattoo; he’d changed his appearance back in Millport.”

Why wasn’t Andrew surprised that it wouldn’t be a simple story? “Why would he do that?” he asked as he handed over the coffee, which the coward immediately snatched and finished off in a couple of swallows before he continued with the ‘lovely’ tale of a boy and boring Exy.

“Because… because Nathan Wesninski is also known as the Butcher,” Kevin mumbled as he wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand. “He works for the Moriyamas and runs a large criminal empire on the East Coast.”

Oh, now things were getting interesting, weren’t they? “And yet his son is in some shit-hole town in Arizona playing Exy? Elaborate,” Andrew commanded as he sat down on the edge of the desk.

Kevin scowled at the order but wasn’t too drunk to not realize that it was in his best interest to comply. “Because about ten years ago, Nathan brought Nathaniel to the Nest so the Mast- ah,” that time he caught Andrew’s displeased look over the name, “so Tetsuji could evaluate how well Nathaniel played Exy.” His green eyes grew unfocused as he seemed to think back on that time. “Nathaniel played as a backliner then and was really good, so good that Riko and I knew that Mah- uhm, Tetsuji would take him on. Only he never returned because Wesninski’s wife apparently ran off with Nathaniel during the night and several million dollars as well.”

Andrew dwelled on the story for a minute or two while Kevin seemed to drift off into memories or unpleasant thoughts, considering the drawn, pensive look on his face. “So this Wesninski was going to give Tetsuji his son?” Kevin had talked a little about the things that went on at the Nest, about how some of the players such as Moreau were basically indentured servants because their parents had given them to the Moriyamas to pay off debts; Andrew suspected he’d done it more to convince Andrew to keep him from going back there than anything else.

“Yeah.” Kevin shook his head as the mug slipped from his hands. “I think… I think Nathaniel’s a bit like Riko. He can’t take over for Wesninski, so the Master found a use for him.” He frowned as he appeared to think of something. “Was gonna find a use for him. Oh, found him after all, yeah?”

Perhaps found him thanks to the shit Gordon had pulled, was more like it. Andrew had to wonder if ‘Neil’ hadn’t tried run after seeing Kevin, hence his disappearance, and then the Moriyamas had tracked him down thanks to the forum posts.

For a moment Andrew reflected on the possibility of someone having worse luck than him then scoffed. “Whatever, all that matters now is he’s there now. He’s there and you’re here.” He gave Kevin a cold smile as he gestured to the room around them. “He turned you down so he’s not our problem anymore.” As he spoke, he leaned forward. “Or are you under the mistaken belief that this is a halfway house for Raven runaways?”

Kevin stared at him for a couple of seconds before shaking his head. “He can’t… no, he can’t come here.”

“Then shut up already,” Andrew told him before moving to go sit down on the couch; he had enough of Exy for the day.

Kevin resumed watching the game while Andrew split his time between reading a book and watching Day, and amused himself with throwing pillows at the pain in the ass whenever he saw that dark head begin to nod or droop forward. One time he even startled Kevin enough to knock him out of the chair, a rare burst of amusement filling him at the sight of those long limbs flailing and loud curses filling the room.

Soon enough they had to get ready to leave for Raleigh, North Carolina, with Kevin being even more of a surly asshole than normal until they got on the bus where they could sleep for the drive. Andrew managed to get a little rest, and once Kevin hit the studio, he lost the zombie-like effect from too-little sleep to pull on his ‘charming’ fake persona which always made Andrew’s fingers twitch to slide free a knife and cut off that too-bright smile. Yet Kathy Ferdinand seemed to eat it up, to fawn all over Kevin, and soon she and her assistants took him back to get him ‘ready’ for the show.

Andrew wasn’t pleased with having Kevin out of his sight like that, but Kevin said the show was necessary, was important to give the Foxes some positive publicity, to highlight how far they’d come in a season and not let the Ravens overshadow them. To not let Riko win. Like Andrew gave a shit about any of that, especially when he could be in his own bed in Columbia at the moment, instead of sitting in an uncomfortable chair surrounded by a bunch of strangers with Renee on one side and Matt on the other.

At least Kevin was the first guest so they could leave once his interview was taped, though Andrew felt like gagging as he sat through Ferdinand acting like a bitch in heat with the way she kissed up to Kevin, laughing and smiling at everything he said. Andrew fought to sit still, to not get up and walk away, while Renee murmured to him that it would be just a little longer.

Then Ferdinand started in about Riko, about how hard it must be for Kevin to play on a new team without him, to see Riko move on with a new striker and everything. Kevin’s smile became a little strained but he kept his answers for the most part diplomatic (except for a dig at Seth), to attempt to distance himself from Riko and Edgar Allen. Except Ferdinand didn’t seem willing to let it go. She even asked Kevin about the school switching districts, to which Kevin proclaimed no knowledge to their reason why, the liar.

Andrew felt something twist inside of him at the way the woman smiled in anticipation just then, and Renee must have sensed something because she latched on to his right arm while calling out Wymack’s name. “Then I have a treat for you!” Ferdinand all but purred, right before the Edgar Allen’s fight song filled the studio.

*******

So, still have to edit H4. This weekend is REALLY busy, but I’m hoping things get better after Monday.

#tfc #aftg #raven!neil #wip

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nickireadstfc · 7 years

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The Foxhole Court, Chapter 14 – Ohana Means Family (And Family Means No One Gets Left Behind Or Murd– Oh).

In which we are treated to part 2 of Fun Suspicious Club Times, Andreil has Important Moments™, Nicky has thoughts on family, and I have all the feels. Guest starring: Murder!

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read – and finish – The Foxhole Court.

This is it, you guys. We’ve reached the last chapter of The Foxhole Court – or, as I like to call it by now, The Exposition Court. Lots of things have been shown, explained and introduced, and while that has been very fun and all, not much has actually happened. Now, however, exposition is done, and with this chapter I can practically smell the plot lingering just around the corner.

Let’s finish this, shall we?

We’re kicking things off with yet another #iconic Andreil bit:

“Oh, he made it,” Andrew said. “That’s interesting.”

He pressed two fingers to Neil’s throat, checking his pulse. When Neil tried to bat him away, Andrew caught his wrist with his free hand. His smile was small and fierce as he leaned forward into Neil’s space.

“Remember this feeling. This is the moment you stop being the rabbit.”

GOOD SHIT.

If I had a euro for every time I saw this quote on a pastel/b&w grunge edit I’d have enough money to buy those two a honeymoon vacation.

Honorary mention, because I feel like this is a detail that usually gets left out of those edits:

Neil was too startled to answer (…).

I love me some Neil ‘Andrew Is Not Being Horrible To Me, What Is This Feeling, Send Help’ Josten.

Movement two doors down gave Neil a reason to look away from Andrew again. Five strangers were knocking on his suite door. She stepped out to greet them, slapping back and high-fiving as he moved into their ranks. Allison wasn’t far behind them. She pressed against Seth’s back and slid her hands down his sides to his pants. Neil watched as she systematically dug through all of his pockets.

She’s searching him for drugs, that much I got when reading it first. I didn’t think much of it then.

Oh boy. I’ll regret not thinking about this detail in 9 pages’ time.

“Renee should be back with drinks any second. She said she’ll get something non-alcoholic for the two of you.”

“Oh, what a waste,” Andrew said. “I’m buying Neil’s drinks tonight.”

It took them a couple second to catch on. When they did, Dan lurched out of the doorway with a hard, “You’re joking.”

Oh, yeah, by the way, did I forget to mention that? They’re fucking going back to Columbia for yet another night of Suspicious And Problematic Debauchery.

WHY. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING. DID YOU NOT LEARN FROM LAST TIME.

Thankfully, Dan and Matt share my concerns:

“He is not going out with you again. He’ll probably wind up dead this time.”

“Jesus, Dan,” Nicky said. “When you say things like that it makes me think you don’t trust us.”

“No one trusts you,” Matt said.

Oh shit, Tall Billie Joe, where did you get your sass from?? I like.

In response to that, Andrew speaks German to Neil, which a) Neil is Totally Not On Board With, and b) triggers yet another Andreil Moment™ because this chapter is just dishing those out left and right.

Andrew was daring him to cross a line, to give up a little more of the lie that was Neil Josten. It went against everything Neil knew to give in, but he’d chose his path. He’d chosen Andrew. He buried his fear as deep as he could and answered in German.

Lasst mich hier zum Sterben, bitte.

We don’t have much time to ponder on the feels, though, as everyone’s favourite comic relief swoops in again, providing us with one of my favourite exchanges of this chapter:

“Oh shit,” Nicky said, switching languages in a heartbeat. “Since when do you speak German? Andrew, you knew about this? Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Boring,” Andrew said. “Figure things out for yourself once in a while.”

Bhahahaha. Andrew has zero time for anyone’s shit and I am loving it.

Nicky waggled a hand at Aaron. “Quick. Have we said anything totally incriminating these past few months?”

“Aside from your endless inappropriate comments about what you’d like to do to him, I don’t think so. Looks like you’ve managed to completely embarrass yourself in both languages.”

Ahahapfpfhfggdhfhdf ME. Seriously, print that last sentence on the coffin my akward bilingual ass will one day be buried in.

Aaron looked at Neil. “When were you going to tell us?”

“I wasn’t,” Neil said. “After everything I’ve put up with from you this year I figured I didn’t owe you any favours.”

Sassmaster Josten strikes again. <3 Also, he’s got a point.

The others are, understandably, a bit stunned at that exchange. And they didn’t even get the whole sass fest that went down. Pity.

Matt was the first to get his tongue back, but the best he came up with was, “I thought you spoke French. That was French this morning, right? At Kathy’s?”

Precious Cinnamon Roll Discovers That Some People May Speak More Than Two Languages, Too Good For This World, Too Pure.

They leave, they drive to Columbia, bla bla bla.

As the monster squad (feat. Neil) arrives in their favourite ice cream-and-drugs joint, Neil is once again presented with his mortal enemy: New clothes.

“This is new,” Neil said.

“It’d be tacky to let your wear the same thing twice, wouldn’t it?” Nicky asked.

Uhm, no, it fucking wouldn’t? If an outfit’s cute I’ll wear it more than once, thank you very fucking much. And from what I’ve gathered, Neil’s outfit from last time was on point.

What kind of capitalist elitist bullshit is this, Hemmick.

“How to say this?” Nicky thought it over for a second, then gave up on tact. “You could obviously use the money more than he could right now. Let Andrew give you things if he wants to. He’s not normally the gifting type, so it’s kind of fun.”

Just………… Andrew……… who never gives gifts………. buying his boyfriend clothes…….. t w i c e………… I’m fine :’)))))

“I have my own money,” Neil said. “I don’t need handouts.”

“Really?” Nicky asked, sending Neil’s clothes a meaningful look.

Neil stared at him. He knew Andrew hadn’t told the others about his fluency in German, but he hadn’t realized Andrew kept quiet about his money, too. (…) But Andrew had found Neil’s money before their truce in Wymack’s living room. He hadn’t had a reason to protect Neil then, so why had he stayed quiet?

LISTEN……….. I’M…………. FINE…………. :’))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I thought we were going to be done here. Clothes handed out, banter shared, fun times, now let Neil change and get on with your dumb drug night.

I was wrong.

Nicky and Neil settle down for some Real Talk that makes up for like, so many things that the monsters fucked up in the past.

“You do know what you’re doing out with us tonight, right? Andrew squeezed some sort of explanation in to his usual crazy nonsense?”

“Sort of,” Neil said. “He said he’d have answers for me later.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Nicky looked pained. “This means Andrew is keeping you, same as he kept Kevin. It means you’re part of the family now.”

ASGKLKGJDGNLNFGFFFHFHGG.

FAMILY.

I AM YELLING. I CANNOT STOP YELLING. HOW IS THIS HAPPENING.

This is huge, you guys. From all we’re told later, this is not a word Andrew throws around easily.

FAMILY.

Leave me here to DIE.

Nicky made air quotes with his fingers. As soon as he spoke Neil knew whose words he was echoing, but Neil doubted Andrew sounded so tired when he first said it: “Being related doesn’t make us family.

(…) I know why Andrew feels that way, and I understand why he and Aaron can’t stand each other, but I’m not willing to give up on them yet. I want to fix this and show them they’re wrong.”

Shit, dude. That’s... unexpectedly serious and deep coming from you?

You know something’s important when even the comic relief is serious about it.

“Family means something different with us because it has to. It’s not about blood. It’s not even about who we like. It’s about who Andrew is willing to protect.”

Give me the Minyard-Hemmick’s backstory, and give it to me now.

Neil’s stomach twisted with another chilly what-if. “And he’s including me because of this morning?”

“Partly,” Nicky said. “But partly because you’re the reason Kevin’s going to stay on our team. Andrew’s got Kevin’s back, but you’ve got Kevin’s attention.”

Meaning Kevin is stuck in a beautiful Andrew and Neil sandwich. <3

Also “a chilly what-if” is such a great expression, what the fuck, 10/10.

Before this Real Talk can end, Nicky has one last thing to say, which is specifically something I am very happy about:

“Look, I know we screwed up last time. Please believe me when I say Andrew was just looking out for the rest of us. He didn’t want to take any chances. But things are different now. You’re one of us, which means we’ll never push you further than you’re willing to go. Okay?”

You go, Nicky, for realizing you fucked up and wanting to put things right between you and Neil.

But also, you go, Neil, for not immediately accepting his excuse, because shit, that crap was still not okay and you gotta apologize a bit more than that.

Plus, it would be kind of nice to have someone other than Nicky come apologize some time – lookin’ @ you, Twinyards and Big Deal Day.

Also, consent only matters with people you like, is that what you’re telling me? Deep sigh.

Ah, remember how I was “fine :’)))))” earlier?

Neil pulled out his contacts and flicked them into the trash. When he looked up at the mirror, bright blue eyes stared back. Neil couldn’t be himself, but maybe he could be the Neil he’d given Andrew in Wymack’s living room.

:’)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) fine.

They leave Sweetie’s and they go to the club, where I experience some heavy déjà-vu, and not the funny kind – more the ‘Oh hey this is the place where you got date-drugged, date-kiss-raped and date-interrogated, haha fun times amirite’ kind.

There is one bit of interesting information that stuck out to me in the midst of Andrew and Neil’s usual ‘Hey welcome to the club, hey fucker did you know that drugs are bad’ dialogue:

“We got into dust for Aaron’s sake. He needed something safe to get on when he was coming off everything his mother gave him.”

His mother gave him drugs?? The hell?? These could be either actual drugs – like, cocaine and shit – or we could be going down the old ‘medication you’re not taking voluntarily is bad for you’ trip and she’s given him antidepressants or something similar.

I’m not loving either option, although – if the latter thing is true – it would be interesting to find out whether Aaron has the same mental health problems as Andrew does, with them being identical twins and all.

Did you have enough Andreil Moments™ today?

“Here’s some honesty,” Neil said. “I don’t like you, and I don’t trust you.”

“It’s mutual,” Andrew said.

Honestly, when will they stop being the literal embodiment of the enemies to lovers trope.

Time for the indisputably most #iconic bit of this entire chapter:

A group of people shouldered their way up to the bar counter at Neil’s back, pushing him into Andrew. Andrew didn’t budge beneath his weight. He was something solid to lean against, something violent and fierce and unmoving. Neil couldn’t remember what it felt like to have someone hold him up. It was terrifying and liberating all at once. His life was out of his control now; he was giving it to Andrew and hoping Andrew would keep it safe.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH

Neil, bby, if this is your way of showing how much you don’t like and don’t trust him, you’re doing a pretty, pretty shit job of it.

Sadly, the gay comes to an end and they return to the rest, who are enjoying one of their favourite pastimes: Getting the fuck wasted.

And just as I was beginning to wonder whether that was going to be it or whether the book was going to go out with a bang, and if so what exactly that bang would entail and when it was finally gonna appear – this shit happens.

“What do you want?” Andrew asked, and listened as Wymack explained it all over again. “Overdosed like how?”

“Again?” Nicky said incredulously. “That stupid bastard.”

“Never again,” Andrew said over his shoulder. “He’s dead.”

WHAT.

“Seth.” Andrew hung up and tapped the phone against his thigh. “Someone found him face-down in the bathroom at Bacchus where he drowned in his own puke. It’s exactly how I warned him he was going to clock out, not that he ever listened to me.”

Are you SHITTING me.

I like to joke about murder and death and shit, but this is ACTUAL DEATH happening, and WITHIN THE FIRST BOOK.

WHAT THE SHIT.

Neil looked at him, surprised at how hard Nicky and Aaron were taking it. He wondered if he was supposed to feel something besides shock, but a mental health check came back clean. He’d grown up around death. It was nothing to him now but ice in his veins and a reminder to keep moving. Seth should have been an exception, since Neil had been living with him for months, but Neil had never liked him.

Stone Cold Bitch Neil Jostens strikes again. <3

And his BF isn’t much better, either:

“What about the line-up?” Kevin asked.

Nicky winced. “Kevin, the man is dead. Like, permanently.”

“It’s not a major loss,” Kevin said.

WHY IS THIS SUCH A KEVIN MOVE. A dude dies and all you can think about is the impact on Exy.

Although, having thought about it for a bit, I have to say: I’m not super sad Seth is dead, either. I view his death as an important plot element (as it triggers future events and is important to demonstrate the cruelty of the Moriyamas) and I feel sad because characters I like will feel sad, but nothing more.

I didn’t like him when he was alive, and I’m not going to start pretending to like him now. I think it’s hypocritical to pretend to mourn the death of a person you disliked just because it is socially expected of you to be sad.

This does not invalidate the pain felt by others who mourn this person, of course. But I myself will not pretend to be sad if I am not, I feel like it would dishonour their memory if I would.

(Do come talk to me about this in my ask box if you’ve got something to add or if you disagree. I think this is an interesting subject and I’d love to hear different opinions.)

“Is that why you drink?” Neil asked. “You don’t want to feel?”

Andrew turned to face him. Neil wasn’t expecting it and almost ran into him. Andrew dugs his fingertip into the hollow of Neil’s throat in warning. This close Neil could smell the alcohol and cigarettes on him. It made him think of his mother burning to ashes on the beach.

I’m sorry, I know it’s supposed to be all dramatic and angsty here, but I can never take the phrase “X reminded them of their mother” seriously, or any variations of it. Even when it’s fitting, it just sounds so pretentious.

He reached out without thinking and took Andrew’s cigarette away. For some reason Andrew let him keep it.

“I don’t feel for anyone or anything,” Andrew said. “Don’t forget that.”

“So Kevin’s just a hobby for you?”

I would like to point out here that Andrew immediately changes subjects after that, after Neil confronted him with the possibility that he could maybe, maybe feel something more than absolute indifference to Kevin. I’m just……….. putting that out there.

“If [Seth] didn’t have his pills on him, how did he overdose?”

“Not by choice,” Andrew said. “My theory says Riko won this round.”

WHAT. Are you telling me this is not only actual death happening, but ACTUAL MURDER??????

Neil stared at him. “You don’t really think Riko did this.”

“I think the timing’s too convenient for it to be an accident,” Andrew said. “Riko broke Kevin’s hand for being better. He crossed districts because Kevin picked up a racquet and got back on the court. What do you think he’s willing to do to you for calling him useless on national TV?”

Y E L L I N G.

WHAT THE SHITS.

Oh boy. Oh boy. This is shaping up to be a great next book. Did I complain about there being little plot so far? Well, shit. HERE’S YA FECKIN PLOT.

Fancy a dash of Feelings™ before we leave this show?

Andrew hooked his fingers in the collar of Neil’s shirt and tugged just enough for Neil to feel it. “I know what I’m doing. I knew what I was agreeing to when I took Kevin’s side. I knew what it could cost us and how far I’d have to go. Understand? You aren’t going anywhere. You’re staying here.”

:’))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) andrewiloveyoupleaseneverleavepleaseprotectus

Neil looked down at the key in his hand. “Home,” he whispered, needing to hear it aloud. It was a foreign concept to him, an impossible dream. It was frightening and wonderful all at once, and it set his heart racing so fast he thought it’d drum out of his chest. “Welcome home, Neil.”

………………………………………………. I’m dead.

Goodbye, The Foxhole Court.

Hello, The Raven King.

((Side note: But Nicki, What’s Happening Now??

I’ll be reading the other two books as well, obviously. As if I could stop now.

I won’t continue straight this Sunday, instead I’ll be doing something else, a bit of an experiment: I’m doing a review of the whole first book, hopefully with a bit more thought and depth than what I’ve rambled so far. Think of it as both an interlude and a summary. If I like it (and you do as well), I’ll do one of those after every book.

I’ll skip the Wednesday upload to take a bit of a breather and I will continue reading The Raven King the Sunday after that, that’s the 30th of April. More sportsball! More feels! More murder! Yay!

Also, I won’t rename this blog. I know TFC is just the first book and the whole thing is called All For The Game, so it should be ‘nickireadsaftg’, but I also don’t give a shit. I’ve gotten used to this now and y’all will just have to suck it up and deal with it. I put a lil note in my bio saying what book I’m on, that should be enough.

Lastly: Thank you all for sticking with me so far. Your endless messages, comments and funny tags mean the world to me, and you all are the reason my motivation stuck around till this point. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I’ll see you Sunday. Lots of love.))

#tfc #the foxhole court #aftg #all for the game #nora sakavic #nicki reads tfc #yall........................ im proper emotional okay come freak out with me #I CANT BELIEVE ITS FINISHED WHATTTTTTTTTTTT #this went so quickly

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