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#all ive ever done is dig myself a deep grave and then tether other people to me to drag them down too
the-gayest-sky-kid
ยท
7 months
Text
like im just saying they should invent a family that doesn't make you want to kill yourself
#and a school system while theyre at it
#or just a me that wouldn't make me want to kill myself
#just like. without all the problems that make it impossible to exist in normal society as myself
#i know technically its possible for me to have a future but goddammit i dont see one okay
#i havent made a single goddamn real life connection since middle school and now we're so distant i barely remember whos who on discord
#thats not to mention how I've just been on the edge of every friendgroup anyway. including that one
#im just some fucking loser. im not going to fucking graduate my only career aspiration is a goddamn pipe dream and if i dont fucking kill
#myself by then im going to be stuck living with my family forever and we're not going to be seeing eye to eye.
#all ive ever done is dig myself a deep grave and then tether other people to me to drag them down too
#i love you all but i dont know how you see me as anything but gross and annoying and weirdly fucking clingy okay
#i just
#i dont know what im fucking doing
#i wish i did. i wish i knew but i dont. and it feels like everyone else has figured out how things work and im just supposed to do that too
#but i cant. i fucking cant and it keeps getting worse and i keep getting worse and i keep making it worse for my family while im at it
#i miss being able to imagine doing stuff tomorrow. or in an hour
#i miss being able to wash the dishes and not having to think about stabbing myself with fucking cutlery
#i miss being able to show my mother my report card
#but its my fucking fault im in this mess in the first place
#and i just cant fucking try enough. or at all
#aethers rants
#cw vent
#cw sui ideation
#personal posts and stuff idk
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