#also im experimenting with different styles to try not to use dialogue as a crutch

[cameronsactivities]

Anderperry Week 2023, Day 7

(wild card day!!)

Carpe Diem

The bell above the door dinged as Neil walked into the bookstore. It was one of the last places in the city where he could retain his anonymity after he’d gained some fame as an actor. He loved how it was always quiet, without being silently sterile. The small coffee shop in the corner kept the store smelling like freshly-ground coffee beans and steeping tea. Neil bought a drink, letting the steam fog up his glasses while he perused the books. 

He swore he saw a familiar name out of the corner of his eye. In disbelief, he picked up the book. He wasn’t mistaken. In a neat, serif font, the name “Todd Anderson” was printed right there. Neil opened the book, a poetry anthology. He read the dedication five or six times, confirming that it was undoubtedly the Todd Anderson he was thinking of. “To the Dead Poets Society,” it read. 

Memories of nights crowded in a tiny cave, desk sets tossed off bridges, and promises made in youthful spirit came back to Neil. Memories of kisses in the darkness, hands interlaced beneath covers, and whispers exchanged in chilly air. 

But Neil and Todd were driven apart by career, as Neil moved to Hollywood and Todd stayed in New England. Their excuses held more weight than they thought they did, and suddenly, Neil had realized that he hadn’t called Todd in more than a month. 

Neil never found love again since then, almost five years ago. He gingerly placed the book back onto the display stand and quickly walked out of the bookstore, leaving his tea behind and wiping tears from the corners of his eyes. 

Neil’s own face stared down at him disapprovingly from a movie poster. The balance of success and sacrifice had been wobbling out of control behind Neil’s back for so long, and it was just starting to catch up to him. 

***

“Excuse me, are you Neil Perry?”

Neil sighed, and as humble as he was, he was not in the mood to greet a fan. But as he looked up, he saw a set of blue eyes that he was well-acquainted with, and blond hair that would only appear golden when the sunlight filtered through it. 

“Todd?” Neil took off his baseball cap.

“Hi.”

Five years worth of silence stretched between them, and their awkward departure five years ago went unmentioned. 

“It’s such a coincidence, seeing you here,” Neil said. 

“I switched publishers two years ago, and now I live in LA.”

“Oh.” The silence seemed to push them further away from each other. 

“I should get going,” Todd said. 

“Please,” Neil said, then cleared his throat to make it sound less like a beg. “Please, have a cup of coffee with me. It’s on me.”

From that moment onwards, autumn passed by like a blur. They started quite clunkily, like an old car engine refusing to start, but after a few conversations, they were cruising down the freeway with the wind in their hair like vintage movie stars. The embers of a quieted love were fanned back to life, and the fire was roaring bigger than ever. 

One evening, they booked a reservation at a fancy dinner restaurant, but upon seeing that the prices were absurd, even for Los Angeles, Neil and Todd ordered drinks and left a big tip. They chose to eat grocery store canned soup instead. 

They spent their weekends in museums or movie theaters, and their nights dancing to old songs on Neil’s record player. Sometime in September, Todd moved into Neil’s apartment, and they became roommates again, except they didn’t bother with having two beds this time. Neil’s coworkers wondered why he had started bringing delicious, homemade meals instead of the same sandwich every day.

But as the temperatures dropped and the last qualities of summertime ebbed away, the days of blissful kisses and pretending to hate pumpkin spice lattes came to an end. Neil and Todd laid in bed, huddled together for warmth, as they kept putting off switching their quilt for a warmer duvet. 

“Todd,” Neil said, biting back tears. “There’s something really important I need to tell you, and I’m so sorry for not telling you earlier; that was really selfish of me.”

“What is it?” Todd answered gently.

“Before I say it, I need you to know that I won’t be mad or sad if you leave me because of it.”

Todd stayed silent, as if he were afraid to make a promise.

Neil exhaled shakily, wiping away a tear that had formed. “I have this thing, I found out about it a year ago. It’s a– It’s a heart disease. An arrhythmia.” 

“Neil–”

“No, Todd,” Neil sniffed. “One of the symptoms is sudden death.” 

“No.”

“What do you mean? I can’t just say ‘no’ to a disease.”

“No,” Todd repeated, and they both smiled weakly at the memory that surfaced. “We’ve had five years robbed from us. We can’t afford to lose any more.”

“But what about you? Is it worth it for you to be with someone who’s going to die? I can’t do that to you, I–”

“Neil,” Todd said. “Neil. Neil.” He broke out into a light chuckle. “Neil, carpe diem.”

He smiled back bittersweetly. “Gather ye rosebuds while ye may.”

#anderperry week 2023 #anderperry #todd anderson #neil perry #dead poets society #dps #my first fandom week!! #i did not edit any of this i promise i'll put in more effort next year i just happened to get thefted this time #so i read somewhere that keating was originally supposed to have an illness? #also i just watched la la land so that explains the beginning #could this be better? yes. am i impatient to post? also yes. #also im experimenting with different styles to try not to use dialogue as a crutch #peace out #cameron has activities