#also mf is such an unreliable narrator im gonna beat their ass

[lycianlynx]

✧ where the delicate stops

assassin mastery drabble.

much has been taken from you.

your fingers knit together when you think about it, trying to keep the memories from falling through your fingers. you would rather die than forget, you think, the wrongs done to you. wrongs are wrongs are wrong, and forgetting means leaving it in the dark to go unseen, unjudged. your roots, your childhood, your home: you are the only one who sees the depths of these losses, in the knowledge the lone bearer.

it was tolerable, once. easy to bury and let be, like a time capsule whispering wishes into the earth. but even mountains erode, even earth breaks. what is a pair of shoulders in the face of that kind of force? those slight things can't bear the thunderclap of the highest order of theft, the pillar which breaks the childs back. the greatest heist, the easiest theft, the most unskilled and the most devastating.

life. it's life. of course it is. kick someone wrong, can't feed a mouth right, slip of the hand. easy as that.

and the way you remember it, it was unceremonious. unskilled. unjust, unfair, unforgivable—embers left in a forest, waste dumped in the water. monsters bearing down on an unarmed man, laughing and jeering. knocking him over like building blocks. blood on the dirt. blood on your garden. blood on those tenuous things you were starting to think about holding close again, for what is sacrifice and bearing all that weight but love?

blood on his robes.

what is sacrifice but love? you love and that's undeniable. you think about burns on your hands from a pot running too hot. you think about a sack of pilfered potatoes slung over your shoulder as you run. you think about plunging the knife in and in and in to make sure that lance doesn't rise again. you think about the saints and wonder if they'd accept a dirty little thief like you, lopsided and bloodstained. does love lead to this?

then why do you still want to love? you don't know. it's selfish. it's grotesque. but even if it's an uneven scale, even if your side is tipped too far down and drenched in sin, you wanted to. you still want to. you want that bright, warm thing you knew love at its best as again, even if you feel ground-down, raw and half-dead in it. o god, why do you keep the faith? why does love lead to this?

o god, is this what happens? is love to suffer and die? is it good to keep the rage, the remorse this close for something like love? is it good for love to be having the shadow of a mourner stand behind you, ready to take your hands and mind? what will that rage make you do? what will that mourner make you do?

in that, you aren't sure you care for what is good anymore. but love is good, isn't it? you need to be good to be loved, don't you? (this thought scares you.)

o god, so give me the bitter cup. it's easier to bear the conflict in silence. easier to bury it and draw that love into anger. easier to draw that love into burdens and memories. easier to do all this than to think of the root of it as love.

so you don't think of it when you draw the blade, the dagger, the notched arrow back. you remember the things taken from you, your roots, your childhood, your home. you think of father. you think of the blood; think in anger of seeing the echo of it elsewhere and find it repulsive. think that all that red's better off on your hands than anyone else's, anyways.

so to the grieving heart, this is right. ceremonious in the skill, fair and just. perfect cut, bulls-eye. clean kill.

really, just look at that. keeled over without a damn sound. noone will find this idiot for days, here.

hah. you've really become the worst kind of thief, haven't you?

#;wc. 674 #;tell me another story | drabble #honestly this backslides a bit into where he was mentally during fe6 #also mf is such an unreliable narrator im gonna beat their ass #chad stop thinking about your family challenge #im a firm chad should never class into assassin ingame truther but at toa i think hes processed his insane grief enough to stomach it now #sorry both their mastery drabbles as of now are this melodramatic but there was NO WAY i was wringing a normal assassin drabble out of them