#also scar is the necromancer in joel's camp

[t4t4tclethian]

hitman joel x businessman (? not sure about this one but its what ive got) xb where joel was originally hired to kill xb but then xb kept wiggling his way out of every single attempt. and then joel's contract expires but he still keeps trying to kill xb because he wants to finish the job and he has a reputation to uphold here! who's going to hire a hitman who comically fails in every attempt to kill this one guy? and then he tries to befriend xb in disguise to figure out this guy's weaknesses. (xb knows the whole time but is extremely paranoid anyways and kinda wants to see where joel's going with this).

(featuring grian and the rest of the magic mountain gang as joel's hitman friends who bully him mercilessly, keralis as. well i feel like you can't write xb without a keralis. and hypno as xb's necromancer friend who raises him from the dead the few times joel actually Does manage to poison him or whatever)

#xbeans hitman au #actually it could be funny if xb was a retired hitman and thats why joel was hired to kill him #and why he has incredible aim with a shotgun + can catch joel's tricks #also its probably funnier if they can just die and come back in this au #or at least xbeans can #also scar is the necromancer in joel's camp #except he doesn't actually Know magic he just bullshits off of one of cub's tomes that he 'borrowed' #so he does the most unorthodox bullshit necromancy ever held together with duct tape and pixie dust and it somehow works #like if anyone else tried this it would backfire with horrendous consequences