#also very hard to manage my own chronic pain while bfs in such intense pain

[landofgay]

kinda feels like I'm on a see saw and on one side is BF's back getting fixed him getting a better position at work me going back to work and us being happy. and on the other side is him being fired and not ever getting his back fixed and him and me being depressed and living with his parents up until one of us offs ourselves. and it's hard to see like. an inbetween rn.

#very very very hard to know your bf is passively suicidal constantly and know theres nothing u can do #because hes just in pain and nobody seems to be able to help it #i do what i can but it feels like nothings enough and i spend so much time worrying i found the love of my life but it wont last #ugh. very stressful #feel like my hairs gonna turn grey soon lmaoo #feels like we are just surrounded by lunacy too #like his doctor is just nuts and makes us feel crazy #his boss at work is just ridiculously unhelpful and drives him and me crazy #and his parents and sister we love tons obviously but they can act in such bizarre ways and we just #we try to explain like no #thats wrong/this is better/stop doing that/please listen to me #and it never works #it just feels like we're the only sane people left sometimes and yet also makes us feel absolutely insane #sorry about this very venty post but i am just. Very Stressed #also very hard to manage my own chronic pain while bfs in such intense pain #feel guilty anytime i ask him for a massage or complain about my pain #but im also in tons of pain im just not like. screaming everytime i sit up wrong #and my entire leg isn't going numb and tingly all the time like his 🥲 #i also panic a lot about him becoming more disabled because like of course i will never leave i will be his carer forever if i have to #but like. DAMN our house is stair heavy!!!!!!!!! #and hes TALL