#and I miss being a person who could stay up until 3AM writing excited rambling meta about my show

[c-is-for-circinate]

Man, I miss CR.

I'm very aware that Critrole is still there! But I'm so, so tired these days, with a full-time job where, even if I had the time to stay up until 1AM or later on a weekly basis, I sure the fuck don't have the energy, and let's not even talk about trying to catch up on Saturdays. And I'm so behind. And maybe it was those things or maybe it was just a story mismatch, because I love CR3's characters, but the central philosophical conflict of "are the gods even worth saving?" is just. So supremely uninteresting to me.

Like, that is not a question of morality. Are the gods terrible? Maybe! Probably! So? It's a question of sheer practicality!!! Revolutions are hellish, bloody things that, even when they're successful, more often than not turn into destabilized government, power vacuums, and decades of continued warfare. That doesn't mean they aren't worth having, sometimes, but trying to take down a ruling body without understanding exactly how the system works and how you intend to replace it is a recipe for catastrophe and/or the Reign of Terror. And that's when the government is in charge of the railways and the flow of commerce. You want to continue the moral implications of maybe not taking down a poorly-run revolution against the people who control the tides and make the sun come up? I really hope you have a plan for making sure the sun still comes up!!!

I know that's hardly the only theme of the season, but like. I did my Catholic grappling with the non-existent moral authority of god twenty years ago. I don't have four hours of energy a week left in me to watch it play out these days.

#I'm absolutely not main-tagging this! The tags do not need this negativity! #I love this show and acknowledge its right to play out plotlines that are interesting to people who are not me! #but I'm TIRED and I MISS MY SHOW #and I miss being a person who could stay up until 3AM writing excited rambling meta about my show #I need to start writing meta responses to D20 maybe #I have brain for two hours a week #the seasons are just so short that it's harder to sustain #sigh #really the problem is just that I'm so tired #I'm so so tired

[speckofglitter]

by your side - n.k

word count: 1.5k

genre: fluff | slight angst?

pairings: blogger! noa x reader | side!mashikyu

-

He was typing furiously, only stopping to drink his strawberry milkshake. His legs were shaky with excitement as the story progressed from the tips of his fingers. Noa had always loved writing, which is why he was your college blog’s main writer. He was naturally intimidating, never shying away from a topic no matter how controversial it seemed. He looked like the type of person who would tell kids that Santa doesn’t exist. He seemed like a misanthrope to everyone except for you and Junkyu. Yet, despite his cold demeanor, his absence left a scar on everyone. He was beautifully unreachable, much like the moon.

You and Junkyu were basically his only friends. Your friendships with the two boys were considerably different. Junkyu is a childish and innocent friendship. It’s getting drunk together, baking together, shopping together, falling asleep in classes together, dying your hair matching colors, laughing until you’re out of breath, inside jokes and finishing each other’s sentences. Meanwhile, Noa is a healing type of friendship. It’s deep talks at 3am, writing together, reading together, stargazing together, making playlists together, going on long drives together.

You fell in love with Noa before you even realized it. He was so different from all the boys you had loved before. You would always be beaming on the inside when strangers would ask if you were dating, rushing to deny it to keep your crush a secret. You were stuck on him.

Sometimes love isn’t all about romance and attraction. Sometimes it’s someone who’s constantly there for you, who understands you. That’s what you saw in Noa. There was no ‘searching for potential’. No mind games, no manipulations. He already had everything you needed. If only you knew how he stared at you every time you looked away.

-

As always, you and Junkyu accompany Noa to the coffee shop, either helping him get ideas for new articles or just chatting away while he writes. Junkyu is stuffing himself with a chocolate brownie while you sip on your matcha latte, trying to drown out his yelling about how ‘whoever invented chocolate I said your moms a goddess’. When Noa got tired of writing he would steal glances at you two, wondering how he ended up being friends with two absolute crackheads.

Sometimes his eyes would glaze over you. He’s been feeling it for a while, this gentle sense of longing whenever he was around you. He thought he would be over it by now. Sometimes he wished he could press ‘reset’ on his heart. Unfortunately, the universe doesn’t work like that. After all this time, he was still into you.

-

‘Yo are you decent??’ Junkyu asks, opening the door as soon as you say yes.

He walks past you, plopping down on your couch as he turns your tv on.

‘What’s the program for tonight?’ he says, munching on the strawberry pocky you had set out as your study snack.

‘Junkyu I’m not sure if you can see, but I have my Chem notes laying out in front of me so… that’s the plan??’ you respond.

‘Can you like… not be boring for 2 seconds? Noa wants to go out tonight and that never happens so you’re coming.’

'Noa. You're telling me Noa wants to go out? Did you drug him?' you chuckle.

You suddenly hear a knock on the door. As you open the door, a very dressed up Noa is standing there with a bottle of tequila in his hand.

'Pre-game?' he asks.

You look him up and down and you're literally stunned. he's wearing a silky navy blue shirt with ripped jeans. He even has tiny gold hoops hanging from his ears and his hair is parted in the middle, revealing his forehead. You feel your heart pound and your breath quicken.

'Uh... Ok..' you nod after a while, letting him in.

-

Noa and Junkyu take several shots of tequila as you get ready. You tug on your black crop top and skirt down a little as you finally finish your makeup. Noa smiles at you as you come out of the bathroom and you almost shed a tear when you see how his dark eyes sparkle. He mouths the word ‘beautiful’, winking at you.

‘Can you guys at least save me some tequila?’ you cross your arms, narrowing your eyes at the two boys.

-

You had been at the party for exactly 24 minutes when things started getting wild. Old school r&b was bumping through the speakers at Raesung’s house. You were sitting in a corner of the living room, stirring soda with your straw. You had actually planned on drinking until you realized someone had to take care of Junkyu’s drunk ass and it probably wouldn’t be Noa, unless he managed to escape from his fangirls. The place was already trashed. You even saw a pair of Gucci slides floating in the punch bowl. You spot Noa across the room, dancing with a stranger in a tight dress. You were prepared, but it still hurt. Your arms were tired of constantly reaching for something that would never happen.

You looked around, not wanting to be alone. You needed to get him off your mind. Junkyu was already dancing with his bio lab partner Mashiho, swaying his hips with a huge glass of red wine in his hand. Hyunsuk, Raesung and Seunghun were playing a huge game of kahoot so you decided to join them. A few minutes into the game, you feel a hand pressing against your right shoulder and you know exactly who it is.

‘Oh so now you acknowledge my existence?’ you roll your eyes, removing Noa’s hand.

‘Come on y/n, I’m sorry I left you alone.. Let’s go chill on the couch!’ he says a little too enthusiastically, pulling you towards the couch.

He pulls you down next to him, your right leg over his left leg as he stares at you. No words are exchanged for a while and it’s almost like you’re having a staring contest. You take the time to bask in the luxury of seeing his brownish-black eyes and long eyelashes up close. It’s like looking at precious stones.

‘I missed you.’ he whispered.

‘What do you mean? We’ve been apart for less than 20 minutes?’ you retorted.

‘I know. I just always miss you. I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately.’ he muttered.

You took a large gulp of your soda, trying to ignore his stare. You couldn’t tell if he was playing with you but from the stern expression on his face, he seemed honest. Your words freeze within your throat as you fall into his eyes once again.

‘I need to go to the bathroom’ you choke out, rushing upstairs.

Noa’s eyes flutter close, hands raking through his hair in frustration. He’s a writer but communication isn’t really his strong point.

-

An hour later Junkyu is considerably drunk while Noa is considerably sad. You ended up escaping him to go take care of Junkyu.

‘I-Is this room spinning? Ohhh it’s a disco partayyy whoah Raesung really snapped!’ he rambled on enthusiastically as you clutched his arms.

‘I can guarantee you, your head is the only thing spinning in this room.’ you sigh, dragging him next to Noa’s spot on the couch.

‘Noa looks sad…’ Junkyu hums, leaning onto to the former.

‘I’m fine.’ Noa muttered, leaving to get a drink.

-

It’s only 3 hours later that you finally get to talk to Noa. You drove Junkyu back to his dorm so it was only you and Noa in the car. You parked the car in front of Noa’s dorm a few minutes ago and he still hasn’t gotten out.

‘What do you want from me?’ he whispers.

‘What do you mean?’ you reply, breathing heavy.

‘You know exactly what I mean. What do I have to do to prove that I really want to be with you?’

‘Noa this is ridiculous we’re just friends.’ you shake your head.

‘We think about each other a little too often to be just friends.’ he replies, eyes burning into you.

‘Look, I know that I’m forgetful, I’m a know-it-all, I’m cold and sometimes indecisive but if there’s one thing I’m sure about it’s you.’

‘Is that so? You didn’t look too sure about me when you were practically making out with that girl on the dancefloor.’ you retort.

He sighed, exhausted at the fact that he still had to explain himself.

‘Me dancing with one girl because you were avoiding me like the plague doesn’t mean I don’t mean what I just said. I’m in love with you. I’m in love with the way you care for everyone around you, the way your nails glitter, the way your hair falls, the way you constantly bite on your coffee straw… It’s everything about you y/n.’

You sink into your seat, slightly overwhelmed.

‘I feel the same way…’ you slowly whisper, glancing at him.

‘Then can we please make this work?’

‘Yes. As long as you stay by my side.’ you say, flashing him a bright smile as you hug him.

A soft look settled in his eyes as he kissed you gently. As he played with your hair he felt a warm and fuzzy feeling in his stomach and he just knew. No matter how much he had read or written about love, nothing could compare to actually feeling it.

-

masterlist 

#yg silver boys #yg silver boys scenarios #yg silver boys reactions #noa kazama #kpop fluff #kpop angst #yg trainee #YG Entertainment