#and ih ruthlessness. even if it kills the love of your life. even if it costs you your humanity

[raininyourblackeyes]

My mom keeps nagging me to let her read my fantasy wip... Just the prologue starts with a man having his heart cut out of his chest as a sacrifice to a god and him kissing a dude who is doing it to screw up any future life prospects. My mom is a woman in her mid-50s born and raised in rural Bosnia. Not a chance I'm giving her a sentence to read.

#writing stuff #and then the rest of the story is just blood and gore. lies and deceit. betrayal and horrors. desire as violence. twisted divinity #a faithless priestess. a lesbian pirate queen. twins trying to kill each other for the throne. the tragedy set in stone #love was there but it did not change anything. in fact it made everything worse #killing as a love language. gods who don't answer the prayers but that's why the main character does #and he is so so much worse #also it features killing gods but immortality is a terribly complicated concept here #magic system - more like a government conspiracy top secret program #it has greed and grief and sometimes it is the same thing #cruelty and gentleness sitting at the same table #and religion being nothing less than love no matter how terrifying and twisted it is (for the main characters at least) #and ih ruthlessness. even if it kills the love of your life. even if it costs you your humanity #but also so much stubborn hope in human heart #in conclusion magic as an agent of holy but grotesque #and love as wound that can't even bleed #murders and battle scenes obvi #brief imprisonment #metaphors becaue i am influenced by my high school literature teacher #dude's chest cavity filled with rot because it was carved out by his husband's/high emperor's/enemy's hands #hot brilliant librarian #forgiveness! #your hands are covered with blood of my people and you shoulder that crime with too much ease my love so this will take time undoing you #-from my blood but i will have my vengeance!!!!! #sorry i got carried away. #i will go to sleep now #point is my mom can absoluetly not read it. it is for me and my 3 closest friends.

[silxntrabiddog]

🤗 gimme ur angst

🤗: Could you give us an angsty excerpt about your muse?

//Okay, this actually made me dig DEEP into this blog, because I had a few very angsty things here. One of them resulted in Insanity verse and it was… well, look at it~ (the whole thing is here)

Faster, faster!    It was just minutes ago, when a sudden report came to the Mafia headquarters. One of the dangerous missions they were leading went wrong. No one knew what happened, they lost all contacts.    Gin was there. Oh god. Gin was there with them…    Akutagawa refused to even think that something bad happened to his sister. She was Akutagawa. She was strong. There was no way someone could hurt her or kill her. No fucking way.However, there was a very bad feeling, clutching the Mafia Dog’s chest. It was suffocating him even more than the cold air biting into his lungs as he was running as for dear life. May it be his sixth sense, he hoped, he prayed, it was just an overreaction.    He was nearing the places, causing the pain only by a single look. There were memories tied to them, the ones he suppressed and buried deep into the darkest depths of his mind. They were now screeching, clawing, trying to get on the surface. He passed the place where he was born for the second time. The ravenette remembered that tree near the road… They both, him and his dear sister were given a new life right in this place. Akutagawa couldn’t even think of their lives - both or just the one of them - ending in that place. It wasn’t right.

   As soon as the raven man arrived at the place of the mission, a terrible image hit his eyes. As he was running through the field, he could see familiar faces staring at him from the ground. Lifeless, splattered with mud and blood. Ryunosuke Akutagawa, the ruthless killer of Port Mafia, the one whom the whole Yokohama feared was there, stumbling around the ditches, with a terrified expression ih his face, searching for a sign of his sister’s presence. He didn’t care about enemies in the front, nor the shots and yells echoing through the air. “Gin!!”     Akutagawa’s voice broke as he ran to the body lying in the grass. It was her, it was his sister! Falling on his knees beside the young woman, the mafioso carefully took the limp body into his arms.    “Gin… I.. I am here. I will take you b- …”    Her eyes… No.. NO NO NO!! Those beautiful gray eyes which used to smile at him with such  care and love were now empty, motionless, dead.    “Sister…” just a weak whisper, full of unbearable pain, Akutagawa slowly removed the mask from the girl’s face and caressed her cheek. She was already getting cold… there was no way how to save her. He failed. He didn’t make it there on time. It was his fault.    “Gin… why… we pro-… promised… so why…”    Loud sobs were shaking the man’s sickly frame as he hugged his sister’s dead body close to his chest, rocking her in his arms. He wanted to scream, but he couldn’t find a breath to do so, throat tightening more and more every second. Just silent, shakily yelps were echoing around that deadly place, however, not a single tear fell out from the Black Dog’s eyes. Dogs don’t cry, after all…

#hahaha I found a few good angsty threads and now I am crying :'D #also shit this was like.. almost two years ago?? #my writing then was kinda shitty ayyy #chijouku