#and one speaker going on a tirade before RoevWade was officially disolved

[void-tiger]

…wonder if being silly and trying to coax someone else to be silly is what makes me attractive? (Even when it’s honestly a defense mechanism on my part… thumbing my nose. Being belligerent to norms. Norms have always made itchy and depressed and anxious so I Ain’t Doin’ That Anymore, Deal With It.)

#tiger’s musings #…I sent a hellmo burnaway cake reel that was actually a rickroll #got a ‘gosh I love elmo’ #’cause well. a rickroll’s a rickroll. but also they made a hellmo jackolantern so…2for1?? #and…I swear it was right about when I just went. FUCK THIS. wore jewelry and converse and my denim jacket over the ghibli or flower print #because I had finally had ENOUGH!! of church being not just Don’t Say Liberal/Gay/Feminism #but outright a Free Platform for Right Wing Politics #and one speaker going on a tirade before RoevWade was officially disolved #about how evil and selfish women are. how ‘freewill’ in general doesn’t exist and is Sin Actually #and No One spoke up against it quietly in private or otherwise #I…yeah. I had enough #amped up my Manic Pixie more than ever #I will ONLY be ‘liked’ for my singing and because I’m a worker and generally kind #but nothing will ever be real. so I am DONE playing by THEIR ‘stumbling block’ rules and being socially controlled to ‘keep peace’ #and yeah. became Marginally less anxious and depressed as a result of FUCK. THIS. #and…I swear that’s when I finally became noticed #because while I Can’t Dare to openly talk about MY values and what me and my friends are Actually #I CAN become Ms Frizzle and silently DARE someone to protest it or swallow a sour grape #and…y’know. gain actual confidence vs bravado #by laughing when someone else is Silly Too. #and looks so damn pleased they made me laugh without feeling selfconcious for laughing and laughing ‘too loud’ #because…yeah. I Have been scolded. SO MUCH. for ALL my emotions being Too Intense Too Loud. #INCLUDING laughter. #but…Silly is my rebellion.