#and that yes ed is bloody well scared and miserable

[insteading]

So I've only watched 2.1, 2.2., and 2.3 once each so far, but I can already tell the music choices are going to wreck me this season. I figure lots of people will have things to say about the use of Kate Bush in 2.3, so I want to focus on the second movement of Beethoven's Symphony #7 in 2.2, "Red Flags."

First, this movement has been a banger since it existed: at its first performance, the audience demanded that the second movement be repeated after the symphony concluded. It's a funeral march, and per the notes accompanying the Deutsche Kammerphilharmonie of Bremen's gorgeous recording, it was likely heard as responding to collective grief:

The premiere performance of Beethoven's Seventh was at a benefit concert in Vienna in December 1813 for wounded soldiers and their families. It came only two months after the Battle of Nations near Leipzig. The German name is "Völkerschlacht" (Slaughter of the Peoples), one of the most catastrophic wartime events in human history. It also marked the liberation from Napoleon's forces. The sad, beautiful quality of this piece makes it very different from the other three movements of Beethoven's Seventh. Endlessly mournful – but also uplifting, it is still played at funerals today.

For those of us who were in music school at a certain point in history, it is also the soundtrack for characters experiencing suicidal ideation, courtesy of the 1994 film Immortal Beloved.

Its use underpinning the conversation between Ed and Izzy is self-explanatory: Ed's way of expressing self-loathing is to goad the people around him to hurt him. He feels a kind of ambivalence toward his own life that we saw last in OFMD's pilot, where Stede cannot firmly answer Oluwande's question, "Do you want to live?!"

But we hear the first notes of Beethoven before that scene ever begins.

That the music begins here, rather than when Ed enters the hold to press Izzy into killing him, highlights as much as anything we've seen so far how traumatized Lucius is: not just by being pushed overboard, but by all the trafficking and abuse he experienced before encountering his former crewmates, which he barely starts to detail in this episode. "If I start, I don't know what's going to come out." The stories Lucius shares may have an over-the-top quality, but they're scored like tragedy.

#tw suicidality #i have a lot to say about izzy taunting ed for being too afraid to kill himself #in order to obscure the fact that he is also too afraid to kill ed #and that it's not a matter of principle #and that yes ed is bloody well scared and miserable #and that part of what he needed was permission to feel those emotions #and maybe also that in some way he feels like his life ended when he tried to commit to being blackbeard instead of ed #but there might be other times for that #edward teach #izzy hands #lucius spriggs #ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd s2 spoilers #beethoven

[mertronus]

Perfect Courage

This has been in my head ever since I first saw the music video for "Perfect" by Ed Sheeran. So, feeling in an extra fluffy mood tonight, I put the video on a loop, stuck my headphones on, and started to write. And this little beauty came out of it.

Summary: Ron and the crew go on a weekend ski trip...will he finally get the chance and find the courage to tell the girl he loves how he feels? (rated G)

Read it on AO3

****

'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love Not knowing what it was I will not give you up this time

Friday

I stepped off the train and pulled my coat tighter around me. Blimey it was cold. But I guess when you’re in the mountains of Switzerland, it’s to be expected.

I made my way through the station until I stepped out into the village and adjusted my rucksack on my shoulder. Looking up I could just make out the slopes that I guessed I would be hurtling down on a pair of wooden sticks the next day. Who’s idea was this anyway?

Right...Hermione’s.

A smile stretched across my face. Not a surprise that I would do something like this simply because Hermione suggested it. Because Hermione organized it. Because it was Hermione’s parents’ property where we would be staying.

Anything with Hermione’s name on it I would immediately sign up for. I would do anything for her.

I started walking down the street towards the cafe we were meant to all meet, thinking about my best friend. I’ve known her almost all my life, been in love with her since - good God at least since we were thirteen. At least, that’s when I cottoned on to the fact that I couldn’t get enough of being around my nagging, know-it-all, nightmare of a best friend.

And yet, I never made a move, I was too scared, too nervous, feeling too unfanciable or too undeserving...I was convinced she would never go for the likes of me. And, more than all of that, I didn’t want to lose her as a best friend. I was resigned to being her friend for the rest of her life if that meant I got to be in it.

Until she started dating that bloody wanker Cormac McLaggen.

He treated her alright - I would have treated her better - and she seemed happy enough, but I was miserable. I couldn’t do it. For a whole year I watched them and dreaded the moment she would ask me to walk her down the aisle to the tosser.

When she finally ditched him before the fall semester started, I made up my mind. There was no life for me if Hermione wasn’t in it - like really in it. And mine. Otherwise it’s absolute torture. But with us attending different universities, and her in super studious mode during the semester, I never got my chance...until now.

So, yeah, while I hate the very thought of skiing, my attendance on this friends weekend adventure with our lot from school definitely has an ulterior motive. This weekend I would make my move. This weekend I would tell her how I feel. This weekend I would finally, finally, tell Hermione Granger how unbelievably in love with her I am.

I found a love for me Oh darling, just dive right in and follow my lead Well, I found a girl, beautiful and sweet Oh, I never knew you were the someone waiting for me

When I reached the cafe, the first thing I noticed through the window was an adorable head of curly brown hair. She looked amazing sitting there all comfortable in her oversized jumper and hat. The waitress was just handing her a steaming cup - likely tea. More specifically Earl Gray tea with half a sugar and just a bit of milk.

Yes, I know how she takes her tea. Don’t judge. I did say we’ve been best friends since we were kids right? Sod off then.

I took a deep breath and opened the door to step in. Courage of a Lion ...our school motto. Am I a lion or not?

“Ron!” she cried, a huge grin on her face. “You’re early!”

“Well, yeah I - OOF!” I caught her mid lunge and wrapped my arms around her waist. My nose involuntarily dipped into her curls and I breathed her in. Her familiar scent warmed me immediately and I knew my ears were likely bright red. She pulled back and looked at me expectantly. Oh, yeah...what was I saying to her? Right...early...I’m early.

“Caught the earlier train so I wouldn’t be late,” I finally explained.

“Well, I’m glad,” she grinned and reached up to ruffle my hair. I fought the urge to close my eyes at the feeling of her fingers running through my locks. “Been so long since we’ve had time together - the two of us.” When I looked into her eyes, I could have sworn I caught a glimpse of something...longing? Love? Blimey I hope so.

She led me over to the table and plopped me down as she began talking a mile a minute. Most of us were starting our final semester at uni in a couple of weeks, but Hermione of course beat us all to the finish line, having graduated a semester early...with honors thank you very much. Did I mention how bloody brilliant she is?

I gazed at her as she filled me in on all I’ve missed recently in her life - the last exams she took, the jobs she’s going for, visiting her parents over the holidays…

“But oh, listen to me drone on and on, what about you Ron? How was your season? Your semester?”

I snapped myself out of my daze and tried to collect my thoughts as best as I could. I told her a bit about how things were going with football, how I scraped by as usual with my usual mediocre grades and recapped my own holidays. Suddenly it hit me that this was likely the only time this weekend we would be alone. If I wanted to talk to her, now was the time.

Now or never. Courage of a Lion.

“I’ve uh...I’ve been thinking a lot too, Mione,” I said softly.

“Don’t think too hard, Ron,” she teased as she took a sip of her tea.

“Yeah har-dee-har-har,” I shook my head but grinned at her. For a moment I forgot what I was saying altogether as the sun made some of her curls look golden dancing around her head. It always caught me off guard how beautiful she is. How much I love her.

Right...focus Weasley. Just say it... ‘Hermione Granger, I love you’...

“Hermione, I..I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about -”

“Harry!”

“No, not of...what?” She jumped up and ran off to throw her arms around our other best friend...the one who always seemed to have the most impeccable timing.

“Hi Hermione,” he said with a grin. He released her and patted my shoulder. “How’re you Ron?”

I stood and smiled, pulling him into a hug. I was really happy to see him, even if I wished he waited another ten minutes or so. “Good, happy to see you mate.”

Behind Harry, Hermione was happily greeting my sister Ginny - who was dating my git of a best mate - and our friend Neville. It wasn’t long before Dean and Seamus came bustling into the little cafe to join us.

“We’re all here!” Hermione exclaimed. “Shall we head up to the cabin?”

It wasn’t long before all of our bodies and bags were piled into a van that Hermione rented for the weekend to get us around. Not a fan of driving the slick roads of the mountains, she asked me to drive. I was a bit disappointed when Neville happily called bagsy and jumped in the passenger seat beside me. I was really hoping to have Hermione beside me for the almost thirty minute drive up the mountain. Instead, I watched as Hermione wound up squeezed in between Dean and Seamus way in the back since Harry and Ginny took the middle two seater.

Gits. All of them were gits.

We drove up the mountain and I tried to keep my focus solely on the road, but it was hard when I kept wanting to glance back in the rearview mirror to catch a particular pair of brown eyes. I caught her eyes a couple of times and she smiled at me...it was as if the smile was only for me.

I really had to focus on the road.

“Ooh I love this song!” Ginny suddenly lunged forward to turn up the radio as Ed Sheeran’s “Sing” was starting up.

“ I don't wanna know If you're getting ahead of the programme…”

I glanced back and laughed at the sight of my friends singing at the top of their lungs.

“I want you to be mine, lady And to hold your body close Take another step into the no-man's land For the longest time, lady…”

I watched Hermione laughing with Dean as they sang and felt a pang of jealousy...until she looked up and caught my eye again and winked. I blushed and looked at the road but when I glanced back up, she was still singing and watching me. A chill ran through my body although the van’s heat was blasting.

We decided to stay in that night and get an early start the next morning. Hermione’s parents had the caretakers stock the fridge and pantry, so the seven of us had a good time pulling out random ingredients and making a hodge-podge of food - paired with the excessive amounts of liquor Seamus procured for us of course.

Everyone started to drop off one by one, and I tried to hang on so I could maybe get a few moments alone with Hermione again, but the last thing I remembered seeing was the girl of my dreams curled up on the armchair before I dozed off myself.

Saturday

Ski lifts are bloody scary!!! It’s bad enough you have all this gear on with your coats and snow pants and boot, then you’re also clipped to these long wooden sodding sticks that are weighing you down, all while sitting precariously on a bench that’s flying through the air.

Who’s idea is this of fun!?!?

“Having fun Ron?” Her arm wrapped around mine and she pulled herself in close as we rode the lift up to the top of the slopes.

I smiled but I’m pretty sure a wince was seen too. “Bit nervous honestly.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t let you fall…” I pulled her in close and nuzzled my nose in her hair. “Not too much anyway.”

Okay, I’ll admit it: skiing is kind of fun. Or rather, skiing with Hermione is fun.

We spent the entire day on the slopes, stopping for an early lunch and mid-afternoon to warm up. Hermione spent most of the day teaching me the ropes and I spent most of the day falling on my arse. Even Neville showed me up - him, Dean and Seamus speeding passed us repeatedly on snowboards.

We finally called it a night and headed into the inn for dinner and drinks. We were a few shots in when someone got the great idea to start up karaoke. I hid myself in the back as much as my tall frame with flaming red hair would allow, but quite enjoyed watching Hermione and Ginny’s rendition of “Lady Marmalade.”

As I sat there watching her laughing and carrying on with my little sister, my mind wandered to many more nights like this...double dates with Harry and Ginny, playdates with all of our kids, family events where Hermione feels really comfortable letting her hair down because she knows she’s with people who love her and have her back.

Well I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share her home I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets To carry love, to carry children of our own

“Hey,” a voice called out to me. I looked up to see Hermione leaning over me. I was so lost in my thoughts, I didn’t even realize that her and Ginny were finished and Dean had taken the stage with Neville and Harry. “Come with me?”

I’ll go anywhere with you. “Yeah...uh sure. Where we going?” I stood and pulled on my coat. It honestly didn’t matter where we were going...as long as it was just the two of us.”

“You’ll see!” She threw her own coat around her and spun around with a laugh as she head out the door. I laughed too because I loved it when she let loose and had a few drinks. She spent so much of her time fussing over books and school and all of the boring adult things that bogged down our lives. Seeing her like this - now spinning in the falling snow trying to catch flakes with her tongue - this is the Hermione I love most. I love all sides of Hermione Granger, but this side...this side is the most beautiful side.

I threw my head back to catch snow on my tongue too, making faces and noises to get her really laughing. I dropped my head to look for her when I felt a distinct splat on my back.

“Oh it’s a snowball fight you want is it?” I called as she ran off towards the road that led up to our cabin. I stooped over and gathered a massive snowball as I commenced chase, her squealing as she ran ahead of me. I aimed and caught her right in her bum.

“Ronald!” She yelled with a laugh. “I’ll get you for that!” She ran toward me with a handful of snow and jumped on my back to stuff it down my back - a favorite torture method of ours when we were kids.

Her laughter echoed in my ears with her so close. I grabbed onto her legs and spun her around on my back to keep her there. “Roooooon!” she yelled. “I’m getting dizzy!” We both toppled into a mound of snow in a fit of giggles. I slid over so I wouldn’t crush her and we lay in the snow in a fit of tipsy hysterics. I looked over to see she had slid away from me in the snow, and was reaching the tips of her fingers to mine smiling. Suddenly she started to giggle again and waving her arms in the snow while moving her legs. I followed suit and after a bit we helped each other up to admire our snow angels.

She hugged my arm and leaned in close. “I want to show you something.”

I took off after her towards our cabin. It was obvious the others weren’t back yet and I thought this could be my chance. Get her in the cabin and get a few minutes alone before the others decided to walk back.

But she ran passed the cabin into the woods behind it.

“Hermione! Where are you going?!”

“Come on!”

We ended up running right into a smaller cabin hidden just a few yards away from the main cabin where we all were staying.

“What’s this?” I asked when we stopped.

“Come on,” she said again, pulling me inside. It was a cozy little one room cabin, a tiny kitchenette in one corner, and a couch and a few chairs around a rug with a stone fireplace. There were stairs leading up to a loft where I could just see a low bed with blankets and pillows just waiting to be crawled into.

“It was an old shed that the caretakers renovated into a separate guest house when there were a lot of people staying in the cabin,” Hermione explained. “When we used to come with the rest of my family, my grandparents stayed out here, to get away from the noise of their kids and grandkids in the cabin.”

“It’s cozy,” I said quietly, looking around. “And quiet.” I caught her eye and smiled. “Hiding out here tonight?”

She blushed but shrugged nonchalantly. “We can...if you want.”

“If you want.”

As if she couldn’t surprise me anymore, she pulled out a small bag with a change of clothes - for both of us.

“Hey! I’ve been looking for this Oxford United shirt! You’ve had it all this time?”

“Remember after Ginny’s birthday party a couple years ago? I was supposed to go home but it was pouring rain and your mum pretty much forbade me to leave.”

I nodded and smiled. “And you came to steal pajamas from me. My Oxford United shirt and,” I pulled a pair of navy blue flannel pajama bottoms out of the bag, “and these.”

She shrugged. “I wore them home and I guess I kept forgetting to give them back. Figured we’d need something to change into - which I’m glad I thought of it since we were literally rolling in the snow!”

We each took opposite corners of the room and turned to give the other privacy to change. As I was changing, I caught sight of something behind the couch. I pulled out a pretty pristine acoustic guitar when I felt Hermione come up behind me.

“My Grandad’s,” she breathed. “He must have left it here.” I sat on the arm of the couch and set it across me, plucking a few strings.

“Bit out of tune but…” I started twisting and tuning the guitar to my liking.

Hermione smiled as she sat in front of me. “I forget you used to play.”

“Still do, sometimes,” I said softly. “I just fiddle around mostly, nothing crazy. I’m no Ed Sheeran or nothin,” I chuckled.

“No,” she sighed. “You’re definitely cuter.” Our eyes locked and I tried to form the words but it was as if I was frozen - trapped in her gaze as I fell mercilessly farther and farther in love with her. “Tea,” she breathed out.

“Huh? What?”

“Tea,” she stood. “I’ll make us both a cup. Two sugars and a bit of cream?”

I smiled and nodded. “Perfect.”

As she kept herself busy in the tiny corner kitchenette, I suddenly had a moment of inspiration and started playing a song I knew, thrilled that I remembered it.

Courage like a Lion, Weasley.

“That sounds familiar,” she said as she set my cup on the small table besides me and sat back in her spot.

“Yeah,” I whispered. She sipped her tea and watched me, her eyes bright and round and locked onto mine. I cleared my throat and started to sing softly.

“We are still kids, but we're so in love Fighting against all odds I know we'll be alright this time Darling, just hold my hand Be my girl, I'll be your man I see my future in your eyes”

Tears started to form in her eyes as she stilled and watched me intently. I knew my voice was likely rubbish, but I didn’t care. When she looked at me that way, I felt as if I could do anything.

“Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song I have faith in what I see Now I know I have met an angel in person And she looks perfect I don't deserve this You look perfect tonight”

When I stopped playing, she set her cup down and wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Ron,” she started.

I pushed the guitar aside and slid down off the arm of the couch to sit beside her. My hands cupped her face and her fingers wrapped around my wrists. “Ron,” she said again, this time as if she was pleading with me. I answered her by pulling her face to mine and brushing my lips against hers softly.

I pulled back the tiniest bit and looked at her. “This okay?”

“More than,” she breathed out. At that I captured her lips with mine and vowed to never let her go.

I was lost. Completely and utterly gone. Her lips were as soft as I imagined they’d be and more. They were gentle and yet persistent, shy and yet demanding. I marveled at how she could always be so many things at once.

When we pulled apart, I noticed she was crying again. “You alright Hermione?”

She let out a slow breath and smiled. “Never better.”

“Good, because I believe I made you an offer.”

“And...what offer was th-that?”

“Be my girl, I’ll be your man,” I rubbed my nose against hers. “Cause I most definitely see my future in your eyes.” She giggled and nodded. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

But darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own And in your eyes, you're holding mine Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favourite song When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight

#romione #romione fluff