#and the fact that my medical transition is stuck because i can't find any clinics that prescribe testosterone only makes things worse

[mynameisbillandimaheadcase]

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#dysphoria got to me #i haven't felt this bad in almost years i thought i was good with my gender expression #but getting reminded that my p*rents only see me as a girl and that i am not allowed to shop at the men's section kinda #brought all of it back #i am so fucking self conscious about my body now it hurts #i will definitely postpone showering bc i can't stand looking at me #i was never even close to passing i was only fooling myself #and the fact that my medical transition is stuck because i can't find any clinics that prescribe testosterone only makes things worse #will i ever fucking transition #if i am being realistic no #ifk the s*icidal thoughts are back for once #I really hope all of this doesn't trigger a dispersive episode #I wan to focus on my future and the plans i made but it's hard #i don't even feel like i have a future #if i am being honest i am going to probably k*ll myself alone in my house once i go to college #just me and my gender expression without anyone to tell me how much of a girl i really am #i will be safe #i am the only person in my life that truly see me as who i really am #and that's okay #i don't have to fight it #i will never be who i want to be #i am stuck in this body i can't change #and i can only see one wey out