#anyway. again maybe someone will resonate with this bc i remember reading a rant similiar to this literally when that guy said no to me

[vzajemnik]

HELPPPP i cant tell if playing a character and living as them for the past . 2?? 2.5??? more than that??? years??. has actually been easier for me bc of the mortifying ordeal of being known or bc of the autism or what but now i feel like i have no true characteristics and 0 social skills and whatever else i used to have when i hated every fiber of my being but at least i was getting fucked on a regular basis BUT by men im not even sure im at all attracted to. basically what do you do if youve lived the first years of your young adult life being perceived as a bisexual woman when youre not even a woman. also your attraction to men seems made up at this point but youve lived like this ur whole life. basically guys i dont think i can do this anymore ...........

#🗞️ #not deleting this ever maybe sth will resonate w some of you❤️ peace and love #also just to add. fucking men to prove some nonexistent point not even to myself i dont know who #but every time i was doing it i was like yeas❤️ ive made it #men ive never been attracted to ever ......... they just kept getting worse and worse as the time went on .......... #anyway after 1 party and another guy i was like. actually let me end this fuckboy era ill go out to drinks with him❤️ and i asked him out #AND HE SAID NO........ #AND MY FUCKING REACTIOJ WAS. HOW COULD YOU FUCKING SAY NO I DO EVERYTHING TO BE AS ATTRACTIVE TO CISHET MEN AS POSSIBLE WHAT IS YOUR ISSUE . #???????? . ???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????? #anyway literally the next day i started reading stone butch blues bc sth switched in my brain something like huh #maybe i dont view cishet men like nornal people but as tools for me to get society points of approval. like what. WHAT ???????? #anyway. again maybe someone will resonate with this bc i remember reading a rant similiar to this literally when that guy said no to me #and i was like. yeah at least im not alone in this fucking insanity. god bless