#anyways im gonna go do what ive planned just now

[b4kuch1n]

tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"

#bakuspeech #number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u #he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up #(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out) #we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment #and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here #but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something #but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku #but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this #this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and #that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing #but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it #its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with #and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually #I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay #but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol #not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real #and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself #and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god #that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao #but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them #have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway

[astranauticus]

oh i absolutely gave myself way too much of a workload this semester but holy shit i finally have like... about 80% of that orv changgwi animatic down in concept and i am. cartoon villain cackling

#asto speaks #when (yes WHEN not IF) i get it done its gonna hurt so bad #i mean i dont think it'll get done *soon* cuz god my workload this semester is. something #but if my math isnt wrong the webtoon is only gonna get to chapter 188 (where i plan to cover up to in the animatic) in like june so #ive got time?? kinda?? anyway i literally *cannot* stop thinking about this fucking idea so mark my words i will get it done #also yes its going to hurt me to make too because i havent ever done an animatic for a full song yet #changgwi is one of those songs thats kinda impossible to split up idk #also because my BEST ideas are at exactly the beginning and ending of the song. convenient. #the ending was like my one major concern when i first thought of this idea actually cuz the part of the song that #originally made me think of orv was that second (third?) verse of like the spirit telling the story of its own death that felt very yjh idk #but i just had. no idea what to do with the second half of the song #but then i read the novel and chapter 188 hit me in the back of the head with a baseball bat #and now that ending might be my favourite part of the whole project #>:) #big massive sorry to all my rwd mutuals btw i know there was a bit where i kept talking about making another rwd animatic #i do still have that sitting in my brain just cuz ive already animated a few segments of the song #i just dont reaaally have a full plan for the whole thing exactly so #by this point im just seeing if we get any DX-TR lore in s5 that might inspire me idk #project 2 electric boogaloo #stay tuned idk i have a bit of a proof of concept i plan to make this/next week #its funny actually cuz i got introduced to this song through an arknights animatic i saw on bb and i spent #honestly an embarrassing amount of time worrying if some of the ideas i have in my plan were just like. subconsciously stolen from that one #but i was like procrastinating schoolwork today and trying to plan out some stuff and just #went and looked up every changgwi animatic on bilibili i could find #and turns out the stuff i was worried id been stealing are honestly just like. common among *all* the stuff ive seen that use that song? #like cuz the official lyric video for the song is just so. stylistically *striking* a lot of genetic material from that just makes its way #into everything people make using that song like at this point the monochrome red colour scheme and like #ending on a backwards timelapse (?) through the vid is basically like scenes a faire for any changgwi animatic LMAO

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ay ay ay. now that the soul crushing project is done ive elected to spend the week managing data #which is decidedly more chill than what ive been doing for the last month but also isnt not doing anything and it isnt getting stuff done #for when i have to move. so thats annoying. and ive been drawing again at least but i can feel the escalation in my controlling behavior #so its now very frustrating trying to draw anything. coloring is gonna take a million years rip. #also suddenly everyone wants to b social rn? like tomorrow my boss is organizing a thing with an old lab mate and this weekend a #collaborator is having a retirement party. and next week my lab mates wanna do a trivia night. and i kno that i should go to these things. #and i will try but i really dont want to go to any of it. mostly for driving reasons but also im a husk of a person rn. but the more #devastating thing is that uh next week one of the kids i grew up with is getting married to a rich girl lol. and like we werent that close #bc i was and am such an asocial freak but after the wedding my parents r picking up their new camper and camping their way across the #country with my sisters. and im sure someone probably told me the dates of these things at some point but if u tell me dates i will #instantly forget them. so thats. ya kno. happening over basically the next 2 weeks while i have to kill myself over measurements for a #different study i dont care abt. and like. its fine. ill see them mid may for a different planned trip. it just makes me kinda sad #a product of living halfway across the country i guess. im just inherently more disconnected to everyone. i would suspect thsts semi #intentional subconsciously. u cant b upset abt not being able to connect with ppl if you create enough physical distance that u never see #them in the 1st place. u cant misunderstand me if i make myself absent and unknowable. idk. i was explaining to my mum that i didnt realize #the timeline and she was like. understandable whatever u wanna do! and idk y that upsets me so much. i guess its just that i dont want to b #doing this. its causing me pain but dont kno how to articulate it in a way that makes sense. whatever. my mouth hurts. my lips r so chapped #that the irritation is spread past my lip line. probably doesnt help thst i keep rubbing at it lol. anyway things r still annoying #less soul crushing thsn last week but still frustrating #unrelated

[espresso-cookie]

my bitchass thinking about cookie run multi animator projects again

#The last time i wanted to do one the thought fell through cause it was 2021 and that was like my horror year #and also it just wasnt planned at all i didnt even have a song picked #HOWEVER this time i DO have an idea AND a song #multiple problems though: its for an ultra specific AU nobody knows about and theres like. two cookie run animators out there #youll never guess what ultra specific au it is (linus we know its rbp) #ive literally been thinking about this for like a week now #the multi animator project scene is like dead i havent seen ANYTHING for it in the past few years #(i have to spell out the full name instead of the abbreviation so people know what im talking about) #if nobody knows what the FUCK im talking about just YouTube OC multi animator project #UPDATE multi animator projects are still alive the warriors fandom is still going absolutely batshit and i am HERE for it #Anyways rbp lives rent free in my brain #I think I could probably turn it into something more vague like a sort of cookiebots vs cookies type beat but #however lemon dj aloe and caramel are CRUCIAL #you'll never guess what i just thought of 2 minutes later #color palette usage #my brain is like overflowing with ideas it's NOT normal and its not gonna happen #unless? #<- /j

[pepprs]

ok mutuals be honest. should i “break up” w my counselor over these texts yes or no

#purrs #i don’t have the spoons to type much let alone reply to anybody ESPECIALLY not him bc this fucking pissed me off so bad i have been too #angry to reply. like what the fuck is this. im going through a hard time right now so why are you judging me for wanting us to talk about #that instead of me doing your stupid little homework assignment. i just feel so judged by him all the time and i can’t work up the courage #to tell him or end things. but i am actually dreading talking abt this new development / topic w him anyways bc the last time we talked abt #it he judged and pushed me so hard and i got SOOOOO angry but also maybe he was right and just saying thigns i didn’t want to hear and then #his supervisor got sick and he said he had this plan for us to do the erikson thing and we’ve barely started it and i feel so bad bc i #genuinely think it could work but i just don’t mesh well with him. but it’s like i should give it a try and stick it out bc there’s only a f #few months left and what if things get better. and also ihavent given him any indication of how unhappy ive been w him as my counselor and i #don’t want to spring it on him out of nowhere. but no we’ve been working together since October and i don’t feel seen or supported by him at #all an di know i have to leave bc i deserve better but things are so bad rn and my brain has been broken all weekend and i just don’t have t #the strength and idk what to reply or if i should but i think everyone is probably gonna say i need to leave him and i think you’d be right. #delete later #i truly do not have the mental capacity to rn but if u go thru my other purrs posts i talk abt some of the shit he’s done that has just been #building and building and i know i need to do smth about it bc it’s not okay. but im so scared.

[dykedragons]

man. should rlly start bringing my sketchbook to work

#ramblies #its raining and we work outdoors so ive just been sitting here on my phone for an hour #I JUST WANNA CREATE STUFF #idk WHAT happened (i do know. college happened) but ever since working full time i just itch to create shit all day. ive been having my #best ideas. i get home from a 9 hour day make myself dinner and inmediately draw most days #like its just. an itch. that needs to be scratched. its whatever the opposite of that burnout i used to have wss #like i JUST WANT TO CREATE FREELY. i just want to LEARN. but i have less time now! #im so excited to do the cool shit i have planned for portfolio and open up my shop and revsmp my commissiok website #jm gonna learn so much and get so good and make the BEST fuckjng portfolio snd make so much money #my girlboss era. to be fucking honest. #ive been insanely busy ive barely touched video games in a couple months. im always jsut… doing shit and being alive #for the first time ever! im so tired! but like. its good #like im saving money and im loving creating things and im making such good memories with my friends #we can do someyhing so simple like. go to the park. and its so nice i make core memories bc we just do stupid shit. its magical. its magica #life is so fucking tiring and overwhelming but for the first time i rlly feel like im living and i havent even gotten my own place yet or #anything like that. like ooggh this is the connection i was missing out on #having mixed feelings abt my ‘stay inside and be a gamer’ era bc no doubt that time has fuelled my drive to work like an ox now (i have #something to prove- i light a fire under my own ass) but also i couldve been having these experiences sooner #but not with the same people im with now. so thats okay #i digress. anyways i wanna draw LMFAO #IM GONNA MAKE MONSTER HUNTER STICKERS its gonna be so rad

[s0urte3th]

mom is bitching at me how i need to wear short sleeves TOMORROW, and just get over it

#‘you NEED to wear them tomorrow’ or what. #youre gonna take my phone away? im just AnXioUs and need to get the fuck over it? #woman youre lucky i dont fucking take my car and leave. youre lucky i don’t disappear without a trace. #‘we love you and dont care and dont judge!’ i understand that. i do. #but sometimes that just doesnt matter. you can say that to me all you want and ill always have a voice saying otherwise! #i cant just get over this hump. i dont know how to explain it to you but i just cant. its not that simple. #i cant just.. get up and get moving like you want me to. i dont know how to tell you that im absolutely fucking exhausted. #‘youve been taking a break for 6 weeks now’ and? i worked my ASS OFF. FOR 5 FUCKING YEARS STRAIGHT. I DESERVE A BREAK! #IVE EARNED A GODDAMN BREAK. IVE EARNED A FUCKING SUMMER OFF. THIS IS MY FIRST SUMMER OFF IN 5 GODDAMN YEARS WOMAN #i dont care if you think im being lazy. im sorry i dont work the same fucking way you do! but thats a you issue! #‘you need to get your life together’ WELL I DONT WANT TO! I DONT WANT TO RIGHT NOW! I WANNA BE A STUPID COUCH BUM! #i basically just learned that EVERYTHING. I WORKED FOR! IS USELESS! i pushed myself to the edge a constant amount of times over the past 5- #years for NOTHING. because i am incapable of doing anything without someone telling me to or holding my hand. #how do you expect me to know what to do with my fucking life when the life i thought i always had was just shattered? #ive trailed off my planned path! i didnt plan for this! i never thought it could happen! i thought id be PERFECT! #imagine being told your entire life how smart and capable you are only to fail right as someone isnt holding your hand anymore. #just #whatever man. if i dont wanna wear short sleeves i wont. if i dont wanna go outside i wont. #i didnt want to interact with the world anyways. especially after finding out that i dont fit in whatsoever.

[samwisefamgee]

how does this week keep getting worse wtf

#this is. so fucking unbearable #the tinnitus makes me want to blow my fucking brains out i dont know why it got so much violently worse so fast #but i guess its like this forever now! and it only gets worse! #i thought id be able to deal with it but if it gets this much worse at this rate im so fuxking dead lol this is insanity #i cant take it on top of everything everything EVERYTHING else if god wants me dead this fucking bad she'll get it #life hasnt been worth it for 12 fucking years it CERTAINLY isnt worth it now that im blinder balder in more.pain and.crazier than ever #and the tinnitus makes the screaming in my head eternal #girl theres no point it just hurts to be alive #i cant pay to fix a single one of my problems and ill need tens of thousands of dollars to even kind of fix all of them #i never got to start my life #i never will. not as the person i was. or ever wanted to be. or even close. ive physically and mentally lost too much to do what id planned #and now i cant even live in peace normally even if i were able to 'fix' everything so much of this is permanent and degenerative #spent 24 years giving everything to my family and they returned the favor by leaving me in a rotting box to die and i let it work lol #only took abouy a year and a half too #my dad's family killed off their mentally ill youngest of six WAY faster than it took em to get to me so i guess they got rusty #anyway i love when the all consuming despair comes back im gonna go cry for a bit and hopefully fall back to sleep

[toastsnaffler]

been checking off all the stuff I've gotten everything of in elden ring so far (nothing crazy just cookbooks, crystal tears, deathroot, paintings/artists spirit, dragon hearts and the tools like crafting pots etc and I've done all npc questlines I can in this run + gotten all the bell bearings that carry over to ng+ 👍) and I was looking at the lists for great gloveworts + ancient dragon stones and I have most of them already so I was feeling pretty good.. and then I counted how many distinct weapons I have so far (166) and searched up how many are in the game..... WHAT DO YOU MEAAAAN 308????

#i feel like ive wielded every kind of weapon ever imagined. how are there TWICE AS MANY AS THAT!!!!!! #a lot of them will probably take some grinding to get... weighing up how committed i am to getting them all #well i probably will. but i WONT be grinding enough playthroughs to upgrade them all to max im not that insane #but ill upgrade them *almost* to max.... theres no limit on regular smithing/somber stones cuz u can just buy them #but theres only 13 ancient dragon and 8 somber ancient dragon stones so u literallt have to beat the ENTIRE game again if u want more #and the max ill get is what. 39 and 24 bc im only planning on doing 3 runs (one for each ending) #and im NOT getting duplicates of everything so i can duel wield them all im a two handed wield guy so i only ever use one at a time #+50% extra damage for every hit r u kidding me im not abandoning that... there are some fights ive used a shield for so i can parry tho #anyway. at least i have a decent amt of the talismans... i think im gonna go for all the rest of those next #and then stonesword keys + locations + ill unlock every site of grace on the map so i have full freedom to get everything else #well all the ones i can at least.. if i missed any in leyndell capital theyre probably inaccessible now bc I burned it down LOL #just so much shit in this game it keeps blowing my mind fr #anyway i reaaaally need to sleep im so tired.. dont wanna go to work tomorrow aoughghh #itll be fine tho i just have one thing all day 👍 and ill feel motivated bc my meds will be working by the time i get there #its kind of nice in a way bc i refuse to think abt my work outside of work hours. shooting that thought down immediately #like when i get the bus im just thinking abt getting the bus. and when im there i have my checklist and if i focus on that it goes by #esp w meds. and then i go home and it doesnt exist for the rest of the day bc i have no sense of past of future <3 #sometimes its kind of nice having a very Present mind like the here and now is all there is. its why im so good at mindfulness shit #i would make a great buddhist ANYWAYYYYYY GOODNIGJT!!!! #.diaries

[nerdie-faerie]

This has got to be the worst move out yet

#packing perils #student living #Uni shenanigans #ace is a mess #oh my god. okay so we start on Tuesday ive been gradually moving my stuff over to my friends house #cus were moving in together in September and shes staying in her place over the summer so well have everything in one place to move in #so take some stuff over to hers on tuesday before her shift then we walk to work together i collect her keys and say bye #go back to mine pack up some more stuff warned her i planned on doing 2 trips while she was working so start figuring out whats going #end up with two tote bags a crate a box and a large bag of boxes decide ill take the heavier tote bag and the box on the first trip #as i cant really carry much else with the box due to its awkward size even though its not particularly heavy and cut through the park to #shave off some time feel pretty good when i get there it wasnt unbareable esp after Saturday when carrying 4 heavy shopping bags ended up #covering me in bruises and scratches and messing my back shoulder and neck up so i feel like underestimated myself on this trip and like i #can take everything on the next trip well its already late in the day cus my mate does evening shift so by time i get back its half 9 so i #decide to cut through the park again to save time but the large shopping bag with my saucepans casserole dish etc is difficult to carry due #to how bulky it is and the crate tho it has handles is also unwieldy so my arms are being bruised and scratched up i cant waste time carryin #everything back home just to put one thing down at this point but im considering putting the biggest bag down in some overgrown plants in #the park speeding to my mates and coming back for it its a stupid and risky idea but its getting dark the sun is almost completely set and #no matter how often i rest i just cant manage it and my damn brain starts worrying about being murdered so i ditch the bag and i can move #much quicker now so rush to my mates and rush back reassure her as im leaving hers that i am bringin her keys back its just after 11 at this #point cus its over 35 minutes to get to hers i get back to the park in just over 20 my bag is still there! and i dont get attacked get my #stuff to her room then hustle to get to her job before she finishes at 12 get there a few minutes to spare shes not ready to go yet anyway #she tells me shes not comfortable with me walking back in the dark i should stay at hers i cant ive got an assignment so she says shes #walking me to mine then going to her boyfriends 5 mins down the road get back to mine shower have dinner and crank out my Wednesday 4pm #assignment by 7am go to bed get about 2 hours sleep before tge fire alarm is tested and then ive got to be up for a meeting with our new #landlord anyway and ofc its raining come back from our meeting grab food and start packing up some more sht get buses over to hers this time #together come back pack some more hope the rain dies down a bit but it doesnt look like its stopping and i somehow fcked my foot carrying #stuff earlier so she texts a coworker asking if they can pick us up they agree so organise a few more things but then a puddle causes their #car to break down the next bus is in over half hour so mate decides shes gonna run to her boyfriends to charge her phone while we wait for #the next bus to be due while shes gone i finish sorting things she then calls asks me to book a taxi cus the rain has only gotten worse when #taxi arrives realise that student accom is basically flooded deciding what to do while at hers cus the weather is unbareable she goes to get

[flugame-mp3]

SEASON NINE FINALE WAS WILD. I HAVE MANY MANY THOUGHTS. WHAT JUST HAPPENED. A FUCKING ROLLER COASTER FOR SURE

#theo.txt #I DID NOT REALIZE DEMON DEAN WAS NOW #DESPITE KNOWING THAT YEAH HE LOOKS ABOUT THAT AGE OR WHATEVER IN THE SCREENCAPS IVE SEEN #WHEN I TELL YOU I CHEERED AT THE END WHEN I REALIZED WHAT WAS GOING ON!!!!! i love crowley pulling some bullshit at the last minute. classi #king of hell shit #and in the end scene where it's just mark sheppard's stellar monologue and the EYELID NOISE... chefs kiss that got me so hyped for s10 #i do think this finale got me really interested to see what s10 brings generally #AND DOESNT ROWENA SHOW UP THIS SEASON?? WE LOVE TO SEE IT IM EXCITED #rip gadreel though he was an interesting character. sad he had to die just to prove a point and blow up a cell. but a fitting end ig?? :( #i also loved cas's plan at the end though with the angel radio thing. get his ass lol #but also god i felt so bad for him. can the narrative give him a fucking break. he is trying his god damn best #the curse of free will and the curse of loving. painful but you do it anyway. castiel when i get my hands on you #also if i am not mistaken... the shot parallels to sams first death with deans death... we cry #IS SAM JUST GONNA BE ALL ALONE NOW?? I ASSUME CROWLEY TAKES DEAN WITH HIM? #OH NO 😭😭😭 SAM BABY IM SO SORRY #not that he doesnt always have a rough time but he has a particularly excruciating season. someone give this man a hug #i feel for him very deeply #'i lied' 'ain't that a bitch?' got me. i hate them. SOOOO brothers. #anyway #AAAAAAAAUGH #also why was metatron the worlds number one destiel shipper at the end of the season here im DEAD. MULTIPLE pieces of dialogue hes like 'yo #did it all for HUMANITY... for your ONE HUMAN of CHOICE... the HUMAN who motivates you...' JUST CALL HIM A SLUR WHY DONT YOU #im dead #idk what the general community thoughts are on that episode but i did enjoy it. wild fucking ride from start to finish #s9 wasnt my favorite and definitely did not hook me in the second quarter for some reason. def was not as compelling as like s7 for me but #the points that i liked i really enjoyed #loved sam resorting to summoning crowley. he wants his ass dead SO bad. i think sam deserves the world after the shit he was put through #this season #anyway overall. i am gnawing on the walls and pacing around my room at incredible speeds. what is UP with this show. #man.

[mayjeffneverstopyou]

.

#ive done gone and been silly goofy with the autism burn out again lads #need to reduce my hours at work NEED TO GET A FUCKING DIAGNOSIS need to learn to live with this fucking capitalist hellscape #i really really did genuinely want to make it in tomorrow (today (in 7 hours)) #but i have so much Fucking Anxiety is cant Fucking Sleep which is gonna make me Not Able To Go In #ahshshjajajaaAAAAAAAA #i want to HOWL in the WOODS like a WOLF #anyway i dont have a solution for this #reducing my hours might help #but only temporarily while i dont have to pay rent #and it is looking like i am never going to be able to work more than part time without Constantly having breakdowns and panic attacks #so uhhhh lol how the fuck am i meant to live #i worked so fUcking hard for this fucking independence and to Not have to go back to my parents #i was couch surfing for FOUR MONTHS and nearly lost my mind and i still didnt go back there #but i have no idea what im gonna do when fox wants to move in with matt #and i wanted to go back to uni part time to do a masters in a subject id Actually fucking enjoy but that was only a feasible plan if #if i could work part time alongside it and I Dont Think I Can Do That #ive gotten better at knowing my limits and it sucks bc omg turns out i sure do have them! #turns out autism is actually a disability and not just a fun personality trait boooo #anyway uhhh okay google play heaven knows im miserable now by the smiths. whatever. #tag ramblings

[danielnelsen]

why does google drive even have a suggestion for this??

#doing some dai file stuff #this doc is 10 pages long and this is the FIRST thing that's even been underlined lmao???? #personal #da #dai #so anyway im not planning my nightmare difficulty run by looking at strategy guides. im planning by looking at the game files #gonna actually make a bunch of armor and weapon sets for different areas which is something i NEVER do #i rarely change armor sets and only in the most recent run did i carry a staff for each element (because promoted enemies could get rough) #but iirc on nightmare difficulty enemies can have elemental immunities rather than just high resistances #so im just going through every immunity/resistance/vulnerability status effect in the game and seeing which creatures have it #then i can plan per faction and more broadly per area #it sucks that you cant change equipment during combat in dai. i didnt even know that until my last run because ive never had to #and to refer back to a post i made a few days/weeks/idk ago.....yes i AM planning to at least start the nightmare run solo #obv with the aim to do the whole thing solo but i wont be upset if i cant. gonna try tho #that's why im planning armor and weapons so much now. gonna plan what masterworks to use too #walking fortress and guard-on-hit/unbowed are gonna be the most useful imo #for playing as a mage that is. i do genuinely think mage is the best for dai solo because you get the most coverage #for like. elemental damage and applying quite a few effects and being able to spec offensive or defensive #oh and i'll probably carry round a bunch of respec amulets. i usually just play spirit/lightning but fire and ice will have their uses #knight-enchanter obviously. not even for the heal (although that's useful) but it's OBVIOUSLY the best for melee #idk. i feel like this last run gave me a lot more to think about in terms of strategy than ive ever had because of all the trials #so im a bit more confidant in actually planning for tough fights. still might just get instantly overwhelmed by damage and give up lmao

[freesomebodybyluna]

Went to go see barbie with a coworker today, which was suuuper good btw and after we went to get froyo, which was so nice bc we talked for like 2 hrs until going home hehe I love making friends!!

#they asked me to go see it after my manager spread around that i was leaving soon which most of my coworkers knew #but since my bff & i had just barely established where we were going to live area wise & barely gotten everything done to move in asap in #her case (im not moving in until my lease is done here in less than a month) i hadnt told him yet but anyways #i said yes & we planned it for today & since we both normally walk or take the bus everywhere last night i was like what if you drive us #there since i have (a now insured) car & you have a license & that way we dont have to worry about walking home after the movie bc the #buses stop by then but yeah they agreed & we were gonna meet at our sbux until i saw them walking by just as i was exiting my apts #and they drove us there then drove themself home & i drove myself back on my own bc they lived close enough that it would've been fine #but boy was i shaking!!!! but ne ways hehe they're going to start giving me lessons which im so facking grateful for 😭😭 #bc even though ive driven since then i haven't gotten genuine lessons since my friend left for her summer internship #and they set goals like teaching my how to drive on the highway & parking faster than i do now #which is so appreciated bc my bff & i are now going to live in an actual big city that has a transit system but is unfortunately a place #where i cant rely on something like that esp if i were to have to open/go into work super early #which is ok here bc i live right next to my job & get there in under one song most days.... #ummm so ya.... #my best friend was gonna show me how to get to & from work once i got down there but this works out better.... 🥺😭 #anyways hehe its so fun making el geebeetee friends it makes my little heart so happy #its also funny that most of our store is el geebeetee & the majority are el geebeetee women or nonbinary hehe #dl

[gommyworm]

:^}

#nothing like talking to my mom to make me completely unravel and reconsider every one of my life choices 🫠 #casual cry at work bc i dont know what to do with my life and i have no goals and i will never be well enough off to satisfy my mom looool #like i know shes scared bc we grew up super poor n she struggled to get where we are now massively but like #why do i need to make 200k to make her happy lol #like im making a decent salary at my full time job and i want to pursue more school so i can expand my horizons and look into diff careers #bc i find my job boring ! altho im very thankful for it ! #but i dont wanna do this for the rest of my life !!!! id literally rather be dead than sit at a desk writing emails for 40 years !!!!! #i was talking to her about going back to my uni and making my minor into a major so i can get a secdon degree #since i already took the majority of the courses i can finish the second degree in 1 year ! i already planned out all the courses n stuff! #but shes like what do u want to do with that why are u wasting ur time doing things that wont put more money in ur pocket #im gonna be applying for my masters this year anyway so i was like might as well do something entertaining with the next year #get a degree out of it n all and then hopefully attend my masters program the next year ? like isnt that cool and impressive or whatever ? #its for my ego ! it makes me feel like im progressing rather than staying stagnant at my job i dont like ! #but she just wants me to make more money lmao like i know moneys tight and its hard n everything #eugh #and shes like increasing the mortgage payments bc she qants to pay the house off asap but making our monthly bills cost more #so it always feels like were one step away from being in a hole we cant get ourselves out of #like why is my entire life focused on making money and supporting a famkly rn lmao im 25 and ive barely been able to live #i judt want to do soem things for myself ! make myself feel good about myself !!! #im sureounded by stem people with nice jobs and good degrees !! all these 22 year olds with masters under their belts and im stuck !!!! #boring and useless and havent lived up to any potential lol im so tired of my stupid inferiority complex i just want to feel like #an interesting and accomplished person like everyone expected me to be !!! especially myself !!!! #this fucking sucks #looking at law school applications again #might try to do an lsat in september or something ig #gommywords

[ff2-soda-pop]

can my mom please stop telling me that everythings gonna be fine when theres a very very high likelihood that it absolutely will not be fine

#this is. literally the worst thing that i think has ever happened to me directly in my entire life. #and like my mom has. a plan. a singular plan. and when i asked her what we'd do if it didnt work she just said 'well then we're in trouble' #yet is also still like 'nope everything will be fine stop worrying <3' like-???? #also idc if maybe everything will possibly be fine Later. its not fine right now and im scared. nothing is okay right now!!! #stop telling me that it is!!! #also she was like 'dont worry about it' and im like. firstly How. How do i not worry. #secondly... we both know im not capable of not worrying. it is literally what i am best at. you are asking for the impossible #especially in a situation like this one #anyways uh. i refuse to name whats specifically going on because it feels Too Serious and also it gets too much into real life stuff for me #to feel entirely comfortable but like. this is all ive ever known i dont want it to be ripped away. i really dont think anyone else really #*gets* it. and i dont know ANYONE that i can talk to and i feel so alone and scared and i dont know if i can deal with this #everythings been getting so overwhelming and so Much and my mental health honestly hasnt been so great and this is like the nightmare-ish #horrid cherry on top of the sundae thats somehow already collapsing and on fire #literally this is like. possibly one of my worst fears and now its just Real and Happening and its terrifying and i hate everything #...anyways. apologies for this. #im... probably not gonna talk about this anymore here because i kinda want to not do that. this feels a bit Too personal life and stuff for #me to entirely feel comfortable getting into too much on here. but also my blog is kinda the one space i feel like i can vent and scream #into the Void and stuff and literally i need to dump some of the Thoughts because otherwise its all in my head and thats. not helping #vent