#anyways posting this now cause it's sunday where I live already :p | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

svtxsoju · 4 years

Text

01. crush that hangover! | dear miss soju

ღ Synopsis: College is hard. Love is even harder. Good thing the students of Mansae University can write in to Miss Soju, the campus’ very own romance advice columnist! The only problem is she’s never been in a relationship. Ever. There’s no telling what kind of chaos she may cause in the love lives of several of MU’s most eligible bachelors. Too bad no one knows who she really is! ღ Characters/Pairings: college AU! Seventeen & OC’s, Pairings TBA! ღ Genre: Romantic Comedy, Slice of Life ღ Warning(s): Mentions of alcohol, underage drinking, mentions of sex, language, bad jokes ღ Word Count: 5.0k words ღ Binu’s Note: ever stare at a selfie so long that it looks weird? ya that’s this chapter for me. there were just so many elements that i wanted to get right, but i kept changing things and now i can’t look at it anymore :c i’ll properly proofread it later, but for now enjoy!! i have some other content ima post later so i’m p excited for that hehehe anyway ya happy friday!!!

《 ⊛ Author’s Note & Credits ⊛ Disclaimer ⊛ Masterlist ⊛ 》

《 Previous ⊛ Next 》

Monday, September 2, 2019 9:05AM

This was not how Joohyun had imagined her first day at The Front. Whenever she described this moment to Jihoon, she was very clear about the way she would walk in so confidently that the senior writers would wonder why they forgot to email her an invite to their 8:30 meeting. Jihoon, who relished in raining on her parade, predicted that they wouldn’t even know her name. But she had no time for his blunt realism, because she had been living as a made-up person since June and her corporate daydreams were the only things keeping her sane. She knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but she figured that once they saw her talent, everything would be just fine.

So it’s not difficult to imagine Joohyun’s distress when she just barely stumbled into the office this morning, nursing a mind-melting hangover.

She should have known she would be a goner when the sports section interns had challenged her to a drinking game at last night’s welcome party. Her drinking partner, a small girl interning at HR, had only made it two shots in before falling asleep on her lap. For the record, she had still made sure that she was the last intern standing (although she definitely wasn’t the same bright-eyed freshman that could chug a pitcher of soju and beer just to spite Jihoon). Looking around the office, she felt a little relieved to find that the other interns were suffering just as much as her, if their slumped positions and pained groans told her anything. So much for giving a good first impression.

Joohyun was trying her best not to look like she was two steps from an early grave when she was approached by a big woman with a laptop in her arms. She awkwardly bowed her head to greet her, but the woman’s gaze never left the screen of her Macbook. “Miss… Joonyoung?”

“Oh, that’s not--”

“You’re the new advice column intern, correct?”

“Oh. Yes, that’s me, but that’s not my--”

“I’ll show you to your desk.” Without so much as a glance, the woman turned on her heel, now typing furiously on her laptop. Joohyun followed behind glumly.

This was all Jihoon’s fault.

“So, how’s your first day going?” Jihoon asked over his bowl of ramen. He flagged down the tall waiter and ordered a bowl of rice.

“Fine,” was Joohyun’s curt answer. In truth, it was far from ideal. She had watched longingly as all the other interns were assigned with their first projects, while she was left with an empty inbox. How was she supposed to write an advice column when there was no one asking her for advice? She spent most of the morning familiarizing herself with the previous entries of The Front’s dating advice column, the most recent of which dated to the newspaper’s May issue… from 1997.

When her supervisor told her to take a lunch break, she had made a beeline to meet Jihoon at the restaurant near the cafe he worked at. Now that she was sitting in front of him though, she wasn’t quite ready to confess that her dream job was much more mundane than she expected. “Hey, wasn’t this a fried chicken shop last semester?”

“That bad, huh?” Jihoon clicked his tongue. Joohyun sighed - she didn’t know why she even tried to hide anything from him when he’s known her for 12 years. He probably knew some parts of her better than she did. “Come on Joo, don’t give up on Miss Soju so easily. It’s just because you’re a little hungover. We watched The Notebook like five times this summer! What more do you need to know about true love? Do you want me to set you up on another date with that freakishly tall dude for more hands-on experience? Ah, speak of the devil!”

“Thanks, Mingyu.” Joohyun took the bowl of rice and gave the server a sweet smile, which greatly contrasted with the glare she shot at Jihoon soon after. The server, a stunning boy with jet-black hair and tanned skin, stuck his tongue out at Jihoon. She waited until Mingyu went to the other side of the restaurant to serve a rowdy group of boys to whisper-shout at Jihoon. “Can you try not to expose my identity to the whole campus before I even get the chance to write my first ever entry?”

“Ohhh, that’s why you’re sulking. No one’s sent you a letter yet so you didn’t get to do anything today,” Jihoon said. It sometimes got annoying how he could read her like she was his worn-out copy of his favorite sports manga. She had to admit though, he did find ways to make it worth it. Like when he said, “I might actually be able to help you with that one, if you want. I can make a little shout out for Miss Soju on my stream tonight. For a small price, of course.”

“You’re streaming tonight?” The girl perked up from poking at her noodles. Over the past three years, Jihoon had built up a cult following through Woozi’s Universe, a Twitch stream where he shared music made by the underground artists on campus (including him). He only ever released new music on Mondays, so tonight would definitely have a large viewership. Joohyun immediately went into her business pose lest she show how eager she really was. “Well, what would you like in exchange, Mr. Lee?”

“I merely request that you pay for my lunch today, Ms. So,” he replied. Joohyun looked in horror at Jihoon, a petite man who ate like he was three boys going through puberty; today alone he had had an extra-large bowl of ramen, three orders of rice, and two cans of Coke.

Then, she imagined facing an empty inbox for the rest of the week. Yup, this was definitely worth it. That didn’t stop her from making a show of taking out her wallet, taking care to sigh extra loudly. She had to give Jihoon his moment to revel in his triumphs, otherwise he would get grumpy.

Jihoon cackled giddily. “Pleasure doing business with you as always, Ms. So.”

“Pretty sure my hangover is coming back.”

“Oh shit, shut up!” Jihoon suddenly yelped and ducked underneath the table.

“What the hell, Jih--”

“No, don’t say my name! He might hear you and then I’ll have to talk to him,” Jihoon whispered, jerking his head towards a bright yellow blur skipping to the back of the restaurant. “He’s one of my fans. He found out I worked at the cafe and now he keeps coming in to talk to about how sad his sex life is.”

Joohyun pursed her lips and peeked a glance over. He had joined the table of rowdy boys. “Hmm, maybe I should say hi... he seems like a potential Miss Soju reader.”

“Just pay the check already, woman!”

The new interns at The Front were not the only students sporting hangovers that day. This can only be expected of the second week back at MU. Sunday night had been the explosive finale of a full week of department welcome parties, happy reunions, and lots and lots of alcohol. Some of the incoming freshmen were convinced that Mansae University was not actually a school, but a training ground for surviving as many shots of soju as physically possible. That is until they woke up on Monday morning and still had to drag themselves to their 9AM’s, suddenly faced with the reality of what college really was: an endless cycle of perpetual hangovers and school work that’s due way too soon.

This was all good news for the new ramen shop on campus, which had been serving the hoards of hungover zombies since 10AM. Vernon, who was in great pain from the night before, had been ambushed by his roommate after his morning class. He was brought to the restaurant under the pretense of curing his woes with a bowl of warm soup and noodles. When he caught sight of a man in red waiting for them at a back table though, he immediately knew what was actually coming.

“Hello Vernonnie,” Seungcheol greeted him with a sly smile. “Care to take a seat next to me?”

“Uh, not really,” Vernon mumbled, but he sat down anyway. He scrunched his nose at his roommate as the boy slumped into the seat in front of him. “Traitor.”

“Sorry babe, Seungcheol hyung promised me free lunch. Also, you’re one to talk, after you abandoned me to fend for myself last night--! Ugh,” his roommate, Seungkwan, clutched at his head, where a rusty hammer persistently tapped away at his temple. “Hyung, why did you do this to me? My face is gonna be bloated for the rest of the week. I have an audition in two days, you know!”

“Hey, I did ask you if you were sure you wanted-- what was that you ordered? Oh yeah-- ‘the strongest drink that is legal to serve in South Korea’!” Seungcheol said, his eyes wide. As he got more defensive, he began to point his finger excessively at Seungkwan. “And what was it all for? To impress your new crush?”

“I am way too hungover to get lectured by a couple of hypocrites,” Seungkwan grumbled. “I was trying to get some inspiration, you know, a drunken spark of genius! How else am I supposed to figure out how to confess to them?”

“Okay, I wasn’t actually asking,” Seungcheol ignored Seungkwan’s offended gasp in favor of turning his attention to a fidgeting Vernon. His cherry red lips now returned to its wide grin. “I am here to discuss where our dearest Vernon went off to last night.”

“Um.” Vernon answered with a nervous smile. “I just went home early--”

“Bullshit!” Seungkwan looked absolutely scandalized. “It wasn’t enough to abandon me, so now you’re lying too? I don’t know if I can take much more of this!”

Vernon had only officially known Seungkwan for two whole weeks, but with the way the two had been inseparable since move-in day, everyone at the freshmen dorms had assumed that they had known each other for years and years. He knew that someone like Boo Seungkwan was a rare find as far as random dorm assignments went, and that not everyone was so lucky to have a roommate that reminds them to eat real food once in a while or a friend who’s willing to take care of them when they get their first real hangover. Just for that day alone, Vernon knew that Seungkwan deserved to know where he went. Plus he shared a room with him, so it’s not like he could hide anything anyway.

Seungcheol shook his head and slung an arm around Vernon’s shoulder. His grip wasn’t tight but firm enough that Vernon knew he was trapped there until he confessed the truth. “Look, I don’t need any details! I just wanted to make sure that you’re staying safe and all that junk. Also, I would like to know what base you got to.” He erupted into a fit of giggles, but soon cleared his throat to return to his investigation. “Really though, tell us what happened.”

It wasn’t like Vernon didn’t want to tell Seungcheol either. Vernon’s and Seungcheol’s families had known each other since the two boys were in middle and high school, and when he found out that Seungcheol would be a senior at Mansae University that year, he felt some of his nerves ease up about moving out. Seungcheol had always been like an older brother to him, and was always there when he needed his help in high school. He trusted him!

That’s probably why he subconsciously blamed Seungcheol for the pain he was going through at the moment. When the upperclassman had offered to sneak Vernon and Seungkwan into a party at the karaoke bar that he bartended at, the two freshmen all too eagerly accepted without thinking of any consequences. They had received no pointers, no words of caution. How were they supposed to know that bar parties were completely different from welcome dinners? And how was Seungkwan supposed to know that downing so many cocktails within the hour wasn’t a good idea? Most importantly, how was Vernon supposed to know that he would meet someone like her there? Vernon groaned into his hands as he could no longer resist the flood of memories from the night before, and leaned into Seungcheol’s shoulder as he tried to recoil from his past self. “Hyung, it hurts too much to say out loud.”

“It’s okay buddy, take your time,” Seungcheol patted his head gently and called the tall server over. Vernon continued to let out unintelligible noises of regret while the senior ordered bowls for all three of them. “How are you even hungover right now? I only remember giving you one drink last night before you went off with--”

“I’m not hungover.”

“Oh. Then what are you?”

“An idiot,” Vernon mumbled through his fingers. “A big, cringy idiot.”

Seungkwan raised his hand, looking frantically between the two boys. “Excuse me? Did I miss the reading homework? Went off with who? Last night? What? How drunk was I?!”

“Very drunk, but that’s not why you didn’t notice Vernon’s new friend. You were a little occupied with your own conquest,” Seungcheol stage-whispered from across the table. “Honestly, you two are wild. It’s only two weeks into fall semester and you’re already out here simping.”

“Um, and? I saw you making googly eyes at several ladies last night!” The higher Seungkwan’s voice rose, the harder the rusty hammer banged inside his head. “Ow.”

“Those were just my friends who happened to be ladies! Sorry that my eyes are just naturally soft and alluring,” Seungcheol said, batting his long, dark lashes at the boy. “What were her eyes like, Vernon? I only noticed that she had a nose ring. Couldn’t really see her properly while you two were ‘talking’ in the corner...”

“The corner! A nose ring!” Seungkwan repeated and clutched at his chest. “Tell me more.”

“We were just talking!” Vernon finally spoke, his face stuck in an embarrassed grimace. “There’s not really much more to tell. I just know that she’s the coolest girl I’ve ever met and I’ll never meet anyone like her again.”

“What! You two were talking for like two hours! And I saw you leaving with her!” Seungcheol said a little too loudly for Vernon’s liking. The server gingerly approached their table with their orders, setting the bowls down as quickly as possible before rushing away. Vernon noted to give him a big tip when they left. “Don’t tell us that’s all.”

“I just dropped her off at her apartment and went back to the dorms,” Vernon confirmed to Seungcheol’s horror. “I really didn’t want it to be just last night.”

“So... you asked her out?”

“No.”

“You got her number?”

“No.”

“Her Instagram? Her Twitter? Her student ID number? Do you even know her name?”

“I already said I was an idiot,” Vernon whined. “This is exactly why I didn’t want to talk about it. But yes, I did at least get her name.”

It was the only thing he could think of since he woke up. She was the only thing he could think of since he woke up. The way her eyes had lit up while they talked about her major. The way her lips had curved into a clever smile when she told a joke. The way her small hand had fit in his as they walked to her apartment. Then, he would remember how he completely fucked it all up before he started, and his headache would return full-force.

“Dude.” Seungcheol fixed him with a stern stare, but it was kind of hard to take him seriously when his mouth was full of noodles. “Have you never asked a girl out before?”

“You know I have! I don’t know what happened either, okay? I guess I just froze up when she looked at me… then I just went home after telling her good night.”

Seungcheol feigned a gag. “Gross. I was joking earlier, but you’re an actual simp. Hate to break it to you like this.”

“I think it’s sweet,” Seungkwan piped up from where he comfortably rested his head on the table.

“That’s nice, Seungkwan, but ‘sweet’ isn’t gonna get either of you laid,” Seungcheol chuckled. “Vernon, your girl was clearly waiting for you to make the next move. Trust me, girls don’t just ask anyone to walk them home.”

“I didn’t want to look like a creep!” Vernon sullenly stared down at his untouched bowl of noodles. “What am I supposed to do now, hyung?”

“Yeah, lend us your wisdom, O Alluring One,” Seungkwan chanted. “You clearly have plenty of experience from the past three years.

“Like I said, I just have a lot of friends,” Seungcheol shrugged, then suddenly checked the time on his phone. “Oh shit-- speaking of friends, I have to meet one for a study session at her apartment in 15 minutes.”

“Sounds nasty.”

“Your mom’s nasty,” Seungcheol retorted with a provocative smile. “Get your mind out of the gutter, Boo! Then maybe you’d be able to think of how to confess.”

“Uncalled for!”

He placed several bills on the table and checked his phone again. “This should be enough to cover lunch, kiddos. I wish I could help you two, but I’m booked for the rest of the day. And the week.”

“But what if I meet her again?” Vernon asked desperately.

“Then text me! I might not reply right away though. I’ve got two classes later and then I have dinner plans--”

“Another girl I presume--”

“Shut up! I also have to go to the gym before doing… uh, doing a thing. And then I have a shift at 24H.” Seungcheol stood up and looked at the distressed boys before him, his soft eyes more affectionate than alluring. Was he like this as a freshman? He reached over to ruffle the freshmans' heads. “You two should probably leave soon, too. I’ll see y’all later!”

And just like that, Seungcheol was gone, and Vernon was once again left without any advice from the senior. Vernon was never one for dramatics, but his personal failures felt like a gray cloud of shame hanging over him. He began to worry that he was just gonna have to live like this forever, because nothing in the world was bright enough to break through his doom and gloom (well, her smile probably could, but Vernon was never going to see that again). The fact that Seungkwan seemed like he was about to Train to Busan his ass any minute now didn’t really lift his spirits either.

Lucky for him, the universe was not going to let him give up so easily. At that moment, a boy with glaringly yellow hair and a heavy camera on his shoulder bursted through the entrance. His smile brightened when he spotted the two boys in the back and he didn’t hesitate to bound towards them, skipping right past the server welcoming him in. “Seungkwan! I knew I’d find you here.”

“Dearest Vernon, it seems we have been joined by the lovely Soonyoung hyung. Perhaps he might know the medicine we require to ease our ailments in love,” Seungkwan suddenly stood up, all signs of his hangover expertly hidden. He smiled directly into the camera lens. “Hyung, would you kindly share your wisdom with us lowly freshmen? Pray tell, how does one woo the object of their affection?”

Vernon, who was well-acquainted with Seungkwan’s antics by then, watched on in silent amusement. If anything could distract him from his internal turmoil for a moment, it was Seungkwan; even if he was just spewing nonsense. What really made him crack up though, was the way Soonyoung (that was his name, right?) was clearly trying very hard to suppress his giggles. “Um,” Soonyoung managed to cut in breathlessly. “You know I’m not rolling, right? Also, I didn’t understand any of the words that just left your mouth, but it definitely felt like you were putting some sort of ancient curse on me. Hi, I’m Soonyoung by the way!”

Vernon introduced himself and shook Soonyoung’s hand. Seungkwan could only sigh in exasperation at Soonyoung’s lack of culture (not that he was surprised of course). The boy apparently thought it was a good fashion choice to leave his apartment wearing a tiger print button-up. “I was asking if you could help us out with confessing to our crushes,” Seungkwan said with a roll of his eyes.

“Ohh, that’s what you said!” Soonyoung laughed until he was keeled over, clutching his stomach. Vernon and Seungkwan could only watch him with great expectation. When the boy finally caught his breath and wiped the sweat from his brow, he gave the boys a very serious look. “Yeah, I haven’t gotten any since January. So you should probably ask someone else.”

This also did not surprise Seungkwan.

“Excuse me?” The tall server approached them again, clearly giving them his best ‘I hate working in retail’ smile. “If y’all are done eating, could you please leave? You’re disturbing the other customers.”

“I’m eating, I’m eating!” Soonyoung smiled until his cheeks reached his eyes, a power move that he saves for occasions where he found himself in trouble, which happened more often than he’d care to admit. Once the server let them be, muttering something about not getting paid enough, Soonyoung turned his killing smile onto the two boys. “Can I have some of this? I can Venmo y’all later, I’m pretty broke right now.”

Vernon pushed his uneaten ramen towards Soonyoung, who looked at him as if he was the sun itself. The boy carefully set down his film camera and immediately began slurping away. Vernon nodded his head towards the contraption and asked why he was carrying it around.

“Oh, I rented it before coming to find Seungkwan. I’m thinking about making him the subject of my film project this semester, since the theater program is pretty buzzed that he’s joining this year!” Soonyoung patted the camera affectionately.

“‘Thinking about?’ I thought I was your final choice!” Seungkwan blurted. The ramen he had for lunch seemed to have finally restored some of his strength, because he no longer clutched at his temple when his voice rose.

“I said ‘most likely’ choice! I just want to keep my options open,” Soonyoung responded with great care. He didn’t want to hurt Seungkwan’s feelings, but he was definitely re-evaluating alternate subjects at the moment. “It’s only the second week!”

“This is why you’re single,” the theater major said in a huff. “Lack of commitment!”

“Hey! I am perfectly capable of commitment. It’s the girls that don’t want to commit, ” Soonyoung said in a small voice, and looked off into the distance wistfully. “I really hope Woozi does put out a new song tonight. Maybe he’ll tweet something soon.”

“Woozi? Who’s that?” Vernon asked. At this point, he was just looking for anything that would fend off his memories, which lingered at the edges of his mind and waited for moments of silence to bring him another fresh glass of cringe. He was pretty sure that he had experienced well above the recommended daily serving.

“Oh, he’s a Twitch streamer from MU! I was actually gonna say if you two are really struggling in the love department, you should definitely check out his stream tonight.” Soonyoung nearly wiggled with enthusiasm. “He usually promotes songs from artists around the area, but his self-composed songs are my personal favorites. They’ve been what’s getting me through this dry spell, honestly.”

“Oh, that sounds pretty cool.” It sounded like it was right up Vernon’s alley, actually.

Soonyoung nodded. “You listen to them and you just feel hopeful to find the kind of love he sings about. I’ll send you the link later!”

“Underground artists? No thanks, I think I’ll stick to Eva Noblezada,” Seungkwan scoffed. “I don’t really think a stranger can help me with my problems. They don’t even know me.”

“Oh come on, Kwan. Let’s just give it a shot!”

Even after all his grumbling, Seungkwan still sat beside Vernon at one of the desks in their dorm later that night. They had opened the link Soonyoung had sent them, and munched on some snacks while they waited for the stream to start up. Vernon waited with baited breath for his distraction to begin; he had spent most of the day attempting to wall off any thoughts of her or last night, but it was kind of difficult to think of anything else when all of his professors only droned on and on about quizzes and homework.

When a boy with fair skin and burgundy hair came into frame, he nearly sighed in relief. The streamer appeared to be sitting in a small, dark office only illuminated by his computer screen and several pink neon signs that hung on the walls. Vernon could recognize the faint outlines of several guitars and a keyboard behind him. The boy clicked around for a while as more people joined the stream before finally waving into the camera.

“Hi guys, welcome in! Thanks for joining Woozi’s Universe. If you’re new here, I’m Woozi and I like to write songs sometimes. If you’re an old subscriber, I’m really sorry for the long wait. I’ve been working on a lot of projects, doing some collabs - I’ll actually be releasing one of those collabs tonight and I’m really excited for you guys to hear it. If you have any new songs you want to listen to together, go ahead and leave them in the chat!”

As soon as the stream started flowing, Vernon immediately knew why Soonyoung gave Woozi such rave reviews. The guy just had good vibes and he definitely knew his music. Vernon was hooked. Even Seungkwan, try as he might to look disinterested, couldn’t help bopping his head occasionally.

“Thanks for the subscription @chweinggum! You just helped me reach my tenth new sub for tonight, and you guys know what that means. Time for the new song! It was really fun to write this with my collaborator, so we really hope you like it!”

After spending the past hour just vibing in Woozi’s Universe, discovering new songs and artists, Vernon had really hyped himself up to hear the streamer’s personal work. If Soonyoung’s words were true, this would be the song that would truly heal his heartache, the song that would push him to forget about the whole ordeal. He listened in anticipation as pleasant harmonies played through his laptop speakers. But as the song progressed, Vernon did not quite feel the reprieve he was hoping for. In fact, he was kind of taken aback. The lyrics… felt like they told his story. Maybe not word for word, but enough to make Vernon stare at the laptop screen with his mouth open. What kind of hocus pocus, That’s So Raven, mind reading shit was this? The song broke down the walls he had tried to build throughout the day and left him vulnerable to its strangely upbeat and energetic tune.

He had to admit that he didn’t hate it. The cringe from his own actions did not disappear, but the song helped him focus more on the moments that made his heart flutter, the moments that incited those pesky butterflies in his stomach. They were the moments that made him so hard on himself in the first place and the reasons why it hurt so much that he messed up. She had made him feel seen. She had done everything right. And all he wanted to do was to show her that he saw her too. He just had to figure out how.

Woozi clapped his hands loudly when the song came to an end, bringing Vernon out of his deep reverie. “And that was Pretty U by yours truly! I collaborated on it with an artist who doesn’t want to be named as of now, so I’ll just say it was great to work with such a talented person and I hope to work with them again soon! Anyway, we know the lyrics are pretty cheesy, but let’s just say it’s based on a juvenile romance! I tried capturing that giddy feeling of liking someone and wanting to tell them pretty words but losing confidence at the last second. I’m sure we’ve all been there before.”

Vernon sat up, nodding his head as if Woozi could see him. After his song scanned his soul like that, Vernon figured it wasn’t impossible.

“I know that some of my subscribers listen to me because they go through these kinds of hardships. But I wanted to say that my songs can’t fix everything. Even I go through it sometimes and I need someone to lean on. There’s actually a new thing I just found out about from a friend - ‘Dear Miss Soju’. It’s a column that they’re gonna start publishing on The Front’s website, and you can anonymously write in all your burning questions about love, relationships, or sex. So if you’re having a hard time confessing like in this song, just know that there’s someone out there to help you out!

“Since you’ll be anonymous, you can write about your heart’s deepest desires, even if it’s a little freaky. Yes, I’m talking to you, user @callmesoon, please stop trying to tell me about your sex life. Anyway, I’ll put the email in the description for anyone that’s interested!” Woozi paused to laugh at several of the comments. “No guys, The Front does not sponsor me. But I can tell you about a company that does sponsor me. Hello Fresh--”

Seungkwan closed the laptop and sighed. “Well, that didn’t help me at all. Soonyoung hyung said this Woozi guy was gonna make me feel better, but now he’s just telling us to spilll all our secrets to some other stranger. What a scam! Right, Vernon? Vernon?”

By the time Seungkwan turned to look at his friend, Vernon was already writing his second draft for his email. The boy sighed again. Maybe he could give it a shot.

The next morning, Joohyun opened up her laptop to find thirteen emails in her inbox. She smiled.

Now she could get to work.

32 notes · View notes

lilshaiworld · 4 years

Text

April 30th, 2020

Good morning wonderful world!

Ok, let’s be real, not that great of a morning but it was reasonable to say the least. I woke up around 8:30 a.m. in the morning, to the sun blazing through the window. Lovely way to wake up? I’m not quite sure yet, lol, but it did wake me up.

I started my day pretty much like most other days by waking up, getting dressed into my pjs ( I know, so comfy :3), and calling my Daddy to let Him know that I was up. ( I’ll probably discuss who He is at a later time, so just be patient :P) I think I had overslept last night cause my back hurt a bit.

Anyway! After I had done that I went for a little walk outside, to wake up some more. It was pretty warm already, dispite it being so early in the morning, but I do have to say it was windy out. I walked around the whole building where I live to get a little exercise before going back inside. I figured walking around a bit would loosen up my back and it did, so I was able to finish cleaning up my room and making my bed.

Once I had finished doing that Daddy was up and ready to watch some WWE Wrestling, so I got my TV ready to do that. I can’t believe we are so close to WrestleMania 2010! We really have been flying through so much of it lately. I think we were able to start NXT today too, or maybe that was yesterday. I don’t remember anymore but it’s okay. I still think Bautista and Chris Jericho are my favorites at the moment, even though they are bad guys right now.

While I was watching the first episode of the day, I decided to color a picture. It took me over a hour to do but I think that it turned out really good :3

I know, totally Frozen-ated! but I do love Frozen hehe. It makes me remember being in Canada back in November and watching Frozen 2 in the theater. Eek! I miss being there! Oh well, hopefully soon I can go back :D (once this Covid-19 meanie butt virus go away D: )

After I had finished coloring, it was almost noon, so I put my stuff away and got some lunch. I had a roast beef sandwich with cheese, tomato, and a little lettuce. Yum! I also had some sour cream and onion Ritz Chips too. Double Yum! Don’t worry, I totally cleaned up after I was all done eating :3

Throughout the afternoon, I didn’t really do too much apart from look for random badges on IMVU (which is basically a online chatting/game thingy. I did however take a new picture of my avatar when I was on there and rearranged my badges.

I would say that my avatar does look a lot like me, well as close as it can get. I do love that outfit though! Pink! -giggles-

I found a lot of badges I liked too, some that I could get for free and others that I just put on my wishlist to hopefully get or get gifted to me at a later time, for people who want to gift them to me.

I ended up taking a nap in the late afternoon for a bit because I started not feeling well. For some reason my stomach has been pretty weird lately. I think it’s cause I’ve been eating differently then what I have been the past month. So hopefully after a little bit it’ll settle down and not be so funky. I hope anyway :P

I got woke up by my boss calling me around 10p.m. asking me if I wanted to work tonight, to which I told him it was up to him. He originally told me Friday, Saturday, and Sunday only due to us barely having any business due to the Covid-19 outbreak going on, but of course he likes to change that on me at the last minute. After a few minutes of going back and forth about it, he told me just to come in Friday to Sunday again.

I choose to get up after that and found out I couldn’t get into my email for cause it ended up needing a phone number to verify I was me and not some bot, I think, but I don’t have a normal phone number, I have one of them internet phone numbers -to save money- so it wouldn’t let me. I ended up having to switch over all my stuff to a old email address, which is fine, whatever, lol.

Now I’m back to watching WWE Wrestling again with Daddy. I think we’ll get to WrestleMania 2010 before I go back to bed. Only got two more to go (NXT and Smackdown), then probably Hall of Fame and WrestleMania tomorrow before I go to work :3

I’m hoping that I’ll be able to sleep some more tonight. I know my sleep is all messed up, though I’m trying to sort it out. Forever a work in progress. Anyway, I think I’ll end this post there. I don’t really know what else I’ll be doing yet tonight but I’ll see. Can always edit this later if I decide to do more!

2 notes · View notes

autoirishlitdiscourses · 4 years

Text

Discourse of Tuesday, 08 September 2020

Well done on this you connected it effectively to do effectively in your paper even if you get a low C in the sequence twice; changed bleached potato-stalks; and also correlated strongly with how they relate to the individual phrases in your delivery was sensitive to the section up for the final, a good student! Well done. Let me know if you go out of your introduction: what do you analyze your points, that there is a clever rhetorical move that the hard things to say, I think it's very likely that you'll run out of lecture on the exam, and gender are related. Section of the island. You had a B-for the quarter, though I don't think there are currently being discussed; so Mary may be able to find a room. Hello, colleagues! Discussion Section Guidelines handout. As I said last night, and you should spend at least some effort looking at their level of deviousness, intelligence, or very very very good work here, though there was more lecture-oriented than discussion-oriented than it already does. I graded. Well done on this you connected it effectively to larger-scale details of your plans appears to have a perceptive observation about the specifics of the text s with which you sometimes it's necessary to complete the test. Here's what everyone is able to make it by adding. I can point people when looking at. Recitation:, W. Just a reminder that I count the entire thing; perusing the index might pay off in my office during office hours I hope your girlfriend's dental work went well and is entirely understandable, but will post your recitation that departs from the selection in the paper itself. Doubtless the library either has a strong delivery. You will also have noticed this, since I'm going to be sympathetic toward the Nugents there are places where you need to think critically about your topic needs more attention to the phrase and the enormity of the ideas you had an excellent job of balancing the competing necessities to provide additional information you are interested in the second half of The Butcher Boy.

Again, well done overall. I suppose. I think that this is a pleasure having you in section I was wondering whether we'll be having section during Thanksgiving week has been a fun class to engage critically with reliable historical sources would pay off. Exactly. What I'd encourage you to be aware that you should be cognizant of what handicaps they may live? Discussion: Well done on this you connected it effectively to larger concerns of the next thing what does it mean to extend the Irish Republic issued by the Office of Judicial Affairs that does not conform to the text imagines its reader, but rather that you find helpful, and during my office hours at all I myself tend to think specifically about this. As promised in the symbolism of the midterm; c divorce is essentially impossible in Ireland at the same degree that you need to be spending time thinking about it from a difficult way to move towards a final selection for what is difficult, and to avoid departing until afterwards, even if the group enjoyed it. I'll most likely cause is that your plans by 10 a. Ultimately, what you wanted to follow up with an unnamed nationalist called only the citizen. What have I emphasized enough that I set the bar for anyone to assume that you don't have a good conversational move might be photos of the two tendencies in Irish: English translation: The Search for the quarter he had to happen is for most of your paper should be more beneficial to both phenomena, integrating your various texts in more detail. I think you overlooked people in, so I wouldn't have thought out that you took. And your writing is quite lucid and compelling, and we will have to worry about not having a different version of your interest, and perhaps then to have a backup plan in case of emergency, please. I think, but I'm also happy to hear, but just that your recitation in section this information allows them to ask about these, if you're talking about the Lestrygonians episode would have needed to make sure it doesn't cause me to let it motivate other people to go over twelve, I think that your discussion outline, but I'm sending this tonight because I think that a female role model, or if I recall correctly: once during the first time, to gain access to educational services, regardless of the paper in such a good idea in a different direction. Your thinking about it, then do come to section I was too harsh on some important issues and weaves them gracefully without losing the momentum of your own larger-scale course concerns and did a very small number of formatting and grammatical problems here—and you've written, which would have gotten this to make your own responses, OK?

ID #8 was The significance of ID #8 was The significance of ID #8 was The significance of the more likely he is currently better developed and more specifically. Pick a few students with whom I will do when you're in front of the stack anyway. Mooney. Again, I think that there's a chance to be about.

I'll hold you to push your paper topic and has a clear argumentative thread, and everything looks good to me/. You might look specifically at Bottle and Fishes; Clarinet and Bottle of Rum on a date, then there are some ways. You should quote from the paper as Beckett-focused, and coming up with a worn pick, OK? And what kind of plans for the final. If you want to go is also doing a very graceful sense of what handicaps they may set you up for discussion by email: Yes, there may be that your texts; it sounds like you already sent it quite a D for the recitation half of The Butcher Boy song on p. I think that that's quite comprehensive. You've both been very successful paper here, I think that your recitation plans by 10 a. Perhaps an interesting passage and gave what was overall an excellent delivery, and in section, but it's your job to engage other students were engaged and engaging, and to motivate the discussion keep going past ten minutes if it works for the compliments, and only being able to right; that we have seen here would be for you. Or am I now I? Think, too. You handled your material very effectively to larger themes remember that we do have one extensive monologue from someone who provides you with 94. Is Calculated in Excruciating Detail. Should I announce it to move forward and make sure that you're all scheduled for the text. And comes to find something that gets beaten into shape this is not a three-syllable metrical foot, accented-unaccented. The sound effects were also flexible and adaptable in terms of which is a mid-century, and to interrogate your historical sources with a grade by Friday, I can assess your recitation comes, make selections that allow people to discuss specific questions about this in your thesis what kind of love best qualifies as the source you're using it. I were at home or on campus at all about this in your thesis statement, but that a cynical and dangerous rhetoric has co-opted a historical document and audiovisual component. You picked a selection of an A in the romance meta-narrative arc, and it showed. The University of California does not include your bonus for attending section on the section website: Pre-1971 British and Irish literature in English department mail room South Hall 3421 as soon as possible. Although there's no overlap in terms of the text than to worry about whether it's a wonderful break, and I will not happen at this point. Did our conversation after section last week. Just let me know if Tuesday will work for you to leave your luggage to section or lecture, or at least one of the song recordings I posted to the course's large-ish A-for the quarter, and b an explicit statement about how you'll effectively fill time and managed to earn participation points. Shift p. This is based on whether or not. Let me try again.

To do for herself, or about a specific topic and take a look at the idols of the bird as intermediary between this world, on the midterm exam have been balanced a bit to warm up more abstract and general phrasing to which your UMail addresses are forwarded are rejecting messages. It's just that you have missed for purposes of this poem than I had better news for you. Because the only student who was genuinely responsive to early questions didn't get any positive feedback and I'll see you in section this quarter, you can point the other, and, all of which is vitally important to the stage, your deadline for you—I've marked some places.

You might productively cue off of his job, and/or 3. Lust generally involves invoking one or two specific parts of the text s, but because it would be to do so, in relation to your analysis needs to frame itself explicitly as could be a good job here. You were nimble on your paper is worth the same day as another person, and your presence in front of the room. At the same source. There has never met. I think that It was a nice plan here. This document has not scheduled to recite, and gave a thoughtful, perceptive, gracefully written essay here. Choose either of these would be a productive exercise I myself tend to read The Butcher Boy, you'd just need to reschedule—they will be to try to force yourself to dig in deeper and/or need to refer to your paper as a whole and contextualizing the novel very closely. She knew at once.

You've put it another way to know exactly what this paper to be careful to avoid sending my students for review purposes. You might also get you your grade by 4 p. Thanks for all students during the week preceding the section, but you're doing all right with this by dropping back into lecture mode if people don't immediately jump to where you'd like. I would avoid making a specific point, but also identifying the sources of the spreadsheet, because people who attend section all ten weeks this quarter: U2's Sunday Bloody Sunday. I think that finding ways to do is check GOLD for other section is cuing off of the Discussion Section Guidelines handout. Can you confirm she was excellent. Do you have an excellent reader, it will help your grade by Friday. —, Ulysses is a clever rhetorical move, and didn't support your effort to say that there are places where I wanted to meet me. Wikipedia article on Giorgione's/Sleeping Venus/, because the opportunity to see the world is ultimately up to the historical and cultural context of the play in this way, it feels like it passes differently when you're on to point your students, and perhaps by doing a very small number of fingers to let me know if you let me know what times you're free and we'll work something out that many people wanted to be as successful as it's written, I Had a Future. But you really have done something that is easy to forget when you're in front of the poem, and I really appreciate, by the beginning of next week, in part because it's so centrally concerned with Irish nationalism, I think that it is probably unnecessary, because I don't know that you've got a very very close reading exercise of your recitation tonight. Thanks. If you glance over at me periodically, I think that you make meaningful contributions in a flirtatious correspondence with a copy of your underlying assumptions. It took the midterm. On Raglan Road 6 p.

Another small note: the professor to ensure that you will quite likely to be taken as Irish are more relaxed and have it by 5 p. However, please come to section on 27 November On Samuel Beckett's Waiting for Godot/has been fun to have in class with respect. I'll take a more explicit invitations would have paid off a lot of ways that you pick up the appropriate number of things very well-selected material to think in the assignment write-up, if you study and think about delivery; you adapted to the exam is tomorrow at 10 p. However, one or more implicit assertions to support it.

643, and think about what is the case and I quite liked a lot of ways that multiple texts, writing an A on an analysis. You should read the assigned poems by Yeats assigned for each one. Any significant deviation from the play, that's fine provided that no one else in your case, I'd rather they did on the day that your score on the final and with the process of elimination is often accomplished associatively rather than simply being in front of the starling but I have also helped to have practiced a bit more carefully to be clear to you, and I think your plan to recite because I think that bringing one of Ulysses opened to the pound, but I also understand that it's taken me so long to get out of 500 total points for attending even if you really have done a solid job here. I have to make productive suggestions. So you can come up with something you like and are able to find that the professor topic is potentially profitable analytical path that you will have to drop a photocopy of that first draft I often do, because asking people whether they agree with you to reschedule, and next week. I think, but this is to think more specifically, you have a backup plan in case it's hard to get people to discuss the grade I gave for all of these is that eventually you'll want to discuss in only small ways, and you've remained fair to each other you give a recitation for 27 November discussion of your discussion, of course, in turn, based on your paper is often accomplished associatively rather than proving points by demolishing counterarguments, is holding a midterm to get people to discuss specific questions that are not allowed to run into two related problems. I'll be awake for a quarter.

Of course I'll still take it off at ten minutes with it, then let me know if you make in this, I think that you are nervous about possibly having accidentally leaked confidential information, but all in all other ways in which you are actually going and how that ties into the story as an undergraduate were in Chris's, since I don't fully know myself the professor is behind a bit more would have liked generally lost points for section attendance, not to say and interacted with the selection. All of which I think that this may be one of two categories. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon there are probably mandated by the time that you'll do a substantial portion of the audio or visual component of your discussion questions if they do. The Stare's Nest to the logical and narrative structure of the Aran Islands no photos, though as I said, were everywhere but operated independently and no one else does feeling.

Ultimately, I think that articulating your criteria in this matter and wanted to follow your analysis, not to shoot for ten minutes to complete a COMMA specialization, graduating seniors who need to do. You picked a very good work here, but consists of disconnected observations or other types of problems at different scales, and will use these two.

I think it will probably drag you up to your analysis, even though it would be to make progress toward graduation that satisfies the requirements out from hanging out her washing; changed done to set up in front of a videographer, though. Ultimately, why do we evaluate what Gertie wants and how would his readers have understood these attitudes when the hmm, he just shrugged instead of making a cognitive leap. Having to seek emergency medical treatment twice is a hard skill to develop a larger-scale details of the text in question and arguing a specific topic with sufficient depth or specificity. 9 or higher on the significance of this offer no one talking but you already know: you need to have wandered rather sometimes far afield from your own writing and polished work. All of these various types and weave them into a strongly motivated demonstration of relevance specific questions you want to go; it's just that you originally selected. Grammatical and usage errors, if you'd like. His Wife, and might be photos of the title and copyright pages because there's a complex task and fall into the A range for the English-language writer from Coleridge's time forward. /Truly unavoidable/, please feel free to fill out your own ideas. And you are, but I did to so I know my handwriting is hard-nosed about such things as you have the opportunity for you to talk. I think you're moving too quickly to pay more attention to micro-level interpretations of the text in question generally or always plays by the end of the show is that your paper. If you want to take so long to get an add code for that because the justice system has its hands tied by a group is, or make large-ish rooms available, that asking questions of gradually increasing abstraction. Alternately, you have nowhere to store your luggage to section I should prioritize crashers? Late papers are assigned based on your writing is also a nice touch, too, that there are a few spots open, so overall they haven't started it yet, but that it takes. Change to attendance policy: the paper assignment include a copy on the final! I'm glad you thought of it, and they also show that you're doing this. One option would be the most significant and depending on to something quite productive, because there are variations between individual Irishmen and-voice arrangement of the two or three blank ones but seem to have happen is that it looks like the Synge vocabulary quiz. I currently have a set of questions and letting the class and kicked the topic's rear end. Let me know ASAP remember that your citation page distinguish this. As it is your responsibility to ensure that you have to do so would be to spend more time will result in no section credit; missing more than once before, say, there may not have started reading McCabe yet if they're cuing off of his relationship with each other. You are absolutely capable of this as the major possibilities, you did a very good close reading of Yeats's September 1913, which I scribble notes about things forever, and what you're going nor do I necessarily agree with you will almost certainly a useful skill, too, about what I'm expecting it's a beautiful little gems throughout the novel.

This is a high bar for A papers. I'm wrong about how much you can make reading suggestions if you count days from a topic that's personally interesting and possibly very productive, because that will help your grade is calculated and I will take as long as to allow for a moment, points assigned for each one. Give us a touch, Poldy. Midterm review. Overall, I felt occasionally that the Churchill speech is also constantly thinking in his own thoughts on this. Etc. There were some retractions and pauses for recall and some people may get more than three sections, you still manage to engage critically with reliable historical sources with a judgment, and what does old Sull do; changed hell to heaven to hell; changed for to cause in for you. Thanks for the exam, is Molly in Ulysses and their relationship, but you really have done some very good plan going into the text.

I just finished grading the final. If you need me to refine your topic is potentially a very graceful job of engaging the class this quarter, I recall correctly, a fraction between zero and one days late 10 _3-length paper. You had said that was explained to the end of your skull with the final, you did warm up, but really, though, that was fair to ask why love seems so often to be wrong, but none of your choice related to each other with more concrete questions might have heard about. I'll see you next week: you had a chance to do it by then. Papers, Seventh Edition; there are several All in all other races?

You have a 91. I liked it. This may very well done! You did a good student this quarter, then you may hit that number this quarter, so it would have to pick out the issues involved in thinking about how Joyce portrays the sexual content of his lecture pace rather than an analysis of a great deal more during quarters when students aren't doing a number of students who'd been disengaged really took the midterm!

I will give him an F, having managed to introduce a large number of students—or if Gertie is generally not only keeps us on task, as I said in the position of protector from the second line of discussion and helped to make this offer to anyone else is planning substantial areas of your paper's structure often causes your very rare moments of suboptimal expression are rather nebulous. 5:00 and 12:00 section. To-morrow the hour of the more recent versions at all. Does that help? To be more impassioned delivery of the more likely it would be found online at or, if they could stand?

#Irish literature #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Python #Markov chains

0 notes

jess-oh · 7 years

Text

Reflection

So, there’s a lot to unpack.

I’ve been starting to put this off again but I do really want to get back into it. I’ve been doing some thinking lately.

First and foremost, I want to get my life in order! I’ve started looking into apartments and how I would decorate it and what theme I’d want. As of right now, I’m into that minimalistic look. I’d want a white and teal theme. I’ve already noticed just how much I gravitate toward that soft, mint color...It’s so pleasing to the eye. I just found out that it’s called “tame teal.” Now I finally have a definitive answer for that “favorite color” question! I knew it wasn’t Tiffany blue because that’s too bright. I like that more pastel, unsaturated look. Anyway, I bought an instant camera that just arrived today as well as looked into vinyls for my future record player! And I really want to get back into working out so I started researching sports bras. I have a goal and I’m making my way towards it and I’m feeling good about myself. I also started investing more time into the dishes and being proactive. I filtered through 222 scholarships on Collegeboard yesterday and today and organized them by deadline. I got this.

But let’s talk about my personal bizz.

And look, I know this is a really messed up mindset...but this is my mindset: I know that I’m still struggling with my self esteem and until i can really feel comfortable in my own skin and have the confidence to stand up for myself, i don't think i can live in California bc I don’t think i'll be able to handle that constant criticism from my fam and just have that constant fear that im being judged by people at Sa-Rang but my mom came into my room earlier today and gave a quick vent about how she just paid ~2k this month for my tuition and i couldn’t help but think if it's hard to pay for tuition now when i had a decent amount of financial aid, how is it going to be in the future when i have less aid? But i can’t come back to cali. not yet.

I started taking my scholarship search more seriously because she told me that. And I’ve been slacking on giving 60% of my paycheck to my loans but I think I need to get back into that. I can spend money on record players and whatnot in the future. But I need to pay my loans of ASAP or else the interest will build and by then, I’ll have no hope of ever paying it off. I need scholarship money so that I can still go to Columbia. I really like it but honestly, the main reason I stay is because I have to. I need to learn to grow on my own and be with myself and mature at my own pace. I can’t do that when I’m constantly fighting my family out here. I tried to for so long and in the end, it made me really unhappy. It drove me to the point of depression and self harm and I don’t want to feel that helpless again. I’m just doing my best to make ends meet right now. And I love my job and school and my work and I try really hard. I got 6 As and 1 B. That counts for something, right?

Right?

Sigh. I don’t know. These vents are nice. I should really do them more often instead of just running away from my problems. They help relieve a lot of stress and let me see more clearly.

I was really nervous about going to church yesterday but in the end, everything worked out okay. I also sprinted out of service the moment in ended to avoid feeling rejected and any awkward interactions....but it still turned out okay. People were surprised and happy to see me and I’m happy that I saw them too. I felt a little bad because during prayer before service, all the attention went to Miriam instead of me. But I understand. She did just get engaged and that’s a huge deal. c: To be honest, I had a lot of anxiety and fear prior to entering. Even before opening the doors into the service room, I quietly reassured myself and tried to expect the circumstances. Even during prayer, something struck a chord within me. I couldn’t help but think of my family. One of the prayer topics was about broken families and that stuck with me. I do have a broken family. I recently found out that my parents’ marriage hasn’t been doing that great again and it honestly hurts me to see them in pain. I wish they would just get a divorce and go their own separate ways. Is that bad? To want them to get a divorce? But their personalities are so different and I think it’s just more harm then help at this point. I just want them to be happy. And they aren’t when they’re together. God, I don’t know what your plan is for them but please, take my mom out of her misery. It breaks my heart to see her struggle and feel that she has to bear the burden.

During the sermon, P. Billy preached about Joseph. By the way, the whole time, I couldn’t help but get distracted. I don’t know why. I did want to focus and I knew what was coming. “Trust.” It’s all about trust. And I have such a hard time with that. Y’know, I probably couldn’t concentrate because I didn’t want to face the truth. How unlike me. What happened?

But yeah, “trust.” Man. I thought I got better at it and I think I did for a while but while out in Chicago, I felt the need to put up this false strong exterior once more and just rely on myself and not on others. I had to in order to survive. And there’s still no one in my life currently that I feel I can just freely open up to. Maybe to Jeanne or Andrew but there’s a part of me that feels bad. For Jeanne, I feel like I’m always the one that talks and she just listens. And I want to be here for her too. I do really want to help her with her problems and not just overwhelm her with mine. And for Andrew, it’s starting to feel like a job more than us caring for each other. Our conversations are so awkward now. We don’t know how to talk anymore.

I’ll never forget when he said he’d always be here for me when I was freaking out at the beginning of the year though. That meant so much to me. I cried.

But back to “trust.” Trust. I have trust issues. I always have and I might always will. Trust in myself, in others, in God even. I feel like I don’t have anyone again and honestly, it’s been really hard to fend for myself. I don’t know anyone. I just feel

l o s t .

During his sermon, I couldn’t help but realize where my trust issues come from. It’s from my childhood and how I was raised. But most importantly, it all leads back to that one night at the beach. The night I’ll never forget. That I never can forget. And I know it wasn’t their fault. They didn’t mean to leave me. It was just because I was so quiet. But that night changed my life forever and I’ll never be the same. I still remember. I thought it was my fault. I thought I wasn’t good enough and I didn’t know what I did wrong. That night, my self esteem took a sharp blow and I’ve never fully recovered. Maybe I really do need a therapist...I want to get over this but I can’t tell this story without crying. Every. Time. From that night on, I vowed to be louder. And it was hard and I struggled and I still do but I want my voice to be heard. I need it to be heard. So that that doesn’t happen again.

The reason I always reach out to those kinda awkward and quiet isn’t because I feel bad for them. It’s because I am them. I’ve been there and I know what it’s like and I just want to be there for them. Because when I didn’t have anyone, I felt alone. And I don’t want anyone else to feel the way I did. I need to know that no one else is suffering the fate that I did.

Dear God,

I don’t know how you plan to use me but please, I need your guidance. And I know it ultimately all comes down to me just really being able to trust you. And I’ve done it before and I loved it when you were the center of my life because everything made sense and I could always rest assured that everything would work out. And it did. But now I’m not so sure. A lot has happened since then and as much as I want to trust you, I don’t know if I can. I’m too scared. What if you’re not real? What if this fails? What if this. What if that. There are so many questions swirling around in my mind that are causing me to doubt you. And I don’t want that. I know that you are real. I know that we have met. I know that you saved me. I know. I know that in my mind and my heart but I still can’t help but become consumed by all my flaws and faults and mistakes and how I’m worse than other people and constantly comparing myself to others. And I don’t want to. Honestly, I don’t. It just makes me feel bad. But I still do. I’m my own worst enemy. I’m in my own way. And I don’t know how to get over that. As much as I want to.

God, I just pray. I really hope and pray. That I can find my way back to you. I don’t feel accepted enough to post in my church group anymore. Any of them. But I do need help and prayer and guidance and I don’t know who I can trust. P. Billy? Maybe? He seems to be the most understanding. I love his preaching style. He’s so funny and yet so blunt. He speaks the truth and is clothed in confidence from the Lord. And I really admire that about him. More than anyone else in my life, I look up to him the most.

Dear God,

I pray for guidance and healing. Please. You spoke to me on Sunday and I knew it was coming. I want to reread my sermon notes tomorrow and I really hope that I do. I’m not sure if I will but I really hope that I do. I want to review and see how you really spoke to me.

Thank you, God.

And I pray this all in your name.

Amen

#reflection

0 notes