#audacity to get mad because i hadnt made any food for myself or for anyone else yet

[ouchhq]

venting :-) sorry

#sh tw !! #i am so tired of my mother #last time i saw my therapist i talked about how she drives me insane but still i feel so guilty for getting mad at her because i know she #has issues and literally can not reason but i get so frustrated and exhausted #she took like 9 days off of work to ‘take care of me’ (her words) after my surgery and i didnt ask her to do one thing all these days excep #help me make food and come up with stuff for me to eat bc of my diet rn and thats all #she has been doing her thing all these days like literally just sleeping on the couch and going out with her friends and going shopping and #only made me food herself once (1) in over a week #and i didnt say anything bc i know i cant say anything to her if i dont want to get her to start screaming but today i couldnt take it #i was painting all morning because i am extremely stressed and anxious to make a fucking portfolio to find some work and idk what they thin #i do in my room all day probably sleep but i dont !! im up until 1:30 am working every day even now despite having just had my jaw cut into #pieces and stitched back together #and she went out to the post office for me for a second and then spent the rest of the morning shopping and came back at 12 and had the #audacity to get mad because i hadnt made any food for myself or for anyone else yet #when i literally called her just minutes before to ask her instructions on how to prepare a certain soup for myself and she told me to wait #because she was gonna do it instead #like ??????? #and when i told her i had been busy working all morning and that the whole point of her being home from work was that she said she was gonn #make stuff for me she started screaming like an insane person that i was accusing her and it wasnt fair and i was mean and rude and that sh #does EVERYTHING for me and im ungrateful #and when i say my stomach sinks to the floor every time i hear her yelling #it is ingrained into my brain #i have nightmares about her tantrums and her yelling #im so tired #and it always ends with me getting the urge to hurt myself and i want to cry but i cant because my face hurts when i cry and i am not #allowed to blow my nose bc of my surgery so im just here. swallowing all of this once again