Tumgik
#bc its hard to b excited abt things when there's a hole in your chest and ur desperate for someone to tell u how to fix it. but idk helping
opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months
Text
...
#i spend so mad god damn time bitching on this website. its bc i dont talk to ppl. whens the last time i had a non functional conversation?#uuuuhhh last weekend or maybe the weekend before that? so like i gotta complain somewhere. so if i stop complaining u can assume i made#friends lmao. ugh. its just. im worried. im worried abt how this semester is gonna go. how this phd program is gonna go#bc i spent the last 2 years destroying myself. realized ive gotta stop doing that. haven't figured out how to stop and now im gonna triple#the amount of pressure im under while trying to do things in a more healthy way. its just like. it objectively doesnt seem like a formula#for good things to happen. im more worried for how catastrophic its gonna b on my brain than i am abt the things i think most ppl would b#concerned abt. like im not worried abt planning and executing a project or teaching beyond fear of the unknown#its like. ive done these things before. theyre difficult but u make due and tackle the problems. but when it comes to: how to maintain a#healthy school/life balance? i dont even kno where to start with that. i just dont bc when u have a learning disability things just take#more time but like how much time is too much? where does it end? i dont kno how to manage it and i dont wanna hate my project by the end#of this. i want to b excited and not paralyzed bc im afraid i cant change my behavior and its gonna kill me#and im worried bc im meeting with my advisor for the 1st time since march before i agreed to join thr lab and have i prepared for this#project which is almost complete unrelated to what i did in my last lab? no bc ive been managing data and im still not done managing data#bc i cant focus bc i collected that data in a way that was actively self destructive. and i mean i kno itll b fine. thr guy seems nice i#just hate that im showing up devoid of enthusiasm bc its all been drowned out by the fear. and thats also gonna make teaching a problem#bc its hard to b excited abt things when there's a hole in your chest and ur desperate for someone to tell u how to fix it. but idk helping#ppl does usually make me feel better so maybe itll b a good thing. forgot how much i feel like im dying when i sit in meetings and#classroom tho lol. god its been 2yrs since i was a student. classes feel like such bullshit now. and yet if i dont get all As i might die#my students better b good. i have the 1st lab section bc thr lead ta couldnt do that time. so im the trial lab and i start fucking Monday#who tf does labs the 1st week of class? ugh. also its an intro bio so like 2/3 of thr class r freshman. lil bby 18yos and some r non bio#majors. and ive been warned that sometimes there r problems with ppl who don't believe in evolution and cause problems. pls let my classes#b good. im not that worried. its just gonna b annoying as fuck. im not good at being authoritative#ugh. i should b reading papers so i dont look like too much of an idiot tomorrow. itll b fine im just an anxious freak. a lil over a week#until i can try to find a therapist. probably seek medication bc i dont kno how else to stop this bullshit. annoying. i grew up with a dad#who gets anxious abt the idea of taking too much medication when he tskes a single ibuprofen. in this household we feel pain and then we#die miserable. this is all his fault. we have the same brain.im just a lil more irradidic than him#its so funny i say that bc im like the least irradic person ever. i do the same things every god damn day. im just irradic in terms of#sometimes i feel like my brain is on fire and im a cry bby lol#whatever. enough bitching. ive got papers to read. or maybe ill just go to bed and read them tomorrow 🙄#unrelated
7 notes · View notes
Note
Luke/Tori for the ship ask please?
thanks for being so patient! i got carried away and then stuck bc i got carried away lol and i’ve also just been busy bc grad school lmao ;_;
here it is finally! under a cut as per my yuzh
who hogs the duvet
luke, bc he’s just a cold human being. lol not like in his heart or soul, but his body runs colder than most, so he’s chilled like all the time
if he’s not acting like an octopus, he’s hogging the duvet. tori doesn’t mind a whole bunch, since she runs warm (thanks apollo), but sometimes, on really cold nights (heating is so expensive and if they can keep it off, they will), it’s v annoying so she’ll forcefully pull the duvet back, which forces luke to turn into an octopus
who texts/rings to check how their day is going
i’d say tori is. she worries a lot abt luke, esp bc he can kinda hole up inside his mind when he’s having a tough time
those little text alert noises and rings are actually quite comforting for luke. he appreciate them a lot, which he’d never say out loud, but he doesn’t need to since they can read each other pretty well
who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts
you might be surprised, but luke actually is. it comes from his creativity for pranks
who gets up first in the morning
tori does! thanks apollo, but only during the summer lmao
it’s super bad in the summer too, bc the days are longer and it gets light around 4 or 5 in the morning lol
but tori generally gets up with the sun (thanks apollo), so during the winter she gets up later than in the summer and luke is generally up before her
who suggests new things in bed
i mean, honestly both of them do!
tori does more often, but luke will if it’s been a long day, and an even longer night bc either/or both of them can’t sleep bc of nightmares or what have you
wait, i’m just realizing this might be a sexual question??? lmao, i read it like one of those philosophical talks you have with your best friend at sleepovers at 3am (same energy anyway)
well, if it is a sexual question (i’m honestly not sure, my ace brain is seriously just That ace), i would say neither of them, honestly
like they’ve been through so much in their lives. role-play doesn’t do it for them. tori hates being held down/restrained, and they’ve both incurred enough injuries from monsters for a lifetime so bdsm is also out
they’re also both tops, so that complicates things sometimes, but “““““vanilla””””” sex is fine for them
who cries at movies
lol tori does. no question.
who gives unprompted massages
luke, for sure. and tori loves it
but tori will sometimes do so if she sees luke’s stressed and tense
who fusses over the other when they’re sick
totes luke, he turns in to like a mother hen (but don’t tell him i told you that) and worries over tori whenever she gets sick
obvi tori takes care of luke when he’s sick, but luke’s the one to really go those extra 500 miles
who gets jealous easiest
lmao, can’t choose on that one bc both of them get supremely jealous
it doesn’t help that luke is bi and tori is biromantic, so anyone is technically fair game and they’re both very good-looking ppl
who has the most embarrassing taste in music
tori! she’s a hopeless romantic, and so like all those cheesy, gooey love songs and will listen to them all day every day
and i mean i wouldn’t strictly classify that as “embarrassing” per se, but that’s the best answer i have for ya
who collects something unusual
hmmm, luke.
you could argue most things are “unusual” to collect, but luke collects journals filled with entries. like he fell out of it after thalia, and then that whole thing happened with kronos lol, but after that (this is the everybody lives!au if you couldn’t tell) he picks it back up again
so he just has stacks of journals, all filled, many from tori–its therapeutic and he finds it’s something he actually quite enjoys. in the quiet of his shared bedroom with tori, of course
who takes the longest to get ready
not really either of them. i mean, i guess tori just bc if she wants to do something with her hair, it takes longer
but tori doesn’t wear a lot of makeup to begin with, and just as well she doesn’t have to try That hard to look nice (thanks apollo)
luke is already good-looking, and even tho he doesn’t have any divine blessing, he doesn’t have to do a lot to look good either
who is the most tidy and organised
luke, he hates clutter
he can’t think, and it only reminds him of the crowded hermes cabin
who gets most excited about the holidays
tori, bc she’s making up for all she missed out in childhood
luke indulges her bc he’s secretly making up for all he missed out in childhood, but he often doesn’t like expressing he’s excited for the holidays, except for quietly when he’s in the privacy of his and tori’s apt. he doesn’t mind showing tori how much he’s enjoying himself
who is the big spoon/little spoon
they switch constantly
tori loves being the little spoon, but so does luke. even if tori is kinda tiny lol
when it’s cold at night and luke is hogging the blankets but tori is still warm enough, but her nose gets cold, she’ll roll over and press her nose into luke’s back to share what little warmth he can give her. he’ll often reach back for her arm and she’ll put it around him, lacing her fingers with his, letting her hand rest against his chest, where his heart is
more often then not tho, tori is the little spoon bc luke has turned into an octopus seeking warmth at night
who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports
like the jealousy thing, they both do
you don’t want them on opposite sides
likewise, you don’t want them together, bc they’ll pulverize you
so it’s really lose-lose either way
who starts the most arguments
oh man, i mean i guess both of them
they’re both worried abt each other’s safety, so that’s mostly what they argue abt
tori probably starts them a little more often, if only bc luke often jumps in front of her when they’re in danger just out instinct and before tori can jump in front of him, which annoys her
not just bc she can take care of herself, but also bc luke does so with reckless abandon and she doesn’t like that he could potentially be wounded/hurt/killed bc he was protecting her
who suggests that they buy a pet
tori, but only bc they were passing a pet shop one day and she noticed luke’s eyes lingering on one of the kittens inside that had taken a liking to luke
it was december, so v cold. and they were on their way back to their apt when they passed a pet shop
and as they’re passing, one of the kittens leaps up and paws at the window, following the couple as they continue pass
this catches luke’s attention, and he finds the little kitten’s persistence endearing as they walk past
the kitten’s also meowing, but obvi they can’t hear it. luke can see it tho bc its little mouth keeps moving
even tho luke insists it’s okay if they don’t get the kitten, tori drags him inside anyway and they go to the pen, and the little kitten is waiting for them on the other side
it’s a calico and it’s not until they’re inside that they notice this little kitten’s eye is injured on its right side (bc of glare from the window outside)
luke is only able to stare, too in shock to really move or think, but tori picks up the mewling ball of fluff and coos at it. then she holds it out for luke to take. and he’s hesitant at first, bc its so small and fragile, but tori gently coaxes it into his arms. and he rests it on his shoulder and it falls asleep, the precious bby
luke panics at that, though, bc he doesn’t know what to do lol. tori is not help, she just laughs and smiles at him
one of the workers goes over to them then and says that injured animals are always tough to sell, so tori, of course, immediately says they’ll buy this kitten
anyway, her official name is jiji, but her nickname is kitty bc that’s what luke referred to her as when they first brought her home and it kinda stuck.
what couple traditions they have
idk if this qualifies as a “tradition” per se, but, since we’re in the everyone lives!au, this is also the au where luke surprises tori with a song for her b-day one yr
and so after that their “i love you” turns into, “did i mention?”
after long days/after a monster attack while they’re out trying to be normal, and after they’ve cleaned up and are relaxing in bed, they’ll softly sing duets together (since luke can sing now lol; also from linked post). but tori’s still trying to get luke to sing a duet with her in public, to no avail so far
i’ve mentioned before that they like to shower together (again it’s not ever sexual), it’s more meditative and still v much intimate
again, not exactly a tradition, but sometimes if tori’s having trouble sleeping/it’s a particularly bad night regarding nightmares, luke will softly sing to her (most of the time, “did i mention” bc he knows how happy it makes her)
valentines day is a BIG thing. and it feels so cliche for me to say, but tori LOVES that holiday and luke would do anything for that woman. so he’ll do as much cheesy, romantic stuff as he can and that he’s gleaned from movies (and like actually romantic stuff, not the White™ version of romance where the man stalks/forces the woman’s hand)
i mean most of the big holidays–valentines, halloween, christmas and new yrs are p big things in the williams-castellan household
most of the time, they spend it alone together (lol if that makes sense) like the week or day before, they’ll go out with friends and what family they have left lmao i made myself sad ;_; but on the day of, they’ll spend it together in the comfort of their apt bc going out is too overwhelming for both of them
every sunday, they’ll bake together and every monday, they’ll make a meal together. it helps them enjoy the end of their weekend and the beginning of a new work-week more, being able to spend that time together and looking forward to it at the end of those dreaded mondays
what tv shows they watch together
adult cartoons like bob’s burgers, rick & morty, and futurama
episodic comedies like parks & rec, the office, b99, and scrubs
they’ll sometimes chance it with crime procedurals and the like, but if the show gets too heavy, they’ll stop and not really go back bc they’ve dealt with enough
same goes for sci-fi/fantasy shows (tho they chance these even less bc they deal with enough mythology shit just being demigods)
what other couple they hang out with
they’ll sometimes hang out with like percy and annabeth (and maybe the other couples from the seven JASON IS STILL ALIVE I SAID EVERYONE LIVES!AU + nico and will, etc.), but it’s more in a mentor kind of way, since luke and tori are so much older than all of them. they’re good to go to for advice abt relationships, and also life in general
i like to think they are able to make friends with couples their age through places like the waystation that are hidden throughout the mortal world, but they’re wary abt new ppl bc they’ve had so many bad experiences, just in general (not necessarily with ppl)
so if you do manage to become a friend and they ask you to go on a double date with them with your partner, it’s ride or die for them (and it better be mutual)
how they spend time together as a couple
quiet nights in, mundane date nights out–anything a normal couple would do bc they’ve been through enough already, they don’t need more excitement/trauma
that, of course, doesn’t stop monsters from attacking them when they go out. but after a battle, they’ll go home, clean up, and cuddle on the bed with lofi music playing in the background and scented candles lit around the room
who made the first move
tori did regarding their private confirmation of being in a relationship since she’s demi, and she’d told luke so. he didn’t want to push her into anything she was uncomfortable with, esp if her feelings stayed platonic/friendly, so he let her take the reins
luke did regarding their public confirmation of being in a relationship when he asked her to the fireworks show
who brings flowers home
luke does bc he knows tori likes it when he does romantic things she’s seen in movies
who is the best cook
neither really, since they didn’t exactly grow up in traditional homes
but a few years after the war and of living together, tori decides to take classes on mexican cuisine to reconnect a little more with her roots and her mom. luke joins her, obvi, bc he cares and love her duh
tori’s the better cook tho; luke likes to bake
thanks again for being patient! as it always is, i enjoyed writing abt my loves
FEED ME SEYMOUR
5 notes · View notes