#bc the universe and god hate me

[why-the-heck-not]

I know the point is to figure out your research question with the help of ur thesis supervisor, but my ”I’ll figure this out myself”-gene is an almighty force. I want to disappear for 4 months and come back with a ready-made thesis

#I hate going to ppl like ’’so I’m not fully sure’’ I want to have 100% set & thought out answers to everything and like uhhh #it’s honestly not good #like I haven’t asked for help not once during my university studies bc of it and like good god could I have gotten things done way better #and quicker if I did #it just stresses me out way more than trying to figure shit out myself does #but this whole process is supposed to be like ’’go talk to ur instructor!!!! a lot !’’ and I don’t like that #ba thesis struggle diary #january 2024 #2024

[menlove]

"anti feminine bias" "femmephobia" just say sexism and/or misogyny I'm gonna start hollering and hooting we cannot be afraid of the words sexism and misogyny just bc some morons use them to be transphobic/transmisogynistic. sexism and misogyny are not words that are going to bite you. you can say them.

#the thing about this is that #femininity is not universally oppressed and masculinity is not universally praised #and all u need to understand that is to ask a butch dyke abt their life experience my god #or literally any trans man #like!!! obviously hatred of everything feminine is A Part of misogyny and sexism of course it is #but it does not need a special name that implies that it is the Root of why men hate women bc it really is not #it is a Symptom of men hating women but it is not The Cause #bc trust me I've never been feminine a day in my life and yet somehow miraculously I've experienced sexism #yall make me tired

[rosalesbeausderholle]

Don't know how to do the whole living under capitalism thing anymore sorry...

#liveblogging my life #i feel such an idiot for having such a hard time coping #bc like if i get fired I'll be fine #my parents have two apartments under their names #i will never ever be on the risk of homelessness #and likely not starving either #so like I don't have to have two jobs to make ends meet or whatever #I don't have children to take care of #abd yet this is killing me #post university life is killing me #before even with work i had like a purpose goals #now I'm not even doing anything i care about #I'm just wasting my life so that a company earns more money #under a boss who hates me bc he thinks I slack off (i don't!!!) #but I don't have time for myself #nor motivation to pursue any personal projects #and i end up too tired from work to do anything else #at all #not to mention how hard living with my girlfriend is #like i love her to death but god the constant socialization #it's exhausting #i want to have my room back! #I want to have any sense of control or direction as to how my life is going #and I don't have it anymore #my life is over #it's just work until retirement #no living in different places anymore #no more excitement #just... routine

[cyber444angel]

sometimes i think about the type of media i was into from 2017 to like mid 2020 & i genuinely want to throw up

#& it’s not even like ‘noooo cringe past me’ type shit #bc i also found out about gunnm at the time which is still one of the main universes i go to #also i still love stuff that i loved when i was like 9 (aka. hunchback of notre dame) so yea #but jesus christ what the fuck was i on otherwise #at least i had the mental capacity to stop watching game of thrones 2 episodes into season 8 #like wow congratulations u realized that hate watching stuff is a complete waste of time!! cool!!! #but ig sorry 2 scott pilgrim & half of the dc universe i can’t fuckin stand this shit at this point #((partially sparing teen titans here bc they actually had some good concepts in the show)) #& alien was actually always the best movie in the series & if u say ‘WELL ACTUALLY ALIENS IS OBJECTIVELY BETTER🤓’ #ok????? go & suck james cameron’s dick some more or sth fuck off!???? #((like most 80s action movies r so cringe to me like shut the fuck up predator is genuinely ass & there’s not a single enjoyable moment)) #+ marvel was always mid & i don’t understand how i manipulated my brain into liking any of the shit they made #also not even gonna talk about music here oh my god dude

[pepprs]

i fucking HATE social media that is not this website i want to explode my phone forever

#purrs #there are also reasons i hate this website but not NEARLY as much. i am actively experiencing unbearable psychic torture. my god. #delete later #no bc it is so clear that……. like tfw you try to claim what you are but you can’t bring yourself to fully do it and anyway no one even #agrees with you except for the one person whose opinion is the most relevant to the situation but even still….. i want to lie in the street. #girl who is too a founder except for all the overwhelming evidence that she is not which is reaffirmed by the universe every day. lawl <3 #like it’s that meme of the guy with the paper bag like i don’t know what i expected. that’s me right now except im taking damage. #like cringeeeeee i shouldn’t have done anything 🚶🏻‍♀️💔

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#just an observation bc im avoiding working on stuff but i draw a lot and post basically everything i draw thst gets finished #and its v funny to me how u can tell how out of focus i was based on the quality of the drawing #or like when i post something and its like ok some of that was good but u def gave up halfway thru one of those lol #inconsistency i funny like that. its also funny to me that now a days i get comments like COLORS!!! #which is funny bc i notoriously haaaaaate coloring. like i will sit around whining and complaining when im home with my parents bc i dont #wanna color. its just so easy to fuck things up when u draw traditionally and it takes a million years so its a big ask lol #but i guess i dont hate is so much right now bc i kinda just slap whatever colors i want together like fuck it we ball #and thats kinda fun. reckless i suppose #its agony when u wanna try to do shadows and lights tho. like finding references ugh #or wanting to draw big ideas but then its like oh god its gonna take so long and if i dont do it all in one sitting i might die #im a lil better abt thst now bc it would b impossible but in my head i still hate it #ugh. all i wanna do is draw. theres another universe where i went to art school. or just like took art classes. and i wanna say id b happier #but thats def a lie XD i like learning too much and i dont have the attention span to hardcore learn genetics outside an academic #environment. and i got way too excited abt exploring the genetic traits of my cyano species #like i can make genetics trees for traits and look for. fuck. i forgot the word. how tf did i forget the word. oh god. horizontal gene #transfer. jesus christ its like theres a hole in my brain. well. i guess i did get only like 4hrs sleep. ugh im rambling. #i need to finish getting ready for Monday so i dont have to tomorrow and ill have time to draw. prob wont stop me feeling nauseous abt #teaching tho. OH FUCK. i just remembered i have a new office space now to decorate. fuck i need to hang up pictures and stuff #what would b the funniest way to put narut0 on my deskspace? idk ill have to think abt it. oh god im not ready #my head is like a handbell. one of the big ones when u ring it and it hits soft and u can feel the vibrations. someones wrung my head lol #unrelated

[immamapletreekid]

work anxiety starting before work itself hahahahaahahahahahahhhaha

#IM BAKCIJ THE FUCKIGN BUIDLIGN .AGAIN. AUSUSUXHEHWHGLHKF #im grateful i have an internship for this summer with the way the job market is like currently. #im grateful that i have the opportunity to lessen the burden on my parents shoulders. im grateful that this job can pay rent and groceries #and tuition for a few terms im grateful i get to gain experience while still in school that will hekp me in the future #IM GRATEFUL FOR ALL THIS!!!!! BUT STILL I FUCLING HATE EVERYTHJGN #i hate being unable to eat anything ir sleep at night bc all i can think about is shit i have work tomorrow i have to email this guy and #finish these tasks and impress my manager and be approachable and enthusiastic and eager to learn and not make any mistakes #and not fail anything bc im getting graded on this its alwags grades its always the fucking grades #isnt it. it was the grades that had me crying on walks home from school when i was 9 and it was grades that made me waste away 9th grade #it was grades that made me unable to stomach anything during weeks with tests and it was and is still grades that #dictate every single fucking part of my life #and even tho the ppl who used to yell at me for getting a B in math in 5th grade are no longer yelling at me for getting 60s in linear algeb #ra and stats and calculus and cs #haha.ha when ur university is famous for its.. horribly high suicdie rates #i find that the yelling comes from me now. ive replaced the adults who would sit beside me at the dinner table #yelling bc yea guess what 8 year old me didnt understand division at first #god i hate this school so much. i hate what im studying im gratefula nd am so privileged to be ahle to further my educarion and receive #all these experiences mot everyone can have but god everytime i return to the city where the school is #i feel like throwing up and sobbing and just never ipening my eyes again #haha yea. i hope i csn get a job to support myself in the future #i hope i can still have time for hobbies #why si everyone at school so good at everything #ive met more people who have passed their rcm 10 and arct exams for piano than those who havent #i have classes with people who have already published research papers with professors in the states #my classmates can breeze through a cs assignment while still playing fir varisty teams. working out everyday. goijg ti parties. #eating and cooking balsnced meals each week. having a social life..the whole combo #meanwhile i get overwhelmed because i have to respond to an email and finish an assignment in one day #how do i become like them #why was this about work anxiety at first and why is it about the eternal imposter syndrome and lack of self confidence #i just want money man... i dont give a shit about snything anymore

[gunkbaby]

I tweeted like 100 times today and have like 20 drafts like girl why

#That last one looks so bad wait #The full tweet was me saying that my issue was with doll companies sacrificing style for the sake of inclusive body types #Why did it cut me off like that #Idk where i was going with the that’s oomf i just thought it’d be funny if he said that #Me hating on David for no reason #He’s too popular it triggers my fight or flight #Twitter drafts are lame like why tf do i have to copy my tweet bc the editing system doesn’t work. Get fucked melon #My twitter #<- gods notes #Also can we talk about how the ‘united front’ sounds like a racist organisation like ishida wtf #Made kaneki the head of the England first of this universe wtf

[luvsavos]

should i start posting abt my ocs' lore n stuff......

#mar.txt #i haven't yet bc im SO scared of getting like. witchhunted bc i count some noncanon stuff as canon for my ocs universe #[side eyes at the monster hunter fandom] #monhun fandom Scares Me bc of how insanely aggressive/hostile some ppl get if you even BREATHE in the direction of the equal dragon weapon， #ancient civilizations or dragon wars concepts #which i rlly like a lot and count as canon for my ocs #i also take the tale of the five as an actual creation myth and have ocs for those dragons #but ive seen ppl get really hostile about anybody taking that as an actual creation myth either #also i eventually get Really canon divergent by bringing in a crossover with another of my ocs that's a god of chaos #he plays an Important Role in things #but i'm scared of getting flamed for that too :( #i just want to live laugh love with my ocs in peace and i LOVE talking abt them #but if i were to get hate for my stuff i would crumple like a wet napkin</3

[vaugarde]

havent read tbc but i think its so funny how shadowsight seems to be popular to the people i follow just because “the narrative treats him like all the female characters do so hes an honorary girlie”

#and by ''how the narrative treats him'' they mean badly ofc bc apparently everything is blamed on him repeatedly #w no one realizing that he was manipulated and the narrative being retconned just to say hes actually a screwup who was never good #and everything genuinely is his fault bc why else would he listen to an evil cat in starclan #like. damn that really is something theyd do to a female protagonist #also the only ppl ive seen hating on him do it for boring and stupid reasons so im inclined to like him out of spite #bc ''he has an ILLEGAL name in this universe. hes a TIGERDOVE kid. hes a FANFICTION made REAL'' ok well hes the most interesting one. so. #not like anything he actually does in the narrative it seems. plus the other two protags sound boring as hell #''oh im sad i couldnt get w the boy i like. now i love another guy but its forbidden. oh and my leaders possessed ig.'' #''SIGH i wish people didnt compare me to my cringe OUTSIDER dad. also i see ghosts and i hate this its cringe'' #''also my sister is a legacy name after an important character from the previous arc but who cares'' #and then shadowsight is like ''since i was an infant i had excruiciating seizures and visions. i threw myself into a river as a sacrifice #i am suicidal. i got manipulated by an evil man into possessing my great uncle. everyone outwardly wants me dead for it #everyone blames all of their problems on me and expects a lot from me. i got demoted for it. my only support is my close family #and even then they have to suffer the extreme guilt of not being able to help me with literally anything #also the antagonist wants my mom dead for my own existence. i have lost so much #i am literally blamed by god for everything thats happened to be despite being used by them since i was an infant and thats where my story e #ends'' #like fuck. yeah he is an honorary girlie to me. i barely know u man but like i support u. cmere be my pet cat #echoed voice

[bumblingbabooshka]

Strong choice for the Voyager writers to make TNG-Q a misogynistic creep. It didn’t pay off at all and actively made me hate his character but hey, it was strong.

#His comment about Chakotay's tattoo was also kind of racist so that's -chefs kiss- awful #I literally would have murdered VOY-Q myself just to spite TNG-Q #Absolutely no moral dillema in this episode for me sorry Janeway - let the man die he's lived literally since the universe was created #TNG-Q is giving such strong 'I'm not gay bc I love men - I'm gay bc I hate women. We're not the same :)' vibes #Tuvok got promoted to 'ship lawyer' because he's somewhat familiar with asylum practices and approves of suicide ok I love this episode #I really do like this episode even though I hate TNG-Q so much #I really can't believe people ship him and Janeway together...what's going on.... #It really did have to be Janeway v Tuvok on this one for reasons I can't describe right now but it's so right #Tuvok's 'I'm as curious as you are Captain' ...the crux of it #this moral dilemma is SO flimsy to me HEHEHE there was a TINGE of maybe SOMETHING when TNG-Q said that since Q are immortal one dying could #have disasterous consequences but then RIGHT AFTER Tuvok was like 'Right. But Don't You Execute People?' and the answer is YES!??? #HEHEHE WHA T!?? WHY DIDN'T YOU WRITE THAT THEY ALSO JUST GET IMPRISONED FOREVER???? #Thi s whole court is out of order.... #YEAAH HEHE I fucking LOVE when star trek says 'you know this history? it was actually aliens. yeaaah aliens did that. v_v' #SNRKEHEH THE TERRIBLE PHOTOSHOP JOB ON RIKER'S P HOTO #Janeway's God Complex on full display in this episode and I love it even as I disagree with her 1000% <3 #Tuvok agreeing with her is also why they work so well together <3 I am also disagreeing with him 1000% <3 peace & love #Q. You are NOT blushing. Your lips are GRAY. You are a CORPSE. #the surrealist symbolism of the Q continum ... VERY good I LOVE surrealist symbolism ~!!!!! #OH GOOD TNG-Q graduated from misogynist to creepily insistent harasser..... #'I never did anything like that for Picard' we GET it writers we get it SO much that you DON'T want Q to be GAY #you' re leaning TOO FAR in the other direction he's LITERALLY the worst guy in a gender studies class now #If TNG-Q tried to caress my cheek that man's losing a finger at LEAST. BYE. #So funny of VOY-Q to be like 'ok I'll think about it :)' and then immediately uber eats some poison #hilarious and a delight to the end VOY-Q -salutes him- #aaaand that's all for this #for all the TNG-Q lovers I'm so sorry for whatever they did to your man uhh I've only seen Voyager so sorry for the slander but please try #to see him through my eyes v_v #liveblogging

[concerto-roblox]

i spend a bit of time on twitter for fandom stuff bc there are some really talented artists and writers but oh my god i have to limit my time on that app so much compared to tumblr bc one tiny thing will happen and suddenly there'll be the most despair-inducing discourse ever and i genuinely want to die

#honestly twitter definitely wants people to get angry bc angry people tweet more #this is mostly abt sttwt but ig it applies to other fandoms too #like one person will say one thing and suddenly everyone sees it on their timeline and everyone and their mother is talking about it #when it really isn't that deep #and also some people are just so rude?? like the ship wars are awful and people just make stuff up and say the most horrible shit #and it's so easy to find hate accounts like i'm not opposed to being a hater of things occasionally #but today i found an account called smth like 'why people hate st*ddies' (not censored) #and it was literally just someone screenshotting all the petty drama from one niche subset of the fandom #like i just don't understand how people can have fun on twitter if they use it like intended?? #i have to turn on notifs for people i like and use the notifs as a dashboard bc the timeline will randomly show you the most rancid shit #plus i feel like twitter is actively trying to make it hard to see anything older than a day #i hate the way it's all about new new new and content content content oh my god shut up shut up shut up- #obv tumblr can have awful people too but i feel like it's so much easier to avoid stuff like that if you curate ur own experience #like on tumblr i can just block someone bc i don't wanna see their posts but on twitter blocking someone is a personal attack #and someone will write a thread about how you're a toxic bitch making the fandom worse and you hated them bc they drew b*lly h*rgrove once #and that means you're against discussing harmful topics in media and are pro censorship or smth idk #girl maybe i just don't like him and don't wanna see fanart of him ugh #i feel like maybe i'm really sensitive bc seeing people argue abt things really upsets me?? but idk i thought that was universal #but apparently people love being mad?? #anyways uh. steve/eddie nation 4 eva yass #how to be cringe 101 #i feel like i need a tag for my beef with twitter uuh #twitter hate #there

[angrylesbianstereotype]

Everything always goes wrong and I’m not imagining it I’m tired of people acting like I’m imagining it or that it’s all just a normal part of life no everything is always going wrong nothing ever goes right and it has to be something I’m doing wrong or I’ve done wrong why is my life a comedy of errors it’s not funny to me so who is it for

#god hates fags i’m the proof #i thought maybe this year would be better but i don’t know why i thought that bc time is a construct #the universe wants me to kms actually #tw suicidal ideation #tw loser core

[abyssalpriest]

if i disappear after saying that ive been assassinated no jokes aside if i take that down its not bc i disagree with it, you can still pin it on me as a belief that i think that shit should be said and ill put my whole ass behind it, but saying shit like that has consequences lmfao. also theres a time and a place to bring that up

#ive already. dealt. with enough fucking propagandising royal family members on my fucking ASS this lifetime to last. the rest of #this universe's incarnation. sometimes its better to not get involved which i KNOW is a big part of why the propaganda is rampant #among people who work with ''demons'' but like. no. no race is more superior than other races. hot take i know sorry #ramblings // #honestly tho. im so sick of dealing with the topics of ascending and (''demon'') racial supremacy and fighting jxdaism under the guise #of ''we hate chrxstians tho and thats good!'' bc ''(JEWISH NAME FOR GOD????) is a horrible person he wiped out half his angels!!!!'' #listen i do not care how uncomfortable you are w your species' and peoples' histories you are. leave innocent fucking people and their #concept of the Creator that you dont even understand alone. whats the point in pride in your people if youre only proud of how #your people are Better than another set of people. like. bruh. are you proud of being a (demon) or are you so insecure your only source of #literally describing said propagandising family members lord almighty im gonna stop myself there. #WOW. I DSFJKHDFH. IVE NEVERRRRR SUDDENLY GOTTEN THE URGE TO TALK SHIT ABOUT WAR /AND/ SPILL THINGS PEOPLE #WANT SECRET /AND/ TALK SHIT ABOUT TWISTING KNOWLEDGE TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK GOOD /AND/ HAD IT DEVOLVE INTO #''even tho im (practically) hindu jxdaism is too fucking important to my family for me to not have OPINIONS about shit'' BEFORE HMM #WEIRD WEIRD unincarnated selves just fucking going AT it. i mean. spilling opinions. cant say they havent gone at it in other #ways too wow no wonder Ardhanarishvara (God as half man half woman) and Shiva and Shakti are super important to me - #NO WONDER THIS CAME AFTER TALKING ABOUT CONSCIOUSNESS AND MIND WHO I SEE AS SHIVA AND SHAKTI #anyway the first post had nothing to do w jxdaism and this topic itself has nothing to do w it i just finally had it click why Certain Peop #calling the things the kings they worship did atrocities of (name) was bothering me SO much. i mean i knew why the rest of it was bothering #me - i mean the NAME bit clicked

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i have to drive to the big city tomorrow morning... which is... #itll b fine. ive done it multiple times before so itll b fine #but also everytime i have to drive somewhere im a sobbing mess bc its so scary #and i space out which is terrifying so i have to sing and talk to myself the whole time so my brain doesnt drift too far #and i dont kno how long i have to b there or if ill b able to find parking... #i just hate is so much. literally its not a far trip. if we have a fucking working train system there would b a train between our two #universities and it would b like 30min. such fucking bullshit. that would b incredible. i would actually b able to go places #fuck the lack of public train transportation. its stupid. #at least i was busy all day. its crazy how much less terrible my day is when im in a semi empty lab working with algae #hopefully i didnt kill the culture bc i had to transfer immediately after making media. i think it cooled enough but well see #fuck. i dont wanna drive. i should sleep so im not more insane tomorrow #its crazy how distorted i get abt driving. i will convince myself that my car is gonna like fall apart while im driving #and that im absolutely going to have an accident caused by me. so i get up like ok this is where it all ends #in a smear across the highway #oh god i have to get gas tomorrow too #thry recommended i get there at 9 but maybe ill get there 8.30 and just like sit in my car crying for half an hour #lol i turn up to the lab with tear stained cheeks like hey sorry if it seemed like i was resistant to coming down here. im very unwell ✌️ #bleh. lets not think abt it. dont think just do. and pray i dont have to fucking go multiple days #my reward for success is no spring break bc a stressful project will begin this weekend #but im not even sure i have spring break bc im a lab tech so i think mayne thats not a loss? idk i dont kno #when im supposed to b working or not. it doesnt matter. my tine sheets r a lie #time sheets :-P #unrelated

[eorzeashan]

lol @ my parents and specifically my dad being so brainwashed by capitalism that every country that didn't subscribe to its system was always poor and deserved to be and the global south was never ramsacked by america or had any cia coups and i'm making it all up and capitalism is a good and pure system and the incredibly skewed and corrupt and incorrect view of communism they have because of traumatic personal experience is the only fact and ONLY type of communism to ever exist which makes them more qualified to talk about it than thousands of authors and teachers who have both experienced and studied it in an unbiased way for decades with entire degrees. I hate capitalism and the way its poisoned my parents minds so thoroughly that the entire idea of capitalism being a system that everyone is born under and forced to participate in with inherently unfair advantages is impossible to fathom. surely america is just rich because the system works and we were only self sufficient! BECAUSE WE PLUNDERED EVERYONE ELSE?

#ooc #political #sorry for the rant i'm actually furious rn that you can look at people from smaller countries and go the system we forced them into to #to work in poorer jobs that force them to serve others from richer countries is actually a good opportunity for them #DIE. #it makes me so mad you can experience poverty and still say it's fair for others to be born into it. #you think it's natural for others to be dirt poor and some to just have it? that it grows on trees? #that god decides whether you have running water or are born in america? #god i want to die. #meanwhile stupid ass dad says everything i learned in university was wrong bc of his personal experience #that everything i read is wrong #that the actual communist manifesto is WRONG? #when there's no right or wrong to it it's an IDEAL #his bias is so intense he has to label a different political alignment as horribly wrong #yeah. as opposed to the ongoing war crime that is capitalism #nevermind how unbelievably racist it is as well #i'm just fucking furious. i hate this family. i said i was so disappointed that i could have such productive discussions in school #with my teachers and fellow students even if they disagreed #and i come to my parents who tout themselves as scholars who pride on education above all #and they talk like fascists #it's just....it's so humiliating. and upsetting knowing they would kiss the ass of a system that actively has harmed so many people #and they can still say that's all of their own fault for not investing #that money is something you can get if you just work #and times haven't changed at all! #i can't bear it here.