#becaus it was 5am but i needed a hug or to go home. and the anxiety attack passed i got through it alone but im still not okay and shaken up

[pepprs]

hi update still having an absolutely terrible time

#purrs #ive had a headache for 2 days and had an anxiety attack at 5am this morning ♥️ and also there is more drama. i feel so bad about it but i #literally wish i was home and this was over so bad. im not eating well im not sleeping well. and i haven’t had a moment in which i wasn’t #stressed or anxious about this program for literal weeks and i think after 4 long days of running around taking care of people and not #having a moment to take care of myself it just caught up with me this morning and it was so terrifying and i couldn’t reach out to anyone #becaus it was 5am but i needed a hug or to go home. and the anxiety attack passed i got through it alone but im still not okay and shaken up #i couldn’t catch my breath and my heart was pounding and my head was spinning and hurt so fucking bad and i just couldn’t exist #ive gotten sporadic sleep and markya got me vegetablrs (if you read this thank you markya) and im about to eat them now but im still so #n*useous and jittery and my heart hurts. idk how long it’s going to take me to heal from this and i don’t even have time and i don’t know #why everything feels like it’s crashing down on me this week but i feel so frightened and alone and inadequate and helpless #delete later #we go home tomorrow and i know it’s going to be chaotic then too and we have a lot more facilitation to do and a meeting with the leaders #tonight and after learning so much more about why they have hard feelings towards us i just want to run away. and last night we had a #community reflection and i had to give my part to someone else bc i just couldn’t do it. lol