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flatoutin-eaurouge · 7 months

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When the pendulum swings

Pairing: Mika Häkkinen x Michael Schumacher

FT: JJ Letho

Most angsty fic yet! Michael is Mika's forbidden fruit in this Romeo and Juliette kind of thing. So sorry for portraying JJ like a schizophrenic monster (it was a plot necessity) 😭😭. This fic is for the lovely and amazing @kimizilla and @schumi-honey 💝

Tears were welling up in his eyes as he stared through a blurred vision at the young man that was currently crushing his wrist bones in a white-knuckled grip.

The guy could be his twin. He had long blonde wavy locks of hair and deep saphire blue eyes, but Jyrki was two years his senior. Mika looked up at him. Of course he did, the Sauber driver had been in Formula One for five years now, long before Mika entered the competition. Keke had been managing him as soon as the 1982 World Champion had noticed the tall blonde's driving style. With Mika Keke had needed a bit more convincing.

Jyrki towered over his younger compatriot, squeezing his delicate wrist in a viselike grip. He just knew that the pendulum was swinging before his mind's very eyes, between loving and hating the boy sitting in front of him. Especially his latest suspicions had contributed to hating Mika. He had noticed Keke's favouritism shifting to his younger, less experienced countryman since he was signed by McLaren, and he hated it. It was undeserved. Mika was a fucking test driver.

He stared at the boy he once so loved with contempt. "Why the fuck are you crying?! You didn't even drive today! I should be crying after that DNF!"

The McLaren test driver, looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes and a trembling upper lip. He felt the bruising form along the skin of his wrist, colouring his flesh in all shades of red, blue and purple. "I am crying because you're hurting m-"

Jyrki interrupted him by swatting his cheek, leaving a red imprint on his already rosy skin. "Shut up! You have no reason to cry! Does a little bit of physical pain make you cry?! You're more beautiful when you smile."

Beautiful... That was exactly the problem to Jyrki. As much as he had started to hate the younger Finn since his McLaren deal, he couldn't deny Mika was stunningly beautiful. He just couldn't completely destroy his self-esteem and drag him through the mud, because he looked so pleasing to the eye, especially when he smiled.

But something about seeing Mika reduced to tears, helped him cope with his own meager successes on the track. It reminded himself that he was appearing at the start of a race ever Sunday, while his little boyfriend was driving circles and straight lines on air strips in Woking, England.

He fisted his hand in Mika's blonde hair and caressed it gently, confusing the younger Finn with the contrast in his touches. He let go off Mika's wrist and grinned upon seeing the purple, pulsing skin he had caused.

"Don't you wish you were competing with the big boys, my sweet?"

He pushed Mika down onto the mattress of the bed in his motorhome, and shoved a hand under the younger Finn's sweater, exploring the smooth skin of his flat tummy. "You are a failure. A beautiful perfect failure. Sometimes you make me so happy to see you."

Mika wiped at his tears with his sleeve and smiled at Jyrki despite the pain in his wrist. He didn't mind Jyrki calling him a "failure" as long as he called him "beautiful" too. At the start of the season he hadn't made his boyfriend proud with that McLaren gamble, and he deserved being called a "failure", right?

The pain in his wrist was numbing with every caress of his hair and every kiss Jyrki placed on his forehead.

The next morning while McLaren was packing their materials for return to England, Mika had found a moment to talk to his childhood rival. Michael was dressed in his Benneton-issued clothing. He was in good spirits as he had celebrated another podium last night. The contrast between the two of them couldn't be any bigger.

"So any speculations about Andretti's seat? He had another DNF this Sunday."

Mika shook his head. "Not that I know of, but I am getting tired of testing his car so he can destroy it the next race."

Michael chuckled. "I can imagine." He knew things would be different for Mika, if they would sack Andretti. Who knows? Maybe they would be battling it out on track, just like the old times. He looked Mika up and down and couldn't help but notice a hint of sadness in the Finn's eyes. "Are you ok?"

Mika's eyebrows knit together in a puzzled look. "Yeah, I am fine. Why?" His left hand went up to comb the locks of hair from his eyes.

Michael's eyes fell on the bruised skin of his rival's wrist and swallowed. Concern was written over his face. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Michael didn't hesitate and reached out to grab Mika's wrist, cradling it in a gentle hold. "What is this then? This doesn't look good."

Mika gulped. The concerned look in Michael's eyes and the gentle hold of his wrist filled him with a sudden warmth. He wasn't used to someone caring about his feelings, which was strange because he had a boyfriend that was supposed to care about him... somewhere deep down. Mika tried to ignore the traitorous thoughts in his mind. Michael couldn't know, he shouldn't know. It would only complicate things between Jyrki and him more.

"Oh that's nothing. It's not even broken. I had a little unicycle accident, and now Ron has taken my unicycle from me." It was only half a lie, because Ron Dennis did hide his unicycle somewhere.

Michael chuckled. Ah yes the unicycle! How could he forget? "No, he didn't?!"

"He did!" Mika exclaimed, his bright blue eyes beaming with glee over Michael's amused reaction. "But it's okay, Jyrki thinks it's stupid and childish anyway."

Michael frowned upon hearing that, and was boggled about the fact that Mika was still smiling despite the thing he just said. "Stupid? Childish? How? I think it's... special." Michael only just managed to refrain from saying "cute".

Mika blinked with his eyes. "You think so?"

Michael nodded. "Yes. Who else in the paddock can ride a unicycle?"

Mika blushed. That warmth in his heart - that foreign feeling - was back again. "Thank you!" He stared at Michael with gleeful eyes until, out of nowhere, he was harshly yanked away from the German by a furious Jyrki Järvilehto.

"Come with me," the older Finn growled at him as Mika was dragged towards the Sauber motorhome of his boyfriend, leaving an astonished Michael Schumacher in his wake.

Jyrki slammed Mika against the wall inside his trailer, pinning his injured wrist against it. "What the hell was that?!"

Mika cowered under the furious glare of his boyfriend and tried to wriggle out of the viselike hold. "What do you mean?" He whimpered.

Jyrki flat-handed the wall next to Mika's face with a loud bang, trying to scare the younger Finn even more. "Don't act dumb! You were talking to Michael."

"Am I not allowed to talk to him?"

"You were showing him your bruises!" Jyrki squeezed the injured wrist with brute force and made Mika burst out in tears of pain.

"I saw him holding your wrist. And don't you dare lie to me."

Mika could here the crackling sound of his wrist joints shoving against each other. He looked at Jyrki with teary eyes. "I am so sorry, Jyrki. But I didn't show it to him. He noticed it himself! I told him it was a unicycle accident."

"A unicycle accident?"

Jyrki's eyes softened in an instant. "You did that? You lied for me?" He stared at Mika's distressed face and almost purred contently. He loved to hate him, but he also loved to love him. His adorable pouty punching bag.

He stroked Mika's damp cheek with the back of his hand, enjoying the sight of his expressive face. He'd never thought someone could look pretty while crying like a toddler. He opened his arms to invite his shaking boyfriend in a hug. "Don't cry like that, weakling. I didn't mean it so bad."

"I am sorry, Jyrki." The younger Finn nestled himself in Jyrki's open arms and sighed, relieved that he wasn't angry with him anymore. Jyrki had played his part in getting Keke to manage him and he felt very grateful towards his handsome compatriot.

Jyrki stroked Mika's back with genuine adoration. He secretly loved seeing his boyfriend upset so he could take care of him. He loved feeling the tremors running down the boy's spine. He loved kissing his pouty lips. So vulnerable, so dependent.

He held the younger Finn for a while, but then created a distance between the two of them as a malicious smirk krept onto his face. He grabbed Mika by his upper arms and smacked him against the wall again. "But if I ever find out you are bad-mouthing me to other drivers..." He held his finger up to Mika. "I am going to make you cry even worse."

He kissed Mika's forehead and traced his cheekbone adoringly with a finger. He looked at him for a moment. The younger Finn stared back apathically, obvioulsy not sure what to do.

Again Jyrki's brain flooded with images of Keke meandering around his new favourite protege, and he gritted his teeth in anger.

Mika needed to go before the pendulum would swing in his disadvantage.

Painfully aware of his mind playing tricks on him, Jyrki barged to the door of his motorhome. "Now go. I think McLaren want to know where their untalented test driver is."

Mika's cheeks burned red in shame. Untalented test driver? Where had it gone so wrong in their relationship? He touched his throbbing wrist and hissed in pain. Why was Jyrki so mean to him lately? He thought about the good times he'd had with Jyrki. There were way too many good memories to put his relationship at risk. His fellow Finn had been nothing but kind and supportive throughout his F3 days.

Jyrki used to shower him with love all the time. He always told him how proud he was after he had beaten Mika Salo on track in Formula 3. Mika even remembered how Jyrki had consoled him after his huge crash at Snetterton while competing in the F3-series. He was quite shocked in the aftermath of the event and he had been lucky to walk away from it without a scratch. Jyrki had wrapped him up in a blanket cocoon and had made him tea and hot chocolate.

"Are you nice and comfy, my sweet?" Jyrki lay on top of the blanket cocoon with his arms wrapped around it like an octopus, for extra protection. "You know the crash wasn't your fault, my talented kultaseni!" He kissed the top of Mika's head.

It brought Mika to tears when he remembered how it once was. Why had it changed? What had he done wrong?

Behind the door of his motorhome Jyrki had his own internal crisis. He had his hands in his hair and tugged at his blonde strands harshly. Why the fuck had he turned into such a monster?! How did he ever call sweet, endearing Mika untalented?! He detested his own anger issues, his jealousy, his toxic pleasures! He had found joy in seeing Mika cry, in seeing his wrist pulsing in pain! All this because he was Keke's favourite now? Yes, because he knew that if it wasn't for Senna's return Mika would have raced in that McLaren, and he would have wiped the floor with him and his stupid Sauber.

He needed to call his beloved before his terrible schizophrenia took the better of him. Before that cursed pendulum would swing again. Jyrki was sure he wasn't actually schizophrenic, but his career in F1 was giving so much stress that he had to abreact it on the person he had valued most, for so long.

He was a broken soul, and he was breaking another soul in his demise.

Mika's phone started buzzing. He looked at the screen of his device and pressed the red button. Not now! Too soon! He shoved his phone back in his pocket and conjured up a handkerchief from his other pocket to dry his tears. He felt devastated. His beloved mistreated him, but he didn't want to lose his relationship.

Jyrki threw his phone on his mattress with force, making the device almost boink off the bed. How dare Mika have the guts to turn his phone call down?! Who did he think he was?! He needed him. He needed to love him and show him how much he meant to him.

Mika walked along the garages in the paddock, while the teams were finishing packing their stuff. He closed his eyes for a moment, breathing in the early autumn scents, until he was interrupted by a shout.

"Mika, how is your wrist?"

The Finn turned around and was met with the kind, emerald eyes of his childhood rival.

"Michael!" Mika looked around waringly, to make sure Jyrki didn't see him, before he showed Michael the tortured skin of his wrist.

"Scheiße! What the hell? It looks worse! Mika, how could it look worse!?"

Mika bit his lip. He admired Michael's concern, but he couldn't just tell Michael that Jyrki had been torturing his wrist as if it was a crash dummy's wrist. He shrugged. "I think the bruises hadn't fully bloomed yet this morning."

Michael shook his head. "Come on." He grabbed the Finn gently by his arm and guided him to his Benneton motorhome a few meters away from where they were standing. "You can't walk around like that. Someone needs to take care of that, and since you are not looking for help yourself, I will do it!"

Back in Michael's motorhome, Mika was glad there were no halve moon-shaped cuts on his wrist from Jyrki's nails, otherwise the truth would come out quite quickly, as Michael would definitely want to know who had done that to him.

Michael sat Mika down on his bed and walked to his kitchen to fetch his first aid kit. "Don't you go anywhere."

Mika rolled his eyes with an amused grin.

Michael returned quickly and put the first aid kit on the bedsheets between them. "Now let me look at that." He took Mika's hand between his own warm hands and inspected his hurt wrist with great intent.

"Gosh, that looks painful! Even I am happy Ron took your unicycle away," he chuckled.

Mika couldn't help but grin. He felt butterflies buzz in his stomach, overwhelmed by the way Michael was so tender with him. Mika thought he was just a break-up with Jyrki away from being cocooned in blankets the same way his boyfriend had done in 1989. Although breaking up with Jyrki was something that had never crossed his mind. He was smitten despite everything.

Mika watched as the German massaged some salve into his skin and grabbed a pack of ice cubes from his fridge to hold it against his throbbing wrist.

"It won't do anything against the swelling anymore. It's too late for that, but still... Are you sure it isn't broken?"

Mika nodded. "Don't worry, I can still use it."

Michael grabbed Mika's hand and looked into his saphire blue eyes with a glint of genuine worry. "Be careful next time!"

Mika's cheeks turned bright red. Why was Michael so kind to him? What did he do to deserve that?

He smiled at Michael. "I will." He stood up from the bed and took his leave, but not before stopping in the door opening and seeking eye contact. "Michael, thank you! That was very kind!"

Luck would have it that Mika was back on neutral ground before he heard another, more familiar voice shout his name.

"Mika! I was looking for you, my sweet!"

Jyrki grabbed the Finn by the sleeve of his puffy jacket and enveloped him in his arms.

"God, I am so terribly sorry for this morning! I don't know what got into me!"

Mika patted Jyrki's back, feeling especially forgiving after his moment with Michael a few minutes ago. "It's okay now."

From the inside Mika felt so relieved that the older Finn had apologized so he could share a happy moment with his boyfriend. He leaned his head onto Jyrki's shoulder and smiled.

Jyrki cradled Mika's face between his hands and found that Mika's beautiful smile was out of place. He was way too pretty to lose, but he made him sick to the stomach with that happy smile. Keke's favourite pupil! He was conflicted between kissing that smile and erasing it from his boyfriend's face.

"Come, Mika." He took his boyfriend to his motorhome once more and sat him down on the bed. His adoration for the boy won at the moment. The pendulum was swinging in his favour.

"If only you were as good a driver as good-looking you are!" He helped Mika out of his sweater and kissed him on his lips. "You're beautiful." He sloppily kissed his way down Mika's neck and arm until he halted at his purple-coloured wrist.

"What is that stuff I smell?"

Mika froze on the spot and swallowed. "What do you mean?"

"That is oitment, perkele! Who gave that to you?! Who knows about your wrist?!"

Mika squinted his eyes shut, expecting a swat in his face. A swat that never came.

"Mika, were you with Schumacher again?!"

He stared at the younger Finn, who's lips seemed to be sealed. Mika's silence told him enough. He grabbed Mika by his arms and shook him harshly. "How dare you break my heart like that! You fucking loser! You probably also lied about that unicycle accident you made up!"

He gave Mika a harsh shove towards his door and threw his sweater at him. "You stupid boy! You wouldn't even be in F1 if it weren't for me! You're worthless. Look at you! Testing cars on airstrips! Get out! I don't want to see you ever again!"

Mika was shocked. His eyes started to water in an instant. His heart was shattered in a million little pieces. Here it was... proof that Jyrki never truly loved him!

"But Jyrki... JJ...I didn't...," his lips were trembling as tears streamed down his cheeks. This is not how it was supposed to go. Why was his boyfriend so... so... insane recently?!

Jyrki walked up to him and started smacking his face with flat-handers. "I don't care about your stupid pretty face getting hurt! Go away, Mika! Maybe Schumacher can help your pathetic career in Formula One. I hate you! You are always flirting with other drivers!"

Mika tried to limit the impact of Jyrki's swats by bracing his arms. "That isn't true! They are friends!"

"Leave my fucking place before I really hurt you!" Jyrki stormed into his direction again. "And I am serious about your career. You truly are a shit driver and a dumb, stupid boy! I will make sure Keke ditches you!"

For the last time this weekend Michael walked around the paddock. But this time he was holding an umbrella to protect himself against the sudden downpour of rain. He was glad that this amount of rain hadn't fallen during the race yesterday. It would've made the race conditions quite tricky.

As he strolled past the Sauber motorhomes, he noticed a silhouet sitting on the steps of one of the trailers. The silhouet sat hunched forward with his face in his hands, seemingly not minding he was getting soaked. Oh dear, who is that?

With concern written over his features Michael walked towards the soaked figure, and as he came closer he was absolutely horrified to find out the person in question was Mika. His Mika. Reduced to tears.

The Finn was trembling like a sad little puppy, and when he noticed Michael towering over him, he buried his face in the sleeves of his sweater, hiding his emotions from the successful F1 driver.

Michael held his umbrella above his rival's head, as he sat down next to him. His hands carded through Mika's soaked blonde hair. "Hey Mika, what are you doing out here in the rain? What's wrong?"

Mika shook his head and muffled his cries in his sweater, not planning on revealing his crying face to Michael.

Michael scooted impossibly close to the Finn and put an arm around his shaking form, caressing his side through the soaked material of his sweater. Damn, he was cold to the touch!

"Hey, I guess you don't want to talk about it, but can I please invite you into my motorhome? I put the heater up and I have some dry clothes for you. I don't want you to catch a cold."

Finally, Mika looked up at him.

Even with the rain drops cascading down his face, Michael could see he was crying. It broke Michael's heart to see Mika's usually happy features, twisted in bitter emotions. It wasn't a good look on him.

He snaked an arm around Mika's waist and encouraged him to stand up and follow him to the warmth of his trailer, while the umbrella shielded them against the rain.

Upon arriving in the Benneton trailer, Michael started fetching warm and dry clothes from the drawers of his closet. He pushed the bundle of textile into Mika's hands and directed him gently but firmly to his bathroom.

"Take a shower. We will talk after you're warm and dry."

After twenty minutes, Mika quietly opened the door to the living space of Michael's motorhome and peeked inside. His cheeks were burning red because he was currently wearing Michael's Benneton-issued clothes and because the heat of the shower had warmed him up.

"Thank you, Michael. I hope your water heater isn't empty now."

Michael turned around to look at the Finn and found himself to be equally red and flustered. Mika in his Benneton clothes with pink-tinged cheeks was quite a sight to behold. A sight that made his heart skip a beat.

"Don't worry about the water heater. Are you okay, Mika?"

Mika's eyes filled with tears again when he was reminded of his broken heart by Michael's question. Was he okay? No, he definitely wasn't.

Michael jumped from his couch and rushed towards the Finn. His natural instinct took over. He needed to care for that hurt soul. "Please, don't cry! I don't like to see you cry."

He wrapped his arms around the boy and squeezed him so tightly against his body that their sternums were touching.

"Jyrki broke up with me and hurt my wrist!"

Mika let it all out... his tears, the truth... everything. His shoulders started shaking.

Michael grabbed the back of Mika's head and pressed the Finn's damp cheek against his own. "I already suspected this. You're way too talented to fall off your unicycle. Listen Mika..." he took Mika's face between both his hands and stared into his watery eyes. "...if JJ did this to you, then he doesn't deserve you!"

He dropped one of his hands to grab Mika's wrist and tenderly stroked his thumb over the bruised skin. How could someone hurt someone as kind and beautiful as Mika? "He doesn't deserve you, verdammt noch mal!"

Mika looked at him. His face was wet but the tears had stopped. His heart was racing. Every caress of his hurt wrist filled him with a warmth that had nothing to do with the temperature inside the trailer. Michael was so gentle with him. The German basically treated him as if he was the most precious thing in the world. Shouldn't this be how you treat a loved one? The last time Jyrki had hugged him so adoringly was months ago.

"Jyrki called me a shit driver."

Michael balled his fists in anger. "You know, Mika. Your ex-boyfriend is nuts! The biggest bullshit I've ever heard. You will absolutely destroy him on track and he knows that! He is afraid of your talent. Afraid of Keke's favouritsm."

Michael had extremely well-developed senses when it came to unraveling human behaviour. JJ had probably been mistreating Mika since the McLaren-deal. It angered him beyond measure, and it didn't help that he secretly loved Mika.

"Mika, can I tell you something?" Michael's fingers fidgeted with the washing etiquette of Mika's Benneton-jumper. His cheeks were bright red.

"Of course, Michael."

Michael took Mika's hands in his own. "You really mean a lot to me. Your well-being is important to me... and there is something I've wanted to do ever since we met again in Formula One in 1991."

Mika's breathing slowed in anticipation. "What is it, Michael?"

"Close your eyes, and promise me not to recoil. Think about it before you act."

Mika closed his eyes and only twitched slightly when he felt Michael press his lips against his own. He didn't recoil, even if the action took him by surprise. He could never. Michael was special. Michael fueled the flame inside his body. Kindness was all he needed right now and Michael was giving that to him.

Michael tingled all over. His lips brushing against Mika's, was a better feeling than every kiss he's ever had. Nothing compared to it. "Thank you, mein Schatz!"

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