#bind //: ( involuntaryspy :: who loves me and whom i love )

[shellheadtm-a]

BUCKY & ALPINE FALCON & WINTER SOLDIER #1

#file //: ( winter soldier :: bucky barnes ) #file //: ( the cat :: alpine ) #// but most especially #bind //: ( involuntaryspy :: who loves me and whom i love ) #// fambly #// i can promise you tony's nicked that shirt more than once #// anyway in this house we love alpine more than anything #// she deserves the best

[shellheadtm-a]

@involuntaryspy​ said ➔ hey gentleman muscles. open this jar of pickles for our burgers when i said what i said this isn’t what i meant okay, you can’t just

“Have you been talking to FRIDAY again?  Because I need you to understand that she lies.  There is no bullshit rule for ais that says they can’t, and she takes full advantage of that and you cannot trust her.  She’s-  Hold up.  Just hold up a second, you’re the one with the metal arm, why should I do it?”

#involuntaryspy #protocol //: ( ic asks ) #paradigm //: ( main ) #bind //: ( involuntaryspy :: who loves me and whom i love ) #// there's... #// a lot going on here

[shellheadtm-a]

texts him from the bedroom. [ cuddles? ]

You know, there comes a point where maybe technology has gone too far.  And this is him thinking this, so there has to be some truth to it, right?  He lives and breathes the future but this...This is...He’s not sure what this is.  Misuse of that technology, maybe.  Really, who texts their significant other to demand cuddles (because make no mistake, while Bucky is using his words and not emojis for once, and there’s a question mark at the end, it’s very much not a question).

He doesn’t even bother texting back, because that’s just asinine (again, this is Tony Stark saying this, so it has merit, it has weight) and instead abandons the stack of papers he’s been working through, bristling like a porcupine with sticky arrows indicating the million places he has to sign, to make his way upstairs.  Once there, he leans against the doorframe, folding his arms, and not taking a single step forward, because he’s fairly sure you’re not supposed to reward undesirable and ridiculous behavior.

“So you can suddenly text entire words if we’re in the same house, but if I’m halfway across the country all you suddenly see and know is the thumbs up emoji.  That’s how it is, huh.”

@involuntaryspy​ / that married life ig

#involuntaryspy #protocol //: ( ic asks ) #paradigm //: ( main ) #bind //: ( involuntaryspy :: who loves me and whom i love ) #// here they go with this bullshit again #// why are they like this we'll never know

[shellheadtm-a]

@involuntaryspy​ said ➔ Lays on. Now you can’t do anything stupid

“Clint’s the one wanting to punch my face in out of the blue, but I’m the one that’s going to do something stupid?”

#involuntaryspy #protocol //: ( ic asks ) #paradigm //: ( main ) #bind //: ( involuntaryspy :: who loves me and whom i love ) #// bucky all this is going to do #// is rile him

[shellheadtm-a]

  i’m going to go get a sandwich.                       @involuntaryspy​ / critical role starters

He loves Bucky.  He does!  That actually has never been up for debate.  At least...Not for a long while at this point, anyway.  For chrissakes, they’re married.  It’s not even one of those stupid marriage of conveniences or anything, either, they’re literally married because they want to be.  All their friends were there and everything, and how many people can say, ultimately, they had the Norse god of thunder at their wedding, along with a living American icon, a former Soviet superspy, a rockstar, decorated military personnel...Look.  The point is, they got married.  Right there, in the backyard, with literally the people that matter most in their world there to witness it.

This is important.  This is very important.  Because-

“Oh.  When you want to make a sandwich, it’s fine.  It’s normal.  It’s just a day in the life of.  But when I want to make a sandwich it’s an ‘abomination’.”  Yes, he does do finger quotes.  “And ‘threat to public safety’.  It’s just a sandwich!  Listen, I never said it was a good sandwich, but it’s food!  That’s literally the only thing I care about, but where you get to just...Make a sandwich, you act like I’m committing twenty-five OSHA violations just for walking into the kitchen!”

#involuntaryspy #protocol //: ( ic asks ) #paradigm //: ( main ) #bind //: ( involuntaryspy :: who loves me and whom i love ) #// i told you #// i told you he was gonna #// let him live his life!!!!! #// he's not hurting anyone but himself!!!! #// with those gross velveeta toast sandwiches!!!!

[shellheadtm-a]

@involuntaryspy​ / Bucky, covering his eyes with his hand. "Can you do me a favor and take out the kitchen trash on your way to the garage?" how fucking dare you come into my home-

“Really?”  So that’s how it is, right, that’s how it’s gonna be.  That thing where a joke gets taken too far.  Where it never goes away.  Where he’s guilty of being the one to start it, like...A million times, but they’re not talking about him right now, are they?  No, they are not.  “Are you really - really - gonna insinuate, what.  That I have been unduly influenced before to take out the trash, are you seriously doing this right now.”

#involuntaryspy #protocol //: ( ic asks ) #paradigm //: ( main ) #bind //: ( involuntaryspy :: who loves me and whom i love ) #// the real thing here #// is that it shouldn't be as funny as it is #// thinking about tony having to do normal #// you know #// household chores #// but for some reason it's hysterical #// so here we are ig

[shellheadtm-a]

@involuntaryspy​ / ❛ Pandas don’t eat macaroni. ❜ the haunting of hill house / accepting

“Uh huh.”  So...Maybe that conk to the head’s been harder than it looked like initially.  It’s...Definitely possible.  Not all concussions are visible, right, you don’t always get the uneven pupils, and Bucky’s over here talking nonsense like he makes perfect sense and-

Okay, so sue him.  He’s worried.  He’d be worried about anyone he knows if they were doing that, he really would, but this is different, this is his husband talking about pandas and macaroni like it’s not completely batshit bananas.  Maybe...Maybe Tony should have stayed closer.  Or they need to have a serious talk about an overhaul of Bucky’s whole Winter Soldier get up or something.  Later.  When he’s making sense again.  Right now, though...Right now he’s going to be worried.

“Pandas don’t eat macaroni, that is a true fact.”  He keeps his voice soft, soothing, tilting Bucky’s head up so he can get a better look at his eyes.  Yeah, he should have stuck closer, maybe.  “And I think you might have a concussion, babe.  Because the only one talking about pandas here is you.”

He’s already made the executive decision that the EMTs are going to come have a look at him, but it doesn’t hurt to be prepared.  What he uses to get people off his back after a fight he can now weaponize to get Bucky checked out.  Perfection itself.  “Be real still a minute.  I am so glad these scans work externally, too.”

#involuntaryspy #protocol //: ( ic asks ) #paradigm //: ( main ) #bind //: ( involuntaryspy :: who loves me and whom i love ) #// listen i don't know #// here they are being trash again #// so take your trash and go

[shellheadtm-a]

@involuntaryspy​ said ➔ Hey... I love you and also I need you to avoid Clint because for some reason he wants to fight you lordy what did i walk into

“So it’s a day that ends in y, I don’t see what the-  Wait, are you saying you think he could beat me?  Seriously?”

#involuntaryspy #protocol //: ( ic asks ) #paradigm //: ( main ) #bind //: ( involuntaryspy :: who loves me and whom i love ) #// really bucky? #// r e a l l y?

[shellheadtm-a]

@involuntaryspy​ » reaches up on his tippy toes and leaves a kiss on his faceplate, right at where the mouth would be ⁑ faceplate smoochin

This is - sadly - pretty expected.  It’s a routine.  It happens.  It’s definitely exceedingly unsanitary but it makes Bucky happy so what the hell, right?  It’s not like Tony can feel it or anything, and it doesn’t register to him as anything but a trigger for a few pressure sensors and a display on the HUD, but it is what it is.  If Bucky can’t get to Tony’s face he’ll go for Iron Man’s, and honestly, sometimes Tony thinks that’s maybe the point.

He’s not saying it, okay, he’s not saying anything, but he’s thinking it.  He’s absolutely thinking it, and it’s conveyed in the way he tilts his head because what is timing.  Half the time it’s hard to know if Bucky’s just carrying on with what he does because he does it, or if he’s doing it because he does it and he’s a little shit.

“I don’t know if you know this.”  Even the modulator can’t bleed that...That that, out of Tony’s voice.  “But you literally have the timing of a freight train with no brakes.”

#involuntaryspy #protocol //: ( ic asks ) #paradigm //: ( main ) #bind //: ( involuntaryspy :: who loves me and whom i love ) #// listen he loves you bucky #// he does #// too much maybe #// but he still wants to know #// if he's a damn joke to you

[shellheadtm-a]

also for my own reference bc i’ll forget otherwise, the suits in indiana:

+ model prime (in orbit) + model 17 + model 42 + model 29  (current - in use)

also

+ model 3 - attache case for back up

#// i...don't know what to tag this as but #bind //: ( involuntaryspy :: who loves me and whom i love ) #// i'll put it in their tag #// since that's what it applies to #// listen he has to have a small selection #// technically he's keeping it to the three suits rule #// one's in a briefcase #// one's in space #// not in the way

[shellheadtm-a]

@involuntaryspy​ / Tony. Tony. Babe. Sweetheart. Sweetie. Don't murder Clint. If you come and pick me up in all your bearded glory, I'll help you remove and repaint your babies. the mystery of the iron beard

“It’s not about the stupid beards, Bucky, it’s about the violation of the expectation of privacy.  Listen, I have opened every last inch of space that I have to give for every last Avenger - past, present, active, reserve - to use, with the exception of one little corner because it’s my private lab.  Key word here:  Private.  I do that willingly.  I want to.  I have the space to.  So I honestly don’t think it’s too damn much to expect that when I say, hey, keep the fuck out of my lab, people will...You know...Keep the fuck out of my lab.”

A pause.

“You know, I can’t even be mad about this anymore, at least I know there’s a hole I need to plug in the security, because clearly someone’s getting in when they shouldn’t.”  Unless it’s someone that can.  Or have been aided and abetted by someone that can.  That’s a problem, maybe.  He can revoke everyone else’s access until it’s all shored up.  But he’s a liar, because the next thing out of his mouth is, “I demand blood, Bucky.”

#involuntaryspy #protocol //: ( ic asks ) #paradigm //: ( main ) #bind //: ( involuntaryspy :: who loves me and whom i love ) #// it's gonna be clue: avengers edition #// who killed clint in the air vents #// with a captain america coffee mug

[shellheadtm-a]

Bucky x Tony @involuntaryspy​ / send me a ship and-

Who asks the other on dates:  okay, it's time i was real with y'all.  tony didn't even know they were dates until date #3.  he didn't.  he had no idea.  he thought they were just hanging out.  i mean clearly that got cleared up and bucky learned a valuable lesson in how you need to be absolutely clear with tony and not let his brain fill in the blanks (i mean to him it was logical they were just hanging out), but.  it's true.  (i think it has to do with the fact that tony doesn't see cues if he's not the one doing the pursuing - i don't think a lot of people have pursued him like that in seriousness.)  anyway, they go on dates, though it's mostly bucky that has taken over their social dance card, tbh.  when tony's in new york it's usually for work or avenger things, so there's not a lot of fun to be had and besides, bucky's back in indiana usually, though if he's in new york they do things.  but bucky's the one with the connections when tony's home so it just ends up that tony comes home and finds out he's doing a thing.  it works for them.

Who is the bigger cuddler:  tony is absolutely the cuddle fiend in this relationship.  if they're both home in the same room, you can believe some part of tony is draped over some part of bucky at all times. you would think tony wouldn't be so intent on that kind of thing but considering his past history, especially all that time in the chestplate, being touchy with his person is a big deal.  he even does it while he's asleep, he latches on and has to be untangled from to get out of bed (sorry, bucky).  he likes being Close.  

Who initiates holding hands more often:  bucky might initiate it more often, but tony never hesitates, not even once.  he's schmoopy like that.  and like, yeah, he makes sure he's on the side that bucky's comfortable with, because he gets it, but also consider:  he likes to make it exceedingly clear that he's not worried about bucky's metal arm.  i mean, it's already been said, but he built it.  he loves and trusts bucky.  there's nothing in that that he remotely thinks is something to be wary of.  and you can be sure when he does cute shit like kissing the palm of bucky's flesh and blood hand he does it to the metal one, too.  it's not about being able to feel it, it's about normalizing it, associating it with daily life, as a help aid and a prosthesis instead of a weapon, as a part of bucky himself, like he's done with the upgrades he gave it to make it make daily life easier.  making sure bucky knows he loves all of him.

Who remembers anniversaries:  people need to literally let tony live!!!  he might not be able to tell anyone when they started dating, because, again, he didn't even know those were dates, but he does remember things like birthdays (just...not his own, usually).  and the stuff he can't remember, he has friday for, and since she and bucky are apparently so buddy buddy she's not likely to let tony get himself put in the doghouse by letting him forget.  he tries, though.  he just only has so much ram and processing speed and there are a lot of programs running in the background.

Who is more possessive:  that's not a thing with them.  tony doesn't really have much of a possessive streak in that way, for the most part i'd argue that he's emotionally too submissive in a lot of respects (especially in romantic relationships) and skittish because of bad experiences.  he doesn't try to keep bucky all to himself, it's why he's doing this double household thing to begin with, you know, and why he's setting up camp in another city that's becoming a tech forerunner (so he can have his office closer to home and actually be home).  he'd rather it be that they're actually living together full time, but he knows bucky loves being in indiana and loves his house and wouldn't try to take it from him for the world.  wouldn't ask him to change things, he'll change things as much as he can (i mean he still has to be in new york for weekly meetings but iron man kinda negates flight time there), but otherwise he's nested so hard himself it's sad.

Who gets more jealous:  i mean it's a fact tony has a jealous streak.  but it's not...it doesn't come out that way.  he withdraws, pulls back, instead of clinging tighter, because of the way tony's brain works and likes to lie to him (it's the depression and anxiety).  but he's forever grateful that bucky will absolutely save him from situations he'd have a hard time extracting him from with them both knowing it definitely looks like jealousy, because it's not.  bucky's teaching tony how to say no when he'd have reluctantly said yes and not wanted to and how to start learning and putting up his own boundaries.

Who is more protective:  tony can be ridiculously overprotective, if you want me to be honest.  it's because he worries.  he's redesigned bucky's gear at least twenty times and then never says anything because he doesn't want it to be taken as an insult, he just wants to keep bucky safe.  and he knows bucky won't take it the wrong way but...it's tony, it's how he is.  he doesn't want to be as overbearing as he's been accused of in the past.  but bucky's team normal and tony has a vested interest in making sure he stays unsquished.  i can also say that he's literally never made the connection between bucky running interference and it being a protective thing, at least not consciously.  subconsciously he's starting to put those boundaries in place when he just can't - though not enough to give him some breathing room yet - so if nothing else it's actually doing some good.  baby steps.

Who is more likely to cheat:  tony stark is no cheater.  it would literally never occur to him to even consider it, like...ever.  this is a guy that wasn't even sure if his girlfriend was still his girlfriend (she was ghosting) and he still turned down other people because as far as he was concerned, with no clear answer, he was still in a relationship.  tony stark is loyal.  fullstop.  tony stark married?  ten times as much.  he's someone's Person, bucky picked him, and that's it, that's all, bucky's stuck with him now forever, because tony is in reputation a playboy, in reality a mate for lifer.  and despite the fact that he's had such horrible relationship experiences - including being cheated on - he's literally never given it a thought whether bucky would, because his faith in the people he loves is unshakable.

Who initiates sexy times the most:  they're idiots, okay, i don't know what to say other than that.  it's a game, it's all a game to them, and they're both horrible little shits who get it in their heads they must have the upper hand and then nobody gets laid because they can't use their words.  it's amazing they ever actually have sex at all considering how big of idiots they are with this.

Who dislikes PDA the most:  there's pda, and then there's excessive slobbery pda.  like, they're married, they're allowed to hold hands and have the occasional cute smooch in public, they're allowed to casually touch each other but let's be honest, they're both entirely too grown to be slobbery and gross.

Who kills the spider:  the only member of this household that kills spiders is probably alpine.  you kinda feel bad about it when you know so many spider hyphen people.

Who asks the the other to marry them:  bucky, it was bucky.  and it's so funny, you know, because honestly before bucky did, tony was thinking about it and telling himself not now because it was too soon, way too soon.  like it was honest struggle, it's really kind of sad.  and funny.  like i'm still laughing at the entire thing, because tony never had a clue, never suspected a thing, never guessed, like bucky needs to put a feather in his cap about that because it's hard to keep things from tony, his thing is as much information as it is engineering and innovation, so the fact that tony showed up to his own wedding not knowing it was a wedding was.  chef kiss.  

Who buys the other flowers or gifts:  tony, we all know it's tony, because he doesn't know how to not.  he honestly wouldn't know what to do if he couldn't like.  overdo this.  and he does overdo it.  buying out a flower shop for two weeks straight?  done.  reserving an entire restaurant for a night so it's just the two of them?  double done.  paying attention to little details and wants and likes and then turning that up to eleven?  you remember the chocolate thing, you remember.  but like...for tony it's not a big deal?  he's not good with Talking About Feelings and it's easier and more comfortable for him to express things in other ways, and he has the money to do it. and if it was just spending money because he can that would be one thing but it's very specific, very pointed, he uses all those little details he pays attention to in order to do it.  and to be honest, bucky will never stop him.  he will continue to be That Way because it's what he knows and it's part of his love language, so...it's nice that it's appreciated in the spirit it's meant rather than what it has been in the past with other people, i don't think tony's ever otherwise been in a real relationship where it was a nice surprise when he does stuff like that instead of expected because he's tony stark.  

Who would bring up possibly having kids: kids aren't really a thing that's part of the bucky and tony show, and honestly, in this case i don't think...tony feels that loss as acutely as i'd have expected?  it's not a thing he thinks about much at all, to be honest.  their lives are utterly insane outside of their happy little bubble, the work will literally never be done, and they have a good life, you know.  they both have enough going on, with themselves, with the world, it's better not to add that unpredictable and vulnerable element into the equation.  and they have al.  tony's never had a pet, not really, so this is new and novel and he can direct those feelings to her and he's satiated.  he's happy.  he loves that cat so damn much, it's ridiculous, even if she's a complete and utter traitor and a bed thief.

Who is more nervous to meet the parents:  it might have been bucky but honestly i don't know that he had anything to worry about.  or maybe he did, amanda is feisty and isn't afraid to like.  take somebody out with a guitar, i love her sm.  plus she is...awesomely protective of tony and his feelings now that they've connected so of course she's gonna give bucky a shovel talk but...anyway, overall it's all very strange to tony and he has no idea what to make of any of it because he doesn't have much of a frame of reference there, so he considers bucky and amanda things to be bucky and amanda things and stays out of it, for the most part.  they seem to have made up their minds about each other and no one's getting beaned with instruments, so he'll take it as a win.

Who sleeps on the couch when the other is angry:  they don't fight.  it's weird.  they actually talk things out like adults and reach an understanding.  crazy, right?  it's like they understand they won't agree 100% on everything and have figured out a way around that.  amazing.  besides, sleeping on the couch is for the naps tony won't admit to and claim he does not take that he actually really does take.  why would he do that when he can fight the cat for dominance and sleep with bucky?  he wouldn't, that's what.

Who tries to make up first after arguments:  tony likes to have a good sulk and pout session first, to be honest.  so it's entirely reasonable that bucky would because honestly in most of tony's interpersonal relationships he's not going to open the floor to talking about his own feelings.  he's going to keep those where he thinks they belong, which is with him, but bucky will push for it which is actually a good thing.  instead of letting tony stew in whatever it is, it gets addressed.  he's safe to Have An Emotion and then Express He Has That Emotion without feeling like he's being ridiculed.  

Who tells the other they love them more often:  you know that post.  the one about "where's husband" "here's husband! here i am!"  that's it, y'all.  that's them.  that's them in a nutshell.  they're unbearably gross, it's awful, i love them.  tony takes a while to get over that hurdle, you know, admitting it out loud because he's got his issues.  but once he's past that he has no issue using it at every given opportunity.  part of it is the superhero lifestyle is unstable and once it's out there he wants to make sure he reiterates it while he can.  part of it is it becomes this ridiculous little talisman for him, that he has to say it.  part of it is because tony stark is a romantic at heart and needs bucky to know at all times that he loves him, does bucky know he loves him, because he loves him.  it's gross, it's disgusting, someone please make them stop.

#involuntaryspy #array //: ( ooc asks ) #bind //: ( involuntaryspy :: who loves me and whom i love ) #// i told you this thing was nightmarishly long #// so here it is #// i need them to stop #// right now #// immediately

[shellheadtm-a]

BAD PRESENTATION SLIDES / FEAT. @involuntaryspy

#involuntaryspy #protocol //: ( ic asks ) #bind //: ( involuntaryspy :: who loves me and whom i love ) #// and here's bucky's #// tony's out here sharing all the dirty laundry #// figuratively and literally but you know #// it's fair #// it's completely fair #// people need to know the truth

[shellheadtm-a]

‘ when u tryna be cheesy but everyone around u is laughtose intolerant ’

There’s a full minute of silence that follows that.  A full minute where Tony doesn’t move.  A full minute where Tony doesn’t speak.  Doesn’t blink.  Doesn’t even seem to breathe.  Looking for all the world like he wishes he could unlock some hereto unknown superpower and bore a hole right through Bucky’s head by the sheer power of will alone.  It’s not working.  And he’s only half-jokingly sad about it.

It’s just important that he remember that he’s chosen this.  That he, you know, loves Bucky.  That he knew he was signing on for a lifetime of this bullshit and he did it willingly.  And also that hiding a body is annoyingly tedious and he’ll miss him.  A little.

He finally stands, taking his cup of coffee with him as he goes.  Takes the few steps to reach Bucky and leans down, pressing a kiss to his forehead.  And then he’s out the door, into the garage, and he is not coming back without some sort of restitution for the mental anguish he’s just suffered.

@involuntaryspy​ / popular post starters / accepting

#involuntaryspy #protocol //: ( ic asks ) #paradigm //: ( main ) #bind //: ( involuntaryspy :: who loves me and whom i love ) #// so tony's looking into good divorce lawyers so #// you know #// call him #// with suggestions

[shellheadtm-a]

tugs his hand. "dance with me?"

He’d wandered into the kitchen a few minutes earlier (fully clothed, which a thing has to be noted, he doesn’t want to be accused of perpetrating some lewd act on anything while he’s making a snack or whatever) in search of something to put in his face, and has decided on a sandwich.  No, not one of his famous psuedo-grilled cheese abominations, but plain, simple, easy peanut butter.  Protein, which he probably needs to eat more of but who’s counting (probably Bucky, if he’s being honest, he actually pays attention to things like that in exactly the opposite way that Tony usually doesn’t).  And he’s just finished it; bread, a layer of peanut butter most people would call excessive, another piece of bread slapped on top, the lid of the jar of peanut butter screwed back on, and the spoon promptly stuck in his mouth.

What, it’s easier to spread peanut butter with a spoon, rather than a knife, but they’re always a surplus left in the actual concave part of it.  It’s a waste to just wash it off, right, see, he can be economical and conserve and put to good use when he puts his mind to it.

“Muh?” is what he replies with.  Eloquently.   He reaches up, taking the spoon out of his mouth and putting it on the plate next to his sandwich.  “But I just-” 

Made a sandwich.  Which...Okay, it’s not going anywhere, sure, but.  Sandwich.  But half-finished protest aside, he’s already started moving closer at the first hint of a tug.  Because he’s a pushover.  And can’t say no.  Wouldn’t want to.  “You know what?  Okay.  But if this is gonna be one of those junior high dancing after the music’s stopped things, I’m bringing my sandwich or no deal.”

@involuntaryspy​ / i was thinking cute and he gave me this

#involuntaryspy #protocol //: ( ic asks ) #paradigm //: ( main ) #bind //: ( involuntaryspy :: who loves me and whom i love ) #// sighs #// they are just #// so much

[shellheadtm-a]

@involuntaryspy​ said ➔ 👍 bucky no

“You’re really testing those boundaries, huh.”

#involuntaryspy #protocol //: ( ic asks ) #paradigm //: ( main ) #bind //: ( involuntaryspy :: who loves me and whom i love ) #// bonus points if they're literally sitting next to each other #// like #// you said married no returns but remember #// that works both ways