#blind luck... but to instead analyze the circumstances and iterate on recreating them. and i think one of my artist friends who i deeply

[suddencolds]

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#delete later #another journal entry 📝 for the void #i have not been sleeping well for the past 2 wks 😵‍💫 i always wake up like clockwork after 5-6 hrs which feels like not nearly enough #i feel like i've done everything there is to do (consistent exercise + consistent sleep times + earplugs + weighted blanket + no caffeine) #last night i took melatonin too but no... same problem staying asleep 😭 #ahh whatever. i'm just frustrated that it has to be this way :( #anyways in an act of spite i reread like the 4 wips that have been sitting in my drafts from the past few weeks #i think something that will never cease to surprise me about writing is that more effort/time doesn't necessarily translate to better #results; i suppose that's the case with all kinds of art but #it does feel somewhat unintuitive. one of my fav professors in uni said to not dismiss those 'lightning in a bottle' moments (in art) as #blind luck... but to instead analyze the circumstances and iterate on recreating them. and i think one of my artist friends who i deeply #respect said something similar (wrt artistic rituals/setup). i have too many thoughts on writing and on my own creative processes and #weaknesses to fit into any number of tags here. :') that said... #*shakes ch2 draft* after everything i did and all the hours i spent WHY are you still so bad?!!! D: i am baffled and frustrated. #and why do i prefer this other [redacted] draft which i hammered out with utterly no regard towards the quality?? #anyways. back to the drawing board i guess T.T